Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Wikia)   You're the president of Earth. Aliens invade and demand that you nuke one American city. Which city do you choose? Difficulty: no Detroit   ( divider line
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

8385 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jun 2012 at 4:19 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

664 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | » | Newest | Show all

2012-06-23 07:05:33 PM  
As a Chicago Bears fan, I'd say that Green Bay can go. But it's awfully tempting to want to nuke Wasilla, Alaska,. . . ;-)
2012-06-23 07:06:52 PM  

vincent_blackshadow: alamagordo, nm - it has prior experience ...

Care to elaborate?
Or are you talking about trinity? Cause that's a lot closer to Carrizozo.

As for me, I'd pick El Paso if it weren't for the Rio Grande passing through. I'd hate irradiate all those folks down stream. El paso/Juarez is a shiathole.
2012-06-23 07:08:14 PM  
Colorado City, AZ. Because I hate fundies.
2012-06-23 07:08:54 PM  
For this example, can New Jersey be considered a city?

/Or we'll just call it "Camden and the surround area".
2012-06-23 07:11:21 PM  

MAYORBOB: Sorry, there is no such person as President of Earth, alien guy.

Years ago it the aliens said King of Earth, Elvis would be the guy.
2012-06-23 07:11:47 PM  
First I'd grab some tequila, my sax, and some Bach...then I'd decide.
2012-06-23 07:11:49 PM  

Conthan: Wichita, KS without a doubt.

Not even a contest.
2012-06-23 07:11:55 PM  

Oldiron_79: SF or LA if it has to be a significant city.

If it can be any "city" Centralia, PA, its uninhabitable anyways.

If we're limited to for-real cities you can still go with, say, Oklahoma city, it'd actually destroy a significant population, buildings, etc but would have slightly less economic and environmental effect than dropping the nuke on a cow pasture.

Much as I dislike LA it's a major port and one of our biggest sources of oil, etc.
2012-06-23 07:14:11 PM  

Nuke those shiatholes from orbit twice.
2012-06-23 07:14:49 PM  
Los Angeles
For being the city of Angels, it is a city without a soul. No one will miss it. No one should.
2012-06-23 07:17:52 PM  
All these midwest and western targets would result in fallout landing in high population areas to their east.

I think the Baltimore or Newark options might work best. Urban renewal at it's finest and the fallout happens at sea.

Also, there's no spec on the size of the device. Give me a little 10kt unit and I could find you a spot in Dallas county where it might break some windows but that's it. Hell, remember that our main airport is larger than Manhattan. Hmm, and they could finally do proper upgrades to the terminal design...

If you want to drop a megaton device give me a little notice. I know a building that was built to survive such a blast by a DoD contractor that used to house important computers once upon a time. It's no longer held by that DoD contractor so the place is much softer to get into. It's still three feet of concrete, but it's plastered over to look like a normal building.
2012-06-23 07:18:12 PM  
can i have two nukes? i cant make up my mind between L.A and N.Y
2012-06-23 07:18:54 PM  
Whichever one the submitter lives in.
2012-06-23 07:19:05 PM  
Harry Turtledove played this out already in 'Worldwar'. The choice was... Indianapolis

Of course by that point a lot of other choices had already been taken.
2012-06-23 07:19:05 PM  
Miami, Florida.

2012-06-23 07:20:38 PM  
I'm going to paraphrase Bogart when I say there are sections of Detroit I wouldn't advise aliens to try and invade. Moreover, I'm not convinced nuking it from orbit would be sure.
2012-06-23 07:21:07 PM  
sharetv.orgView Full Size
2012-06-23 07:22:08 PM  
Akron, OH.
2012-06-23 07:23:48 PM  

violentsalvation: I don't know. What is the smallest, most isolated American city?

McCarthy, AK. I love that place, so please don't.
2012-06-23 07:26:11 PM  
Hmmmmm. Not sure what the most effective target would be.

I'm thinking NYC or DC.
2012-06-23 07:30:01 PM  
Indianapolis. Then commit suicide.

2012-06-23 07:30:31 PM  
See, none of you are thinking like a legislator.
You have a problem where you are presented with two choices, and you don't like either, so you legislate your way out of it.

Answer is you declare some signpost in the middle of New Mexico a "city" and let the air-force have at it. Maybe try and schedule it with some new testing of equipment etc. that you'll not have had a chance to previously test in a live weapons test.
If you wanted to really go down that line, sell the right to test equipment there to Lockheed, Boeing etc. and make some coin from the aliens benevolance. Make sure some of said coin is in the form of campaign contributions of course.

/ Media buy-ins as well would be a thing you should look into. I imagine the exclusive media rights to live broadcast a nuke going off will likely be significant. Combined with the above campaign cash, and the inevitable spinning of "defending our planet by agreeing to the alien overlords demands", and you can come out of it 10 points up, with a nice warchest built up, as well as you know, all that saving-the-people bullcrap.

// Amateurs.
2012-06-23 07:32:17 PM  

Yaxe: Bakersville,California.

Nuke those shiatholes from orbit twice.

I actually liked being in Hemet
2012-06-23 07:32:26 PM  
we are kinda leaving out a big one ...
arizona really needs a nuking ...
2012-06-23 07:33:38 PM  

SoxSweepAgain: Any city in Texas, except Austin.

2012-06-23 07:34:12 PM  
Reno, NV.
2012-06-23 07:34:38 PM  
Gillette, Wyoming or Roswell, New Mexico. Those are the 2 most depressing places I have ever been.
2012-06-23 07:34:48 PM  
And let me add: whatever city my ex-wife is currently "go go dancing" in.

Innocent lives lost? No, trust me. I'm doing THEM the favour.
2012-06-23 07:34:58 PM  

JonnyBGoode: Indianapolis. Then commit suicide.


I beat ya to it! ;-) Lizard lover!
2012-06-23 07:35:26 PM  
How 'bout a tactical nuke on JFK International? Something big enough to take out all terminals, but leave the rest of the NYC metro area unharmed? That's got to be the worst airport I've been in--and I've been in a few...

If that doesn't work, how about Jerry Falwell's hometown, wherever that is?
2012-06-23 07:36:21 PM  
Johnson county, ks.

/yeah i know its not a city.
2012-06-23 07:38:27 PM  
Can we talk the aliens into "That whole Bible Belt is one big City" and get them to take that out? Maximum loss of derp is the only way to go.
2012-06-23 07:39:21 PM  
I'm ok with nuking Detroit. Just give me a heads up so I can get a safe distance away.
2012-06-23 07:40:44 PM  
Ann Arbor.
2012-06-23 07:42:42 PM  
Rockford, Illinois, where my cheating ex-fiancee lives.
2012-06-23 07:44:38 PM  

Kyoki: Either Birmingham, Alabama or maybe Omaha, Nebraska.

hey........we're not that bad!

2012-06-23 07:44:42 PM  
Use prevailing wind patterns to choose the lease harm down wind, then the smallest city they will allow.
2012-06-23 07:46:10 PM  
Isn't Atlanta quickly becoming the Detroit of the south?
2012-06-23 07:47:43 PM  

fusillade762: Benni K Rok: fusillade762: What city is Duke in?

If you don't know how to use Google by now, you don't get to nuke it.

/That's why I did my homework before I named Colomubs, and specfically mentioned OSU.

If I'd said "Durham, NC" I'm not sure anyone would have gotten the reference.

Keizer_Ghidorah: Wala Wala, Washington.

/fun to say Wala Wala

Even more fun to spell correctly.

You could have just said Durham, NC because Duke Sucks.
2012-06-23 07:48:15 PM  
Salt Lake City. Nothing of redeemable value there.
2012-06-23 07:50:25 PM  
El Paso, TX.
2012-06-23 07:50:27 PM  

/North American city.
2012-06-23 07:51:17 PM  

jasonbondshow: Rockford, Illinois, where my cheating ex-fiancee lives.

Rather tha wipe out an entire population based on an ex's behavior, we might want to focus our attention as to why she was cheating on you.

Keep in mind I've been sinking cheap drafts all day so don't expect a well thought out response
2012-06-23 07:52:06 PM  

AllUpInYa: Isn't Atlanta quickly becoming the Detroit of the south?

Detroit doesn't have trouble holding onto hockey franchises.
2012-06-23 07:52:47 PM  
Baton Rouge...

Ex-wife lives there.
2012-06-23 07:53:24 PM  
Not sure if it has been said, but Sun City, Arizona or Scottsdale, Arizona. So long as Phoenix is safe fark those two places
2012-06-23 07:55:59 PM  

wcvanhorne: JonnyBGoode: Indianapolis. Then commit suicide.


I beat ya to it! ;-) Lizard lover!

Curses! My search of the thread failed me.
2012-06-23 07:56:57 PM  
Kenosha, WI and Rock Hill, SC

Dated women from these places and they were all Crazy, it has to be the cities, they have to go!
2012-06-23 07:58:29 PM  

jasonbondshow: Rockford, Illinois, where my cheating ex-fiancee lives.

I was going to say Flint, Mi., where my cheating x-wife has lived since our divorce 31 years ago, but I want her to continue to live in that shiat hole and I hope it's a long life.
2012-06-23 07:59:48 PM  
Why do the aliens need me to nuke an American city? Do they want a spaceship too?
Displayed 50 of 664 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | » | Newest | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.