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A few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/5 - 8/11
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-08-15 6:07:33 PM (2 comments) | Permalink
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652 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Aug 2012 at 6:08 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Nothing to add this week, enjoy the headlines

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-08-05 to Sat 2012-08-11:

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  Spice kills man in transport accident after failure to navigate a route    
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  Woman refuses to pull over for police and leads them on a high speed chase because she was topless on her way to surprise her boyfriend. BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER    
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  Nine-year-old Detroit boy's lemonade stand raises $3400 for city government, while he somehow manages not to be shot, stabbed, robbed, set on fire, shut down by the health department or shaken down by the city council    
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  Males less supportive of gay marriage. Way to stick it to the man    
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  Study finds one in four parents spank their children in public. The other three not in Walmart that day    
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  Typhoon Haikui Strikes - East Coast of China Hit - Evacuate Now    
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  Authorities responding to medical emergency at American research station in Antarctica. Initial reports are confusing, mentioning traumatic double amputation resulting from teeth in thoracic cavity    
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  Massachusetts' largest white oak killed. Police are rounding up all the black oaks in the area    
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  Beetles killing California's avocado trees; symptoms include white secretions from bark. I knew this day wood cum    
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  Neil Armstrong recovering after heart bypass surgery. Doctors say he is already up and around and has taken his first small step for a man    
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  Long-haired freaky person decides to "clean up the neighborhood" by stealing 57 campaign signs from 18 different candidates. Apparently thought they were blocking the scenery, breaking his mind    
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Sports:

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  Manchester United learns it's not so easy to sell 'Packers stock' when the fan base completely made up of alcoholics. Okay, bad example    
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  Nebraska offensive lineman Tyler Moore leaves team. He's not going to make it after all    
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  Ochoclinko    
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Geek:

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  Gene linked to PTSD. You should stay away from him    
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  Stressed men drawn to heavy women, and not just by gravitational fields    
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  Work on Curiosity comes to a halt when Windows Update, Flash Update, Java Update, Firefox Update, and Rover SP 4 updates popped up on the rover's screen    
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Entertainment:

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  Matt Lauer says "Indian giver" live on The Today Show, comes under fire from various organizations. If only he could take it back    
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  Now I understand everyone's shiat's emotional right now but I've got a three point plan that's going to fix everything: An Idiocracy spin-off with President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho is in the works    
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  The mom from What's Eating Gilbert Grape has lost 244 pounds. Looks like someone has really lit a fire under her    
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Politics:

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  First round of RNC speakers announced: The Joker, Two Face, The Penguin, The Riddler and (in black Ferragamo boots) Catwoman    
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  Able to recognize a steaming pile when they see one, Scotts Miracle-Gro endorses Romney    
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  Nancy Pelosi says she saw ghosts in the White House. In response, White House has removed all mirrors from any room Nancy Pelosi visits    
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Business:

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  Hyundai recalls cars because air bag won't deploy if passenger is less than 130 pounds; absolutely no Americans have been injured so far    
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  It's time to see older workers as an asset, not just as a source of food and replacement organs    
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  Carney blows whistle on bad banks, offers three ring tosses for a buck    
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· · ·

2 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-08-16 10:29:56 AM  
Some of these were fantastic. Typhoon haiku, long haired freaky person, and Tyler Moore cracked me up.
 
2012-08-16 03:34:53 PM  
Typhoon haiku was great, but off by a syllable
 
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