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(Fark)   Write some headlines that would have been posted when Columbus found the Americas. You know. If Fark had been around back then   ( fark.com) divider line
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2969 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Oct 2012 at 3:59 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-10-02 04:15:10 PM  
Finally - Red Sauce for Spaghetti!
2012-10-02 04:15:19 PM  

Odd Bird: Not News: Dumb fark thinks the world is round.
News: Doesn't fall off the edge.
Fark: Finds land filled natives.
Total Fark: With boobies that don't sag!
Ultra Fark: Naked Natives!

2012-10-02 04:15:33 PM  

jshine: Pangit: New AIDS-FREE continent discovered! Explorers encouraged to cum infest it ASAP.

All continents were AIDS-free in the 1400's; AIDS didn't exist until the 20th century.

Thanks a lot, Wilt Chamberlain and assorted gay guys.
2012-10-02 04:15:41 PM  

ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...

If I could vote.. twould be for you
2012-10-02 04:15:42 PM  
Pocahontas intervenes to save life of colonist. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.
2012-10-02 04:15:53 PM  
Strange vessels spotted approaching the coast. I'm not sayin' they're aliens, but...they're aliens.
2012-10-02 04:15:53 PM  
All your base are belong to Spain.
2012-10-02 04:16:27 PM  
"Columbus Discovers America. Apple Sues For Discovery Infringement"
2012-10-02 04:17:03 PM  

ConConHead: Seamen spill out of Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria, your mom...

I LOL'd!
2012-10-02 04:20:05 PM  

Pangit: KingoftheCheese: [HERO] The natives look cold. Good thing we brought plenty of blankets.

Hundreds of years later

And not even then, Dr. Churchill.
2012-10-02 04:20:46 PM  
"Whites now a minority in America. Thanks, Obama."
2012-10-02 04:21:13 PM  
White man meets red man, ready and eager to accept Jesus Christ - this is what Jesuits really believe.
2012-10-02 04:22:10 PM  
Wrong era, but I've always wanted to use this one:

[Newsflash] Gold found in California territory. EVERYBODY PAN IT
2012-10-02 04:22:45 PM  
Greatest Empire in the world meets the Arawak barbarians. Libtards immediately declare them equal to Spaniards.
2012-10-02 04:23:37 PM  
"Yo no soy marinero. Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan.  Soy capitan, soy capitan - Baila bamba, baila bamba"
2012-10-02 04:24:08 PM  
FARK PARTY Tuesday in the big lodge in Manitou, Kentucky. Drew will be there; join him for shots of pulque. Duke sucks.
2012-10-02 04:25:10 PM  

smartaleq: Wrong era, but I've always wanted to use this one:

[Newsflash] Gold found in California territory. EVERYBODY PAN IT

imageshack.usView Full Size

Still the wrong era, but closer: [Newsflash] Gold found in Georgia colony. EVERYBODY PAN IT
2012-10-02 04:25:25 PM  
Columbus thinks he finds India, finds new land instead. To mark the occasion, a holiday will be named in his honor that will have two different dates of observation.
2012-10-02 04:25:45 PM  
The local labor is disagreeable and lack healthcare, maybe we should think about a universal healthcare system. Or, you know, import Africans to do the hard stuff.
2012-10-02 04:26:56 PM  
Explorer mistakes tepee Indians for bindi. Hilarity ensues.
2012-10-02 04:26:58 PM  
TSG must have had to wait until yon fortnight to get some of these subjects: witches, hostile natives with facial tats, fat lips, sharpie eyebrows, sandman and possibly Jeebus
2012-10-02 04:28:23 PM  
"The Niña, the Puta, and the Rio Muy Sangre"
2012-10-02 04:29:16 PM  

Ponzholio: White Sox Pox defeat Indians again.

2012-10-02 04:29:26 PM  
Guy named Columbus steals idea from Jobs, "discovers" something new.
2012-10-02 04:29:44 PM  
Already Bindun, says Leif Ericson
2012-10-02 04:30:29 PM  
[Obvious] Spanish subjugate, eject Moors. Celebrate by funding trip to subjgate, eject natives in newly discovered lands
2012-10-02 04:30:53 PM  

Skywolf Philosopher: Amazing land never before cultivated by humans found. FARK: Weird, disgusting, primitive humans infest it in some places. At least our leaders say that they aren't really humans, so it's open season.

Ugly-ass baby civilization?
2012-10-02 04:32:26 PM  

Galloping Galoshes: White invaders land, spread new diseases. EVERYBODY PANI

Note:They returned the favor with syphilis
2012-10-02 04:32:36 PM  
Italian helicopter parents of Christopher Columbus are so proud of their son's discovery dego wop wop wop.
2012-10-02 04:32:39 PM  

Gasconne: Explorer mistakes tepee Indians for bindi. HCrilarity ensues.

2012-10-02 04:33:06 PM  

Ponzholio: White Sox defeat Indians again.

Oh my god. Comedy gold.
2012-10-02 04:33:12 PM  
"Ok, I know we're outnumbered like 20 million to 100, but all we need to do is sneeze on five of them, and by the time we come back next year, they'll be gone."
2012-10-02 04:35:00 PM  
What does a conquistador have to do to get a greenlight around here?
2012-10-02 04:35:04 PM  
[Obvious] Cristoforo Colombo discovers new world, tobacco, overcoats, circumstantial questioning.

Pair-o-Dice: "The earth, shesa flat!"
"The earth, shesa round!!!"

Ah, the classics never fail to elicit a chuckle...
2012-10-02 04:36:11 PM  
2012-10-02 04:36:24 PM  

serial_crusher: Ugly-ass baby civilization?

Ugly-ass baby civilization born at Caribbean Zoo, Portuguese keepers don't even bother taking care of it for 10ky, somehow magically survives. With head-scalpingly cute dawwww pics.
2012-10-02 04:38:14 PM  
The earth is not flat. Now here comes the science.
2012-10-02 04:38:19 PM  
Columbus runs into stumbling blocks on way to India.
wpcontent.answcdn.comView Full Size
2012-10-02 04:38:33 PM  
[ Weird ] Italian discovers continent of stinky, uneducated, intensely tribal natives that constantly fight over land. Then left Europe and found a whole new continent to the west.
2012-10-02 04:39:15 PM  
I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque !
2012-10-02 04:39:32 PM  
Columbus inherited these harsh Winters from the Bush administration, of course some people are going to die!!eleven
2012-10-02 04:39:39 PM  

Science_Guy_3.14159: North America seeing an increasing rate of Hispanic Immigration, locals worried.


2012-10-02 04:40:03 PM  
indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.comView Full Size
2012-10-02 04:40:04 PM  
Guidos in my Carribean? it's more likely than you think
2012-10-02 04:40:29 PM  
[Dumbass] Italian painter tries his hand at engineering, builds a flying machine. Hilarity ensues
2012-10-02 04:41:57 PM  
[Dumbass] Only Columbus could manage to run aground half way to China.
2012-10-02 04:43:44 PM  
CNN = Impoverished and downtrodded taken advantage of by Columbus and Crew

FoxNews = Columbus and crew discover new land with untold riches but are soon told they have to redistribute it to those unwilling to work

Huffington Post = Columbus intenionally infects minorities with untreatable diseases

MSNBC = Calico kittens are mans best friend
2012-10-02 04:43:57 PM  
Chris, Chris, Chris... You go to Cuba, y u no get box of Cohibas?
2012-10-02 04:43:58 PM  
Columbus less than thrilled about his association with Ohio
2012-10-02 04:43:59 PM  
unconfirmedbreakingnews.comView Full Size


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