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(Daily Mail)   Calling a teacher a muggle, passing a note saying your hair resembles 'a boner' and other hilarious reasons for receiving detention   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Amusing, United States, homework assignments, Zero Wing  
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10372 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Sep 2012 at 1:08 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-09-16 02:52:20 AM  
4 votes:
When I was a 13 year old altar boy I substituted vinegar for sacramental wine. I thought I was going to choke to death on my supressed laughter. This monsignor was a little bit of a tipster and used to want the chalice filled up pretty full. Then he would throw the whole thing back in one gulp. Tears fell down both of our faces. Him trying to swallow the blood of Jesus that can't be spit out and me trying not to laugh. Then the priest asked that the bottle be thrown out before the next mass. I carefully placed the half gallon cask in the dumpster. At noon recess, I enticed some friends to drink it with me. Showing off I chugged wayyyyy toooo much. It was January. I didn't feel too drunk. When I got back in school my first class was near a radiator. I got smashed. While I could still walk I asked for a pass to the library. There a found a little used stack of books to lay down and try to sleep it off. Standing and sitting had gotten way too complicated. When I woke up I was surrounded by several nuns. One of the nuns announced, "I'll tell you what's wrong with him! He's DRUNK!" I was dragged to the mother superior's office where I confessed the whole caper. I was forced to make a confession to the very same priest. He decided that I enjoyed 05:30 mass so much that I would have to serve every 05:30 mass for the rest of my days at the Academy. Fortunately, he died two years later and I was able to opt out of the mass with the new rector that didn't know the terms and conditions of my continuing my education at that school. In fact I haven't been back to church since and I am almost 60 years old.
2012-09-16 02:40:29 AM  
2 votes:
CSB time :

When I was in 7th grade (around 1988) me and a classmate were wrestling in the classroom due to our teacher being out of the room for a few mins. I get a shoelace wrapped around an overhead projector cart so I when I go to stand up the cart comes with me and the projector falls to the ground, breaking it. We both ran to our seats and everyone got quiet. When our teacher walked in he said "Boy what a great class!" Someone then said "THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK!" 3 days detention and we both had to pay half to get it repaired.

Fast forward several years....1 day in my programming class we had a sub, and she was a royal coont. So we played a little practical joke on her. About 20 mins before our break we all opened up GW-BASIC and wrote the code to play the William Tell overture, but we did it on a delay. We also looped it, so the first computer played it, then 15 seconds later the 2nd one did, then the 3rd one, and so on. When we all got back from break she was in her office with the door shut, and they were all still playing. She was so pissed off but it was so farking hilarious.
2012-09-16 12:38:16 AM  
2 votes:

bingethinker: "Egregious and stentorian flatulence."

I think that was my favorite detention note.
2012-09-16 02:51:34 AM  
1 vote:
I was in the 7&8th grade science lab and noticed that the plastic cover of the floor drain was partially broken. Out of boredom (I guess) I used the foot of the chair to break it the rest of the way. Over the course of a couple weeks it filled up with trash and dirt from the floor, the janitor must have just swept over it. Which wouldn't have been such a big deal if Shane hadn't decided to pull the emergency shower lever for shiats and giggles. Apparently when he pulled the lever he broke it, and it took them a while to get the water shut off. The water from the science lab poured out and flooded a section of the hallway and an adjacent classroom. And since that drain was thoroughly clogged, it stayed flooded for some time. Shane got expelled. I got a Paul Harvey style "The rest of the story" to brag about to my classmates.
2012-09-16 02:26:24 AM  
1 vote:
Articles like these makes me wish I kept my detention letter. A friend and I were in about 2nd grade and messing around on an older Apple computer that had a text-to-speech program. I'm glad that it got past words like "shiat whores" and instead glitched and repeatedly looped "KISS MY BUTT." Except the program made it sound more like "KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT KISS MY BOT." I was shocked when my parents didn't whoop my butt as expected, and instead spent about 5 straight minutes laughing their asses off.
2012-09-16 02:13:06 AM  
1 vote:
But "Muggle" IS the polite, proper term.

Now "Mudblood", THAT'S racist.
2012-09-16 01:39:35 AM  
1 vote:

RodneyToady: Shockingly inappropriate: A male student who expressed wanting milk from another girl's breasts received a notice home and loss of recess

Someone's been listening to Aphex Twin.

I've always preferred David Firth's interpretation of Milkman.

/Also, a short message from Richard's friend, Tom:
//Come on my Selector
2012-09-16 12:15:54 AM  
1 vote:
I don't feel tardy.
2012-09-16 12:00:04 AM  
1 vote:
Dammit subby, you almost made me click on a Daily Mail link.
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