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(Daily Mail)   In yet another innovation that is surely paving the way for sexbots, Chinese hospitals introduce the automatic, hands-free sperm extractor   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, Chinese, Jiangsu Province, urology, sperm, amplitudes, Chinese hospitals, extraction, hospitals introduce  
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3463 clicks; posted to Geek » on 22 Sep 2012 at 4:45 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
2012-09-22 02:13:28 AM  
No love for the orgasmatron?
2012-09-22 02:17:37 AM  
You know, they could tart the "massage pipe" up with a set of lips, or some brown coloring or something...
2012-09-22 02:46:23 AM  
media.giantbomb.comView Full Size
2012-09-22 04:40:04 AM  
I sure hope the quality control is better than on some other stuff made in China.
2012-09-22 04:46:06 AM  
Reliably predicted in Barbarella over four decades ago....
2012-09-22 05:30:54 AM  
Jesus christ LOL
2012-09-22 05:58:22 AM  
I think Japan has been dethroned. China's taking over everything.
2012-09-22 06:05:16 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: No love for the orgasmatron?

Someone needs to add Robot Holocaust to that list. That was the only redeeming part of the movie.

"The Pleasure Machine is for reward...not for habit."
2012-09-22 06:19:49 AM  
An artificial snappin' pussy?
2012-09-22 06:20:34 AM  


2012-09-22 06:26:01 AM  
China needs sperm donors? Why do they want more people? They in a competition with India?

And what, is the rhino horn and tiger penis tea not working out?
2012-09-22 06:51:51 AM  
0.tqn.comView Full Size

Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
2012-09-22 07:21:00 AM  
FTFA: "It has a small screen on the top which plays films for the user to help them with the extraction process."

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such [films, educational videos, voiceovers, etc.] as...,"
2012-09-22 07:45:28 AM  
The Chinese are too cheap to pay a prostitute?
2012-09-22 08:00:27 AM  
Worst sloppy seconds ever.
2012-09-22 08:09:33 AM  
What's subby's mom doing in China?
2012-09-22 08:14:23 AM  
nerdapproved.comView Full Size
2012-09-22 08:31:20 AM  
is there a home version?


are there different sized "pipes" for the front... cause ya know, being from China it might be a bit ... small
2012-09-22 08:36:49 AM  
Where do I order one?
i1.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
2012-09-22 08:56:58 AM  
Hands free you said?
topnews.usView Full Size

Well, OK. If you're picky

blog.amsvans.comView Full Size
2012-09-22 09:13:37 AM  
Balls, meet Mr. Needle! Also hands-free.This is terrifying!

*reads article*

Now I feel disappointed. Apparently our new robot masters are hiding behind a glorified glory hole.
2012-09-22 09:21:45 AM  
so much wrong with this.

1.- Is that shiat clean?
2.- Won't I get AIDS from other dudes penises?
3.- Will it tear my dick off? I'm just having a Robocop ED-209 vision.
4.- That looks rather small. Is it a one size fits all? Oh wait, chinese penises LOLOLOL.

wiki.base22.comView Full Size

"Drop your semen. You have 15 seconds to comply."

Luckily, I'm a premature ejaculator XD
2012-09-22 10:14:31 AM  

Tubesteak: Where do I order one?
[ image 500x313]

Ok I think that may be the funniest thing I've seen in a month lol.
2012-09-22 10:17:07 AM  
We've had lots of jobs outsourced to China, and now we're outsourcing handjobs?
2012-09-22 11:52:05 AM  
They took our jerrrrkks!

I don't envision these in doctor's offices, more like coin-op versions in adult video stores/arcades
2012-09-22 02:13:06 PM  

Tubesteak: Where do I order one?
[ image 500x313]

My money. Take it.

Actually, I think there was a machine marketed to perform this function. I'll see if I can find it later when I'm not working.
2012-09-22 02:15:52 PM  
Old news. All you need is some plastic pipe and an orbital sander.

Go one, someone post the picture...
2012-09-22 03:17:49 PM  
I hope future versions will have different rhythms to choose from.

Select Program:
- The Quickie
- The Seduction
- Shy but Hungry
- The Crack Whore
- Bossa Nova
- The Dyson
2012-09-22 04:45:14 PM  
If you're really worried about sticking your dick somewhere so many other dicks have been, you're only going to end up dating ugly people.
2012-09-22 09:09:12 PM  
My wife looked at this and said "if they could add one to the handle of vacuum cleaners, maybe men would do more housework." Patented ball technology, indeed.
2012-09-22 11:07:47 PM  
There are some things you just don't want to "borrow".
2012-09-23 06:09:46 PM  

swaxhog: [ image 800x600] 

Trust me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Came for the "A Boy and His Dog" reference. Leaving satisfied.
2012-09-23 09:36:24 PM  

skinink: Worst sloppy seconds ever.

media.tumblr.comView Full Size

/could've told you that
2012-09-24 01:21:30 AM  

Larva Lump: Extractor?



I agree. The thought of this machine is terrifying.
2012-09-24 02:28:10 PM  

Nuclear Monk: I hope future versions will have different rhythms to choose from.

Select Program:
- The Quickie
- The Seduction
- Shy but Hungry
- The Crack Whore
- Bossa Nova
- The Dyson

I prefer the "Cagey-Cat" setting.
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