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(Cracked)   "You Can Call Me Al" may sound upbeat, but it's included in the 6 Popular Upbeat Songs You Didn't Realize Are Depressing   ( cracked.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, OutKast, Lucy Liu, Hey Ya, Hey, polaroid, attention spans, upbeat, Paul Simon  
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16243 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Apr 2012 at 1:06 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-04-19 09:45:23 PM  
2012-04-19 09:49:53 PM  
The Beatles "Ticket to Ride" has always struck me as a sad song. Dude is getting his ass dumped

She said that living with me
Was bringing her down yeah.
She would never be free
When I was around.
2012-04-19 09:56:09 PM  
Detachable Penis - King Missile.

I mean come on. He lost his dill!, found it for sale on the street. ON THE STREET!
2012-04-19 09:59:14 PM  

Six_By_Nine: Have we forgotten about Elton John's "Daniel"...anybody?

//I still cry when I hear that song.

vincentknight.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
2012-04-19 10:03:43 PM  
Late to the party. Here is a good depressing song.

2012-04-19 10:30:12 PM  
Bobby Darin's "Artificial Flowers". First time I heard it was at a Karoke night. I couldn't believe the lyrics. WTF?
2012-04-19 10:32:57 PM  

T-Servo: Angry Buddha: Went to a wedding reception in the late 90s and the bride and groom's first dance was to Paradise by the Dashboard Lights. They were not being cute or ironic.

That's classy. Did they dance through motions of sliding into third?

While it will not be our first dance song but it will end up being played if my girlfriend and I marry. We do a great karaoke to it . I guess you could say we do it somewhat ironically. We are both older and have been thru divorces. We have fun with it. While she's doing the "do you love me" part shegets in my face while I roll my eyes and look bored and when I do the "let me sleep on it" part she does a little head shaking thing while I try to cuddle up to her.
2012-04-19 10:50:59 PM  

Pappas: Should have been number one. It astounds me how many people think it's a happy song. It's pretty much about soul crushing depression and loneliness.

The sound of the song alone is enough to make me want to kill people.
2012-04-19 10:54:40 PM  

OldManDownDRoad: theorellior: Now that I've read the article, there are a few more songs by Steely Dan that are more creepy and a farkton less obscure than "Everyone's Gone to the Movies".

Just for funsies, "King of the World" is a post-apocalyptic fantasy, "Peg" is about a porn fanboi, and "Josie" is about a gang-bang.

But nothing beats "Gaucho" - a rich old man invites a boy toy up to his apartment only to have him arrive with a rent boy from Rio.

"Everyone's Gone to the Movies" is pretty good, though.
2012-04-19 11:12:00 PM  
CSB: I used to DJ in college for some bars, did occasional weddings: I had this conversation with one bride when arranging the music for her reception

Me: So, Father-Daughter dance will be...

Bride: Well, he's my stepdad, so how about Father Figure

Me: Are you sure you want that? You might want to read the lyrics

Bride: The title is what's important to me.

Me: Shelly, seriously know the lyrics. You're going to be dancing in the middle of the dance floor with all eyes on you and people hearing the music/ I really suggest reading the lyrics before deciding on this.

Bride: It's MY Wedding..you play what I tell you.

Me: Oh Kayyyyyyyy....So...First Dance?

Bride: Every Breath you take! It's sooo romantic.

Me: Uh..if stalking is romantic.

I couldn't believe someone, 10 years after the freakin song was released, STILL didn't know what the hell it was about!
2012-04-19 11:20:26 PM  
I can't believe not one farker jumped on I am a rock. I'm closing out to umbuto and listing it to it now.

Stupid farkers.
2012-04-19 11:47:06 PM  
Bananarama - Robert de Niro's waiting (rape)
The Kinks - Come Dancing (losing things from your past)
Pat Benatar - Hit me with your best shot (domestic violence)
Queen - '39 (losing everyone you've ever knew)
Sweet - Fox on the run (bloodsport)
2012-04-20 12:11:26 AM  
I've despised "You can call me Al" from the first time I heard it, despite being a Paul Simon fan in general.
2012-04-20 12:13:03 AM  
I'm walkin' on sunshine! Oh - oh, I'm walking on sunshine, yeah! And melanoma doesn't feel good! Hey! Alright now!
2012-04-20 12:15:57 AM  
No "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"?
2012-04-20 12:24:50 AM  
My son, who I obtained when he was thirteen visa vis marrying his dad (egg donor is a nut - I am mom) was just discovering music and is fascinated by the big box of cassettes I have. I refuse to dispose of them until I have their equivalent on disc or some other electronic media. At about 15, when he was getting cute and getting attention from girls, he heard "One Way or Another" by Blondie and dug it. I think he thought it was a poppy, "I have a crush on you and will try to have you!" type of thing until I explained to him it was about a psycho stalker chick, and said "listen to the lyrics". His eyes got wide. He still likes the song (and I've burned the album from tape to .mp3 for him) and had the misfortune to "get it" when some sad little girl obsessed on him his junior year in HS.

I'm a hell of a cool stepmom for more reasons than turning him on to music.
2012-04-20 12:27:39 AM  
Zevon doesn't make this list as he had one "popular" cut.

But if I'm going to polka it's going to be dancing to Mr. Bad Example.
2012-04-20 12:43:22 AM  

2wolves: But if I'm going to polka it's going to be dancing to Mr. Bad Example.

I take your Mr. Bad Example and raise you with Mr. Wrong.
2012-04-20 02:06:18 AM  
No Nice Boys?

2012-04-20 03:30:59 AM  

BohemianGraham: FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, and Cuddly Toy, by the Monkees, is really about a gang bang. What's yer point?

Can't forget Last Train to Clarksville, which is about a GI going off to 'Nam. Also Randy Scouse Git is pretty negative in the chorus, Not Your Stepping Stone is basically about a guy fed up with a chick using him for personal gain. There's also these pretty upbeat songs by the Monkees:

Going Down:
Sock it to me...

Floatin' down the river
With a saturated liver
And I wish I could forgive her
But I do believe she meant it
When she told me to forget it
And I bet she will regret it
When they find me in the morning wet and drowned
And the word gets 'round
Goin' down
Goin' down

Coming' up for air
It's pretty stuffy under there
I'd like to say I didn't care
But I forgot to leave a note
And it's so hard to stay afloat
I'm soakin' wet without a boat
And I knew I should have taken off my shoes
It's front page news
Goin' down
Goin' down

I wish I had another drink
It wouldn't be so hard to sink
I should have taken time to think
Besides I got the picture straight
She must have had another date
I didn't need this extra weight
I wish that I could see the way to shore
Don't want no more
Goin' down
I'm goin' down

And now I see the life I led
I slept it all away in bed
I should have learned to swim instead
And now it's really got me stumped
I can't believe why I jumped
I'd like to get my tummy pumped
I can't believe they drink this stuff in town
This dirty brown
Goin' down

Goin' down

I wish I looked before I leaped
I didn't know it was so deep
Been down so far I don't get wet
Haven't touched the bottom yet
This river scene is gettin' old
I'm hungry, sleepy, wet and cold
She told me to forget it nice
I should have taken her advice
I only want to go on home
I'd gladly leave that girl alone
What a way to spend the night
If I don't drown, I'll die of fright
My pappy taught me how to float
But I can't swim a single note
He threw me in to teach me how
I stayed there floatin' like a mama cow
And now I've floated way down stream
I know this has to be a dream
If I could find my way to shore
I'd never, never do this anymore
I'll give you three, I've been down nine
I'm goin' down just one more time.
Goin' down.
Goin' down.

Now the sky is gettin' light
An everything will be alright
Think I finally got the knack
Just floatin' here lazy on my back
I never really liked that town
I think I'll ride the river down
Just movin' slow and floatin' free
There's a river swingin' under me.
Waving back to the folks on shore
I should have thought of this before
I'm floatin' on down to New Orleans
Goin' to pick up on some swingin' scenes
I know I'll know a better day
I'll go down groovin' all the way
Goin' down
Goin' down

Mommy and Daddy:
Ask your mommy and daddy
What happened to the Indian
Ask your mommy and daddy
To tell you where you really came from
Your mommy and daddy
Will probably quickly turn and walk away
Then ask your mommy and daddy
Who really killed JFK

Ask your mommy if she really
Gets off on all her pills
Ask your daddy why doesn't
That soldier care who he kills?
After they've put you to sleep
And tucked you safely down in your bed
Whisper mommy and daddy
Would it matter if the bullet went through my head?

If it was my blood spilling on the kitchen floor,
If it was my blood, mommy, would you care a little more?
Don't be surprised when they turn and start to cry
And tell your mommy and daddy
Tell your mommy and daddy
Scream it to your mommy and daddy,
They're living in a lie, lie, lie
It's all a lie, it's all a lie, lie, lie...

Long Title: Do I Have To Do This All Over Again?:
Do I have to do this all over again?
Didn't I do it right the first time?
Do I have to do this all over again?
How many times do I have to make this climb?
Didn't I? Didn't I?

Can I see my way to know what's really real
They say time can fix things by itself
I know life's more than just some kind of deal
Won't you tell me what all, when my soul comes off the shelf
Didn't I, oh, didn't I?

Do I have to do this all over again?
Didn't I do it right the first time?
Do I have to do this all over again?
How many times do I have to make this climb?
Didn't I?...

Star Collector:
Think I'll let her keep on going,
Wherever it is she's going to,
Give her my autograph and tell her,
It's been nice knowing you.

Cause she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
She only aims to please,
Young celebrities,
Yeah, she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
How can I love her,
When I just don't respect her?

When everything is going my way,
She wants to be close at hand,
She moves to some other doorway,
When things don't go,
The way she planned.

Yes, she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
She only aims to please,
Young celebrities,
Yeah, she's the star collector,
Collector of stars,
Oh, it won't take much time,
Before I get her off my mind.

You forgot Porpoise Song

/Loves the album HEAD
/Good choices tho
2012-04-20 05:30:34 AM  

SFSailor: But mostly, I wanted to biatch: Am I the only one annoyed by the fact that youtube links don't reveal anything about the video? Having to click through to see what song is mentioned is annoying, dammit!

Threads like this entirely justify having GreaseMonkey just so you can have YouTube Link Title so you don't have to click the link of every idjit who thinks he's cool by not naming the song and artist when he links it.
2012-04-20 06:28:36 AM  

deltaqueen: You forgot Porpoise Song

/Loves the album HEAD
/Good choices tho

Porpoise Song has never seemed upbeat to me, to be honest. It's always sounded like a downer of a song, but in a good way. It's essentially the Monkees' suicide note. :) It's much like the slowed down version of I Wanna Be Free, which is farking depressing

The Monkees had a ton of catchy upbeat songs, that were actually kinda depressing and/or angry. I've thought of a few more:

This Just Doesn't Seem to be My Day (it's a Davy Jones pop number)
I Wanna Be Free (the first recording, before they made it into the dreary Davy Jones pop ballad)
You Told Me
Forget that Girl
No Time
All of Your Toys
She Hangs Out (hello, the first line is 'How old you'd say your sister was?" and the whole song's about this underage chick hanging out at clubs picking up men, and that's she's far better at it than the older sister)
Love is Only Sleeping
What am I Doing Hanging 'Round?
I'll Be Back Up on My Feet
Daydream Believer (it's after they've broken up in my mind)
Circle Sky
Pleasant Valley Sunday (suburbia farking sucks)

Sunny Girlfriend is cloying until you listen to the last verse:

She owns and operates
Her own sunshine factory
Of painting smiles on dolls
And then on me
She's my sunny girlfriend
And personality.

Well, she's got a book
That tells about ev'rybody's past
And she can make you slow
While making your mind move fast
She's my sunny girlfriend
And she is never last.

Oh, while I am sleeping
Then she comes creeping
Into my thoughts at night
Gazing down through eyes
As bright as wonder.

She can send you on your way
To ev'rywhere
She's only started
After you think that she is there.
Well, she's my sunny girlfriend,
And she just doesn't care.
Yes, she's my sunny girlfriend,
She doesn't really care.

Mike Nesmith's girlfriend is a girl who doesn't even know he's alive or gives a shiat about him.

I think I've listed them all now.
2012-04-20 07:45:50 AM  
Well, shiat. Just about anything from Steely Dan would make this list.
2012-04-20 08:02:39 AM  

daverzzz: Crewmannumber6: Here's a catchy little ditty about a school shooting

And it's so catchy a friend of a friend walked in to their wedding reception to that tune. I turned to my wife and asked her if they had ever listened to the lyrics.


At my wife's cousin's wedding, the DJ played "Earl Had to Die" (or whatever it's called) by The Dixie Chicks. For those who don't know, it's a song about a small-town girl who stayed small-town, and whose abusive husband killed her, and her friends decided to kill him. The only reason I even had heard it before was because I had heard it accidentally at work on a co-worker's radio.
2012-04-20 08:47:36 AM  
Next week on Cracked, the top 5 Morrissey songs that you didn't know were actually cheerful.
2012-04-20 08:51:19 AM  
Here's a song everyone thinks is happy but once you get past the chorus it is really quite depressing and pathetic:

You Are My Sunshine (yes, that old song)

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.


I'll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You'll regret it all some day:


You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But now you've left me and love another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:


In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I'll forgive you dear, I'll take all the blame.
2012-04-20 09:07:03 AM  

Mr. Lepage: I respectably disagree.

2012-04-20 09:20:33 AM  

beerrun: So Squeezebox isn't really about an accordion?

The hell you say!

I'll just leave this here.
2012-04-20 10:00:59 AM  

freetomato: 2wolves: But if I'm going to polka it's going to be dancing to Mr. Bad Example.

I take your Mr. Bad Example and raise you with Mr. Wrong.

Cracker, and Camper Van, also probably doesn't qualify as "popular."
2012-04-20 10:11:00 AM  
Anyone else find it odd that the guy singing the clearly anti-drug warning of "doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break" on "Semi-Charmed Life" has his hand over his mouth when singing that line?
2012-04-20 10:42:40 AM  
Richard Thompson's "Shane And Dixie" is an upbeat little ditty about a criminal who tries to murder his woman and sticks a shotgun in his mouth.
2012-04-20 11:24:35 AM  
Tyler by the Toadies is pretty upbeat and about stalker. Love that song though.
2012-04-20 11:31:50 AM  

I don't know if there are purists here who think that the latter two Dan albums are canon or not, but "Janie Runaway" is by far the sickest upbeat Dan song ever. Start with a young girl who runs away from an abusive father in Florida by burning down their house. Add a rich dilettante who picks her off the streets of New York, plies her with booze and rich food and uses her as a cum dumpster. Finally, send them off to a rural lovenest in Pennsylvania for a threesome with another starving waif, on the promise that he'll take her to Spain for her birthday.

Wow... I am a big fan of the Dan (and I really dig the 2 newer albums, too.) and I never knew that. Those guys have an awesomely devious way of obscuring the true meaning of their lyrics. Fantastic songwriters & impeccable musicians, they are.
2012-04-20 11:35:02 AM  
Smoke from a Distant Fire. Super upbeat sound with great saxophone about a guy figuring out that his woman is cheating on him.

2012-04-20 12:35:34 PM  
The Misfits - Saturday Night http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82oSu6gIvms
2012-04-20 01:06:03 PM  
"Hotel California" The Eagles should of been on the list as well. It's kind of happy but the message isn't.
2012-04-20 01:34:37 PM  

Close2TheEdge: Well, shiat. Just about anything from Steely Dan would make this list.

Yep, Chase The Dragon is a great song with a great hook until you realise it's about heroin addiction.

I always wanted to do an experiment with the Blues Traveller song Hook. Poll people and ask them what the song is about, then play it for them and see how many people realise the song is saying 'It doesn't matter what the lyrics are, no one's listening, as long as it has a catchy hook'.
2012-04-20 01:36:43 PM  
Sorry, That Steely Dan song is 'Time Out Of Mind'
2012-04-20 04:01:29 PM  
2012-04-20 04:01:51 PM  

TonnageVT: Tyler by the Toadies is pretty upbeat and about stalker. Love that song though.

Totally, and don't forget the super-happy-fun rape at the end either.

'I found a window in the kitchen, and I let myself in" is the tipping point for that song. Take that out, and it could be relatively benign.
2012-04-20 04:10:56 PM  

TonnageVT: Tyler by the Toadies is pretty upbeat and about stalker. Love that song though.

More than a stalker in Tyler......agreed

I find a window in the kitchen, and I let myself in.
Rummage through the refridgerator, grab myself a beer.
I can't believe I'm really here, and she's lying in that bed.
I can almost feel her touch and her anxious breath.
I stumble down the hallway, outside her bedroom door
I hear her call out to me
I hear the fear in her voice
She pulls the covers tighter
I press against the door
I will be with her tonight.

Possum Kingdom may be their "hit" but their fans wanna hear Tyler.
2012-04-20 04:16:19 PM  

Pontious Pilates: "One" by U2 is a farking depressing song about dysfunction and codependence. And dipshiatty dipshiats actually play that song at weddings.

The lyric is "WE GET to carry each other" not "WE'VE GOT to carry each other."

Good Lord. People think that's a love song?

did I ask too much, more than a lot?
You give me nothing, now it's, all I got
We're one, but we're, not the same
We hurt each other, and we do it again

Hell it even opens depressing.
2012-04-20 05:34:58 PM  
If you think 3EB's 'Semi-Charmed Life' is depressing, check out 'God Of Wine' from the same album.
2012-04-20 06:35:48 PM  
Disappointed to not see Today by the Smashing Pumpkins on that list. It was even used in the Visa commercial as a motivational song for their "GO" campaign despite the song being about suicide. Bah.
2012-04-21 04:12:59 PM  
Sick Of You - Cake
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