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(Bleacher Report)   Will Big Bossman's ghost help Jericho drag CM Punk's daddy's coffin away? How many hours will Undertaker's intro take? Can Sheamus become World Heavyweight Fella? Will Brock Lesnar appear? It's Wrestlemania 28, 7 PM on PPV   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, Big Boss Man, Brock Lesnar, Randy Orton, WWE, PPV, funeral directors, WrestleMania XXVIII  
•       •       •

5798 clicks; posted to Sports » on 01 Apr 2012 at 6:00 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-04-01 10:20:28 PM  
5 votes:
"The Rock forgot where the ring is Monsoon"

"Well it has been awhile!"
2012-04-04 09:45:54 PM  
4 votes:

Gunny Highway: Dougie AXP: FARK YOU DREW!

Going the Austin, Punk buck the system route, eh?

Grables'Daughter, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.
I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your Attention Whore Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

I don't hate you, Grables. I don't even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people on Fark.

I hate this idea that you're the best. Because you're not. I'm the best. I'm the best in the world. There's one thing you're better at than I am and that's kissing Drew's ass.

You're as good as kissing Drew's ass as Pocket Ninja was. I don't know if you're as good as Bevets though. He's a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.

Whoops! I'm breaking the fourth wall!

I am the best Farker in the world.

I've been the best since day one when I walked into this website. And I've been vilified and hated since that day because Weaver95 saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That's right, I'm a Weaver95 guy. You know who else was a Weaver95 guy? Pizilla. And he split just like I'm splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Pizilla is I'm going to leave with the Attention Whore Championship.

I've grabbed so many of Drew's brass rings that it's finally dawned on me that there just that, they're completely imaginary. The only thing that's real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this tab, in the main page, even in political commentary! Nobody can touch me!

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I'm not on your lovely little favorite lists. I'm not on the cover of the program. I'm barely quoted. I don't get to be in memes. I'm certainly not on any crappy show on the Fark TV. I'm not on the poster of the World Fark Party. I'm not on the signature that's put at the top of each. I'm not on Conan O'Brian. I'm not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.

This isn't sour grapes. But the fact that Bevets is in the main event on the Politics tab and I'm not makes me sick!

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you're the ones who are quoting in those tabs right now. You're the ones that use this site that my quotes aren't at the top of. And then at five in the morning at the geek tab, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because you're too lazy to go get a real job.

I'm leaving with the Attention Whore Championship on July 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I'll go defend it in Twitter. Maybe...I'll go back to Reddit.

Hey, Smiths, how you doing?

The reason I'm leaving is you people. Because after I'm gone, you're still going to pour money into this website. I'm just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Drew is going to make money despite himself. He's a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he's not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, non-sensical, douchebag (censored) yes men, like Skinnyhead, who's going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I'd like to think that maybe this company will better after Drew is dead. But the fact is, it's going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.

Let me tell you a personal story about Drew alright. We do this whole post whore campaign.....

Mic cut off.

2012-04-02 11:00:49 PM  
4 votes:
a1.img.mobypicture.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 10:11:30 PM  
4 votes:
"Does Auswitcz know they have a prisoner missing?"

"Nononononononono Brain, crossed the line there."
2012-04-01 07:38:47 PM  
4 votes:
"Brain, the Big Show doesn't have a great record at Wrestlemanias."

"He chokes harder than Chris Benoit Monsoon."

"Too soon Brain"
2012-04-01 07:22:22 PM  
4 votes:
"The last time I had sex didn't last that long Monsoon."

"and from what i heard, was just as unsatisfying."


"Well read on the bathroom wall, Brain"
2012-04-02 12:25:26 AM  
3 votes:
ultimatesportstalk.comView Full Size

To see me, or not to see me, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Shoulder blocks of outrageous Fortune,
Or to rise Above against a Sea of hate,
And by opposing end them: to job, to sell
No more; and by a sell, to say we end
The Super-Cena, and the thousand Shoulder blocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a Cenation
Devoutly to be wished. To bury to no-sell,
To no-sell, perchance to Super-Cena; Ay, there's the rub,
For in that no-sell of main events, what squashes may come,
When we have shuffled off these five knuckles,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Hustle of so long loyalty:
For who would bear the chants of "Cena Sucks",
The McMahon's wrong, the proud man's Booking,
The pangs of despised Heat, the Troops' delay,
The insolence of Raw, and the Swerves
That patient merit of the unworthy pushes,
When he himself might his Heel-turn make
With a Rock Bottom? Who would WWE bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after jobbing,
The undiscovered Superstars, from whose bourn
No Sports entertainer returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Boots to Asses does make Fruity Pebbles of us all,
And thus the Doctor of Thuganomics
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Smarks,
And enterprises of great Wrestlemania moment,
With this regard their Chants turn awry,
And lose the name of Cenation. Soft you now,
The fair Zack Ryder? Broski, in thy Twitters
Be all my sins remembered.

2012-04-01 10:09:26 PM  
3 votes:
"Why do rap stars feel like they have to constantly remind us where we are and what we're doing?"

"I understand weed has a lot to do with it Brain"
2012-04-01 10:02:35 PM  
3 votes:
"... Did I just take the brown acid Monsoon?"
2012-04-01 07:32:22 PM  
3 votes:
"Kane with the win Brain!"

"Randy is headed to the local Academy sports store to console himself in the gym bag department!"

"Will you stop?"
2012-04-01 06:47:16 PM  
3 votes:
Getting it in early:

media.tumblr.comView Full Size


Biggest. Night. Tonight, CeNation.

A clash of champions, an epic battle spanning 2 era's of athletes. We will all bear witness to greatness as the great one, the people's champ, the most electrifying man in the ring and on the silver screen, faces off against The Rock. Cena's dug deep for this match, going back to his hip hop roots and shaming the People's Twitter Account for weeks now. Cena's had enough of whooping everyone in the locker room, and so to keep is insatiable appetite for carnage under control, Vince . . I mean, Triple Oak, had to call the best 'B' movie agent there is and ask if the Rock is available. The actor was free this weekend, to the surprise of absolutely no one.

After the recent tragedies involving the soldier who killed 17 people, and the shooting involving teenager Treyvon Martin, the troops and the children need John Cena more than ever. And he has answered their call. Training nonstop to defend against The Rocks arsenal of devastating moves like "raising his eyebrow" and kip-ups and the People's Elbow, or as the great Mick Foley called it, "that abortion of a move". While there is no doubt that this will be a battle, as Sun Tzu said, every battle is won before it is ever fought. And Cena has the hops and dreams of a grateful nation ready to carry him to victory.

If he can keep his guard up and control the pace of the fight, he should win, but just in case it gets tricky in there, he needs to remember his:

Keys to Victory
Armbar: Not a move he commonly uses, which makes it great for catching the People's Chump off guard. He won't be so quick to drop a People's Elbow if you rip that sucker out of its socket.
Attitude Adjustment: Literally and figuratively no one is more in need of an attitude adjustment than Dwayne Johnson. The man runs from professional wrestling, then comes back to promote twitter, and has the nerve to call out a man who has carried the WWE on his broad shoulders for years. It's pathetic, and the drop off those shoulders will remind him of whose house he's in.
Five Knuckle Shuffle: An extremely effective variation on the People's Elbow, there is now better statement of "old and tired" vs "new and exciting" than this. Knock him to the ground, intimidate him with your war dance, then drop 5 knuckles of pain onto his stupid eyebrow. However, if after that he's still conscious, you can always unleash the
Flying Shoulder Blocks: "What's that in the sky? A bird? A plane?" No, Rock, you insufferable douche, it's John F*cking Cena hurtling at you like the meteor on Armageddon. And there he is doing it again. And again. And maybe again. No more after that though. What? You think you can counter this with a punch? Cena's cat like quickness will dodge, and you will end up on your back. I'm calling it.

So there you have it, folks, the "how's" and "why's" as to John Cena's inevitable victory. Just like Mitt Romney, you may want the other guy to win, you may concoct elaborate and fantastical reasons why the other guy will win, but you know deep down that Mitt Cena is going to raise his hands in victory. It should be a great match, I'm really looking forward to it.

2012-04-02 11:13:38 PM  
2 votes:
img822.imageshack.usView Full Size
2012-04-02 03:00:23 PM  
2 votes:



2012-04-02 02:35:05 PM

nbrfwhoooo: she, assuming that she is real this time, is a very attractive young lady.

Seriously, this is a big part of what I do not get. She is average at best, and below average for a stripper, at least where I'd go.

I don't have an exact name for her handle so I can't look her up but I remember her having a nice body and nice eyes. I personally thought she was attractive. I think she has stretch marks though and it wouldn't surprise me if she was a single mom to a black baby.
2012-04-01 10:29:20 PM  
2 votes:

slapmastered: Representative of the unwashed masses: Happy Wrestlemania Day everyone!

[ image 599x479]

Hey, you got the original of that pic?

1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 10:04:46 PM  
2 votes:
"That lasted longer than the WHC match Monsoon."

"Brain, Jericho was right, this is the end of the world..."
2012-04-01 09:56:56 PM  
2 votes:

2012-04-01 09:36:02 PM  
2 votes:

Smiths: anyone ever figure out what he writes on the ground before a match?

Your mom's phone number.
2012-04-01 09:20:44 PM  
2 votes:
"Brain, what did we learn?"

"Never trust A big butt and a smile Monsoon!"
2012-04-01 09:03:14 PM  
2 votes:
"Jeez Monsoon! It's like someone played a slot machine and hit the progressive mid-card jackpot!"

"Will you stop?"
2012-04-01 08:00:39 PM  
2 votes:
"And remember Monsoon, that match lasted about fifty times longer than the WHC match we opened the show with"

"I'm sure a lot of people are going to be miffed about that Brain"
2012-04-01 07:46:34 PM  
2 votes:
"Did the Big Show just kiss a man Monsoon?"

"I... Well... Uh... I don't know."
2012-04-04 11:26:42 PM  
1 vote:
have you seen the fear in all those little Dougsters? They realize that when I get DOUGIE_AXP cinched up in the launch position, when I SLAM him through the Thread, brother!---from New York, down to Tampa, Florida, the fault line is gonna break off! And as Dougie falls into the ocean!---as my next two opponents fall to the ocean floor and I pin 'em, so will Rikka and ALL THE DougaMANIACS! But as RIKKA hangs on to the top of the Thread, with his family under his other arm, as they SINK, to the BOTTOM OF THE SEA---THANK GOD Rikka's an ALL $tar! He'll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, DOG PADDLE with his life all the way to safety! But Rikka, if somethin' happens, if you run outta gas, and all those little All Stars, just hang on to the LARGEST BACK in the world, and I'll dog paddle us, backstroke all of us to safety!

2012-04-04 10:27:17 PM  
1 vote:
This is the thread that doesn't end,
Yes it goes on and on my friends,
Some people started commenting not knowing what it was
And they'll continue commenting forever just because...

This is the thread that doesn't end,
Yes it goes on and on my friends,
Some people started commenting not knowing what it was
And they'll continue commenting forever just because...

This is the thread that doesn't end,
Yes it goes on and on my friends,
Some people started commenting not knowing what it was
And they'll continue commenting forever just because...

This is the thread that doesn't end,
Yes it goes on and on my friends,
Some people started commenting not knowing what it was
And they'll continue commenting forever just because...
2012-04-04 10:19:32 PM  
1 vote:
i.imgur.comView Full Size
2012-04-04 09:24:04 PM  
1 vote:

P-Money All $tar: Ok.

Wrestling guessing game

Name the wrestling maneuver.

_ _ _ _ - _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

2012-04-04 08:36:06 PM  
1 vote: Full Size
2012-04-04 08:06:57 PM  
1 vote:
stc.videowired.comView Full Size

This is a broadcast of your emergency YES! system. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
2012-04-04 07:56:40 PM  
1 vote:
whyweprotest.netView Full Size


2012-04-04 07:34:59 PM  
1 vote:

robsul82: nyrkah1: 16. 5255 - "Superbowl XLIV"

Damn, I wouldn't want to cross that, per se...

Oh well, whatevs.

[ image 308x200]

If Favre lives you riot?
2012-04-04 07:08:23 PM  
1 vote:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: FirstNationalBastard: Dougie AXP: FirstNationalBastard: Dougie AXP: FirstNationalBastard: Vince has released a teaser image for the Wrestlemania XXIX Main Event...

[ image 640x359]

My money is on Rainbow Dash

He's also built a decent undercard...

There's the usual Underdog vs. Figurehead match...

[ image 640x360]

And, the special attraction match where they bring in some big beast to face the smaller face

[ image 640x360]


Stuck in the broadcast booth.

[ image 500x281]

Which one is Lawler?

Well, Spike is the serious guy trying to actually call the race, so he must be JR.

Pinkie is full of non sequiturs, so I think she's Booker T.
2012-04-04 04:22:00 PM  
1 vote:

LucklessWonder: Bored, playing with my new laptop's crappy built-in webcam and found my 7 year old's plastic WHC belt, so let me submit myself for the humiliation of the fWc:

[ image 640x480]

picgifs.comView Full Size
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threadbombing.comView Full Size
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2012-04-03 10:21:21 PM  
1 vote:
This is the most back assessed week if wrestling I have ever seen. And I watch David Arquette become a champ!
2012-04-02 11:40:12 PM  
1 vote:
Link (new window)
2012-04-02 11:37:29 PM  
1 vote:
Pink pony is best pony!
images.mylittlefacewhen.comView Full Size
2012-04-02 08:20:34 PM  
1 vote:

KellyKellyKelly: nyrkah1: Two threads......easily confused.....brain hurts.

Too many threads, too many threads!

/shameful thing

Thankfully my confusion only lasted 18 seconds.
2012-04-02 07:44:27 PM  
1 vote:

P-Money All $tar: Dougie AXP: where is the top commented list?

right side of fark. above headlines of the week.

we need 300 more comments to make the top comments page.

we need to go for broke on here til wednesday night!!!

What are the LMS rules. Perhaps you could break them down.

Please limit it to one rule per post though, so I don't get confused.
2012-04-02 05:56:36 PM  
1 vote:

Praise Cheesus: Ah, the joys of being an anti-AW: I have no interest in jewelry, clothes or fancy trinkets. What my brother wasn't understanding is that all I really wanted was some of the tastes of my youth that I have trouble buying where I live currently. I had to remind him that the last time I was in California on business, I had to explain to the TSA why my carry-on had over 10 pounds of dry-cured meat in it.

Missus Smiths is a mechanic. She got floormats for her new car and a tire inflator, plus telescopic tools for her huge-ass toolbox.

She heard about AWs once from me. The second I explained it, I got a stern look dead in the eyes followed by a "You will never participate in that ever".

After my more recent ban, she wanted to make an account here just to be able to do Farkbarks to the mods about how bullshiat it was.

I love her.

So anyway, yeah.... what's going on? We all rock that's what!


hope to be back around RAW time, deifnitely will be back before it ends. This thread was farkin' perfect during upgrades today. Everyone assumed I was writing out e-mails or directions or instructions or doing Systems Management... when really I was just typing into the comment box all day

"Oh you're typing something up, i'll come back"

2012-04-02 04:58:58 PM  
1 vote:

robsul82: Rwa2play: Taylor was gassed after taking maybe what, 3 minutes of punishment from Bam Bam?

Something like that. Whenever anyone asks him about it, he says to this day it was more exhausting than playing in the Super Bowl.

/and that he spent the XI paycheck on crack

I take that to mean that Jake Roberts trained LT?
2012-04-02 03:08:31 PM  
1 vote:

nbrfwhoooo: and it wouldn't surprise me if she was a single mom to a black baby.


did not see that line coming.
2012-04-01 11:45:33 PM  
1 vote:
I think we can all agree that the big shock of the night was Age In A Cage actually being entertaining.
2012-04-01 11:10:36 PM  
1 vote:
With the Daniel Bryan match.....I dunno. It was a shameful thing, but he lost his head. With not paying attention to the match he could have wound up dead. He wears his sin and disdain for AJ like it's some sort of prize. Sigh....too many limes, too many limes.
2012-04-01 11:07:18 PM  
1 vote:

Captain Steroid: Well, this WrestleMania was better than last year's. Rock vs Cena, while not as good as Hulk Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior, was better than Hogan vs Sid Justice. :P

BEST match goes to CM Punk vs Chris Jericho. :D

WORST match goes to the WORLD TITLE match that was shorter than this post was to type! >:-(

I'll see you guys later! Now...

[ image 500x281]

images.mylittlefacewhen.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 10:58:49 PM  
1 vote:
Where's Brock?

You all told me there would be Brock.

Why is there no Brock?

The dirt sheets are never wrong.

Where the hell is Brock?

Why did they go to black before Brock?
2012-04-01 10:53:57 PM  
1 vote:

star_topology: Fisty Bum: Is it wrong that I'm greatly amused by the pony pictures?

While there is some notable creativity with a lot of them, the answer is still "Yes."

/it's creepy

Captain Steroid is the Patient Zero for FWC Bronyism.
2012-04-01 10:52:32 PM  
1 vote:

Fisty Bum: Is it wrong that I'm greatly amused by the pony pictures?

i6.photobucket.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 10:46:26 PM  
1 vote:

Grand_Moff_Joseph: Cena was never the best at selling. He should take notes from Ziggler

Ziggler would've won the steak knives in Glengarry Glen Ross.
2012-04-01 10:42:51 PM  
1 vote:
i.imgur.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 10:42:33 PM  
1 vote:
Becareful Rock your movie career could be in danger with these big moves you're taking
2012-04-01 10:42:30 PM  
1 vote:
This is like Flair-Steamboat, except every pro-wrestling move is replaced by shouldblocks.
2012-04-01 10:39:07 PM  
1 vote:

verbaltoxin: So just as the People's Elbow was about to happen, the scene in Bridesmaids showed up where Melissa McCarthy shat in a sink.

i6.photobucket.comView Full Size

/and it's called "Ortoning"!
2012-04-01 10:30:41 PM  
1 vote:

Representative of the unwashed masses: Smiths: P-Money All $tar: Smiths: yeah my post count is f'd

Like the rest of your miserable life?

You lost your smile.

Phoning it in doesn't help.

maybe i should just sign up with an ALT like you and start over after everyone ignores me because i'm a queer biatch

I'm happy you chose tonight, the biggest night in the fWc to come out, but that's not important right now...

you wish you could have this cock in you

and like

rubbing you all gently as you fell asleep

because you feel all safe and all next to it

like you're the most secure person in the world because ya know

everythign is gonna be alright

because you know you're feeling loved
2012-04-01 10:24:11 PM  
1 vote:
JC is getting shat on so much he must feel like the audience at a G.G. Allin concert.
2012-04-01 10:22:01 PM  
1 vote:
Rock needed directions to the ring written on his wrist.
2012-04-01 10:03:57 PM  
1 vote:

images2.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

2012-04-01 09:57:18 PM  
1 vote:


dontmindifido.comView Full Size

/goodnight everyone
// I'm spent
2012-04-01 09:30:18 PM  
1 vote:


jesus, we still got an hour and a half...two 45 minute matches?

/nah we ain't that lucky

this will be done in 5 minutes. Funkasaurus will get a Wrestlemania Squash, an hour of promos, Rock spends 20 minutes singing, Cena raps, and WE'RE OUT OF TIME!! Watch Raw tomorrow to see the march!
2012-04-01 08:49:18 PM  
1 vote:
i.imgur.comView Full Size

hellllloooo, whats all this then?
2012-04-01 08:35:50 PM  
1 vote:
Miami would have burned.
2012-04-01 08:13:02 PM  
1 vote:
Mohawk Taker will kill the long hair and eat his heart

3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 08:10:33 PM  
1 vote:
wonder if those gauntlets give you +5 melee.
2012-04-01 08:09:40 PM  
1 vote:
Undertaker's entrance gear supplied by Gur'thak's of Mordor. Suppliers of fine dark armor to evil beings everywhere.
2012-04-01 08:09:09 PM  
1 vote:
April Fools! That's Kevin Nash!

/Super Shredder
2012-04-01 08:08:19 PM  
1 vote:
images2.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
2012-04-01 08:05:43 PM  
1 vote:

Gunny Highway: JR has some shiat on his face.

I'm sad to report that JR has joined the Kiss My Ass Club.
2012-04-01 08:02:06 PM  
1 vote:
"Run it's evil JR!!"
2012-04-01 08:01:42 PM  
1 vote:
You know what wouldn't last longer than the WHC match?

Me with Kelly...

or Maria...

or Beth...

or Eve.
2012-04-01 07:59:59 PM  
1 vote:
One eye going one way, one eye going the other, Shawn's nose in the middle goin' "Whaddaya want from me?"
2012-04-01 07:57:42 PM  
1 vote:
If Brock comes out to F5 all of these girls, I will piss myself.
2012-04-01 07:53:26 PM  
1 vote:
"Sign in the audience Brain, says 'I came for Beth Phoenix"

"As did a lot of men Monsoon."
2012-04-01 07:50:09 PM  
1 vote:
"Well, Beth has some rather unorthodox head gear there Brain."

"There are some wired bugs in South Florida Brain"
2012-04-01 07:45:50 PM  
1 vote:
Great job kiddo! I've been waiting for a young guy like Big Show to finally get a push. Great win for an up-and-comer.
2012-04-01 07:19:54 PM  
1 vote:

BiggityBanninated: So after that trash I am basically rooting for a "Bullshiat" or "We want refunds" chant from a hopefully smark scrowd.

2012-04-01 07:12:35 PM  
1 vote:
3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 07:07:23 PM  
1 vote:
2012-04-01 07:06:05 PM  
1 vote:
I hope we have a moment like Wrestlemania XX, when Eddie celebrated in the ring at the end of the night with himself!

i6.photobucket.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 06:58:01 PM  
1 vote:

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: The Dead Man kinda looks like The Old Man

[ image 430x548]

4.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
2012-04-01 06:56:38 PM  
1 vote:
My wife was happy, I grilled fajitas, homemade spanish rice, guac, pico de gallo and fire roasted salsa.

"What's the occasion?"


"I like Wrestlemania...ok, see you later tonight for sex."

God bless that woman.
2012-04-01 06:27:49 PM  
1 vote:
FINALLY... Wrestling HAS COME BACK to the Sports thread. Haters, git.
2012-04-01 06:22:49 PM  
1 vote:

silgryphon: HHH in his best match ever (new window)

I came across this today.

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