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(Jalopnik)   Maryland car dealer will install $8 door guards on your new car for you. For $1,495   (jalopnik.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, College Park, Dr. Sanjay Gupta  
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18540 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Apr 2012 at 10:56 PM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2012-04-02 7:20:46 PM  
You don't *have* to be stupid enough to buy them, do you?
 
Pud
2012-04-02 8:26:28 PM  
OK, which one of you posted this? I know it was not me, so it must have been one of you.


Turbolence88
Mon 02 Apr 2012 1:56 PM

Sure, $1,495 sounds steep, but you're getting these installed from the best technicians in the industry! Let's go over what this process entails.

- Our single ASE-certified technician takes a thorough look through the car from bumper to bumper the moment it arrives on our lot. Once he's assured that the car is in fact there, he quickly inspects it for components that Hyundai USA may not have included.
- After inspection, he finds the door edges are completely unguarded! He consults with our sales team and determines that is indeed a serious shortcoming (though not a defect!) requiring immediate attention.
- The technician delegates the duty of finding an ideal set of edge guards to the guy who changes oil filters in the fire pit. His name is Keith. Keith understands what duty means...saving customers money by re-using the same filter if it was changed less than three visits ago.
- Keith heads to our parts supplier, simultaneously test driving a customer's car to make sure it was fixed properly. He'll take the long way, since he needs time to think about his new responsibility of protecting the new car.
- Once at Pep Boys, Keith will use his professional diligence and sense of direction to arrive at the Cosmetic Accessories aisle. Now, he carefully combs through the selection, noting the fluctuation in price and quality. Only the best will do, so he grabs the $20, 50-foot roll of door edge guards. Economically, he is a genius. A single investment to benefit five cars! Keith thinks about the raise he deserves as he cashes out.
- Back at the dealer, Keith takes an X-acto knife and carefully trims the moulding for a perfect fit. Sweat billows from his forehead. The pressure builds. Last time he attempted this, a slice of his thumb ended up on the shop floor. Four equal strips are delicately massaged onto the edge of the car doors.
- Our ASE Certified technician and sales manager review the hard work Keith put into protecting the car, and congratulate him on a job well done before shoving him back to the speed lane for a tire rotation that's 15 minutes overdue.
- The sales manager consults Accounting for a reasonable estimate as to what this fantastic service for our customers is worth. After some back-and-forth, we worked Accounting down from their initial $3,500 to our final price of a mere $1,495.

And there you have it. No other dealership goes the extra mile for you like College Park Hyundai. We are your perfect car dealer.

 
2012-04-02 8:55:17 PM  
Maryland car dealer will install $8 door guards on your new car for you. For $1,495

So... you're saying there's a catch?
 
2012-04-02 8:59:23 PM  
In other news, car dealerships are going to figure out how to get you the best deal possible, yet still make plenty of money.
 
2012-04-02 9:20:47 PM  
Well, we've never done this before. But seein' as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that True Coat.
 
2012-04-02 10:59:50 PM  
This dealership's TV ad (new window, way NSFW language)
 
2012-04-02 11:02:16 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: Well, we've never done this before. But seein' as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that True Coat.


One hundred. You lied to me, Mr Lundengard. You're a bald face liar.

A farking liar.

 
2012-04-02 11:02:36 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that True Coat.


You cant take true coat off (nor prove that it was put on in the first place) But you can take floormats and door guards off.

When I bought my car I had the pealing off all that crap they stick on at the dealer to make a buck. Took almost $500 off the price.

I also insist that any dealer name be removed from the vehicle. Whether a license place frame or one of those stupid stickers on the back. I dont advertise for you for free.
 
2012-04-02 11:04:05 PM  
Well, we've never done this before. But seeing as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.

rnwebner.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2012-04-02 11:05:03 PM  

Anayalator: Well, we've never done this before. But seeing as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.

[rnwebner.files.wordpress.com image 274x210]


You're a liar, Mr. Lundergard. A...a froozin' liar.

/one of my favorite edits for TV ever
 
2012-04-02 11:05:27 PM  

jake_lex: This dealership's TV ad (new window, way NSFW language)


Was gonna post this.

/leaving satisfied
 
2012-04-02 11:05:28 PM  

Three Crooked Squirrels: Well, we've never done this before. But seein' as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that True Coat.


Dangit! I was busy with my GIS!
 
2012-04-02 11:05:56 PM  
The invisible hand of commerce, etc. But who would pay $1495 for a Hyundai in the first place?
 
2012-04-02 11:07:05 PM  
I'll do it for $1000.
 
2012-04-02 11:09:07 PM  
Did the owner decide to get out of the hospital business and sell cars?
 
2012-04-02 11:11:47 PM  

jake_lex: Anayalator: Well, we've never done this before. But seeing as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.

[rnwebner.files.wordpress.com image 274x210]

You're a liar, Mr. Lundergard. A...a froozin' liar.

/one of my favorite edits for TV ever


English, Mother Father! Do you speak it?
 
2012-04-02 11:12:08 PM  

itsfullofstars:
I also insist that any dealer name be removed from the vehicle. Whether a license place frame or one of those stupid stickers on the back. I dont advertise for you for free.


It's like we're brothers! You're the only other person I've ever found who won't put up with that.
 
2012-04-02 11:14:09 PM  
"Dealers fark over consumers!"

"Film at 11"

/shocking just shocking
 
2012-04-02 11:17:13 PM  
I grew up in Marlow Heights... Was a shiat hole in the 70's and even a bigger shiat hole now. PG County is pretty much a shiat hole all around.
 
2012-04-02 11:17:42 PM  
Obvious tag busy?
 
2012-04-02 11:19:44 PM  
I won't put up with dealer packs anywhere. I've sent nastygrams to Costco management for allowing cars with "market markup" or assorted dealer packs to be displayed in the warehouse store.
 
2012-04-02 11:20:20 PM  
This isn't even the worst. We got dealerships here in St. Louis that are putting $2500 markups on these same cars. Markups like $800 for pinstripes. The reason why dealerships do this is for two reasons. One: 1 out of 20 people are farking dumb enough to pay for markups. Two: If they hold their ground but let you negotiate down to sticker they still end up with a huge deal due to mark ups. These isn't even close to some of the other bullshiat that car dealerships try to pull. Most dealerships ads are borderline false advertising.
 
2012-04-02 11:20:29 PM  
Wow $1495 and they aren't color matched. How much more do they charge to put white guards on the white car? An extra $500 ?
 
2012-04-02 11:22:28 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: It's like we're brothers! You're the only other person I've ever found who won't put up with that.


I learned it from my father. He's bought 3 or 4 cars that I remember, each time he's specify up front that it must be free of these things before he'd take delivery.

I'll never forget when he got to the point of signing on the dotted line, asked to see the vehicle one last time, they pulled it up and had put one of those stickers on the back while cleaning the vehicle up. We all got in the car that was to be traded in and left. Mom was pissed. I was in awe.
 
2012-04-02 11:23:01 PM  
blog.workface.comView Full Size


That undercoating, that's a ripoff, right?

Yeah, we don't even know what it is.

/on the flip side
 
2012-04-02 11:23:08 PM  
Ok. I'm going to call Japolnik and the author out.

The picture he took of the invoice isn't clear on whether the "Adjusted Market Value" is for all options or just the door guards. Now, the door guards are the only thing listed. Which means they may or may not be the only dealer-added options on the vehicle.

But the top clearly says not all scheduled-to-be-added options have been installed. They may be rolled into the total add-on price but not listed until installed.
 
2012-04-02 11:24:53 PM  
Only if they only charge a minimal amount for the clear coat and dealer prep charges.
Do they still do the undercoat up north?
 
2012-04-02 11:24:57 PM  
Better hope they don't start selling toilet paper.
 
2012-04-02 11:25:05 PM  
I didn't know Monster Cable made car parts too.
 
2012-04-02 11:31:10 PM  

itsfullofstars:
I also insist that any dealer name be removed from the vehicle. Whether a license place frame or one of those stupid stickers on the back. I dont advertise for you for free.


I can't stand that either.

Tell them: Option (a) you take them off, or option (b) keep them on, you pay me $200/month for advertising. I don't know many that would pick (b), but id take it.
 
2012-04-02 11:32:03 PM  

itsfullofstars: I'll never forget when he got to the point of signing on the dotted line, asked to see the vehicle one last time, they pulled it up and had put one of those stickers on the back while cleaning the vehicle up. We all got in the car that was to be traded in and left. Mom was pissed. I was in awe.


They say you have to pick your battles. Sounds like your old man picked the most inane, meaningless battle out there. No doubt he walked a littler taller for weeks after winning that skirmish .
 
2012-04-02 11:36:17 PM  
Sounds like Pentagon pricing.


Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Maryland car dealer will install $8 door guards on your new car for you. For $1,495

So... you're saying there's a catch?


No, the catch is $3,995 extra.


And at that price point, they better be filled with pearls and caviar drenched in panther blood.

The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down and the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.
 
2012-04-02 11:38:50 PM  
Anyone point out that the $1495 was not, in fact, for the door edge guards but for Adjusted Market Value?

Many dealerships slap that on. When the Miata first hit the showroom floor they were asking $5k over sticker.
 
2012-04-02 11:39:00 PM  

itsfullofstars:
I'll never forget when he got to the point of signing on the dotted line, asked to see the vehicle one last time, they pulled it up and had put one of those stickers on the back while cleaning the vehicle up. We all got in the car that was to be traded in and left. Mom was pissed. I was in awe.


Heh... "ALWAYS be ready to walk away from the deal" is one of the key things I was taught. I think you might be interested in this video:

How to use game theory to buy a car (new window)
 
2012-04-02 11:41:57 PM  

NightOwl2255: itsfullofstars: I'll never forget when he got to the point of signing on the dotted line, asked to see the vehicle one last time, they pulled it up and had put one of those stickers on the back while cleaning the vehicle up. We all got in the car that was to be traded in and left. Mom was pissed. I was in awe.

They say you have to pick your battles. Sounds like your old man picked the most inane, meaningless battle out there. No doubt he walked a littler taller for weeks after winning that skirmish .


If the agreement was that the stickers are removed and the dealer didn't honor that tiny little detail, what else are they screwing you on? I don't consider that an inane battle at all. It's about holding people to what they agreed on.
 
2012-04-02 11:42:39 PM  
My grandfather once went to buy a GMC truck and the dealer tried talking him into a hitch for a $100 more back in the '60's. Grandpa said no, he didn't need it. The salesman tried the 'it will help on the farm' line to no avail. The salesman did relent after grandpa started for the door, however the hitch was already welded to the truck. Grandpa was planning on putting on a hitch later himself, instead got one for free.

/as told by dad
 
2012-04-02 11:44:27 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: How to use game theory to buy a car (new window)


Yeah but what if you're financing the vehicle?
 
2012-04-02 11:45:30 PM  
Well, if he offers a list price $2000 below these other guys who say they throw 'em in for free... TANSTAAFL. You either find the bottom line good or not.

There's no point in being all that offended if they did an absurdly low list price to begin with and there being a "catch", except for the fact that they didn't disclose that it's essentially going to be a mandatory charge and advertised a false price.
 
2012-04-02 11:45:36 PM  
Back in '84 the local Pontiac dealer actually put a sticker on Fieros that said "additional dealer mark-up $1,500.00". You had to admire their honesty.

/and now they're out of business...
 
2012-04-02 11:46:57 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: itsfullofstars:
I also insist that any dealer name be removed from the vehicle. Whether a license place frame or one of those stupid stickers on the back. I dont advertise for you for free.

It's like we're brothers! You're the only other person I've ever found who won't put up with that.


I don't ask that it be removed, but I happily remove it the instant it's off the lot.

I don't wear shirts or hats with a name brand or logo on them for the same reason. I'm not advertising for The Gap or Nike for free. They pay thousands for magazine pages or billboards. I'm a walking advertisement, so if I'm wearing a shirt that advertises your brand on it in big letters, you'd better be paying me whatever you pay for a billboard, but doubled for my traveling fees.
 
2012-04-02 11:48:30 PM  
I could have bought my last 3 vehicles for that amount.
 
2012-04-02 11:48:51 PM  

NightOwl2255: Anyone point out that the $1495 was not, in fact, for the door edge guards but for Adjusted Market Value?


It's more fun to biatch about it.
 
2012-04-02 11:49:17 PM  

Britney Spear's Speculum: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: How to use game theory to buy a car (new window)

Yeah but what if you're financing the vehicle?


Why would that change anything? The financing that they're willing to offer you is part of the negotiation, isn't it? Or secure your own financing before you call. You should know what you can afford to pay before you shop anyway. And "what you can afford to pay" should be the total dollar amount you can afford, not what you want your monthly payments to be. That's a huge trap that dealers use to snare you into paying more than you can afford. "Oh, you can only afford $200/month? Well, how about if we stretch your loan out to seven years instead of five? That will lower your payment!" And then you're stuck paying on a car for seven years. You'll be lucky if the car itself lasts for five.

Personally, I'd rather just pay cash, but I realize that it's not always possible to do that.
 
2012-04-02 11:51:44 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: If the agreement was that the stickers are removed and the dealer didn't honor that tiny little detail, what else are they screwing you on? I don't consider that an inane battle at all. It's about holding people to what they agreed on.


Not to put too fine a point on it but he wrote, they pulled it up and had put one of those stickers on the back while cleaning the vehicle up. So the lot boy washed the car and noticed that the little dealer sticker was missing and put one one. BFD. Anyone that would walk away from a deal over that is looking for a reason to walk away.
 
2012-04-02 11:52:54 PM  
When the PT Cruisers first came out the dealers around here were marking them up 3k over sticker.
I laughed and told him I'll be back when they get their head out of their ass.
 
2012-04-02 11:56:16 PM  

NightOwl2255: Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: If the agreement was that the stickers are removed and the dealer didn't honor that tiny little detail, what else are they screwing you on? I don't consider that an inane battle at all. It's about holding people to what they agreed on.

Not to put too fine a point on it but he wrote, they pulled it up and had put one of those stickers on the back while cleaning the vehicle up. So the lot boy washed the car and noticed that the little dealer sticker was missing and put one one. BFD. Anyone that would walk away from a deal over that is looking for a reason to walk away.


I'm not paying $10,000 or $20,000 or whatever for something that isn't exactly what I wanted. If it's wrong, it's wrong and it needs to be fixed. Period. People take clothes back all the time because they're not perfect and a pair of jeans is only fifty bucks. Dealers have you convinced that they're doing you a favor by selling you a car. By doing so, they've taken away your power. YOU are the one holding the purse strings. YOU are the one that sets the terms of the deal. There are dozens or hundreds of other dealers that will fall over themselves to give you what you want. Why would you settle for only what they'll give you?
 
2012-04-02 11:57:42 PM  

NightOwl2255: Anyone that would walk away from a deal over that is looking for a reason to walk away.


So naive...

/you should have met my grandfather
 
2012-04-03 12:00:28 AM  
That's nothing, I worked for multiple dealerships and outsiders would whither to the ground and assume a fetal position if you knew even 1 percent of the stuff that goes down there. Oh the stories I could tell, good times.
 
2012-04-03 12:01:24 AM  
I was at a Honda dealership sometime last year looking at cars one weekend and they had everything marked up $500 or so. Only time I've seen a dealership do it besides with limited editions.
 
2012-04-03 12:04:08 AM  

cig-mkr: When the PT Cruisers first came out the dealers around here were marking them up 3k over sticker.
I laughed and told him I'll be back when they get their head out of their ass.


Someone who's actually interested in buying a PT Cruiser telling someone else to pull their head out of their ass?

Pot, meet kettle.
 
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