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(WCNC Charlotte)   Man induces SWAT standoff after barricading himself in a hotel room and demanding pizza and to marry Paris Hilton. Man begged to be taken in after the police complied with his wishes and delivered Paris Hilton   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, SWAT team, Hampton Inn, second floor, Belmont Stakes, hotels  
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8679 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Jul 2012 at 2:19 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-07-08 03:43:23 AM  
2 votes:

Rufus Lee King: Given the opportunity, I would "do" Paris Hilton.

The rest of you wouldn't, eh?

Not even with one of these:
cdn.epicski.comView Full Size
2012-07-08 03:17:28 AM  
2 votes:
No, no, no, they got it ALL WRONG. He actually wanted to marry THE Paris Hilton.
planetcalypsoforum.comView Full Size

And can you blame him? Just look at sexy, uninteresting architecture that looks like every other hotel everywhere... I need a cold shower just thinking about it.
2012-07-08 08:41:06 AM  
1 vote:
well done and bravo malaktaus
2012-07-08 07:46:43 AM  
1 vote:

pottie: malaktaus: Relatively Obscure: Authorities say he's had several run-ins with SWAT Teams in other states.

[ image 300x226]

My apartment was once raided by a SWAT team. There was also an ATF agent present. This happened in New Hampshire of all places, and no successful charges were ever brought against anyone. Long story.

We have time...go ahead.

Well, here goes: When I was 19 I got my first apartment with two friends. I worked at an industrial laundromat in the sorting department, separating shiat-stained sheets from nursing homes from table cloths from a variety of restaurants, containing a great deal of food and even silverware and plates, the lazy bastards, all crawling with maggots. My friend Dan had a shiatty data entry job, and Tom worked part time at a pizza joint and also sold a little weed on the side.

Tom, in his constant effort to improve his hookups and get new customers, got to know everyone in the neighborhood. In particular he got to know Dee, a crack dealer who also had hookups for very cheap (though low quality) weed, and Dee's "landlord" if you can call him that; the landlord was a flamboyantly gay crack addict with a master's degree in psychology, his specialty being substance abuse counseling of all things, and Dee paid him in crack rather than money because he had a hell of a monkey on his back.

Nevertheless, one day without warning the landlord kicked Dee out (as well as his girlfriend and best friend/ partner in crime, who were living with him.) Dan and I got home one day to find that Tom had invited Dee and his little posse to stay at our place for a couple weeks. A crack dealer, for fark's sake. The whole thing was a fait accompli by the time Dan and I got there, and what do you say to something like that? We ultimately acquiesced under the condition that they be gone in two weeks, tops. They didn't last two days.

The first night there was a huge party, "party favors" being provided by Dee. I remember that night with some fondness; I actually had some success with a girl I had been carrying a torch for for a while, a rare event with me- she's still the most attractive woman I've ever convinced to sleep with me. We had snuck off to an abandoned part of the building- our apartment was the only one in the place that hadn't been abandoned, a building over a century old and a little creepy that the new owners were planning on renovating. Still, it did the trick; we did a few lines of coke and farked like rabbits. We had no idea anything was amiss until we went back downstairs and saw that everyone was gone. Tom filled us in: a local asshole who constantly tried to fark everyone's girlfriend and frequently claimed he had even if she wouldn't put out had started a bunch of bullshiat, and Dee had solved the problem by waving his 9mm around, causing everyone to disappear. Dan and I had not even known that he had a gun.

The next day I didn't have work. I slept in, and then around 7:30 P.M. a few people showed up- not really a party, but a handful of people hanging out smoking weed and drinking a few beers. I had to work early the next day, so I went to my room to sleep around 9:00. Almost as soon as I nodded off I was awakened by the noise of a SWAT team busting in our front door. They cuffed everyone in the living room, then busted into my room and cuffed me and dragged me out there too. I had no warrants out, so after running my ID they had to let me go. I went for a long walk.

When I got back I got the rest of the story from Tom: apparently the same dick who had started shiat at the party had gone to the cops afterwards. They had been watching Dee for a while- Shane had suspected as much, which is why he kicked Dee out- and when they heard about how he was waving a gun around like an idiot they decided to raid him immediately. They found no cocaine, because he happened to be dry that night; the gun was stolen (there had been an ATF agent involved in the raid because of this), so they had arrested Dee for that, but they couldn't prove it belonged to any specific person and ultimately they had to drop all charges. They seemed to have intentionally left the weed behind, as there was a quarter pound in a gift bag on top of the giant pile they had made of all our shiat; we smoked it gladly.

I joined the Army not long after this, partly because I felt the local cops were getting to know me a little too well, even though I had avoided arrest, and partly because it was a few months after 9/11 and joining the Army sounded like a good idea at the time.

2012-07-08 05:09:42 AM  
1 vote:

tzzhc4: Rufus Lee King: tzzhc4: I would not do her with your dick.

B'wana Dik?

Juwanna Mann?

[ image 461x369]

B'wana Beast?

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
2012-07-08 03:36:57 AM  
1 vote:

Rufus Lee King: tzzhc4: I would not do her with your dick.

B'wana Dik?

Juwanna Mann?

content8.flixster.comView Full Size
2012-07-08 02:45:26 AM  
1 vote:
Sometimes you have to make consessions with these guys to avoid a standoff. He wants a pizza and Paris Hilton, you give it to him.
It's not like he asked for Kate Upton and some lobster.
2012-07-08 02:23:11 AM  
1 vote:
Authorities say he's had several run-ins with SWAT Teams in other states.

Me? I just get drunk for entertainment. Or rent a movie.

Of course, it sounds like the preferred method of dealing with this yahoo is to put him on a bus to somewhere else.
2012-07-08 02:20:40 AM  
1 vote:
For his sentence...make him MARRY Paris Hilton.
2012-07-08 12:05:48 AM  
1 vote:
Authorities say he's had several run-ins with SWAT Teams in other states.

alltheragefaces.comView Full Size
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