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(Panama City News Herald)   She held up a condom and told him, "I need to use this on somebody"   (newsherald.com) divider line
    More: Florida  
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23188 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2012 at 1:59 PM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2012-08-23 11:01:31 AM  
zipmeme.comView Full Size
 
2012-08-23 11:11:38 AM  
The hell?

/stupid like that should cost you money
 
2012-08-23 11:17:27 AM  
Why is this even a news story? That dumbass himself should have known what was going to happen.

Unless she farking hog tied him with the condom (which would be awesomely impressive) this story is a big "meh."
 
2012-08-23 11:26:09 AM  
Dear Penthouse Forum,

Can your readers re-write this for me? Somehow it didn't quite happen like it should have...
 
2012-08-23 11:35:22 AM  
i253.photobucket.comView Full Size
What a condom being used on somebody may look like.
 
2012-08-23 11:51:50 AM  
Satire, actual news, a badly written joke? WTF was that?

[myheadisfulloffark]
 
2012-08-23 12:01:30 PM  
Dear Penthouse, I can't believe this actually happened to me...
 
2012-08-23 12:36:41 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: The hell?

/stupid like that should cost you money


Sounds like he paid for a prostitute, who took the money and ran.
LOL
 
2012-08-23 12:46:18 PM  

Diogenes: Why is this even a news story? That dumbass himself should have known what was going to happen.

Unless she farking hog tied him with the condom (which would be awesomely impressive) this story is a big "meh."


It's the police blotter.
 
2012-08-23 12:50:20 PM  

namatad: MaudlinMutantMollusk: The hell?

/stupid like that should cost you money

Sounds like he paid for a prostitute, who took the money and ran.
LOL


Never flash the cash up front. Do your deed, donkey punch, then cheese-it!
 
2012-08-23 2:01:17 PM  
How much did she get? 8 dollars?
 
2012-08-23 2:01:28 PM  
That sounds like legitimate rape.
 
2012-08-23 2:01:54 PM  
This was stolen from the first Encyclopedia Brown book...
 
2012-08-23 2:02:06 PM  

vodka: How much did she get? 8 dollars?


EIGHT DAHH!!LERS!!!!
 
2012-08-23 2:02:07 PM  
What an ass.
 
2012-08-23 2:05:31 PM  

Diogenes: Why is this even a news story? That dumbass himself should have known what was going to happen.

Unless she farking hog tied him with the condom (which would be awesomely impressive) this story is a big "meh."


Many news stories are just parables. Something you can use to teach your children how to behave.
 
2012-08-23 2:06:51 PM  
Fact-filled, detail-driven stories like this are why we need local newspapers.
 
2012-08-23 2:08:06 PM  

TheHappTroll: What an ass.


So THAT'S why he let her in!
 
2012-08-23 2:08:08 PM  
... and then she fixed the cable.
 
2012-08-23 2:09:04 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: Dear Penthouse, I can't believe this actually happened to me...


In a very early issue of Penthouse, I read a letter that purported to be from a guy who became aroused while stuffing his Thanksgiving turkey and proceeded to go all American Pie in its stuffing-filled cavity. After a far-too-long description of the glistening bird and the warmth of the stuffing and achieving satisfaction, the story ended with this:

"And in that moment, I realized that I could truly eat my bird, and pullet, too."

Yeah, that's when I figured out that the letters weren't really from readers....
 
2012-08-23 2:10:57 PM  

WhippingBoy: This was stolen from the first Encyclopedia Brown book...


Win. Loved the series, especially the dead hooker stories.
 
2012-08-23 2:14:10 PM  
cdn-static.denofgeek.comView Full Size

Well played, lady, well played...
 
2012-08-23 2:16:41 PM  
Costanza?
 
b3x
2012-08-23 2:17:53 PM  

devilEther: That sounds like legitimate rape.


He knew her, so it was illegitimate rape.
 
2012-08-23 2:18:04 PM  
Similar thing happened to me, except it was blond twins. I had my wallet stolen Friday, twice on Saturday, Sunday, the following Tuesday, and then twice more on Thursday.
 
2012-08-23 2:19:11 PM  
The power of the P.U.S.S.Y.

Vagina is undefeated and untied.
 
2012-08-23 2:19:31 PM  
She was walkin' around, roamin' around, what did she see? Someone like you, and all you know, and how you speak. Countless lovers ... she hopes it's gonna make you noh-teh-hesss...You know she needs-da use somebod-hehhhhh. SOMEONE LIKE MEEEEE


/ohhhh waaay ohhhh ohhhhhhh
 
2012-08-23 2:22:09 PM  
Came for Costanza, leaving unsatisfied.
 
2012-08-23 2:25:54 PM  
bigsurweddings.comView Full Size


After she left his bedroom (without any sex having occurred, by the way)
he noticed his wallet, which had been sitting on his nightstand near the bed, was a little light.
By the time he realized what had happened, his guest was gone, and so was his money.
 

Commonly known as marriage.
 
2012-08-23 2:28:38 PM  
That's what the guest room is for.dummy.
 
2012-08-23 2:29:32 PM  

namatad: MaudlinMutantMollusk: The hell?

/stupid like that should cost you money

Sounds like he paid for a prostitute, who took the money and ran.
LOL


It also sounds autobiographical for that "staff reporter". How farked up is that?
 
2012-08-23 2:29:44 PM  

Whistler36: WhippingBoy: This was stolen from the first Encyclopedia Brown book...

Win. Loved the series, especially the dead hooker stories.


My favorite by far was Encyclopedia Brown and the Burning Pee.
 
2012-08-23 2:30:00 PM  
Was I the only person expecting this to be another story about Julian Assange?
 
2012-08-23 2:31:42 PM  
She did't f*ck him!
She used her punany as a weapon!

It's just like a marriage.
 
2012-08-23 2:33:37 PM  
Meh - Had he gone to a gay cruisy park, at least he'd have legitimately gotten his johnson polished while his wallet was stolen.

/so I'm told
 
2012-08-23 2:34:13 PM  
That guy is so stupid, I want to find him and use a blow up doll to rob him blind. Or maybe just a xerox of a blow up doll, much cheaper.
 
2012-08-23 2:34:19 PM  
This is written with a very... personal tone. I'm wondering if the author was the male in the story.
 
2012-08-23 2:35:18 PM  
Didn't even make him a sammich, biatch.
 
2012-08-23 2:36:16 PM  
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping at Home Depot. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.

It is impossible not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Jul 5th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 22nd. Also August 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th & 23rd and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for 2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot. 

/old joke is old.
 
2012-08-23 2:36:57 PM  
Hope schwings eternal?
 
2012-08-23 2:37:09 PM  
Hey baby won't you look my way
I can be your new addiction
Hey baby what you gotta say?
All you're giving me is fiction
I'm a sorry sucker and this happens all the time
I found out that everybody talks
Everybody talks, everybody talks

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I could hear the chit chat
Take me to your love shack
Mamas always gotta back track
When everybody talks back

Hey honey you could be my drug
You could be my new prescription
Too much could be an overdose
All this trash talk make me itchin
Oh my my
Everybody talks, everybody talks
Everybody talks, too much

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I could hear the chit chat
Take me to your love shack
Mamas always gotta back track
When everybody talks back

Never thought I'd live
To see the day
When everybody's words got in the way

Hey sugar show me all your love
All you're giving me is friction
Hey sugar what you gotta say?

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her
And then she made my lips hurt
I could hear the chit chat
Take me to your love shack
Mamas always gotta back track
When everybody talks back

Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks
Everybody talks...back

It started with a whisper
And that was when I kissed her

Everybody talks
Everybody talks...back
 
2012-08-23 2:38:19 PM  
When he tells his friends about how he was lured by a condom, he's gonna get ribbed. Um, see what I did there?
 
2012-08-23 2:41:37 PM  
manscreed.comView Full Size


This is why always provide lubricated condoms to the hooker-thieves who come to my house.
 
2012-08-23 2:42:46 PM  

DROxINxTHExWIND: The power of the P.U.S.S.Y.

Vagina is undefeated and untied.


DROxINxTHExWIND: The power of the P.U.S.S.Y.

Vagina is undefeated and untied.


"You know what's wrong with women....they got HALF the Money and ALL the PUSSY!!"

img.rp.vhd.meView Full Size


"Don't Let Your Dick Run Your Life"


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2012-08-23 2:45:57 PM  
I get the impression that TFA was translated into English.
 
2012-08-23 2:49:53 PM  

Elzar: namatad: MaudlinMutantMollusk: The hell?

/stupid like that should cost you money

Sounds like he paid for a prostitute, who took the money and ran.
LOL

Never flash the cash up front. Do your deed, donkey punch, then cheese-it!


Words to live by!!
 
2012-08-23 2:52:08 PM  
Women are so often scammin'. I never learn.
 
2012-08-23 2:53:29 PM  

namatad: MaudlinMutantMollusk: The hell?

/stupid like that should cost you money

Sounds like he paid for a prostitute, who took the money and ran.
LOL


It's a kinder, gentler jackroll.
 
2012-08-23 2:53:30 PM  

vballer: Came for Costanza, leaving unsatisfied.


Ummm....look 5 posts above yours....
 
2012-08-23 2:54:50 PM  
Take off you clothes, lay on the bed/floor/table, spread your legs and say "I need to use this on somebody" and we can talk, honey. Until then, see ya.
 
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