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(Herald Tribune (SW Florida))   53 car pileup in Tallahassee. 47 car pileup in Sarasota. On the same day. Can't Floridians farking drive? The snowbirds aren't even back yet   ( heraldtribune.com) divider line
    More: Florida, Tallahassee, Florida Highway Patrol  
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3107 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Oct 2012 at 4:36 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-10-06 03:30:56 PM  
5 votes:
No. Floridians cannot drive. As one of the few Floridians who can (HAH), let me tell you what the typical road in Florida contains:

People from the Northeast who will not under any circumstances allow you to merge.
People without drivers licenses at all, who are surprisingly better at driving than other people on this list.
People drunk texting while getting road head and eating a Whopper.
Women from Middle Eastern and Asian countries who just got their license last week. After eighteen tries. And a bribe.
People in barely-moving cars who will, and I am not making this up, literally make NO attempt to avoid a crash if they see you make a driving mistake, so that they can call 1-800-PAIN-LAW before they even farking call 911.
Tourists from countries where road rules apparently involve using the horn as a replacement for all signals and the brake.
People actually cooking meth AS THEY DRIVE.
Bikers riding without shirts, helmets, or shoes. On the Interstate.
And, of course, people like me, who are fortunately so incredibly talented at avoiding all of the above that they've not been killed yet (makes jerking-off motion).
2012-10-06 05:16:06 PM  
2 votes:

King Something: Makh: Really old people who can barely see the road, drive really slow, but some how passed the drivers test on the 6 try.
Teenagers who drive way past the speed limit
People from the sticks who think all of the safety laws are bullshiat bureaucrats make up. Even the ones where you drive sober and use seat-belts.

When any two of those people collide, and they do often, the resulting accident is catastrophic.

So glad to be out of Sarasota.

Don't forget the old people with 20/5,000 vision who got their licenses 30 or 40 years ago when they could still see beyond the steering wheel and only got to keep their licenses because the process for renewing a FL driver's license consists of nothing more than paying a renewal fee, and paying a late fee if applicable. There is no written test, road test, vision test or any other hurdle in order to renew a DL.

Oh, so you've met my mom-in-law. Blind in one eye, getting close in the other. About to fail her second artificial hip. Can't walk, but drove 14 hours sitting on an actively septic hip joint so that she wouldn't have to pay full price airfare. Oh, yes, she had a copilot. With Alzheimers.

/welcome to Florida
2012-10-06 04:43:26 PM  
2 votes:
Long answer: no, people in Florida can't drive.

Short answer: no, people in Florida can't drive.
2012-10-06 07:44:58 PM  
1 vote:
We just moved our 88 year old mother from northern Illinois to her new condo in Sarasota last month. I was pretty sure the accident was in an area where she would not normally be, but I called her any way. Nope, nowhere near it and we had a good laugh.

Anyway, I cannot recall her ever being in an accident nor getting a speeding ticket and she is very cautious there, as so much has changed from when we lived there before (1959-1970).

BTW, WTF is with all those gaaadam roundabouts all over town now?
2012-10-06 07:13:58 PM  
1 vote:
I live in Sarasota... Yes on the above regarding drivers here..BUT... I've also been caught in one of these 5 minute deluges of rain that tends to occur here in the afternoons this time of year. You generally don't see it coming and its too strong for wipers, you can literally see nothing and its sudden.. Also when the roads here get wet...they get extremely slippery from oil etc.. Im surprised this doesnt happen more often frankly..
2012-10-06 06:13:21 PM  
1 vote:
Getting quite a kick out of all the farkers who think that old people driving too slow cause high speed multicar pileups.
Right there you get an idea of what really causes those pileups.
2012-10-06 05:32:13 PM  
1 vote:
Sounds like somebody is on a mission from God.
2012-10-06 05:31:40 PM  
1 vote:
Is everyone involved positive that this didn't happen in Massachusetts?
2012-10-06 05:20:56 PM  
1 vote:
Florida is the worst place to drive east of Texas.

I've never been further west, but I've been in every town big enough to have a Rite-Aid in it to the east. And, bar NONE, the worst driving/drivers are in Florida.

I';ll take rush hour in Hotlanta any day. The lovely streets in DC that are one way both directions and two way all on the same day, depending on the time that is posted in ONE place? Twice on Turesdays. NYC's 27 tolls to go 4 miles? Happily. New Jersey's 20 minutes to go to the laundromat on the other side of the road? I wish.

No, south Florida and driving are a special kind of hell. The one reserved for the people too evil for the one Book talked about.

The *special* special hell.
2012-10-06 05:12:50 PM  
1 vote:
This is why I fire a warning shot when people tailgate me.
2012-10-06 04:58:48 PM  
1 vote:
What will the book Carl Hiassen writes about this be called?
2012-10-06 03:34:10 PM  
1 vote:
Oh, and how's this for a CSB: My wife just called me to tell me that her sister was right at the back of the Sarasota crash. She wasn't in it, but the road closed down for 16 hours and they weren't turning people around so she had to abandon her car and walk several miles to an exit where her husband could pick her up. Just got her car back a bit ago.
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