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(Short List)   REVEALED: World's most dangerous vegetables. Silence Of The Yams, anyone?   ( shortlist.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, celebrity chef, universe, vegetables  
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9313 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jun 2012 at 10:55 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-06-14 11:49:33 AM  
FTFA: Oddly two in five participants said they had injured themselves trying to imitate TV chefs while chopping veg. We've all done it.

I haven't. Although, I'm sure many people have.

This article reminds me of why it scares me when my kids want to help cook. They always want to help chop stuff... I let them do it, of course (how else are they going to learn?). But I supervise very closely. And spend the entire time terrified one of them is going to chop themselves bad!
2012-06-14 11:57:12 AM  

vudukungfu: If you have children that cannot chop veggies,
You fail.

I had a roommate in college that I asked for help with cooking dinner. Her task was getting the husk off corn, mine was preparing puerco pibil. After about 5 minutes she comes up to ask me HOW to get the husk off the corn. I felt bad because I'm sure the look on ny face was utter confusion at her question.

/iknow...Csb bro.
2012-06-14 11:59:26 AM  
It's just fine until they start to mutate....
i49.tinypic.comView Full Size
2012-06-14 12:04:19 PM  
Who the hell skins a pumpkin? Doesn't matter. The pumpkin is a very marginal vegetable, bland, nasty and nearly worthless. They even sucked in Oblivion. Worst vegetable out there.

(Note that some people stuff pumpkins. With meat. These perverts are foreigners, they clearly don't embrace our values, and they'll likely end up terrorists given the chance. You watch the people buying pumpkins.)

That said, the world of vegetables is fraught with good and evil; love and loathing; hope, despair, and transfiguration. What to say in so little space?

What shall we say of the tomato, the young bride of vegetables, who promises so much and fades so soon? What of the treacherous onion. Who has not stood in suspense, knife in hand, wondering if she will yield her full store of richness, or if her many rings conceal the perfidy of mold and rot, forcing us to peel away the corruption with much toil or cast the whole lot into the waste bin, weeping? May we speak of the unspeakable slime of okra, insubstantial sham of vegetables whose false promise of nutriment recalls the barbarity of plantation labor and the false gifts of slavers? No, we may not. It is unspeakable.

Peas are the little suns among the vegetables, rare jewels of goodness untainted by sorrow or danger. The pea never betrays, but may be corrupted by the wicked vices of Man. You have only to shun the proud adulteration of canning and the negligent sloth of overcooking and you may trust to partake of her faithful purity.

Neglect not the humble cabbage! Our cabbage is a paragon of American virtue, Jimmy Stewart among vegetables, unassuming, yet steeped in quiet pride, wholesome, chaste, and of equal value regardless of color or national origin. When every leaf and tuber; every seed and stalk; every fruit and flower in your pantry fails you, your cabbage will stand stand tall and unflinching beside you, star of justice on his breast until right prevails.

I could go on, but this talk fills me with purpose. The wide pantry door beckons! Courage Farkers!
2012-06-14 12:26:44 PM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: Hannibal Lecter: Then something woke you, didn't it? Was it a dream? What was it?
Clarice Starling: I heard a strange noise.
Hannibal Lecter: What was it?
Clarice Starling: It was... hissing. Some kind of hissing, almost a sharp whistle.
Hannibal Lecter: What did you do?
Clarice Starling: I went downstairs. I crept into the kitchen. I was so scared to look, but I had to.
Hannibal Lecter: And what did you see, Clarice? What did you see?
Clarice Starling: A covered boiling pot of yams on the stove. Steam was hissing out. It was like the yams were screaming.
Hannibal Lecter: They were boiling yams for Thanksgiving?
Clarice Starling: And they were screaming.
Hannibal Lecter: And you ran away?
Clarice Starling: No. First I tried to free them. I... I took the lid off the pan, but they wouldn't hop out. They just sat there, boiling. They wouldn't run.
Hannibal Lecter: But you could and you did, didn't you?
Clarice Starling: Yes. I took one yam, and I ran away as fast as I could.
Hannibal Lecter: Where were you going, Clarice?
Clarice Starling: I don't know. I didn't have any food, well, other than yam of course, and it was so very hot, boiling hot. I thought, I thought if I could save just one, but... it was wet and starchy and starting to fall apart. I didn't get more than a few miles when the sheriff's car picked me up. My mom was so angry she sent me to live at the Lutheran orphanage in Bozeman. I never ate Thanksgiving dinner again.
Hannibal Lecter: What became of your yam, Clarice?
Clarice Starling: They mashed it up with some brown sugar, butter, and bourbon.
Hannibal Lecter: You still wake up sometimes, don't you? You wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the yams.
Clarice Starling: Yes.
Hannibal Lecter: And you think if you save poor Catherine, you could make them stop, don't you? You think if Catherine lives, you won't wake up in the dark ever again to that awful screaming of the yams.
Clarice Starling: I don't know. I don't know.

Jackpot style points!

Vegetables dream of responding to you.
2012-06-14 12:32:43 PM  

Gordon Bennett: Just as you call rocket "arugula" and courgettes "zucchini"

and a slapper a "tramp", a tramp a "bum", a bum a "fanny" and a fanny a "pussy."

At least we have a word for biscuits, mainly because we haven't misapplied it to cookies.
2012-06-14 12:34:40 PM  

mark12A: It's just fine until they start to mutate....
[i49.tinypic.com image 500x373]

What is that I dont even ...
2012-06-14 01:31:18 PM  
I'm going to stop eating vegetables until they stop being rude.
2012-06-14 01:54:03 PM  

ShannonKW: The pumpkin is a very marginal vegetable, bland, nasty and nearly worthless.

Clearly you have never had Afghani pumpkin:

i2.photobucket.comView Full Size

2012-06-14 02:02:12 PM  

ciberido: At least we have a word for biscuits, mainly because we haven't misapplied it to cookies.

Two different things. Biscuits have a uniform shape and will often have lettering or an image stamped in them. Biscuits go soft when they get stale. Cookies all have unique shapes to them and go hard when they go stale.

Now you can stop confusing the two. What you call biscuits are in fact a variety of scone.
2012-06-14 02:58:05 PM  
i.ytimg.comView Full Size

//too obscure?
2012-06-14 03:16:37 PM  

Gordon Bennett: What you call biscuits are in fact a variety of scone.

Only somebody who has either never eaten a biscuit (the real thing, not what Brits call "biscuits") or never eaten a scone could possibly confuse the two.

But go on. Embarrass yourself further.

Of course, you could also come to the USA and enjoy a biscuit for the first time in your life. They're quite tasty.
2012-06-14 03:23:21 PM  
Crappy website steals and summarizes, then links to, a crappy article from a crappy newspaper.

What giant load of.... of something fecal.
2012-06-14 03:59:50 PM  

Jim.Casy: I knew this had to be a British article. Americans don't eat vegetables. Unless you count ketchup.

I'm trained as a botanist and know that ketchup is a fruit. The Supreme Court doesn't agree but they were as wrong about that as they were about Citizens United v. FEC.
2012-06-14 06:35:20 PM  
I've injured myself slicing semi-frozen ham, but never yam...or swedes or pumpkin but then I dont try to emulate any television chef while chopping a VERY HARD vegetable either! Swedes and sweet potato and pumpkin are farking HARD people! You can't just slice away at them like that...OK. Semi-frozen ham is hard too. I only needed like 6 stitches though.
2012-06-14 11:50:01 PM  
Keep your knives sharp and you probably won't cut yourself.. and if you do it will be a small cut, not a deep gash. Sharp means you can shave off your arm hair - anything less is unsatisfactory. It isn't that hard to keep knives sharp, and it is well worth the effort!
2012-06-15 08:50:28 AM  
Came for the Monty Python reference. Leaving happy.
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