FARK.com: (7069249) Judge rules that you can't pay someone to masturbate in Utah, a state that I didn't even know had emissions standards

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		Judge rules that you can't pay someone to masturbate in Utah, a state that I didn't even know had emissions standards ( blogs.sfweekly.com)		104
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10232 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Apr 2012 at 7:12 AM (5 years ago) | Favorite | share:

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Kaka

2012-04-25 09:15:52 AM

StoPPeRmobile: Is buying dinner still legal?

Not if she jerks you off before during or after....

Hunter_S_Thompson

2012-04-25 09:17:48 AM

Alphax: Human trafficking is still a problem, here in America today. (NPR was covering a Eric Holder's focus on the problem this morning) But that has nothing to do with the story in the link.

Eric Holder is the expert in trafficking, after all. I wouldn't trust a weather report from NPR. Always just some blowhard telling us what we should feel guilty about today. It's like Rush Limbaugh, for liberals.

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros

2012-04-25 09:18:14 AM

I expect people to take the law into their own hands.

Madaynun

2012-04-25 09:22:56 AM

i tried to read the article, but I kept seeing weird Utah boobies.

(1)(c)

RobSeace

2012-04-25 09:23:48 AM

A person is guilty of sexual solicitation when the person . . . with intent to engage in sexual activity for a fee or pay another person to commit any sexual activity for a fee engages in, offers or agrees to engage in, or requests or directs another to engage in any of the following acts: (i) exposure of a person's genitals, the buttocks, the anus, the pubic area, or the female breast below the top of the areola;

So, strip clubs are illegal there, as well? Or, do they have those lame network television show style strip clubs where all the strippers just wear bikinis or pasties or some stupid shiat?

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 09:24:01 AM

Hunter_S_Thompson: BurnShrike: Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.

The only people who I find getting uptight about sex are the ones who either aren't getting any or are complete sicko perverts who are always a day away from "Having a seat over there".

You forgot the ones who have been taught by their religion that sex is dirty.

ManRay

2012-04-25 09:25:21 AM

Does this mean myfreecams has to block Utah IPs now?

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros

2012-04-25 09:25:29 AM

spentmiles: The last time I went to a prostitute for a blow job, I poked out one of her eyes.

She didn't seem too mad about it--she said she'd keep an eye out for you.

Wholesale Ass

2012-04-25 09:26:57 AM

Masturbating is fun. It's a fun thing to do and it feels good. I would never pay someone to do it. We can do it together and enjoy each other. For free

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 09:29:07 AM

Wholesale Ass: Masturbating is fun. It's a fun thing to do and it feels good. I would never pay someone to do it. We can do it together and enjoy each other. For free

*clicks profile*

No thanks. I'll have to charge you for the service.

Three Crooked Squirrels

2012-04-25 09:29:32 AM

Not only did Benson critique this section as "circular, unnecessary, and mere surplusage," she found the phrase . . .

Just an FYI, Dee Benson is a man. Not germane to this discussion, just thought I'd let you know.

JackieRabbit

2012-04-25 09:31:07 AM

Forget it, Jake; it's Mormons.

Jake Havechek

2012-04-25 09:35:09 AM

Dirk: So, you want five or ten?
Jack Horner: What?
Dirk: Well, if you just wanna see me jack off, it's ten. But if you just wanna look at it, it's only five.

Magorn

2012-04-25 09:39:23 AM

BurnShrike: Traditional marriage is prostitution.

The male provides money, shelter, and well-being to the wife, and in return she takes care of the house-hold, children, and provides sex. It's a simple trade that's been working for our species since well before we were even Homo Sapiens.

To have laws outlawing the more obvious cases of trading sex for something is not only asinine, but completely counter to the way we're wired.

Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.

Only if you assume:

a) the only exchange going on is money for sex
b) the male is providing 100% of the household income
c) and that the only reason the woman is having sex with the man is to obtain that income

So I'mma gonna go ahead and assume you ar single and likely to stay that way a while more.

LarryDan43

2012-04-25 09:45:56 AM

To do this is Utah you have to set it up as a work from home opportunity. Pass out invitations to your Original Orgasms party. Get all your friends to come over with a free gift of a small vial of lube. True, in order to make any real money you will have to recruit people into your downline, but it is so rewarding being your own boss.

Mormons love pyramid schemes.

Oldiron_79

2012-04-25 09:46:59 AM

keylock71: roadkillontheweb: Granted it is Utah, but this shiat is spreading. 1940s here we come!

1940s? If these idiots had their way, we would be going back to the 1840s.

Um 1840s prostitution was generally legal as long as it was conducted in a brothel and not on the street, also there was no laws against any drug. You could buy morphine at the pharmacy(and later on cocaine and heroin), weed was obviously legal. So um yeah I'm totally down with 1840s laws

markfara

2012-04-25 09:47:21 AM

AirForceVet: She bop - he bop - a - we bop
I bop - you bop - a - they bop
Be bop - be bop - a - lu - she bop
Oo - oo - she - do - she bop - she bop

/Ah, what were we talking about?

I won't worry
And I won't fret
Ain't no law against it yet. . . .

Oh, wait!

Hunter_S_Thompson

2012-04-25 09:49:02 AM

BurnShrike: Hunter_S_Thompson: BurnShrike: Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.

The only people who I find getting uptight about sex are the ones who either aren't getting any or are complete sicko perverts who are always a day away from "Having a seat over there".

You forgot the ones who have been taught by their religion that sex is dirty.

Those kind usually fall into one of the two categories I listed, usually the latter.

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 09:50:26 AM

Magorn: BurnShrike: Traditional marriage is prostitution.

The male provides money, shelter, and well-being to the wife, and in return she takes care of the house-hold, children, and provides sex. It's a simple trade that's been working for our species since well before we were even Homo Sapiens.

To have laws outlawing the more obvious cases of trading sex for something is not only asinine, but completely counter to the way we're wired.

Why do so many people get so uptight about sex? We are all here as a direct result of many generations of humans farking each other's brains out. Grow up and get over it already.

Only if you assume:

a) the only exchange going on is money for sex
b) the male is providing 100% of the household income
c) and that the only reason the woman is having sex with the man is to obtain that income

So I'mma gonna go ahead and assume you ar single and likely to stay that way a while more.

I said "traditional marriage", not the way things are now. There are a great many exchanges going on, but included in all of those are financial support of the woman and a provision of sex for the man.

By no means are they the only things in play, but they are both key factors in the role of "marriage".

Traditional marriage is (amongst other things) a form of prostitution.

Hunter_S_Thompson

2012-04-25 09:51:25 AM

Oblig.

Shadowtag

2012-04-25 09:57:58 AM

Car_Ramrod: Good thing I don't charge. I often do it... pro boner.

/I'll be here all week

I can't be the only one who read that in David Caruso's voice and screamed afterwards.

/More out of terror than tired meme

vwarb

2012-04-25 10:14:47 AM

How is it that so many people are able to understand why prostitution laws make absolutely zero sense, and yet they remain in place? Seriously, I've never met even one single person (male or female) who thinks prostitution should be illegal.

I probably have a bad sample size though, considering I mostly associate with dirty pinko liberals. Even then, you'd think there would be someplace where the crazy moralists don't have so much sway.

Oldiron_79

2012-04-25 10:30:07 AM

vwarb: How is it that so many people are able to understand why prostitution laws make absolutely zero sense, and yet they remain in place? Seriously, I've never met even one single person (male or female) who thinks prostitution should be illegal.

I probably have a bad sample size though, considering I mostly associate with dirty pinko liberals. Even then, you'd think there would be someplace where the crazy moralists don't have so much sway.

Everyone I've ever meet that thinks prostitution should be verboten is either a Westboro Baptist level bible thumper fundie or a Femenazi.

I guess the Westboro Baptist level Fundies make up enough of the RNC's base and the FemeNazis make up enough of the DNC's base that they both agree its bad.

neversubmit

2012-04-25 10:37:03 AM

If I pay myself to masturbate, have I committed a crime?

AgentBang

2012-04-25 10:40:05 AM

Men and women are sponsored to jerk and thrust for as long as they can in order to raise funds for a worthy (and, no doubt, sex positive) cause.

Nice.

Lone Stranger

2012-04-25 10:44:40 AM

This is relevant because I'm going to see Morris Day And The Time in June at Free Press Summer Fest in Houston.

/want to shake me hand?

stevarooni

2012-04-25 10:51:20 AM

vwarb: I probably have a bad sample size though, considering I mostly associate with dirty pinko liberals. Even then, you'd think there would be someplace where the crazy moralists don't have so much sway.

Sure, in fruity Nevada! Oh...except for Reno...where most of the Democrats live, oddly. :D

stevarooni

2012-04-25 10:52:49 AM

Oh, and Las Vegas, too. Again, a big Democrat block of the state.

Profedius

2012-04-25 10:57:13 AM

Hey I have an idea! Why don't we force the government to stay the fark out of people's sex lives? It is none of their farking business and their supposed morality is not something the rest of us should be enslaved to.

vwarb

2012-04-25 10:57:35 AM

stevarooni: Oh, and Las Vegas, too. Again, a big Democrat block of the state.

It's those darn second-wave feminists. Somebody needs to tell them the same thing that I say to teenagers who paint their nails black: When you define yourself by opposition to another force, that force controls you. In the case of the feminists, it would be the patriarchy.

Cybernetic

2012-04-25 11:04:35 AM

neversubmit: If I pay myself to masturbate, have I committed a crime?

You have to pay yourself at least minimum wage. Or else pay yourself as an independent contractor and send yourself a 1099.

KierzanDax

2012-04-25 11:16:28 AM

Everyone knows you go to San Diego to jack it.

"I'm gonna jack it where the sun always shines."
- San Diego's New Motto

domo_kun_sai

2012-04-25 11:22:28 AM

People, listen up.
If you want to have sex with a hooker.
Film it.
If you do, you can pay her, do what you want to her and they can't arrest you.
Just buy a cheap domain name like "sexwithwomen.org or .xxx".
Then you are an artist, not a john.

neversubmit

2012-04-25 11:44:17 AM

Cybernetic: neversubmit: If I pay myself to masturbate, have I committed a crime?

You have to pay yourself at least minimum wage. Or else pay yourself as an independent contractor and send yourself a 1099.

I'm worth a hell of a lot more than minimum wage! Lets see... a hundred a minute yeah that's it. If only I could suck myself off I'd really be raking in the cash.

signaljammer

2012-04-25 11:49:14 AM

Cannabis and prostitution our seen as threats to the overall economic order. If people can please themselves through direct means, the fear is that they will not dither away their money on indirect forms.

stuffy

2012-04-25 11:53:44 AM

But can still do it for free?
OK then

protectyourlimbs

2012-04-25 12:04:21 PM

There is still San Diego..

KidKorporate

2012-04-25 12:05:30 PM

Utah still leads the country in paid porn consumption, right?

offmymeds

2012-04-25 01:14:30 PM

Wholesale Ass

2012-04-25 01:34:23 PM

BurnShrike: Wholesale Ass: Masturbating is fun. It's a fun thing to do and it feels good. I would never pay someone to do it. We can do it together and enjoy each other. For free

*clicks profile*

No thanks. I'll have to charge you for the service.

go be gay somewhere else.

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 01:40:27 PM

Wholesale Ass: BurnShrike: Wholesale Ass: Masturbating is fun. It's a fun thing to do and it feels good. I would never pay someone to do it. We can do it together and enjoy each other. For free

*clicks profile*

No thanks. I'll have to charge you for the service.

go be gay somewhere else.

How very clever and modest of you. If someone doesn't think you're attractive enough to get sexy with, they must be gay.

You should be on TV somewhere.

Wholesale Ass

2012-04-25 01:44:47 PM

BurnShrike: Wholesale Ass: BurnShrike: Wholesale Ass: Masturbating is fun. It's a fun thing to do and it feels good. I would never pay someone to do it. We can do it together and enjoy each other. For free

*clicks profile*

No thanks. I'll have to charge you for the service.

go be gay somewhere else.

How very clever and modest of you. If someone doesn't think you're attractive enough to get sexy with, they must be gay.

You should be on TV somewhere.

Exactly. You've figured it out. I you morbid lame repulsive excuse for a brilliant comment on the internet.

Wholesale Ass

2012-04-25 01:55:06 PM

What's wrong? Not enough jerk for you?

Do you want to make this work, or not?

Wholesale Ass

2012-04-25 01:56:12 PM

BurnShrike: You should be on TV somewhere.

f)cking squid.

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 01:58:06 PM

Wholesale Ass: I you morbid lame repulsive excuse for a brilliant comment on the internet.

You shouldn't try so hard to use big words. Your sentence is all screwed up. Also, perhaps you should look up "morbid".

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 01:59:17 PM

Wholesale Ass: BurnShrike: You should be on TV somewhere.

f)cking squid.

Well if I didn't know it before, your 3 over-the-top responses proves it: Don't stick your dick in crazy folks.

Wholesale Ass

2012-04-25 02:11:21 PM

BurnShrike: Wholesale Ass: BurnShrike: You should be on TV somewhere.

f)cking squid.

Well if I didn't know it before, your 3 over-the-top responses proves it: Don't stick your dick in crazy folks.

I stand corrected. Now, do you want to f)ck? Or do you want sit there with your dick in your hand?

Do you want to correct my sentences, or do you want to fark your own obsolete ass?

Do you do anything pleasurable? Am I wasting my time?

BurnShrike

2012-04-25 02:18:35 PM

Wholesale Ass: I stand corrected. Now, do you want to f)ck? Or do you want sit there with your dick in your hand?

Do you want to correct my sentences, or do you want to fark your own obsolete ass?

Do you do anything pleasurable? Am I wasting my time?

Do you have a wishlist? Please put a dictionary on it, and look up "obsolete".

I do many pleasurable things. You are not one of those things.

My standards may be low, but not that low.

screwzloos

2012-04-25 02:34:48 PM

I'd be curious what the pornography laws are like in Utah. I can't pay a girl to masturbate for me, but can I pay a girl to masturbate on camera for me, as long as it's clear that's what she's being paid for? Does the camera have to be on?

spentmiles

2012-04-25 03:12:54 PM

BurnShrike: Wholesale Ass: I stand corrected. Now, do you want to f)ck? Or do you want sit there with your dick in your hand?

Do you want to correct my sentences, or do you want to fark your own obsolete ass?

Do you do anything pleasurable? Am I wasting my time?

Do you have a wishlist? Please put a dictionary on it, and look up "obsolete".

I do many pleasurable things. You are not one of those things.

My standards may be low, but not that low.

Lance: Hey, whattya think about Trudi? She ain't got a boyfriend. You wanna hang out, get high?
Vincent: Which one's Trudi? The one with all the shiat in her face?
Lance: No, that's Jody. That's my wife.

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