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(Fark)   Write some headlines that would have been posted when Columbus found the Americas. You know. If Fark had been around back then   ( fark.com) divider line
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2969 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2012 at 3:59 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-10-02 12:57:26 PM  
62 votes:
North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.
2012-10-02 04:10:57 PM  
44 votes:
Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...
2012-10-02 02:45:07 PM  
35 votes:
Clobmus. Caught sayof fleet that has stoped saelling " See, told ya so" Is It China or not. Queen Says yes. England Looking for boats -OR- "hello, I am here Spanish and wait wat is this tobco"
2012-10-02 12:51:46 PM  
35 votes:
White Sox defeat Indians again.
2012-10-02 12:57:23 PM  
22 votes:
2012-10-02 04:07:43 PM  
18 votes:
Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.
2012-10-02 04:13:13 PM  
14 votes:
We've secretly replaced the East Indies with the West Indies. Let's see if anyone's noticed.
2012-10-02 04:07:50 PM  
14 votes:
[Spiffy] - Not News: Italian claims he'll find shortcut to new lands. News: By sailing WEST. Fark: Does.
2012-10-02 12:53:02 PM  
13 votes:
[HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.
2012-10-02 04:15:53 PM  
12 votes:
Strange vessels spotted approaching the coast. I'm not sayin' they're aliens, but...they're aliens.
2012-10-02 04:10:00 PM  
12 votes:
Land found on other side of Atlantic Ocean, This is not a repeat from 1000
2012-10-02 12:53:30 PM  
11 votes:
Scientist discover 100's of uses for new flora and fauna found. Still no cure for scurvy.
2012-10-02 04:59:05 PM  
10 votes:
[FAIL] Columbus discovers India, credits Apple Maps
2012-10-02 04:22:10 PM  
10 votes:
Wrong era, but I've always wanted to use this one:

[Newsflash] Gold found in California territory. EVERYBODY PAN IT
2012-10-02 12:55:35 PM  
10 votes:
Idiot Italian discovers India...again!
2012-10-02 04:46:34 PM  
9 votes:
Fark Party on Roanoke Island. What could possibly go wrong?
2012-10-02 04:15:53 PM  
9 votes:
All your base are belong to Spain.
2012-10-02 04:20:46 PM  
8 votes:
"Whites now a minority in America. Thanks, Obama."
2012-10-02 04:48:28 PM  
7 votes:

Tony_Pepperoni: GungFu: In 1942, Columbus sails the ocean blue...

a) Gets lost
b) Farks some natives
c) Profit!


Teach the controversy.
2012-10-02 04:38:33 PM  
7 votes:
[ Weird ] Italian discovers continent of stinky, uneducated, intensely tribal natives that constantly fight over land. Then left Europe and found a whole new continent to the west.
2012-10-02 04:09:37 PM  
7 votes:
Invading countries, slaughtering and enslaving the inhabitants, and claiming the land for your king is no way to go through life, son.
2012-10-02 02:36:23 PM  
7 votes:
Italians can't get anything right; miss India by 3,000 leagues.
2012-10-02 12:51:09 PM  
7 votes:
"I thought we were going to China, WTF is this sh*t?"
2012-10-02 04:12:59 PM  
6 votes:
Not News: Dumb fark thinks the world is round.
News: Doesn't fall off the edge.
Fark: Finds land filled natives.
Ultra Fark: Naked Natives!
2012-10-02 04:07:57 PM  
6 votes:
Undocumented aliens show up on coast, want to be friends, ask where we hide all the gold. What could possibly go wrong?
2012-10-02 02:19:38 PM  
6 votes:
Columbus finds vast, new lands. Contains arable land, massive lakes, and somethings called "Kardashians."
2012-10-02 12:59:39 PM  
6 votes:
Columbus finds Americas, production stops on world's largest milk carton.
2012-10-02 05:09:17 PM  
5 votes:
Trip to discover passage to India ends in failure. Thanks, Fartnando.
2012-10-02 04:30:29 PM  
5 votes:
[Obvious] Spanish subjugate, eject Moors. Celebrate by funding trip to subjgate, eject natives in newly discovered lands
2012-10-02 04:16:27 PM  
5 votes:
"Columbus Discovers America. Apple Sues For Discovery Infringement"
2012-10-02 04:13:51 PM  
5 votes:
Western passage to India found, full of magical megafauna to extinctify. Your dog wants bison.
2012-10-02 04:09:57 PM  
5 votes:
Italian immigrant shows up without papers.
2012-10-02 04:07:49 PM  
5 votes:
"The earth, shesa flat!"
"The earth, shesa round!!!"
2012-10-02 05:50:56 PM  
4 votes:
img1.fark.netView Full Size
Columbus discovers America, Natives no longer left wondering where the fark they were
2012-10-02 05:45:47 PM  
4 votes:
Fast forward a few centuries...

[ASININE] Witches found in Salem. Your God wants stake.
2012-10-02 05:00:43 PM  
4 votes:

cards fan by association: [FAIL] Columbus discovers India, credits Apple Maps


CC: "Sari, where the hell are we?"
2012-10-02 04:29:44 PM  
4 votes:
Already Bindun, says Leif Ericson
2012-10-02 04:24:08 PM  
4 votes:
FARK PARTY Tuesday in the big lodge in Manitou, Kentucky. Drew will be there; join him for shots of pulque. Duke sucks.
2012-10-02 04:23:37 PM  
4 votes:
"Yo no soy marinero. Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan.  Soy capitan, soy capitan - Baila bamba, baila bamba"
2012-10-02 04:11:45 PM  
4 votes:
Discovery of New World gold mines means massive inflation for the Spanish economy. RONALDO PAULUS!
2012-10-02 04:08:53 PM  
4 votes:
Verily for the redskins, the excrement has hit the bellows!
2012-10-02 01:49:51 PM  
4 votes:
Made new friends from across the seas :)
Have the sniffles though :(
2012-10-02 12:52:21 PM  
4 votes:
Sick of smoking Opium? Check out TOBACCO!
2012-10-02 12:51:12 PM  
4 votes:
New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.
2012-10-03 06:33:47 AM  
3 votes:
No one expects a Spanish immigration
2012-10-02 07:00:06 PM  
3 votes:
Columbus accused of smuggling STD's to the new world on the captain's dingy...
2012-10-02 06:58:00 PM  
3 votes:
Christians encounter animists, immediately rape and enslave them. Religion of PeaceTM strikes again!
2012-10-02 06:04:54 PM  
3 votes:
"Columbus encounters a brave new world just as his case of the clap turns into a standing ovation"
2012-10-02 05:52:36 PM  
3 votes:
Business Links

[FAIL] King of Portugal passes on risky shipping investment. Since this is FARK, you know what happens next.
2012-10-02 05:29:27 PM  
3 votes:

I Have The Touch of a Shocked Monkey: European ones

"How many diseases does one colonist bring to the New World?" "African or European?"
2012-10-02 05:28:46 PM  
3 votes:
i1125.photobucket.comView Full Size

/Also, we have a flag.
2012-10-02 05:07:54 PM  
3 votes:
[Obvious] Fear and surprise greet the Spanish expedition
2012-10-02 05:04:29 PM  
3 votes:
[HERO] This is going to change everything! (sponsored link)
2012-10-02 04:56:39 PM  
3 votes:
Ha! Ha! I'm exploring the New World!!1!
2012-10-02 04:47:06 PM  
3 votes:
Photoshop Theme: Columbus steps off.
2012-10-02 04:43:59 PM  
3 votes:
unconfirmedbreakingnews.comView Full Size


2012-10-02 04:43:44 PM  
3 votes:
CNN = Impoverished and downtrodded taken advantage of by Columbus and Crew

FoxNews = Columbus and crew discover new land with untold riches but are soon told they have to redistribute it to those unwilling to work

Huffington Post = Columbus intenionally infects minorities with untreatable diseases

MSNBC = Calico kittens are mans best friend
2012-10-02 04:41:57 PM  
3 votes:
[Dumbass] Only Columbus could manage to run aground half way to China.
2012-10-02 04:40:04 PM  
3 votes:
Guidos in my Carribean? it's more likely than you think
2012-10-02 04:32:36 PM  
3 votes:
Italian helicopter parents of Christopher Columbus are so proud of their son's discovery dego wop wop wop.
2012-10-02 04:30:53 PM  
3 votes:

Skywolf Philosopher: Amazing land never before cultivated by humans found. FARK: Weird, disgusting, primitive humans infest it in some places. At least our leaders say that they aren't really humans, so it's open season.

Ugly-ass baby civilization?
2012-10-02 04:26:58 PM  
3 votes:
TSG must have had to wait until yon fortnight to get some of these subjects: witches, hostile natives with facial tats, fat lips, sharpie eyebrows, sandman and possibly Jeebus
2012-10-02 04:15:42 PM  
3 votes:
Pocahontas intervenes to save life of colonist. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
2012-10-02 04:12:25 PM  
3 votes:
Columbus successfully lands in India. This is bad news... for King Ferdinand
2012-10-02 04:09:13 PM  
3 votes:
Something between us and China discovered. Still no cure for continent.
2012-10-02 04:04:19 PM  
3 votes:
Chris "Clueless" Columbus Finds India North America Caribbean Island!
2012-10-02 04:02:57 PM  
3 votes:
White invaders land, spread new diseases. EVERYBODY PANI
2012-10-02 02:40:43 PM  
3 votes:
[Followup] Early reports that Columbus discovered a new route to the East Indies may have been premature. Oops
2012-10-02 12:56:15 PM  
3 votes:
Columbus regresa después de que lo echaron
2012-10-02 08:33:31 PM  
2 votes:
News: Another group of white guys 'discovered us'. Fark: Asshats think they are in India.
2012-10-02 08:26:39 PM  
2 votes:
Balls caught in brig.  So very scared.
2012-10-02 07:15:25 PM  
2 votes:
If you picked October 12th, 1492 as the day we get off this ship, come forward to claim your prize.
2012-10-02 05:51:40 PM  
2 votes:
I don't know what a Beaver is, but a guy name Columbus just found a continent of them....
2012-10-02 05:49:06 PM  
2 votes:
I for one welcome our new metal-helmeted overlords.
2012-10-02 05:37:41 PM  
2 votes:
Fed up with the foreigners invading their territory, the Mayans invent a calendar that will make them all panic five hundred years from now.
2012-10-02 05:31:52 PM  
2 votes:
[FAIL] That new sea route to India? Yea well, about that
2012-10-02 05:08:36 PM  
2 votes:
(Daily Mail) [Sick] 20-yo hottie: I routinely sleep with a whole ship of seamen! And my husband just lies down and doesn't complain. W/ you'd hit it with face is a shovel pic.
2012-10-02 05:02:42 PM  
2 votes:
[ Florida ] Raving, probably drunk, lunatic crashes boat on our shore; gibberish and hand waving seem to indicate he thinks that makes it "his." No "Bahamas" tag so Florida stands in

/ nobody said they had to be -European- headlines
2012-10-02 04:44:18 PM  
2 votes:
People who look like Indians found in new land. They aren't Indians, but we'll call them Indians for hundreds of years anyways.
2012-10-02 04:39:15 PM  
2 votes:
I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque !
2012-10-02 04:35:00 PM  
2 votes:
What does a conquistador have to do to get a greenlight around here?
2012-10-02 04:28:23 PM  
2 votes:
"The Niña, the Puta, and the Rio Muy Sangre"
2012-10-02 04:25:45 PM  
2 votes:
The local labor is disagreeable and lack healthcare, maybe we should think about a universal healthcare system. Or, you know, import Africans to do the hard stuff.
2012-10-02 04:15:10 PM  
2 votes:
Finally - Red Sauce for Spaghetti!
2012-10-02 04:10:11 PM  
2 votes:
Illegal aliens hit east coast. Shoot border patrol injuns.
2012-10-02 04:09:58 PM  
2 votes:
[Breaking News] Waiting for a signal that Columbus has landed after 2 months and nine days of terror.

/and probably buttsex
2012-10-02 04:04:24 PM  
2 votes:

Science_Guy_3.14159: North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.

A good effort.

Pocket Ninja: Clobmus. Caught sayof fleet that has stoped saelling " See, told ya so" Is It China or not. Queen Says yes. England Looking for boats -OR- "hello, I am here Spanish and wait wat is this tobco"

But we have our winner!
2012-10-02 01:35:58 PM  
2 votes:
Amazing land never before cultivated by humans found. FARK: Weird, disgusting, primitive humans infest it in some places. At least our leaders say that they aren't really humans, so it's open season.
2012-10-02 12:53:37 PM  
2 votes:
Islamic World: "fark Spain, just take it."
2012-10-03 01:35:53 PM  
1 vote:
"All your maise are belong to us"

/late, like that goddamn Pinta.
2012-10-03 12:37:28 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus discovers scantily clad natives in new--you already clicked, didn't you?
2012-10-02 06:49:41 PM  
1 vote:
I can envision the natives proclaiming "Oh no, here come the boat people!"
2012-10-02 06:26:16 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus discovers North America, soon Duke will suck
2012-10-02 06:08:22 PM  
1 vote:
Italian finds resource to replenish dwindling bling supply - two-foot tall gold crosses for everybody!
2012-10-02 05:46:47 PM  
1 vote:
news: Columbus sails for india, doesn't fall off the world. fark: finds new lands. ultrafark: they're naked.
2012-10-02 05:43:26 PM  
1 vote:
[SCARY] Jesus Christ, it's a European!! Get in the teepee!
2012-10-02 05:35:52 PM  
1 vote:
imageshack.usView Full Size
2012-10-02 05:35:09 PM  
1 vote:

cgraves67: Italian cruise ship captain runs into coastline, jumps off ship, makes amazing claims. Not a repeat from 500 years in the future.

Winner winner chicken dinner!
2012-10-02 05:33:07 PM  
1 vote:
Colombus lands in Guanahani. New France surrenders.
2012-10-02 05:23:41 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus Discovers America, Siphilis. Still no cure for black death.
2012-10-02 05:17:30 PM  
1 vote:

KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.

European Goodwill Ambassadors to Distribute Blankets to the Needy.
2012-10-02 05:16:32 PM  
1 vote:
"Leif Ericson Pooped Here"
2012-10-02 05:14:04 PM  
1 vote:
Weird white men show up on shore. Offered food and women, but they only want to that useless yellow metal we put in our noses
2012-10-02 05:13:19 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus discovers land Vikings rejected.
2012-10-02 05:13:10 PM  
1 vote:

Leopold Stotch: mutterfark: [Obvious] Fear and surprise greet the Spanish expedition

Well I wasn't expecting some sort of Spanish expedition.

s1.b3ta.comView Full Size
2012-10-02 05:11:06 PM  
1 vote:
These people taste like chicken!
2012-10-02 05:10:09 PM  
1 vote:
Women in the Catawba tribe begin having white and delightsome babies after exposure to Mormon missionaries. Giggity.
2012-10-02 05:02:37 PM  
1 vote:
White gunsellers "lose" hundreds of guns sold to Indians. The repeats will be faster and furiouser in 500 years.
2012-10-02 04:58:07 PM  
1 vote:
Imported Africans automatically more valuable than Indians. This is not a repeat from now+500.
2012-10-02 04:55:51 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus returns from trans-Atlantic voyage. Has unnatural orange skin, spiked hair, and popped collar. May have gone native.
2012-10-02 04:54:57 PM  
1 vote:
[spiffy] ♫Selling them whiskey and taking their gold. Enslaving the young and destroying the old!♫
2012-10-02 04:52:31 PM  
1 vote:
cdn2.holytaco.comView Full Size
2012-10-02 04:50:09 PM  
1 vote:
Captain . Caught sayof rock that has stoped Horsriding " See, told ya so" Is He dead or not. Kemosabe Says yes. King Looking for spice -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for answer again"
2012-10-02 04:49:08 PM  
1 vote:
It's a trip!
2012-10-02 04:47:59 PM  
1 vote:
How is America formed? How girl get smallpox?
2012-10-02 04:45:33 PM  
1 vote:
[Fail] Columbia America, fark yeah!
2012-10-02 04:40:29 PM  
1 vote:
[Dumbass] Italian painter tries his hand at engineering, builds a flying machine. Hilarity ensues
2012-10-02 04:40:03 PM  
1 vote:
indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.comView Full Size
2012-10-02 04:38:19 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus runs into stumbling blocks on way to India.
wpcontent.answcdn.comView Full Size
2012-10-02 04:38:14 PM  
1 vote:
The earth is not flat. Now here comes the science.
2012-10-02 04:36:24 PM  
1 vote:

serial_crusher: Ugly-ass baby civilization?

Ugly-ass baby civilization born at Caribbean Zoo, Portuguese keepers don't even bother taking care of it for 10ky, somehow magically survives. With head-scalpingly cute dawwww pics.
2012-10-02 04:33:06 PM  
1 vote:

Ponzholio: White Sox defeat Indians again.

Oh my god. Comedy gold.
2012-10-02 04:29:16 PM  
1 vote:

Ponzholio: White Sox Pox defeat Indians again.

2012-10-02 04:26:56 PM  
1 vote:
Explorer mistakes tepee Indians for bindi. Hilarity ensues.
2012-10-02 04:25:25 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus thinks he finds India, finds new land instead. To mark the occasion, a holiday will be named in his honor that will have two different dates of observation.
2012-10-02 04:22:45 PM  
1 vote:
Greatest Empire in the world meets the Arawak barbarians. Libtards immediately declare them equal to Spaniards.
2012-10-02 04:17:03 PM  
1 vote:

ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...

I LOL'd!
2012-10-02 04:15:41 PM  
1 vote:

ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...

If I could vote.. twould be for you
2012-10-02 04:13:40 PM  
1 vote:
Natives are inferior beings, we will dominate the continent, all this land is ours for the taking: This is what colonists really believe.
2012-10-02 04:06:08 PM  
1 vote:
Columbus 'discovers' 'new' land, giving all Italians reason to be overly proud. For centuries.
2012-10-02 01:52:52 PM  
1 vote:
Amusing: Fark: a group of women talk out against men TotalFark: they claim that the indians deserve to own land and be treated as equals. Let's pack em to Salem, gents.
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