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Illiterate lobsterman no longer lost at C, robot masturbators, and Internet meme recursion loops: some of Fark's favorite headlines of the week for 3/25 - 3/31
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-04-03 4:58:06 PM (10 comments) | Permalink

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3529 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Apr 2012 at 5:23 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Well, with the Vegas event last Friday, we're a day behind on getting Headline of the Week out (and I missed the normal Fark Weird News Quiz completely), but I'm back now, so we should be back in business.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-03-25 to Sat 2012-03-31:

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  Shampoo commercial featuring Adolf Hitler draws outrage. "Mein herr .... is so soft and silky"    
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  Naked drunk driver rolls 4WD, loses saving throw against police    
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  Drink named "Albino Rhino" has a woman with albinism seeing red    
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  Men have to prove they're gay to avoid the Turkish army. Suggestion 1: Enlist in the Greek army    
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  Insects discovered in Starbucks Strawberry Frappuccino. Starbucks says it's not a bug, it's a feature. Which is a bug    
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  Your Twitter stream can now be converted into toilet paper, creating a dangerous Internet Meme Recursion Loop    
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  Mississippi is now the most religious state in U.S. after recent poll finds most people pray every day just to get out of Biloxi    
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  Special needs adults taken to hospital after multi-vehicle accident. They were tardy due to traffic, chromosomes    
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  Once-illiterate lobsterman no longer lost at C    
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  Utah has nation's highest autism rate. Their parents probably did too much LDS when they were young    
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  Lick... no, pump... punk... PUB. Lick laws. Public. Intosh, intop, intof... drunk laws. They're too fuc... whoops. Fum (hee hee) fuzzy. Crickets say. What? Critics. CRITICS. That's what they say    
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Sports:

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  Nabokov signs one-year extension, has a seat right over there    
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  I'm guessing Pat Summit can't remember the last time the Lady Vols lost this badly in the NCAA Tourney    
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  News Corp. shopping an all-sports network to rival ESPN. No word yet on how they plan to present stats and scores in such a way so that it always looks like the team they like is the one that's winning    
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Geek:

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  Because the SAT is so archaic, a 35-year-old man taking it would be quite _______: a) pabulum b) poignant c) comical d) prosaic e) ethereal    
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  Bacteria could cause obsessive-compulsive disorder, so make sure you wash your hands frequently    
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  Robot will help stroke patients. I just hope the nurse tells it to be gentle    
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Entertainment:

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  20th Century Fox pulls ads for its new film "Neighborhood Watch" out of fears that a comedy starring Vince Vaughan and Ben Stiller fighting aliens might be just a little too close to current events for comfort    
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  Clay Aiken finally admits that he had the "fat sucked out of his chin". Wow, his boyfriend must be reeeeeeallly good    
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  Bones renewed for eighth season. Better luck next time, osteoporosis    
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Politics:

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  Santorum loses his shiat over the media using his words against him    
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  Romneybot 2.0 launches talkshow.exe subroutine, attempts to load regularguy.dat into newly formatted partition    
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  Spaceman candidate allowed to call himself 'astronaut' on ballot. Other candidates protest, fearing they will be required to list their occupations    
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Business:

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  Apollo slumps 8%. YA GOT HIM ON THE ROPES, ROCKY    
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  Without a hint of irony, RIM announces plans to re-focus on what they're good at. Eviscerating its stock strangely absent    
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  Virgin Volcanic? Richard Branson to let people book trips to Journey to the Center of the Earth. Dinosaurs cost extra    
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· · ·

10 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-04-03 05:29:16 PM  
Thanks Unfreakable.
 
2012-04-03 05:36:36 PM  
I cannot read "Lobsterman" without thinking of Zoidberg.
 
2012-04-03 06:22:11 PM  
Naked drunk driver rolls 4WD, loses saving throw against police

THAT was a boss headline.


foo monkey: Thanks Unfreakable.


Also, this!
 
2012-04-03 07:22:34 PM  
Unfreakable - is there a reason these last few weeks haven't been added to the list?
 
2012-04-03 07:29:55 PM  

TexasPete: Unfreakable - is there a reason these last few weeks haven't been added to the list?


Appears to be a bug. Mike thought he had it fixed up last week, I'll mention it to him again. They've been fixing a lot of the back-end code, but sometimes you fix one thing and ten other things break. Joy.
 
2012-04-03 07:45:09 PM  
Can you believe it? You've already finished C! (new window)
 
2012-04-03 11:37:44 PM  
is it just me, or do any of the other TFers think that the mods are redlighting some great headlines? Some of these are good, although mine was meh at best, but I've seen a lot better in red than nearly all of these.
 
2012-04-04 01:34:19 AM  

r1niceboy: is it just me, or do any of the other TFers think that the mods are redlighting some great headlines? Some of these are good, although mine was meh at best, but I've seen a lot better in red than nearly all of these.


FYI-the admins do the greenlighting, but one of the reasons some of the better headlines might be redlit is because they're repeats.
 
2012-04-04 02:28:10 AM  

Unfreakable: TexasPete: Unfreakable - is there a reason these last few weeks haven't been added to the list?

Appears to be a bug. Mike thought he had it fixed up last week, I'll mention it to him again. They've been fixing a lot of the back-end code, but sometimes you fix one thing and ten other things break. Joy.


I halfway griped about that on Twitter. Was more nudging than biatching. :)

Here's to hoping the long weekend hangover isn't a week in hell!

:D
 
2012-04-04 02:44:13 AM  
Holy hell! The OCD one was AWESOME!
 
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