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(Short List)   REVEALED: World's most dangerous vegetables. Silence Of The Yams, anyone?   ( shortlist.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, celebrity chef, universe, vegetables  
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9314 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2012 at 10:55 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-06-14 10:03:43 AM  
7 votes:
As dangerous as a carroted artery?
2012-06-14 10:08:03 AM  
4 votes:
Damn, I'm only trained to defend against fresh fruit.
2012-06-14 11:03:28 AM  
3 votes:

halfof33: what the swede is a "swede"?

a swede is a norse of course, unless that norse is something you turnip
2012-06-14 11:00:32 AM  
3 votes:
Swedes are vegetables? That's insulting.
2012-06-14 12:04:19 PM  
2 votes:
Who the hell skins a pumpkin? Doesn't matter. The pumpkin is a very marginal vegetable, bland, nasty and nearly worthless. They even sucked in Oblivion. Worst vegetable out there.

(Note that some people stuff pumpkins. With meat. These perverts are foreigners, they clearly don't embrace our values, and they'll likely end up terrorists given the chance. You watch the people buying pumpkins.)

That said, the world of vegetables is fraught with good and evil; love and loathing; hope, despair, and transfiguration. What to say in so little space?

What shall we say of the tomato, the young bride of vegetables, who promises so much and fades so soon? What of the treacherous onion. Who has not stood in suspense, knife in hand, wondering if she will yield her full store of richness, or if her many rings conceal the perfidy of mold and rot, forcing us to peel away the corruption with much toil or cast the whole lot into the waste bin, weeping? May we speak of the unspeakable slime of okra, insubstantial sham of vegetables whose false promise of nutriment recalls the barbarity of plantation labor and the false gifts of slavers? No, we may not. It is unspeakable.

Peas are the little suns among the vegetables, rare jewels of goodness untainted by sorrow or danger. The pea never betrays, but may be corrupted by the wicked vices of Man. You have only to shun the proud adulteration of canning and the negligent sloth of overcooking and you may trust to partake of her faithful purity.

Neglect not the humble cabbage! Our cabbage is a paragon of American virtue, Jimmy Stewart among vegetables, unassuming, yet steeped in quiet pride, wholesome, chaste, and of equal value regardless of color or national origin. When every leaf and tuber; every seed and stalk; every fruit and flower in your pantry fails you, your cabbage will stand stand tall and unflinching beside you, star of justice on his breast until right prevails.

I could go on, but this talk fills me with purpose. The wide pantry door beckons! Courage Farkers!
2012-06-14 11:27:06 AM  
2 votes:
Hannibal Lecter: Then something woke you, didn't it? Was it a dream? What was it?
Clarice Starling: I heard a strange noise.
Hannibal Lecter: What was it?
Clarice Starling: It was... hissing. Some kind of hissing, almost a sharp whistle.
Hannibal Lecter: What did you do?
Clarice Starling: I went downstairs. I crept into the kitchen. I was so scared to look, but I had to.
Hannibal Lecter: And what did you see, Clarice? What did you see?
Clarice Starling: A covered boiling pot of yams on the stove. Steam was hissing out. It was like the yams were screaming.
Hannibal Lecter: They were boiling yams for Thanksgiving?
Clarice Starling: And they were screaming.
Hannibal Lecter: And you ran away?
Clarice Starling: No. First I tried to free them. I... I took the lid off the pan, but they wouldn't hop out. They just sat there, boiling. They wouldn't run.
Hannibal Lecter: But you could and you did, didn't you?
Clarice Starling: Yes. I took one yam, and I ran away as fast as I could.
Hannibal Lecter: Where were you going, Clarice?
Clarice Starling: I don't know. I didn't have any food, well, other than yam of course, and it was so very hot, boiling hot. I thought, I thought if I could save just one, but... it was wet and starchy and starting to fall apart. I didn't get more than a few miles when the sheriff's car picked me up. My mom was so angry she sent me to live at the Lutheran orphanage in Bozeman. I never ate Thanksgiving dinner again.
Hannibal Lecter: What became of your yam, Clarice?
Clarice Starling: They mashed it up with some brown sugar, butter, and bourbon.
Hannibal Lecter: You still wake up sometimes, don't you? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the yams.
Clarice Starling: Yes.
Hannibal Lecter: And you think if you save poor Catherine, you could make them stop, don't you? You think if Catherine lives, you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the yams.
Clarice Starling: I don't know. I don't know.
2012-06-14 11:00:43 AM  
2 votes:
"The Telegraph reports that almost a quarter of those surveyed said pumpkins were the toughest vegetable to skin and chop while a fifth said swedes were the most dangerous."

i.imgur.comView Full Size

They don't look that tough.
2012-06-14 11:41:47 AM  
1 vote:
i46.tinypic.comView Full Size
2012-06-14 11:32:27 AM  
1 vote:
images.huffingtonpost.comView Full Size
2012-06-14 11:22:40 AM  
1 vote:
cogito ergo dulcis solanum tuberosum...

I think therefor I yam....
2012-06-14 11:22:04 AM  
1 vote:

halfof33: what the swede is a "swede"?

It's a vegetable. I believe you call it a rutabaga.

Just as you call rocket "arugula" and courgettes "zucchini"

and a slapper a "tramp", a tramp a "bum", a bum a "fanny" and a fanny a "pussy."
2012-06-14 11:17:06 AM  
1 vote:
Fark, I am disappoint

images.bcdb.comView Full Size

2012-06-14 11:10:21 AM  
1 vote:
theness.comView Full Size

Not dangerous.
2012-06-14 11:08:39 AM  
1 vote:
showtickets.comView Full Size

This terrifies me every time.
2012-06-14 11:06:23 AM  
1 vote:
It rubs the butter on its skin...
2012-06-14 11:05:15 AM  
1 vote:
The Texas Chainsaw Brassica?
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