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(The Province)   The most important news article in the history of humankind   ( theprovince.com) divider line
    More: Scary, zucchini, pollination, rotting, long peppers, flowers, pollen, squashes, soils  
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11734 clicks; posted to Geek » on 12 Aug 2012 at 10:01 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-08-12 11:10:39 AM  
2 votes:

Neondistraction: notmtwain: You won't be laughing when your next box of Cap'n Crunch goes to $10 because of the drought, too-moist-sub-tard.

Just what exactly does this article about zucchini growing have to do with the drought or its impact on the cost of cereal?

It's all falling into place....

notmtwain toiled for years in the harsh zucchini fields of Nebraska. Working to get his degrees in meteorology, quantum physics, and various other science-y degrees, notmtwain was ready to achieve his ultimate goal: The perfect zucchini. Surely this was a specimen that would change the image of the humble squash and propel it from punchline with a funny sounding name to dinner staple across America, NO! The WORLD!

Soon, his life's goal was complete, only for reality to come by and crush it as if it were a pumpkin lined up against a teenage hoodlum. He sat at market for hours, dAYS, only to find out that even though his zucchini had not only been in the ground the proper amount of time, but received the exact amount of water through a makeshift weather control device and the right nutrients from a new soil composition he developed, everyone wanted CORN.

Corn... The grain that passes for a vegetable that would haunt his dreams to this very moment, every waking moment, flaunting its subsidies and it's usefulness in many other applications from cereal to packing peanuts to fuel that gums up your engines. Corn. Commanding much more money despite it's inferiority to his super zucchini.

He'll show them. He's already won, don't you see?! He's turned the weather control device into a weapon capable of affecting large parts of the country, working to kill all the corn in the country. When food prices skyrocket, notmtwain shall ride to the rescue with a new type of zucchini, capable of being transformed into a low cost alternative for corn in cereals... And soon he will rule the commodity markets, one zucchini at a time.

But perhaps I've said too much...
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