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Fruit truck experiences an explosion of flavor, Starbuck inconsolable as Vermont bans fracking, and Lindsay Lohan's rented bolthole: some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 5/13 - 5/19
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-05-22 6:48:15 PM (6 comments) | Permalink

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1731 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 May 2012 at 6:51 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Here are the usual suspects for this week. Enjoy.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-05-13 to Sat 2012-05-19:

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  Buffalo rampages through house, streets and kindergarten. Still can't win Super Bowl    
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  Fruit truck bursts into flames. IT'S AN EXPLOSION OF FLAVOR    
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  "Man gets 15 days for masturbating at Zellers." That's a lot of masturbation days    
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  Four Alabama men fined for stealing cultural artifacts. In other news, proof now exists that at some time in the remote past, there was actually some culture in Alabama    
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  Couple commits suicide in a cemetery. Sad, yet convenient    
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  Mother outraged that a teacher allegedly molested her 16-year-old son. Father also complains that his shoulder is sore from all the high-fiving    
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  Fisherman's body found at lake. He was ten feet tall and 700 pounds    
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  LIRR train kills man. Earth on verge of war with Omicron Persei 8    
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  "Police search for three armed men in home invasion." STANDARD HANDCUFFS WON'T WORK, PEOPLE    
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  Man who sewed son's buttocks shut avoids any time in the hole    
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  Woman injured as rock smashes into bus window. This tragedy could have been avoided if she had paper    
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Sports:

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  Dale Hunter steps down as coach of Washington Capitals. Team captain Alex Ovechkin looking forward to playing more than 15 minutes a game    
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  Kurt Busch, who lost his ride at Penske following a series of outbursts last season is fined $50,000, placed on probation following his actions at Darlington. Furthermore, his ride has now been replaced with a 1994 Buick Skylark with no AC    
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  Manny Pacquiao against gay marriage, and this coming from a guy who hits on other men for a living    
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Geek:

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  Scientists now using body heat as an energy source. In a related story, Sofia Vergara has been reclassified as a nuclear reactor    
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  North American fish populations slowly crawling back from disaster. Let's see if we can get them to crawl towards the tartar sauce    
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  Woman claims bungee facelift invention took 10 years off her face -- but c'mon, that's quite a stretch    
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Entertainment:

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  Taylor Swift fans miss concert because of drunk driver. Weeping messenger bluebirds dispatched; Swift's woodland headquarters immediately goes on Rainbow Alert    
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  WTF Headline of the Day: "Lindsay Lohan embraces love of old school Hollywood glamour by renting $25,000 a month Beverly Hills bolthole"......Oh, BOLThole    
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  Axl Rose suffers nasty injuries to one of his SHA-NA-NA-NA SHA-NA-NA-NA SHA-NA-NA-NA KNEES, KNEEEEEEEEEEEES    
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Politics:

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  "Sodomy is not a Civil Right." - Bob Marshall (R-Va.), subby's wife    
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  Arizona Sec of State to Hawaii "Can you prove Obama was really born in your state?" Hawaii "Can you prove you are really Secretary of State?"    
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  Arizona Senate candidate: Special Forces medic, wounded in Vietnam? Check. Heroic former sheriff? Check. Rappelled from helicopter to save snowbound crash victims? Check. Democrat? Ooh, so close    
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Business:

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  Your Yahoo search "CEO" yielded no results    
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  Goodwill gets a new CEO. Early reports suggest she was lured in by an extremely generous used sweater and broken TV compensation package    
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  Vermont bans fracking. Starbuck inconsolable    
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· · ·

6 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-05-22 07:03:20 PM  
I read that as Lindsey Lohans rented butthole.
 
2012-05-22 07:11:37 PM  

Richard Johnson: I read that as Lindsey Lohans rented butthole.


thatsthejoke.jpg
 
2012-05-22 07:19:49 PM  
I actually laughed OL at the tartar sauce one
 
2012-05-22 07:48:38 PM  
Hey, got a couple in there this week.
 
2012-05-22 08:04:04 PM  
Richard Johnson:
I read that as Lindsey Lohans rented butthole.

As did everyone, I'm sure. The question is... is she renting out the one she has, or is she renting someone else's? If so, does she heel her own beefs down the drain, or does she have an employee to do that for her? These questions keep me up at night.
 
2012-05-23 03:23:49 AM  
Wow, two literal laugh out loud headlines for me - Axl Rose, and the rock/paper jokes :-)
 
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