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(Yahoo)   "Too hairy" is listed in the Top 10 Reasons for not continuing to see someone. Have you ever stopped dating someone for a silly reason?   ( shine.yahoo.com) divider line
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10516 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 May 2012 at 11:41 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



708 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-05-30 11:30:04 AM  
They were too Paranoid.
 
2012-05-30 11:30:06 AM  
Is "Because she wouldn't STFU for 2 gotdamn seconds out of a 72 hour vacation" a silly reason?
 
2012-05-30 11:30:34 AM  
Stinky vagoo and bad teeth
 
2012-05-30 11:30:56 AM  

doglover: They were too Paranoid.


Why do you always have to take pot-shots at me like that?
 
2012-05-30 11:31:16 AM  
Shave yo nipples
 
2012-05-30 11:31:22 AM  
Green?
 
2012-05-30 11:31:27 AM  
No, subby.

Everyone on TFD is totally and completely rational when it comes to dating and would never find some silly reason to end a potential relationship.
 
2012-05-30 11:31:27 AM  
What constitutes "Too hairy" these days? A 5 o'clock pube shadow?

/silly pre-pubesence-obsessed youth
 
2012-05-30 11:31:54 AM  
Yeah, she was sleeping with other guys besides me. Silly, I know.
 
2012-05-30 11:31:58 AM  
Also, if she's really too hairy, that doesn't seem like a bad reason to break up with her.

/I vote for "Because she's crazy, and I never should have stuck my dick in her in the first place"
//Can't complain about getting a beautiful daughter, though
 
2012-05-30 11:32:03 AM  

gunsmack: Is "Because she wouldn't STFU for 2 gotdamn seconds out of a 72 hour vacation" a silly reason?


No, that's a "breaking up is nicer than murder" reason. Hottest girl I ever went on a date with would not shut up the entire time, like I literally was trying to spot gills because I couldn't get in a single word. I think I made the right choice by not calling again
 
2012-05-30 11:32:55 AM  
Kyro: "How was your weekend?"
Girlfriend: "Good! I went to an orgy."
Kyro: "...wait, what?"
 
2012-05-30 11:33:02 AM  
Not me, but I had a friend who broke up with a guy because he bushed his teeth in front of her.

I think those kinds of frivolous breakups stop with age and maturity.
 
2012-05-30 11:33:10 AM  
Good thing I didn't mention that I've been dumped because I'm too hairy. I'd be sooooo embarrassed now that the thread's gone green.
 
2012-05-30 11:33:15 AM  
Discovering he was a male escort didn't seem like a silly reason at the time.
 
2012-05-30 11:33:20 AM  

oldfarthenry: What constitutes "Too hairy" these days? A 5 o'clock pube shadow?

/silly pre-pubesence-obsessed youth


It's not a pedobear thing. If you went out to eat, took a bite of your steak and found a hair in your mouth, would you wanna eat there again?
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-05-30 11:33:45 AM  
She was racist.
 
2012-05-30 11:33:47 AM  
That laugh was annoying on a Nanny level......
 
2012-05-30 11:33:49 AM  
Verra, verra long time ago, and I was young and stupid and overly sensitive. Great guy. Really great guy.

But his nose whistled when he slept. Drove me stark raving.

Turned out to be a good thing, as the man I married is more awesome and a quiet sleeper.

The ex married (I shiat you not) someone who is hearing impaired.
 
2012-05-30 11:34:24 AM  
She kissed me so hard it hurt. I think she thought it was the proper way, but even after bringing it up, she kept doing it. I mean bruised lips hard. Never understood why. Nice girl.
 
2012-05-30 11:34:42 AM  

SushiJoe: Not me, but I had a friend who broke up with a guy because he bushed his teeth in front of her.

I think those kinds of frivolous breakups stop with age and maturity.


I don't know. If someone took pube leavings and stuck them in their mouth I think I'd dump them too.
 
2012-05-30 11:35:12 AM  
She had a parole officer.
 
2012-05-30 11:35:22 AM  
Dipping french fries in her Frosty.

/no, that's not a double entendre
 
2012-05-30 11:35:51 AM  
she stopped talking to me. is that a reason?
 
2012-05-30 11:36:10 AM  
It's usually because it stops being fun or they annoy me.
 
2012-05-30 11:36:26 AM  
Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.
 
2012-05-30 11:36:36 AM  

twobux: Dipping french fries in her Frosty.

/no, that's not a double entendre


Is now.
 
2012-05-30 11:36:37 AM  
But... hairy is hot...
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-05-30 11:36:50 AM  

gamergirl23: I don't know. If someone took pube leavings and stuck them in their mouth I think I'd dump them too.


It help strengthen enamel.
 
2012-05-30 11:37:14 AM  

LlamaGirl: But... hairy is hot...


How YOU doin'?
 
2012-05-30 11:37:18 AM  
Iv'e stopped for the following:

1) Had hair on her nipples and wouldnt let me pluck, shave or nibble it off

2) Halitosis

3) Back pimples

4) the smell after sex.

5) little brother got more attention and affection than me (creeped me out mentally)
 
2012-05-30 11:37:32 AM  

basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.


Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".
 
2012-05-30 11:37:57 AM  
Reading that list, you women are shallow, thoughtless creatures hellbent on breaking a man's heart.

And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.
 
2012-05-30 11:39:20 AM  

Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".


The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche
 
2012-05-30 11:39:29 AM  

Paranoia-': doglover: They were too Paranoid.

Why do you always have to take pot-shots at me like that?


Are you Ozzy Osborne? No? SHUT UP.
 
2012-05-30 11:39:45 AM  
During my dating life I've never once had a big melodramatic breakup scene. Always either I or the other just stop calling/coming around. That's how I know it's done. When a week passes with no contact.
 
2012-05-30 11:40:02 AM  

BusketsMcBride: 2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%


I'm a dude and I have had that be a reason but not THE reason. You want to be a veggie-nazi, cool. But dont f'ing tell me the goddamned life story of a chicken in the middle of my sandwich.

Vapid Coont.
 
2012-05-30 11:40:03 AM  

Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".


When the best way to describe the smelly of stinky vagoo is to equate it to a dead animal crawled up inside of your ham wallet and died then it's time to go.
 
2012-05-30 11:40:24 AM  
I didn't like her new boyfriend...
 
2012-05-30 11:40:33 AM  
Not hairy enough. The shuffling noises of our leg hair rubbing together always puts me to sleep.
 
2012-05-30 11:40:39 AM  
I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.
 
2012-05-30 11:40:41 AM  

basemetal: Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".

The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche


Jesu cristo, what kind of girl has a cooch so stinky you heave? And why are you taking this kind of girl home with you?
 
2012-05-30 11:40:43 AM  

BusketsMcBride: Reading that list, you women are shallow, thoughtless creatures hellbent on breaking a man's heart.

And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.


Crazy exists in both men and women.
 
2012-05-30 11:41:31 AM  

iamrex: basemetal: Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".

The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche

Jesu cristo, what kind of girl has a cooch so stinky you heave? And why are you taking this kind of girl home with you?


Rex.. you never know until its too late.

Then when its too late... you GTFO as awkwardly as possible without making someone cry.
 
2012-05-30 11:41:32 AM  

basemetal: Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".

The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche


Hey basemetal, this girl I am kinda dating. Halitosis. She is going to the dentist next week, but how in the world do you deal with it dude?
 
2012-05-30 11:42:14 AM  
Wax that shiat, woman.
 
2012-05-30 11:42:28 AM  
Breaking up with a dude because he was perpetually verbally abusive to me in front of friends and possessive and crazy was totally a stupid reason.

I should call him.
 
2012-05-30 11:42:43 AM  

doglover: Paranoia-': doglover: They were too Paranoid.

Why do you always have to take pot-shots at me like that?

Are you Ozzy Osborne? No? SHUT UP.


I just want to be your friend! :(
 
2012-05-30 11:42:54 AM  

Adjective Bird Whiskey: Not hairy enough. The shuffling noises of our leg hair rubbing together always puts me to sleep.


Sometimes hairy legs will act like velco and get stuck together...
 
2012-05-30 11:43:29 AM  
I don't have any of those, but I can tell you of the worst date in the world.
 
2012-05-30 11:43:29 AM  

iamrex: basemetal: Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".

The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche

Jesu cristo, what kind of girl has a cooch so stinky you heave? And why are you taking this kind of girl home with you?


I dated a girl once that was damned hot, but I couldn't get it washed off my hand for two days. TWO DAYS!

/yeah, after the sniff test, I didn't try to take it further
 
2012-05-30 11:44:05 AM  
dragon breath
 
2012-05-30 11:44:13 AM  

AtticusFinchEsq: Wax that shiat, woman.


Waxing is expensive and I don't like having some person all up in my junk. I keep it neat, not perpetually childlike.
 
2012-05-30 11:44:37 AM  
There are no silly reasons to break up. If you are put off of someone because of a little thing that you find offputting, this is your subconscious telling you that this is not the one for you. Listen to it, or be miserable later.
 
2012-05-30 11:44:57 AM  
1 for breathing too loudly
1 for a teeny weenie that would never please any girl
1 because his laugh annoyed me
1 because his penis was actually too big and I could never enjoy the sex


Think that's the only ones I had minor reasons for not seeing again. I never got super close to any of them though. Well, the last one I got a little close to but we're still friends.
 
2012-05-30 11:45:25 AM  
Seriously though, no ass to mouth? Tell your story walking, b*tch.
 
2012-05-30 11:45:28 AM  
She smelled like soup
 
2012-05-30 11:45:48 AM  

BusketsMcBride: And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.


That bumper sticker is right. Vegetarians taste better.
 
2012-05-30 11:46:24 AM  

basemetal: I dated a girl once that was damned hot, but I couldn't get it washed off my hand for two days. TWO DAYS!

/yeah, after the sniff test, I didn't try to take it further


yyyyyyuuuuuuuuuucccckk. I've been a female all my life and I can tell you that I know when my - ahem - is a little funky. You know what I do? I bathe. It's not rocket science.
 
2012-05-30 11:47:24 AM  

TrancePI: basemetal: Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".

The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche

Hey basemetal, this girl I am kinda dating. Halitosis. She is going to the dentist next week, but how in the world do you deal with it dude?


After a cleaning, and after brushing the tongue (if you aren't gagging, you aren't going far enough back) regularly, or really good oral hygiene recommendations are not working, it's time to look at acid reflux, or sinus troubles, or some other source.

/make her drink Listerine enough to get drunk before you fark her?
 
2012-05-30 11:47:47 AM  
5 You don't earn enough money for the lifestyle I want to have

Then how about you make more money you shallow coont.
 
2012-05-30 11:47:49 AM  
Restraining order.
 
2012-05-30 11:48:06 AM  

LlamaGirl: But... hairy is hot...


In the right places, yes.
Nipples, no.
Sorry.
 
2012-05-30 11:48:06 AM  
She left me a message in her backwoods twang that said " Hey, Urapnis. Just wondering what you was up to."
Never talked to her again.
 
bow
2012-05-30 11:48:10 AM  
I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2012-05-30 11:48:16 AM  
TEAM HAIRY CHEST
 
2012-05-30 11:48:54 AM  
A guy showed up for our first date wearing skinny jeans.

/it was also our last date
 
2012-05-30 11:49:30 AM  

gunsmack: oldfarthenry: What constitutes "Too hairy" these days? A 5 o'clock pube shadow?

/silly pre-pubesence-obsessed youth

It's not a pedobear thing. If you went out to eat, took a bite of your steak and found a hair in your mouth, would you wanna eat there again?


Put another way, if you want me to find the source of the Nile, I'd rather not have to spend most of my expedition navigating around the foliage instead of hacking it down.
 
2012-05-30 11:49:34 AM  

bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.


Are you sure you didn't dump her because she had a vagina?
 
2012-05-30 11:49:38 AM  

bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.


Don't lie. You broke up with her because she's a girl.
 
2012-05-30 11:49:39 AM  

twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.


Is she still available?
 
2012-05-30 11:49:57 AM  
She seemed normal, then about a week into the relationship she started hitting me up with feminist propaganda.
I was out of there faster than you could say "false rape accusation".
 
2012-05-30 11:50:14 AM  
dammit, 4 seconds!
 
2012-05-30 11:50:14 AM  

honeygrl: 1 for breathing too loudly
1 for a teeny weenie that would never please any girl
1 because his laugh annoyed me
1 because his penis was actually too big and I could never enjoy the sex


Think that's the only ones I had minor reasons for not seeing again. I never got super close to any of them though. Well, the last one I got a little close to but we're still friends.



nicolehumphrey.netView Full Size


This Penis is toooo small.

This penis is tooo big.

This penis is just right.
 
2012-05-30 11:50:22 AM  
Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.
 
2012-05-30 11:50:27 AM  

buntz: She smelled like soup


Hi buntz!
 
2012-05-30 11:50:50 AM  
She beat me with an oar.

/And that's how I explain my PTSD in six words.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:05 AM  

Raug the Dwarf: This Penis is toooo small.

This penis is tooo big.

This penis is just right.


hahaha ONE DAY I'LL FIND THE PERFECT PENIS!
 
2012-05-30 11:51:05 AM  
War crimes.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:06 AM  

honeygrl: bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Are you sure you didn't dump her because she had a vagina?


Some of us without attachment issues don't feel the need to constantly hang on someone else in public.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:32 AM  

TrancePI: Iv'e stopped for the following:

1) Had hair on her nipples and wouldnt let me pluck, shave or nibble it off

2) Halitosis

3) Back pimples

4) the smell after sex.

5) little brother got more attention and affection than me (creeped me out mentally)


how old were you that her brother was hanging around? 16?
 
2012-05-30 11:51:38 AM  

gunsmack: If you went out to eat, took a bite of your steak and found a hair in your mouth, would you wanna eat there again?


If the steak was a vagina and the hair was a pubic hair from the same woman then yes I'd eat there again.

Surprise: pussy was already incredible before the whole "Brazilian" thing took off. Not to say that a woman that shaves/waxes her pubes would get rebuked by me but I've never had a problem with women having pubic hair.

twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.


That's pretty reasonable. She'd be frustrated by your expensive tastes, and you'd be frustrated by her simple ones. No need to start a relationship with someone with whom you already have major differences.

Of course, Golden Corral girl sounds like the type that won't f*ck your credit up, so there is that.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:41 AM  
Having to explain that the computer -- without exception -- is always doing exactly what you told it to do. That it isn't doing what you want, that you have no idea how to tell it to do what you want, or even know what you want, are separate issues.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:45 AM  
Im married now but sooo ready to divorce my wife due to her constant scraping of her fork on her teeth when she eats. Wtf!? Why can't you get that shiat under control? No matter how many times I point it out, that farking fork just can't miss those chicklets..it's all I hear when we eat and it's gotten to the point where sometimes I just make up an excuse and leave.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:50 AM  

honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.


So did you actively count how many times he said it or did you have one of those clicker-things they use at amusement parks to count people entering?
 
Skr
2012-05-30 11:51:53 AM  
Broke up with someone once for being invisible. Obviously I couldn't see them anymore.
 
2012-05-30 11:51:55 AM  

PrivateCaboose: AtticusFinchEsq: Wax that shiat, woman.

Waxing is expensive and I don't like having some person all up in my junk. I keep it neat, not perpetually childlike.


You have the correct username, apparently.
 
2012-05-30 11:52:08 AM  
Because during sexy time she made noises that sounded like a fat man taking a taco bell shiat.
 
2012-05-30 11:52:22 AM  

buntz: She smelled like soup


BUNTZ!!
 
2012-05-30 11:52:33 AM  
when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.
 
2012-05-30 11:52:46 AM  

basemetal: After a cleaning, and after brushing the tongue (if you aren't gagging, you aren't going far enough back) regularly, or really good oral hygiene recommendations are not working, it's time to look at acid reflux, or sinus troubles, or some other source.

/make her drink Listerine enough to get drunk before you fark her?


Eh, I am the one that drank a shiat-ton of Mojitos and Tequila to get over it. Luckily, at the same time it caused me to inform her its a f*cking problem that needs to be fixed, and she made the appt today.

/hooray drunken honesty!

Lastly, why arent any of you females telling us whats up with the stinhky vag's in this thread? We need to know.
 
2012-05-30 11:52:46 AM  

honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.


I would like to cover your titties with jizzum with my average cock while I laugh like the Joker. Would we be a good match?

titties.
 
2012-05-30 11:52:48 AM  

Ponzholio: honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.

So did you actively count how many times he said it or did you have one of those clicker-things they use at amusement parks to count people entering?


There's an app for that.
 
2012-05-30 11:53:10 AM  

lennavan: honeygrl: bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Are you sure you didn't dump her because she had a vagina?

Some of us without attachment issues don't feel the need to constantly hang on someone else in public.


If you'll check out hotboys profile, you'll see why I made that comment.
 
2012-05-30 11:53:29 AM  
I got tired of sleeping with her.
 
2012-05-30 11:53:34 AM  
3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size

farm6.staticflickr.comView Full Size

swimclub.co.ukView Full Size

farm6.static.flickr.comView Full Size

farm6.static.flickr.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 11:53:35 AM  
Damn. Blocked by Websense!
 
2012-05-30 11:54:03 AM  

Ponzholio: honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.

So did you actively count how many times he said it or did you have one of those clicker-things they use at amusement parks to count people entering?


I guesstimated. Seriuosly.. he said it in nearly every other sentence and never shut up.
 
2012-05-30 11:54:23 AM  

twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.


So? Not everyone needs to go to an overpriced, snobby restaurant to eat. I would have though that was cool.
 
2012-05-30 11:54:29 AM  

twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.


You're kidding right? Low maintenance girl that wants you to save you a few bucks, and likely realizes it's more important to spend her birthday with someone she cares about rather than put a dent in your bank account?

Pass her this way please.
 
2012-05-30 11:54:37 AM  

octopied:
5) little brother got more attention and affection than me (creeped me out mentally)

how old were you that her brother was hanging around? 16?


I was 28, she was 22, brother was going on 13.
 
2012-05-30 11:54:44 AM  
publikenemy

Im married now but sooo ready to divorce my wife due to her constant scraping of her fork on her teeth when she eats. Wtf!? Why can't you get that shiat under control? No matter how many times I point it out, that farking fork just can't miss those chicklets..it's all I hear when we eat and it's gotten to the point where sometimes I just make up an excuse and leave.


sounds like you two have come

*puts on sunglasses*

to a fork in the road.

YEEEAAAH
 
2012-05-30 11:54:46 AM  
I've been in a few break ups they never gave a reason but the judge said I had to stay 500 ft from them.
 
2012-05-30 11:54:47 AM  

BusketsMcBride: honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.

I would like to cover your titties with jizzum with my average cock while I laugh like the Joker. Would we be a good match?

titties.


I hate that word so so much. It sounds so trashy.
 
2012-05-30 11:55:02 AM  
"Too hairy"?
It was bad enough that her pubes were braided but the bells was over the top.
 
2012-05-30 11:55:46 AM  

TrancePI: basemetal: After a cleaning, and after brushing the tongue (if you aren't gagging, you aren't going far enough back) regularly, or really good oral hygiene recommendations are not working, it's time to look at acid reflux, or sinus troubles, or some other source.

/make her drink Listerine enough to get drunk before you fark her?

Eh, I am the one that drank a shiat-ton of Mojitos and Tequila to get over it. Luckily, at the same time it caused me to inform her its a f*cking problem that needs to be fixed, and she made the appt today.

/hooray drunken honesty!

Lastly, why arent any of you females telling us whats up with the stinhky vag's in this thread? We need to know.


The only time I had a problem with it I was pregnant. My husband was in another country so it wasn't a huge issue. The docs said there wasn't anything to do about it anyway.

Sounds like they need to hit the gyno and figure out what the problem is. An odiferous vag is not a happy vag.
 
2012-05-30 11:55:55 AM  
Both were one date and done:

One guy because his hands were softer than mine.

And another because he ended up being homeless. Not sleeping on a friend's couch homeless; walking the streets at 6:00am with a 40 oz in a paper bag pushing a shopping cart homeless (swear it's a true story, saw him the morning after the date on my way to work).
 
2012-05-30 11:55:58 AM  

TrancePI: Lastly, why arent any of you females telling us whats up with the stinhky vag's in this thread? We need to know.


All you really need to know is, don't stick your dick in it.
 
2012-05-30 11:56:22 AM  
Another one expected me to choose between her and graduate school.

/M.S., 2000, UTSA
 
2012-05-30 11:57:02 AM  

TrancePI: octopied:
5) little brother got more attention and affection than me (creeped me out mentally)

how old were you that her brother was hanging around? 16?

I was 28, she was 22, brother was going on 13.


Is she a teacher?
 
2012-05-30 11:57:26 AM  

atlfarkette: Hi buntz!


MissFeasance: BUNTZ!!


Yup, these are the two I was referring to.

Cream of Barley and Jambalaya, respectively

/hey guys
 
2012-05-30 11:57:40 AM  
No, I've always been honest enough to admit that the chemistry's just not there.
 
2012-05-30 11:57:53 AM  

taxandspend: /wouldn't stop farking talking about it


You two are made for each other.
 
2012-05-30 11:57:58 AM  

TrancePI: basemetal: Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".

The sniff test can still be hazardous to your health.

/and psyche

Hey basemetal, this girl I am kinda dating. Halitosis. She is going to the dentist next week, but how in the world do you deal with it dude?


MIght not be a dental issue. Halitosis can have other causes.
 
2012-05-30 11:58:34 AM  

gunsmack: Is "Because she wouldn't STFU for 2 gotdamn seconds out of a 72 hour vacation" a silly reason?


I managed to train my wife out of that for the most part. I just stay the hell away if she gets around other women though... nothing can stop the yammering in that situation.
 
2012-05-30 11:58:45 AM  
My wife's gyno told her to dump me when we first started dating because I was causing some damage down there during coitus. Luckily she did not. Yes I do have that printed on a business card.
 
2012-05-30 11:58:54 AM  
She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?
 
2012-05-30 11:59:04 AM  
One guy told me that my daughter should spend more time with her father so he could see what it was like to always have a kid around. Hmm, see ya.
 
2012-05-30 11:59:08 AM  
It may not seem like that big a deal....unless you live in downtown Detroit....

Me "I was thinking of making lasagna for dinner"
Him "Sounds great. I'm going to run over to the store to get cigs, be right back"
(fyi - we didn't have a car at the time)

SIX HOURS LATER he comes back and cannot figure out why I am so pissed off!

I don't miss him AT ALL!
 
2012-05-30 11:59:12 AM  
Paranoia-':

Also, if she's really too hairy, that doesn't seem like a bad reason to break up with her.

/I vote for "Because she's crazy, and I never should have stuck my dick in her in the first place"
//Can't complain about getting a beautiful daughter, though


Is that your daughter's only good quality or the only thing you use her for? How old is she, anyway?
 
2012-05-30 11:59:21 AM  
Do Until Crazy + Alcoholism > 3 x Hot
 
2012-05-30 12:00:24 PM  
"You're the best boyfriend I've ever had, and I know it's not your fault, but bad stuff keeps happening to you and I'm too young to have to visit a boyfriend in the hospital."

"I've got feelings for my step-brother and it's just not fair to either of you."

"I just can't stand your family"

"My parents said they'd disown me if I continued to date someone who wasn't white"

"He's got 10 inches."

/FML
 
2012-05-30 12:00:26 PM  
#1 reason: sharp knees
 
2012-05-30 12:00:29 PM  

RangerTaylor: She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?


No, but it's insane that it took 8 months.
 
2012-05-30 12:01:36 PM  
Restraining order is too restrictive.
 
2012-05-30 12:02:01 PM  

TrancePI: Lastly, why arent any of you females telling us whats up with the stinhky vag's in this thread? We need to know.


I've heard some plausible explanations on the matter:
1. Raised by a single father and never really taught how to tend to the area
2. Raised in a sexually-repressed family that never taught her how to tend to the area
3. Got a yeast infection; they can come on quickly

Less-sexually-experienced women seem less attuned, in my experience, to the normal smell vice the "soakin' time" smell. All in all, vaginas seem to require an exhausting amount of minding and maintenance; I can't believe that women voluntarily add to their workload with the whole shaving/waxing thing.
 
2012-05-30 12:02:07 PM  
We were at a dance club with a group of friends. He was with his buddies at the bar while I was dancing with all the girlfriends. No funny business, nothing risque, just fun dancing.

He called me over, leaned in to give me a kiss and stabbed my lip with the toothpick he had hidden in his mouth. As I'm grasping my bleeding lip/gum, he whispers, "That's for dancing like a whore so that my friends would watch you."

I broke his nose, he got kicked out and I went back to dancing. :-)
 
2012-05-30 12:02:31 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: RangerTaylor: She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?

No, but it's insane that it took 8 months.


Did I mention lots and lots of sex? I mean missionary is boring, but I was willing to play along for a while. Oh, and she really enjoyed giving head.
 
2012-05-30 12:02:58 PM  
A piercing down there and from the look of her I would have never thought she had one, but once I saw it I literally got up and put my clothes on. I took her home and never saw her again.
 
2012-05-30 12:03:46 PM  
His favorite band was Skinny Puppy, he was a frat boy, and the first and only time we had sex he prematurely ejaculated and that was it for that guy.
 
2012-05-30 12:03:52 PM  

blueyd1: We were at a dance club with a group of friends. He was with his buddies at the bar while I was dancing with all the girlfriends. No funny business, nothing risque, just fun dancing.

He called me over, leaned in to give me a kiss and stabbed my lip with the toothpick he had hidden in his mouth. As I'm grasping my bleeding lip/gum, he whispers, "That's for dancing like a whore so that my friends would watch you."

I broke his nose, he got kicked out and I went back to dancing. :-)


Wow, he sounds like a real winner. Did he get back on the plane to Tehran and/or Pennsyltucky?
 
2012-05-30 12:03:56 PM  

RangerTaylor: SweetSilverBlues: RangerTaylor: She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?

No, but it's insane that it took 8 months.

Did I mention lots and lots of sex? I mean missionary is boring, but I was willing to play along for a while. Oh, and she really enjoyed giving head.


Hopefully you found someone not afraid of the funjuice.
 
2012-05-30 12:03:57 PM  

blueyd1: He called me over, leaned in to give me a kiss and stabbed my lip with the toothpick he had hidden in his mouth. As I'm grasping my bleeding lip/gum, he whispers, "That's for dancing like a whore so that my friends would watch you."


What. The. Fark?
 
2012-05-30 12:04:09 PM  
A coworker stopped dating "Mr. Wonderful" when he became "Mr. Penis-too-small".
 
2012-05-30 12:04:39 PM  
"Now that we're together I no longer have to watch what I eat"
 
2012-05-30 12:04:44 PM  

Pandora's Litterbox: During my dating life I've never once had a big melodramatic breakup scene. Always either I or the other just stop calling/coming around. That's how I know it's done. When a week passes with no contact.


I'm probably breaking up with my bf this weekend for this reason. Assuming I see him, that is.
 
2012-05-30 12:04:58 PM  
1. She started talking marriage after 1 date

2. She was too old. She was 26 I was 19 (OK she broke with me because I was too young-after dating for six months)

3. She was an in your face vegetarian. Don't mind vegetarians but don't preach while I am having a bacon sandwich.
 
2012-05-30 12:04:59 PM  

koniver: My wife's gyno told her to dump me when we first started dating because I was causing some damage down there during coitus. Luckily she did not. Yes I do have that printed on a business card.


Had that happen with the first girl I slept with. "There is supposed to be 'some' bleeding, you are not supposed to be ripped open"

Dumped a girl because she was a fake nympho. Kept saying she was addicted but only "needed" it to get out of situations she felt uncomfortable in. Don't want to meet at the bar where I'm hanging with a couple guys? Don't call and say you'd rather meet at your place because you "need it". Sex is great but so is a social life.
 
2012-05-30 12:06:07 PM  

gunsmack: Is "Because she wouldn't STFU for 2 gotdamn seconds out of a 72 hour vacation" a silly reason?


Relevant
 
2012-05-30 12:06:14 PM  
He made the crude suggestion of me being the serial killer after finding bodies in the basement of me. So I did the off breaking of him.
 
2012-05-30 12:07:26 PM  
twobux:

I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.


So did you go to the Golden Corral?

I really hate it when a chick expects me to spend a lot of money for her birthday, especially when all she gives me for mine is a "funny" Hallmark card.

She sounds like a gem.
 
2012-05-30 12:08:09 PM  
She kissed like she was trying to eat my face.
 
2012-05-30 12:08:48 PM  

honeygrl: lennavan: honeygrl: bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Are you sure you didn't dump her because she had a vagina?

Some of us without attachment issues don't feel the need to constantly hang on someone else in public.

If you'll check out hotboys profile, you'll see why I made that comment.


Sounds like too much work, I'll take your word for it.
 
2012-05-30 12:09:04 PM  
img.photobucket.comView Full Size


No... btw anyone want to buy a front fender?
 
2012-05-30 12:09:16 PM  
Luckily no.
 
2012-05-30 12:09:25 PM  
Date No 1. Nice dinner and a walk in the park

Date No 2. Some reasonably good sex at the end of the evening

Date No 3. A lot of talk from her about how many kids we'd have and what we'd name them

Date No 4. There was no Date No 4
 
2012-05-30 12:09:56 PM  

oldfarthenry: What constitutes "Too hairy" these days? A 5 o'clock pube shadow?


Why do you ask these questions? Here's an example.

NSFW, lets be careful out there.
 
2012-05-30 12:09:57 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: RangerTaylor: SweetSilverBlues: RangerTaylor: She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?

No, but it's insane that it took 8 months.

Did I mention lots and lots of sex? I mean missionary is boring, but I was willing to play along for a while. Oh, and she really enjoyed giving head.

Hopefully you found someone not afraid of the funjuice.


Well, I talked her into swallowing because it meant less chance of her getting pregnant. . . and it worked.
 
2012-05-30 12:10:49 PM  

factoryconnection: TrancePI: Lastly, why arent any of you females telling us whats up with the stinhky vag's in this thread? We need to know.

I've heard some plausible explanations on the matter:
1. Raised by a single father and never really taught how to tend to the area
2. Raised in a sexually-repressed family that never taught her how to tend to the area
3. Got a yeast infection; they can come on quickly

Less-sexually-experienced women seem less attuned, in my experience, to the normal smell vice the "soakin' time" smell. All in all, vaginas seem to require an exhausting amount of minding and maintenance; I can't believe that women voluntarily add to their workload with the whole shaving/waxing thing.


Huh? You lather up your pouf and well, lather up your pouf. That's about it.

I guess I've heard of women whose body chemistry reacts with their soap to create a smell. But for most women, you just need to scrub.
 
2012-05-30 12:10:58 PM  

RangerTaylor: SweetSilverBlues: RangerTaylor: SweetSilverBlues: RangerTaylor: She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?

No, but it's insane that it took 8 months.

Did I mention lots and lots of sex? I mean missionary is boring, but I was willing to play along for a while. Oh, and she really enjoyed giving head.

Hopefully you found someone not afraid of the funjuice.

Well, I talked her into swallowing because it meant less chance of her getting pregnant. . . and it worked.


I should not have laughed at that...but I did.
 
2012-05-30 12:11:41 PM  
jabulela.comView Full Size


imnotthatdrunk.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 12:12:24 PM  
Does militantly unfaithful and screwing some dude 27 years older than her while claiming to be faithful count as a Top 10?

/it's that ex
//the camwhore still claiming to be 18 when she's 28
///a real winner she was
 
2012-05-30 12:12:40 PM  
Never wanted to go anywhere coupled with insane jealously whenever I went anywhere.
 
2012-05-30 12:12:58 PM  

honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.


I'm currently seeing a girl who said tits about that many times on the third date. You can imagine the context, but there were a lot of other nastier words used on that date as well. She's away on vacation currently and I'm trying to decide if there will be another date when she returns.

/nothing wrong with her, but it felt a little like a porn filming that night.
 
2012-05-30 12:13:30 PM  
Broke up with a girl because at least once every sentence she would cuss. I dont mind cussing but if you are going to use it like that in public it's not that classy no matter how you look. And she was loud about it too.

Another girl I broke up with after the 3rd date because we were at my place watching movies she gets up to go the bathroom, she walks in my spare bedroom and says "Hey I can fit all my kids in here." She had 3 kids at the time. When she came back from the bathroom she took off her shoes and the god awful stank that came off them almost killed me. And she wanted to cuddle.
 
2012-05-30 12:14:01 PM  

basemetal: That laugh was annoying on a Nanny level......


Not that I broke up with him, but I sat next to a very hot guy a while back who stopped being hot the second he laughed like the retarded friend in all the Adam Sandler movies.
 
2012-05-30 12:14:17 PM  

RangerTaylor: Well, I talked her into swallowing because it meant less chance of her getting pregnant. . . and it worked.


Just don't stab her in the stomach shortly after she swallows. TMYK

Link
 
2012-05-30 12:14:23 PM  
TrancePI:

Halitosis. She is going to the dentist next week, but how in the world do you deal with it dude?

I'd tell her about my gum infections that eventually cost me a few teeth (including two in front) and resulted in some fairly major surgeries, and how I could have avoided all that by brushing and flossing more. Quitting tobacco was good too.

There are other causes for bad breath but hygiene is more common than say esophageal cancer.
 
2012-05-30 12:15:12 PM  
I've cut off dating women for:
1. Bad breath (she became "bad breath girl" among my friends)
2. Pointy tongue (the kissing was alarming)
3. Being pushy and bossy, despite freaking amazing sex. Also, she was terrible with money/credit.
4. Not seeing any loving connection develop, despite being super sweet and fun in the sack.

I consider none of these to be silly. The first two are an affront to my sincere interest in kissing. The last two are anathema to long-term success.
 
2012-05-30 12:16:05 PM  
Stab me once, shame on you. Stab me twice, call the cops on me falsely and spread horrible rumors about me for six months, shame on me.
 
2012-05-30 12:16:27 PM  
A friend of mine broke up with a girl because she was inordinately proud of her ability to expel gas from various orifices. Loudly and in public.
 
2012-05-30 12:17:17 PM  

factoryconnection: All in all, vaginas seem to require an exhausting amount of minding and maintenance...


No. They really don't. Wash the outside daily with a mild soap and water and you should be fine. The inside is self cleaning. If even with a daily external washing there is an unpleasant odor, then there is likely a medical issue, and a trip to the GYN is required.
 
2012-05-30 12:17:28 PM  

wholedamnshow: twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.

You're kidding right? Low maintenance girl that wants you to save you a few bucks, and likely realizes it's more important to spend her birthday with someone she cares about rather than put a dent in your bank account?

Pass her this way please.


There's a time and place for nice meals. Golden Corral is never that place. Birthdays are usually that time. Or are you one of those guys that would be proposing in Red Lobster?
 
2012-05-30 12:18:25 PM  
I asked for swiss on my post-coital sandwich...

she brought me gouda.

I mean what's left after that?
 
2012-05-30 12:19:06 PM  

Jocundry: I guess I've heard of women whose body chemistry reacts with their soap to create a smell. But for most women, you just need to scrub.


Sometimes with a bottle brush.
 
2012-05-30 12:20:00 PM  

Jocundry: Huh? You lather up your pouf and well, lather up your pouf. That's about it.


Wash too little, you get smell and possibly a UTI. Wash too much, you get a yeast infection. Then there's that whole period thing, with the blood and worrying about toxic shock syndrome and leakage and chafing and whatnot. Pap smears, side effects from the pill, all sorts of things.

And that's not even getting into fertility problems, pregnancy changes, childbirth aftereffects... although my wife has never had any problems getting pregnant, the postpartum changes noticed have been terrific, and only with her first (a non-natural delivery) were there any bad after effects.
 
2012-05-30 12:21:47 PM  
After meeting this one girl who lived a good 15 city miles from where I lived, and thinking she was cool and we'd go out some more, she started leaving notes on my car the very second night while I was sleeping and almost every night after that. The notes were very sexual in nature and had it not been for how f*cking creepy it was, I may have been turned on by it. By the 4th night I called her and told her I was seeing someone else. The notes continued for another week and I was about to call the cops when it stopped.
Other than that all the other breakups I had were the normal routine shiat.
 
2012-05-30 12:21:55 PM  

walkerhound: honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.

I'm currently seeing a girl who said tits about that many times on the third date. You can imagine the context, but there were a lot of other nastier words used on that date as well. She's away on vacation currently and I'm trying to decide if there will be another date when she returns.

/nothing wrong with her, but it felt a little like a porn filming that night.


You should stuff something in her mouth so she can't talk.
 
2012-05-30 12:22:19 PM  
home schooled
 
2012-05-30 12:22:41 PM  
In my freshman year of college, this guy was driving me to a movie for our first date. For some reason he thought I stepped on his Jeff Buckley CD and he started to freak out. While he was feeling around frantically on the floor boards trying to find the CD, he crashed his car into the divider and then hit the car next to us.

Never went out with him again. No man should like Jeff Buckley THAT much.
 
2012-05-30 12:22:44 PM  

factoryconnection: I've cut off dating women for:
1. Bad breath (she became "bad breath girl" among my friends)
2. Pointy tongue (the kissing was alarming)
3. Being pushy and bossy, despite freaking amazing sex. Also, she was terrible with money/credit.
4. Not seeing any loving connection develop, despite being super sweet and fun in the sack.


You know, I don't want to tell you how to live your life or anything but I'm pretty sure men have those problems too.
 
2012-05-30 12:23:00 PM  

namegoeshere: factoryconnection: All in all, vaginas seem to require an exhausting amount of minding and maintenance...

No. They really don't. Wash the outside daily with a mild soap and water and you should be fine. The inside is self cleaning. If even with a daily external washing there is an unpleasant odor, then there is likely a medical issue, and a trip to the GYN is required.


Is there a self cleaning setting? Like an oven?
 
2012-05-30 12:23:22 PM  
Hairiness can be an issue. I'm pretty relaxed on body hair - I don't think a girl should have to shave all the time, especially in winter, though once it gets to a certain point, yeah. I'm not a hippy. I had a girlfriend a couple years ago who had BUSH. The most I've ever seen in person, and I came of age in the 80's. It's not like I'm unfamiliar with pubic hair. While it was refreshing that a woman in her 20's was bucking the trend of shaving it bare, that was too much. It was like she scalped Beeker, died it black, and stuck it in her pants. I talked her into letting me trim it for her, which took a lot of persuasion. But it had to be done. Again, I'm not all that particular about such things, but it was beyond a distraction.

Turns out she was using the pubes as some sort of security blanket and had major hang-ups sexually. The kind of girl who is easy and impossible at the same time. You know the type. Most likely was abused at some point. I tried to help her out, but she was too far gone and I'm just too old to take on projects like that.

I also stopped seeing a girl after just a couple days due to her having a smelly vagina. It wasn't a nice tangy odor - I can like that - it was something rotten that caused me to stop having sex with her mid-coitus. I faked an orgasm. I didn't know what caused it - maybe she'd been with too many guys in a short period of time and the bacteria made a sick stew (I think every smelly vagina I've ever encountered has been the property of someone who was getting around, which comes back to me for sleeping with them despite the evidence). For all I know, it was just a reaction to my own penis causing her bacterial vaginosis. Whatever. It was disgusting.
 
2012-05-30 12:24:17 PM  

honeygrl: You should stuff something in her mouth so she can't talk.


That just made things worse.

/Did I mention she's Mormon?
 
2012-05-30 12:24:49 PM  
A chick way back in high school started smoking crank. Thought she was lame for that. She thought I was lame for not. Broke up...then she had sex with a good friend of mine a couple weeks later. Nothing silly about that.
 
2012-05-30 12:24:57 PM  
She couldn't take the beatings
 
2012-05-30 12:25:12 PM  
I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!
 
2012-05-30 12:25:16 PM  

Strategeryz0r: I asked for swiss on my post-coital sandwich...

she brought me gouda.

I mean what's left after that?


WTF is wrong with gouda?
 
2012-05-30 12:25:49 PM  

lennavan: Strategeryz0r: I asked for swiss on my post-coital sandwich...

she brought me gouda.

I mean what's left after that?

WTF is wrong with gouda?


Nothing. I wanted Swiss...

biatch needs to listen more :P. How do you get gouda from swiss??
 
2012-05-30 12:26:00 PM  

lennavan: Strategeryz0r: I asked for swiss on my post-coital sandwich...

she brought me gouda.

I mean what's left after that?

WTF is wrong with gouda?


It could have easily been cottage.
 
2012-05-30 12:26:24 PM  

MaliFinn: She kissed like she was trying to eat my face.


That's when you push her dead down....
 
2012-05-30 12:26:28 PM  

walkerhound: honeygrl: You should stuff something in her mouth so she can't talk.

That just made things worse.

/Did I mention she's Mormon?


Oh.. I also ditched the idea of a second date once simply because the guy was mormon. Mormons are insane.
 
2012-05-30 12:26:41 PM  

Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!


You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.
 
2012-05-30 12:26:53 PM  

bim1154: lennavan: Strategeryz0r: I asked for swiss on my post-coital sandwich...

she brought me gouda.

I mean what's left after that?

WTF is wrong with gouda?

It could have easily been cottage.


I saw her a couple weeks ago. Her thighs have enough of that for the 2 of us.
 
2012-05-30 12:27:16 PM  

JackieRabbit: MaliFinn: She kissed like she was trying to eat my face.

That's when you push her dead down....


Yeek. Scary freudian slip!
 
2012-05-30 12:27:51 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.


Did somebody say incredibly shallow?
 
2012-05-30 12:28:48 PM  

URAPNIS: namegoeshere: factoryconnection: All in all, vaginas seem to require an exhausting amount of minding and maintenance...

No. They really don't. Wash the outside daily with a mild soap and water and you should be fine. The inside is self cleaning. If even with a daily external washing there is an unpleasant odor, then there is likely a medical issue, and a trip to the GYN is required.

Is there a self cleaning setting? Like an oven?


Yes. It locks shut, gets really, really hot up there for about four hours, and then you're good to go.
 
2012-05-30 12:29:11 PM  

lennavan: You know, I don't want to tell you how to live your life or anything but I'm pretty sure men have those problems too.


Cute. I don't know why I even tried to form a clear statement and blunt the humor.

Stupid Guitar: I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.


At least you're honest with yourself, though that was needlessly cruel if the girl was from near-NYC parts of CT or Long Island.
 
2012-05-30 12:29:17 PM  

JackieRabbit: MaliFinn: She kissed like she was trying to eat my face.

That's when you push her dead down....


No, eat. As in with teeth.
 
2012-05-30 12:29:27 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.


Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.
 
2012-05-30 12:29:32 PM  
I know a dude that stopped seeing a chick because she would only eat salad when they went out.
They went away for a weekend. At the hotel, she set the alarm clock AND requested a wake up call.
That was the end of it.
 
2012-05-30 12:30:01 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.

Did somebody say incredibly shallow?


You be quiet, gouda boy.
 
2012-05-30 12:32:36 PM  

ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.


Er, no too much and you start to lose some sensation. Try slopping on all sorts of lube next time you have sex and compare it to a reasonable amount and/or none.
 
2012-05-30 12:32:40 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.

Did somebody say incredibly shallow?

You be quiet, gouda boy.


Isn't there a sandwich you should be making somewhere?

And for the love of god woman. SWISS!! S-W-I-S-S!!

So help me if there is even a crumble of gouda..... Straight to tha moon!
 
2012-05-30 12:33:18 PM  

URAPNIS: I know a dude that stopped seeing a chick because she would only eat salad when they went out.
They went away for a weekend. At the hotel, she set the alarm clock AND requested a wake up call.
That was the end of it.


Back in the 70s I was dating this one Jewish girl. She came from a very well off family. I was going to college and holding down a job. I would take her out once a month to a really decent restaurant to eat, she would order big ticket items and not eat even half of it. I finally told her I couldn't afford her anymore. There were a few other reasons too.
 
2012-05-30 12:34:11 PM  
She had mud flaps.

carid.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 12:34:23 PM  

dogfood: home schooled


With big teeth?
 
2012-05-30 12:34:27 PM  
- She at her peas one at a time.
- She had man hands.

I'll stop there.
 
2012-05-30 12:35:15 PM  

Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!


I'm with you 100%. I'd run from anyone who had Billy Joel's entire catalog. It is a character call, and a good one on your part. I really don't see it as shallow at all. In the end many many reasons for breaking up can be viewed through a lens of "shallow."
 
2012-05-30 12:35:23 PM  

busy chillin': publikenemy

Im married now but sooo ready to divorce my wife due to her constant scraping of her fork on her teeth when she eats. Wtf!? Why can't you get that shiat under control? No matter how many times I point it out, that farking fork just can't miss those chicklets..it's all I hear when we eat and it's gotten to the point where sometimes I just make up an excuse and leave.

sounds like you two have come

*puts on sunglasses*

to a fork in the road.

YEEEAAAH


Ok that shouldn't have made me laugh but I just laughed my ass off at that. Lol
 
2012-05-30 12:36:21 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: JackieRabbit: MaliFinn: She kissed like she was trying to eat my face.

That's when you push her dead down....

Yeek. Scary freudian slip!


Freud never wore a slip. That's a damnable lie! Though he was partial to fishnets and high-heeled boots. He borrowed his mother's.
 
2012-05-30 12:37:28 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.

Did somebody say incredibly shallow?

You be quiet, gouda boy.

Isn't there a sandwich you should be making somewhere?

And for the love of god woman. SWISS!! S-W-I-S-S!!

So help me if there is even a crumble of gouda..... Straight to tha moon!


Well if you did what you were supposed to I wouldn't have to buy this cut rate gouda crap and we could afford decent swiss.

Go out and earn the damned money and then you can have your sammich.
 
2012-05-30 12:38:02 PM  
I met a hot girl at work who I started dating. I was 20 and she was 26. She immediately wanted to get in the sack but sucked so bad I faked it every time except once and eventually just broke it off. Her gyrations were out of sync and I just couldn't enjoy it. She was pretty and sweet but I was young and didn't care.

I feel bad for people who are waiting til marriage and expect everything to be normal.
 
2012-05-30 12:39:12 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.

Did somebody say incredibly shallow?

You be quiet, gouda boy.

Isn't there a sandwich you should be making somewhere?

And for the love of god woman. SWISS!! S-W-I-S-S!!

So help me if there is even a crumble of gouda..... Straight to tha moon!

Well if you did what you were supposed to I wouldn't have to buy this cut rate gouda crap and we could afford decent swiss.

Go out and earn the damned money and then you can have your sammich.


Oh you sound just like your mother!!!!
 
2012-05-30 12:40:26 PM  
He grew a mustache. It creeped me out. It was more like a half-'stache.
 
2012-05-30 12:41:09 PM  
I'm a hairy dude, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies
 
2012-05-30 12:41:12 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.

Did somebody say incredibly shallow?

You be quiet, gouda boy.

Isn't there a sandwich you should be making somewhere?

And for the love of god woman. SWISS!! S-W-I-S-S!!

So help me if there is even a crumble of gouda..... Straight to tha moon!

Well if you did what you were supposed to I wouldn't have to buy this cut rate gouda crap and we could afford decent swiss.

Go out and earn the damned money and then you can have your sammich.

Oh you sound just like your mother!!!!


Whom I should have listened to when she told me to marry that nice Larry. He's a doctor!

Okay, okay.

/end threadjack
 
2012-05-30 12:41:27 PM  
Broke up with a girl for being completely adverse to physical activity. I lived in an apartment a little over a mile away from campus, and on game days everyone would just hike down to the stadium. On the one and only game we went to together she started complaining about halfway there and when we arrived entrance gate and she saw that there were ramps leading up to the seating area she loudly exclaimed, "Oh my GAWD, you mean there are MORE stairs??" It was one of the few times I've ever felt an actual physical revulsion to someone.

/sex was great though, she always seemed to have stamina for that...
 
2012-05-30 12:41:59 PM  
I don't like dating, so I don't really have horror stories like that. Usually I'm just friends with someone for a while and then we hook up. It must be nice to have a pool big enough where I can dump someone for chewing too loudly, or something.
 
2012-05-30 12:42:35 PM  

EMCGuy: wholedamnshow: twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.

You're kidding right? Low maintenance girl that wants you to save you a few bucks, and likely realizes it's more important to spend her birthday with someone she cares about rather than put a dent in your bank account?

Pass her this way please.

There's a time and place for nice meals. Golden Corral is never that place. Birthdays are usually that time. Or are you one of those guys that would be proposing in Red Lobster?


I'm certainly not cheap. Like Twobux, I certainly have no issue dropping $100+ for a nice meal for a girlfriend's birthday. Golden Corral certainly wouldn't be on my list of places to bring someone for their birthday, but if that's what would make her happy, I'd be the douche for not doing it, and an even bigger one for breaking up with her over it.
 
2012-05-30 12:43:13 PM  
Ok,
So, is i.r.id10t playing a joke on us? Is is fender picture making a comment on body hair? Is that arm hair in the photo?

If not, I apologize. Not trying to pick on anyone here.


/// Just sayin'.
 
2012-05-30 12:43:21 PM  
factoryconnection Jocundry: Huh? You lather up your pouf and well, lather up your pouf. That's about it.

Wash too little, you get smell and possibly a UTI. Wash too much, you get a yeast infection. Then there's that whole period thing, with the blood and worrying about toxic shock syndrome and leakage and chafing and whatnot. Pap smears, side effects from the pill, all sorts of things.


Sorry, I think you have been misinformed or someone has given you a scare about these things. You can't get a yeast infection from external soap and water. Douches and antibiotics and poor hygiene/diet will cause yeast infections. The whole period thing just means women have to be more rigorous in their hygiene. Toxic shock syndrome is only relevant to tampon usage (don't leave them in there too long). Pap smears are something you get once a year at the GYN office. Pills regulate your hormones and help prevent baby making but pills go in your mouth, not in your vagina. What does all of this have to do with the complications of washing one's cootch again?

And that's not even getting into fertility problems, pregnancy changes, childbirth aftereffects... although my wife has never had any problems getting pregnant, the postpartum changes noticed have been terrific, and only with her first (a non-natural delivery) were there any bad after effects.

Ok, not sure fertility or birth or birth control has anything to do with regular vaginal maintenance. Most women just wash and shave/laser/wax and that's it. Having a period and yearly exams and the need to manage our fertility (or birth control) suck, but those things barely affect our daily hygiene. The equipment is generally pretty self sufficient and easy to manage until something goes wrong. I'm sorry if it's been tough for your wife.
 
2012-05-30 12:43:28 PM  
No stories about breaking up with somebody for a silly reason, but I once stayed with a girl for several months to maintain access to a parking space. That's not silly
 
2012-05-30 12:44:12 PM  
My friends would always talk about how horrible a dead lay is.
I always figured it would be nice to just get laid....until it happened to me.
She didn't move, at all.
The second time we humped, we were on her couch. I fell asleep mid-hump.
 
2012-05-30 12:44:14 PM  
She had a big head. I couldn't stop staring at that bone helmet.
 
2012-05-30 12:44:40 PM  
gfishoutofwater.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 12:45:00 PM  
I broke up with a girl after I found out she was racist against Asians. We dated for like 6 weeks then one day we were hanging out and she started going off about how much she hated Asians. I thought she was joking but she was really pissed off at them for some reason.
 
2012-05-30 12:45:14 PM  

DIGITALgimpus: - She at her peas one at a time.
- She had man hands.

I'll stop there.


Mine wore the same dress every single date.
 
2012-05-30 12:45:34 PM  

TrancePI: Iv'e stopped for the following:

1) Had hair on her nipples and wouldnt let me pluck, shave or nibble it off

2) Halitosis

3) Back pimples

4) the smell after sex.

5) little brother got more attention and affection than me (creeped me out mentally)


Dude, everybody gets a blemish now and then.

I did break up with a girl at dinner once because she was being so rude to the waitress. We'd only been dating a few weeks.
 
2012-05-30 12:45:48 PM  

factoryconnection: I've cut off dating women for:
1. Bad breath (she became "bad breath girl" among my friends)
2. Pointy tongue (the kissing was alarming)
3. Being pushy and bossy, despite freaking amazing sex. Also, she was terrible with money/credit.
4. Not seeing any loving connection develop, despite being super sweet and fun in the sack.

I consider none of these to be silly. The first two are an affront to my sincere interest in kissing. The last two are anathema to long-term success.


I broke it off with a girl who had a pointy tongue and would just ran that sucker in your mouth while kissing, huge turnoff. She also called her boobs "titties" which was a neg as well.

/titties hater club
 
2012-05-30 12:46:27 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!

You're absolutely right.

It sounds incredibly shallow.

Did somebody say incredibly shallow?

You be quiet, gouda boy.

Isn't there a sandwich you should be making somewhere?

And for the love of god woman. SWISS!! S-W-I-S-S!!

So help me if there is even a crumble of gouda..... Straight to tha moon!

Well if you did what you were supposed to I wouldn't have to buy this cut rate gouda crap and we could afford decent swiss.

Go out and earn the damned money and then you can have your sammich.

Oh you sound just like your mother!!!!

Whom I should have listened to when she told me to marry that nice Larry. He's a doctor!

Okay, okay.

/end threadjack


...

us12.memecdn.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 12:47:41 PM  
She ate her peas one at a time.
 
2012-05-30 12:47:42 PM  

Dynascape: basemetal: Stinky cooch is not what I'd consider a silly reason to stop seeing someone.

Dude.. in my young days... there was an incident where I literally sat on the bed dry heaving until Im like "This wont work.. you should probably leave".


Check out the song You Stink by the band Mucky Pup.
 
2012-05-30 12:49:18 PM  
abhorrent1:

5 You don't earn enough money for the lifestyle I want to have

Then how about you make more money you shallow coont.


My first wife went off with her boss, an optician, who bought her a car as a "coming on board" present. A used Chevette. Two days after our last argument. Which was over my lack of sufficient income to suit her.

During that conversation I suggested, intending to get us over that obstacle, that she become an "escort" because, among other things, as hot as she was and as well as she blew she'd never have to "date" anyone she wouldn't do for free.

When she accused me of wanting to pimp her out I told her that was the wrong idea: she could keep all her money and spend it however she wanted, it's just that that's much easier for both of us than expecting me to make enough to satisfy her.

Given that I was the first non-rich guy she'd dated since her junior year in high school and that she'd been spreading herself a little thin ever since -- and bragged that before me she'd never paid her own way for anything -- I didn't see how that would be a major sacrifice on her part; because she told me that on our first date and I didn't hold it against her it wouldn't be a big deal for me either. And we'd never have to argue again about how much money I didn't make.

The guy she ditched me for was chubby, balding, arrogant, stupid, 40-something and had had only three women in his whole life (or so he "bragged"). She was 24. I was 19, slender, not too ugly, and had quit dating around to concentrate on her.

I still don't get it. Could someone please explain?

But anyway. I've only had sex with one chick who smelled bad "down there" and we were teenagers then. Where do you guys dredge these creatures up?
 
2012-05-30 12:50:33 PM  

SundaesChild: His favorite band was Skinny Puppy, he was a frat boy, and the first and only time we had sex he prematurely ejaculated and that was it for that guy.


A frat boy that listens to Skinny Puppy? Does not compute. Although I guess to be fair, I don't look like the stereotypical industrial music fan either and Skinny Puppy is one of my favorite bands (Live album next month!!).
 
2012-05-30 12:50:53 PM  

AngryWhiteMale: LlamaGirl: But... hairy is hot...

In the right places, yes.
Nipples, no.
Sorry.


So leave all the Jews, Italians and Greeks to me then.
 
2012-05-30 12:51:26 PM  

ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.


tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.
 
2012-05-30 12:51:31 PM  

URAPNIS: My friends would always talk about how horrible a dead lay is.
I always figured it would be nice to just get laid....until it happened to me.
She didn't move, at all.
The second time we humped, we were on her couch. I fell asleep mid-hump.


Simple solution: If she's going to be a dead lay, then stick your shiat wherever you'd like. If she's just going to lay there, then she wont say no to the back door!
 
2012-05-30 12:51:45 PM  

Lsherm: I did break up with a girl at dinner once because she was being so rude to the waitress. We'd only been dating a few weeks.


That's not a silly reason. That's a symptom of a larger problem.
 
2012-05-30 12:52:32 PM  
Turning down a motorcycle ride and a picnic to instead watch "Everybody's Baby: The Rescue of Jessica McClure."

It was an easy decision to drop that one.
 
2012-05-30 12:52:59 PM  
My wife didn't like her.

/had to have been said by now but I just skimmed through the comments
 
2012-05-30 12:53:28 PM  
I'm a pompous jerk that is insecure about himself and I'm afraid to hurt someone.

Also I suck at dating.
 
2012-05-30 12:53:54 PM  

lennavan: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

Er, no too much and you start to lose some sensation. Try slopping on all sorts of lube next time you have sex and compare it to a reasonable amount and/or none.


yeah, that's basically how it was...SOOO much...didn't mind the mess afterwards, but it was like pumping a hole in a watermelon. splat splat splat splat. couldn't feel much. (insert small wiener joke here...)

/though, being married to a total shrew makes me yearn for those days of daily sheet washings in the apartment laundry room
 
2012-05-30 12:54:11 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.


My wife gets so.. uh. Moist that she feels compelled to cover the bed/floor/wherever with towels before starting. One time the bed was still wet the next day from her.

Daddy like.

Also she just demonstrated, after we've been together for THREE YEARS, that she can put both her feet behind her head. The fact she waited THREE YEARS to tell me this I feel is grounds for separation...... that's just.

That's like me withholding a no limit credit card. Just wrong.
 
2012-05-30 12:54:47 PM  
her p3n!$ was bigger than mine
 
2012-05-30 12:54:48 PM  

ungaio: Turning down a motorcycle ride and a picnic to instead watch "Everybody's Baby: The Rescue of Jessica McClure."

It was an easy decision to drop that one.


Good move on your part.
 
2012-05-30 12:54:57 PM  
bow:

I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Please send her here. One good thing about my first ex-wife is that she liked to blow me where we might easily get caught. And she didn't mind being watched as long as they were quiet and kept a respectful distance.

But not at Disney World. I've never been there and never would, not even for a hot BJ from a hot babe who paid me for it.
 
2012-05-30 12:55:27 PM  

buntz: She smelled like soup


s15.postimage.orgView Full Size

What does that mean?
 
2012-05-30 12:56:21 PM  

gamergirl23: Lsherm: I did break up with a girl at dinner once because she was being so rude to the waitress. We'd only been dating a few weeks.

That's not a silly reason. That's a symptom of a larger problem.


I have a sister in law that is like that. Goes out of her way to be rude to waitresses. I told my wife years ago I won't go to family outings with her any longer and haven't.
 
2012-05-30 12:56:25 PM  

honeygrl:

hahaha ONE DAY I'LL FIND THE PERFECT PENIS!


I'm not busy this week.
 
2012-05-30 12:58:28 PM  

honeygrl: Raug the Dwarf: This Penis is toooo small.

This penis is tooo big.

This penis is just right.

hahaha ONE DAY I'LL FIND THE PERFECT PENIS!


Sorry, my thesis presentation is next week, so I need to work.
 
2012-05-30 12:59:48 PM  

honeygrl:

1 for a teeny weenie that would never please any girl
1 because his penis was actually too big and I could never enjoy the sex



Is your name Goldiebox?
 
2012-05-30 01:00:04 PM  

gunsmack: It's not a pedobear thing. If you went out to eat, took a bite of your steak and found a hair in your mouth, would you wanna eat there again?


THIS.

You want head? Fine. Here's the razor.
 
2012-05-30 01:00:14 PM  

Strategeryz0r: ihatedumbpeople: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.

My wife gets so.. uh. Moist that she feels compelled to cover the bed/floor/wherever with towels before starting. One time the bed was still wet the next day from her.

Daddy like.

Also she just demonstrated, after we've been together for THREE YEARS, that she can put both her feet behind her head. The fact she waited THREE YEARS to tell me this I feel is grounds for separation...... that's just.

That's like me withholding a no limit credit card. Just wrong.


I don't understand how you can be mad? Three years wasted sure but you've still got the rest of your life ahead of you. That's like you withholding the fact that you have millions of dollars in an account for three years. I mean, when you drop the surprise, she can either be pissed and divorce you or be farking elated and go on a shopping spree.

I suggest the shopping spree.
 
2012-05-30 01:01:20 PM  

497.5 Feet of Rope: What does that mean?


THANK you! Finally!!

/Head! Pants! NOW!
 
2012-05-30 01:02:17 PM  
SUPER LONG CSB BREAKUP STORY INCOMING!


My latest reason to dump a lady was hypocrisy (or hypocrazy, if you will). She worked at a bar, which we all liked, and one day when I was hanging out with my friends, she just stopped talking completely to me. After a bit of coaxing about wtf I did, it turned out she was pissed I was talking to my buddy's girlfriend. She didn't know this, so I let it go...should of noted it though.
Fast forward a couple weeks, she learns that I regularly have a (female) friend over to just hang out. Many moons before I ever knew my girlfriend, this girl and I had a 'talk' and she gave me the 'well, I'm just not interested in you' and I let it be. I don't harbor any ill-will or am waiting for my day to strike or anything, I just like her company as I would a male friend. I've also come to the conclusion:
Only once both parties have dropped any idea of 'getting together' can a man and woman be friends.
Back to CSB:
So Girlfriend FREAKS out on me about this girl, I try to resolve the situation as best as possible. Tell her there is nothing, explain in detail what our hangouts include (lots of cartoons and herbal refreshment), and offer her to hang out with us so she can meet this girl. Girlfriend doesn't buy a word of it, and holds it over me for the next couple weeks.
Then she finally moves out of her parents place (we're only 26 at the time) into a studio apt, as a good boyfriend, I offer to help. She declines, says it's covered and fine, so I think nothing of it. Then pictures came out that 'The Dude' had helped her out.
Now The Dude is a good guy, he was a friend of hers for a very long time and a mutual friend of many of our mutual friends, so he was not a threat. Well, one night, he gets politely plastered and confessed his love to my girlfriend. It was in that 'WHY WASN'T IT ME?!' kind of way, where his drunkenness just played against him. Again, didn't take this too badly at the time because he was a good guy.
But after The Dude helps the Girlfriend out to move, and I start noticing her kinda stringing him along, I was over it. I didn't want to be with a chick who wanted her cake, eat it to, and make damn sure that I stay in line with what she wants, without listening to any of my side of an argument.


If you got through the entire CSB, I congratulate you. I wrote this and it was cathartic for me, seeing it happened earlier this year and really haven't put words to it. Been avoiding the subject for a couple months.

/she is still trying to 'meet up for a beer'
//means 1 of 2 things: the 'I started seeing someone else talk' or 'One last ride, please'
 
2012-05-30 01:02:28 PM  

honeygrl: Raug the Dwarf: This Penis is toooo small.

This penis is tooo big.

This penis is just right.

hahaha ONE DAY I'LL FIND THE PERFECT PENIS!


By the way, nice Wish List.
 
GOB
2012-05-30 01:02:46 PM  

WienerButt: I met a hot girl at work who I started dating. I was 20 and she was 26. She immediately wanted to get in the sack but sucked so bad I faked it every time except once and eventually just broke it off. Her gyrations were out of sync and I just couldn't enjoy it. She was pretty and sweet but I was young and didn't care.

I feel bad for people who are waiting til marriage and expect everything to be normal.


I had to click on your profile to check if you were a woman. Her gyrations were off? Wtf take control man.
 
2012-05-30 01:03:36 PM  
'Friend' set me up on a blind date. Didn't tell me the guy was a hard-line, christian republican who also just happened to be racist. Go figure.

All he wanted to talk about was how awful President Obama was to the country, and he knew this from Fw,Fw,Fw,Fw emails.

Was also a birther.
 
2012-05-30 01:04:04 PM  

i.r.id10t: [img.photobucket.com image 450x304]

No... btw anyone want to buy a front fender?


Is that a chimps arm?
 
2012-05-30 01:04:06 PM  
Not hairy enough
 
2012-05-30 01:05:29 PM  

lennavan: Strategeryz0r: ihatedumbpeople: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.

My wife gets so.. uh. Moist that she feels compelled to cover the bed/floor/wherever with towels before starting. One time the bed was still wet the next day from her.

Daddy like.

Also she just demonstrated, after we've been together for THREE YEARS, that she can put both her feet behind her head. The fact she waited THREE YEARS to tell me this I feel is grounds for separation...... that's just.

That's like me withholding a no limit credit card. Just wrong.

I don't understand how you can be mad? Three years wasted sure but you've still got the rest of your life ahead of you. That's like you withholding the fact that you have millions of dollars in an account for three years. I mean, when you drop the surprise, she can either be pissed and divorce you or be farking elated and go on a shopping spree.

I suggest the shopping spree.


oh the shopping spree has ensued. But when she's willing to share everything about her ex-fiance.. fiance(they were engaged... to be engaged. lame right?) before sharing that she can PUT HER LEGS BEHIND HER HEAD... I might get a tad agitated.

I'd rather hear that you're crazy flexible than hear that your ex fiance fiance had a tiny penis, was inadequate in bed in every way shape and form, was abusive as hell, and a tweaker.

I hope she's running out of stories about her ex. I'm tired of hearing about it. That and even though her stories are all the kind that make you go "WHY THE HELL WERE YOU WITH THIS GUY?!?!" She says them with this almost fond nostalgic tone...

Which kind of bugs the hell out of me to be honest.
 
2012-05-30 01:06:24 PM  
Coarse, steel wool like, red pubes growing out of her bunghole.

Ruined the very idea of doin´it doggystyle for me for many a long year´
 
2012-05-30 01:06:24 PM  
What I thought: "You're a jealous, shallow drunk, boring in bed and all of your friends hate me because I'm not into swing music."

What I said: "I just don't think we're very compatible."

But holy shiat she did have a great rack. Just perfect.
 
2012-05-30 01:06:35 PM  

Stupid Guitar: I was once dating this chick, everything was going great until I took a look at her CD collection. She had every Billy Joel record right there on the shelf. All of a sudden, any interest I had in this girl flew right out the window.

I know it sounds incredibly shallow, but I just couldn't get past the idea that anyone would own Mr. Joel's entire catalog.

/she also liked the Little River Band. Blecchhh!


You've got a great body but your record collection sucks
 
2012-05-30 01:08:15 PM  
ihatedumbpeople:

my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

Did you know this before you married her? If so, why did you?

I lived with a chick for 9 years because she'd have made a good sister. But then I'm mentally ill.
 
2012-05-30 01:08:30 PM  

lennavan: Strategeryz0r: ihatedumbpeople: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.

My wife gets so.. uh. Moist that she feels compelled to cover the bed/floor/wherever with towels before starting. One time the bed was still wet the next day from her.

Daddy like.

Also she just demonstrated, after we've been together for THREE YEARS, that she can put both her feet behind her head. The fact she waited THREE YEARS to tell me this I feel is grounds for separation...... that's just.

That's like me withholding a no limit credit card. Just wrong.

I don't understand how you can be mad? Three years wasted sure but you've still got the rest of your life ahead of you. That's like you withholding the fact that you have millions of dollars in an account for three years. I mean, when you drop the surprise, she can either be pissed and divorce you or be farking elated and go on a shopping spree.

I suggest the shopping spree.


I think he was exaggerating his anger about this.
 
2012-05-30 01:09:00 PM  

I Like Bread: I don't like dating, so I don't really have horror stories like that. Usually I'm just friends with someone for a while and then we hook up. It must be nice to have a pool big enough where I can dump someone for chewing too loudly, or something.


A sound policy. But I think it works better if you're a woman or a guy who is into guys. Because a lot of women simply will not have sex with a man they consider a friend. That's why men never want to get into the "friend zone" with a woman they are interested in. However, the gals who don't think this way are the way to go. At worst, you have a FWB and at best you have a real friend, who won't be playing games with you. And that's really all dating is: a big mind game in which both parties are working an angle. This is why I hated dating and stopped doing it. Like you, I just tried to be a friend and see where it went. Most of the time, it went nowhere, but their wasn't any drama.
 
2012-05-30 01:09:33 PM  
In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.
 
2012-05-30 01:09:59 PM  

BusketsMcBride: honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.

I would like to cover your titties with jizzum with my average cock while I laugh like the Joker. Would we be a good match?


Hey. You told me you were "100% homo."
 
2012-05-30 01:10:05 PM  

wholedamnshow: lennavan: Strategeryz0r: ihatedumbpeople: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.

My wife gets so.. uh. Moist that she feels compelled to cover the bed/floor/wherever with towels before starting. One time the bed was still wet the next day from her.

Daddy like.

Also she just demonstrated, after we've been together for THREE YEARS, that she can put both her feet behind her head. The fact she waited THREE YEARS to tell me this I feel is grounds for separation...... that's just.

That's like me withholding a no limit credit card. Just wrong.

I don't understand how you can be mad? Three years wasted sure but you've still got the rest of your life ahead of you. That's like you withholding the fact that you have millions of dollars in an account for three years. I mean, when you drop the surprise, she can either be pissed and divorce you or be farking elated and go on a shopping spree.

I suggest the shopping spree.

I think he was exaggerating his anger about this.


Those who know me.. Know I NEVER exaggerate ANYTHING...

EVER
 
2012-05-30 01:11:03 PM  

Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.


Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have
 
2012-05-30 01:12:03 PM  
Once dated a girl that wouldn't let me go down on her... buh-bye!
 
2012-05-30 01:13:06 PM  

Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.


Woke up the next morning with some girl. Her feet were sticking out the bottom of the covers and her toes were pointing in every direction but the right direction. I was some kind of farked up the night before. I sneaked out of her place pretty fast.
 
2012-05-30 01:13:27 PM  
Stopped seeing a guy because he neglected to mention he was technically STILL MARRIED. Well that, and he wrapped both arms around my right arm while I was driving...and refused to let go. Can we say "clingy"?
 
2012-05-30 01:13:36 PM  

I Mash Grains: honeygrl:

1 for a teeny weenie that would never please any girl
1 because his penis was actually too big and I could never enjoy the sex

Is your name Goldiebox?


Winrar! :D
 
2012-05-30 01:13:39 PM  

RangerTaylor: She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?


No.
 
2012-05-30 01:13:59 PM  
My last one I broke up with for "being a complete psycho" which I think was pretty valid. Of her many psycho behaviours one was being insanely jealous and getting all bitter when one of her (male) friends showed affection to one of her (female) friends. I'm not talking annoyed or something, I'm talking she was in a bitter mood for a couple days. This after we'd just started dating. Then she got all jealous and bitter because I talked to my mom for an hour on the phone (seriously).
 
2012-05-30 01:14:07 PM  

RedT: One guy because his hands were softer than mine.


Wait, why is that a problem? There are plenty of well-paying jobs that don't involve manual labor. Actually, most don't. Was this guy also a deadbeat?

/Soft hands
 
bow
2012-05-30 01:14:35 PM  

honeygrl: bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Are you sure you didn't dump her because she had a vagina?


iamrex: bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Don't lie. You broke up with her because she's a girl.


No, I just broke up with her because she didn't have a penis.

In all honesty, I was still in denial then, and this girl was cray cray and clingy.
 
2012-05-30 01:14:54 PM  

sycraft: My last one I broke up with for "being a complete psycho" which I think was pretty valid. Of her many psycho behaviours one was being insanely jealous and getting all bitter when one of her (male) friends showed affection to one of her (female) friends. I'm not talking annoyed or something, I'm talking she was in a bitter mood for a couple days. This after we'd just started dating. Then she got all jealous and bitter because I talked to my mom for an hour on the phone (seriously).


Narcissism, thy name is sycraft's ex.
 
2012-05-30 01:14:57 PM  

honeygrl: lennavan: honeygrl: bow: I broke up with a girl once because she wouldn't stop touching me. We were at Disney World in the summer. Don't touch me.

Are you sure you didn't dump her because she had a vagina?

Some of us without attachment issues don't feel the need to constantly hang on someone else in public.

If you'll check out hotboys profile, you'll see why I made that comment.


I checked his profile. It suggests he might be gay. And given his estimated age this probably happened before he came out.

By the way, he's kinda cute.
 
2012-05-30 01:14:59 PM  

JusticeandIndependence: She kissed me so hard it hurt. I think she thought it was the proper way, but even after bringing it up, she kept doing it. I mean bruised lips hard. Never understood why. Nice girl.


I had the same exact experience. Super Hot chick too, but everytime I tried to make out with her I was afraid she was going to swallow me whole. Just couldnt take it...
 
2012-05-30 01:16:34 PM  

abhorrent1: twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.

So? Not everyone needs to go to an overpriced, snobby restaurant to eat. I would have though that was cool.


wholedamnshow: twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.

You're kidding right? Low maintenance girl that wants you to save you a few bucks, and likely realizes it's more important to spend her birthday with someone she cares about rather than put a dent in your bank account?

Pass her this way please.


Great minds think alike.
 
2012-05-30 01:16:41 PM  
Evil Mackerel

i.r.id10t: [img.photobucket.com image 450x304]

No... btw anyone want to buy a front fender?

Is that a chimps arm?
Thank you ...

am glad I wan't the only ione to notice
...
 
2012-05-30 01:17:29 PM  

oldfarthenry: What constitutes "Too hairy" these days? A 5 o'clock pube shadow?

/silly pre-pubesence-obsessed youth


I was expecting that to be a popular excuse for dumping a GUY! Silly me.
 
2012-05-30 01:17:47 PM  

Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: Once dated a girl that wouldn't let me go down on her... buh-bye!


Same here.

I don't know if she was worried about the smell or what, but I would try and she would push my head away. Going down is one of my favorite things in the whole world. To me, it was like going to Disneyworld and not getting to ride Splash Mountain.
 
2012-05-30 01:18:10 PM  

Strategeryz0r: oh the shopping spree has ensued. But when she's willing to share everything about her ex-fiance.. fiance(they were engaged... to be engaged. lame right?) before sharing that she can PUT HER LEGS BEHIND HER HEAD... I might get a tad agitated.

I'd rather hear that you're crazy flexible than hear that your ex fiance fiance had a tiny penis, was inadequate in bed in every way shape and form, was abusive as hell, and a tweaker.

I hope she's running out of stories about her ex. I'm tired of hearing about it. That and even though her stories are all the kind that make you go "WHY THE HELL WERE YOU WITH THIS GUY?!?!" She says them with this almost fond nostalgic tone...

Which kind of bugs the hell out of me to be honest.


Now see the flexible thing I'd let go because there is fun to be had. But the constant yapping about past relationships, man I don't want to hear that shiat. I don't care if he was awesome or terrible, if you got issues go talk to a shrink.

wholedamnshow: I think he was exaggerating his anger about this.


I have it on good authority the internet is serious business.
 
2012-05-30 01:18:18 PM  
everybody gets one date.

if you won't put out on the first date then who the hell needs you? get lost.

if you do put out on the first date you're a whore. don't come back.

easy-peasy.
 
2012-05-30 01:18:34 PM  

sycraft: My last one I broke up with for "being a complete psycho" which I think was pretty valid. Of her many psycho behaviours one was being insanely jealous and getting all bitter when one of her (male) friends showed affection to one of her (female) friends. I'm not talking annoyed or something, I'm talking she was in a bitter mood for a couple days. This after we'd just started dating. Then she got all jealous and bitter because I talked to my mom for an hour on the phone (seriously).


My ex-fiance turned into that. Everything, I thought, was going great. We were happy, living together, the usual stuff. Then we got engaged. Within a week she went INSANE.

I'm talking going to have a beer with the guys after work. I'm there for half an hour before she's texting me asking why I'm not on my way home yet. Where are you? Why don't you want to spend time with me? etc. etc.

Engagement lasted less than a month.
 
2012-05-30 01:19:13 PM  
She started sleeping with other guys and told me we never discussed anything about our relationship being monogamous.

/Damn_Germans
//Men are from Mars, women are just evil
 
2012-05-30 01:19:55 PM  
My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha
 
2012-05-30 01:20:29 PM  
TrancePI:
octopied:

5) little brother got more attention and affection than me (creeped me out mentally)

how old were you that her brother was hanging around? 16?

I was 28, she was 22, brother was going on 13.


Sounds like a great threesome to me.

Seriously, she clearly felt maternal towards him. I'd think that's a good sign, that she wasn't such a self-centered ho. It bugs me when she thinks the whole relationship is all about HER.

Jealous of her 13 year old brother. What a wuss.
 
2012-05-30 01:20:58 PM  
media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 01:22:10 PM  

Raug the Dwarf: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: Once dated a girl that wouldn't let me go down on her... buh-bye!

Same here.

I don't know if she was worried about the smell or what, but I would try and she would push my head away. Going down is one of my favorite things in the whole world. To me, it was like going to Disneyworld and not getting to ride Splash Mountain.


Hah, I once dated a girl who let me go down on her but wouldn't let me get her all the way. Kept saying she couldn't handle it. It was like going to Disneyworld, waiting in line for splash mountain, getting in the log and the moment before you get the big plunge the ride stops and they make you get out. WTF.
 
2012-05-30 01:23:12 PM  

honeygrl: BusketsMcBride: honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.

I would like to cover your titties with jizzum with my average cock while I laugh like the Joker. Would we be a good match?

titties.

I hate that word so so much. It sounds so trashy.


I hate the word "jizzum."

Personally I prefer "tits," "boobs" or "breasts," depending on the context. "Titties," "boobies," "ta-tas" etc. sounds blipping childish. Even from a 12 year old.
 
2012-05-30 01:23:27 PM  

crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha


1. Don't be embarrassed.

2. Dude who broke up with you is a farking MORAN and will end up marrying someone frigid. Because that way he knows they're pure.
 
2012-05-30 01:23:34 PM  

lennavan: Raug the Dwarf: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: Once dated a girl that wouldn't let me go down on her... buh-bye!

Same here.

I don't know if she was worried about the smell or what, but I would try and she would push my head away. Going down is one of my favorite things in the whole world. To me, it was like going to Disneyworld and not getting to ride Splash Mountain.

Hah, I once dated a girl who let me go down on her but wouldn't let me get her all the way. Kept saying she couldn't handle it. It was like going to Disneyworld, waiting in line for splash mountain, getting in the log and the moment before you get the big plunge the ride stops and they make you get out. WTF.


Probably an embarrassed squirter.
 
2012-05-30 01:25:20 PM  

HallsOfMandos: SundaesChild: His favorite band was Skinny Puppy, he was a frat boy, and the first and only time we had sex he prematurely ejaculated and that was it for that guy.

A frat boy that listens to Skinny Puppy? Does not compute. Although I guess to be fair, I don't look like the stereotypical industrial music fan either and Skinny Puppy is one of my favorite bands (Live album next month!!).


My first husband is an obsessive SP fanboy, so he kind of ruined them for me for life. So when the frat boy proclaimed his love of them I knew it couldn't last.
 
2012-05-30 01:25:20 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have


When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!
 
2012-05-30 01:27:17 PM  

Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!


You didn't?

I am disappoint.
 
2012-05-30 01:27:22 PM  
RangerTaylor:

She was a nymphomaniac, but not the fun porno kind. More like the daddy-issues, sex all the time but only in missionary and deathly afraid of semen/getting pregnant. Oh, and I dated her for like 8 months and she would kind of slide sideways out of the door to her house so that I couldn't see inside. Oh, and she lived with her parents, who were divorced but still lived together for money reasons. Oh, and they all slept in one room on three beds (according to her).

Are those silly reasons to break up?


Yes. Please refer her to me. I had a vasectomy.

By the way, whatever happened to BronyMedic?
 
2012-05-30 01:27:45 PM  

Strategeryz0r: My ex-fiance turned into that. Everything, I thought, was going great. We were happy, living together, the usual stuff. Then we got engaged. Within a week she went INSANE.

I'm talking going to have a beer with the guys after work. I'm there for half an hour before she's texting me asking why I'm not on my way home yet. Where are you? Why don't you want to spend time with me? etc. etc.

Engagement lasted less than a month.


Thankfully it never got that far. I dated this chick for all of like two weeks. That wasn't her only issue, but that was the one that sealed the deal. I'm a big believer in the idea that you have to accept people for who they are and be willing to put up with some faults. Dan Savage calls them "the price of admission" and I think he's right on. However shiat like that? There's no dealing with that. I couldn't deal with someone who wanted my whole life to be about them, I'm just not a person like that. Particularly if it is bad enough she'd be jealous of my mom :P.
 
2012-05-30 01:28:04 PM  
Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.
 
2012-05-30 01:28:21 PM  

crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha


You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.
 
2012-05-30 01:29:14 PM  
WhippingBoy:

#1 reason: sharp knees

Yours?
 
2012-05-30 01:29:43 PM  
On of my good friends and probably 2nd best drinking buddy, is my cousin. She has knockout looks in every single way. Although to be fair, she's not great in the brains department, but with her looks she doesn't needs 'em.

Anyway, I've seen her break up with some guys over the oddest things. My favorite is when she broke up with a guy because he didn't like condiments. I'm being dead serious. She said to me, in total disgust, "Who hates ketchup and mustard? That's messed up!"

We have a pretty good system setup:
- She gets free drinks
- She gives me half her drinks (which trust me, is a substantial amount)
- I get a wing-woman
- I provide muscle if any guys start getting too touchy feely (I'm 6'5 240lbs of corn-fed Midwestern man)

/pro-tip: don't buy a woman a drink unless you've been talking to her for awhile
 
2012-05-30 01:29:45 PM  
She had a bigger penis than me
 
2012-05-30 01:29:51 PM  

BusketsMcBride: Reading that list, you women are shallow, thoughtless creatures hellbent on breaking a man's heart.

And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.


It's code for your fat and I'm not.
 
2012-05-30 01:30:00 PM  

crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha


If I ever broke up with a girl because of that I would expect my friends to kill me. Slowly and painfully.

It´s just all sorts of wrong.
 
2012-05-30 01:30:10 PM  

crzybtch: Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha


First guy was insecure. Were you teenagers at the time?

crzybtch: (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech)


Just an FYI - anecdotes tell me for the woman, if you can get past the mental weirdness part, physically it's a terrific time to have sex. Every girlfriend I've had is like you, who didn't want to be touched that time of the month so I've never done it that time... on purpose. But plenty where she (and sometimes I) found out afterwards.
 
2012-05-30 01:31:17 PM  
factoryconnection:

vaginas seem to require an exhausting amount of minding and maintenance.

Only for cheap hookers.

Crazy is one thing, crack ho is another.
 
2012-05-30 01:31:58 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: 1. Don't be embarrassed.

2. Dude who broke up with you is a farking MORAN and will end up marrying someone frigid. Because that way he knows they're pure.


Never got the obsession with purity. I want a dirty girl who knows what she wants and can show me all sorts of cool shiat. Yes that is going to mean she's been with many other guys. Why would that bother me in the slightest?
 
2012-05-30 01:32:16 PM  
These are both the same girl:

1. Would not communicate with me other than text messages.
2. Told me I should read "The Secret"
 
2012-05-30 01:33:18 PM  
My prime dating era was the entire 1970s. This was before aids was more widespread than it is now and from my point of view it was a smorgasbord of one night stands with the occasional stab at serious relationships. Of the serious relationships, there was one in particular that to this day chaps my ass.

I moved to the Chicago area from SW Louisiana in the early 70s. Predominantly Cajun culture where I'm from. Though to this day I still have an accent, it was never quite as thick as many folks from where I'm from. I was going out with this one girl and had been seeing her for a few months when my mother came up to visit for a few days. My mother had a very thick Cajun accent and the girl I was seeing started making comments about how my mother sounded like some hick etc..etc... I tried to over look it at first but then when we all went out to eat she tried to correct my mother over a particular word she used. Mom, always being a class act said nothing but I could see embarrassment in her face.
I managed to get through the evening without shoving a plate in this girl's face and when the night was over, I was so soured by the experience I told her to get lost. She went through the motions of "What did I say? What did I do?" and I just had no interest in explaining. What took it to a new level of pissed was the fact that my mother thought it was her fault.
 
2012-05-30 01:33:21 PM  
I dumped a chick after one night when I found out she slept with a .380 auto under the pillow, safetly off, one in the pipe, and the damned thing wasn't even a Walther.

Bye bye time.
 
2012-05-30 01:34:14 PM  

elysive: Ok, not sure fertility or birth or birth control has anything to do with regular vaginal maintenance. Most women just wash and shave/laser/wax and that's it. Having a period and yearly exams and the need to manage our fertility (or birth control) suck, but those things barely affect our daily hygiene. The equipment is generally pretty self sufficient and easy to manage until something goes wrong. I'm sorry if it's been tough for your wife.


Compare any of what you said to what it is like for guys, and maybe you'll see my point.
20-25% of your life spent in bleeding compared to 0%
Yearly exams compared to no exams
Daily pills compared to no pills
Yeast infections compared to no yeast infections

Just because it is a routine for women doesn't mean that if someone just added that amount of work to your life you wouldn't think it was crazy.
 
2012-05-30 01:34:22 PM  

factoryconnection: Jocundry: Huh? You lather up your pouf and well, lather up your pouf. That's about it.

Wash too little, you get smell and possibly a UTI. Wash too much, you get a yeast infection. Then there's that whole period thing, with the blood and worrying about toxic shock syndrome and leakage and chafing and whatnot. Pap smears, side effects from the pill, all sorts of things.

And that's not even getting into fertility problems, pregnancy changes, childbirth aftereffects... although my wife has never had any problems getting pregnant, the postpartum changes noticed have been terrific, and only with her first (a non-natural delivery) were there any bad after effects.


Well, I guess I'm lucky. I've never had a yeast infection or a UTI. I've also never been pregnant so maybe that's why.
 
2012-05-30 01:35:28 PM  

miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.


All very good reasons......but I have to ask....why\how do you attract such men folk?
 
2012-05-30 01:35:41 PM  
I finally divorced my ex because I finally come to terms he was a controlling asshole.

New boyfriend is at my apartment right now while I'm at work cleaning my kitchen and is making dinner.

/yes, I will thank him with a blow job.
//or anal, which ever.
 
2012-05-30 01:35:51 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!

You didn't?

I am disappoint.


Too freaked at the time. But upon further review (only been 20 years)... maybe a cup holder??
She could have been the most evolutionary advanced woman on the planet. DAMMIT! DAMMIT TO HECK!!
 
2012-05-30 01:36:51 PM  

lennavan: Raug the Dwarf: Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired: Once dated a girl that wouldn't let me go down on her... buh-bye!

Same here.

I don't know if she was worried about the smell or what, but I would try and she would push my head away. Going down is one of my favorite things in the whole world. To me, it was like going to Disneyworld and not getting to ride Splash Mountain.

Hah, I once dated a girl who let me go down on her but wouldn't let me get her all the way. Kept saying she couldn't handle it. It was like going to Disneyworld, waiting in line for splash mountain, getting in the log and the moment before you get the big plunge the ride stops and they make you get out. WTF.


Alyssa?
 
2012-05-30 01:37:16 PM  
Stopped dating? What about never started?
 
2012-05-30 01:37:35 PM  

Stealthy Ninja Polar Bear: I finally divorced my ex because I finally come to terms he was a controlling asshole.

New boyfriend is at my apartment right now while I'm at work cleaning my kitchen and is making dinner.

/yes, I will thank him with a blow job.
//or anal, which ever.


Breaking out the 'ol strap on, eh?
:)
 
2012-05-30 01:37:53 PM  

Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!

You didn't?

I am disappoint.

Too freaked at the time. But upon further review (only been 20 years)... maybe a cup holder??
She could have been the most evolutionary advanced woman on the planet. DAMMIT! DAMMIT TO HECK!!


How were the sandwiches? Delicious?

Because delicious sandwiches + back vagina/cup holder + how were the tits? = possibly the greatest woman ever from an evolutionary standpoint.

Sir you may have made an enormous mistake.

Even so. You made a mistake by not sticking it in that back hole. never know, might have been AWESOME.

and maybe she's all into that.
 
2012-05-30 01:38:00 PM  

Strategeryz0r: ihatedumbpeople: ajt167: ihatedumbpeople: when I was dating and thought I knew it all, I split with a girl because she got 'way' too uh..moist....during the act. to a point where it actually became a distraction. oddly enough, today that would be right up my alley.

my payback? my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

/payback is a beyyotch.

Wow dude, that's like breaking up with a girl because she has too good of control of her gag reflex and is too flexible.

tell me about it. tellyouwhut, the ihatedumbpeople today would be all over it. Apparently I was completely retarded 15 years ago.

My wife gets so.. uh. Moist that she feels compelled to cover the bed/floor/wherever with towels before starting. One time the bed was still wet the next day from her.

Daddy like.

Also she just demonstrated, after we've been together for THREE YEARS, that she can put both her feet behind her head. The fact she waited THREE YEARS to tell me this I feel is grounds for separation...... that's just.

That's like me withholding a no limit credit card. Just wrong.


nice...ah...memories.....memmmmooorrriiiess....
 
2012-05-30 01:38:31 PM  

Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!


Dude, you found the elusive sixth orifice and you did nothing with it?
 
2012-05-30 01:38:58 PM  

URAPNIS: Stealthy Ninja Polar Bear: I finally divorced my ex because I finally come to terms he was a controlling asshole.

New boyfriend is at my apartment right now while I'm at work cleaning my kitchen and is making dinner.

/yes, I will thank him with a blow job.
//or anal, which ever.

Breaking out the 'ol strap on, eh?
:)


Tea through the nose... Thanks bud.
 
2012-05-30 01:39:11 PM  
Asked me why i couldnt be more like Edward....seriously. A farking vampire
 
2012-05-30 01:39:36 PM  

Stealthy Ninja Polar Bear: I finally divorced my ex because I finally come to terms he was a controlling asshole.

New boyfriend is at my apartment right now while I'm at work cleaning my kitchen and is making dinner.

/yes, I will thank him with a blow job.
//or anal, which ever.


I think thats lovely. I really do.
 
2012-05-30 01:40:16 PM  

skrame: twobux: I wanted to take my gf to a fancy Italian restaurant, expecting to drop at least $100 on the night. She really wanted to go to Golden Corral because she had a birthday coupon.
Broke up about 24 hours later.

Is she still available?


No shiat, A girl that realizes how much a place costs and is trying to be considerate / self-sacrificing to save you money. The OP has to be the biggest idiot on the planet.
 
2012-05-30 01:40:25 PM  
Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.
 
2012-05-30 01:40:36 PM  

Iggymac: miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.

All very good reasons......but I have to ask....why\how do you attract such men folk?


Self-esteem issues, mostly (as far as the alcoholics go). That's better now.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and see the best in even the suckiest people. It has come around to bite me plenty of times. My fault for being like that, but also their fault for being terrible people.

Oh well, live and learn. Not proud of much of my past, but certainly okay with how I've become.
 
2012-05-30 01:41:53 PM  

AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.


What is wrong with you?
 
2012-05-30 01:42:39 PM  

Iggymac: miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.

All very good reasons......but I have to ask....why\how do you attract such men folk?


Exactly. You need to fix your picker, miss marla
 
2012-05-30 01:43:43 PM  

HallsOfMandos: 1. Would not communicate with me other than text messages.


Look on the bright side. At least she communicated.
 
2012-05-30 01:43:52 PM  
wambu:

A coworker stopped dating "Mr. Wonderful" when he became "Mr. Penis-too-small".

I've never had that problem. Not that mine's huge, just that anybody who insists on bigger really is a size queen.
 
2012-05-30 01:43:59 PM  

The One True TheDavid: ihatedumbpeople:

my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

Did you know this before you married her? If so, why did you?

I lived with a chick for 9 years because she'd have made a good sister. But then I'm mentally ill.


nah, actually before we got married she was completely different.

Since then she's actually admitted she put up a front to lure me in. Just about the time I was ready to bolt, she got preggars because she let her pill prescrip lapse without telling me.

/kids are the best thing though, only reason it's all worth it.
 
2012-05-30 01:44:04 PM  
Do any of you guys ever suspect that your women don't want you to go down on them because you SUCK at it? (not in the good way)
 
2012-05-30 01:44:10 PM  

GWSuperfan: HallsOfMandos: 1. Would not communicate with me other than text messages.

Look on the bright side. At least she communicated.


SILENT communication no less.

A rare find in the wimmen folk.
 
2012-05-30 01:44:19 PM  

lennavan: factoryconnection: I've cut off dating women for:
1. Bad breath (she became "bad breath girl" among my friends)
2. Pointy tongue (the kissing was alarming)
3. Being pushy and bossy, despite freaking amazing sex. Also, she was terrible with money/credit.
4. Not seeing any loving connection develop, despite being super sweet and fun in the sack.

You know, I don't want to tell you how to live your life or anything but I'm pretty sure men have those problems too.


I'm guessing he phrased it that way because he doesn't date men. I guess we are all supposed to be bisexual these days in order to remain politically correct.
 
2012-05-30 01:44:35 PM  
When I was 30, I dated a girl twice who was 23. I went to pick her up for a dinner date, and she was wearing her HS PROM DRESS... Weird man!
 
2012-05-30 01:45:35 PM  

Strategeryz0r: GWSuperfan: HallsOfMandos: 1. Would not communicate with me other than text messages.

Look on the bright side. At least she communicated.

SILENT communication no less.

A rare find in the wimmen folk.


That would be a dream come true.
 
2012-05-30 01:45:36 PM  

umad: lennavan: factoryconnection: I've cut off dating women for:
1. Bad breath (she became "bad breath girl" among my friends)
2. Pointy tongue (the kissing was alarming)
3. Being pushy and bossy, despite freaking amazing sex. Also, she was terrible with money/credit.
4. Not seeing any loving connection develop, despite being super sweet and fun in the sack.

You know, I don't want to tell you how to live your life or anything but I'm pretty sure men have those problems too.

I'm guessing he phrased it that way because he doesn't date men. I guess we are all supposed to be bisexual these days in order to remain politically correct.


I purposely misunderstood it to make a joke. In no way was I suggesting we all be bisexual for politically correctness but if you want to use that post as your reason, you go right ahead.
 
2012-05-30 01:46:35 PM  
DoBeDoBeDo:

Dumped a girl because she was a fake nympho. Kept saying she was addicted but only "needed" it to get out of situations she felt uncomfortable in.

Sounds good to me. I don't need much of a social life.
 
2012-05-30 01:46:41 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!

You didn't?

I am disappoint.

Too freaked at the time. But upon further review (only been 20 years)... maybe a cup holder??
She could have been the most evolutionary advanced woman on the planet. DAMMIT! DAMMIT TO HECK!!

How were the sandwiches? Delicious?

Because delicious sandwiches + back vagina/cup holder + how were the tits? = possibly the greatest woman ever from an evolutionary standpoint.

Sir you may have made an enormous mistake.

Even so. You made a mistake by not sticking it in that back hole. never know, might have been AWESOME.

and maybe she's all into that.


but I was always told not to stick my junk into crazy. I figure a crazy hole is still crazy. She was quiet, tall, and lean... and even brought beer with her. FREKKKKINGGODDAMMITTT-TOHELLLLL !

/where's the Deloran?
 
2012-05-30 01:46:46 PM  

lizzyjo: [media.tumblr.com image 500x550]


You'd actually have to become a magician...
 
2012-05-30 01:47:57 PM  
I got married before the whole texting era, so I have a question for the youngun daters in here: What is the text ettiquite for the newly dating? I have a girlfriend who recently reentered the dating scene. She's pretty nice looking, smart, funny, and has a good career, yet she's having terrible luck with the whole dating thing. She has no trouble attracting guys. The first few dates go well, then he backs way off. Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

This seems excessive to me. Is that normal now? It'd drive me farking nuts, but like I said, I've been married for a while.
 
2012-05-30 01:48:16 PM  

Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

What is wrong with you?

 
2012-05-30 01:48:58 PM  

dotvincent: Do any of you guys ever suspect that your women don't want you to go down on them because you SUCK at it? (not in the good way)


may be different for the ladies, but I'd prefer bad head to no head any day.
 
2012-05-30 01:49:13 PM  

JackieRabbit: Iggymac: miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.

All very good reasons......but I have to ask....why\how do you attract such men folk?

Exactly. You need to fix your picker, miss marla


No doubt. Anyone with a string of bad relationships has to take partial blame. Not that it's okay people took advantage of me, but it was my own fault for letting them.
 
2012-05-30 01:49:30 PM  

namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.


Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.


Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.
 
2012-05-30 01:50:25 PM  

Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!

You didn't?

I am disappoint.

Too freaked at the time. But upon further review (only been 20 years)... maybe a cup holder??
She could have been the most evolutionary advanced woman on the planet. DAMMIT! DAMMIT TO HECK!!

How were the sandwiches? Delicious?

Because delicious sandwiches + back vagina/cup holder + how were the tits? = possibly the greatest woman ever from an evolutionary standpoint.

Sir you may have made an enormous mistake.

Even so. You made a mistake by not sticking it in that back hole. never know, might have been AWESOME.

and maybe she's all into that.

but I was always told not to stick my junk into crazy. I figure a crazy hole is still crazy. She was quiet, tall, and lean... and even brought beer with her. FREKKKKINGGODDAMMITTT-TOHELLLLL !

/where's the Deloran?


you know i never subscribed to the never stick your dick in crazy theory.

I was more of a "never give crazy your real name/phone #, or take her back to your place. Always her place or a hotel room" kind of guy.
 
2012-05-30 01:50:43 PM  

NASAM: Your Boss: Strategeryz0r: Your Boss: In college, I brought a girl back to my place, and we were on the way to gettin busy.. then I felt a HOLE IN HER BACK!! WTF?!?!?! Right in the middle - like a frekking ice cream scooper took out a chunk. I couldn't get past it. She had to go.


/and she had sharp knees.

Did.....

Did you...

You know...

With the hole before you left?

/would have

When I ran my hand across the void, it did not touch bottom... I wasn't staying around long enough to do a complete survey. It was dark, and I didn't say anything about it. Hell, it may have been filled with money and beer, but I was outta there!

Freaky is ok, but not like that!

Dude, you found the elusive sixth orifice and you did nothing with it?


She musta used it a lot before me. It was pretty big. I was afraid it would start talking.
 
2012-05-30 01:51:37 PM  
He ate large portions of food. He would eat cereal out of mixing bowls. He would go through a whole box in one sitting. He would eat a pancake in one or two bites. He ate a whole turkey in one day. Most people eat one hot dog, maybe two. He would eat 7. For lunch he would eat 5 or 6 sandwiches. I couldn't deal with it anymore. He was already close to 300 pounds and didn't care about getting fatter. Had to let him go.
 
2012-05-30 01:52:15 PM  

AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

What is wrong with you?


The question remains.

What is wrong with you?
 
2012-05-30 01:52:24 PM  
I broke up with a guy once because he had 4 dogs,a black lab, a chow, a doberman, and something undetermined that he insisted on taking everywhere.

I had a guy break up with me once who said it was because I read too much.
 
2012-05-30 01:52:29 PM  

miss marla singer: Iggymac: miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.

All very good reasons......but I have to ask....why\how do you attract such men folk?

Self-esteem issues, mostly (as far as the alcoholics go). That's better now.

I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and see the best in even the suckiest people. It has come around to bite me plenty of times. My fault for being like that, but also their fault for being terrible people.

Oh well, live and learn. Not proud of much of my past, but certainly okay with how I've become.


Cool - glad it s working out.
 
2012-05-30 01:52:42 PM  
Jocundry:

But for most women, you just need to scrub.

Most women I've known fairly well didn't even need to scrub. Just a quick once over with a soapy hand at most, and then only when she's getting over a heavy period or a yeast infection. (Admittedly those don;t smell good but I avoid the subject then anyway.)

Again, where do you dredge these monsters up?
 
2012-05-30 01:52:44 PM  

namegoeshere: I got married before the whole texting era, so I have a question for the youngun daters in here: What is the text ettiquite for the newly dating? I have a girlfriend who recently reentered the dating scene. She's pretty nice looking, smart, funny, and has a good career, yet she's having terrible luck with the whole dating thing. She has no trouble attracting guys. The first few dates go well, then he backs way off. Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

This seems excessive to me. Is that normal now? It'd drive me farking nuts, but like I said, I've been married for a while.


I don't think there's really a number of texts requirement...like in the old days there wasn't a requisite number of times you had to call them per week. Is she the type that wants 4-5 texts a day, but once she gets them, "feels smothered" by the guy? If so, she's a coont. If not, she's a tad clingy. If you have to tell someone to call or text you X number of times per day, it becomes a chore and they stop caring how you feel....

me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.
 
2012-05-30 01:54:48 PM  

SundaesChild: His favorite band was Skinny Puppy, he was a frat boy, and the first and only time we had sex he prematurely ejaculated and that was it for that guy.


That's a compliment unless he couldn't keep going... The band/frat thing, however...
 
2012-05-30 01:54:50 PM  
I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing
 
2012-05-30 01:56:01 PM  

Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.


does not compute
 
2012-05-30 01:56:59 PM  

Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing


again, does not compute

/when it comes to bjs, no such thing as excessive or too often
 
2012-05-30 01:57:12 PM  

Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

What is wrong with you?

The question remains.

What is wrong with you?


Because sex was a REALLY weird experience, with this young (like a child's) voice making exclamations with every thrust.
I would have needed psycho-therapy to continue with that.
 
2012-05-30 01:57:37 PM  
ihatedumbpeople: my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

mikepatton.altervista.orgView Full Size


Why does man go to hooker
First of all because
He quite often is not all that happy and sexual satisfied at home
His wife won't perform all the activities he has in mind
And most of all, oral sex is a taboo
The woman would say 'what do you think I am, a whore
I don't want to do that

...

Most of them come to a hooker and say
My wife oh my wife is she dead in bed
She's frigid, cold as a starfish
They take off the pants
And their underpants
There's nothing more ridiculous than a guy with his party socks on
He dives into the bedroom
He says "Do me!", suck it !
 
2012-05-30 01:57:40 PM  

Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing


I was about to say how you doin?

Then I saw that you're engaged now. So it's more like

thaddeusktsim.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 01:58:02 PM  
The silliest reason?


I was an insecure asshole.


That's it.

Much better now.
 
2012-05-30 01:58:27 PM  
Too hairy?

Dated a CIA agent in the 70s like that, and made her wear Kashmir leg warmers when we did it. She took me around the world, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.


I have 20 upfront questions that need to be asked before the first date, and guarantee I won't get stuck in a sticky thing with a crazy one.
But most biatches get to running at question 3, 7 or 9.
3 being do you have any STDs?
7 being the degree of kink I can expect,
and 9, well, forget it, I'm not putting #9 out there for your ridicule, you'll be pissed enough I demand satisfaction on 3 and 7 first.

Biatches be cruel.
 
2012-05-30 01:58:27 PM  

AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

What is wrong with you?

The question remains.

What is wrong with you?

Because sex was a REALLY weird experience, with this young (like a child's) voice making exclamations with every thrust.
I would have needed psycho-therapy to continue with that.


Feel free to send me her phone #, email address, facebook profile. You know..

Whatever you got.
 
2012-05-30 02:00:39 PM  

SushiJoe: Not me, but I had a friend who broke up with a guy because he bushed his teeth in front of her.

I think those kinds of frivolous breakups stop with age and maturity.


Interesting. When I was in college I broke up with a girl who, for what ever reason, decided to stop brushing her teeth. The weird part is she was studying to become a dental tech.

Maybe I just have a weird clean teeth fetish. About five years ago, I started keeping about 10 extra toothbrushes on hand. As things progress, before we go to my bedroom I tell the young lady that I am going to brush my teeth.

Near exact exchange follows in every instance:

Me: I have an extra new tooth brush, do you want to brush your teeth too?

Her: Yes.

Me: (Pulling out about 10 new tooth brushes.) What color do you want?

Her: (Picks color, takes tooth brush.) Do you do this a lot?

Me: No.

Her: (Brushes teeth.) What should I do with my tooth brush?

Me: Put in the glass with mine.

Her: What will you do if you have another girl up here?

Me: I will hide it until the next time you come over or I will throw it away and give you a new one.

Her: I thought you would say that.

-----

Second time they come to my apartment.

Me: Let's brush our teeth then go to my bedroom.

Her: Where is my tooth brush?

Me: I used it to scrub the cracks between the tiles on my bathroom floor. I threw it out when I was done. I figured you would probably prefer a new one.
 
2012-05-30 02:01:15 PM  

lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.


I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.


Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...
 
2012-05-30 02:01:58 PM  

NinjaSocks: BusketsMcBride: And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.

That bumper sticker is right. Vegetarians taste better.


I don't think this is exactly what you mean, but...

I dated a vegan girl in college, and I swear, her vajayjay was delicious. I could've lived down there. You are what you eat!

/csb
 
2012-05-30 02:03:44 PM  
wholedamnshow:

I certainly have no issue dropping $100+ for a nice meal for a girlfriend's birthday.

Me neither, if I could spare it. (Dr Who action figures can get a bit expensive.)


Golden Corral certainly wouldn't be on my list of places to bring someone for their birthday, but if that's what would make her happy, I'd be the douche for not doing it, and an even bigger one for breaking up with her over it.

Bingo.
 
2012-05-30 02:03:55 PM  

notdorothy: I broke up with a guy once because he had 4 dogs,a black lab, a chow, a doberman, and something undetermined that he insisted on taking everywhere.

I had a guy break up with me once who said it was because I read too much.



"Whatcha readin' fer?"
 
2012-05-30 02:04:06 PM  
Broke up with the fiance aftter one hundred too many times of him not doing his share of the housework (read: 'played video games alla time').

Also he fell in love with another woman.

I gave 'em my blessing...
 
2012-05-30 02:04:22 PM  

lennavan: crzybtch: Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

First guy was insecure. Were you teenagers at the time?

crzybtch: (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech)

Just an FYI - anecdotes tell me for the woman, if you can get past the mental weirdness part, physically it's a terrific time to have sex. Every girlfriend I've had is like you, who didn't want to be touched that time of the month so I've never done it that time... on purpose. But plenty where she (and sometimes I) found out afterwards.


I've never found the idea disgusting, it took my last girlfriend lots of coaxing but eventually she gave in and was forever down for it, and yes it is awesome... if you don't mind doing the laundry afterwards.
 
2012-05-30 02:04:22 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: NinjaSocks: BusketsMcBride: And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.

That bumper sticker is right. Vegetarians taste better.

I don't think this is exactly what you mean, but...

I dated a vegan girl in college, and I swear, her vajayjay was delicious. I could've lived down there. You are what you eat!

/csb


While not entirely false, also not entirely true.

Yes vegan chicks taste delicious. No argument from me.

But my wife is a red meat eating, bacon loving, predator.

And she tastes better than any woman I have ever been with.
 
2012-05-30 02:05:08 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing

again, does not compute

/when it comes to bjs, no such thing as excessive or too often


You weren´t scrapping the barnacles off the hull with your teeth were you? That can get irritating.......but still does not compute
 
2012-05-30 02:06:36 PM  

Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

What is wrong with you?

The question remains.

What is wrong with you?

Because sex was a REALLY weird experience, with this young (like a child's) voice making exclamations with every thrust.
I would have needed psycho-therapy to continue with that.

Feel free to send me her phone #, email address, facebook profile. You know..

Whatever you got.


You go sit down over there, you pervert!
And send me her contact info. I'll see to if she's taken "care" of.
 
2012-05-30 02:06:38 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing

again, does not compute

/when it comes to bjs, no such thing as excessive or too often


unless....
she wasn't good at it.
 
2012-05-30 02:06:44 PM  

syzygy whizz: Broke up with the fiance aftter one hundred too many times of him not doing his share of the housework (read: 'played video games alla time').


What is that supposed to mean? I don't think you understand what's going to happen if the blue team successfully pushes the cart to the end. That doesn't count as an important task? Next you'll be telling me defending the allied base from the nazis can wait until after the dishes are done.

tf2wiki.netView Full Size
 
2012-05-30 02:07:25 PM  
He had three strikes:

1. Pronounced "faux" as "fawx."

2. Had no clue who Yitzhak Rabin was. Normally wouldn't have been a big deal but he had been assassinated the day before and it was all over the news.

3. Said he hated Sting. That was the last straw.
 
2012-05-30 02:07:26 PM  

Maverick Couch: lennavan: crzybtch: Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

First guy was insecure. Were you teenagers at the time?

crzybtch: (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech)

Just an FYI - anecdotes tell me for the woman, if you can get past the mental weirdness part, physically it's a terrific time to have sex. Every girlfriend I've had is like you, who didn't want to be touched that time of the month so I've never done it that time... on purpose. But plenty where she (and sometimes I) found out afterwards.

I've never found the idea disgusting, it took my last girlfriend lots of coaxing but eventually she gave in and was forever down for it, and yes it is awesome... if you don't mind doing the laundry afterwards.


Laundry schmaundry. That's what the shower is for.
 
2012-05-30 02:07:37 PM  

namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...


Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.
 
2012-05-30 02:07:52 PM  

vudukungfu: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Strategeryz0r: AllUpInYa: Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

What is wrong with you?

The question remains.

What is wrong with you?

Because sex was a REALLY weird experience, with this young (like a child's) voice making exclamations with every thrust.
I would have needed psycho-therapy to continue with that.

Feel free to send me her phone #, email address, facebook profile. You know..

Whatever you got.

You go sit down over there, you pervert!
And send me her contact info. I'll see to if she's taken "care" of.


Hey...

I called dibs first!
 
2012-05-30 02:10:11 PM  

Your Boss: ihatedumbpeople: Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing

again, does not compute

/when it comes to bjs, no such thing as excessive or too often

unless....
she wasn't good at it.


yeah, that's the only thing...if you're REALLY bad at it, like inflicting physical injury bad, that's one thing. but i've only had one girl that was a bit too aggressive with the nibbling and that just took a few seconds of positive reinforcement to correct.

he was either the ghey, or just young and stupid.

/i've ditched girls I thought were getting a tad too 'emotional' early on
//i'd lop off my left vas deferens to get back with a couple of 'em
 
2012-05-30 02:10:14 PM  
The only two reasons I had were. . .boring in bed and dark brown elbow patches on a light brown corduroy sport jacket.
 
2012-05-30 02:10:28 PM  
Lsherm:


I did break up with a girl at dinner once because she was being so rude to the waitress. We'd only been dating a few weeks.


THAT is a very good reason. And not only because I've dated a few waitresses or counter people and/or the daughters of same, but also because having to "outrank" anybody is bad enough without being nasty about it.
 
2012-05-30 02:10:42 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: NinjaSocks: BusketsMcBride: And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.

That bumper sticker is right. Vegetarians taste better.

I don't think this is exactly what you mean, but...

I dated a vegan girl in college, and I swear, her vajayjay was delicious. I could've lived down there. You are what you eat!

/csb


But I don´t remember eating a sexy beast?
 
2012-05-30 02:12:24 PM  

Your Boss: ihatedumbpeople: Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing

again, does not compute

/when it comes to bjs, no such thing as excessive or too often

unless....
she wasn't good at it.


I don't wanna brag or anything, but I've heard "best I've ever had" a good amount of times.
Actually, I think he was intimidated because like I said, it was a high school relationship. And he was younger than me. (I was 18, he was 16)

/at that point I started dating older men only
 
2012-05-30 02:14:34 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...

Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.


Why six months?
 
2012-05-30 02:15:21 PM  
Thanks! I am still blushing! hahaha

FYI - He ended up with a girl who acted like Miss Purity USA and she was really a slut who had banged all his friends first! I love Karma!!

SweetSilverBlues: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

1. Don't be embarrassed.

2. Dude who broke up with you is a farking MORAN and will end up marrying someone frigid. Because that way he knows they're pure.

 
2012-05-30 02:15:33 PM  

Strategeryz0r: Hey...

I called dibs first!


I'll take care of your delicious wife ;)
 
2012-05-30 02:17:41 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: Strategeryz0r: Hey...

I called dibs first!

I'll take care of your delicious wife ;)


Well..

She is tastey, but she's kind of a prude too. Been trying to figure out how to break her of that for eons now. Just when I think things will improve, she reverts right back to her prudeyness.
 
2012-05-30 02:17:49 PM  

KawaiiNot: 9. Broke a law on our first date and the night ended with me being grilled at the police station


I think we need to hear more about this one.
 
2012-05-30 02:17:52 PM  
Thanks! I really felt bad about it at the time....now, older and wiser, I know it is truly a gift!

Iggymac: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

If I ever broke up with a girl because of that I would expect my friends to kill me. Slowly and painfully.

It´s just all sorts of wrong.

 
2012-05-30 02:18:13 PM  
I can't believe I read this whole dang thing.

I can explain the #2 reason pretty easily. It's your fault. You male type people. If you want us to be thin, in shape and/or healthy, don't freak out so much when we control our diets to make it happen. And don't try to convince me to eat the same bacon sammich as you either.

Cooking 2 meals, one for me and one for you, grows to be annoying after a while, whether I'm cooking or you are.
 
2012-05-30 02:20:12 PM  
She tried giving me syphilis by wiping her cock on my sandwich.
 
2012-05-30 02:20:16 PM  

namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...

Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.

Why six months?


Maybe his cell mate is the jealous type?
 
2012-05-30 02:21:03 PM  
I broke up with S____ because she wouldn't tell me the other letters in her name.
 
2012-05-30 02:21:19 PM  

miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.


Wow, you have some serious issues lady. That is pretty consistent pick of the same looser. You really need to try to date someone you don't immediately find attractive. I would be willing to bet they do not turn out to be a criminal/alcoholic.
 
2012-05-30 02:22:12 PM  
Oh NOW you tell me! hahahaha
Seriously, had to have everything taken out because of cancer in the family. Don't miss it AT ALL!

lennavan: crzybtch: Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

First guy was insecure. Were you teenagers at the time?

crzybtch: (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech)

Just an FYI - anecdotes tell me for the woman, if you can get past the mental weirdness part, physically it's a terrific time to have sex. Every girlfriend I've had is like you, who didn't want to be touched that time of the month so I've never done it that time... on purpose. But plenty where she (and sometimes I) found out afterwards.

 
2012-05-30 02:22:25 PM  

namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...

Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.

Why six months?


sorry...that was a "that's how long your average divorce takes to complete" joke a lot of folks probably didn't get. ;-)
 
2012-05-30 02:22:26 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SmellsLikePoo: Strategeryz0r: Hey...

I called dibs first!

I'll take care of your delicious wife ;)

Well..

She is tastey, but she's kind of a prude too. Been trying to figure out how to break her of that for eons now. Just when I think things will improve, she reverts right back to her prudeyness.


I hear ya. I'm married to a lovely lass, that when the mood strikes is tons of fun,etc,etc... but that prudish streak is there. I'm sure her religious upbringing has something to do with it.

/sharing in public is fun!
 
2012-05-30 02:24:44 PM  

Jadedgrl: Your Boss: ihatedumbpeople: Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing

again, does not compute

/when it comes to bjs, no such thing as excessive or too often

unless....
she wasn't good at it.

I don't wanna brag or anything, but I've heard "best I've ever had" a good amount of times.
Actually, I think he was intimidated because like I said, it was a high school relationship. And he was younger than me. (I was 18, he was 16)

/at that point I started dating older men only


Not to cheapen the moment, but when guys finish, was always the best we've ever had.
/Fark takes the honesty turn... Let's see who's watching...
 
2012-05-30 02:25:22 PM  
The current GF broke up with her last BF because of dietary differences. She tried to be understanding, but he went overboard with it. It got so they could never go out to eat together, and they ate separately at home too. It got so they hardly ever spent time together because he was always exercising (part of his diet plan).

Good thing I am a fat slob.
 
2012-05-30 02:27:39 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: Strategeryz0r: SmellsLikePoo: Strategeryz0r: Hey...

I called dibs first!

I'll take care of your delicious wife ;)

Well..

She is tastey, but she's kind of a prude too. Been trying to figure out how to break her of that for eons now. Just when I think things will improve, she reverts right back to her prudeyness.

I hear ya. I'm married to a lovely lass, that when the mood strikes is tons of fun,etc,etc... but that prudish streak is there. I'm sure her religious upbringing has something to do with it.

/sharing in public is fun!


Somewhat religious upbringing, deadbeat dad who left her/her mom, abusive past with boyfriends. Basically she's a trifecta of male trust issues. She lightens up, then freaks out.

then lightens up
then freaks out.

it's a revolving door of tolerable insanity most days.

Though we've breached the "we should get a divorce" threshold a couple of times. Yet my stupid sense of obligation keeps dragging me back.
 
2012-05-30 02:29:21 PM  

Kazrath: miss marla singer: Let's see a few reasons I had...

- Was a drug addict/alcoholic that stole my money and spent it on drugs/booze when I was supporting us both, making $8.00 an hour. Kicked him out, he's dead now.
- I met someone else.
- There was no "spark".
- Super boring in bed. Made no noise and didn't like when I did either.
- Found out he was scamming money out of the state for "disability" for a "mental handicap" that he was then spending on alcohol.
- Stopped being attracted to him and hadn't had sex in 5 months.

I think those are all okay reasons.

Wow, you have some serious issues lady. That is pretty consistent pick of the same looser. You really need to try to date someone you don't immediately find attractive. I would be willing to bet they do not turn out to be a criminal/alcoholic.


Uh, right. THanks for the advice (that I already stated myself...).
 
2012-05-30 02:29:23 PM  

Finger51: She tried giving me syphilis by wiping her cock on my sandwich.


Congrats, I'm pretty sure that's the first SPK reference I've seen on fark.

Rightfully obscure, too.
 
2012-05-30 02:29:41 PM  

Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.


Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.
 
2012-05-30 02:32:26 PM  

crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.


A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!
 
2012-05-30 02:32:28 PM  

sycraft: SweetSilverBlues: 1. Don't be embarrassed.

2. Dude who broke up with you is a farking MORAN and will end up marrying someone frigid. Because that way he knows they're pure.

Never got the obsession with purity. I want a dirty girl who knows what she wants and can show me all sorts of cool shiat. Yes that is going to mean she's been with many other guys. Why would that bother me in the slightest?


WORD.

It's even fine she's openly non-monogamous when we're dating, as long as she doesn't insist on a threesome with some guy or gal I can't stand. A good way to get on my bad side is to insult my woman for getting around, even when I'm not her "primary."

I remember being very relieved when I dated my first woman who did what "normal" guys are expected to do. What's good for the gander is good for the goose.

And, like, I'm old as the hills now but if any hot fartkettes might have something new to show me...
 
2012-05-30 02:32:31 PM  
I came out of the bathroom and she had run to her car and driven off.
 
2012-05-30 02:33:33 PM  
crzybtch
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.


Sandy? More like Handy, amirite?

/come on....everyone clicked your profile.
 
2012-05-30 02:34:45 PM  
Jocundry:

I've also never been pregnant

Me neither.
 
2012-05-30 02:34:55 PM  
I was dating a girl on the weekends when i came home to San Diego from where I was stationed. I broke up with her because in one week she had moved to Oxnard and married some guy. Reason enough?
 
2012-05-30 02:35:19 PM  
A list of reasons I ended it.

His name was Scott. My ex was named Scott and I shuddered every time I said his name.

He was a PETA member.

He chewed with his mouth open.

He was an asshole to the waitress.

He wanted to marry me...not for me but because he wanted to live in the country.

He wouldn't spank me.
 
2012-05-30 02:35:23 PM  

namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day


Cool. shoot me her contact info.
I don't have a cell phone. I'll just hit it and quit it.
 
2012-05-30 02:38:15 PM  
AllUpInYa:

Psycho (5'4", 100lb and SPLITS a cast iron skillet open during an argument) big-breased (real), bi-sexual, Chinese girl who spent at least an hour a day, talking to her mother. The worst part was that she had this soft voice that would get high-pitched, like a little girl's, during sex ... made it tough to maintain an erection without feeling creepy as hell about myself.

Send her here. I'm hard of hearing, especially on the high "like a little girl's" end.
 
2012-05-30 02:39:19 PM  
She was cheating on me, tried to have me murdered, stole my truck and destroyed my finances.

/remarried now to the fun kind of crazy
 
2012-05-30 02:39:22 PM  

wynper: He wouldn't spank me.


Line starts here. I'm first!
 
2012-05-30 02:39:36 PM  

busy chillin': crzybtch
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.


Sandy? More like Handy, amirite?

/come on....everyone clicked your profile.


Beat me to it!

Since you're a dude.. HIGH FIVE!
 
2012-05-30 02:40:36 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: The One True TheDavid: ihatedumbpeople:

my wife is a prude and sucks in bed.

Did you know this before you married her? If so, why did you?

I lived with a chick for 9 years because she'd have made a good sister. But then I'm mentally ill.

nah, actually before we got married she was completely different.

Since then she's actually admitted she put up a front to lure me in. Just about the time I was ready to bolt, she got preggars because she let her pill prescrip lapse without telling me.


All that's grounds for murder in my book.


/kids are the best thing though, only reason it's all worth it.

"I love children. Boiled."
 
2012-05-30 02:40:56 PM  

honeygrl: Oh I also went on a date with a guy who managed to say the word "titties" at least 50 times throughout the date. There was not a second date.


wow, if you couldn't keep a creep like that attracted enough to you in order for him to ask for a second date, I need to know... What did *you* do wrong?
 
2012-05-30 02:42:19 PM  
umad:

I guess we are all supposed to be bisexual these days in order to remain politically correct.

No no no. Just don't be a homophobic asshole, is all.
 
2012-05-30 02:42:35 PM  
Let's see ... stupid reason to break up with someone...

I broke up with my high school sweetheart a month after she graduated. I made her choose between me and her drug-addict friends.

She chose to get high instead of showing up for our (last) date.
 
2012-05-30 02:42:57 PM  

vudukungfu: Too hairy?

Dated a CIA agent in the 70s like that, and made her wear Kashmir leg warmers when we did it. She took me around the world, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.


I have 20 upfront questions that need to be asked before the first date, and guarantee I won't get stuck in a sticky thing with a crazy one.
But most biatches get to running at question 3, 7 or 9.
3 being do you have any STDs?
7 being the degree of kink I can expect,
and 9, well, forget it, I'm not putting #9 out there for your ridicule, you'll be pissed enough I demand satisfaction on 3 and 7 first.

Biatches be cruel.


Why would you ask about #3? Are you collecting them or something?
 
2012-05-30 02:43:19 PM  
Hot Blue Chip Guy:

When I was 30, I dated a girl twice who was 23. I went to pick her up for a dinner date, and she was wearing her HS PROM DRESS... Weird man!

I only fit into mine once.
 
2012-05-30 02:43:28 PM  
Can #1 include Jesus as the proverbial "Someone else"?

Because that bastard has ruined more relationships than any other reason.

Link
 
2012-05-30 02:44:27 PM  

The One True TheDavid: umad:

I guess we are all supposed to be bisexual these days in order to remain politically correct.

No no no. Just don't be a homophobic asshole, is all.


What was homophobic about it?
 
2012-05-30 02:44:39 PM  

thetubameister: SundaesChild: His favorite band was Skinny Puppy, he was a frat boy, and the first and only time we had sex he prematurely ejaculated and that was it for that guy.

That's a compliment unless he couldn't keep going... The band/frat thing, however...


He didn't keep going.
 
2012-05-30 02:45:39 PM  

busy chillin': crzybtch
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.


Sandy? More like Handy, amirite?

/come on....everyone clicked your profile.


I didn't even know you could do that!!!! I am at work and people keep walking by and asking why my face is so red!

Luckily all my friends call me Dee Dee....

And actually if my friends knew they would be SHOCKED that

A. I read FARK every day
B. That I am a freak in the bed (actually tables work so much better for my Handy Sandy work, if you must know)
C. That I would admit my deepest secret on the Intarweb!!!!

Going to go hide under my desk now!
 
2012-05-30 02:46:34 PM  
she made the room smell like a burned out clutch...
 
2012-05-30 02:47:50 PM  

Jadedgrl: I once got dumped from a guy who complained I wanted to blow him too often.
Any guy I've told about that looks absolutely befuddled.
Then he proceeded to date a friend of mine who was an ugly man stealer, and she eventually had to have surgery because her vagina was the size of a Chinese finger trap. Like she practically had nothing there.
And of course, eventually pleaded with me to take him back once he realized what an idiot he is.

/ah, high school relationships
//engaged now, fiancée has no problem with excessive BJing


Is he the excessively jealous type?
 
2012-05-30 02:47:59 PM  

RangerTaylor: blueyd1: We were at a dance club with a group of friends. He was with his buddies at the bar while I was dancing with all the girlfriends. No funny business, nothing risque, just fun dancing.

He called me over, leaned in to give me a kiss and stabbed my lip with the toothpick he had hidden in his mouth. As I'm grasping my bleeding lip/gum, he whispers, "That's for dancing like a whore so that my friends would watch you."

I broke his nose, he got kicked out and I went back to dancing. :-)

Wow, he sounds like a real winner. Did he get back on the plane to Tehran and/or Pennsyltucky?


Yeah, he was a real charmer. He claimed he was from Chicago, but I'm thinking his roots lay in Pennsyltucky. Thankfully it was only our third date that his craziness made an appearance, so I didn't waste too much time with him. Farking psycho.

URAPNIS: What. The. Fark?

Those were my exact words right before I clocked him.
 
2012-05-30 02:50:01 PM  
AllUpInYa:

Because sex was a REALLY weird experience, with this young (like a child's) voice making exclamations with every thrust.
I would have needed psycho-therapy to continue with that.


"Wipe your bloody dick off on its teddy bear."


Do Fark comments ever get deleted?
 
2012-05-30 02:51:32 PM  

wynper: A list of reasons I ended it.

His name was Scott. My ex was named Scott and I shuddered every time I said his name.

He was a PETA member.

He chewed with his mouth open.

He was an asshole to the waitress.

He wanted to marry me...not for me but because he wanted to live in the country.

He wouldn't spank me.


All perfectly crommulent reasons,my dear.
Come sit on uncle vudu's lap and tell me how I can make you feel better.
 
2012-05-30 02:52:17 PM  
One girl went into the bathroom to "freshen up" I went in after to take a dump. She left a log in there I would have been proud of. I don't know why I couldn't go through with it.
We got together a few months later and right after sleeping with her she got a call from her parents, they got too drunk and needed a ride. We pulled up to the bar just in time to watch her dad fall off the balcony crack his skull open and spill his brains, yes really.
 
2012-05-30 02:54:11 PM  

ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...

Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.

Why six months?

sorry...that was a "that's how long your average divorce takes to complete" joke a lot of folks probably didn't get. ;-)


Duh... yeah, that makes sense. I was going with,"I would never break up with her while she's pregnant. That would be rude!"
 
2012-05-30 02:55:06 PM  
I broke up with one ex-girlfriend because:

1) She was not only vegan but also deathly allergic to dairy and nuts. It was impossible to go out to dinner with her and she would be embarrassing loud about how she couldn't eat anything.

2) She shaved her hoo-ha clean but refused to shave her armpit hair.

3) She ejaculated when she had an orgasm. At first I didn't mind but it just got to be too much and the bed would be soaked all night so we ended up only doing it on the floor or in the shower which leads to the last reason...

4) Once in the shower she asked me to pee on her face and then stick it in her pooper.
 
2012-05-30 02:55:12 PM  

namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...

Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.

Why six months?

sorry...that was a "that's how long your average divorce takes to complete" joke a lot of folks probably didn't get. ;-)

Duh... yeah, that makes sense. I was going with,"I would never break up with her while she's pregnant. That would be rude!"


I got his joke with the divorce angle the first time I read it. But your interpretation is much more hilarious.
 
2012-05-30 02:57:19 PM  

lennavan: namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: ihatedumbpeople: namegoeshere: lennavan: namegoeshere: Then she tells me she expects a good morning text, a good night text, and a couple of "whatcha doin?" texts throughout the day.

Your friend has emotional baggage/attachment/daddy issues.

namegoeshere: The first few dates go well, then he backs way off.

Sounds like it only takes the guys a few dates to figure it out.

I thought that sounded off. I wish I could think of a tactful way to tell her to tone it down and spare her some heartache.

ihatedumbpeople: me personally, i'd be enamored if a girl sent me a few texts per day asking how I was doing...Maybe they're bored and what to chat, maybe they're checking up on you...who cares.

Are you single? Because I've got this friend you should meet...

Is your friend hot? I can be single in about 6 months.

Why six months?

sorry...that was a "that's how long your average divorce takes to complete" joke a lot of folks probably didn't get. ;-)

Duh... yeah, that makes sense. I was going with,"I would never break up with her while she's pregnant. That would be rude!"

I got his joke with the divorce angle the first time I read it. But your interpretation is much more hilarious.


yeah, though 9 months would have made it more obvious.
 
2012-05-30 02:59:58 PM  

Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!


Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)
 
2012-05-30 03:01:01 PM  
Sewer-Mouth.

Everytime we made out it was like something crawled into my mouth and died. It would take forever for the smell to go away, even after multiple tooth scrubbing and mouthwash sessions.

Nice guy, but I had to dump him before the rot migrated permanently into my own mouth.
 
2012-05-30 03:02:05 PM  
These are just 10 different ways of saying "I'm not in love with you."
 
2012-05-30 03:02:28 PM  
One girl I dated had a foot 1 shoe size larger than the other... that was a strange deal breaker for me.

I was interested in a girl in university until I found out her name was Patty. What a terrible name, its such a boner killer just saying it. My fiancee's name is Madonna. Although I felt like a deranged celebrity stalker when I first told coworkers I was going on a date with Madonna, it does add to her hotness factor. Patty, despite being a cute girl, does the opposite.
 
2012-05-30 03:02:42 PM  

crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)


Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*
 
2012-05-30 03:02:48 PM  

xdedd: I broke up with one ex-girlfriend because:


4) Once in the shower she asked me to pee on her face and then stick it in her pooper.


Go on....
 
2012-05-30 03:03:05 PM  

vudukungfu: wynper: A list of reasons I ended it.

His name was Scott. My ex was named Scott and I shuddered every time I said his name.

He was a PETA member.

He chewed with his mouth open.

He was an asshole to the waitress.

He wanted to marry me...not for me but because he wanted to live in the country.

He wouldn't spank me.

All perfectly crommulent reasons,my dear.
Come sit on bend over uncle vudu's lap and tell me how I can make you feel better.


FTFY
 
2012-05-30 03:03:34 PM  
Too extroverted. Spent more time talking to random people at restaurants, movie theater, etc., than to me. Annoyed the HELL outta me. Short relationship.

/introvert
 
2012-05-30 03:05:13 PM  
Not a "I dumped them cuz" thing, but what the hell.

Got a call from a drama queen friend of mine. She's weepy because she thinks her boyfriend of six whole months wants to break up with her.

"But I luuuuuuuuuuurve him," she moaned. "I can't looooooooooose him. Do you think I should say I'm pregnant to keep him?"

After a bit of excessive blinking, I respond with, "What the fark is wrong with you?"

"I know I'm not, but we always use condoms, so I'm sure I can get pregnant. I just need to make him stay!"

"You are farking insane and need therapy. Get rid of this guy before I have you committed myself."

She hung up on me.

He later posted on FB how she was pregnant.

I commented that he needed to take her to a doctor's office the next day and get her tested.

The next day his status was changed to Single and she removed me from her friend's list. Stupid coont.
 
2012-05-30 03:06:19 PM  

xdedd: I broke up with one ex-girlfriend because:
4) Once in the shower she asked me to pee on her face and then stick it in her pooper.


Ugh, I don't blame you. Peeing in the shower is so disgusting.
 
2012-05-30 03:07:12 PM  
She came over once in pink jeans. Acid washed pink jeans. There is a line, people. Also, when friends were over she would stand right next to whatever chair i was sitting in. When everyone else would sit. Sit the fark down, you stupid pink biatch!
 
2012-05-30 03:07:47 PM  

Max Awesome: Sewer-Mouth.

Everytime we made out it was like something crawled into my mouth and died. It would take forever for the smell to go away, even after multiple tooth scrubbing and mouthwash sessions.

Nice guy, but I had to dump him before the rot migrated permanently into my own mouth.


"It didn't die!"

What do you think was causing it? Was it just because he never brushed his teeth? I met a girl like this a year ago, and couldn't past it, either.
 
2012-05-30 03:08:10 PM  

elysive: factoryconnection Jocundry: Huh? You lather up your pouf and well, lather up your pouf. That's about it.

Wash too little, you get smell and possibly a UTI. Wash too much, you get a yeast infection. Then there's that whole period thing, with the blood and worrying about toxic shock syndrome and leakage and chafing and whatnot. Pap smears, side effects from the pill, all sorts of things.

Sorry, I think you have been misinformed or someone has given you a scare about these things. You can't get a yeast infection from external soap and water. Douches and antibiotics and poor hygiene/diet will cause yeast infections. The whole period thing just means women have to be more rigorous in their hygiene. Toxic shock syndrome is only relevant to tampon usage (don't leave them in there too long). Pap smears are something you get once a year at the GYN office. Pills regulate your hormones and help prevent baby making but pills go in your mouth, not in your vagina. What does all of this have to do with the complications of washing one's cootch again?

And that's not even getting into fertility problems, pregnancy changes, childbirth aftereffects... although my wife has never had any problems getting pregnant, the postpartum changes noticed have been terrific, and only with her first (a non-natural delivery) were there any bad after effects.

Ok, not sure fertility or birth or birth control has anything to do with regular vaginal maintenance. Most women just wash and shave/laser/wax and that's it. Having a period and yearly exams and the need to manage our fertility (or birth control) suck, but those things barely affect our daily hygiene. The equipment is generally pretty self sufficient and easy to manage until something goes wrong. I'm sorry if it's been tough for your wife.


Are you a woman? Are you a physician? If you're a woman and you think daily hygiene is all that is needed to manage vaginal odor, you are totally disconnected from your vagina, have no sense of smell and/or someone's been lying to you when you ask them about your stank vagoo.

Yeah, the vagina is generally self-cleaning and part of that cleaning is expelling some possibly odiferous stuff that's not supposed to be there. Anything that upsets the natural balance of normal vaginal flora and fauna can cause yeast infections, baterial vaginosis and smelly discharge. Causes of this disruption can be hormonal changes (even just throughout the monthly cycle), diet, stress, semen, soap, restrictive clothing, illness, condoms, pregnancy, fertility drugs and other medications, iron supplements, commercial lubricants, to name a few.

This balance can also be disrupted by external washing. That light coat of mucus on the labia is protective. For many women stripping that off with even a mild soap everyday can cause an imbalance inside her vagina and cause fungal or baterial overgrowth. The disruption can also be idiopathic (no identifiable cause).

All women are different. Luckily, most women can tolerate washing carefully with mild soap most days but even the "cleanest" woman can have problems. Sometimes being more "rigorous" with hygiene can make cha cha funk worse. You don't need to wash everyday, people. A healthy pussy is going to smell like a pussy -- some days ok, some days not so much. Get over it.

/public health nursing
//Pain, fever, itching along with smelly discharge or persistent tuna town needs a doctor's attention.
 
2012-05-30 03:08:35 PM  

Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*


*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat.
 
2012-05-30 03:10:56 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*

*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat.


I'm gonna vote at least the okay for emailed out be given. If you post it, it might be taken down by a modmin.
 
2012-05-30 03:10:57 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*

*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat.


That's my girl.

and I rock pink..

like a man.
 
2012-05-30 03:14:43 PM  

Strategeryz0r: and I rock pink..

like a man.


All men should learn to rock the pink if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

/extra vote for sharing with the class
//I'm also a pervy wanker, so my opinion might be invalid
 
2012-05-30 03:18:18 PM  
she said my dong was too long.

hello ladies
 
2012-05-30 03:18:47 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SmellsLikePoo: NinjaSocks: BusketsMcBride: And seriously, this is # 2?

2 Our dietary habits differ too much 12%

You b*tches be crazy.

That bumper sticker is right. Vegetarians taste better.

I don't think this is exactly what you mean, but...

I dated a vegan girl in college, and I swear, her vajayjay was delicious. I could've lived down there. You are what you eat!

/csb

While not entirely false, also not entirely true.

Yes vegan chicks taste delicious. No argument from me.

But my wife is a red meat eating, bacon loving, predator.

And she tastes better than any woman I have ever been with.


It's almost as if one has thing has nothing to do with the other...
 
2012-05-30 03:18:48 PM  

lennavan: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*

*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat.

I'm gonna vote at least the okay for emailed out be given. If you post it, it might be taken down by a modmin.


Oh yes. Emailed. No reason to get baninnated. Not even for Strat rockin' the pink.

Sorry for the huge long quote, back on my phone.
 
2012-05-30 03:21:07 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: lennavan: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*

*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat.

I'm gonna vote ...


But that would require me to... unhide my email so she can send it.

What if you all are crazy stalkers?
 
2012-05-30 03:24:28 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: lennavan: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*

*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat.

I'm gonna vote ...

But that would require me to... unhide my email so she can send it.

What if you all are crazy stalkers?


Then you have a fun "I broke up with Fark because" story!
 
2012-05-30 03:24:50 PM  

PrivateCaboose: AtticusFinchEsq: Wax that shiat, woman.

Waxing is expensive and I don't like having some person all up in my junk. I keep it neat, not perpetually childlike.


That's the way to do it.
 
2012-05-30 03:25:54 PM  

Strategeryz0r: SweetSilverBlues: lennavan: SweetSilverBlues: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: Strategeryz0r: crzybtch: My face is turning red telling this story, but here goes....

So I am a creative type, make things out of clay, draw, paint, yada, yada.

Give me any kind of task and my creativity just comes pouring out of nowhere.

So....it was that time of the month (sorry, I never could have sex during that time...blech) and boyfriend was all horny so I decided to give him a creative massage. Well...I worked Mr. Willie 18 kinda ways and then some. Later the guy broke up with me and I really had no idea why. I mean I thought we were really compatable?!

Found out from one of his friends later that he thought I was a "professional" because of the creative hand job!!

Was okay though because the next boyfriend thought I was a goddess because of the same art. He always told me I should teach a class! hahaha

You may not be a professional...

But would you like to be? You have piqued my curiosity madame.

Don't tempt me!!!

A. I am probably old enough to be your Mother (shame on you young man!)
B. I come with enough baggage to fill an airport
C. You would probably end up like the last guy, you never want to do me because you can't quit begging for an another hand job.

A) And? I like older women with the appropriate look.

B) Sweet, that's how I like em. Emotionally and morally damaged!

c) Nah, I promise!

Since I have no idea how to read a profile and/or not enough mental memory to keep track of who's who (and I have been enjoying the sweet, sweet freedom of being single too much)....can I have a vote of all the readers who think Strategeryz0r
deserves a written detailed description of my handiwork? :o)

Honestly, it would be a disservice to the fark community for you to write a detailed description of your handiwork and send it only to me.

Who votes she shares with the class??

*raises hand*

*raises hand*

Just cuz you're in such a lovely shade of pink, Strat ...


If you don't unhide your email, how do you ever get BIE?
 
2012-05-30 03:26:33 PM  

SweetSilverBlues: But that would require me to... unhide my email so she can send it.

What if you all are crazy stalkers?

Then you have a fun "I broke up with Fark because" story!


But I don't wanna break up with Fark....

As I sit here, fighting on my phone with the wife(for the 3rd time in 3 days... for real...). Fark is one of the few things that genuinely makes me smile these days :(

/*sniffle*
//I love you guys.
///not loving my delicious, yet