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(Fark)   Do you have a crazy roommate story?   ( fark.com) divider line
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3750 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Feb 2012 at 1:55 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-02-23 11:06:30 PM  
Just that she was insane lesbian that chewed tobacco, bought jerky by the 20 lb box and played softball. I came home early one time to find 3 girls in my bed.

not as hot as you'd imagine
 
2012-02-23 11:06:33 PM  
Nope.

I'm the crazy roommate.
 
2012-02-23 11:11:34 PM  
One of my suitemates in college was crazy dirty. She never did laundry and rarely showered. When she moved out she left a bunch of shopping bags behind, so the rest of us were going to use them. Until we started finding squished mice. Ewwwwww.
 
2012-02-23 11:12:44 PM  
No, but there was a lot of crazy people when I was in the Navy and had to sleep in a room with 200 other guys. The worst was this one smelly guy who never washed his sheets. His pillow case was black, though started out white. His chief ended up forcing him to take a shower and put his sheets in the dirty bin, didn't even have to do the laundry himself, that's how lazy and gross that guy was.
 
2012-02-23 11:13:10 PM  
Nope, but my roomie in college has a dozen or more about me.

Once he caught me in the hall with a stiletto trying to get a carpenter ant.

Hey, it's hard to get carpenter ants with a stiletto and I caught it by the door. Why did I have a stiletto? I wanted to see if it was steel or cheap chrome. It was cheap chrome. Stupid wall hangers.
 
2012-02-23 11:15:06 PM  
yes. It ends with him disinfecting his blankets with rubbing alcohol because someone put their stuff on his bed.
 
2012-02-23 11:15:40 PM  

Grables'Daughter: I'm the crazy roommate.


In my freshman year I went through 3 roommates. They didn't bother trying to put anyone with me until my junior year. Then I moved out of the dorms into a 6 man house. No roommates there either.
 
2012-02-23 11:16:09 PM  
Had a roommate that is a film director...

Her dog ruined a wall in my bathroom, pissed on my cisco router and attacked my neighbors cat. Had to pay a fine for her dog's actions too.

Never again.
 
2012-02-23 11:16:25 PM  
Seriously? I thought about writing them down and selling them to Hollywood. Donny was farking nuttier than squirrel shiat!
 
2012-02-23 11:17:21 PM  
Oh my freshman year of college. When I met my roommate, we were both awkward nerds who never had been drunk before and were good students. One week later, he discovered beer and was drunk every night. By the end of freshman year, he was telling me how failing out of the civil engineering program was fine and he would just go to a community college because you don't really need a four year degree to be a civil engineer...

After that experience I moved to the antisocial singles dorms until I could live in an apartment.
 
2012-02-23 11:19:54 PM  
OOoh I also had a crazy one my first year. She was insanely clean. Wore gloves everywhere in the apartment. We could get toilet paper from the front desk for the private bathrooms, and then they ran short, so we'd buy our own. When her mom came to help her move out at the end of the year she was like "oh, can you guys use this?" She had been hoarding rolls of toilet paper in her closet. It was insane.
 
2012-02-23 11:19:59 PM  
I consider all of you my crazy roommate.
 
2012-02-23 11:21:02 PM  
All of my roommates have been examples of how f*cking weird people can be.
 
2012-02-23 11:21:42 PM  
Lots of them actually. Why, subby, do you?
 
2012-02-23 11:22:42 PM  
my post-college roommate was legitimately crazy, like diagnosed and on meds and stuff, but he wasn't really good for stories.

mostly he just slept a lot.
 
2012-02-23 11:22:46 PM  
In my first year of university my roommate was your basic antisocial weirdo vegan who used to stare at me while I ate pepperoni sticks in slow motion. She didn't have any friends and never invited anyone into our room so you can imagine my shock when I awoke in the middle of the night to a a light pressure on my body and a man's voice saying "I like hugging you." She was smushing a giant talking stuffed Eeyore on me and laughing. And she wasn't even doing it to be funny or mean or anything. She seriously thought that was how people interacted.
 
2012-02-23 11:22:57 PM  

InOmnibusCaritas: I consider all of you my crazy roommate.


Good call.

/wait, where'd all my beer go?
 
2012-02-23 11:23:47 PM  
my first college roommate was an oddball......he was an architecture major and he was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaay too attached to his mom. he called her (or she him) pretty much every day. the conversations - pre ipod era, small room - ended like this:


"ok! kisses!"

(her)

"mwah! kissy boy!"

(her)

"me too! kissies! mwah mwah mwah!"

(her)

"Kissy! Kissy mwah mwah kissy boy!"


I still go by the apartment when i'm in tucson. farking ratshack hasn't changed a BIT. seriously.

just googled him. he's out there. as we all are.
 
2012-02-23 11:23:51 PM  
I had a roommate taken away by the cops and committed for about a year.
 
2012-02-23 11:24:08 PM  

gunsmack: /wait, where'd all my beer go?


I drank it!! You gotta problem with that?!
 
2012-02-23 11:25:03 PM  
I lived in an Oxford house for about a year. There were some oddballs that came and went, but most of the steady ones were really cool and interesting people.
 
2012-02-23 11:25:23 PM  

InOmnibusCaritas: gunsmack: /wait, where'd all my beer go?

I drank it!! You gotta problem with that?!


Not at all.

/gonna rub one off in his pilowcase
 
2012-02-23 11:26:34 PM  
No, can't say that I have.

I was a bit off my rocker as a mormon missionary. I couldn't handle being cooped up. I'd try, but eventually I'd lose it and get angry and just leave. One time I lost a racquetball, I turned and flung a metal racquet into the wall. I broke the racquet. I stormed out and walked a mile before I realized what was going on. I would get massive migraines and be in a lot of pain. I never hurt anyone or threatened anyone- I just couldn't handle the strict regimen of it all.

I'm sure to those guys, I was the crazy roommate.
 
2012-02-23 11:27:10 PM  
I always wondered whether commuting to university and living with my parents for a couple years afterwards was a smart decision, seeing as I had very little privacy and everyone else was having fun partying away at school. Then I read threads like this and feel a little bit better. Just a little.
 
2012-02-23 11:27:11 PM  
Admittedly, I've been the crazy, insane and turrible roommate as well. It's not liking I'm without sin on this one.
 
2012-02-23 11:28:36 PM  
The roommate I had the first semester of my freshman year was a fratboy.

He wasn't so much crazy as he was douchey.

Despite the dorm rules explicitly outlawing reptiles, he went out and got a terrarium and a snake. Thing smelled like crap. During random dorm inspections it was found and he was told to get rid of it.

Another time he snuck a girl into the dorm after midnight (deep south college, no co-ed dorms) and f*cked her, in our room, while I was in there asleep. He had the top bunk. The bunk was, shall we say, a-rockin'. Ugh.

Other than that, though, he was actually a nice enough guy for a meat head.
 
2012-02-23 11:28:54 PM  

ibanezdude: I always wondered whether commuting to university and living with my parents for a couple years afterwards was a smart decision, seeing as I had very little privacy and everyone else was having fun partying away at school. Then I read threads like this and feel a little bit better. Just a little.


Heh. Try going to college as a young adult ... and married.

I know I missed out.
 
2012-02-23 11:29:09 PM  
and in the navy when i had to share a room, i walked in on a friend eating his gal's pussy, and then another time, i woke up to my roomate just destorying his gal's pussy.

it was a detached bathroom/shower, and NO DIVIDERS, just a room of about, ohhhhhh, 14' x 20' (i just eyeballed it in my living room) and, yeah......two beds at either end. woke up to like, that shlicky, suction, farked up WRONG sound of a dude just wearing it out and her moaning. YEAH THANKS FOR THE WAKE UP CALL.
 
2012-02-23 11:29:49 PM  

ibanezdude: I always wondered whether commuting to university and living with my parents for a couple years afterwards was a smart decision, seeing as I had very little privacy and everyone else was having fun partying away at school. Then I read threads like this and feel a little bit better. Just a little.


Being forced to live with a stranger in a 10 foot box is an excellent lesson in tolerance.
 
2012-02-23 11:30:17 PM  
When I was in college one of my roommates bought a 200 gallon fish tank and filled it with Oscars. A month later I randomly found a ziplock bag of dead crickets in the freezer.... "fish food"

Worst. Roommate. Ever.
 
2012-02-23 11:31:13 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Heh. Try going to college as a young adult ... and married.



ayup. 24 year old freshman. oh how the 18 / 19 yr old hotties loved mr former navy dude.

oh the trim i left on the table.

oh.

oh the trim.

oh.

requiem for stuff you never crushed in D- (the saddest of all keys)
 
2012-02-23 11:32:58 PM  

Shostie: The roommate I had the first semester of my freshman year was a fratboy.

He wasn't so much crazy as he was douchey.

Despite the dorm rules explicitly outlawing reptiles, he went out and got a terrarium and a snake. Thing smelled like crap. During random dorm inspections it was found and he was told to get rid of it.

Another time he snuck a girl into the dorm after midnight (deep south college, no co-ed dorms) and f*cked her, in our room, while I was in there asleep. He had the top bunk. The bunk was, shall we say, a-rockin'. Ugh.

Other than that, though, he was actually a nice enough guy for a meat head.


I think everyone has a story of their roommate messing around with someone while they're in the dorm room. I've seen and heard some hideous things.

/roomed with a 200 lb + girl and basically with her 300 lb+ bf as well
//how the HELL did both of them fit in those tiny bed?
///I mind bleached it out
 
2012-02-23 11:34:24 PM  
I had a roomate in college who managed the bar where I worked.

He needed a place to stay, an I had an extra room.

It was cool and all, I got all the hours I wanted and we would bring all the barroom skanks home at the end of the night.

However, I was given a new couch and love seat seat that cost 2k, in 1992, for my living room.

One morning I come down and there was a naked chick lounging on my couch. My new couch, with her twat seated upon my pillow where I liked to lay my wee head.

I said" Hey, how ya doing!" She says "great you must be theflatline, I am present for you" and I said "that is cool, but do you mind putting some pants on, cause you know that is a new couch". And she says "no, i am not dirty, and that is a bit of an insult" and trys to seductively squirm her bare cootch all over my new furniture.

I grabbed her under one arm, and her clothes under the other, and tossed her ass out the door.
 
2012-02-23 11:35:27 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Heh. Try going to college as a young adult ... and married.

I know I missed out.


That's very unfortunate. I guess it kind of helped that I'm pretty laid back anyway and most college-style partying wasn't really my thing (except for beer pong, I get super competitive over simple games of skill for whatever reason). I'm much more at home with the young adult parties that I go to now, where everyone eats cheese and crackers, drinks in moderation, and plays board games.
 
2012-02-23 11:36:45 PM  

theflatline: I had a roomate in college who managed the bar where I worked.

He needed a place to stay, an I had an extra room.

It was cool and all, I got all the hours I wanted and we would bring all the barroom skanks home at the end of the night.

However, I was given a new couch and love seat seat that cost 2k, in 1992, for my living room.

One morning I come down and there was a naked chick lounging on my couch. My new couch, with her twat seated upon my pillow where I liked to lay my wee head.

I said" Hey, how ya doing!" She says "great you must be theflatline, I am present for you" and I said "that is cool, but do you mind putting some pants on, cause you know that is a new couch". And she says "no, i am not dirty, and that is a bit of an insult" and trys to seductively squirm her bare cootch all over my new furniture.

I grabbed her under one arm, and her clothes under the other, and tossed her ass out the door.


vincentknight.files.wordpress.comView Full Size
 
2012-02-23 11:37:14 PM  
I moved in with a hot dude and his hot tall blonde GF. They broke up and both wanted to date me. I chose the ween.
 
2012-02-23 11:37:42 PM  
The last (official, as in we were both on the lease) roommate I had was an Oxycontin addict. He used to shoot them up and, as I found out later, he was trafficking pills out of our house, which would have landed me in PITMA as well.

The only redeeming thing about him was when he'd be all f*cked up on hillbilly heroin and try to tell a story.

"Yeah, so this dumbass I work with came in today and .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz ... "

*5 minutes later*

"So I told that biatch that she doesn't deserve a refund because we didn't f*ck up her ord ... zzzzzzzzzz"

*5 minutes later*

"And on my way home I almost ran over the neighbor's dog. It ran right out in front ... zzzzzzzzzzzz"

And on and on. I'd never met anyone in my life, up until then, who could start telling a story, fall asleep, and then wake back up and continue it as if he'd been telling it the whole time.

Oh, and he also almost burned the apartment down falling asleep with cigarettes, leaving the stove on, etc. I was soooo happy when he ended up in jail for a while.
 
2012-02-23 11:38:53 PM  

rickythepenguin: Nadie_AZ: Heh. Try going to college as a young adult ... and married.


ayup. 24 year old freshman. oh how the 18 / 19 yr old hotties loved mr former navy dude.

oh the trim i left on the table.

oh.

oh the trim.

oh.

requiem for stuff you never crushed in D- (the saddest of all keys)


I was 21 with a kid and one on the way. I remember, in one class, I had given a speech on self defense (was studying kempo with a buddy) and had a girl beg me to come over to her place and show her some moves. She was smoking hot. I had another tell me flat out if I walked away from the mrs, I'd be a lucky lucky man. I believed her, too.
 
2012-02-23 11:39:14 PM  
My first roommate and I used to take turns doing to dishes.

By "take turns", I mean that I would take my turn and then she would leave her dishes in the sink for weeks (up to seven weeks at one point) at a time until the smell became so unbearable that I'd break down and do them myself.
 
2012-02-23 11:40:38 PM  

theflatline: I said" Hey, how ya doing!" She says "great you must be theflatline, I am present for you" and I said "that is cool, but do you mind putting some pants on, cause you know that is a new couch". And she says "no, i am not dirty, and that is a bit of an insult" and trys to seductively squirm her bare cootch all over my new furniture.

I grabbed her under one arm, and her clothes under the other, and tossed her ass out the door.


There is no way this is real. Not unless you are shiva...
 
2012-02-23 11:42:25 PM  
*sigh*
 
2012-02-23 11:42:35 PM  
Here's a non-roommate csb:

A guy in my dorm was... special. Honestly, he may have been functionally retarded. Some theater friends of mine took to calling him "Goon" after a character in the Vincent Gallo flick "Buffalo 66," and so shall I.

One evening, I went out with those same theater friends, and goon, to a guy named Vern's place to hang out and watch a movie. With a name like Vern, you would expect an inbred hillbilly, but he was actually a pretty cool, gay, goth guy. After the movie, in the car back to campus, Goon kept going on and on about how cool Vern was. We all were like, "Yeah. He's a pretty good guy."

Later, some sh*t went down.

Apparently, Goon went over to Vern's one day by himself to hang out. They apparently began talking about Vern's homosexuality and Goon expressed his distaste at the idea of gay sex. Vern challenged him with a question along the lines of "well, if you haven't tried it, how do you know if you like it?" Goon, being a moron, thought this was perfectly reasonable and Vern proceeded to f*ck him. Goon, after a while, apparently decided he did not like this, but seeing the baseball bat hanging on the wall* figured that Vern would beat him with the bat if he stopped.

So... Yeah. A day or so passes and I gather the above pieces of the story. I go out with a girl** to a Vampire LARP*** and realize that I needed a source book for something. I run to the dorm, up the elevator to my room, grab the book, and out back to the elevator. And there's Goon.

He asks me if I had heard anything about him lately.

I tell him, yeah, I heard some stuff and I kind of pieced things together.

Then he starts rambling about how you shouldn't listen to people, and how people will make stuff up, and it's all wrong, and...

The elevator opens.

And this isn't right, and I don't know what you heard, but...

I step in the elevator, he does not, the doors close. He's still talking.

I turn to the other guy in the elevator. He says, "That boy crazy."

"Yeah," I reply

/csb

**said girl would later become my wife
***Why, yes. I am a nerd.
 
2012-02-23 11:43:33 PM  
I'm not really a roommate kind of guy. Unless I am married to them. We can argue whether or not my ex wife was crazy or not I suppose.
 
2012-02-23 11:43:36 PM  
oh cool. another TFD thread greenlighted.
 
2012-02-23 11:43:53 PM  

Nadie_AZ: She was smoking hot. I had another tell me flat out if I walked away from the mrs, I'd be a lucky lucky man. I believed her, too.


i never had anytihng that blatant but.......ugh. yeah. it is what it is as they say.

there are no dress rehearsals in life. so what you -- or i -- did, is like, whatver. i try not to trip on it.
 
2012-02-23 11:44:36 PM  
My last roommate was extremely anal about the kitchen (very understandable, btw) and about the Internet connection going down for even a second (which then fell on me since it was under my name).

When I was in college I walked into my third year apartment for the first time to find the coffee table covered in beer bottles and a few handles of booze on top of the fridge. And a few hung over people sleeping on the couch.

/mostly lucked out with the roommate lottery
 
2012-02-23 11:44:55 PM  

rostit: oh cool. another TFD thread greenlighted.



best i can figure is a reverse outing. instead of saying which TFer did something stupid, they expose what TFers freely admit to doing sometihng stupid.
 
2012-02-23 11:47:43 PM  
I had a roommate who used my cooking pot as a vomit ready bucket.

I wasn't pleased.


One room-mate who left me in a dive bar on Halloween night when she was my ride. I was even less pleased.


But as far as roommates go, I've been fairly lucky.
 
2012-02-23 11:47:55 PM  
I had to kick a roommate out for stealing our food and leaving jars of piss around. Turns out the piss was used as fertilizer for the 25+ pot plants he was growing. A couple weeks after we kicked him out we heard he was arrested for the plants.
 
2012-02-23 11:48:03 PM  

rickythepenguin: rostit: oh cool. another TFD thread greenlighted.


best i can figure is a reverse outing. instead of saying which TFer did something stupid, they expose what TFers freely admit to doing sometihng stupid.


that sounds more positive than my theory that subs are down so far that the dog and retard show of TFD is being trotted out to sucker in more pasty neckbeards and 'curvy' girls who wear corsets.
 
2012-02-23 11:52:06 PM  
What about coming home to find your roommate took pills and booze and tried to kill herself? And then having to ride with her to the hospital?
 
2012-02-23 11:52:51 PM  
One of my freshman year roommates was a horror show.

To name a few of her disgusting habits/neuroses:

As we were on the basement floor, she was convinced that if we left our windows open at any point in the day, we would be raped, so she instead got permission to install an A/C, but since she was functionally retarded, she installed with cardboard and duct tape, because god knows that would stop a rapist.

Because she was a theatre major, she was sort of crazy, so she would be melodramatic about EVERYTHING.

To save on laundry, she wouldn't change her underwear, she would just change panty-liners instead.

She would only shower once or twice a week.

She stole money from all of us.

When she finally moved out during the second half of the year, she "got revenge" on us by narc-ing on us that we had alcohol in the room--in a dry town on a dry "zero-tolerance" campus. Nice little bit of trouble for us.

God, she was such a biatch. I hate that stupid c$%t.
 
2012-02-23 11:56:47 PM  
craziest roommate story, i think, would be from my first sober house. the girl i'd been sharing my room with had OD'ed and died in our room so i spent a couple nights on the couch. the owner asked me if i'd join her church group to "pray over the room" with them. i'd explained to her many times during my residence that i wasn't really christian like-that and didn't go. she texted me after to go home because she'd be spending the night in my roommate's bed.

i got home. she said "bed time!" and it was around 9pm. uh. ok. it was nice of her to be in there with me what with it being a difficult time and not wanting to be alone like that. she told me all about the prayer group and how the pastor had asked god (himself) to bless the next seven women who slept in the bed. so she wanted to be first.

i don't really "believe" so much in this power of prayer/blessingsy sort of stuff. but that b*tch did. and she stole a "blessing" from a woman she was supposed to be helping. not that i believe she helped anybody; i had a bunch more issues with that place and her specifically but that's probably the wackiest of it.
 
2012-02-24 12:05:22 AM  
My dorm roommates were relatively cool although if not a bit annoying.

First dorm roommate would watch nothing but the Gundum anime series. Now while I like anime, that is one anime I refuse to watch today.

Second dorm roommate would fark his girlfriend at night while I was trying to sleep. I tried to ignore it but eventually I had enough and told them they had to fark elsewhere and they did.


Like I said, nothing to bad just a bit annoying.
 
2012-02-24 12:07:22 AM  
I had a roommate whose asshole was pinker than a kitten's nose.
 
2012-02-24 12:07:48 AM  
This guy answered our ad for a new roommate. I was the only chick with 4 guys. He kept going down to the basement with my roommate/bf...so I snooped around. He was growing weed in a cubbyhole.

I fought with the other roommates about getting rid of him because what had been a fun, keg party type house turned into a drug house with random people sleeping on our couches and the other roomies constantly fighting over money and dope. Eventually, the plants grew taller than me and he moved them into his room. You could smell them outside, much less in my bedroom next to his. I moved back into the dorms mid-semester. My first night with the new roommate ended with her drunk in the hallway screaming and crying to her friend about being raped a couple years before...we shared a bathroom with two other girls. One had a baby (gave up for adoption) and left dirty catheter bags and bloody items in the shower. The other left a dead fish on her desk as an experiment and they NEVER SPOKE to one another.

/subbette and first green
/had a bad day and wanted to read some csb's
 
2012-02-24 12:09:00 AM  

eyehate: I had a roommate whose asshole was pinker than a kitten's nose.


but you've only ever lived with your parents.
 
2012-02-24 12:09:42 AM  
I had a roommate who burned out my pots and pans, ruined my stereo, had a bad case of b.o. (that a gallon of patchouli could never cover up, although she did her best to try) ran up giant phone bill with collect calls (didn't pay any of said bill), and dated a guy who seriously thought he was a vampire. Said vampire would give her shots of ketamine in her thigh that made nasty bruises. Lucky for me they didn't shoot it at my place. Her anguished ex-to-be husband would call (collect) looking for her after a long day of mortitian classes.

God, how I wish I made this up.
 
2012-02-24 12:09:52 AM  
Ugh, yes.

*deep breath*

My sophomore year in college, I shared a one bedroom apartment with a roommate I will just call Crazy. We made an agreement at the beginning of the year that neither of us would get a pet, since the place was already pretty small.

About 3 weeks into the school year, I get a phone call from Crazy, informing me that she bought a dwarf hamster. I hate hamsters, and we had made the agreement, but she gave me this speech about how she was so lonely and the hamster made her feel better, so I caved and didn't ask/tell her to get rid of it. She was a history major, so she named the thing Napoleon (Napoleonic complex, ha ha).

The whole school year, I hated that hamster. It ran in its stupid little wheel all night long and I would have to shut the cage in the bathroom just to get some sleep. My boyfriend even offered to stage a break-in while I was out of town and "accidentally" let it out of it's cage and out of the apartment.

Fast forward to 2 weeks before finals. I'm asleep in my bed when I am awoken at 2:30am by Crazy sitting on the edge of my bed, sobbing hysterically. I shoot awake thinking her family has all been killed or something, and I grab her by the shoulders and ask her what is wrong, and she finally sputters, "na-naa-naaaaapoleon!" I leave her sitting on my bed, and go out into the living room, where its cage is.

The hamster had always enjoyed climbing around on the wire walls of his cage. Well, apparently this time, he had crawled up on top of the outside of his running wheel, then somehow got himself stuck between the wheel and the cage. In his effort to free himself, it seems that he pushed, twisting the wheel, thus twisting his own neck and Napoleon was officially history.

I walked back into my bedroom and in my delirium, I asked Crazy if she wanted to bury Napoleon. She put the dead hamster in his running ball with some hay and some treats, and I drove her to the beach. We dug as much of a hole as one exhausted girl and one hysterical girl can dig (not much... I pity the child that decided to dig a hole on the beach the next day). We put the hamster in the hole, and then Crazy told me that we should say something. Since the words in my head were probably not the nicest at that moment, I let her go ahead. And, sadly and almost amusingly, Crazy proceeded to give the sweetest eulogy I have ever heard, for Napoleon.

We finished burying him, I drove her home and put her to bed, then crawled into my own bed to get another 2 hours of sleep before work.

/Still friends with Crazy
//Still hate hamsters
 
2012-02-24 12:12:14 AM  
welcome to the thread of tl;dr, liters. $5 gets you all this and a jpg of a cat.
 
2012-02-24 12:17:50 AM  

rostit: welcome to the thread of tl;dr, liters. $5 gets you all this and a jpg of a cat.


funnyjunksite.comView Full Size

This cat.
 
2012-02-24 12:20:07 AM  
No, not really. Well, maybe for Southerners.

When I lived in the baracks in Fort Campbell me and my roommate were both from the north. I am from Maine and he was from MI. So, during the night, we would set the AC to 40 degrees fahrenheit. Those were some good deep sleep nights.
 
2012-02-24 12:24:31 AM  
My first roomate was a basketball player at a small college, very much on the wild side, but the benefits (girls, parties) were fun for a freshman. When the party started, it was animal house. The first person to pass out woke up with a stuffed deer head in bed/couch with them. The dude was also a brawler so going to the bar was always interesting. It was all fun until the first chem test.

/This was not a great environment for a biology/chem degree
// it's where I learned about the library and hospital cafeterias for studying
///It lasted a semester when I moved out on good terms
////when I read his obit some ten years later, being stabbed to death, it did not surprise me in the least
 
2012-02-24 12:26:27 AM  
Nothing wacky, but I was in a 3-person room freshman year and my roommates were horrible. They decided 2 weeks in that they wouldn't acknowledge my existence, and even on some occasions wouldn't move out of my way if I needed to get by. I got along with pretty much everyone else, so going back to my room was this huge downer.

Also, the room was on a floor with a lot of theater people. Don't get me wrong, I liked them. But I could have done without the musical rehearsals right outside my door at 2am.

So the first year wasn't so great. Never had a problem otherwise though.
 
2012-02-24 12:27:40 AM  

coco ebert: What about coming home to find your roommate took pills and booze and tried to kill herself? And then having to ride with her to the hospital?


Once came home and found one of my room mates dead of a cocaine overdose and the other one explaining that he hadn't called 911 cause yet he wanted to talk about how to divide up the dead guy's stuff. Don't particularly miss either of them.
 
2012-02-24 12:30:11 AM  
Hoo boy. How about the roomate who would chill out in his room all day, every day, with episodes of Family Guy playing loudly in the background as he spent the 10 straight hours it took to kill a damn boss on FF11. Or the roommate who had a girlfriend, and would invite her over often and they would go in his room and do obvious things, and then later we would be hanging out in his room and he would proudly point out the huge wet spot (gee, thanks dude). Not as bad as when he walked around in his boxers and then would just randomly flash you his dick and think it was hilarious.

And then the next roommate, who immediately assumed it was cool for him to set up all his battlestation computer shiat in the living room (which shared a wall with the SO and I's bedroom) while we were at work and then loudly blared drum and bass through the night when I had to open the next damn morning. He didn't have any sort of job, he was 27 and his parents paid for EVERYTHING (the rent, his food, all his toys). He had a car but refused to leave the house, and his breakfast/lunch/dinner consisted of Papa Johns and Chinese food and Spam. He would literally just grab a can of Spam and eat it. One day he and my BF were chilling around the house and this guy was looking really down, as he usually did because he was a mopey asshole, and my BF made the mistake of asking what was wrong. "Do you think wyltoknow likes me?" "Yeah dude you're her friend." "Well yeah but I don't think she likes me as anything more than that. *sigh*" WTF really?! When he finally got the fark out, he left a bunch of his stupid artist shiat and sewing needles all up in the carpet which our next roommates were still finding with their bare feet a year later.

The roommates we had after though were so cool that it made up for everything, so it all worked out I suppose.
 
2012-02-24 12:30:25 AM  
in college i shared a 4 br house w/ 3 others.

one roommate brought home a hitchhiker (bob) that had been rolled and his meds stolen. we let him sleep on the couch, numerous times during the night bob went into some of the most contorted expressions while bouncing off the walls in some sort of seizure while cursing loudly. one episode included knives.

i'll leave it at that
 
2012-02-24 12:45:18 AM  
One pissed on my bed, because he was mad about the women I had in the dorm room all the time.
One would eat only in her room, and installed a lock on her door and when we asked her to bring the dishes down, she refused to admit she had any in her room. The next night, when she was in the shower, we snuck in her room and found piles and piles of disgusting, mold ridden, mildewed dishes under her bed, sink, in and in her closet. We gagged and almost vomited. She must have figured it out, because the very next day, all those dishes were gone from her room.
 
2012-02-24 12:47:06 AM  

thomps: eyehate: I had a roommate whose asshole was pinker than a kitten's nose.

but you've only ever lived with your parents.


I can only hope my asshole is nearly as pretty as my father's.
 
2012-02-24 12:52:03 AM  

eyehate: thomps: eyehate: I had a roommate whose asshole was pinker than a kitten's nose.

but you've only ever lived with your parents.

I can only hope my asshole is nearly as pretty as my father's.


I think it's one of those generic things where you take after your mother's father, which is too bad because your grandpa's asshole was just a mess
 
2012-02-24 12:56:51 AM  

SnackCake: One pissed on my bed, because he was mad about the women I had in the dorm room all the time.
One would eat only in her room, and installed a lock on her door and when we asked her to bring the dishes down, she refused to admit she had any in her room. The next night, when she was in the shower, we snuck in her room and found piles and piles of disgusting, mold ridden, mildewed dishes under her bed, sink, in and in her closet. We gagged and almost vomited. She must have figured it out, because the very next day, all those dishes were gone from her room.


wtf?

Did I live with you? I had one of those. She put a front door lock on her door and one night when she was in teh shower I pulled the lock cylinder and dumped the tumblers out. She had so many dishes in her room and empty boxes of crackers and crap.
 
2012-02-24 12:58:16 AM  
Oh man, I had to go and dig up the DIT from a thread I posted a few years ago. It's long as hell, but uggggh.
----

Backstory: My roommate is irresponsible, doesn't clean up after himself, and has a dog that destroys anything you leave out. He will very soon be my ex-roommate.

Sadly, none of this is exaggerated. Apologies for the serious Tolstoy, but I really can't post the yucky part without the rest of the story without worry for the thread getting yanked.

And now, the Tolstoy!

The not-yucky but asinine part:

A couple of days after getting back from Thanksgiving, I was steam cleaning the carpets and opened his bedroom door to clean up a stain in the hallway. I noticed the remnants of a speaker on his bedside table. I stopped to look at it and recognized that it was one of MY speakers. Specifically, the left rear surround speaker from the system in the living room. Gnawed to hell.

His dog, she is psychotic and troublesome. And a pit bull. This dog has issues to begin with, but he rarely even takes her out, much less gets her exercise, and doesn't discipline her. Since I also have a dog, his logic is that I can just take care of them both all the time.

In addition to numerous pairs of shoes, she has destroyed the back panel of a couch cushion (which thankfully can be repaired), my sewing kit, the cat's scratching post, the thermal carrying case to my crock pot, and an expensive and incredibly important textbook (which she'd pulled off of my bookshelf to destroy), she's gotten into hundreds of dollars worth of yarn and tangled them to the point where they weren't salvageable. He always says he'll pay for the damages, but never has.

When I'd been in Savannah for a conference for 3 days a couple of weeks earlier, he closed the door to my room so that destructo-dog couldn't invade... with my cat inside. He never tried to let her out, much less move her food and litter box into my room. My cat had to survive on toilet water for three days.

He also cleaned the house only once. Right after he moved in, I was taking a long exam and he cleaned up the downstairs area until it was spotless. I thought this was going to be an awesome roommate - but he never cleaned again. I think he took out the trash once, after I asked him twice. He'd leave plates and random trash around the house, and I'd have to do a sweep and clean up everything after him every day or two.

He never actually slept in his bed more than a few times, either. Always on the couch. It got REALLY old when I wanted to stay up late, or perhaps wanted the chance to fall asleep on the couch myself from time to time.

Anyway, I didn't say anything about the speaker, because I wanted to see when he'd mention it. He never did. But today I had a really good reason to bring it up.


The yucky part:

Last weekend, my best friend came to visit, and stayed on the couch. On Sunday morning she told me that my roommate had come down repeatedly in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

Ooook, I think. Why the hell isn't he using his own bathroom that's in his bedroom?

That evening he came in with drain cleaner, and left it sitting on the table for a few days. When he finally grabbed it to take it upstairs, I asked if his sink drain was slow, as mine is.

No, he told me, his toilet's been clogged up and he BROKE THE PLUNGER, so he was going to try the drain cleaner.

I stopped him, obviously, because I didn't want the ceramic to crack and/or explode and have to deal with a freshly brown bathroom. I told him to buy a new plunger or borrow one from work, and if that didn't work that I'd borrow a plumbing snake from a friend.

I never saw him bring in a new plunger, so today I decided to go check on the status of the toilet.

OH. MY. FARKING. GAWD.

There was a shiat soup in his toilet that reached the level of where the water would normally go. I had to scoop it up with a styrofoam cup and carry it in a towel into my bathroom to flush it. Five times. I won't go into the rest of the detail about the cleaning process, but after about ten minutes of clycling between clean, gag, run for air, repeat, it was clean and running properly again.

And so:

While I had been typing up the DIT about the yucky part, He showed up for a few minutes before heading back to work a little while ago. I told him that I'd cleaned his toilet and that I was pissed that he'd left it that way for so long. He looked kind of stunned and stammered a little. Then I asked when he was going to tell me about the speaker. Again, I got a deer-in-headlights kind of look and he said that he'd forgotten about it.

He went upstairs for a minute (presumably to look at his now-clean toilet), and when he came back down I told him that I needed to get this house seriously cleaned up and ready to sell. He seemed surprisingly ok and said that he'd start looking for a place and would help me do the cleanup.

He still owes me about $250 (plus $250ish for non-yarn damages), which I will likely never see. All this in the course of three months.

Good. Farking. Riddance.

tl;dr section: My roommate doesn't clean up after himself, has a dog that's destroyed a lot of my property, and left a seriously clogged toilet full of shiat soup for over a week. And I'm finally getting rid of him.
 
2012-02-24 01:05:06 AM  
Melopene...did he move out soon after?

That is SICK
 
2012-02-24 01:08:22 AM  

sharpiegreed: Melopene...did he move out soon after?

That is SICK


Yeah, I managed to get rid of him. That was right before I moved back to Alabama. I'm still pissed about the cat thing, though.
 
2012-02-24 01:14:20 AM  

melopene: tl;dr section: My roommate doesn't clean up after himself


I'm messy, but I fix toilets and am obsessively kind to animals.

I feel a LOT better about myself. Also, my mess is confined to MY ROOM.
 
2012-02-24 01:14:42 AM  
I don't feel so good after reading that ...
 
2012-02-24 01:26:19 AM  
Oh, all that DIT was from before my next extended absence, when he used my desktop computer instead of his own computer to watch RedTube for a couple of weeks straight, and left his used tissues under the desk in my bedroom.

What's sad is that the roommates I've had since haven't been much better. The last one was so filthy that mice invaded the house. Thankfully, I'm finally in a position where after my next move, there will be no more roommates at all, ever.
 
2012-02-24 01:26:28 AM  
Wasn't there a Village People song about this?
 
2012-02-24 01:33:23 AM  
I had a roommate in the dorm days that used to have phone sex with his fiancée right after I'd go to bed. No possible way I could be asleep yet. They were really religious and hadn't had sex, but he couldn't wait to "kiss her butt". For reals.
 
2012-02-24 01:35:42 AM  

VTGremlin: I had a roommate in the dorm days that used to have phone sex with his fiancée right after I'd go to bed. No possible way I could be asleep yet. They were really religious and hadn't had sex, but he couldn't wait to "kiss her butt". For reals.


Your spank sock must have gotten quite the workout.
 
2012-02-24 01:37:43 AM  
He was a mormon. He got better.
 
2012-02-24 01:55:49 AM  
I am the crazy roomate story.
 
2012-02-24 01:58:52 AM  
I'm the crazy roomate.

After drinking way, way, way too much I decided the best way to sober up was to get in the shower. I passed out and flooded the apartment. True story.

/still get shiat for it
//well deserved, haha.
 
2012-02-24 02:00:14 AM  
I don't have time or inclination for all the details, but one month after moving in I moved out, and then six months later finally got the police to press charges and the crazy, evil biatch went to jail.
 
2012-02-24 02:00:20 AM  

monty666: VTGremlin: I had a roommate in the dorm days that used to have phone sex with his fiancée right after I'd go to bed. No possible way I could be asleep yet. They were really religious and hadn't had sex, but he couldn't wait to "kiss her butt". For reals.

Your spank sock must have gotten quite the workout.


I guess I should have clarified. 2 virgins that probably haven't watched porn having phone sex. And he really said things like "I can't wait to kiss your butt" and then giggled awkwardly. It was...well, it was definitely an experience.
 
2012-02-24 02:00:20 AM  
CSB to all, and to all a CSB goodnight.
i42.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2012-02-24 02:01:25 AM  
Had this roommate named Shawn in college. He was a "photog" major. ex volunteer fireman. There was this "girlfriend," Reyla, who was in all these pictures. Always in the same pose. From about 20 ft away. Pre-photoshop.

/Otherwise, also scary.
 
2012-02-24 02:01:26 AM  
I had a roommate once. then I got her pregnant and then I had two

/First Fark post how'd I do?
 
2012-02-24 02:02:19 AM  
Lycanthropy. Nuff said.
 
2012-02-24 02:03:08 AM  
 
2012-02-24 02:04:06 AM  
I lived with a really cool guy once, but he was a sleep walker. One night his girlfriend was staying over, and during the night he went to the bathroom and, instead of going to his own room, got back into bed with me. I had come home really drunk, so that night I was out like a light. I vaguely remember him getting into bed with me and grabbing my ass. I was so drunk I just squirmed away from him and fell back asleep pressed up against the wall. The next morning I woke up first... I sat up in bed and said "dude, what's up man?" He woke up, totally shocked, mumbled something like "what the f*ck?", and went back to his room.

The best part is that his girlfriend was still there. He was pretty embarrassed at breakfast time, and his girl couldn't stop laughing about it. I walked into the kitchen and something like "so, how does this work... should I cook you breakfast now or something?"

Otherwise, he was an awesome housemate though.
 
2012-02-24 02:04:22 AM  
You mean crazy-scary like the one who accused me of attempted murder or crazy-kooky like the one who did Earth Goddess photography or crazy-stupid like the one who asked, "Is it okay if I do my house arrest here?" after he'd moved in or crazy-weird like the guy who kept his motorcycle in his bedroom then just cleared out his stuff and disappeared one day?

'cause I got stories. I just don't know which one to tell.
 
2012-02-24 02:06:16 AM  
all my former roomies now reside peacefully under my kitchen floorboards. so there is that.

anyone looking for to rent a room?
 
2012-02-24 02:06:50 AM  

blondski: Just that she was insane lesbian that chewed tobacco, bought jerky by the 20 lb box and played softball. I came home early one time to find 3 girls in my bed.

not as hot as you'd imagine


I had two lesbians as roommates once. One was a phone sex girl was was probably the most boring phone sex girl you can imagine. She was also a compulsive cleaner. She once tried to change my sheets while I was still asleep. The other one was a poetess who kept passing herself off as my son (she was actually quite pretty).

I kind of miss them.
 
2012-02-24 02:09:08 AM  
Two room mates, one was a friend for 10 years at this point, the other a friend for 8 years, were dating (I knew them both longer than they knew each other). They were drunk and fighting in the most physical way, and she swung a Bicardi bottle and clocked me in the head.

Boy, that was a lot of blood.
 
2012-02-24 02:12:11 AM  

Spamby: I had a roommate once. then I got her pregnant and then I had two

/First Fark post how'd I do?


Work on your capitalization and punctuation.
 
2012-02-24 02:13:28 AM  

Omahawg: all my former roomies now reside peacefully under my kitchen floorboards. so there is that.

anyone looking for to rent a room?


Dunno. I like to wander around naked and oblivious to the odd things happening around me. Is that cool? Also I only like opaque shower curtains.
 
2012-02-24 02:14:59 AM  
Yes.

Not saying it now, tomorrow maybe. Sleep beckons.

/ somewhat of a bookmark but with purpose.
 
2012-02-24 02:15:28 AM  
I once went a few hours without doing dishes... I felt pretty guilty about it. Sometimes I get night terrors though and punch a wall in my sleep... I've been told this by both bedmates & roommates. The wall sometimes leaves evidence too.
 
2012-02-24 02:18:15 AM  
Am I the only one who goes through these threads to make sure they aren't mentioned?
 
2012-02-24 02:18:25 AM  
My roommate was this weird ass Filipino guy. Actually, he doesn't appear weird at all. Or didn't do one really big weird thing. Just has a lot of weird anecdotes that just makes him seem, well, really farking weird.

He'd listen to Barry White while doing anything, because he thinks it'd make the event seem that much sexier. He'd comment how he just had the sexiest grocery shopping experience ever after taking his iPod loaded with Barry White tunes.

He used to sneak around and take people's cell phones to set the sax solo part from George Michael's "Careless Whisper" as their new ringtone.

He'd biatch about how he's been going to the same Starbucks every day, ordering the exact same drink, hoping that one day the workers there will finally catch on and say, "Just the regular today?"

He once went on an angry rant about how the facial recognition feature on his iMac computer thinks all of his Asian friends are the same person and wrote an angry letter to Apple.

He also ranted about "customer service is dying in this country" when he was told that "this isn't that kind of massage parlor."

When he uses an urinal, he'd pull his pants all the way down to his ankles like a 4-year-old kid. Farking embarrassing.

He once put a neighbor's dog on craigslist. I guess that was cool, the neighbor was an asshole anyway.

And the dude was OBSESSED with Disney movies. He complained that Minnie Mouse was really Mickey in drag, and how it was farked up that Pluto was Goofy's pet, even though they're both dogs.
 
2012-02-24 02:18:35 AM  
People actually have roommates? I thought that was something only in movies, or for poor people.
 
2012-02-24 02:19:35 AM  
I moved into a three-bedroom, six-dude suite in the dorms partway through the semester. There were two bathrooms, but everybody only used one.

I asked why, and one guy was like, "The other one is TJ's bathroom. We can't use it." (TJ was one of two moderately scary black football players in the suite). So I'm like, "Screw TJ, I'm taking a shower."

Turns out it wasn't TJ's bathroom because he didn't want us to use it. It was TJ's bathroom because he had gotten drunk about three months previously and puked and pissed all over the place and never really dealt with the situation. DEAR GOD, SIR. I've smelled sweeter dead animals.

So for the rest of the year, everybody but TJ shared the one bathroom (he was apparently OK with it). Then on move-out day, the RA finally stumbled across it and about lost her mind.

That cleaning deposit was the best $100 I ever spent.
 
2012-02-24 02:21:06 AM  
Back when I was working on this laser project in college, some guy was living in my closet. I didn't even know about it for half the semester!
 
2012-02-24 02:21:51 AM  
I rented my basement suite to this middle-aged lady. Her boyfriend was a trucker and she needed a place to stay while he was on the road. She seemed ok so I let her move in. The minute her stuff was in the driveway her boyfriend broke up with her and we never saw him again. This lady had no car, no drivers license, no job and knew no one in the area (small town).
First week she lived in her room listening to sad country music. Second week I never saw her once. I get a phone call the next week from the local pub and was asked if I knew the drunk lady that keeps begging for money/food/booze and trying to sell herself to the local boozehounds. So I said that she was my new tenant and I didn't really have much to do with her otherwise. The pub put up with her bullshiat for another few days then banned her from the place.
that next night i come home from work to find out shes been drinking all day in the house. the whole place is a mess and she is quite the mess herself. after turning down repeated offers to "see what a real lady can do in bed" I decided to go to bed early and deal with her in the morning.
After I get to sleep she goes back to partying until my girlfriend comes home from work. The drunk lady starts going off on my girlfriend. She is yelling and screaming and blaming her for all sorts of crazy stuff... the drunk then starts to hit and punch my girlfriend.. im fast asleep and didnt wake up. finally my girlfriend breaks away and runs to the bedroom to wake me up... with the crazy drunk behind her chasing her with a knife. i wake up to a frenzy of screaming women and a knife getting swung around. I grab my shotgun from the closet and point it at the crazy drunk lady. she runs and I close the bedroom door and barricade it closed. My gf calls 911 while i keep the shotgun aimed at the door. all is quiet for about 5 mins before the crazy drunk starts smashing on the door and stabs it a few times with a knife. I kept yelling that if she comes through the door im going to shoot. my girlfriend is screaming and crying on the phone with the 911 attendant. Police are still a minimum of 20 minutes away (they come from the next town over). tense standoff ensues with me promising to kill the drunk biatch and her trying to break down the door. Finally the cops come and my gf calls out the bedroom window that the drunk lady is armed with a knife and in the house somewhere. cops bust in the door, breaking the door and window beside the door. A fight with the drunk lady goes down.. holes in walls, taser used.. was pretty crazy.

police take her away for the night and the next day they escort her, and her 90+ year old dad, to my house to clean out her stuff. luckily i had not gotten her to sign a tenancy agreement.. so the cops said the best thing to do was pretend we never rented to her. worked fine for us and never saw the lady again. we didnt press any charges, but i think she still served time for the use of a deadly weapon.

/crazy story bro
 
2012-02-24 02:21:51 AM  
Roommate played:
Collective Soul - December
Powderfinger - My Happiness
and some "everything" song I can't name
Over and over. He complained that before the roommate before me left, roommate played the same three songs over and over. I really think he had no idea he was doing it. He just loved those songs. He would sing along poorly when I was wearing headphones like I was directing air traffic or something.

He would do that thing where he's behind you in the hall and he doesn't say anything and then when you get to your door he stops with you (and starts laughing). It was cute the first couple times. He did it all the time.

All he talked about was going back to Japan. He longed for it. He didn't speak Japanese (I asked), he grew up on a US military base.
 
2012-02-24 02:25:54 AM  
Hotel job in the Catskills. Summer 1982. The staff hired for the summer were pretty much slaves to the hotel from July 4th week to Labor Day week. No time to go anywhere more than a few miles away, but you got a bed of your own in "the barn" and access to the pools and stuff in the time between meals.

The place was notorious for going through dishwashers and pot washers (the human variety). They rarely lasted more than a week or two. We had this one guy who claimed to be a Vietnam veteran, although he was too young to have been there. He was generally likeable, but would obsess over demonstrating all the ways he could get you into a choke hold and how many ways he could conceal a knife. He often bragged about how easy it was to kill people quickly. He really kind of creeped us all out, but he was reliable in the kitchen, so the owner kept him. He quit suddenly about 5 weeks into the summer and we were all so farking relieved he was gone. We went to clean up his stuff he left behind 3 days later to make room for his replacement. Under his bed was 2 boxes full of porn, rope, pulleys and a couple of knives. Mind you, you only bring what you need to get you through the summer, so exactly how the rope and pulleys and knives worked into his summer plans, we were afraid to speculate.
 
2012-02-24 02:27:13 AM  

moothemagiccow: Roommate played:
Collective Soul - December
Powderfinger - My Happiness
and some "everything" song I can't name
Over and over. He complained that before the roommate before me left, roommate played the same three songs over and over. I really think he had no idea he was doing it. He just loved those songs. He would sing along poorly when I was wearing headphones like I was directing air traffic or something.

He would do that thing where he's behind you in the hall and he doesn't say anything and then when you get to your door he stops with you (and starts laughing). It was cute the first couple times. He did it all the time.

All he talked about was going back to Japan. He longed for it. He didn't speak Japanese (I asked), he grew up on a US military base.


So you're saying it was a nonstop erotic f*ckfest between you and him?
 
2012-02-24 02:28:01 AM  
I came home from working the night shift to find my roommate naked, drunk, legs freshly shaven, looking at a picture of a girl doing bad things to a horse. He then looked at me and said, in a very nonchalant tone, "I have a carrot up my ass."

I went to bed.

I moved out three days later.
 
2012-02-24 02:30:04 AM  
Yes.

He played football for Michigan Tech. Tony was his name. I came back from work one night around 2AM during Winter Carnival to find him jerking off to porn on the TV. I quietly slipped into my room and didn't say a word. He had the TV loud enough I wasn't heard arriving (it was 2AM I was trying to be quiet), that, or he didn't care someone walked in.

He was also an abusive boyfriend to his woman, who happened to play volleyball for Tech as well. God that sucked living there for one semester.
 
2012-02-24 02:31:33 AM  
Yes!!!
 
2012-02-24 02:31:33 AM  
I had a roommate that had anal seepage and whenever she stood up, it sounded like a child eating pudding.
 
2012-02-24 02:31:41 AM  
Way too long a story to type in here, but I had one that was absolutely certifiable back in college. Here's a link to the full story:

The World Famous Dave Story (new window)
 
2012-02-24 02:33:19 AM  
Does my ex-wife count?
 
2012-02-24 02:33:44 AM  
Had a roommate who disappeared without any warning for a couple months, apparently because he (probably rightly) believed that the police were after him. Let him back in only because he had a fairly large cheque to cover back rent, and having covered the full rent for 2-3 months without having a clue whether he was coming back, I needed it.

Not long after returning, I was out for New Year's Eve, and came back to my apartment with a friend. Said friend had heard stories, but she hadn't met him. Opened the door, and he was pacing madly around the place, with all of the lights turned off...he grabbed me by the shoulders and asked if I had a crowbar or a baseball bat, because he'd gotten into a fight with a friend of his, and wanted to go back and finish the job. As said friend lived in the same building, this seemed like a really terrible idea, so my friend and I got out of there. As we were going down the stairs, we heard a loud crash; he'd found a golf club, and was attempting to break down his friend's door with it...thankfully, while he wrecked the door, he didn't manage to get inside the apartment.

Needless to say, he got evicted; I didn't (nor was I held liable for the door, even though he wasn't on the lease), because my saint of a building manager took pity on me. They even opted not to charge him...just banned him from the premises, and that should've been that. But being the brain-damaged moron that he was, my now-former roommate returned to visit, and the building manager (all 5'2" of her) confronted him. He assaulted her, stole her keys and purse and threw them on the roof, and then fled. Resulted in a lovely little conversation with the police, and the last I ever heard of him, he was up on assault and trespassing charges that he may or may not have skipped out on.
 
2012-02-24 02:33:58 AM  

eyehate: anal seepage and whenever she stood up


Nobody wants to hear about the last TFette you boned.
 
2012-02-24 02:34:15 AM  
Well I wouldn't say the guy was crazy.....just gross, annoying, and weird. I suppose I agreed to room with him out of cheer sympathy at the way people treated him.Letting aside the fact that he had greasy hair and facial hair, watched anime, pretended he could speak japanese, quieted rooms simply by entering them, and went "mmmmmm" for no apparent reason from time to time, maybe I could have put up with him for a year.

That was until I was on his computer looking for porn and found a folder titled private. Honestly who does not look in a folder titled private? To be fair I had a feeling he was a pedophile and was seeing if he saved anything illegal I could report. Well I wished I hadn't because it contained a webcam video of his fat ass masturbating his tiny penis in OUR shared dorm room while I was at class. Horrified at the sight of it I tried to put it out of my mind, feeling a little violated. Then my next door neighbors came over a week later and by chance snuck on his computer, found the folder and video, passed it around to everyone in the dorm. It wasn't long after that I snapped at his creepiness and got in a fistfight with him, making my transition to a new dorm room with a gleefully normal person easier.
 
2012-02-24 02:34:31 AM  

sems740: When I was in college one of my roommates bought a 200 gallon fish tank and filled it with Oscars. A month later I randomly found a ziplock bag of dead crickets in the freezer.... "fish food"

Worst. Roommate. Ever.


Why? Because he had fish?
 
2012-02-24 02:39:56 AM  
One college roomie had some serious avoidance issues. He had returned to the states after being out of the country for 2 years, and he would leave post-its with his comments and critiques EVERYWHERE on how we should conduct ourselves, but would NEVER look us in the face and call us out directly. And he even managed to avoid acknowledging peppering the house with a hundred post-its.

A little rat weasel, he was.
 
2012-02-24 02:43:45 AM  
I once had a roommate that would purposefully sleep with his arms across his chest after going on coke binges, so that he could still rest comfortably when he woke up dead in a body bag.
 
2012-02-24 02:46:20 AM  
Submitted this thread (TF required) years ago when I had a woman living with me who wouldn't pay her share of the rent or move. It turns out that's about all she does for a living. Myself, I still haven't completely recovered financially. It even affected my relationship with my family. It's a big trauma in my history.
 
2012-02-24 02:46:23 AM  

codemastaflex: Am I the only one who goes through these threads to make sure they aren't mentioned?


I go through them to make sure they got the details right. I see that some of them didn't. I may need to go back and remind them.
 
2012-02-24 02:46:25 AM  

quatchi: coco ebert: What about coming home to find your roommate took pills and booze and tried to kill herself? And then having to ride with her to the hospital?

Once came home and found one of my room mates dead of a cocaine overdose and the other one explaining that he hadn't called 911 cause yet he wanted to talk about how to divide up the dead guy's stuff. Don't particularly miss either of them.


:-O Whoa.
 
2012-02-24 02:48:59 AM  
One thing I never experienced was living in an apartment..

When I was 18 I moved to Toronto and moved in with my Cousin - 4 guys renting a house... And a couple years later I took over the lease on that house..

Always tried to rent to students who went to the same school I did... But there were times when I went to the newspaper to find someone..

BAD MISTAKE!

The first time, 3 weeks after the guy moved in, cops show up and question ME about all these tools and tile in the house (guy said he worked for a contractor and did tile work) - cops took all the stuff that was apparently stolen, and guy never came back...

Next time, this really quiet guy...a bit strange, but OK..1st month in, someone who grew up in the area tells me the guy had been in jail for years - used to sell hard drugs to the local high school... He left at the end of a shotgun 2 months later when I asked him again, umm...you know, rent was due 3 weeks ago, and he threw me onto a stack of beer bottles stacked in the corner (broke a rib!) and a friend who was in the military & had stopped by for a few days, 'escorted' him out..

SO I often just 'ate' the costs...was helping out college students... Did this for 10 years (8 of them with me having the lease)....18 to 28 years... And I lost a LOT of money doing it - college students often cannot pay their rent or bills, and I was always covering for them!

Had to end tho - I was getting older - I couldn't keep up with their level of drinking anymore!

SO like any good 28 year old, after throwing away 8 years of working and making good money, I had nothing to show for it, I moved back in with MA & PA...But just for 2 years. 2 years of not supporting college students, and trying to keep up with them, and I put 20K away and bought my own place.

That was in 2000.

Still going strong now, but don't want roommates anymore! I'm too old and grouchy now.

/HEY watching 'City Slickers' on TV! Have I become Curley?
 
2012-02-24 02:49:51 AM  
I had a room mate for one term that was really dumb. One day he decided to point a bb gun (that looks very much like a small calibre rifle) at some random stranger on the street (from our livingroom window). Said stranger thought it was a real gun and apparently called the cops. Maybe 40 minutes later (timeline is fuzzy as we were drinking) our one washroom is in use (by the guy who pointed the gun) so one of us went outside to piss. He didn't come back for like 20 minutes so we wondered what the fark happened to him. Someone went out to see what the fark happened and all we heard was "put your farking hands on your head". The ERT (SWAT) team was outside (along with at least 4 regular cop cars blocking the street). They had us come out one by one and then searched the house. There were no charges, and they didn't even confiscate the bb gun. The only shiatty thing is that the farking pigs stole some of our beer. There were 4 cops that went into the house and and we were short 4 beers.

More of a dumb room mate story, but the getting a visit from the swat team was pretty cool.
 
2012-02-24 02:50:23 AM  
My first roomie was a chronic masturbator. We called him, "Huskin' Hank." He would pop in a pr0n DVD and go to town no matter who was in the room with him. I once had 4 other people in the room, and Hank just stripped and did his thang right in front of us.

/The real irony is that he complained that he couldn't drive a stick shift.
 
2012-02-24 02:51:22 AM  
My first semester in college I was put together in a suite with a really prissy girl. She was from out of state and moved in with an entire house worth of stuff that took up both of our closets and just about every square inch of the floor. Our room had one phone jack and she got her phone into it first. So, for the rest of the semester, she wouldn't let me use the phone because it was her phone and she'd lie to people who called for me. She also had a boyfriend who attended a military college a few blocks away. They would come over and kick me out of the room. But I could never bring my boyfriend in the room because it was "unchristian" and "sinful".

I still had my boyfriend over every chance I could. And I finally made a big stink out of the phone. Somehow the RA got involved, which, I'm sure, was the highlight of his tenure. His solution was that I "be allowed" to plug my own phone into the jack and make calls. And I would continue to "be allowed" to use my phone so long as I remembered to plug hers back in.

There is so much more. fark her. I hope her ultra-christian military boyfriend got deployed too often and murder suicided them both.
 
2012-02-24 02:52:57 AM  
My freshman year dorms were four to a "suite," that had a bedroom, a dayroom, and a bathroom. Once I woke up in the middle of the night and needed a glass of water, so I went into the living room to find one of my roommates masturbating furiously to some pretty twisted and deviant pornography. But I didn't say anything, because really, that's kind of a douchebag move, and the situation could just as easily have been the other way round. So I affected to not see him, got my water, then went back to bed. Never said a word to him about it again.

I've never had a really bad roommate experience, so either I've just been lucky or I was the weird roommate. Entirely possible.
 
2012-02-24 02:53:14 AM  
I had a Bolivian roommate who accused me of theft, and when they were informed that I was out of town and unable to perform said theft, the stolen item magically appeared at the door.

Yes, he really was that stupid.

I had another one who was a compulsive liar and tried to pass of an obvious web model as his girlfriend.

The one girl who came to visit him, ended up in my room.
 
2012-02-24 02:54:38 AM  
i had a roommate who *REALLY* loved her dog.

/never been able to look at labs the same.
 
2012-02-24 03:04:36 AM  

Summer Glau's Love Slave: My first roomie was a chronic masturbator. We called him, "Huskin' Hank." He would pop in a pr0n DVD and go to town no matter who was in the room with him. I once had 4 other people in the room, and Hank just stripped and did his thang right in front of us.

/The real irony is that he complained that he couldn't drive a stick shift.


That is ... That is.... Umm - Wow.. ya.. Is he in jail now?

I don't understand that - In my younger years I was a horny closeted gay guy who lived with a LOT of other guys, and I could not imagine such a person..and I'd be freaked by someone so, umm, OPEN!

And I cannot imagine anyone I ever lived with just 'letting that happen'!

/maybe its true - I AM old and not 'with it' anymore!
 
2012-02-24 03:05:46 AM  

Klippoklondike: No, but there was a lot of crazy people when I was in the Navy and had to sleep in a room with 200 other guys. The worst was this one smelly guy who never washed his sheets. His pillow case was black, though started out white. His chief ended up forcing him to take a shower and put his sheets in the dirty bin, didn't even have to do the laundry himself, that's how lazy and gross that guy was.


/the four peso version
 
2012-02-24 03:06:36 AM  
I was the bad roommate, but seriously why do colleges put four people in a room that's like 10x10 with no air conditioning. It's crazy. And they knew I was mentally ill-I mean I was up front and told the college. And having to try to keep your Tourette's under control through sheer will power because of having roommates is just torture. I did go home every weekend though, so gave the roommates some relief. I felt bad for them, but it wasn't like I had any other options. Living on campus was mandated even though they didn't have enough rooms and a lot of people were forced into overcrowds.
 
2012-02-24 03:08:59 AM  

monty666: So you're saying it was a nonstop erotic f*ckfest between you and him?


bobby?
 
2012-02-24 03:10:20 AM  

Robo Beat: My freshman year dorms were four to a "suite," that had a bedroom, a dayroom, and a bathroom. Once I woke up in the middle of the night and needed a glass of water, so I went into the living room to find one of my roommates masturbating furiously to some pretty twisted and deviant pornography. But I didn't say anything, because really, that's kind of a douchebag move, and the situation could just as easily have been the other way round. So I affected to not see him, got my water, then went back to bed. Never said a word to him about it again.

I've never had a really bad roommate experience, so either I've just been lucky or I was the weird roommate. Entirely possible.


You knew what was proper then..

I had an 'experience' when I was 21 or so... My room was in the basement.. One of the guys opened the door, came down the stairs, SAW what I was up to - I didn't see him (music was on) - He says out loud OH SORRY! Then proceeds to walk across the room to my bed when I'm 'busy' and HAND ME THE MAIL!

HE could have just turned around and left & I would never have known... But he had to make his presence 'known' - to which I paniced and covered up ...and then walk 15 feet over to my BED to hand me something, which I then automatically reached out to grab with my right hand that had been busy just seconds before!

/that was a weird experience..
 
2012-02-24 03:10:24 AM  
I got caught by my roommate once when I walked in on her while I was masturbating.
 
2012-02-24 03:10:40 AM  
I had managed to go my entire adult life without ever having a roommate that wasn't also a boyfriend, until I moved out to L.A.. In the course of five years, I went through three roommates.

Roommate #1 (I moved into her place) was a batshiat insane old spinster. This only lasted a few months before I had enough of her.

Roommate #2 was a co-worker (we got the place together) who decided one day that she was a lesbian, and got really mad at me because I wouldn't let her bulldyke GF move in with us. (Nothing against lesbians, this was just a really HORRIBLE person) They got a place together and broke up a few weeks later.

Roommate #3, Jerry. Jerry was a balding, late 40's fat guy. He reminded me of Geog Costanza. Nice guy, kept to himself in his room. About once a month, he would do an overnight babysitting at our place for the 9 year old son of a friend of his who was a single father.

Flash forward to about two years later, I am back in my home State at home with my 2 month old son and there is a knock on my door. It's the Federal Marshalls, looking for Jerry. Since my address in CA was his last known address, they tracked me down in MN to ask about him. I had no idea where the guy was, since he left no forwarding address with me. I asked them what he did... I was informed that he was wanted on Felony Sex Crimes against children.

Blargh...I really need to go take a shower to wash the "ick" off of me just thinking about it.

/I really, really hope they caught him.
 
2012-02-24 03:14:13 AM  

eyehate: when I walked in on her while I was masturbating.


Nobody wants to hear about your Oedipus complex.
 
2012-02-24 03:15:02 AM  
Crazy? No not really, just shiatty. My last roommate (last ever if I have my way) was just a piece of shiat.

So to preface all this, I own a home, but I used to rent it out. While I can afford the place on what I make, I'm a little house poor after all the bills and savings and so on. Basically life without roommate was having to mind what I spent money on, and not get a whole lot of fun stuff. Life with a roommate was having plenty of money to buy toys, go out, and have even more for savings. I really don't have anything to do with all the space so why not?

Well unlike most roommates, this guy was not a university student. I figured I'd rather have an older roommate, I'm long since not a student myself, and someone who was working might stick around longer than a year and so on. Seemed like a nice guy, though for some reason set off a little warning bell in my head. I told myself I was being silly. Now I know better: Listen to your warning bells, they are well tuned.

Guy was just a useless alcoholic. Got drunk and watched Netflix loudly in his room pretty much every night he wasn't at work (he worked a couple nights a week). Chronically late on rent since he not only made little and spent a ton of booze, but also did everything he could to fark himself over. For example he had a Netflix subscription and a Playstation 3 to stream it to, and also got 2 discs out at a time. However that wasn't enough, so he'd go rent from Redbox. However he wouldn't check his balance, overdraw his account, and then cry because they were so mean as to charge him a fee and they couldn't reverse it since they had already done so like 50 times. He got a real salaried job for a couple weeks, but quit because they took out too much money in child support (really). Guy just could not make a good decision to save his life.

However the real problem came from the fact that he couldn't understand that no smoking in the house means no smoking EVER, yes even if you are drunk. I had a separate addendum to the lease that covered it specifically, since I wanted people to notice and understand it. Was never a problem. Hell I had a smoker live with me and it wasn't a problem, he always went outside. This moron though? He wasn't a smoker... Unless he was drunk and then he couldn't seem to not smoke.

First time I smell a heavy stench of smoke in the house, but I write it off, I figure it must just be from him working in a club forgetting that:

1) Residual smoke on clothes is nowhere NEAR that strong and

2) They banned smoking in bars/clubs/etc a couple years ago.

So happens again and I confront him. He says "Ya I smoked a cigar, I like to do that when I drink," as though it were normal. So I go over the lease and he says "Oh, didn't notice that, ok no problem." I figure this is settled, just him not reading what he signed. Ya, no. He does it again. I get angry and he apologies, says he was just being dumb, throws out the cigars so no more temptation. Good, settled... Not. He then just proceeds to get drunk, and then head to a Circle K, buy cigarettes and smoke those. He remembers to smoke outdoors like once, and then in the house again. I am ready to kick him out but he pleads that he has nowhere to go, no money, etc. So I relent. Maybe now he'll get his shiat together, realizing that his housing is on the line. All he has to do is not smoke indoors. That's all.

Nope, he can't handle that. He goes and buys cigarettes and tries to be all sneaky. He opens the window, rips a hole in the screen, and then lights one up, smokes a little, and tosses it out, and repeats the process later. Of course this does all of nothing, smoke is still heavy in the house when I wake up and now there are a bunch of cigarettes outside. I toss his ass out.

After that, I decided I'd be much more careful about who I rented to. However as luck would have it I got a bigass raise and so roommates were no longer necessary. Now I have a guest room. I much prefer it.
 
2012-02-24 03:15:20 AM  
Had a Pentecostal roommate who used to speak in tongues in the middle of the night. And one time I turned the AC down without asking her first, so she never spoke to me again. Ever. I moved out a couple weeks later. Still not a word.

/liked it better that way
 
2012-02-24 03:16:40 AM  
Junior year of college. I was alone in the apartment (I had 4 roommates). Get a knock at the door one night. Open the door and city cops and FBI push their way in with a search warrant. Long story short, crazy roommate was wanted for murder and had been on the lam for a year. They had picked him up earlier that day and were searching for goods purchased with his victim's credit card. He had stabbed the guy over 40 times and caved his skull in with a statue.

At least they left the weed they found.
 
2012-02-24 03:16:49 AM  
You're going to have to get in touch with my old roomie in college. I remember a time on mushrooms... wait, no I don't.
 
2012-02-24 03:19:18 AM  
My freshman year roommate was a skanky ho from an all girls catholic highschool. From her endless stories it seemed she had been fairly kinky in hgihschool, and had spent a bit of time at the boy's highschool down the road that her school was "paired" with.

Lots and lots of tales of "field trips" with Father Pete and the boy's debate team. Sounded kind of lame on first hearing it, like she was just making shiat up.....but lo and behold about halfway through the year Father Pete came to visit, and ended up banging her. While I was in the front room of the suite.

Classy.

She also had a classic unibrow and waxed everything, and would leave her F.D.S. can on top of the TV.

hdis.comView Full Size


/Now it smells like fish and roses!
 
2012-02-24 03:19:31 AM  

Bunny Deville: in a very nonchalant tone, "I have a carrot up my ass."


well, how should he have said it? ;)
 
2012-02-24 03:22:27 AM  

doglover: Nope, but my roomie in college has a dozen or more about me.


Shall I start with the fire (that was my fault), the cardboard tube, or you going out in full armor to find the mop of cleanliness??


Another roomie wanted me to wash the dishes. Not a unreasonable request. However, he wanted me to wash the dishes with a fever of over 102 degrees, with the worst flu I ever had.

Same roomie also told me to never watch football in my own apartment again (I get loud). On the day of the SUPERBOWL (with my team playing in it) he tells me that I am not welcome at the apartment that night, as there is going to be an anti-superbowl party.

I have a few landlord stories too!!
 
2012-02-24 03:22:45 AM  

x1v16: That was until I was on his computer looking for porn and found a folder titled private. Honestly who does not look in a folder titled private? To be fair I had a feeling he was a pedophile and was seeing if he saved anything illegal I could report. Well I wished I hadn't because it contained a webcam video of his fat ass masturbating his tiny penis in OUR shared dorm room while I was at class. Horrified at the sight of it I tried to put it out of my mind, feeling a little violated. Then my next door neighbors came over a week later and by chance snuck on his computer, found the folder and video, passed it around to everyone in the dorm. It wasn't long after that I snapped at his creepiness and got in a fistfight with him, making my transition to a new dorm room with a gleefully normal person easier.


so you looked on his computer for porn, opened a folder marked "private", and he's the weirdo? mmm-hmmm...
 
2012-02-24 03:23:16 AM  

blondski: Shostie: The roommate I had the first semester of my freshman year was a fratboy.

He wasn't so much crazy as he was douchey.

Despite the dorm rules explicitly outlawing reptiles, he went out and got a terrarium and a snake. Thing smelled like crap. During random dorm inspections it was found and he was told to get rid of it.

Another time he snuck a girl into the dorm after midnight (deep south college, no co-ed dorms) and f*cked her, in our room, while I was in there asleep. He had the top bunk. The bunk was, shall we say, a-rockin'. Ugh.

Other than that, though, he was actually a nice enough guy for a meat head.

I think everyone has a story of their roommate messing around with someone while they're in the dorm room. I've seen and heard some hideous things.

/roomed with a 200 lb + girl and basically with her 300 lb+ bf as well
//how the HELL did both of them fit in those tiny bed?
///I mind bleached it out


aforementioned dog-farking roommate aside, my only other one was kind of hilarious.


so i'm in A-School(electronics) in petaluma. dorms were brand-spankin new, stick frame construction, you could hear a loud conversation through the walls if you were quiet.

i wake up one night realizing one of two things: one, i have to poo. badly. like, i'm almost doubling over, cause it hurts.

two, that my roommate is having rather noisy phone sex with his girlfriend back in missisippi.

so i'm laying there, trembling, sweating, and shaking ever so slightly. felt like eternity.

i realize it's get up or **** myself. i'm steeling myself to get up and as i prep to roll over and try to act like it's no thing, the tension in my belly forces my hand prematurely.

*BRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTPRRRPRPRPPPRPPRPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT*

it was, in a word, enormous. never in my life have i farted thus. it hurt. i will swear to you on a stack of c-notes as tall as i am that i damn near tore a hole in my shorts that night.

in the deafening silence that followed only two things could be heard. the first was his girlfriend screaming 'oh you farkING ASSHOLE' into the phone and hanging up, hard.

the second was one of the people in the room above ours going 'what the frick was that??' and the guys in the room on either side biatching at each other.

i'm dying, meanwhile. trying my damndest to NOT crack up laughing, pretend like i'm still asleep.

everyone settles. doors shut, people climb back into bed. silence reigns.

then a gravelly utterance comes to me in the dark.

'dude. that was farking huge. are you ok?'

three noise complaints regarding me laughing hysterically.

/good times.
 
2012-02-24 03:25:37 AM  

eyehate: I got caught by my roommate once when I walked in on her while I was masturbating.


There's an app for that...
 
2012-02-24 03:25:37 AM  

Bunny Deville: "I have a carrot up my ass."


You owe me a new keyboard, monitor, and pants.
 
2012-02-24 03:26:29 AM  

The Banana Thug: My roommate was this weird ass Filipino guy. Actually, he doesn't appear weird at all. Or didn't do one really big weird thing. Just has a lot of weird anecdotes that just makes him seem, well, really farking weird.

He'd listen to Barry White while doing anything, because he thinks it'd make the event seem that much sexier. He'd comment how he just had the sexiest grocery shopping experience ever after taking his iPod loaded with Barry White tunes.

He used to sneak around and take people's cell phones to set the sax solo part from George Michael's "Careless Whisper" as their new ringtone.

He'd biatch about how he's been going to the same Starbucks every day, ordering the exact same drink, hoping that one day the workers there will finally catch on and say, "Just the regular today?"

He once went on an angry rant about how the facial recognition feature on his iMac computer thinks all of his Asian friends are the same person and wrote an angry letter to Apple.

He also ranted about "customer service is dying in this country" when he was told that "this isn't that kind of massage parlor."

When he uses an urinal, he'd pull his pants all the way down to his ankles like a 4-year-old kid. Farking embarrassing.

He once put a neighbor's dog on craigslist. I guess that was cool, the neighbor was an asshole anyway.

And the dude was OBSESSED with Disney movies. He complained that Minnie Mouse was really Mickey in drag, and how it was farked up that Pluto was Goofy's pet, even though they're both dogs.


This dude sounds like a scream. I would totally be bros with him, though it's debatable if I'd want him in my house.
 
2012-02-24 03:27:12 AM  

buttery_shame_cave: 'dude. that was farking huge. are you ok?'


That's awesome.
 
2012-02-24 03:27:41 AM  
My first roommate in college:

• Had a collection of knives, including one of those nifty Klingon ones where the two little mini-knives pop out of the sides. He would very seriously threaten people with them when they beat him at Smash Bros.

• Had a huge collection of porn, including pictures of himself masturbating and he and his fat girlfriend having sex. This would be fine, normally, except it was his screensaver.

• Interspersed amongst these pictures was a substantial amount of child porn. This would pop up on his screensaver when my friends were in the room. Nobody ever called him on it, including me...I think I was honestly afraid he'd stab me in the night.

• After I moved out in the 2nd semester, he was caught harboring a 15-year-old girl who'd run away from home. They met online, of course.
 
2012-02-24 03:33:55 AM  

A Bloody Disaster: eyehate: anal seepage and whenever she stood up

Nobody wants to hear about the last TFette you boned.


I do! I do!

was she pretty enough to leave the lights on?

did you take pictures?

/inquiring slashies
 
2012-02-24 03:34:38 AM  
I should preface this by saying I'm pretty sure all my old roommates would call me the crazy one. I really miss one of my old roommates and I know I frustrated the hell out of him from time to time. But, the dude pissed in jars and left them in his room. He insisted it was because he didn't want to wake me or the other roommate at night. I know guys can be gross, but to quote Jimmy Valmer, come on.

He played online poker all the time and would leave his computer on 24/7 with several poker websites open. This led to his computer having a ridiculous amount of spam, including audio ads that would randomly boom from his speakers and scare the crap out of everyone. It was most fun when I'd have the place to myself and a sudden menacing voice would holler at me. The spam turned our IP address into a spammer, which made shiat like banking and doing schoolwork impossible. Eventually we were off the spam list and I attacked his computer, getting rid of all the spam, malware, viruses - and there were thousands of each. I told him it was fixed and protected as best I knew how. The next day, he removed everything.

He was very easy to scare/startle. Often he'd collapse into a heap just when you walked up behind him and said hello. I took a bunch of shipping tape and a realistic plastic skull and made the skull a little tape hammock in the toilet. When he lifted the lid and saw a skull looking him in one eye, he jumped back, flailing wildly, peener halfway out. My other roommate, whom he was dating, saw the whole thing and couldn't even walk properly from laughing so hard.
 
2012-02-24 03:37:31 AM  

codemastaflex: Am I the only one who goes through these threads to make sure they aren't mentioned?


No.
 
2012-02-24 03:37:37 AM  

geom_00: On the day of the SUPERBOWL (with my team playing in it) he tells me that I am not welcome at the apartment that night, as there is going to be an anti-superbowl party.


You thought you were going to watch the super bowl during the anti-super bowl party?
 
2012-02-24 03:40:10 AM  
I used to rent the top floor of a co-worker's house... He was easy enough to get along with, but he had a habit of bringing home strippers, who would then move in with us for a few weeks before the inevatable screaming breakup, after which I'd come home from work and find half my cookware and any DVD's I had left downstairs had dissapeared.

A month later, he'd have new stripper girlfriend and the cycle would repeat. I learned not to leave anything downstairs.
 
2012-02-24 03:40:15 AM  

Bunny Deville: I came home from working the night shift to find my roommate naked, drunk, legs freshly shaven, looking at a picture of a girl doing bad things to a horse. He then looked at me and said, in a very nonchalant tone, "I have a carrot up my ass."


That's not a bad roommate... that's farking Ambien...

25.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2012-02-24 03:40:57 AM  
I'm sure my ex-roommates have a few.... ask them.
 
2012-02-24 03:44:57 AM  
I had this roomie one time..

He was a real freak...

Said his name was Francis..

But wanted to be called 'Psyco'..

Said if anyone called him 'Francis', he'd kill us.

And he didn't like anyone touching his stuff, told us to 'keep our meathooks off'.. If he caught any of us in his stuff, he'd kill us...

And he didn't like ANYONE touching HIM! He told us if any of us 'homos' touched him, he'd kill us..

I thought all hell was gonna break loose when my Buddy Warren, who we called 'Sarg', said to him:

"Lighten up Francis!"

That was in 1981...

Scary thing is, Warren died within a year of that happening(Its true! I looked it up!)

/I never touched your stuff Psyco!!! I swear!
 
2012-02-24 03:45:02 AM  

moothemagiccow: You thought you were going to watch the super bowl during the anti-super bowl party?


No...but it just would have been nice to know this a day or two in advance.
 
2012-02-24 03:46:11 AM  

Chinchillazilla: Had a Pentecostal roommate who used to speak in tongues in the middle of the night. And one time I turned the AC down without asking her first, so she never spoke to me again. Ever. I moved out a couple weeks later. Still not a word.

/liked it better that way


Oh, and I forgot a couple other things. She mostly communicated with me through notes, because she was always. on. the phone. One day I came home to find a really nasty note on the door (so everyone in the hall could see it) to the effect of "You need to take your trash out, there are bugs in here and you're disgusting". My trash can was full, yeah, but it was all paper. Hers was full of fruit peels and other bug-attracting stuff. I dumped mine and left the trash gnats to her.

And the worst thing, that I can't believe I forgot, was that one day, because I was extremely depressed and lonely, I was crying alone in the room when she came back unexpectedly. I was embarrassed about crying, so I tried to quit. There was a little sniffling. She spins around and snaps "Be quiet, I am on the PHONE!"

I don't wish crippling depression on people lightly because it's so horrible, but I hope she gets it. Honest to god, I don't think I'm a bad person, but if I read her obituary one day I'll be happy.
 
2012-02-24 03:50:56 AM  
Ah my senior year.

So me and 3 other guys had a house in a town near school and each had our own room. Three of us were in a group on campus with this other kid who was a huge womanizer and a huge one-upper but generally a fun enough guy to hang around with. He was an RA for the last two years of college. Kind of insufferable but generally a fun guy.

Anyway a month left to go first semester he gets fired from being an RA and claims it's because he kept forgetting to hand out flyers, put up bulletin boards, not hold hall socials, typical lazy shiat. It seemed believable and since it was only a month and one of my roommates felt bad he set up a rollaway bed in his room (it was largest) and split the space for the rest of the semester until one of our other roommates moved out and the former RA could get his own room.

Next semester there's too much shiat to go over but suffice to say we start to realize the guy is a complete liar about everything and pretty much a sociopath. He would steal food which is not the end of the world but he would do things like rearrange the rest of the food as if we wouldn't notice and then deny till the cows came home. Nevermind the other three of us had jobs and wouldn't need to take other roommates' food. He would claim to go to class every day but none of us ever saw him take the bus in with us and he would always be watching TV when we got home, we said he was majoring in Showtime. He would take back freshman he had met while RA and generally be a creep when they were over and then after they left. We realized all the stories of his conquests were bullshiat since most of these girls were pretty gross. We realized in talking to others that he was really fired from being an RA because he was getting sexual assault complaints. He would also try to show off by buying us booze and sharing cigarettes even though the rest of us would have been happier with him using it to buy bread once in a while. He would creep out our respective lady friends and make passes at them when we were gone. A great one is when he told him parents he was graduating and even bought a cap and gown to walk even though we knew he had failed all his classes that semester (for the record his family's major source of income was his father who was a postman). His parents came to graduation to watch their son lie to them. His room and general cleanliness were horrible, was late to everything even if you were screwing up your schedule to give him a ride, just a douche.

The real kicker is one night when I was doing my radio show at the campus radio station he comes in to say hi which was common. Later that night though a couple of studio CD's fall out of his pockets at a party and he couldn't snatch them up in time before I realized what they were. It becomes a huge scene and I leave him there and drive off with my other roommates. For a day and half he kept saying that he hadn't stole them when I had clearly seen the studio stickers. He tried to get a local record store to print him a receipt (even though we went in every Sunday morning and they knew all of us and they immediately ratted him out to us) claimed they were different CD's and then claimed we had been looking for a reason to blow up at him. Finally after running out of stories he came clean and gave me back the CDs but only after burning every bridge we had with him. We sent out a mass e-mail to all our mutual friends and as our last act voted him out of the org (he had another year at least) and made sure the guy moving in with him knew what we up. We then told our mutual buddy in the Army about him and he contacted his old bosses who creeper now worked for and had him fired.

Just a loser.

TL,DR: Creeper (possible sociopath) thinks he fools everyone but is too stupid to make his stories line up and thinks he gets away with stealing from a roommate when everyone saw the evidence.
 
2012-02-24 03:52:29 AM  
Late 80's,,,freshman year of college...roommate lottery...I lost. I got paired up with this tall guy that had long "Twisted Sister" hair. He was a complete enigma. He was into death metal and yet was an evangelical christian. He was always telling me about his experiences in church and what he felt was the Lord's plan for his life. I didn't necessarily agree, but put up with it.

He brought his extensive collection of bible studies books to the dorms, but that wasn't the collection that hastened my departure to a new room. He also brought his extensive knife collection (ceremonial, hunting, and butterfly) to the dorms. That was a little unsettling, but the clincher for me was when one night we were sitting around talking and he pulls out this shoebox from under his bed (cue creepy music here) he opens it up and pulls out a pair of toenail clippers. I stand up and glance down AND INSIDE THE BOX IT IS HALF FILLED WITH EVERY FINGERNAIL AND TOENAIL OF HIS SINCE HE WAS A CHILD!!!

I went to university housing services the next day and moved while he was in class.
 
2012-02-24 03:55:51 AM  

katemonster: Ugh, yes.

*deep breath*

My sophomore year in college, I shared a one bedroom apartment with a roommate I will just call Crazy. We made an agreement at the beginning of the year that neither of us would get a pet, since the place was already pretty small.

About 3 weeks into the school year, I get a phone call from Crazy, informing me that she bought a dwarf hamster. I hate hamsters, and we had made the agreement, but she gave me this speech about how she was so lonely and the hamster made her feel better, so I caved and didn't ask/tell her to get rid of it. She was a history major, so she named the thing Napoleon (Napoleonic complex, ha ha).

The whole school year, I hated that hamster. It ran in its stupid little wheel all night long and I would have to shut the cage in the bathroom just to get some sleep. My boyfriend even offered to stage a break-in while I was out of town and "accidentally" let it out of it's cage and out of the apartment.

Fast forward to 2 weeks before finals. I'm asleep in my bed when I am awoken at 2:30am by Crazy sitting on the edge of my bed, sobbing hysterically. I shoot awake thinking her family has all been killed or something, and I grab her by the shoulders and ask her what is wrong, and she finally sputters, "na-naa-naaaaapoleon!" I leave her sitting on my bed, and go out into the living room, where its cage is.

The hamster had always enjoyed climbing around on the wire walls of his cage. Well, apparently this time, he had crawled up on top of the outside of his running wheel, then somehow got himself stuck between the wheel and the cage. In his effort to free himself, it seems that he pushed, twisting the wheel, thus twisting his own neck and Napoleon was officially history.

I walked back into my bedroom and in my delirium, I asked Crazy if she wanted to bury Napoleon. She put the dead hamster in his running ball with some hay and some treats, and I drove her to the beach. We dug as much of a hole as one exhausted gi ...


christ, how about youtake that one t th psychiatrist, debbie downer
 
2012-02-24 03:56:31 AM  
I was fortunate in having having no roommate in my freshman year in the dorm after the first week. He decided to pledge a fraternity and they never moved anyone in after he left.

Same thing happened in my sophomore year.

Junior year, I rented an apartment with another guy and we got on fine, except for him breaking an old coffee mug that was my grandfather's and rather fancy. He replaced it with a crappy one from KMart.

My senior year and first year of grad school, I kept the apartment and shared it with my brother, who joined me at college.

However, the guys in the other rooms in the dorm (Smith Hall at Florida State) my first two years were just farking nuts.

1. Crazy Dave:

He was a pyro and weirded the shiat out of his roommate the first week so that the roomie fled. Dave then papered over the whole room in aluminum foil, got a huge industrial fan from somewhere and set it upon the desk, turned it on and drizzled day glow paint into it so it spattered the whole room. He'd then turn on a black light, fire up a doobie and hang out. One night, he was taking mouthfuls of lighter fluid and spraying it out in the hall and igniting it into fireballs. that stopped when he didn't spray it out far enough and singed off all his facial hair.

Then he tied plastic bread loaf wrappers closed at both ends, pinned a line of six or seven of them to the ceiling tiles and set them on fire, after turning out the lights. They'd burn/melt and drip flaming streams of melted plastic on the floor with odd zipping sounds.

He got tired of walking a mile to the campus food service for dinner, so he shoplifted a steak at a near by supermarket. He turned his steam iron upside down on the desk, propped it that way with books, covered the plate of the iron with aluminum foil and cooked the steak.

2. Scott the slob:

Never bothered to buy his own toiletries and would come over every morning to "borrow" mine. That stopped when he stumbled into my room one morning, half asleep with his toothbrush for toothpaste and grabbed a tube of Brillcream instead of Colgate.

One day, he decided he needed a pet, so he got a rabbit and kept it in his room, but it kept getting out and pissing on the hallway floors. Scott thought it was funny.

3. Radical Matt:

Never farking showered. RAs kicked him out after one semester. University kicked him out of school after two semesters.

4. Drunk guy (forget his name, it's been 40+ years):

Came home to the dorm drunk every night, rowdy. One night, he stayed in to drink and gobble down a batch of brownies his mom sent and got violently ill. He made it to the communal rest room/showers, but spewed over everything---toilet stalls, toilets, sinks, floor and tile walls. the day after the cleaning staff cleaned on their once a week schedule. Two of the hulking PE majors made him clean it up
 
2012-02-24 03:59:28 AM  
My last place was a four bedroom apartment with six people. Four guys, two girls. Over the course of a year, one of the girls dated and slept with the other three guys. Drama ensured.

I'd like to think I was too classy for her to try and add me to her collection, but let's face it...forever alone.
 
2012-02-24 04:01:41 AM  
Heh. One nut case here, tho he's been good of late. Less piss on the bathroom floor and creepy behavior. Must be taking his meds. Now if I could only get over my crush on the girl who's slumming with us on the second floor. Valentine's Day sucked cuz she brought over some swinging dick for sex. Hope it was good. Didn't sound like it was
 
2012-02-24 04:03:32 AM  
My first roommate lasted a month. I've come to learn in life that there are people who possess no "situational awareness" about themselves and their immediate surroundings. That was my roommate. My roomie would eat food and let it spill all over him and onto the floor. I can eat a Tommy's chili burger in my car and not spill anything, so one can imagine my horror. He ate in a stupid manner. Potato chips - instead of taking a chip and biting half, or eating the whole thing, he would grab and handful of chips and without positioning any of them for proper entry into his mouth, would just bite away at the assembled mass. At least a third of the chips would crumble to the floor, and he just ignored the mess. He also did this with cheetos. How do you fark up eating cheetos? But he did, and consequently, the floor was always littered with crumbs and food particulate, so of course we had rats. I read him the riot act on his eating habits, but he was incapable of change. He did buy the traps, however, under the condition that I would deal with them, as he was a complete wuss. They were the sticky pads, so I laid them around the edges of a few walls, behind furniture. A few nights later, I'm trying to sleep off a bender, when he starts screaming that there's a rat in his room. I had set a trap in there, but he always locked his door, so I hadn't checked it. I had to turn the light on in his room he was so freaked out--and I saw that a rat was flopping around on a trap, only 2 feet were stuck. Roomie goes apeshiat when he sees this and hugs the wall, backing out like he's avoiding a knife wielding madman. He gets out into our "common" area still hugging the wall, goes into a corner behind a chair and ends up stepping into another sticky trap, which, as luck would have it, had a rat stuck to it. (Still not sure if the rat was alive or dead at that point, but by the time I pulled it off his heel later, it was freshly dead). Anyhow, he really freaks now, screams the rat is going to bite him blah blah blah and I'm doing the only thing appropriate in my condition, which is to laugh like hell. I'm trying to tell the idiot to calm down and pull the thing off (this whole thing lasted all of 20 seconds, but it seemed like forever) but he's flailing his hands and starts to run. He runs right into our sliding glass door that opened on a patio. I guess if it had shattered, this story would have been infinitely better, but it didn't, probably because he was such a pencil neck. He falls back, and either the glass or the floor knocked him out. It went from utter shrieking to utter silence. The guy has blood streaming from his nose, a sticky trap with a dead rat still attached to his foot and he wasn't moving. I think I muttered a holy shiat, and as I was room spinningly drunk, turned around and promptly barfed. I opened the patio door and a neighbor came in and after his wtf over the vomit, squished rat bits and the ostensibly dead guy on the floor, helped me get the guy up. His brother came and picked him up that night, and the next day came by and got all his stuff. He told me ex-roomie broke his nose, implied the whole thing was my fault for placing the pads where they could be stepped on. Whatever, good riddance, but I got stiffed on some rent. I did end up in a much better living situation, and for this I always thanked sticky traps.
 
2012-02-24 04:10:23 AM  
My dorm mate was from the same city as me, but we didn't know each other. He was a polar opposite of me. Fanatic about neatness, loved country music, NASCAR, and pro wrestling, but more than all of these, he loved karaoke, and getting smashed. He would practice karaoke in the dorm room, usually Garth Brooks, or something similar. Oh, then there was his job. He was a mortician! His family owned several, and he picked up a night job taking in dead people. Every once in a while his pager would go off at 2:30 in the morning and he would have to leave to go pick up a stiff. We went out karaokeing one time, and he drove. An hour or so later, his pager went off, and we had to go with him on a run. We rode in the front, but there was still a freshly dead guy riding in the back. That was 2000, but there have been many more since then.
 
2012-02-24 04:14:06 AM  
I lived with a lot of roommates, but nobody that I didn't know or have some sort of friendship/acquaintance with prior to living with them. I'd say our issues were pretty typical for a bunch of 18-21 year olds living away from home for the first time at college. Sometimes waiting a day or two on dishes, letting clutter pile up, just a general lack of house cleaning and upkeep. But we'd always break down and finally do all of it at once eventually. Of course, we all smoked weed and drank, so any issues we might have had with each other were always washed away after a night of getting farked up together and bonding into the early hours of the morning. Got along really well with my roommates, and have nothing but good memories of the experience.

You people have lived with some sick farking individuals...
 
2012-02-24 04:17:26 AM  

Passive Aggressive Larry: I lived with a lot of roommates, but nobody that I didn't know or have some sort of friendship/acquaintance with prior to living with them. I'd say our issues were pretty typical for a bunch of 18-21 year olds living away from home for the first time at college. Sometimes waiting a day or two on dishes, letting clutter pile up, just a general lack of house cleaning and upkeep. But we'd always break down and finally do all of it at once eventually. Of course, we all smoked weed and drank, so any issues we might have had with each other were always washed away after a night of getting farked up together and bonding into the early hours of the morning. Got along really well with my roommates, and have nothing but good memories of the experience.

You people have lived with some sick farking individuals...


That was a pretty Passive Aggressive message, Larry!

/got nothin..going to bed now..
 
2012-02-24 04:18:18 AM  
When I was in college the apartment I rented was set up so one rented a room. So I ended up with a female roommate in one of the rooms. She was crazy right out of the gate. She had a string of different guys she brought in to spend the night with her. So I am sure she was telling the truth when she told me she didn't know who the father was when she got pregnant. At any rate she decided to have an abortion. For weeks after that she was upset because the abortion clinic would not give her the fetus. She wanted to keep it in a jar of alcohol at the head of her bed.
Over and over she would ask me why I thought the clinic would not give it to her. And you know I really couldn't come up with an answer. When I asked her the reason the clinic gave she would say she didn't believe what they said (with no elaboration).
That was just the weirdest thing she came up with. Two quarters with her packed a lot of memories. And no I never hit it. in fact i made damn sure my room door was locked when I went to bed. With her I think it would have been a coin flip whether she came in for sex or homicide.
 
2012-02-24 04:23:18 AM  
CSB time:

A good friend asked me to take in her adult son as my roommate.

Where to start...

He was an alcoholic, and as a bonus, had epilepsy. So I was tasked with "keeping an eye on him".

He was an excellent salesman - he could sell a freezer to an Eskimo.

He'd get a job, start making money, then start drinking at lunch, then it would escalate to where he would drink before going to work, then escalate further to him calling in sick, because he would rather sit at home and drink instead of going to work.

As a bonus, he wouldn't take his epilepsy medication because it would hurt his stomach with all the alcohol he was drinking.

Did I mention he had epilepsy?

Once, he had a grand mal seizure, ended up in the hospital, had another seizure in the hospital and was given a 10% chance to live.

Did he stop drinking? No...

He'd drunk dial previous employers asking for his job back, his mother for money ("Can you Western Union me $20 so I can get a cheeseburger?") and if she refused to sed money, he would get angry.

"You're a little Jezebel, aren't you? You probably suck Satan's cock!"

To his mother!

Another time, he was drunk, and decided to take a shower. Well, he fell down in the shower, and he couldn't get out of the bathtub.

His legs were dangling over the side, and I had to hoist his fat ass out of the tub.

I regretted not getting a picture of him stuck in the tub...

Wait - I did! The second time it happened...

/CSB...
 
2012-02-24 05:21:08 AM  

The Banana Thug: My roommate was this weird ass Filipino guy. Actually, he doesn't appear weird at all. Or didn't do one really big weird thing. Just has a lot of weird anecdotes that just makes him seem, well, really farking weird.

I needed tissues, this made me cry so much ...thank you

buttery_shame_cave:

so i'm in A-School(electronics) in petaluma. ...


more tissues for my tears of laughter
 
2012-02-24 05:29:12 AM  

Mad Canadian: Wait - I did! The second time it happened...


28.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2012-02-24 05:44:41 AM  
Masturbation roommate - coming off-shift early and walking in to find him lounging on a blanket with candles and magazines. Female roommate - big slob and pulled 3 ways while attempting to pass JC pre-med courses. Priest-in-training roommate - told tall tales about learning Japanese in two weeks, being a multimillionaire. Engineer roommate - one eye didn't point straight, and neither did his dog's. Gay roommate - finding out he was gay after he'd already signed the lease. Cool roommate - noisy orgasm contests with our respective girlfriends. Cool roommate - bartender who brought beer back I'd drink on lunch break. Parole roommate - back in the can for having a beer in the fridge. Parole roommate - had his prison tattoo rig and slashed car tires when he was frustrated. Drug dealer roommate - cutting up a pound on the kitchen table. Paranoid roommate - installed cypher locks and kept weird weapons. Mentally disabled SSI roommate - klepto, bad news. Geology roommate - screwed only ugly women. Surfer roommate - I surfed every day - he moved into surf and surfed ONE day per year. Redneck roommate - cleaned guns, worked on his truck, fished. Tennis roommate - played tennis all day and pro'd at clubs. Retired professor roommate - basically did nothing else except collect stamps and sing at church. Old lady roommate - huge tits, liked to buy shoes and relentlessly wash her clothes. Architect roommate - drank relentlessly and died of liver failure. And so on and so on and so on.
 
2012-02-24 05:46:28 AM  
My roommate showed up for moving in day at the dorms, threw some random things in his closet and I never saw him again.

/best roommate ever
 
2012-02-24 05:57:52 AM  

Mad Canadian: I regretted not getting a picture of him stuck in the tub...

Wait - I did! The second time it happened...


Pics or it didn't happen
 
2012-02-24 06:00:23 AM  

Shostie: The roommate I had the first semester of my freshman year was a fratboy.

He wasn't so much crazy as he was douchey.

Despite the dorm rules explicitly outlawing reptiles, he went out and got a terrarium and a snake. Thing smelled like crap. During random dorm inspections it was found and he was told to get rid of it.

Another time he snuck a girl into the dorm after midnight (deep south college, no co-ed dorms) and f*cked her, in our room, while I was in there asleep. He had the top bunk. The bunk was, shall we say, a-rockin'. Ugh.

Other than that, though, he was actually a nice enough guy for a meat head.


Basically I had this experience, except he was a political science major. No terrarium or a snake, but he had a bad habit of having his friends over to drink/smoke/snort whatever (one time they were out of anything good and snorted ibuprofen). That and he had a tendency to come back from whereever at 4AM and blare Michael Jackson so loud you could hear it from the other side of the building.

/still liked him better than the psychology major
 
2012-02-24 06:02:16 AM  

The Banana Thug: My roommate was this weird ass Filipino guy. Actually, he doesn't appear weird at all. Or didn't do one really big weird thing. Just has a lot of weird anecdotes that just makes him seem, well, really farking weird.

He'd listen to Barry White while doing anything, because he thinks it'd make the event seem that much sexier. He'd comment how he just had the sexiest grocery shopping experience ever after taking his iPod loaded with Barry White tunes.

He used to sneak around and take people's cell phones to set the sax solo part from George Michael's "Careless Whisper" as their new ringtone.

He'd biatch about how he's been going to the same Starbucks every day, ordering the exact same drink, hoping that one day the workers there will finally catch on and say, "Just the regular today?"

He once went on an angry rant about how the facial recognition feature on his iMac computer thinks all of his Asian friends are the same person and wrote an angry letter to Apple.

He also ranted about "customer service is dying in this country" when he was told that "this isn't that kind of massage parlor."

When he uses an urinal, he'd pull his pants all the way down to his ankles like a 4-year-old kid. Farking embarrassing.

He once put a neighbor's dog on craigslist. I guess that was cool, the neighbor was an asshole anyway.

And the dude was OBSESSED with Disney movies. He complained that Minnie Mouse was really Mickey in drag, and how it was farked up that Pluto was Goofy's pet, even though they're both dogs.


Filipino roommate in Afghanistan won't speak to me no matter what. I use to ask him what ups and and be as friendly as I could be but it was like talking to a rock. The weird thing is that when another Filipino is around he will talk to them. I think he hates Americans but join the USAF.
 
2012-02-24 06:12:15 AM  

feickus: The Banana Thug:
Filipino roommate in Afghanistan won't speak to me no matter what. I use to ask him what ups and and be as friendly as I could be but it was like talking to a rock. The weird thing is that when another Filipino is around he will talk to them. I think he hates Americans but join the USAF.


Dude's a hypocrite, you mean? Maybe browse YouTube for some random Tagalog phrases and repeat them a lot with a smile.
 
2012-02-24 06:18:13 AM  
Since the first and only roommate I ever had in my life (3 weeks, 4 days, 6 hours) and is a fellow Farker, I won't comment.

/if you see this, please remember that you still owe me a washing machine and the cost of replacing the front window your broke to escape when your wife's father came looking for you
 
2012-02-24 06:18:23 AM  

ibanezdude: I always wondered whether commuting to university and living with my parents for a couple years afterwards was a smart decision, seeing as I had very little privacy and everyone else was having fun partying away at school. Then I read threads like this and feel a little bit better. Just a little.


It's a mix, and no one situation is always the best. I lived on my own throughout the whole of uni. Yes, it was nice to have my privacy and to come and go as I pleased, but there were definitely times when I was envious of those who commuted from their parents' houses.

Such as knowing that I was paying £200 a week to live in the sort of tiny studio that you can get for that price in central London and of the quality that landlords would be willing to rent to a student. Or when I fell ill and had to drag myself out to get food and medicine for myself, or even just needing to walk to the doctor's surgery or to hospital on my own, which was bloody awful when I had a respiratory infection.

Or simply on night after night coming home to an empty flat. Or when something went wrong and I had to sort it out on my own, whether I knew what I was doing or not.

Honestly, it wasn't all that bad, but that may have varied depending on how long your commute to uni was and how much freedom you may have had. Those I knew living with their families didn't seem to have much of a problem coming out for drinks in the evening. Besides, by the third year we were all too busy working to spend any social time together.
 
2012-02-24 06:27:18 AM  
Yes I do.

He never wants to do his work.

Never cleans up after himself.

He is always fighting with his father.

Whines when he dosen't get his way.

Would rather eat Cheetos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Dose nothing but play X-Box or gets on You Tube to watch videos about games he is trying to beat.

He pisses on the floor instead of in the toilet and hes not even drunk!

Farking 8 year olds.

/Room mates youngest son.
 
2012-02-24 06:29:26 AM  
Roommate had fiancee show up for a few days, she leaves on a Sunday afternoon. About 6 hours later he comes back and says "if a chick says she likes rough sex, believe her". He then pulls his shirt down enough to show off a mouth-sized black-and-blue welt on his upper chest (complete with teeth imprints). He paniced because the fiancee was due to visit later in the week.

Told her it was a skiing accident and he fell on the pole.

There's lots more where that came from. Some involving an albino ferret.
 
2012-02-24 06:29:35 AM  

Mad Canadian: CSB time:

A good friend asked me to take in her adult son as my roommate.


Ya that's when you know there is a problem and say no. Nobody is going to ask you to do that unless said person is so problematic they can't deal with them. If someone I knew asked to move in, well I'd think about it (I'm rather enjoying not having a roommate but hey). Would depend on the situation and my assessment of it and them. However if someone's parents/siblings/kids/whatever asked if they could move in the answer would be an automatic no. When family is looking to pawn someone off, said someone has real issues.

Then again in general I feel that renting rooms to non-students is a bad idea based on experience. Students look to rent rooms because school is farking expensive. Non-students seem to rent rooms because they fail at life, and can't afford an apartment. While I had some bad student roommates, they were nowhere near as bad as the non-student roommates I had.
 
2012-02-24 06:40:57 AM  
One Roommate I had kept putting lotion on its skin
 
2012-02-24 06:42:51 AM  
Lived with a cousin for awhile in a big old farmhouse. He was nice, but a little spacey...he takes off for a long spring weekend, leaves his windows open. No big deal...except we get a freak snowstorm.

Next morning, I notice the cold air spilling down the stairs outside his door, so I go up to investigate.
Odd...I have trouble forcing the door open...which it turns out, was because of the 3-foot drift of snow.
IN his room.

Remember that scene in Dr. Zhivago, with the ice inside the country villa? like that.

The best part was he had these big tall swivel windows that had faced the storm; their hinges iced over, and it took me about an hour with an icepick to get them closed.
 
2012-02-24 06:47:30 AM  
A friend of mine had a roommate who hung himself after a combination of ecstasy and being dumped by his GF.

Nothing so dramatic for me. I did find my roommate's rather thick dildo in the bathroom sink, running under the hot water. I told him (yes, him) that if he was going to use that thing, remember to put it away when he was done using it. Other than that, really cool guy. Wish I had made a move on him.
 
2012-02-24 06:51:16 AM  
I had a roommate in uni who screamed at me, yelled racial slurs at me, demanded I go places with her, dumped alcohol on our floor. She was farking insane and I spent the entire summer after that barely talking to anyone because I am in shock.
 
2012-02-24 07:00:17 AM  
I had a roommate that was ...(shudder) ... an ice cruncher!
 
2012-02-24 07:01:07 AM  
My flatmate told me she was pregnant, very exited, big news and so on.
The first thing I said, without even blinking and without any undertone of irony was: " Do you know the father?"
she never forgave me
 
2012-02-24 07:16:13 AM  
@LaughingRadish

Oh. My. Gawd.
 
2012-02-24 07:29:37 AM  
How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.
 
2012-02-24 07:33:36 AM  
My "crazy" roommates never seemed bad to me, probably because I found their "crazy" quite acceptable. Like one whose girlfriend used to come over to give him bjs in the living room while watching TV, and not care who else was around.

However, when my wife was in grad school she had a roommate for several months who was quite the nympho and was always picking up guys to bring back and fark anywhere in the apartment, for all to see. Many times these were not the nicest of guys, and things would disappear from the apartment whenever they'd leave. This roommate was never obnoxious, when confronted she'd just smile and say things like "I can't help it, I love farking". She'd wear little or nothing whenever I or a third roommate's boyfriend was around, and would ask my wife and the other roommate if she could fark us. She moved out when some rich guy she farked invited her to live with him overseas, but we are sure she likely ended up getting sold into the sex slave trade.
 
2012-02-24 07:44:09 AM  

blondski: Just that she was insane lesbian that chewed tobacco, bought jerky by the 20 lb box and played softball. I came home early one time to find 3 girls in my bed.

not as hot as you'd imagine


You mean you didn't get naked and hop in?
 
2012-02-24 07:45:17 AM  
Not me but my brother's dorm mate in college would wake up with night terrors screaming, had no money so shoplifted twinkies and other junk food, and one night the screaming was because a bat had flown in a open window and was biting him after getting entangled in his hair. Brother killed the bat with a tennis racket. Delbert (the dorm mate) had to get rabies shots as a result. Can't top that.
 
2012-02-24 07:56:24 AM  
I had to go to court three times to get rid of a geniune nutbag roommate. Clinically speaking, she was a farking whack-a-loon. The whole sordid story is so messed up I get the timeline confused to this day.

When she was hauled off for the last time, we had at least 5 cop cars, an ambulance and a police van parked on the street because the radio call piqued all the cops and they wanted to see what was going on. It was a farking travesty. Farking horrorshow.

We eventually found out later that she was the "odd daughter" in this very rich family that was paid a stipend by her own family to stay away from them. Farking 'Pacific Heights' and shiat without the violent stuff.

It's kinda funny now, but nobody believes that stuff like that will happen to them until it actually does.
 
2012-02-24 07:57:48 AM  
I just came here to see if anything sounds like it's about me. Nothing so far!...
 
2012-02-24 08:00:50 AM  
No, I don't.
 
2012-02-24 08:05:28 AM  

bighairyguy: I had a roommate that was ...(shudder) ... an ice cruncher!


I'm crunching ice right now (bourbon flavoured) ..., probably bigger and hairier too.
 
2012-02-24 08:10:01 AM  
I felt terrible for my sophomore-year roommate, who was so socially maladjusted he made my prospects with women look positively Clooneyesque.

My half of our dorm room was decorated in typical college-guy hodgepodge style...his? There was nothing on his desk (not even a lamp), and nothing on his walls with the exception of a small cork board which had nothing on it except for a small picture of Angela Lansbury he had clipped out of a newspaper.

His voice made Fran Drescher sound like Kathleen Turner. I use a female comparison because living with him was like living with an ancient Jewish grandmother six months from the nursing home, except the one time he brought chicken soup from his actual Jewish grandmother, it smelled like ammonia. Her kreplach was unspeakably hideous.

And he would follow me around like a puppy (a puppy with bad teeth and BO) every free moment he had. Worst. Wingman. Ever. I was too much of a sap to be angry with him, because he was just so pathetic and I figured that if there was one thing he didn't need it was more ridicule and humiliation, even if he seemed oblivious to it.

Unsurprisingly, he bailed after one semester.
 
2012-02-24 08:10:04 AM  
When I was a freshman my 1st roomate was a Mormon. He had a very cute gf, and he was very non-judgemental of my sexually secular ways. Meaning he did not mind me boning gf, and he gave me extra room time. Little did I know his gf was sexually frustrated. On the weekends he usually went home and my gf would come over Sat. mornings and crawl into my bed. Well, one Saturday, I felt girl crawl into my bed, I was hungover and assumed it was my gf. In the pre-dawn fuzzy hours, we copulated, and then I sensed this is not my gf! My roomate's gf had come over that Sat. morning, and in my hungover stupor had punched her v-card. Then she goes all drama queen and my gf walks in. NOT GOOD! I lose my gf, pissed off my roomate who told everyone about the incident. (I was considered a legend in my dorm for awhile), and I got an unwanted stalker from his ex-gf. College housing authority thought it was best to separate us. SO........I gues I was the psycho roomate. BOOM-CHICKA-WOW-WOW
 
2012-02-24 08:11:59 AM  
Yes, my girlfriend.
 
2012-02-24 08:16:12 AM  
I moved out of student housing after one semester back in 1997, so I only had one college roommate. Best. Roomie. Ever. He was 26, had two degrees, was from Liechtenstein, and only in student housing because the house he wanted to rent fell through at the last moment, so he got out of there at the same time I did.

The fridge was stocked with beer. And I mean beer, not Natty Ice, Milwaukee's Beast, or Bud. Guinness, Bass, Chimay. Even Lagunitas and Stone made appearances at times, and they weren't exactly legally obtained. He'd hand them out to visitors, neighbors, and I got up in the morning to the RA passed out on the floor more than once.

"Don't bring crap", he said. "Drink it! You'll like. I'll get more."

Illegally parked his leaky Jaguar on campus the entire time, and hardly ever drove it. The keys were hung on the wall. The car wore diplomatic plates, so he never got a ticket. If I drove it, I had to add oil and explain the car wasn't mine.

On top of it all, he was never there. Always in a study session, or mentoring other students, or "sleeping elsewhere, I'll call before I get back". The record was eleven days without seeing him.

When he was there, he watched anime subtitled in German with no sound, or just started up my CD changer on low volume. Had a thing for 'Galaxy Express' and insisted I not play anything by 'That farking twat', meaning Alanis Morisette.

Greatest. Roommate. Ever.

Guess who I rented a room from when I moved out?

Of course, now I drive a British sports car and feel guilty if I spend less than $10 for a six-pack.
 
2012-02-24 08:16:40 AM  
I had a weird roommate once. She was friendly enough, but definitely crazy.

To begin with, she was extremely lazy. I never once saw her do any chores what-so-ever. When I'd confront her about this she'd just look at me with a blank stare in her eyes until I'd drop the subject.

She also had an issue with boundaries. She saw no problem with sleeping where ever she felt like. I can't tell you how many times I came home and found her sleeping in my bed, on the couch or even a few times on the floor. It's pretty awkward when you bring your girlfriend home and there's another girl sleeping in your bed. Fortunately she was understanding and knew what my roommate was like.

She was also a total attention whore. When I'd have friends over, she'd be all over them. She'd sit close beside them on the couch and touch their leg or arm until they gave in and finally acknowledged her. (We used to have contests to see how long we could go pretending she wasn't there-- she'd get more and more desperate).

She was also a bit of a drug fiend. I mean, I like my herb, but it's just for relaxing, you know? It's not an obsession or anything. But this girl, she'd go crazy. She'd put up a huge stink if she couldn't get any. She'd pace and whine until I'd offer to give her a bit of my stash.. Once she'd had some she'd get all whacked out at first. She'd prance and run through the house tapping and touching things until she started to come down again. Then she'd just pick the nearest comfy-looking spot (including my bed) and flop down for a rest.

I think the worst though was when she came home late one night and puked on the kitchen floor. I found it in the morning and confronted her about not cleaning it up, but she just gave me her usual blank stare. I was mad, so I left the puke on the floor for three days waiting for her to finally own up and clean it up. On the 3rd day, I came down in the dark for a drink and forgot it was there and stepped in it. So after that I cleaned it up.

But she was a pretty cool girl otherwise. I enjoyed spending time with her, but she was definitely the weirdest roommate I've had. Sometimes I miss that old cat.
 
2012-02-24 08:24:45 AM  
Where to start?

I had a roommate for a month in first year. My roommate was a partying female jock. I'm not a nerd or anything, but I liked going to be by at least midnight, as I had early morning classes. She would come in at 2 in the morning, throwing shiat everywhere cursing loudly. I also went home one weekend, and came back to find that she had hooked up with the guy in the next room, and threw all the trash from that encounter in my bed and trash can, rather than her own. Classy.

She also used to go to class, and leave our dorm room door wide open for anyone and everyone to come in. I came back from class one day, with 5 random people in my room, who informed me that my roommate had gone to class. The last straw with the stupid biatch was Hell Night, where the senior res dwellers "initiated" the frosh. She comes home drunk off her ass, and stops breathing, because she drank so much, that the paramedics are called at 3AM. She then wakes up as they get there, and refuses to go with them. Did I mention that she was still 18 at the time, and wouldn't be 19 for another month? The university then charges her for the ambulance and fines her for underage drinking, and she claims she was going to try to weasle out of it by saying it was a diabetic coma.

One of her friends and I ended up switching rooms; her friend moved in with the roomie, and I got the friend's single room in the worst party section in another res. Annoying, but at least I didn't have to worry about my shiat getting stolen anymore. It was fun living there, despite the shiat covering the bathroom floor, and the used tampons in the halls.

Next year, I moved into a different section in res, and had an asshole neighbour who would complain about the slightest noise, even when I wasn't in the room. He had the RA on his side. He ended up moving out.

It was also a bit of a catty biatch section, as my best friend also lived in it, and had been close friends with the other girls the previous year. They treated her like crap, and would often exclude her from stuff, when her room was right next to the lounge; they would be loud and obnoxious, but anytime anyone else used the lounge, they got nasty, as if they owned the common lounge.

My friend took down the Christmas decorations in February, and they went and put them back up, and were real biatches to her. I went out and put up my own decoration, which was a John Lennon story about a guy who hated Christmas, and got killed by his friends. They thought some random drunk put it up, and ripped it down and ripped it up. They started complaining to my friend, and she told them that I had put it up. They missed the point of the story, obviously. I decided to move out of res after that.

Third and 4th year, I lived in a bording house with an assortment of roommates, and the landlord lived there part time. One roommate was a bit of an arse, but he was nothing compared to the landlord. the landlord had two cats, and never looked after them, and expected his tennants to. He also let them piss everywhere. He would disconnect the dryer so no one could use it, but him.

The house had two bathrooms, a teeny little one with a shower stall that would always clog, and a large master bathroom downstairs that no one could use but the landlord. He was a music teacher, but couldn't sing. He was also a womaniser (god knows why, as he was ugly as sin), and would bring home a lot of lady friends.

He would go into the rooms upstairs and turn off computers and fish tanks because the power bill was so high, according to him. He couldn;t get into my room, because I had the only key, as my room still had the original skeleton key lock on it, and those things are a biatch to replicate. He also used to steal clothing that was way too small for him from the male tennants.

In my final year there, exams bogged down a few people, and the kitchen didn't get cleaned up right away one day. He went and threw out everything that was in the kitchen, and started to rant about how we were all disgusting pigs and such. 2 months later, he starts going on about how he's going to put security cameras in the kitchen, as people were either filthy, or the Asian students had stolen everything out of the kitchen, despite him throwing it all out months before.

I then went to do my masters, and had some colourful roomates there. Highlights, as this post is getting too long:
the asshole who was only taking nursing to make money, didn't know that Stalin killed more people than Saddamn, thought Tool was the greatest death metal band EVAR, and that many "analog" music made before 2000 was utter shiat, digital recording is so superior, had never heard of the Beatles or Bob Dylan, moved his girlfriend in, and both would walk around naked. i moved out, and they accused me of being a dirty slob, and trashing the place, simply because I was from the Maritimes, and they were from Ontario, which was far superior.

Second set of roomies were pretty cool, except for when one would have her bi-polar episodes. She would say no one is cleaning the house, but her, yet when we looked at the chore log, the other roomie said, WTF, BohemianGraham is the one taking out the trash and loading the dishwasher, not you (they were also BFFs, like sisters they said), and accused me of putting shiat all over the house. She had an asshole cat that was known to shiat all over the house, and would bite people and draw blood. She "saved" the piece of shiat, and shoved it in my face when I came back from class, and then proceeded to call up everyone she knew calling me a liar, when I was sitting in my room doing my homework (she didn't know I was home). Her cat was an asshole to everyone, but she claimed people were mean to it. She didn't attempt to clean my futon of her cat's hair when I moved out, and said she did. When she wasn't in crazy biatch-mode, she could be pretty cool.

I now live on my own, with no roomates, and can do whatever the hell I want, without having people chewing my ass off.

/not so cool stories, sis
//probably sounds like the roomie from hell herself
 
2012-02-24 08:25:01 AM  

theflatline: I had a roomate in college who managed the bar where I worked.

He needed a place to stay, an I had an extra room.

It was cool and all, I got all the hours I wanted and we would bring all the barroom skanks home at the end of the night.

However, I was given a new couch and love seat seat that cost 2k, in 1992, for my living room.

One morning I come down and there was a naked chick lounging on my couch. My new couch, with her twat seated upon my pillow where I liked to lay my wee head.

I said" Hey, how ya doing!" She says "great you must be theflatline, I am present for you" and I said "that is cool, but do you mind putting some pants on, cause you know that is a new couch". And she says "no, i am not dirty, and that is a bit of an insult" and trys to seductively squirm her bare cootch all over my new furniture.

I grabbed her under one arm, and her clothes under the other, and tossed her ass out the door.


boozeworthy.comView Full Size
 
2012-02-24 08:29:34 AM  
I had a roommate that kept a picture of my girlfriend that he drew princess attire around . He kept that and locks of her hair in a shoe box.
Other than that, he pretty much kept to himself.
 
2012-02-24 08:29:35 AM  
1993 - found roommate from City Paper DC.

She moved in (with a skittish dog) and was fine. We hung out, drank wine, smoked weed and everything was normal....for awhile.

Then....she became obsessed with a DJ at WHFS in DC. She began stalking him at local events and even showed up at the HFS studios and was removed by the cops.

At same time, she was getting more and more insane at home. Asking if the FBI was talking to us, wondering why we had not told her about the helicopter ride to DC in order to take a jet to a U2 concert in Germany and sooooo much more.

Coming into my room at midnight asking me 'what's going on?' (this was her paranoid mantra - over and over she would ask this as if we were in on some game being run on her) - then leaving the house and going to 7-11. Cops called me to come pick her up - they thought she was drunk....then realized she was crazy.

We had to have her locked up in a crazy ward until her family could come take care of her.

She left multiple crazy voicemails after she left.

Moreover, there are not words in the human tongue that could fully describe the insanity of the 4 months that she lived with us...we thought WE were going crazy.

Then....we had the roommate that committed suicide.....


Fun times in roommate land.
 
2012-02-24 08:33:06 AM  

katemonster: Ugh, yes.

.


That was a surprisingly sweet story. You're a good person.
 
2012-02-24 08:33:11 AM  
Well I had a slightly annoying roommate in college and then a farking batshiat insane roommate when I started my first job outside of college. My annoying roommate was a guy (I didn't live in the dorms) and the only problem was he never left the apartment except to get groceries which was when I was at school. If he wanted to hang out with friends, then they came over. If he wanted a date he would cook dinner at our place. I didn't get a single moment of privacy for two years and it sucked big time. I need some private time to unwind and keep myself from going insane (luckily my husband works into the night, so I get at least 8 hours a week of me time).

After college this same guy fell in love with a girl I will call Michelle (because that is her name). I had just bought a two-bedroom condo and wasn't really looking for a roommate, but my old roommate convinced me to house this girl because she lived in the seedy part of town and was scared, but couldn't afford another place. I cut her a deal. She decides she is moving in February, but had a trip to go to so she asked if I could watch her cats. I was slightly pissed off since I had two cats already and didn't realize she had two cats, but I was non-confrontational back then so I just said okay. She moves her cats in and then proceeds to NOT move in for two more months in which time she parties every night, leaves for trips, and is just flaky. Oh and she isn't paying me rent at this point or paying me for cat food/kitty litter. Finally she moves in. The entire six months she lived with me she didn't a single load of laundry. She showered regularly, but she stunk so bad our friends BEGGED me to talk to her. I didn't, but one day she got a package so I went to put it up in her room. The smell just about killed me. You couldn't see the floor from all the dirty laundry and she let her cats piss EVERYWHERE in that room. Oh and speaking of her cats, they pissed and shiat everywhere besides the catboxes. I know is wasn't my cats since I had to keep them locked up when I wasn't home or her cats would try to murder them and they never once pissed in my room. She also never bought groceries, but proceeded to eat/drink all the food I bought. I once bought a 12-pack of soda, went to a friends house for drinks, came back a few hours later and it was ALL gone because she had friends over. Oh not to mention the frozen pizza I bought for my dinner was cooked and eaten. The last straw came when she told me she had gotten fired from her job and I gave her two weeks to find a new one (she worked at Payless shoes, so pretty easy to find other retail opportunities). After two weeks, no job, no rent, but she did have a nice $200 pair of boots that when we went shopping I told her I was thinking about buying (of course she isn't my shoe size so I couldn't confiscate them).

I served her with an eviction notice and got her kicked out. Her family came to pack her up and called me all sorts of nasty names which I ignored because apparently they didn't know what a disgusting and selfish mooch Michelle actually is capable of being. After she left, her room was SO nasty I had to replace the carpet, dry clean the drapes, and re-paint the entire room just to get rid of the stench. Oh and I had to replace the living room carpet because of her worthless cats. Cost me about $2,000. I sued her for $3500 in court (back rent she owed and was able to get triple damages because she didn't pay for over three months) and won the judgement because she was too damn lazy to show up and contest the charges. Of course I haven't seen a penny, but I know where she works and where she banks so I could always garnish her wages. I just don't because I'm raking in 10% interest for every month she doesn't pay me anything.

After that, my husband became my roommate and he is 1000% times better then stinky Michelle.
 
2012-02-24 08:33:20 AM  
To Allen.... No apologies for farking your 2 girlfriends.
 
2012-02-24 08:34:06 AM  
Her boyfriend peed on my bed.

We're still friends.
 
2012-02-24 08:36:51 AM  
I shared a house with 2 other guys in Worcester, MA some years ago. One of my roomies was a looong time partier and basically lived to go out and chase down women. Something he was actually very adept at. The focus on chasing women didn't spill over into his personal living habits.
He never shopped cuz he had no car ere go he never had anything but boxes of mac n cheese he would make w/o the milk and margarine. He never ever bought or was in possession of personal care items such as shampoo and toilet paper. Note that last item. I would bring in my own TP when i was taking a shower usually directly after him.

Well, the first coupla times I'd go in after him I'd find a fresh log gently bumping up against the sides of the bowl in the toilet. Sans any paper product.

I flushed the toilet and got into the shower. A crusty ball of Irish Spring was the only cleaning product this guy used in the shower. Along the walls of the shower were snot rockets either launched or wiped onto the walls.

So disgusting I can't tell you how this guy skeeved me...plus any chick I hit on, he'd eventually seduce out from under me.

Anthony, I don't miss living with ya brah.
 
2012-02-24 08:40:47 AM  
I'm fairly certain life gave me what I deserved.

What I did as a nightmare roommate: Painted walls pepto pink because they all hated it, drank all their beer and alcohol because I reasoned I was cuter and could have more fun, farked one roomie's fiancé on a dare, up all night, sleep all day, dropped out of school because it interfered with my social life and brought home a few weird guys - most notably a guy who thought it was okay to break into our apartment and leave strange unwanted gifts, or hide in the closet and cry.

What I got in return: a male roommate (3 months) who collected smelly women, their panties and who loved his female cat a little too much. A female roommate who let her farking ferrets roam everywhere, defecating everywhere including bathrooms, outside my room (the door was always closed) and in the kitchen. Another female roommate who let her male cat spray everywhere. Ever seen hoarders? Yeah, another male roomie of mine.

Happiness is being able to afford your own place.
 
2012-02-24 08:42:08 AM  
Then there's the flaming jackass who stole all my VHS tapes when he moved out, which actually was the least offensive and stupid thing he did. If I ever see that motherfarker again, I'm going to punch him in the stomach so hard he won't be able to eat for a week.
 
2012-02-24 08:45:59 AM  
My first college roommate came to school with his crack pipe, a bag of hair from his friends and his belongings in garbage bags. He was surprised we were not impressed with how many mesh screens he had in the pipe or that he raised the money to go to school dealing. The hair was because his friends all snipped off their rat tails to send with him to college to "remember them by".

He and his girlfriend broke up about half way through the year because he couldn't afford to take her out to eat 4 times a day anymore having spent the crack money. She cheated on him with a friend and he responded by attempting suicide by swallowing half a bottle of aspirin.

His best friend at school lived with a friend of mine and, when he would get a angry (which happened a lot) he would whip out his hunting knife and stab and slash cardboard boxes, leaving the debris all over the floor so his roommate would know he was mad.

Another friend 2 doors down found out at the end of the year he had actually had 3 roommates over the course of the semester. All three had checked in and gotten keys to the room and not once even showed up. He'd always wondered why he was one of the very few people with a single, but didn't want to ask.
 
2012-02-24 08:47:09 AM  
lived with a guy who would go on long, weekend benders (cocaine & booze)
would come home and crash into his bed - would not get up for 30+ hours
he would eventually emerge and piss gallons - SOME of it would get in the toilet

/grrrr!
//he was a drug dealer and the weed was free - yeaaay!
 
2012-02-24 08:48:17 AM  
My roommates always complained behind my back about me never doing dishes, but they were full of shiat. I ate on campus most of the time and only ate in the apartment once or twice a week. When I did, I'd get maybe one pot and one plate dirty. My roommates on the other hand, only ate at the apartment and would cook these gigantic meals for themselves, getting every dish in the house dirty. They'd usually leave everything in the sink after they were done and clean them later that night or in the morning.

Well, my thinking was that the times I needed that one pot and plate, I would have to pick them out of the sink and clean them before I could eat off of them. So then when I was done I'd stick them back in the same pile where I found them. Hey, if I've got to clean your mess up, you get to clean mine up.

After I heard they were biatching about me supposedly never doing the dishes, I made an effort to clean shiat I used both before and after eating, but they still complained.

/ OK, that's not a crazy roommate story so much as a standard roommates bickering story.
// Freshman year, I roomed with a guy who thought spraying his clothes with Febreeze was a good substitute for doing laundry. It wasn't.
 
2012-02-24 08:49:48 AM  
I used to live in a large house with:

A film student
A music student w/cat
A theater student (closeted) (NTTAWWT)
A womanizing hippie and his impossibly hot/oblivious girlfriend
A raver douchebag
A Brazilian death metal band/motorcycle gang (in the basement family room)

Too many little stories to post here. The situation was simply absurd, but always interesting.
 
2012-02-24 08:50:46 AM  
must read later
 
2012-02-24 08:54:55 AM  
One fine spring afternoon my first year roommate left for the weekend to visit friends, and left a pan of mostly eaten macaroni and cheese in the open window. When I got back from classes, the whole room was overrun with ants feasting on the food in the pan.

I cleaned up the ants and put the pan in his bed. When he got back Sunday night, he had to change every bedsheet he had to get rid of the ants.
 
2012-02-24 08:55:44 AM  
Back in 2007, I left my latex mask in my brother's bathroom. Not sure if he or his wife found it. I was incredibly embarrassed, of course.

As for housemates, had a couple living here for a while who were both dole bludgers and then the girl got pregnant. We gave them over 6 months to find somewhere else to live (as they couldn't afford to pay the additional rent/utilities to cover the kid and the extra room they'd take up), and they still didn't move out until 2 weeks before the kid was born. Thankfully they're now interstate. The fella, who hadn't held a job in 12 months previously, had the habit of only showering once his own BO made him nauseous. Ick. He also refused to wear anything more than boxers around the house, unless he had to leave the house for some reason. Of course, he'd complain of getting cold in the winter and would use a tiny, energy-sucking fan heater instead of putting clothes on to try and get warm. farking moron. His girlfriend, on the other hand, quit her job working in a coffee shop because it would be too stressful on her heart condition. She also lied to him about taking contraceptives to get a baby out of him, though it was of course his fault to for being too lazy to use a condom.

Currently living with my partner and his brother, and everything is splendid. We've got a guest room if we need it, and between the three of us we're easily covering all the expenses.
 
2012-02-24 08:56:23 AM  
Oh, so after "I can Febreze my clothes instead of washing them" guy dropped out that first semester, I had the room to myself for a while and life was god until they reassigned some other dude who got kicked out of the Corps of Cadets for being a bum.

Shortly after he moved in, I noticed my Discrete Math book was missing. Asked him to look for it, and he said he did but couldn't find it. I couldn't afford another copy of the thing, so I made it almost the rest of the semester without a textbook, bumming off friends etc. He finally found it while he was moving out, in the most obvious of obvious places that he would have seen if he'd actually bothered to go look.

Dude also snored like a motherfarker. Like seriously the loudest snoring ever. And he would sleep through his alarm. That's just what I want when I don't have classes until noon. Some jackass's alarm going off indefinitely at 6:00AM. So I'd usually just go turn the alarm off after a while and let him sleep.
 
2012-02-24 08:57:18 AM  

Mr. Right: How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.


//Very CSB
 
2012-02-24 08:58:00 AM  
I had a roommate for about 4 months. She got mad at me when I went on a 2 week vacation over Christmas with my guy because I 'left her alone' and she ransacked my room, stole some of my clothes and threw empty beer cans on my floor. Since she neglected to clean up after herself in my absence, I took it upon myself to clean the toilet...with her toothbrush. She got sick. And I laughed.
 
2012-02-24 09:00:33 AM  

shadowbxr: I had a roommate for about 4 months. She got mad at me when I went on a 2 week vacation over Christmas with my guy because I 'left her alone' and she ransacked my room, stole some of my clothes and threw empty beer cans on my floor. Since she neglected to clean up after herself in my absence, I took it upon myself to clean the toilet...with her toothbrush. She got sick. And I laughed.


That's disgusting. You sound just as bad as the person you came in here to complain about.
 
2012-02-24 09:03:58 AM  
I didn't say I was a good roommate for that. In this instance, I think it's a toss-up.
 
2012-02-24 09:05:21 AM  
I have a roomie now who gets all new sheets, comforter, and shirts every 3 months. We will find boxes of unused tshirts perfectly neatly folded and washed sitting on the curb for the trash. I was taking them to Goodwill, but they are Nike and literally never worn so now I am selling them. Also through out a 100% functional printer, which I also rescued from the curb. Extra unopened ink and everything was out there.

My other roomie is fat and microwaves chicken in a plastic bag every night.
 
2012-02-24 09:08:18 AM  
Noisy sex just amuses me, plus I can also just nudge up the TV or stereo volume if it starts to bother me.

The best thing was the roommate 10 years ago who would loudly demand her boyfriend to "put it in her asshole right now!" and would often use her vibrator multiple times during a weekend day.
 
2012-02-24 09:08:56 AM  
I had a one-legged roommate who would wash his stump covers and leave them hanging on the stair handrails to dry.

He was also the meanest motherfarker I've ever met.

Just an all-around nightmare.
 
2012-02-24 09:09:40 AM  
No. . . but my roommates have plenty.
 
2012-02-24 09:10:51 AM  
This is not so much a crazy roommate story as it is a crazy guy on the couch story.

I moved out of the house when I was 18 years old, and moved in with a friend I had in elementary school. He had moved a few towns away and I rarely saw him, which we thought would be great since we wouldn't get sick of each other. He had a friend I will refer to as "the guy on the couch." I think he was 23\24, wasn't working steadily, but had some money, and would buy us beer.

The guy on the couch was half Cherokee Indian. I swear to you that I had drank beer with him on many occasions, and drank vodka with him on many occasions. He always joked about how whiskey made him crazy, and I found out one fateful night.

We were playing cards at our house, and somebody brought over a bottle of Jim Beam. My roommate was delivering pizza that night, and was going to stay at his girlfriends house afterward. We were having a good time, and the guy on the couch started to drink the Jim Beam. Next thing we knew, he had drank 3\4 of the bottle and was belligerent. He went to the store to get another 1\5th, which he drank half of it on the way back. He explained to us in detail about how he was going to rob a crack dealer, and then sell his crack (we did not know any crack dealers or do crack). We had to tie him down. He stumbled to everyone at the house, put his finger in their chest, and slurred out "He's my son!" He threw a lamp down a stairwell. It was awful.

I called my friend and asked him what I should do with his belligerent friend. He simply answered "Knock his ass out!" I told him we had been trying to put him down for three hours, but he was blacked out and angry, and not having any of it. I was pretty sure if I punched him it would just make him mad.

The final bit of craziness almost led to his death and the death of a friend. Our apartment was in a historic district. They had begun to remodel the stairs in the back of the house before they were shut down by the Historical Preservation Society. This led to a situation where the stairs that went from my 2nd floor apartment to the back of the house ended with a hole that dropped 15 feet to the basement floor. My friend was trying to convince the guy on the couch to give up on his fiendish plan to rob crack dealers, and was standing in his way on this stairwell. All of the sudden the guy on the couch fell down the stairs, full weight into my friend, almost sending them both on a 15 foot fall to the basement concrete below. My friend was able to hold them both up by grabbing the door frame on both sides for a couple of seconds before one of us was able to grab the guy on the couch off of him. It's now about 3:30 in the morning, and this has been going on for 4-5 hours, and he is not slowing down. I'm so glad they stopped selling booze at 2 AM.

We finally got him calmed down about 5 AM, but I had to take his cigarettes because he kept lighting them and falling asleep while he put a cigarette burn on the couch, onto himself, and onto the table. I had to clear every ashtray out of the house because after I took his cigarettes he was lighting up butts.

NCSB
 
2012-02-24 09:11:42 AM  
Pro-tip:

If it sounds like your roommate is using her electric toothbrush for a long time in her room, it ain't her toothbrush that is making that noise.
 
2012-02-24 09:12:17 AM  
At 19, I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment with a divorced father of two. He only had his kids every other weekend and all three slept in the living-room. He bought every issue of Cosmopolitan and hung the covers in the hallway wall to "let every woman that he brought home know that his expectations were high." (He never had a date in the two months I lived there.)

One day some friends and I were going out. We walked into the living-room to see him on top of his obese son, both only in underpants and squealing, licking his son's large breasts. Luckily for me, the end of the month was three days away and a friend let me live with him until I could find another place.
 
2012-02-24 09:13:40 AM  
As a away from home husband sharing a 2 room trailer with 2 other guys (one of which is so right wing that he's passing all the way around to the other side of the specturm) and a liberal psychology major who voted for Obama... yeah good times.

(at least the psyche major can cook good food and doesn't set off the right winger too much)
 
2012-02-24 09:15:12 AM  

Burn_The_Plows: At 19, I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment with a divorced father of two. He only had his kids every other weekend and all three slept in the living-room. He bought every issue of Cosmopolitan and hung the covers in the hallway wall to "let every woman that he brought home know that his expectations were high." (He never had a date in the two months I lived there.)

One day some friends and I were going out. We walked into the living-room to see him on top of his obese son, both only in underpants and squealing, licking his son's large breasts. Luckily for me, the end of the month was three days away and a friend let me live with him until I could find another place.


That's farking creepy!
 
kth
2012-02-24 09:15:44 AM  
Ahh, psycho Heather.

Cheated on our friend with a number of people.
Tried to get us to let her new boyfriend live in our apartment (he was later convicted of being a serial rapist)
Pranced around in her underwear in front of our other roommate's boyfriend
Smoked a joint and then locked us out of the apartment half an hour before our roommate's parents arrived

She ultimately got a DUI that she blamed on another friend and flunked out of school. Screwed a friend of ours out of approximately $1000. Her parents called to yell at me for her behavior, and I told them that they should pull her out of school, drag her ass home and send her to rehab.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 09:15:46 AM  

SnackCake: One pissed on my bed, because he was mad about the women I had in the dorm room all the time.
One would eat only in her room, and installed a lock on her door and when we asked her to bring the dishes down, she refused to admit she had any in her room. The next night, when she was in the shower, we snuck in her room and found piles and piles of disgusting, mold ridden, mildewed dishes under her bed, sink, in and in her closet. We gagged and almost vomited. She must have figured it out, because the very next day, all those dishes were gone from her room.


Dude, I just recently got done with the PCH thread from forever ago and you pop up with fun like this? I think I should stay right the fark clear of you. Just sayin' :)

/csb ^ 10
 
2012-02-24 09:16:15 AM  

codemastaflex: Am I the only one who goes through these threads to make sure they aren't mentioned?


Hahaha.... um, no.
 
2012-02-24 09:16:18 AM  

DreamSnipers: When I was in college the apartment I rented was set up so one rented a room. So I ended up with a female roommate in one of the rooms. She was crazy right out of the gate. She had a string of different guys she brought in to spend the night with her. So I am sure she was telling the truth when she told me she didn't know who the father was when she got pregnant. At any rate she decided to have an abortion. For weeks after that she was upset because the abortion clinic would not give her the fetus. She wanted to keep it in a jar of alcohol at the head of her bed.
Over and over she would ask me why I thought the clinic would not give it to her. And you know I really couldn't come up with an answer.


I'm sure some politician got halfway to calling the fetus a person, and made a law that would leave the clinic open to prosecution for improper disposal of a corpse or whatever.

When I asked her the reason the clinic gave she would say she didn't believe what they said (with no elaboration).

But this part indicates that maybe she's just a complete nutjob who was never pregnant in the first place.
 
2012-02-24 09:19:33 AM  

BurnShrike: That's disgusting. You sound just as bad as the person you came in here to complain about.


I'd expect my current roommate to do that to me in the same situation, and I'm married to her.

/We share a closet, so it isn't stealing as much as it is 'Dear, "Men's small" becomes "Stare at my tits" when you try to wear it.'
 
2012-02-24 09:20:33 AM  
I got a pretty terrible room pick for my sophomore year, and so did the friend of mine I had decided to live with. In an effort to avoid the worst double on campus, we invited another friend/acquaintance to live with us. Unfortunately she too had a low pick, so we ended up with the smallest triple on campus. It was a basement room, barely the size of a small studio apartment, with one sad, ground level window in the upper corner of the room. In short, it was dungeon-esque.

I had been friends with the third roommate the prior year, even going home with her one break and having a good time. I had no idea she was going to morph into an awful roommate. First came the complaining about her major and the school in general. We went to a small, private, relatively preppy school in the south. The most popular majors by far were business and biology (aka pre-med), with Poly Sci (aka pre-law) also in the running. Casually leaf through a brochure about the school and you would immediately know that this school was NOT a haven for blue-haired, tatted-up art majors. Anyway, she spent a good chunk of the year I lived with her A) lamenting that the school wasn't artsy enough for her and B) lamenting that she couldn't be an architecture major and instead was one of only seven physics majors (keep in mind this was her SOPHOMORE year). It took every ounce of strength I had not to scream at her, "Did you even take a goddamned tour of this school before coming here?!? We don't even HAVE AN ARCHITECTURE SCHOOL. TRANSFER ALREADY!"

Then came the endless phone conversations. She was "in love" with a guy friend of hers and would spend upwards of four hours at a time on the phone with him, regardless of the fact that he was also a student at my University and thus less than one mile away at all times. Of course, he couldn't have been less interested in her romantically (except to continue stringing her along). Alternately, I got to hear about her constant unrequited love for "Adam," her crippling depression, and her four-hour phone conversations in which she would say, out loud, "Sometimes Adam, I don't think anyone in the ENTIRE WORLD cares about me at all...except for you." The end of this declaration would be delivered with piercing, angry stares at my other roommate and I to drive home how utterly unloving and uncaring we both were (keep in mind, we'd be studying at the time...or trying to).

The last straw (and by last straw, I mean the straw that took this situation from infuriating to laughable) was when she told my roommate and I to monitor the messages on our answering machine. You see, her schizophrenic cousin had broken out of jail and gone on the lam with his schizophrenic girlfriend. We were to monitor our messages just in case he decided our dorm was a good place to "lay low" for a while.
 
2012-02-24 09:20:44 AM  
Had good luck with roommates because I picked 2 of 3.

The third was a weird farker, slept past noon always, gone until I crashed about 10pm. He'd return, fire up his black and white TV 6 inches from his bed and lie there studying and chain smoking until 3 or 4 am. Hardly ever said a word. I think he owned five shirts and one pair of jeans

He was gone after the semester. His family came to help him move. He looked like some kind of hippie slacker but his family was pure redneck. I'd guess he went to a successful career running the lower Midwest's largest meth lab franchise.

Took all my clothes home to get them cleaned. Dorm was no smoking by the next year. I've never missed that.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 09:36:26 AM  

farkingismybusiness: Back when I was working on this laser project in college, some guy was living in my closet. I didn't even know about it for half the semester!


+1

/that's some tasty popcorn, too
 
2012-02-24 09:42:37 AM  

moothemagiccow: All he talked about was going back to Japan. He longed for it. He didn't speak Japanese (I asked), he grew up on a US military base.


Sounds like a typical post-traumatic military brat.

/I know whereof I speak.
 
2012-02-24 09:44:01 AM  
Laslo in "Real Genius" is based on a real guy who flipped out and disconnected when he found out his student lab work was being used to make weapons for the military.
 
2012-02-24 09:44:21 AM  
My wife (then girlfriend) had a biatch of a roommate in her dorm during college. I was working at Best Buy at the time (for 3 months until I got the hell out) as a computer tech, and lo and behold, her roomie brought her PC in to be fixed. Mind you, this was back in ~2001. So I scan her PC and come across a bunch of scanned documents with my wife's name on them.....open them up and it's her diary all scanned in. It was then and there that I decided to drop a little back door program called Back Orifice onto her machine. Keylogger, control mouse/keyboard/webcam/audio, you name it, it could do it.

Long story short, one day said roommate found her PC with a newly formatted drive, and all her classwork gone.
 
2012-02-24 09:52:59 AM  

eyehate: I had a roommate whose asshole was pinker than a kitten's nose.


Why... why do you know this?
 
2012-02-24 09:53:20 AM  
I thought I was so lucky with my first house in this area. Cute little ranch house in a beautiful neighborhood, close to the train, and within walking distance of work, pets welcome. One housemate was a Vietnamese lab tech who worked at the same place I did; he hardly ever left his room other than to offer us some of the delicious food he cooked. The other housemate was a youngish guy who built custom cabinetry and had a wood working shop in the basement. He was also pretty quiet and kept to himself down in the basement apartment but would sometimes come up and watch TV. He seemed pretty nice and we got along fine.

After I lived there for a few months I came home from work one night to find every flat surface in the living room, dining room, and kitchen covered with guns. There must have been a hundred or more. Big guns, little ones, antique ones, scary military looking guns. My housemate (the carpenter) was sitting at the dining room table cleaning a handgun. I'm not really opposed to guns but I've never spent much time around them and this was just mind-boggling. He'd never mentioned them. So we talked. It was just a hobby, he was a collector, some of them were rare and worth quite a bit of money, he kept them locked up at all times, just had them out now to clean them...etc. I asked if they were loaded. Oh no, never. So I picked up a random handgun and popped the clip out of it. Full of bullets. It's unloaded because there's no bullet in the chamber, he said. (This is not my idea of unloaded...)

Apparently because I didn't freak right the hell out he decided I was cool and the guns began to make more regular appearances. One night I came home to find the front door open and all the lights out. He was sitting on the couch, in the dark, with a loaded semi-automatic weapon of some kind (like an AK 47 or M16, that kind of semi-automatic weapon) in his lap. I asked him what was going on. He said some kids had broken into his truck and messed with his tools and he was waiting for them to come back. After I ascertained that he had every intention of shooting them I turned on the lights, closed the door, and had a long talk with him about why that would be bad. Once for my birthday, he left the house for a few minutes, then came running back, told me to shut the door, turn off the lights, and get on the floor. A few seconds later there was an enormous boom so loud the windows shook and some of the pictures fell off the walls. Turns out he'd set off a quarter stick of dynamite in an empty overgrown lot up the street so I'd have fireworks on my birthday. He showed me stacks of something in the basement he claimed was C4. Sometimes strangers would show up at the door "to see the guns". Some of them were nice, some of them were decidedly not.

I also learned other interesting things about him. He didn't use banks or have credit cards because he was paranoid about the government and thought they were watching him. He made a crap ton of money (he was a VERY good carpenter) and he kept all his cash in the house in the safe with the guns, sometimes thousands of dollars at a time. (And what do cash and guns mean to cops? Drugs. He was totally sober though.) He was into high end stereo of the sort where he had to send to Germany for the needles for his turntable and all his components ran off vacuum tubes. He listened to bluegrass obsessively. He'd gotten into Transcendental Meditation for awhile and had started importing stuff from India to sell for them. Most of it was harmless, beautiful silks, saris, art objects, etc, but some of it was the most incredibly detailed pornography I've ever seen, all done with single hair brushes on small plaques of ivory. The porn didn't bother me nearly as much as the ivory did. He spent a lot of time in the basement, sitting inches from his stereo speakers, looking at these paintings, listening to banjo music.

The night I took a phone call for him and went down to the basement to fetch him and he wheeled around and pointed a gun at me I moved out.
 
2012-02-24 09:53:34 AM  
a college aquaintance (friend of a friend) needed a room for the summer term--he wasn't really bad, but smoked like a chimney.

He rolled his own (had this little machine that you put prerolled paper and filters in, and then loaded up the tobacco.

I was with him on a Friday when he purchased a box of the paper/filter things something like a 200 count box.

I went away for the weekend, leaving early Saturday morning.

I come back late Sunday night, and the apartment is in a literal fog, and he's there, sitting in his underwear, watching TV and smoking--his last cigarette. All the windows were shut, (we had no A/C).

I never got the smell out of the place.
 
2012-02-24 09:54:03 AM  
My last roommate had me call 911 after his drunk girlfriend threw up in bed while they were farking and didn't tell me what exactly was going on. Two cop cars, an ambulance, and a firetruck later, he yelled at me for not call 911 fast enough and asking what the hell was going on.

/though that was more of the last in a series of really stupid events
//moved out a week later
///hope he got slammed with a fine for wasting everyone's time
 
2012-02-24 09:55:33 AM  
It was my ex-roommates first apartment away from home. The first night she moved in she got hammered at the bar, got a cab home and proceeded to get lost in the hallway of our two bedroom apartment. She called her dad on her cell, crying and told him she was lost. He called me, I woke up and looked in the hall where I found her laying in a puddle of vomit outside the bathroom. She was very happy to see me.
/still best friends 10 years later : )
 
2012-02-24 09:55:52 AM  
I had a roomate that was so farking lazy he pissed in a drinking glass and put it on his nightstand rather than get up and walk three feet to go to the bathroom.

I was loading the dishwasher and doing a walk-through looking for random plates, glasses, etc and his door was open and I saw the glass sitting there. It appeared to be tea. I picked it up and the smell slapped me in the face. His room was already disgusting and at that point I was at max capacity with him, so I emptied it into his waterbed. When he came home later, he didn't even get angry with me, because he knew he was crazy.

He's still around, and no I'm not friends with him. I drove past him not all that long ago parked outside the county courthouse. His equally annoying crazy aggressive dog was going batshiat barking at nothing in the camper shell on the back of his truck, and he appeared to be crying.
 
2012-02-24 09:56:36 AM  

blondski: ibanezdude: I always wondered whether commuting to university and living with my parents for a couple years afterwards was a smart decision, seeing as I had very little privacy and everyone else was having fun partying away at school. Then I read threads like this and feel a little bit better. Just a little.

Being forced to live with a stranger in a 10 foot box is an excellent lesson in tolerance.


Now imagine you're both drunk roughly 50% of the time, and you're both trained to kill. The Army is a hell of a place.

I had a roommate in the Army who, on his 21st birthday (I was about a year younger) announced that his goal that night was to puke, piss AND shiat himself. He came in about 6:00 that morning... we had to be in formation at 6:30 for PT (running, pushups... not the sort of thing you want to do when you're blackout drunk, although I pulled it off a couple of times).

He succeeded in pissing himself, I found that out when I went to wake him up to go. He wouldn't respond to yelling, hitting or shoving; I pulled him out of the chair and he crawled back into it. So I went to formation without him, telling our NCO's that Cosme was blacked out in the room.

Immediately after PT, somebody had finally gotten him awake and he saw me walking back to the barracks... so he tried to fight me, yelling "what the hell is your problem, man!" I felt bad I hadn't done more, but there's no way that was my damned fault. This is the same kid we had to drag back from Mexico at 10:00 am one morning because he and another soldier decided they'd "made friends" with the Mexican barflies and they weren't coming back to the Army, and who actually went AWOL another time. I was so happy when that ass PCS'd to Korea.

Of course, in college, I was the drunk asshole who loved to fight. It's all about perspective, I guess.
 
2012-02-24 09:57:03 AM  
In the Air Force we didn't have roommates, per se, but did have to share a bathroom with an adjoining unit.

One night the guy next door drank a bunch of red wine and ate a gallon of spaghetti, which he then threw up in his sink. This clogged the pipes in the common shower and it all backed up through the floor drain while I was in there the next morning.

I almost gag thinking about it, even today.
 
2012-02-24 10:00:32 AM  
As a person who once shared a bachelor pad with John Wayne Gacy, I'm getting a kick out of these responses.
 
2012-02-24 10:01:47 AM  
I've never had a roommate, but when I was living in the dorms, I remember we wound up having to evict a guy from the 1st floor (I was on 3rd). We were the non-traditional dorm (I was 20, normally too young, but they let me live there anyway) and this guy was probably in his 40's. He showered once at the beginning of the semester and that was it. As the months progressed, his smell and the smell coming from his room got worse and worse. If you were on the 1st floor, you could smell him walking into the building before you saw him. Finally he was evicted for sanitation reasons. Apparently when they went to clean out his room, they found cigarette butts stomped out all over the floor and raw meat lying around.

He was a perfectly nice person, but something must have been really wrong with him mentally.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 10:03:34 AM  

toejam: Junior year of college. I was alone in the apartment (I had 4 roommates). Get a knock at the door one night. Open the door and city cops and FBI push their way in with a search warrant. Long story short, crazy roommate was wanted for murder and had been on the lam for a year. They had picked him up earlier that day and were searching for goods purchased with his victim's credit card. He had stabbed the guy over 40 times and caved his skull in with a statue.

At least they left the weed they found.


*blinkblink* I bet that made you wonder how you survived.

/it would've made me wonder. wtf.
 
2012-02-24 10:07:18 AM  

MAYORBOB: As a person who once shared a bachelor pad with John Wayne Gacy, I'm getting a kick out of these responses.


Kid I went to school with was found under his house.
 
2012-02-24 10:07:56 AM  
I've got a long-time buddy, was a short term FWB for a bit. He's great from a distance.
Our first roommate experience ended up with his motorcycle and several spare parts living in our living room.
I braved his room once; where he slept on a mat on the floor. Hundreds of beer cans scattered all over the place. Sure, 'we' partied in the common area...but he partied even more in his room. I ended up gluing them into 6-high stacks one night while he was asleep and surrounding him with the stacks. Good times.
When he finally left he returned all the cans and substantially padded his road-trip fund.

Our second roommate experience, he was crashing on a mat in the basement of the house my folks had both moved out of and left 'us all' in charge of. Those were his douchebag days, he and his bluelight/gunnut buddies would hang out down there shooting bb guns into the ceiling. After he banged my BFF (ended up knocking her up actually...dude has his own baseball team by now) I had a relative take all his crap and leave it on his mom's front yard. She was pretty pissed off....that she had to go back to being the one putting up with his crap.

Only really had one other non-romantic-type roommate, he was and still is a lazy, sponging all-day-angry-drunk type who's never really held a job for more than several months at a time - all lowest-end retail and ends up fired for mooching out of the registers - I'm pretty sure he's some kind of psycho, he makes up all manners of fancy, monied scenarios for himself, flies into ridiculous violent rages, especially when confronted on his behavior- blames everybody in the world for his lack of productivity, denies his drug problems, insolvency, claims he's basically waiting for one or the other parent to kick off so he can begin living the preppy house/car/clothes lifestyle he deserves. Currently living with mommy. I keep him at arm's length anymore.
The common denominator on the few occasions I've ended up having to take care of him was theft. Stole 300$ from a brother once and proceeded to bus it off to Boston and pretend to actually have his own cash. Calling him out on it provoked yet another violent rage.

Lucky enough to not have anything more to report than this. My current roommate is my spouse and he's a keeper.
 
2012-02-24 10:09:18 AM  

rickythepenguin: Nadie_AZ: Heh. Try going to college as a young adult ... and married.
...
requiem for stuff you never crushed in D- (the saddest of all keys)


You, sir, are now among my favorites.
 
2012-02-24 10:13:02 AM  
Worse roommate ever is the one I live with now. Wears my clothes, drives my cars, eats my food, spends my money and bangs my old lady. I hate that guy.
 
2012-02-24 10:14:52 AM  
I had one that never bathed, never showered or washed her clothes, and my god she smelled horrible. If she was downstairs, I had to be upstairs. Or better yet, out of the house.

She'd leave used maxi pads on the bathroom floor and ate off of dirty dishes. If she actually did shower, I would have to clean the bathtub to be able to use it again. Once I tried to wash a stinky blanket she left in the living room all the time. 3 washes and it still smelled awful.

The worst was when she "adopted" a cat. The coke head never took care of it and it turned into the worst behaved kitten I've ever seen. It clawed and trashed everything and tortured my own cat. I eventually realized it was because she didn't feed it. I also couldn't make her understand that you absolutely don't put a cat's food and water next to the litter box for them to kick litter into. I would feed and give water to the cat, moving the dishes away from the litter box, and she'd just move them back beside the litter box. The cat's water would be full of dirty kitty litter.

Eventually she started throwing the cat outside because she didn't want to take care of it. The neighbors would bring it back to me. After I moved out I called the Humane Society, but I doubt they did anything to help and I'm sure the cat would have been dead anyways.
 
2012-02-24 10:16:32 AM  
My room-mate woke me up one night, only for me to realize I was already standing with my d*ck in my hands. I had been peeing on the laundry room door from the inside of the house. He tells me that before I came to, I was assuring him I would flush when I was done and he could just calm down already...

/ so wasted
// I'll get the swiffer
 
d3
2012-02-24 10:19:16 AM  
Sophomore year one of my roomies liked to play with Mercury using his bare hands. He kept it in a glass bottle. Went to his house to play table tennis once. The ball ended up behind a bookshelf. He was pissed off and ripped the shelf away from the wall. On the shelf were 3 different bottles of highly concentrated acid (HCL, Sulfuric, and can't remember the 3rd). The glass breaks on the hard floor and the acid immediately dissolves the carpet fibers. We used every box of baking soda in the house to neutralize it all along with lots of water. When we sucked it up in a shop vac, the fibers plus C02 turned into a type of Styrofoam.

Then my senior year my roommate and I were the crazy ones in our house of 6. Waking the house coming back drunk. Generally being dicks to three of the other 4 because they were nerds.
 
2012-02-24 10:21:59 AM  
I lived with a guy that I went to school with for IT. We were both really into networking etc (windows 2000 era). He had this hot friend (girl) that he grew up with and desperately wanted to date. Well, I started talking to her...a lot, and mostly on Windows Messenger. When it came to me sleeping with her at her place, I started noticing that he was anticipating my moves....calling her, asking her to hang out when we were getting together. That's when I realized that he had a packet sniffer on our network, and was spying on all my conversations over Windows Messenger. Luckilly enough, our lease ended soon after. I moved out without telling him, and moved on with my life. He found out later that I knew, and we haven't spoken since. As for the girl, she was CRAZY, but AMAZING in the sack.

/yeah I know, cool story bra
 
2012-02-24 10:24:12 AM  
Crazy Roommate stories... where to begin..

Had a roommate that was absolutely frightening.
I came home one day to find the kitchen covered in broken glass, found out this roommate had gone on a rampage because there was a box of Mac & Cheese that was missing. it was not even his box.

had another roommate that would starve himself when he felt the other roommates didnt like (read pay enough attention to) him..by the time he moved out he was a twig, because we really didnt like him
 
2012-02-24 10:24:46 AM  
The longest roommate I had was a 6-foot tall, 240lb Mexican. He drank excessively and loved drawing penises on the doors in the dorms when he got drunk. The university eventually figured out who it was and gave him a stern warning. So he managed to get other people drunk, convince them it was a good idea to draw penises on the doors, and had them draw said penises.

One time he got really wasted and went to the bathroom, locked the door, then passed out on the floor. Another time he got even more drunk and started urinating in the corner of our 14x14 room. And then there was the time we got in a tussle in the room (I was 180lb at the time) and I tossed him into our full-size stoplight, lacerating his toe. He may have had a bad reaction to the vodka that we ran through the water filter also.


I went to his wedding a couple years after that and he had given up drinking almost entirely.

There was also a time that I walked by someone else's room, and the door was open. The two guys in there had made a tent out of their beds and some sheets. I asked them what it was for and they said "to keep the girls out".
 
2012-02-24 10:25:02 AM  
Two roommates in College:

• Bat-shiat insane, emotionally damaged hairy-armpit-bisexual-know-it-all-and-will-tell-you-even-if-you-didn't -ask theatre major.*

*
She would like you to know that she never, ever attends a music festival or musical event unless it's a fund-raiser or political rally, so please remember that and try to follow her example. She also enjoyed sitting in the dark, so when I came home and switched on the lights, sometimes she would be right there on the couch staring into space and would ask me to turn the lights off. .....oooooooh-kaaaaaaay.

• Communist, activist and alt-music super-snob in a very, very serious alternative band. Never threw anything away, and was strangely ungrateful to his family for his free ride to higher education.

My last apartment roommate was 12 years ago. Major right-wing gun nut, so it countered and matched the crazy from before.

The whole experience made me realize that crazy is crazy, no matter where or who you are.
 
2012-02-24 10:25:17 AM  
My current condo-mate says that I'm the best part time drunk she's ever known, since she's dealt with her share of stupid stumble bum drunken boyfriends.

I drink lots of beer on weekends, play my stereo loud, get giddy and happy, order pizza, bump into things, then close down the tunes and go to bed. Usually by 10pm.
 
2012-02-24 10:29:31 AM  
Not my roommate, but a friend of mine's - He had 2 roommates who would sit around in the living room watching porn on tv and jacking off. Me and him walked into his apartment and they said 'hey whats up' and continued, made no attempt to cover up or hide it or anything.. My friend said they did this all the time and shot their loads all over the floor.

:|
 
2012-02-24 10:33:22 AM  

hammettman: My first roommate lasted a month. I've come to learn in life that there are people who possess no "situational awareness" about themselves and their immediate surroundings. That was my (Awesomeness redacted) ...


VCSB
 
2012-02-24 10:34:35 AM  
My friend (female) lived with a very attractive girl. I went to visit her once and slept over in the living room. The roommate came home drunk at some time during the night and came into the living room naked at some point after that. She looked around bewildered, and proceeded to fart.
 
2012-02-24 10:35:53 AM  
Do you mean the crazy roommate who brought home his crazy friend, who had consumed two-thirds of a bottle of Jack Daniel's and dropped three Quaaludes and who was near death and wanted me to fix him up? That roommate? The last roommate I ever tolerated?
 
2012-02-24 10:36:14 AM  
Oh yes do I have some fun stories

The year after I graduated, I signed a sublease on an apartment for the summer. I was going to relax, take one fun class, and enjoy my summer break in Blacksburg before starting grad school.

When I signed the sublease, there were two very cute girls living in the apartment's other two bedrooms. I was very excited about my prospects for the summer!

However, when I returned, I was met by a tall, lanky, middle aged redneck. Apparently one girl had decided not to live in Blacksburg for the summer, and the other had rented to "George A"

George A was a nice guy to me - really nice - but he had lived a very colorful life. He'd talk about himself like this "I said to myself I said 'George A, you're gonna pull yo'sef up by yo' bootstraps, you gonna get out of this jail cell and yo' gonna make sumtin o' yo'sef!"

He also whittled bones. He carved a chicken bone into a naked woman and put it on top of our stereo.

When we were watching The Water Dance, he said "Boy, they really sure are naaace to ya in ICU"
Me: "Really, George A? what were you in ICU for?"
George A: "Stab wound"

Then he used to do his Engineering Fundamentals homework on the dining room, shirtless, while drinking a 12 pack of budweiser, cursing about how he didn't know how to do it. He'd get angry with me because I couldn't help him (I was an Econ major - I didn't know squat about engineering).

He didn't eat my food, he kept his place clean, and I never had an argument with him really, but he was quite peculiar!

//He called my girlfriend "yo' ol' ladeh"
 
2012-02-24 10:36:46 AM  

sweetmelissa31: The roommate came home drunk at some time during the night and came into the living room naked at some point after that. She looked around bewildered, and proceeded to fart.


That sounds like just about every man I know
 
2012-02-24 10:38:44 AM  
I have two, but they weren't my roommates, however an ex roommate of mine was involved in both

1) Ex roommate of mine had a suicidal room mate before me. He had a tremendous drinking problem, that was unfortunately exacerbated by female rejection. My roommate came home one night, started cooking a london broil (he loves to cook), about the time the meal was nearly ready he knocked on his roommates door. Of course, no answer. After a while of getting no response, he opens the door, finds his roommate has cut himself and bled to death on his own bed.

2) Neighbor in same apartment building, years later. Suddenly in the middle of the night, there's a girl screaming her lungs out outside her apartment. My roommate at the time (same living roommate from number (1)), goes over and tries to make sense of what's going on. The apartment manager is there, she's trying to calm the girl down, but being completely unsuccessful. My roommate goes into the apartment to see what's going on (he's a bold guy), and sees two asian parents holding their naked daughter, they're trying to get a response out of her, not sure what's going on. My friend can see evidence of hypostasis, she's dead. It turned out the dead girls boyfriend was insane, and strangled/raped her (unknown order) and dumped her in a closet. The roommate who was screaming uncontrollably had the body fall on her as she was helping her parents determine where their daughter was.
 
2012-02-24 10:39:03 AM  
My roommate freshman year of college liked to play video games very late at night/early in the morning. Turns out, I can learn to sleep through loud simulated gunfire.

Then he complained because I opened the blinds at noon - he had only gotten a few hours of sleep by then.
 
2012-02-24 10:42:37 AM  

Queen Mab: ....I came home from work one night to find every flat surface in the living room, dining room, and kitchen covered with guns. There must have been a hundred or more. Big guns, little ones, antique ones, scary military looking guns.....


Yeah, that happened to me as well. Sometimes I'd come home from work on Friday night and it looked like a gun show / beer brewing convention. Luckily my roommate had great taste in beer.
 
2012-02-24 10:44:11 AM  
I had a roommate my sophomore year in the dorms at college. He was a freshman and had just recently discovered the joys of alcohol. He and some friends had a pre-party before going out to one of the greek houses for some party. The story begins for me the next day...

A little after noon my roommate comes staggering back into our room looking like he'd just seen a ghost; his eyes won't focus and he's pale. He barely makes it over to his chair and more or less falls onto it and without exactly looking at anything at all he says "I think I was just raped."

He begins, "Some friends and I were in their room doing some jello shots before we went out to this party. And we get there and I'm already drunk and I start drinking, lots. And this girl comes up to me and she's really nice to me and she keeps bringing me beers. Everybody there keeps telling me not to go home with this girl, but she's being so nice to me."

He goes into some details about who said what, but it's not really important. He continues, "I don't really remember what happened after that. All that I know is that I woke up early this morning and I was naked. And she was naked. But I was too tired to push her off; so I went back to sleep."
 
2012-02-24 10:48:23 AM  
Mr. Right
2012-02-24 07:29:37 AM

How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.


If true, that's actually pretty awesome.
 
2012-02-24 10:50:37 AM  
My mom was bark-at-the-moon crazy, hated me, and was violent to boot, so moving out for college ASAP effectively got rid of the crazy roommate. Anything else after that -- sometimes I was the crazy roommate/housemate, sometimes they were -- was chump change compared to her.

/no, the 'rents didn't pay for college (or anything else after I left home), so I'm not being ungrateful.
//we were both happy with that arrangement
 
2012-02-24 10:52:23 AM  
Ok, I have one. I lived with her for 5 years and had 2 kids with her. Then she f*cked her co-worker, filed for divorce, and abandoned all 3 of us to fly to Alaska with her new f*ck-buddy for 6 months. Then, when she got back, she had the nerve to try to take the kids from me. Fortunately the judge told her to go EABOD. Good times!

//okay, that wasn't so much a roommate as an ex-wife, but we did live together, so I say it counts.
 
2012-02-24 10:52:34 AM  
I had a roommate who got mad cuz somebody broke her picture of a wrestler, so she ground up the broken glass in the carpet in front of my door, so I went after her with a chain. Then she left a well-worn dildo and a bunch of broken dishes when she moved out. Oh, and she would have random dudes over none of us knew. Came home one night to some buck-naked black guy cooking eggs at 3 in the morning in our kitchen. He turned out to be cool, tho a terrible cook.
 
2012-02-24 10:53:08 AM  

ChuDogg: Mr. Right
2012-02-24 07:29:37 AM

How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.

If true, that's actually pretty awesome.


Hell, I'd have married him myself!
 
2012-02-24 10:53:21 AM  

Big Man On Campus: however an ex roommate of mine was involved in both


Jesus, that guy has terrible luck.
 
2012-02-24 10:55:36 AM  
I lived with a crazy closeted lesbian "I'm a vegetarian that eats fish" type for a few months during an internship.... biatch was crazy as hell. I was confined to my room because she wouldn't even let me sit on her couch.

One day I was late for work so I left my cereal bowl and cup in the sink instead of washing it right away (the dishwasher was rendered unusable since she would put plates with whole leaves of lettuce and whatnot in it, then complained that all it did was "blow dirt around"). I came home from work to find the dirty bowl and cup in my bed.

I got my revenge when I had a guy over one evening. She was at work so he came over for us to go swim in the building's pool. Had him leave his underwear on her precious couch. She lost her shiat at me. Bwahahaha.

We suspected that she had mercury poisoning from all the canned salmon and tuna she ate.
 
2012-02-24 10:58:54 AM  
Ah yes... Little Miss Homeschool, a friend of my ex's. She never, ever cleaned up after herself. She rarely cooked, and then only for herself, but she certainly insisted on eating when I cooked or we ordered out. She got fired from at least four jobs that I know of because "the manager said I couldn't answer my cell while I'm working, fark that, I pay the bill, I have the right to answer my phone when I damn well please", and Mom & Dad paid her share of the bills most months. Then she moved in her filthy nasty, showered once a week if that, underage boyfriend whose parents threw him out.

One incident that sticks in mind was when they went on a weekend camping trip. They came home and left their cooler, still full of food, sitting in the living room. Two weeks later, the cooler (now full of gross moldy food) was still sitting there. Gave them two days' warning to do something with the damn cooler or I was tossing it in the dumpster. They didn't, so I did - and she threw a hissy fit because I threw out a "perfectly good cooler".

Things got more and more hostile until they finally moved out. They'd scheduled their move for the same day I was supposed to go back to work after being on maternity leave, and a week or so beforehand we caught them bragging to neighbors about how they were waiting for me to go back to work to move out because they were going to steal everything they could carry when they did. Confronted them the next day and informed them that I was going to be staying home after all, I was going to watch them when they moved and make sure none of our property was removed, and if anything turned up missing, charges would be filed.

Her mature and reasoned response to this? "Yeah well my little sister is cuter than your baby anyway!" before she stomped off in a huff, and Mommy and Daddy moved her out the very next day.

farking psychopath. This is why I will never, EVER have a roommate again.
 
2012-02-24 10:59:34 AM  
I think I'm the crazy roommate in most cases, but there are two exceptions.

One: The roommate asked me to get a new set of batteries for her and her daughter's vibrators. I didn't ask if they shared.

Two: Another roomie tried luring wild animals into my house, and actually succeeded with a raccoon. We soon parted ways.
 
2012-02-24 11:02:56 AM  

moothemagiccow: Roommate played:
Collective Soul - December
Powderfinger - My Happiness
and some "everything" song I can't name
Over and over. He complained that before the roommate before me left, roommate played the same three songs over and over. I really think he had no idea he was doing it. He just loved those songs. He would sing along poorly when I was wearing headphones like I was directing air traffic or something.

He would do that thing where he's behind you in the hall and he doesn't say anything and then when you get to your door he stops with you (and starts laughing). It was cute the first couple times. He did it all the time.

All he talked about was going back to Japan. He longed for it. He didn't speak Japanese (I asked), he grew up on a US military base.


And did you ever have one that would come in laughing with his friends at 1 in the afternoon when you would just be waking up?

\Always nice to read your posts!!
\\"But they didn't have sex or anything"
 
2012-02-24 11:04:28 AM  
Although this isn't as bad as some of the stories I read here, I thought I would add mine:

Had a roommate that would tape the TV show "Wings" and watch it over and over throughout the day. He'd bust out laughing at every joke like it was the first time he heard it.

He'd do the same with the "You might be a redneck if..." video. I still can't stand Jeff Foxworthy to this day because of it.

/Helen Chappel was still hot, though
 
2012-02-24 11:07:28 AM  
Two...one was mine and the other was a story from a guy I worked with.

Mine-

my apartment mate has the master bedroom and mine is the one on the other side of his closet. he keeps his closets open and just piles his stuff in there. he sleeps on a rollaway bed because he doesn't come from a family that has money (all disability and unemployment). another apartment mate has a friend come down for he weekend (a girl who is loud and fat, and is a horrible cook and ruined my teflon pan by cooking refried beans in it and scrapping it out with a metal spoon).

well, the guy in the master bedroom and the fat girl decide to hook up and become boyfriend/girlfriend. one night i am trying to sleep and i hear grunting thru the wall and then i hear 'damnit -insert name here-, not again. can't you last more than 37 seconds'. they broke up not too long after. she was psycho in other ways but i still chuckle at the way she said it.


the guy i worked with from 1992 or 93-

he (tom) shared a townhouse with two other guys (who i didn't know). the two other guys liked to drink and smoke the mary-jane. well, they also liked to shoot a 22 in their basement. they had put up phone books (stealing them when the phone company put them out) and an old mattress at one end. one day they were drunk and high and were wondering what it was like to be shot. so they agreed that they would shoot each other thru the bicep. so drunk and high roommate number one puts the gun up against the bicep and shoots. roommate two drops like a rock and is in such pain and agony. he goes up the stairs and calls 911 for an ambulance. roommate one feels bad that he did it so he puts the gun to his own bicep and shoots himself. evidently he felt bad because the other guy couldn't do it now and they had made a deal.

i chuckle everytime i think about that story or hear the words drunk and high.
 
2012-02-24 11:12:19 AM  

dj_spanmaster: I think I'm the crazy roommate in most cases, but there are two exceptions.

One: The roommate asked me to get a new set of batteries for her and her daughter's vibrators. I didn't ask if they shared.

Two: Another roomie tried luring wild animals into my house, and actually succeeded with a raccoon. We soon parted ways.


I should add that the daughter was 12. WTF is a 12 year old doing with a vibrator?
 
2012-02-24 11:14:45 AM  
The Navy graciously gifted me with a variety of unpleasant roomies while I was in the service. Here is another one:

One night in a foreign port, the Divisional Leading Petty Officer (LPO) came back aboard around 1AM, stinking drunk. He wandered into the berthing compartment (our compartment had about thirty people, and most of us kept our boots on the deck next to the three-high bunkbeds we called "racks"), peed into a bunch of peoples' shoes, tried to light several rack curtains on fire with a lighter (each rack had dark curtains we could pull closed to provide some darkness so we could sleep when the compartment lights were on- a frequent occurrence if you had to stand watch late at night), and generally was an obnoxious ass-hat loudly enough to wake up several people who were trying to sleep before going on the 0400-0800 watch (like me).

After pissing off just about everyone, our hero stumbled out of the compartment and went down a couple of decks to his shop, where he proceeded to pass out in a chair. A few people from the Division decided that punishment was due, and took action. Some person or persons unknown had jimmied the lock to the Paint Locker and painted the LPO blue. Solid blue, from head to toe.

This retribution happened while I was on watch in Damage Control (DC) Central, so the first I knew about it was the incoherent phone call at around 0500 from the LPO drunkenly demanding that I get the whole Division up and muster them in the DC shop. At some point during the still-drunk LPO's tirade, the Chief walked in and told him to STFU, because any "investigation" of the incident would start with the LPO's behavior after he returned to the ship.

A couple of sailors were detailed to clean up the paint and return the unused paint to the Paint Locker. The LPO was quietly transferred to another command within a week. No one was officially punished for the blue paint incident.

TL:DR version- drunk sailor abuses shipmates before passing out, wakes up painted blue.
 
2012-02-24 11:20:48 AM  
So many female farkers posting in this thread. Women sure can keep a grudge.

Let's see, my terrible roommates. The Mexican in college that smoked heroin in the dorm room? Actually he was pretty great other than the heroin. That's pretty much it, I guess! Everyone has quirks but they're pretty easy to overlook.
 
2012-02-24 11:21:01 AM  
One of my suitemates during my freshman year of college was a huge Sailor Moon fan. He had dolls, posters and even a damned Sailor Moon clock. We tried being nice to him, but he was just plain weird. My roommate and I held a small party after midterms, and he responded by telling the resident director and my roommate and I ended up being cited for underage drinking and we later lost our licenses. Bastard.

After moving into my apartment during my senior year, my roommates and I found a bike that the previous tenant had left behind when he went back home to China. I figured that we should just sell it and use the money for booze, but my roommate got toasted with some of his friends and decided the best course of action would be to take the bike outside and smash it against the wooden supports for the upstairs apartment's balcony. I came home from the bars to find the mangled bicycle on the ground under the now obviously listing balcony, and entered the apartment to find several holes in the wall made by my roommate's fists. I seriously thought that we would be evicted before the semester even began.

He had a bit of a drinking problem.
 
2012-02-24 11:21:22 AM  
ProTip: If you don't have a crazy roommate story, you're the crazy roommate.
 
2012-02-24 11:22:11 AM  
Back in college for a while I lived off campus with a friend. It was great when he wasent dating anyone. Because he would find the most bipolar girls in the world. Id come home from work or studying and find a chair sticking in the wall or something else smashed.
The best was one night I came home from work early and open the front door and there for my amusement is my roomate naked bent over a chair and crazyface his girl, also naked, stuffing a soup ladle (handle first) up his butt. Needless to say I started turning red because I was ready to explode with laughter. He had a deer in the headight look in his eyes.I said hello walked past them, went to my room buried my face in a pillow and laughed until I almost threw up. I cried I laughed so hard. Well after about 10 min of that there is a knock at my door its him in his robe. I am still red in the face and crying. He asked me for a favor and that favor was not to tell anyone. I said sure but he would have to tell me why he was doing that. He told me that crazyface wouldnt let him do her up the butt until he knew what it felt like. Made me laugh all over again.
I moved out 4 months after that because of her and her freeloading friends stealing from me, sleeping in my bed. And just driving me insane in general.

Might have to toss out my current roomate soon.
 
2012-02-24 11:29:13 AM  
I didn't really have a "crazy" roommate perse but just standard bickering to the point where we couldn't stand to be around one another. My freshman roommate and I got along ok. We were indifferent, didn't have much in common and would have our little Eeyore and Tigger themed dorm together (we both mutually thought it was cute that we both had our own Pooh character as a totum). After that I moved in with a friend and she was really everything a roommate could ask for. We both slacked on dishes but we both hung out, would watch movies, liked cooking and she respected my need to use some of the common space for big final projects (I was an art major, she was pre-med). She was engaged by the end of sophomore year and moved out. So in came "Fern".

I knew this girl in high school. Same circle of friends, nice quiet girl, pretty shy but we were a lot alike. Apparently she had a nervous breakdown at the end of her first year at VT because she was miserable and didn't want to be an engineer. Should have been a red flag right there. So we got together, I worked with her for 4 months working on a portfolio and getting her application together. She got into the school but not the art program. Well. At least she wasn't going to be at a school she hated. She moved in and right off the bat told me that unless I made a strict vegetarian dish she wouldn't partake in any meals with me. I mean, if I made a chicken breast for dinner she would come in and proclaim "Oh my GAWD! It smells like DEATH in here!" She had this tick about rearranging my pillows and cushions in the living room because she didn't like them. She would reverse them so that the beige backs would be visible and not the embroidered fronts. I would keep flipping them back until I would go into my room and discover that she just started dumping them on my easy chair or bed. Hoooo-kay crazy lady, but whatever. She insisted that I was dirty because I wouldn't clean dishes right away (would run hot water over them so food washed away, just didn't 'wash them' yet) and would have clothes on the floor. However, I did laundry once a week so just because they were dirty and my room was cluttered I was at least clean and kept a sanitary living space. Her idea of cleaning was that she'd put things away but never actually cleaned surfaces. So I would find breadcrumbs and oily residues all over the apartment which was a BIG NO-NO in my book because our building had both mice and roaches. She also would do laundry only once a month or every 2 so her wardrobe would smell really bad. She once bought a bag of ice for a party but forgot to put it in the freeze so it melted on the counter. All the water got sopped up by my entire cook book library, to include the Joy of Cooking which was my bible those first years on my own. Me: living a cluttered lifestyle but I managed to keep food sealed up tight. Her: kept things organized but was filthy beneath the surface.

The last straw was the time leading up to finals my last year. I had a package design class and pretty much took over the dining room area (this apartment was sizable enough that we had a large enough living room that we would eat in and watch TV in so this room was more for studying anyway). So I had literally thousands of pieces of painstakingly cut paper in which I had to keep assembling these various boxes and creations. I came home from work one day and found that the work room had been completely cleaned and reorganized with all my paper gone. Two days before my final project was due. She shuffled every scrap into a single trash bag which was dumped in my bedroom. Her last friend came over to hang out that night, which was my friend too, and he had to school her on why you don't f*ck with an art major's sh*t and why that was a crappy thing to do to me. She turned around and told him that she was afraid for her life when I found out about the trash bag.

I should also say that when she moved in with me and started going to my school she got my friends through default. She never managed to make a single friend of her own and even though I had the largest dwelling and ideal party space, almost all of my friends refused to come over because they didn't want to hang out with her or run into her. She was turning into a condescending b*tch at that point too. Well, her last friend in this group moved in when I moved out (she drove me from the place I loved and lived in for 4 years) and he thought I was exaggerating with the weird behavior and her general b*tchiness. He called me up after two months to apologize (he was taking her side in fights too because I was driven to madness at that point) and told me that I had the patience of a saint for having not slapped the smug out of her before moving.
 
2012-02-24 11:32:17 AM  

category_five: So many female farkers posting in this thread. Women sure can keep a grudge.

Let's see, my terrible roommates. The Mexican in college that smoked heroin in the dorm room? Actually he was pretty great other than the heroin. That's pretty much it, I guess! Everyone has quirks but they're pretty easy to overlook.


I'm not holding a grudge, I had crazy-ass roommates, and now live on my own. I'm much happier. I can afford it now because I'm not a poor student.

You do have to admit the crazy landlord was doing some bad shiat. He was essentially a slum landlord, racist, paranoid, and tried to keep my damage deposit and the interest it collected, when there was nothing wrong with my room when I moved out. The house I lived in wasn't his only rental unit. He had several in the university town, and a few others in another town. All of the properties were pretty skeevy apparently.
 
2012-02-24 11:35:11 AM  
Cheesus:

/still liked him better than the psychology major



Jeez.....that reminded me. Hard a roommate, he was a serious spoiled mamma's boy from a wealthy family. "M", was a psychology major. I'd often come home to find 4-5 people sitting on the couch, with clipboards in hand. They would all stop talking when I came into the house. Sometimes one of them would .."tick" ..mark something on their clipboard. One night we had a kegger with the neighbors, and there they were, all sitting on the couch with their goddamn clipboards. I glared at them since they were seriously harshing our fun, and one would..."tick" ...mark something on the clipboard. Always felt as if I were part of some experiment in roommate case studies.
One day I got a free couch from my girlfriend, her dad gave it to me. He had cats. The couch didn't smell like cats, at least to a human nose. We had the bare minimum of furniture, so it was a nice addition to the living room. "M" decides to let my dog in out of the back yard and leaves him in the living room with the new couch. My dog is a 100 pound Rhodesian Ridgeback.
Who promptly eats the couch.
I opened the front door to a giant mess consisting of the remains of the couch with my dog wagging his tail as if to say, "Hey, I thought there was a cat in here, but GOOD NEWS, there's NO CAT!!!!! *wag*.
"M"'s favorite roommate torture was to lean by me as I was washing my dishes, rinse his hands off in the sink, then flick his wet hands at my back. First time he did it I thought to myself, what the fark, did you just do that? Then he did it again. The last time he tried it, I knew it was coming, and as he was ready to flick, I turned around and caught him in mid-flick.
The guilty look on his yap was priceless.
Other typical roommate stuff... eating my frikkin' ice cream and leaving 1 spoonful, as if, hey, I had some of your ice cream, but yay, I left you some! Never did flush the goddamn toilet either.
He's now a prominent West Coast neuropsychologist.
But you're still a dickhead, M.
 
2012-02-24 11:47:18 AM  

ibanezdude: I always wondered whether commuting to university and living with my parents for a couple years afterwards was a smart decision, seeing as I had very little privacy and everyone else was having fun partying away at school. Then I read threads like this and feel a little bit better. Just a little.


Nope that was a crap decision
 
2012-02-24 11:49:46 AM  
The Navy graciously gifted me with a variety of unpleasant roomies while I was in the service. Here is another one:

One of the sailors in our division (we called him "the Troll") had a stuffed bunny rabbit that he slept with. He slept wearing only boxers or briefs with the rabbit shoved down into the front of his underwear. We discovered this when he fell out of his rack one night underway during heavy seas. He also was extremely reluctant to take showers. He smelled so bad he couldn't get laid in one of the brothels overseas even though he had a pocket full of cash. The rest of the Division complained about the smell, too, prompting the Chief to put a junior Petty Officer in charge of ensuring Troll-boy took a shower daily. Troll-boy's rack (the bottom rack-closest to the floor) was generally filthy as well, so we started calling the rack above his "the bridge" (because trolls live under bridges). Troll-boy also had frequent nightmares, where he would wake up everyone in the berthing compartment with his screams. The ship's Chaplain assured Troll-boy that we constantly gave him a hard time because we all secretly liked him. Not helping, Chaplain.

One night, Troll returned to the ship drunk (anyone noticing a recurrent theme here?). He collapsed in his rack quietly enough, but got up to pee in the night. Unfortunately for him, the toilets in the nearest Head (bathroom, for you civilian folks) were being worked on at the time (toilets on older ships frequently clogged, requiring the use of fire hoses to blast out the piping), and the head was about three inches deep in brown trout and black water. Troll boy, wearing only socks and shorts, walked right past the sailors blowing out the toilet pipes, waded through the muck to use the urinal, then walked out- tracking unspeakable muck through the passageways. I got the call up in Central, and sent out some people to hunt the troll down and get him cleaned up. I also dispatched a crew to start cleaning up the trail of filth he left behind him. One of the watchstanders found him two decks down, passed out next to a fire-fighting station with his dick in his hand. He spent the next few weekends on "Toilet duty"- replacing the duty personnel who would normally have been required to clear out clogged toilets.

Oddly enough, no one liked him.

/BTW, this is the mental image I get of internet trolls when I encounter them
 
2012-02-24 11:50:22 AM  
I have too many crazy roommate stories to tell. The worst was probably Carl, who had been an auto worker, and got laid off, and was using union benefits (or something) to go to school. By "go to school" I mean drink at least a fifth of whiskey a day and do as little else as possible. You don't know what crazy is until you encounter someone who is drunk all the time. Someone who does not know what it means to be sober. Once I came home to find him playing strip poker with three teens from the neighborhood, one guy and two chicks. Everyone else was fully clothed. Carl was stark naked. No explanation as I walked in. Just Carl and three teens at the table, only he's naked. WIth an empty whiskey bottle in front of him.

At one point Carl decided he needed to do some serious work on his engine. In the garage. And he walked in and out of the house repeatedly, across the carpets, trailing dirty motor oil everywhere.

I still feel sorry for our poor landlord. Carl trashed that house (he also kicked in a door at one point). Must have cost her thousands.

And then there was the time that Pepe, another roommate, went to the front door to talk to her. He was normally a good guy, but had just wrapped up his master's degree and gotten stinking drunk the night before. She was on the front step yammering at him about something. And he yakked all over her.

I have now scratched the surface of the surface in telling crazy roommate stories.
 
2012-02-24 11:52:42 AM  

Tanukis_Parachute: he (tom) shared a townhouse with two other guys (who i didn't know). the two other guys liked to drink and smoke the mary-jane. well, they also liked to shoot a 22 in their basement. they had put up phone books (stealing them when the phone company put them out) and an old mattress at one end. one day they were drunk and high and were wondering what it was like to be shot. so they agreed that they would shoot each other thru the bicep. so drunk and high roommate number one puts the gun up against the bicep and shoots. roommate two drops like a rock and is in such pain and agony. he goes up the stairs and calls 911 for an ambulance. roommate one feels bad that he did it so he puts the gun to his own bicep and shoots himself. evidently he felt bad because the other guy couldn't do it now and they had made a deal.

i chuckle everytime i think about that story or hear the words drunk and high.


I have partied a LOT and that has never really seemed like a good idea to me. Got married twice though which was very similar to shooting myself.
 
2012-02-24 11:54:29 AM  

The Banana Thug: My roommate was this weird ass Filipino guy. Actually, he doesn't appear weird at all. Or didn't do one really big weird thing. Just has a lot of weird anecdotes that just makes him seem, well, really farking weird.

He'd listen to Barry White while doing anything, because he thinks it'd make the event seem that much sexier. He'd comment how he just had the sexiest grocery shopping experience ever after taking his iPod loaded with Barry White tunes.

He used to sneak around and take people's cell phones to set the sax solo part from George Michael's "Careless Whisper" as their new ringtone.



Is this him? Link (new window)
 
2012-02-24 12:04:28 PM  
I knew I was in trouble when my freshman roommate was wearing a Howard Jones t-shirt during move in. He used to wake me up and ask me if I was going to the 8 am Chemistry lecture every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Never went except to the 2 exams and the final.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 12:09:35 PM  

BohemianGraham: Where to start?

I had a roommate for a month in first year. My roommate was a partying female jock. I'm not a nerd or anything, but I liked going to be by at least midnight, as I had early morning classes. She would come in at 2 in the morning, throwing shiat everywhere cursing loudly. I also went home one weekend, and came back to find that she had hooked up with the guy in the next room, and threw all the trash from that encounter in my bed and trash can, rather than her own. Classy.

She also used to go to class, and leave our dorm room door wide open for anyone and everyone to come in. I came back from class one day, with 5 random people in my room, who informed me that my roommate had gone to class. The last straw with the stupid biatch was Hell Night, where the senior res dwellers "initiated" the frosh. She comes home drunk off her ass, and stops breathing, because she drank so much, that the paramedics are called at 3AM. She then wakes up as they get there, and refuses to go with them. Did I mention that she was still 18 at the time, and wouldn't be 19 for another month? The university then charges her for the ambulance and fines her for underage drinking, and she claims she was going to try to weasle out of it by saying it was a diabetic coma.

One of her friends and I ended up switching rooms; her friend moved in with the roomie, and I got the friend's single room in the worst party section in another res. Annoying, but at least I didn't have to worry about my shiat getting stolen anymore. It was fun living there, despite the shiat covering the bathroom floor, and the used tampons in the halls.

Next year, I moved into a different section in res, and had an asshole neighbour who would complain about the slightest noise, even when I wasn't in the room. He had the RA on his side. He ended up moving out.

It was also a bit of a catty biatch section, as my best friend also lived in it, and had been close friends with the other girls the previous year. They tre ...


If it wasn't for you specifically referencing Canada.. I'd swear we met, hung out before, and you'd personally told me 3/4 of these stories about 6 years ago. Weird.

/that is all
//well, aside from.. I can picture shiate like that happening to me. Not 'OMG AWFUL' but.. enough to be farking annoying as hell.
 
2012-02-24 12:15:03 PM  
Here's a recent one - it's about my girlfriend, so it might not count. We had just moved in together (it'll help you to know that I'd been living in my own apartment for a while before that). She comes home one day, and I'm in the living room doing work. Mostly I'm pacing in the living room. So I say "hi", "how was your day?", that sort of thing. All she does is stare at me. Turns out she thinks there's something wrong with pacing around the living room completely naked. You just can't help some people.
 
2012-02-24 12:18:16 PM  
For a few years I lived in a big rental house off campus with 4 other guys. There were only two bathrooms, one on each floor, but all but one bedroom was on the second floor. So, you have 4 guys sharing a bathroom. Now, yes, it was dirty. Yes it was college "guy house" dirty. Facial hair clippings everywhere, dirty mildewy towels, etc... But the image in your head is nothing compared to what I'm going to tell you.

There was a stack of porn mags on top of the toilet tank. I know, that's pretty greasy to have communal porn mags, but it gets worse. Oh, and these weren't classy mags, either. The girls were mostly 6/10 at best and a lot of them had razor burn on their clams. Anyway, the walls were painted a bright white in the bathroom. Over the years, the wall next to the toilet got a little darker, and started developing a dripping contour to the surface. As time went on, the dark drippy spot got larger and darker. That's when I realized that guys were fapping to porn mags on the toilet and spunking on the wall without even wiping it up. Yep, a jizz covered wall next to a toilet with a stack of porn mags.

When I started dating this one girl, she would spend the night at my place often. She told me that our bathroom was gross, and it made her feel dirty. When I told her what that dark drippy stain was on our wall, she said we had to stay at her place after that. Which we did. She lived in a clean modern house with two other girls. I was OK with that.
 
2012-02-24 12:25:25 PM  
She was a shapeshifting vampire. Her father (whom I've never met) was LUCIFER. And once she woke me up at 3am so that I would have the "pleasure" of witnessing her channel the spirit of a dead salem witch.
On the plus side, I've gotten much better at spotting schizophrenia to avoid future occurrences.
 
2012-02-24 12:26:24 PM  
razor burn on their clams
 
2012-02-24 12:30:07 PM  

BohemianGraham: i moved out, and they accused me of being a dirty slob, and trashing the place, simply because I was from the Maritimes, and they were from Ontario, which was far superior.



Where in the Maritimes? I'm the token dirty drunken Newfie here. Seems that way anyway.
 
2012-02-24 12:30:51 PM  
My first apartment, I lived with 2 women.. one I knew well and one I didn't. The one I didn't know seemed a little sorostituty and prissy but seemed nice enough and I figured I'd be able to cohabitate with her just fine..

Yeah, no. Almost immediately upon moving in together, we discovered the level of pants-shiatting crazy we were dealing with. It started as your general roommate squabbles and it pretty quickly escalated to her having screaming fits over trivial and ridiculous things ("You dripped some coffee on the counter and didn't wipe it up immediately and NOW I'M GOING TO GET FOOD POISONING!!!!").

On top of this fairly random rage, it quickly became apparent once school started that she was not going to be attending much class and would rather be sitting in our living room, watching the insanely expensive cable TV package she ordered without consulting us, chain smoking with the windows closed. All day. She'd take occasional breaks to call her mom and ask for money, go buy Coach purses, and then complain about how broke she was.

AND the smelly, whiney biatch was a crazy oversharer. Shortly after starting a new job, I invited my manager over for a beer after work one night to thank him for all the time he had spent training me over the week and she wanders in to our conversation and somehow brings it around to a graphic description of getting raped in high school and her subsequent abortion. Another time, I had a friend over who had a scar on his neck from some recent surgery and she decided it was appropriate to whip her shirt off and show the large scar on her breast from a cyst removal.

Then the constant accusations of theft began.. and weird things... not just like "you took a roll of my toilet paper" but "you stole my boyfriends toothbrush!" and "you stole the sound card out of my computer!". Around this time she had also started befriending a bunch of sketchy-as-fark street kids who hung out around our apartment (we lived on State St. in Madison, if you're familiar..) and inviting them up to hang out and drink. One night I heard a commotion outside my bedroom and went out to find out that some drunk dude that her friend "Spooky" brought up w/ him had been trying to get in to our other roommates bedroom and was screaming about how he just got out of jail and he'll go back if he has to if they don't let him in.

So at this point we're just about at our last straw when she tells us that 5 of her boyfriend's friends will be staying at our apartment one weekend, because the huge frat house where her boyfriend lives and has 7 bazillion couches for people to stay on is "not nice enough". They show up and are obnoxious bros from rural MN who think Madison is Tijuana and get shiat wasted, trash our apartment, yell and scream and generally be obnoxious, invite random people over, and then pass out all over our living room until 3 in the afternoon when it starts again. Sunday morning I get up and survey the damage.. beer cans and shiat everywhere, obvious attempt and fail at making several frozen pizzas in the kitchen, trash left all over... and no microwave. Awesome. So I start picking shiat up and take out all of the trash and am in the process of cleaning all the dishes they use when the roommate appears.. I ask her where the microwave is.. she won't speak to me. This goes on for a few hours. I ask her for the 50th time where the microwave is... she says "You filthy biatches don't deserve to use it, you left it disgusting and it's mine and I took it". It was at that point I lost my shiat and explained to her how much of a farking coont she was, how I had cleaned up after her guests all weekend, how she was a smelly, stupid whore.. etc, etc.

She then proceeded to go out and purchase a mini-fridge and a padlock for her bedroom door, and then empty the apartment of all of her things, including the furniture, which she locked in our storage room (only after stealing the second key from my roommate). She lived locked in her bedroom, not speaking to us, for 3 months and then moved out early and got a very nice subletter. It was the best 3 months of the whole time there.

Oh, and it turns out after her constant and insane accusations of theft that actually she stole a bunch of shiat from my other roommate... and the manipulative biatch didn't steal anything of actual value but instead took a bunch of things that she knew had belonged to the other roommate's mother (who had died of cancer 4 years prior) and had sentimental value, like a quilt she made her and her old pots and pans.
 
2012-02-24 12:33:13 PM  

DGS: BohemianGraham: Where to start?

I had a roommate for a month in first year. My roommate was a partying female jock. I'm not a nerd or anything, but I liked going to be by at least midnight, as I had early morning classes. She would come in at 2 in the morning, throwing shiat everywhere cursing loudly. I also went home one weekend, and came back to find that she had hooked up with the guy in the next room, and threw all the trash from that encounter in my bed and trash can, rather than her own. Classy.

She also used to go to class, and leave our dorm room door wide open for anyone and everyone to come in. I came back from class one day, with 5 random people in my room, who informed me that my roommate had gone to class. The last straw with the stupid biatch was Hell Night, where the senior res dwellers "initiated" the frosh. She comes home drunk off her ass, and stops breathing, because she drank so much, that the paramedics are called at 3AM. She then wakes up as they get there, and refuses to go with them. Did I mention that she was still 18 at the time, and wouldn't be 19 for another month? The university then charges her for the ambulance and fines her for underage drinking, and she claims she was going to try to weasle out of it by saying it was a diabetic coma.

One of her friends and I ended up switching rooms; her friend moved in with the roomie, and I got the friend's single room in the worst party section in another res. Annoying, but at least I didn't have to worry about my shiat getting stolen anymore. It was fun living there, despite the shiat covering the bathroom floor, and the used tampons in the halls.

Next year, I moved into a different section in res, and had an asshole neighbour who would complain about the slightest noise, even when I wasn't in the room. He had the RA on his side. He ended up moving out.

It was also a bit of a catty biatch section, as my best friend also lived in it, and had been close friends with the other girls the previou ...


My first roommate literally scared the shiat out of me (imagine waking up to strange people carying your roommate into the room, and then panicking because she's not breathing), and then to have her turn around and brag about it and claiming it was a diabetic coma really pissed me off. Well, she already pissed me off because she didn't give a shiat about me, or respect me, and thought she could do whatever the hell she wanted. She was just a self-centred, shallow, biatch.

I mean, I drink, I've made an ass out of myself while drinking, and made myself sick, but that really took the cake, especially since a 19 year old kid ended up dying from doing the same thing this past September at my undergrad Alma Mater: Vodak thread on Fark (new window).

Actually, you might have read about my first roommate there, as I posted about her in the thread.
 
2012-02-24 12:33:36 PM  
my roommate once called me in to his room. As I walked in, I see him bent completely over with pants around ankles.

He asks, "Do you see any 'roids' back there? It hurts."

Told him it all looks as normal as it can. Moved out 6 weeks later.
 
2012-02-24 12:39:53 PM  
The first roommate I ever had was an older guy in his late 30's. He had been living in the "student ghetto" part of town since he graduated college several years earlier and never moved out of his college-era rental. He was nice when I went to the house to check it out before moving in, and we got along OK the majority of the time, but after a while I learned and witnessed some unsettling things. At the time I had just moved six hours north from my hometown and was 21 years old.

Our first landlord was a dumpy old woman who looked like a burlap sack of pork, was the color of a burnt hotdog, smelled like cigarettes and Lysol, and sounded like she ate tobacco and metal shavings. The roommate always talked about her and suggested that I take the nasty old lady out on a date and bang her "just to say that you did it." I told him that since he talks about her so much he might as well do it himself. A few weeks later I came home from work and as soon as I got into the house it smelled like when you dig down into that rotting black sand at the beach. It also smelled like Lysol and weed smoke so I knew immediately that my roommate had our nasty old landlord over. Just as I turned to close to the door and walk around the neighborhood until she was gone, I heard them upstairs going at it. They both stayed in his bedroom for several days and when she left he came bounding up to me and started talking about it. Ugh....he was truly pleased with himself.

About a year later, during a time when he quit his job in a huff (it was because his managers took away their annual allotment of new office furniture), and was asking his mom for money almost weekly, he suddenly vanished. I mean he was at the house from time to time but he was being really evasive. He stopped paying rent and bills, the house was unusually clean and the few times I saw him he had completely changed his wardrobe from something Rusty Venture would wear to something an 18-year old college freshman would wear. One night I came home after the bar, drunk, and got some water from the kitchen; I noticed a pink vinyl purse and some bottles of glitter laying on the counter, plus a tiny girl's jacket on the floor. I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw in the toilet the most disgusting thing I have ever seen before or since. It was a concoction of shiat, piss, used condoms, a pair of ripped panties, and a thick dark mass of blood or something on top. No toilet paper to be seen anywhere in or out of the toilet. I turned around and puked in the bathtub. Right when I was done vomiting I looked at the floor and saw droplets of liquid shiat and blood leading to the door, and just at that perfect moment when I was about to throw up again a girl who was probably not a day older than 14 came into the bathroom. She appeared drunk and she was covered in glitter and her legs were smeared with...santorum, probably.

I quickly washed my mouth out and left the house, drove about ten miles as fast as I could just get away from the place, and sat the thought about it for quite a while. I didn't know what to do. In the end I called some friends and told them about it and then called the cops. I didn't go back home for several days but when I did, the roommate was still there and so was the girl. A week later I received a letter from my landlord (not the dumpy woman, a new guy who was good friends with my creep roommate) saying that I owe my roommate something like $400 for cleaning supplies, paper towels and toilet paper he purchased over the previous year and a half, and that I was being evicted. I happily moved out and moved on. About two years later when I was telling the story to a friend, she said "I know your old roommate. That guy's disgusting. Someone called the police on him once because he was farking a little girl or something but I don't think he got in trouble." I never learned what really happened once the cops showed up.

Other tidbits about this guy:

- His usual diet consisted of only red wine (1-3 bottles a day) and canned tuna. I very rarely saw him eat anything else.

- One night he was drunk and insisted that because I sew for a living I will be much in demand when the country is plunged into chaos after the oil crisis. "People are going to need clothes and things like that."

- He always parked his car outside of the garage because it was full of garbage cans of rice, beans, and flour. A few months later he began to store glass jars of gasoline in there too.

- He liked to wear tropical print shirts, white linen shorts, sandals with black socks, and a big white straw hat in the summer time...it was very funny.

- Despite being gainfully employed for several years he would constantly beg money from his mom and dad. This was usually weekly but sometimes if he had a "big date" or something he would ask for money transfers daily.

- He would spend up to two hours on the toilet when he had to take a shiat. Really annoying.

And that's my story.
 
2012-02-24 12:43:59 PM  
It was a concoction of shiat, piss, used condoms, a pair of ripped panties, and a thick dark mass of blood or something on top.
 
2012-02-24 12:53:16 PM  

Mr. Right: How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.


You qualify as a Human Being as does the roommate.

/ I really hope this a true story.
 
2012-02-24 12:53:47 PM  

Space Cadet Netty: BohemianGraham: i moved out, and they accused me of being a dirty slob, and trashing the place, simply because I was from the Maritimes, and they were from Ontario, which was far superior.


Where in the Maritimes? I'm the token dirty drunken Newfie here. Seems that way anyway.


The Land of the Bluenose. Those two were a real piece of work. Douchey McDouchebag was from the outer part of the GTA, and thought he was totally hot shiat. He seriously only went into nursing because he thought it would make him a lot of money. He's the last person you want to be a nurse. His girlfriend was also in nursing, and was just as "charming." I had to clean my pots and pans before I moved out, as he was the dirty slob, not I. I was hardly in my apt once he moved his biatch girlfriend in. I didn't even cook there anymore, I ate out. They literally took over the whole place. It was a 4-bedroom apartment, and you essentially rented a room, and shared the common area. His girlfriend accosted me in front of the rental office one day, about a month after I had moved out. I was waiting to pay rent, and she started screaming at me about how I left the entire place in a mess, I was a dirty pig who left the kitchen in a mess, and that "my" bathroom stunk, and it still stinks because all Nova Scotians apparently are dirty, poor, and so on, and all this other bullshiat, and finally, I stole all their stuff. Rental office witnessed it, and told him, as well as her, that the only reason why she's staying in the place was because of Ontario Tenancy Laws, and she's essentially a squatter, and to leave me the fark alone or the RCMP would be getting involved. Never had to deal with those assholes again after that.


/I readily admit that I did take the brand-new futon that the roomie of 3 days left behind. That roomie moved in, but went home after 3 days due to family emergency, and never came back. She said we could take her stuff. I took the futon when they were out, because they had two of their own, and clearly didn't need it. Also, he was a farking cock, and she was a farking coont, and the amount of shiat I put up from them, I deserved that 150 dollar Wal-Mart futon damnit! (which I still have, although I hardly use it now that I have a REAL couch)
 
2012-02-24 12:59:17 PM  
I sleep walked almost weekly in college. My GF and I would go out, drink, have sex, then pass out.

I would wake up quite frequently in other people's beds naked. Sometimes they would find me and wake me up. I probably woke up in 50+ different beds in no less than 40 different dorm rooms my freshman year.

At first it, understandably, creeped people out - but towards the end of my first year, people came to accept it and it even became a big joke.

So yeah - i was the crazy.

Oddly, I haven't slept walked again since I moved out.
 
2012-02-24 01:00:25 PM  
I had a couple of them--I had one who was actually schizophrenic, and I took her to the psych ward once when she realized that she was losing it. I liked her though. she was strange but not dangerous.

The one I had to call the police on I didn't know, she just answered an ad to move in my house. I thought she was a little strange when I met her, but figured, so what--it's a big house, we don't even have to see each other except if we're both in the kitchen. So she immediately took over the den area, where she'd sit for hours watching nothing but G-rated movies that she'd gotten from the library. Once the electricity went out, and when I knocked on her bedroom door with some candles, she answered the door shielding herself like she was naked, even though she was wearing full baggy flannel pajamas. She also put a lock on her door as soon as she moved in.

She boiled stuff all over the stove and never wiped any of it up. When I told her she needed to do a little better than that, she told me that there wasn't anything to wipe it up with, even though I kept the usual kitchen stuff there and I keep a clean kitchen. I came home one day and discovered that she'd run a full wash machine cycle to wash one wash cloth. But it was the parking that finally brought the police. She had a problem with parking in the driveway, because apparently she couldn't back up. (We had a nice big yard, this wasn't in the city.) She complained that I parked in the garage, even though it was my house. So she kept doing U-ees to get out of the driveway, which quickly wore out all the grass because we were in the desert. When I asked her to please just back up like the driveway was meant to be used, she went into a rage and went outside and ran over a bunch of cacti, which she had to have mad skills to to even hit, since they were in between two big metal posts. Then she came back in, planted herself at my kitchen table, and proceeded to rant and rave about how I was a spoiled brat who parked in the garage and spent my money on pop. And how I thought I was such hot shiat because I was in college and who did I think I was anyway, and my mommy had wiped my ass my whole life (she didn't even know who my mother was, and we were not friendly)......

Since I have a psycho ex, I recognized the signs, so I told her that she was gone. Then I went outside and called the police. The sheriff came out (a pretty nice guy, thank god) and told me that I couldn't evict her just like that because she'd paid rent, unless she agreed to go. So she came outside and said that she'd leave (after telling the cop all the numerous ways that I'd assaulted her dignity), if I'd pay her back the entire month's rent, which I probably didn't have, since I spent all my money on pop. With the cop mediating, we agreed on a number, and I went and got some money for her. Then I guarded my room while she packed, and after a while she started apologizing like mad and telling me that she didn't mean to be that way and she was sorry, but I had to know......I stayed the fark away from her, because I already have PTSD and I was shaking and about to flip out myself. She took the lock off her door and set it at my feet like an offering. I told her I hoped that she figured out whatever it was that made her crazy and got some help, but she wasn't going to take it out on me. And I slept with the doors locked for a week after that.

After she was gone I went in to clean out her room and discovered all these weird little notes, maybe meant for me, maybe not. None of them made much sense.
 
2012-02-24 01:00:48 PM  
We knocked a hole in the wall downstairs.

Then the 3 of us shiat in the hole in the wall.

Then we sealed it back up

True story too
 
2012-02-24 01:07:02 PM  
oh god, laughing too hard to read more, must come back later...
 
2012-02-24 01:19:10 PM  
I had a roommate once who *found* people who had committed suicide a little too often for comfort. He 'found' one of his oldest friends in the mans house, who had apparently died from auto erotic asphyxiation. Then a few months later he 'found' a guy who had hung himself from a tree out in the middle of nowhere. I forget the details of the third one, but again it was asphyxiation-related. Nothing beats living with the question of 'is this guy unlucky, or a serial killer?'.
 
2012-02-24 01:23:37 PM  

glassbottomboatcaptain: I had a roommate once who *found* people who had committed suicide a little too often for comfort. He 'found' one of his oldest friends in the mans house, who had apparently died from auto erotic asphyxiation. Then a few months later he 'found' a guy who had hung himself from a tree out in the middle of nowhere. I forget the details of the third one, but again it was asphyxiation-related. Nothing beats living with the question of 'is this guy unlucky, or a serial killer?'.


Well, all the suicides could have sodomized themselves with a broom handle first, for one thing.
 
2012-02-24 01:24:40 PM  
Only two I guess that fit the bill.

2nd year in college, roommate was heavily Christian, would always listen to Christian Rock (Faith +1 type of stuff) and had DOZENS of visible, permanent cut scars on his forearms, that he would get by cutting himself and then smearing shiat into them. Also, he was a little TOO into the movie American Psycho (would watch it every week). He had the business card scene memorized to the word. By the way, this was at military college. How he got in I have no idea. He was gone by the end of that year.

Summer of 3rd year, living with my gf at the time and her lesbian best friend. Huge potheads, wasn't a major problem though, as the friend would bring home some interesting characters. The most noteworthy event was us three having dinner on the roof of the apartment building and somehow a three-way BJ resulted. Not nearly as practical as you'd think.
 
2012-02-24 01:25:45 PM  
My sophomore year college roommate. The day I moved in I open the door to find him in a clown getup and smiling. I just stared. He said we're out of toilet paper. Then honked his clown nose twice.
 
2012-02-24 01:26:20 PM  
I got one for y'all, sadly it's 100% true. Prepare for grossination.

Guy I went to high school with called me & my roomies out of the blue, about 5 years after graduation, looking for a place to crash while passing through Ottawa on his way out west. None of us liked the dude so we hung up on him.

Six months later, and with a new crew of my homies, he calls again, in the middle of the night. The guy who picked up remembered him too, and used to be semi-friends with him, and tells him to stop on by. With that, he made himself a part of the crew.

He had really turned into a skeez by then - putting 'anything goes' ads in the local mags, hanging round the porn stores, really sketchy women. Anyways, one day I'm home from work, no one around, chilling on my couch. I notice there's a lump under one of the cushions, so I see what it is. Aha, a porn digest (more stories than pics, basically). I start into the first story and immediately wish I hadn't - it's all 'So mommy came into my room when I was doing homework, and then.... And then sis comes in and... And then dad comes in and then....'

It turns out he was on the lam from the cops back home - he had being sexually abusing a retarded boy, and had a Canada-wide warrant out for his arrest. Unfortunately, I never found that out until well after I moved back home, and as far as I know, he's still out there somewhere. If you want his name, just ask.
 
2012-02-24 01:27:03 PM  
Well lets see. She'd leave her huge d*ldo on her bedside table right inside the door to her room. She'd draw pentagrams on the patio with chalk and do 'spells'. And she carved my ex's and my initials in a big phallic candle and left it in the living room. She said she was trying to get my ex and I back together.

Other than that, she was nice and easy to live with. :)
 
2012-02-24 01:27:48 PM  

CavalierEternal: My first roommate and I used to take turns doing to dishes.

By "take turns", I mean that I would take my turn and then she would leave her dishes in the sink for weeks (up to seven weeks at one point) at a time until the smell became so unbearable that I'd break down and do them myself.


I had a roommate like this, two of them, actually. The first, however, ended up in a standoff situation in which I didn't touch the dishes for probably three months. The fruit flies in the kitchen were so bad it was basically abandoned. Then he started using the bathroom sink to dump out his ramen...so three hours and one trash can full of vomit later, he came home to a cockpunt.

The best part is that the first and second roommate both always blamed the state of the apartment on me, even though one resulted in a fruit fly/roach infestation, and the other had a habit of hording rotting food.
 
2012-02-24 01:38:54 PM  

dj_spanmaster: WTF is a 12 year old doing with a vibrator?


same thing her mom is.
 
2012-02-24 01:40:03 PM  

IExpectAKill: I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw in the toilet the most disgusting thing I have ever seen before or since. It was a concoction of shiat, piss, used condoms, a pair of ripped panties, and a thick dark mass of blood or something on top. No toilet paper to be seen anywhere in or out of the toilet. I turned around and puked in the bathtub. Right when I was done vomiting I looked at the floor and saw droplets of liquid shiat and blood leading to the door, and just at that perfect moment when I was about to throw up again a girl who was probably not a day older than 14 came into the bathroom. She appeared drunk and she was covered in glitter and her legs were smeared with...santorum, probably.


This is officially the grossest roommate story, possibly ever.
 
2012-02-24 01:41:16 PM  
My freshmen college roommate did all of the following during the first semester:

Told females the clean side of the room (my side) was his side and the dirty side (his side) was his.

Had sex in the bed on the "clean side" at least twice and was caught in the act on one of those occasions.

Got drunk and pissed in a potted plant I was growing for extra credit.

Woke me up the night he decided to experiment with a guy.

Introduced me to midget, granny and prego porn.

Wore my underwear on numerous occasions, putting them back in my drawer, dirty or throwing them away afterwards.

Bathed once a week, if that, and used my toiletries to do so.

Used my toothbrush at least once.

Vomited on me (well, my blanket) while I was asleep and passed out on me.

NEVER stopped masturbating when I walked in on him, and also thought that it was okay to do it even if I were already in the room.

Threw the best and worst parties in our 10' X 12" room.

On no fewer than 3 occasions asked me to check him out for an STI because my majoring in biology, to him, meant that I was qualified to know such things. After one such time, he asked me if I would join him and some chick in a threesome because she had "never been with a black guy."

Had sex with an English professor's 16-year-old daughter (hopefully not in my bed/he was 17 at the time).

Played a game called brown billy with his baseball teammates. (think about it...)

*** And Now ***

Is now an associate attorney at a growing law firm in Atlanta, is married and has twins on the way, and I actually have love for the guy...
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 01:49:29 PM  

glassbottomboatcaptain: I had a roommate once who *found* people who had committed suicide a little too often for comfort. He 'found' one of his oldest friends in the mans house, who had apparently died from auto erotic asphyxiation. Then a few months later he 'found' a guy who had hung himself from a tree out in the middle of nowhere. I forget the details of the third one, but again it was asphyxiation-related. Nothing beats living with the question of 'is this guy unlucky, or a serial killer?'.


My money is on you being the serial killer that sets these up to just FARK with him.

/just sayin'
 
2012-02-24 01:50:28 PM  
I have many crazy roommate stories.

I don't think any of them frequent FARK, so here is one.

One of my roommates, the little man, brought home a girl that he met at a bar. She stayed for a while after that... like three months. She would walk around the house either naked or in panties and bra. Which at first was great, because she had a nice body and was easy on the eyes. It became uncool, when I would bring home girls and there was this naked chick sitting on the couch. I don't know what they would think but it kinda wrecked shiat for me.

When the two of them moved out, she got a photo shoot for playboy's college edition. The little man changed all the photos in the apartment to be of him and his buddies, so that he could prove it was his gf.
 
2012-02-24 01:55:17 PM  

dj_spanmaster: dj_spanmaster: I think I'm the crazy roommate in most cases, but there are two exceptions.

One: The roommate asked me to get a new set of batteries for her and her daughter's vibrators. I didn't ask if they shared.

Two: Another roomie tried luring wild animals into my house, and actually succeeded with a raccoon. We soon parted ways.

I should add that the daughter was 12. WTF is a 12 year old doing with a vibrator?


Masturbating
 
2012-02-24 01:56:35 PM  
Girlfriend at a time had a roommate who got caught, uh, in her lab.
I was more hurt than anything else. She never even looked in my direction.
 
2012-02-24 01:59:36 PM  

IExpectAKill: I was about to throw up again a girl who was probably not a day older than 14 came into the bathroom. She appeared drunk and she was covered in glitter and her legs were smeared with...santorum, probably.


You win, dude. You win. My God. You win.
 
2012-02-24 02:07:57 PM  

ritalinchild 54: Mr. Right: How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.

You qualify as a Human Being as does the roommate.

/ I really hope this a true story.


It is completely true. He really is a great human being. When he was living "rent-free," he worked as hard as he did out of gratitude and a sense of trying to repay me for what he perceived as my overwhelming kindness. Figure it out: I was paying the mortgage whether I had a roommate or not, the utilities were the same - the only thing he cost me was some food. In return, I got a great live-in butler. Because he wasn't eligible for unemployment payments, he had absolutely no income, so I would give him gas money, he bought all the groceries so I gave him money for that, and I gave him some spending money. After he found a job, he started trying to pay me back the spending money - which he had carefully kept track of, deducting out the cost of groceries, etc. I had to tell him that I was insulted that he wanted to pay me back, given the superb job he had done and the fact that he had gone above and beyond my every expectation of what he'd be doing in return for rent. He was nearly reduced to tears. He's the kind of guy you love to be nice to. As opposed to some of my relatives who, no matter how much you give them, it is never enough unless you give them everything you have - and then you'd better go make more so you can give them that as well.

But having rambled on about that, I hope that a lot of the stories in this thread aren't true. Or at least being told with a bit of hyperbole.
 
2012-02-24 02:15:12 PM  

rickythepenguin: my first college roommate was an oddball......he was an architecture major and he was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaay too attached to his mom. he called her (or she him) pretty much every day. the conversations - pre ipod era, small room - ended like this:


"ok! kisses!"

(her)

"mwah! kissy boy!"

(her)

"me too! kissies! mwah mwah mwah!"

(her)

"Kissy! Kissy mwah mwah kissy boy!"


I still go by the apartment when i'm in tucson. farking ratshack hasn't changed a BIT. seriously.

just googled him. he's out there. as we all are.


DUDE. I think I lived with that guy too. Seriously, you matched the major, the city, and the creepy mom-love.
 
2012-02-24 02:18:17 PM  

Jake Havechek: I had to go to court three times to get rid of a geniune nutbag roommate. Clinically speaking, she was a farking whack-a-loon. The whole sordid story is so messed up I get the timeline confused to this day.

When she was hauled off for the last time, we had at least 5 cop cars, an ambulance and a police van parked on the street because the radio call piqued all the cops and they wanted to see what was going on. It was a farking travesty. Farking horrorshow.

We eventually found out later that she was the "odd daughter" in this very rich family that was paid a stipend by her own family to stay away from them. Farking 'Pacific Heights' and shiat without the violent stuff.

It's kinda funny now, but nobody believes that stuff like that will happen to them until it actually does.


Please, please elaborate.
 
2012-02-24 02:22:31 PM  

sharpiegreed: Jake Havechek: I had to go to court three times to get rid of a geniune nutbag roommate. Clinically speaking, she was a farking whack-a-loon. The whole sordid story is so messed up I get the timeline confused to this day.

When she was hauled off for the last time, we had at least 5 cop cars, an ambulance and a police van parked on the street because the radio call piqued all the cops and they wanted to see what was going on. It was a farking travesty. Farking horrorshow.

We eventually found out later that she was the "odd daughter" in this very rich family that was paid a stipend by her own family to stay away from them. Farking 'Pacific Heights' and shiat without the violent stuff.

It's kinda funny now, but nobody believes that stuff like that will happen to them until it actually does.

Please, please elaborate.


I don't know if I can do that now, maybe after I've had a few drinks in me. I'll have to change some of the incidents slightly to protect the innocent if anybody else actually knows this person. I assume she's got to be in some kind of assisted living situation now because she was unable to take care of herself and neither were any of us.
 
2012-02-24 02:23:43 PM  
I had a dorm roommate my first year of college who was crazy slutty. Her sheets could have slithered off the bed and wandered down the hall in search of an ovum.
 
2012-02-24 02:25:31 PM  
This is why I love Fark...

/ I came
// I laughed
/// I cried

/ ...then came again...
 
2012-02-24 02:26:19 PM  

m3d_stud3nt: My freshmen college roommate did all of the following during the first semester:

Told females the clean side of the room (my side) was his side and the dirty side (his side) was his.

Had sex in the bed on the "clean side" at least twice and was caught in the act on one of those occasions.

Got drunk and pissed in a potted plant I was growing for extra credit.

Woke me up the night he decided to experiment with a guy.

Introduced me to midget, granny and prego porn.

Wore my underwear on numerous occasions, putting them back in my drawer, dirty or throwing them away afterwards.

Bathed once a week, if that, and used my toiletries to do so.

Used my toothbrush at least once.

Vomited on me (well, my blanket) while I was asleep and passed out on me.

NEVER stopped masturbating when I walked in on him, and also thought that it was okay to do it even if I were already in the room.

Threw the best and worst parties in our 10' X 12" room.

On no fewer than 3 occasions asked me to check him out for an STI because my majoring in biology, to him, meant that I was qualified to know such things. After one such time, he asked me if I would join him and some chick in a threesome because she had "never been with a black guy."

Had sex with an English professor's 16-year-old daughter (hopefully not in my bed/he was 17 at the time).

Played a game called brown billy with his baseball teammates. (think about it...)

*** And Now ***

Is now an associate attorney at a growing law firm in Atlanta, is married and has twins on the way, and I actually have love for the guy...


My dad is a lawyer here in Ga and he may know him. EIP. Please, I gotta know.
 
2012-02-24 02:28:27 PM  
I'll give you one hint: she had the same name as Lamb Chop's puppeteer and and from thence forth she gained the prefix "crazy".

The horror.........the horror.....
 
2012-02-24 02:32:45 PM  

Jake Havechek: I'll give you one hint: she had the same name as Lamb Chop's puppeteer and and from thence forth she gained the prefix "crazy".

The horror.........the horror.....


Big tease is what you are... come on man, spice up our cubicle farming lives!
 
2012-02-24 02:35:41 PM  
You know, I thought my roommate was a pain. He was just filthy and stiffed me on a few months rent. I apparently got away scott free. Girlfriend lives me with me now. She cooks, cleans, and keeps food in the house. I keep the lights, water, and cable on. It's heaven.
 
2012-02-24 02:38:38 PM  
I was the crazy rommate's crazy gf at one point in my life...sophomore year of college. I was insanely co-dependent and stayed almost every night in with my bf in his twin bed. He shared a dorm room with our friend who had a thing for me but I didn't know it until later. He would be icq'ing (1999) with the typing sound effect playing full blast while we had sex under the comforter (it was dark, at least).

I am not proud of that year.
 
2012-02-24 02:42:38 PM  
Had a furry roommate who possessed an enormous white tiger suit. INSISTED that I refer to it by name, because calling it "the furry suit" hurt IT'S feelings.

That's not even half of the crazy that went on, but that's all I care to relate at the moment. He moved out about three months into the lease, and thankfully paid the rest of the year while living back home with his "millionaire aristocratic mother from Ireland" (read: old hippy nurse that perpetually smelled of patchouli).
 
2012-02-24 02:49:27 PM  
NSCSB #1: For a while in my post college years, I lived with a Crazy Roommate.

--He used to cook bacon in an electric wok that never got cleaned. It always had about a quarter-inch of stale, rancid mazola in the bottom. He'd turn the heat up all the way, drop the bacon in. If enough of the oil evaporated or spattered out he just added more. The whole house stank of rancid grease and burnt bacon. I had a coat hanging on a peg in the front hallway that I had to throw away after I moved out of there because it had absorbed the smell. Worst of all...THIS PUT ME OFF BACON FOR LIFE.

--He never changed his bedsheets. Since his bedroom was located on the first floor, in what had been the living room, it stank up the common areas of the house.

--His personal hygiene was pretty deficient too.

--He talked to himself.

--Those of you who lived with roommates before cell phones were common may remember the drama that sometimes attended the arrival of the monthly phone bill. "Hour and ten minutes to Cincinnati, that's Jim calling his dad....forty five minutes to Riverside, California, that's me calling my parents...What's this call for 84 minutes to Buffalo? Anybody know anybody in Buffalo?" If nobody fessed up to it, the cost just had to get split up equally among the roommates. Well, the phone was in his name...and if there were unidentified calls on the bill that nobody claimed? He didn't pay for them. He didn't dispute them with the phone company either. By the time my friend K and I lived with him, though, he'd lived in that place for several years and the total had turned into about $250 in 1980s dollars. Which we all had to pay off once we got the notice of "pay up or we shut your phone off."

I moved out of there after the year was up into a small studio apartment by myself. I could barely afford it on the office-temp wages I was making at the time but it was the single best thing I ever did for my sanity.

I ran into this guy about ten years later, on the street. He was recently showered and coherent and had gotten a much better job. Good for him. He's not a bad guy, I just think he had some mental health issues that needed addressing and once he took care of 'em he was fine.

NSCSB #2:

My girlfriend B. and I lived with A., who owned a house. We got 2 of the 3 bedrooms and shared use of the common areas. After we'd lived there for about a year, A. got her ne'er-do-well brother, N., to move in, over mine and B.'s objections and at no discount in rent to us. N. had no job. In fact, once he did get a job, he farked it up because he neglected to tell them, under "Kid, have you ever been arrested?", of a conviction for petty marijuana possession that had happened while he was in college. N. was a shiatty roommate. He stole our food. At the time, I was working nights. He blasted music during the day when I had to sleep, and at night when B. had to sleep. (Baha Men "Who Let the Dogs Out?" was a particular favorite.) We complained repeatedly to A. about her "guest's" behavior and she failed utterly to do anything about it. Finally after we made the case to A. that he was more of a roommate than a houseguest, A. threw us a bit of a discount in rent. It wasn't long after *that* that B. and I decided the environment had become sufficiently intolerable that we talked A. into letting us out of our lease, and we moved out.

I found out later that N. was displaying the initial stages of some mental health issues that are entirely not his fault. So I can't say he's a bad person; he was an actual, literal "crazy" roommate. But it didn't make living with him any more pleasant.
 
2012-02-24 03:03:36 PM  
Hubby and I had the genius idea of having a friend from north Georgia live with us a for a while. We'll call him Bob. He'd just gotten kicked out of the house he was living in, and was only working two or three days a week at his job up there. So, in late 2007 he moved in. He got a job as a server and would always talk about how great his tips were, but habitually paid his share of rent late.

The longer Bob lived there, the worse it got. He was constantly smoking weed in the breezeway of our building, sometimes with some local teenagers. (He was in his early 30s at the time, btw.) We would come home from work to find random people sitting on our couch, soda spilled on our game controllers, etc.

One night he was supposed to meet some people at a local bowling alley, but plans changed, so he mentioned that a few people were coming over to the apartment. We had other plans, and when we came home, we were greeted by a party of 30 people, most of whom we did not know. Hubby and I went to bed, and a few minutes later, some guy opened our bedroom door and just stood there. I jumped up and screamed at him to get out.

We had to have the "please don't invite people over whom we don't know to play with our stuff and eat all of our food" conversation a couple times with him.

Fast forward to April 2008, and yet another friend came to stay with us, "just for a week". We'll call him Joe. He crashed on our couch for two and a half months. At first, it wasn't so bad. He cleaned up after himself, and even though he didn't have a car (although, I let him borrow mine a few times) he found a job very easily, and paid his share of rent on time every week.

Joe was also doing lots of drugs during this time, and farked the 17 year old girl who lived next door. (He was also in his early 30s at this time.)

In July, my mother was trying to help him get a job at the country club where she worked. One particular Friday, hubby and I both noticed some strange transactions in our bank account. He calls me while I"m at work asking me if I knew what they were. I did not, and we determined that Joe had stolen my husband's debit card to pay his cellphone bill and look at porn - on my husband's computer. Hubby got home from work, and Joe was there. He told Joe to pack his shiat and get the fark out.

At first, Joe denied that he had stolen from us, but a couple days later, admitted to Bob that he had, in fact, done so.

Joe and Bob are still friends, and are back living in north Georgia with Bob's mom and grandparents. Joe has been in and out of jail numerous times.

We are still friends with Joe, but he's one of those people who has done *lots* of drugs, and if he hadn't, he'd have done something awesome with his life. But he's at the point now where you just don't know if he's telling the truth or making something up. Even if he's making it up, he may actually believe it. He's one of the most genuine, accepting, open-minded people I know, but it's sad to see where he's at now in his life vs. where he could have been.

Joe's just an arsehole who has never apologized to us for stealing. And if you think I'm pissed off, hubby was *really* good friends with him, and before he came to stay with us would talk about how much he missed Joe. So yea, that really hurt hubby. Which pisses me off even more of course.

So glad that's all behind us!
 
2012-02-24 03:04:14 PM  
Er, rather, we are still friends with *Bob.
 
2012-02-24 03:23:57 PM  

karmaceutical: Jake Havechek: I'll give you one hint: she had the same name as Lamb Chop's puppeteer and and from thence forth she gained the prefix "crazy".

The horror.........the horror.....

Big tease is what you are... come on man, spice up our cubicle farming lives!


Well, I suppose maybe I can...after all, I am going to climb into a sic pack after work.

She seemed alright, initially(they all do). She was 32 while the rest of us were mid to late 20s and simple age bias made us assume somebody in their 30s had their shat together. She was a cocktail waitress and a (very mediocre) stand-up comedian.

First indication to me that something was off was when I arrived home from work and she was sitting on our garage-sale oriental rug with a large mug of what looked like hot chocolate, and the floral channel was on the TV. I did something in my room for awhile, probably changing out of work clothes into home clothes and went back out thru the living room on my way to the kitchen, she was gone by this time. In my sock feet, I stepped into a large warm spill on the carpet that she had not even bothered to clean up. A sign? Maybe, I wasn't sure.

Another roommate who lived in the room opposite hers had a weird event a few days later. Crazy ----- had asked one of my 'mates who lived upstairs if she could borrow a hammer so she could "change the lock on her door". He thought the choice of a hammer was odd, but turned it over nonetheless. The 'mate opposite her told us all Crazy did was bang the hell out of her doorknob and then just left it that way. Odd, weird, strange, but not quite yet straitjacket time.

These two incidents comprised of many more, which included her attempting to cook a whole chicken and failing at it and just stuffing the half cooked thing in the back of the fridge, where it began to stink after a few days. I'd arrive home to find her standing on the kitchen counters, cleaning the area between the cabinet and the ceiling with a wire brush, which left nice grey scratch marks on the drywall. Her cat was also insane. Big and fat like Garfield, she kept the poor cat in her room, at all times. At this point we did not know that her cat was pissing all over her entire carpet.

Her room was a total cluttered mess. Not like a collector or somebody who plain had a lot of stuff but just thrown everywhere, no rhyme or reason, clothes, papers, everything was just thrown everywhere. Other then her bed, all she had was a desk, which was piled under mounds of debris.

Now, all this on the face of it does not sound that bad......until the day of the final freak out.


Now, the rest of us living in the house were pretty much live and let live, do what you will but hurt none. We subscribed to the "Ice Age" ethos of 'when you are in a herd, you look after each other'. The roommate opposite her had had enough of her erratic behavior and was starting to fear for hers and our safety in general. A house meeting was called.... We were willing to help Crazy find some other place to live, and we would have to, because Crazy was becoming unpredictable, as if some kind of psychological break was coming on soon.

The second she was informed of the house meeting, she yelled,"you want to kick me out! If you kick me out, I'll kill myself!". She then stormed off to her room. We all shrugged, didn't think too much, emotional and immature people verbally threaten to kill themselves all the time. However, after 20 minutes, one roommate went to her room, saw through the ajar door that she was drinking, no, CHUGGING from what appeared to be fifth of whiskey. She turned to him and he noticed a white mass in her mouth, which turned out to be a huge mass of barbituates. He dragged her out, and forcibly, with two fingers, swept all the pills out of her mouth. 911 was called, and off she went for 24 hours.

She returned, of course. I was not there at the time, but she gave the usual homily sob story about how sorry she was, and for the rest of her lease period, she would come and go out the back door, and mostly remain in her room.

I'm sorry, but Homey don't play that. Suicide attempts mean all bets are off, I don't give a fark if it's "a cry for help", we will not have someone like that in the house, they need professional help. By now, the restraining order process had begun. The first dumbass judge was a fill in for the regular judge and basically told us that we were wasting his time. So, we went back again, and were only allowed to get an appointment for a hearing when this really nice Legal Aide felt sorry for us and pushed the request through.

Within 2 days our order was then served to her while she was staying a friend's house. When we knew she returning to our place for, who knows, the roommate who had taken out the complaint was told as soon as Crazy shows up, she was to leave the house and call 911. I was designated to hold and humor Crazy in the area until the officers showed up. She kept begging me for a cigarette and then went to her room. 2 uniforms showed up and I let them into the house. I heard some kind of ruckus, and then one of the cops came up to me and said she had said "the magic words"(I'm gonna kill myself) and then they were then legally obligated to PC her in the hospital for 24 hours.

Then, their Sergeant shows up, I let him in. Then 2 more cops show up. Then 2 more. Then 2 EMTs. Then 2 more cops. I'm in the kitchen, shaking like a Vet having PTSD, she's freaking out and kicking over furniture while the cop is trying to cuff her so she won't hurt herself or anybody else.

Finally........we get our hearing. With a lady judge. Oh, and BTW, she was an "actor", so we were worried she might "act" herself out of the situation. Sure enough, the waterworks started, but judge the honorable takes-no-shiat said that she was worried about our personal safety and said she would enact the restraining order for one year. Crazy had no choice, her lawyer(who brings a lawyer to a hearing?) was forced to concede.

The cleanup.

All her shiat was cleaned up by me, one roommate, and her boyfriend. We wore particle masks and rubber gloves. In addition to the cat piss(one of her friends took her poor cat), we found under the 6 inches of clutter, thousands and thousands of those little nicotine gum blister packs, everywhere. Out of curiosity, I counted the packets in one square foot and we estimated there were at least 5,000 of them. She must have been wired all the time, or was chewing big wads at a time.

Did it end there. No. We got tons of magazine subscriptions we didn't order, and the voice mail was filled with messages that started out with her pleading, but the time you got to the 20th message, she was screaming incoherent threats.

That was the last any of us ever heard from her.

Now my tale is told, and you, wedding guest, can go on your way, but heed this, my advice:

DON'T EVER GET A ROOMMATE OFF OF CRAIGSLIST!

And don't date robots.

I continue to thank you all for your support.
 
2012-02-24 03:26:31 PM  
I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors, as that is the longest missive I have written since high school.

Now, you can imagine how quickly that beer is going to jump down my throat tonight, and give me peace....
 
2012-02-24 03:44:13 PM  
Not so much a roommate story but...

I met my wife on what was our 2nd day of freshman year at college. We just hit it off and never parted. She'd spend time in my dorm room, and my roommate was cool with it. Our dorm room was right next to the pisser. One weekend when my roommate went to his family home, my girlfriend stayed in my dorm room.

We were fast asleep on the top bunk and I began to wake to a faucet sound. There was some dude standing there peeing in the bottom bunk, drunk as can be.

"What the fark are you doing?" I asked.

"Mrf. Mumble." *patter*patter*peeee-e-e

"What?!" I demanded.

"Mrf. Mumble."

"Well, I hope you had fun doing it."

I threw back the covers, naked parts dangling and all, and kicked him right in the face. *Plop*

I still saved the "Police Beat" section from the school paper on that one. Turns out he wasn't even a student.

My roommate could only laugh at it all when he returned and saw his mattress hanging out of our window drying after I'd cleaned up.
 
2012-02-24 03:45:32 PM  
Thanks to all who contributed here today. Well done; a great read.

The few roommates I've had over the years have all been very nice and respectful, so I don't have anything of substance to add here.

Carry on..
 
2012-02-24 03:47:35 PM  

sweetmelissa31: My friend (female) lived with a very attractive girl. I went to visit her once and slept over in the living room. The roommate came home drunk at some time during the night and came into the living room naked at some point after that. She looked around bewildered, and proceeded to fart.


I am so goddamn hard now.
 
2012-02-24 03:50:35 PM  

gadian: My first semester in college I was put together in a suite with a really prissy girl. She was from out of state and moved in with an entire house worth of stuff that took up both of our closets and just about every square inch of the floor. Our room had one phone jack and she got her phone into it first. So, for the rest of the semester, she wouldn't let me use the phone because it was her phone and she'd lie to people who called for me. She also had a boyfriend who attended a military college a few blocks away. They would come over and kick me out of the room. But I could never bring my boyfriend in the room because it was "unchristian" and "sinful".

I still had my boyfriend over every chance I could. And I finally made a big stink out of the phone. Somehow the RA got involved, which, I'm sure, was the highlight of his tenure. His solution was that I "be allowed" to plug my own phone into the jack and make calls. And I would continue to "be allowed" to use my phone so long as I remembered to plug hers back in.

There is so much more. fark her. I hope her ultra-christian military boyfriend got deployed too often and murder suicided them both.


seriously?

robertsaenz.infoView Full Size


/hotlinked
 
2012-02-24 03:56:50 PM  

pagstuff: gadian: My first semester in college I was put together in a suite with a really prissy girl. She was from out of state and moved in with an entire house worth of stuff that took up both of our closets and just about every square inch of the floor. Our room had one phone jack and she got her phone into it first. So, for the rest of the semester, she wouldn't let me use the phone because it was her phone and she'd lie to people who called for me. She also had a boyfriend who attended a military college a few blocks away. They would come over and kick me out of the room. But I could never bring my boyfriend in the room because it was "unchristian" and "sinful".

I still had my boyfriend over every chance I could. And I finally made a big stink out of the phone. Somehow the RA got involved, which, I'm sure, was the highlight of his tenure. His solution was that I "be allowed" to plug my own phone into the jack and make calls. And I would continue to "be allowed" to use my phone so long as I remembered to plug hers back in.

There is so much more. fark her. I hope her ultra-christian military boyfriend got deployed too often and murder suicided them both.

seriously?

[robertsaenz.info image 300x287]

/hotlinked


Threadjack!
 
2012-02-24 04:01:08 PM  

I May Be Crazy But...: glassbottomboatcaptain: I had a roommate once who *found* people who had committed suicide a little too often for comfort. He 'found' one of his oldest friends in the mans house, who had apparently died from auto erotic asphyxiation. Then a few months later he 'found' a guy who had hung himself from a tree out in the middle of nowhere. I forget the details of the third one, but again it was asphyxiation-related. Nothing beats living with the question of 'is this guy unlucky, or a serial killer?'.

Well, all the suicides could have sodomized themselves with a broom handle first, for one thing.


Or a soup ladle.
 
2012-02-24 04:26:44 PM  
I lived with a friend of mine for a couple of years that I had known from school.

Despite eating all of my food after some point when he was out of work, he typically didn't do anything too terrible (except for playing -parts- of the same songs over and over with his guitar thru a bass amp of all things right outside of my bedroom while I was trying to sleep). Most of his antics had comedic value so it was hard to stay angry about them.

There was one New Year's I had a girl over and he was angry because I was having a good time and he wasn't. It turns out that the Russian chick he had been talking to over the internet for a few weeks previous wouldn't be making it. She called him before she was supposed to fly out and asked him for money due to some BS passport excuse so she could leave the country, but he (I hope) at least had the sense to not fall for the scam in the end. Anyhow, his anger comes to a head at about 1:30am when he decides that he's had enough of his crappy cd player/stereo (we're talking bout one of those giant hunk o shiat old timey ones), and throws it over the railing of our 2nd floor balcony. Later that morning I decided it would be best to quietly deliver that thing to the dumpster lest we be kicked out.

He'd like to get drunk and/or high and be somewhat obnoxious, and one night he was especially depressed it seemed. He broke one of my wine glasses, which was no big deal, and then proceeded to hump the dining room table out onto the balcony. Its legs were never the same after that.

He liked to pee off of the balcony a good deal as well when sloshed, play music way too loud after 10pm and stomp on the floor. The dude living below us was one of the Sheriff's Patrol guys, but luckily for both of us he was both a gentleman and a scholar and just chalked it up to "boys will be boys" and politely dealt with me (the diplomat) and asked if we could keep it down. Pretty sure nowadays a good tasering would be the least of our worries.

He also told me this fun story shortly after we moved in together. He owed me a little money from the initial rent expenses, which is why I can only guess he'd make up a story this outlandish. Anyhow, one day he comes home with groceries. I think nothing of it, he might as well eat and I was in no hurry to get the money. He proceeds to comment about having to panhandle for money at a college town about 45 minutes down the road where he was working. Eventually, some "hottie" decided to give him money for gas *and* buy him groceries, with the understanding that he was going to have to pay her back some how. I really don't care how he actually got this stuff, but I found it rather humorous that he thought I would believe that some attractive woman would not only give him money to fill up his gas tank, buy him groceries and then provide a certain service, for which the traditional avenue as I understand it to be typically involves a money transaction which behaves in the opposite manner. Incredulous, I asked "did you happen to take her picture", to which he responds "that's rude, you don't ask for some girl's picture after she helps you out like that." I fear he left out some rather scary details. I just left the story at that, and even had him recant "that awesome time" at least once a month for S&Gs.
 
2012-02-24 04:42:27 PM  
I've had a couple, and I still have one.

The one I had, she's his psycho ex. She's already been baker acted once, had two abortions for his babies, and she drives everyone crazy trying to get her to love him. He won't ever love you, he's a damn sociopath. My girlfriend has to deal with her shiat

As a side note, anyone know how to get an individual evicted, without getting everyone in the apartment evicted? Difficulty:He's a jobless sociopath.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 04:46:34 PM  

Mr. Right: ritalinchild 54: Mr. Right: How about an anti-crazy roommate? When I was between wives, I had a great roommate. A fellow I met on a job, had just moved into the area and needed a place to live. I had a 4 BR house all to myself so I allowed as how he could rent a room for a nominal fee. All went well until he lost his job - he sadly informed me that he' have to move out - probably go to a homeless shelter. I was working insane hours at the time so I told him that if he'd take care of the house and lawn, he could stay there rent free until he found a job again. This guy kept the house immaculate, the lawn was manicured, gardens weed-free, he even did my laundry and ironed shirts! He was handy enough to fix any housemanship projects that needed attending to. He got up and made breakfast for me every morning before I had to go to work and, when I got home in the evening, he had a Scotch waiting for me and an appetizer while he made dinner. He wasn't the greatest cook in the world but everything he prepared was very edible. On top of that, he never got annoyed when I went out and came home with a woman - he'd even fix her breakfast if she wanted! I can't even express how disappointed I was when he found another job. Then he found a wonderful lady friend and moved in with her. They eventually married. She is smart enough to realize just how lucky she is.

You qualify as a Human Being as does the roommate.

/ I really hope this a true story.

It is completely true. He really is a great human being. When he was living "rent-free," he worked as hard as he did out of gratitude and a sense of trying to repay me for what he perceived as my overwhelming kindness. Figure it out: I was paying the mortgage whether I had a roommate or not, the utilities were the same - the only thing he cost me was some food. In return, I got a great live-in butler. Because he wasn't eligible for unemployment payments, he had absolutely no income, so I would give him gas money, he bought all the gro ...


Seriously, this is magnificent.
 
2012-02-24 04:53:44 PM  
First day, freshman year. My roomate had gotten to our 8x10, un-air conditioned room first and had put up the Limp Bizcuit poster so that it was the first thing I saw when I walked in.

The next thing I saw was the amp. The large amp. And the 5 guitars.

Roommate was out with his parents picking up some final supplies, so I unpacked and got set up.

He came in, offered me food. Told me one of the guitars was there for my use and he'd be more than willing to teach me how to play. He was a gentleman and a scholar and I never had cross words with him once. Even let me sleep way past noon on the weekends and mostly used the amp with headphones plugged in.

\pretty much all of them were like that
\\which means I'm the bad roomie
\did you know coffee can grow mold?
 
2012-02-24 05:05:19 PM  

KingOfArcadia: I got one for y'all, sadly it's 100% true. Prepare for grossination.

Guy I went to high school with called me & my roomies out of the blue, about 5 years after graduation, looking for a place to crash while passing through Ottawa on his way out west. None of us liked the dude so we hung up on him.

Six months later, and with a new crew of my homies, he calls again, in the middle of the night. The guy who picked up remembered him too, and used to be semi-friends with him, and tells him to stop on by. With that, he made himself a part of the crew.

He had really turned into a skeez by then - putting 'anything goes' ads in the local mags, hanging round the porn stores, really sketchy women. Anyways, one day I'm home from work, no one around, chilling on my couch. I notice there's a lump under one of the cushions, so I see what it is. Aha, a porn digest (more stories than pics, basically). I start into the first story and immediately wish I hadn't - it's all 'So mommy came into my room when I was doing homework, and then.... And then sis comes in and... And then dad comes in and then....'

It turns out he was on the lam from the cops back home - he had being sexually abusing a retarded boy, and had a Canada-wide warrant out for his arrest. Unfortunately, I never found that out until well after I moved back home, and as far as I know, he's still out there somewhere. If you want his name, just ask.


Isn't a Canadian retard redundant?
 
2012-02-24 05:11:56 PM  
Keep 'm coming! It's a slooooow Friday at work, and I'm getting a serious kick out of these stories.
 
2012-02-24 05:20:35 PM  
I learned one thing from this thread. People are gross. I have never had a roommate, and I never will.
 
2012-02-24 05:22:20 PM  
I was never able to afford to go to college (I had to work to support family members who were going through catastrophic illnesses), but after reading these posts, I'm not sure if it's a big deal anymore.
 
2012-02-24 05:28:19 PM  
I'll say one thing. If I never again have to behold the sight of a soon-to-be-ex-roommate screaming bloody murder & fighting with 4 cops to prevent them from enforcing the restraining order we got for her, I'll die a happy man.

/good lord was that woman berserk
//speed is bad, children
 
2012-02-24 05:34:50 PM  
I have thoroughly enjoyed this entire thread all day!!! I also have come to realize that I have never had a roommate that even approaches the "crazy meter" that most of these folks are/were on. I haven't had a roommate in over 20 years (1 ex wife does not count...she was only mildly crazy... her gorgeous looks clouded my judgment temporarily)...but the roommates I did have were all pretty righteous dudes and chicks by Fark standards.
 
2012-02-24 05:41:13 PM  

Mr. Right: In return, I got a great live-in butler. Because he wasn't eligible for unemployment payments, he had absolutely no income, so I would give him gas money, he bought all the groceries so I gave him money for that, and I gave him some spending money. After he found a job, he started trying to pay me back the spending money - which he had carefully kept track of, deducting out the cost of groceries, etc.


If I wasn't married, gainfully employed as a massage therapist and currently in debt, the idea of being a butler with a massage skill sounds extremely appealing to me.

Fortunately, it gave me an awesome idea on how to surprise my wife sometime - She's gonna have me as a massage therapist/butler for a day, just for the kicks.
 
2012-02-24 05:43:23 PM  
College:

University "personality survey" matched me with a drug dealer freshmen year who admitted he lied on his survey so he would get roomed with someone who wasnt messy and wouldnt smoke his stash. He ended up getting busted, expelled and deported during finals week which made things real fun having to go to the University Ethics board in between tests and explain my innocence.

Post-College:

Nice guy who was a friend of a friend but let his insane girlfriend stay over weekends. She was a slob and trash. Convinced him to move out because they could "save money" on their own. She ended up stealing half of my DVDs, half of my dishes/cookware, and my social security card/passport. Filed police report, found out she had quite a record, and felt lucky to still have my kidneys.
 
2012-02-24 05:46:36 PM  
Huh... my one crazy gf/roomate (who went on to stripping/escorting after our torrid relationship) is on a well known mugshot web site. Man, the years have not been good to her. Bummer.
 
2012-02-24 05:47:05 PM  

Jake Havechek: [I had a terrible roommate]


Was that recent?
 
2012-02-24 05:56:50 PM  
My craziest roommate was this gay roomie I had when I was doing an college internship for a, lets say a very, very large company. The gay thing? Totally fine with it.

The not cool thing? Having orgies every week. In the living room - to which the housing authority didn't give a fark about since it's all consensual. This prevented me from having any girls over at all. I had to stay at their apartments.

Ever since finding out that I complained to housing after I tried to talk to him about it at least 5 times, he decided I must be an homophobe and therefore, subject to his plots since to him somehow, I deserve it. It's like he took every single bad incident that ever happened to him and blamed me for it.

He threw away every single mail I ever got, he hung up on calls for me or told them that I moved out, I have no farking idea what he put on my clothes but he put something foul smelling on my clothes in my closet in my room. I started finding needles and stuff around my room and I started suspecting that he's thinking of reporting me to the housing as payback.

One day, I found all his plans written down on his laptop, he left it open clear as day on the table. I copied them and then photographed everything I owned and found. I was blown away by both his stupidity and gall.

I waited until he got home and told him promptly that if he doesn't want me to me to exercise my options of retaliation for his bullshiat, then he better cut it out quick. He was about to talk and I didn't give a fark and interrupted him - I simply told him I got enough evidence to have him arrested and charged and if that didn't stick, I definitely got enough to get him fired.

That stopped real quick - but I moved out as soon as I could before he decided to change his mind again. That took about a month since the housing authority took their time. I had to tell them that I wrote down every single requests I made and will report them to their superiors if they didn't do their job.
 
2012-02-24 06:03:58 PM  

Grables'Daughter: Nope.

I'm the crazy roommate.


Good point. Look around -- if you can't spot the crazy roomie, it's you.

I had a roommate with bipolar disorder. Had to be hauled away in a straight jacket.

Then her broke-ass boyfriend, "rasta man", showed up the next morning hoping to crash on the couch and I had to break the news to him that his girlfriend slash meal-ticket was in a mental hospital down state. I wound up making him peanut-butter sandwiches because he was hungry and crying.

Not as fun as it sounds, and you'll all agree that it doesn't sound fun at all.
 
2012-02-24 06:10:19 PM  
Reading this thread has made me count my blessings. I've lived with close to 30 different housemates over the last 8 years (mostly during university), and I've gotten along fine with basically all of them, even the filthy/weird ones. Never lived with anyone I would consider to be truly unstable, creepy or otherwise bad.

A few of them had issues with doing their dishes, but that's something that has never really bothered me that much. Sometimes I'd ignore it for a few days and then break down and clean them myself when I had nothing better to do. Other times I'd move all the dishes from the sink to the shower. That always got the message through to them.

There was one smelly housemate who wound up with like 3/4s of the dishes in the house stacked in his room because he just never bothered cleaning them. He was probably the grossest person I ever lived with, but he was out of the way in the basement and was otherwise a nice guy so it was easy to tolerate.

Also, there was that one dumbass in residence who kept leaving the suite door unlocked. Everyone finally confronted him about it when the PS2 and a bunch of bottles of liquor were stolen from the common area (it was an apartment-style residence, with 10 separate rooms and a common area that wasn't accessible from the main hall without a key - unless the door wasn't locked).

Oh, and my first and only 'true' roommate (in that I actually shared a room with him, rather than a house/suite) barfed into my laundry basket once. We had both just gotten back from a party and I was too drunk to do anything but call him a dumbass, laugh and pass out. He made up for it by doing the laundry himself though. Definitely a nice guy.

Other than that... can't really complain.
 
2012-02-24 06:11:11 PM  

Burn_The_Plows: At 19, I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment with a divorced father of two. He only had his kids every other weekend and all three slept in the living-room. He bought every issue of Cosmopolitan and hung the covers in the hallway wall to "let every woman that he brought home know that his expectations were high." (He never had a date in the two months I lived there.)

One day some friends and I were going out. We walked into the living-room to see him on top of his obese son, both only in underpants and squealing, licking his son's large breasts. Luckily for me, the end of the month was three days away and a friend let me live with him until I could find another place.


This may be the most disturbing thing I've ever read. My cursed brain went ahead and magically created pictures for me to go along with your decidely hideous tale. Thanks so much.
 
2012-02-24 06:32:01 PM  

leftteffticle: we lived on State St. in Madison, if you're familiar..


Before I even got to that part, I was thinking "Gee sounds like a few girls I met in my days in Madison...."

/lived on Gilman just a couple blocks from State Street
 
2012-02-24 06:35:01 PM  
I had a roommate once who was a coke head. I was only there for a short time (until my place became available). Would come home from work or wake up in the am to rolled up dollar bills on the table and floor, any flat surfaced item that was mobile served as a chopping block and were strewn throughout the apartment. Obviously she could rarely sit still and any conversations we had were almost inaudible do to her jaw flailing about. Did I mention she had a disabled child? I felt just awful for the kid...........once I left, I called family services. This was in early nineties and I have never had a roommate since!
 
2012-02-24 06:59:02 PM  
Um, yes?

P.S. Yes or no questions are weak.
 
2012-02-24 07:01:35 PM  
First year in college I had a suitemate who ended up being nicknamed Short biatch. 90 pounds soaking wet, and loved her some tequila. The rest of us had to crash a couple of frat parties to get her out, and she had a bad habit of throwing up and leaving it.

We probably should have been tipped off that she was a spoiled moron when she couldn't work a microwave. Puts a pile of Bagel Bites on a nice china plate, then nukes them until they are literally on fire. We'd just gotten a lecture about how sensitive the sprinklers were, but she left them, smoking, in the microwave. Her roommate and I unplugged it, took it to the window and fanned the smoke out, and then I took her plate and frisbee'd it onto the roof of the next building over.

Unfortunately, she had the only car. New Beetle, and she made me (5'10") sit in the back because she thought it was hilarious when I hit my head. Listened to gangster rap, except for one CD she made that was Outkast's "Hey Yah" 16 times in a row.

She dropped out at spring break and left half her stuff. I got a free fridge, and a single room when my roommate moved in next door. (They put their beds together and smoked a lot of weed, but they were entertaining enough that I gave no shiats about what they were doing in there.)

Spent the next three years with a new roommate, who was great except for the terrible taste in TV, and having to talk to her mother every single day. Headphones solved both problems.
 
2012-02-24 07:05:42 PM  

sweetmelissa31: IExpectAKill: I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw in the toilet the most disgusting thing I have ever seen before or since. It was a concoction of shiat, piss, used condoms, a pair of ripped panties, and a thick dark mass of blood or something on top. No toilet paper to be seen anywhere in or out of the toilet. I turned around and puked in the bathtub. Right when I was done vomiting I looked at the floor and saw droplets of liquid shiat and blood leading to the door, and just at that perfect moment when I was about to throw up again a girl who was probably not a day older than 14 came into the bathroom. She appeared drunk and she was covered in glitter and her legs were smeared with...santorum, probably.

This is officially the grossest roommate story, possibly ever.


yeah... the story not only makes me sick, but the fact that you didn't do anything about it makes it worse.
 
2012-02-24 07:14:17 PM  

Indubitably: Um, yes?

P.S. Yes or no questions are weak.


JK.

CSB, you asked: I had this roommate once, let's call him D. D was an artist, like me, earnest, like me, and supplicanty, which I liked at first, but soon like faded. D and I wrote some songs together (I play some guitar poorly when I poet sometimes) one night when we'd been drinking and goofing, and I'd been writing in my journal where I used to keep important things when things used to be important. It was a pretty sweet jam, actually. We synthesized, synergized, and created together. It was coo. Anyhoo, time passes, one day I come home from pulling shots all day and thinking, beeline to my room to write a poem in my journal to capture the momentary grasp at understanding my world, and I find my journal obviously touched by a hand not my own...

I open my book and find D's notes on the page indicating he "was there" to get the lyrics I had written down when we jammed for fear I'd steal them from him...

And publish them...

Me.

Mr. Used publishes D's lyrics in a bid to garner nothing...?

Needless to say I kicked his ass out shortly thereafter, and he nearly brought me to prison with his actions, and my subsequent near-actions. I am pleased to report I spared him. I credit my intellect.

Roommates...

;)
 
2012-02-24 07:30:05 PM  

bubba2233: sweetmelissa31: IExpectAKill: I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw in the toilet the most disgusting thing I have ever seen before or since. It was a concoction of shiat, piss, used condoms, a pair of ripped panties, and a thick dark mass of blood or something on top. No toilet paper to be seen anywhere in or out of the toilet. I turned around and puked in the bathtub. Right when I was done vomiting I looked at the floor and saw droplets of liquid shiat and blood leading to the door, and just at that perfect moment when I was about to throw up again a girl who was probably not a day older than 14 came into the bathroom. She appeared drunk and she was covered in glitter and her legs were smeared with...santorum, probably.

This is officially the grossest roommate story, possibly ever.

yeah... the story not only makes me sick, but the fact that you didn't do anything about it makes it worse.


I called the police on him that night because I was certain the girl he had over was a minor. She either turned out to be legal or he managed to convince the cops of it because he was never arrested as far as I know. The week or so following was odd but nothing else disturbing happened; I saw my roommate and the girl drive by the house once when I was on the porch but they never came back to the house together. I moved out as soon as I could find a place to live on such short notice. Aside from alerting the police and removing myself from the situation I didn't know what else to do.
 
2012-02-24 07:45:25 PM  

IExpectAKill: bubba2233: sweetmelissa31: IExpectAKill: I went upstairs to the bathroom and saw in the toilet the most disgusting thing I have ever seen before or since. It was a concoction of shiat, piss, used condoms, a pair of ripped panties, and a thick dark mass of blood or something on top. No toilet paper to be seen anywhere in or out of the toilet. I turned around and puked in the bathtub. Right when I was done vomiting I looked at the floor and saw droplets of liquid shiat and blood leading to the door, and just at that perfect moment when I was about to throw up again a girl who was probably not a day older than 14 came into the bathroom. She appeared drunk and she was covered in glitter and her legs were smeared with...santorum, probably.

This is officially the grossest roommate story, possibly ever.

yeah... the story not only makes me sick, but the fact that you didn't do anything about it makes it worse.

I called the police on him that night because I was certain the girl he had over was a minor. She either turned out to be legal or he managed to convince the cops of it because he was never arrested as far as I know. The week or so following was odd but nothing else disturbing happened; I saw my roommate and the girl drive by the house once when I was on the porch but they never came back to the house together. I moved out as soon as I could find a place to live on such short notice. Aside from alerting the police and removing myself from the situation I didn't know what else to do.


What is his address?

;)
 
2012-02-24 07:49:14 PM  

DGS: My money is on you being the serial killer that sets these up to just FARK with him.


Hey, Kutcher staged all the crime scenes, was just the straight man.


But then...it's always who you least suspect. And since I would be prone to suspect a random person on the internet the least, then that means YOU are most likely the killer.
 
2012-02-24 07:59:05 PM  

swingerofbirches: Living on campus was mandated


I'll never understand that rule. My ex and I were living on our own. We had our own apartment and paid all of our bills ourselves. And by "we" I mean "me". Anyway, she was looking at going back for more schooling and was told that she would have to live on campus for the first year. WHY? She was 26 and I was in my career making decent money. We weren't 18 year old kids fresh out of mommy's basement and broke as hell.
 
2012-02-24 08:10:28 PM  
I don't have any particularly bad ones, but there were a few oddballs in there.

Freshman year. My roommate is a senior chem major who had originally staked out the room with a friend of hers. Said friend decided to live off campus without letting roomie know of her plans. So she's a bit surprised when I show up. Roomie turns out to be extremely nice, extremely clean, quiet, studious, etc. The only weird thing was that she came from a rather sheltered home. Her mom would call and ask for her, and if she was out it would be, "Well, S--- isn't supposed to go out after dark, and she knows that and she knows that I worry..." Really nice, and ended up crashing with my parents for a week when she was looking for housing near grad school. S, you're too good of a person to read Fark, but I'm so sorry for the crazy boys I dated. I tried to keep them out of the house for your sake though.

Sophomore year. I decide that it might be good to find a roommate with a lifestyle somewhat more similar to mine. I like heavy metal and making out with people. Hooray. So I find H. She and I know some of the same people, and I don't really know her well, but she seems like she'll put up with some of my shiat. Cool. So we move in. Turns out H is weird. She walks around naked a lot. Not a bad thing at first, but eventually it's just boring. She's a ROTC creative writing major and spends about 5 hours per day watching CSI variants. This is a bit less awesome to me because I don't really like hearing about all the different ways that people can do terrible things to each other, but I would have tolerated it were it not for the mess. It doesn't rival what's been posted here, but I came home from clubbing one night late, walked to bed in the dark, and as I was getting into bed her dirty underwear stuck to my bare foot. I moved the next semester.
 
2012-02-24 08:25:02 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: swingerofbirches: Living on campus was mandated

I'll never understand that rule. My ex and I were living on our own. We had our own apartment and paid all of our bills ourselves. And by "we" I mean "me". Anyway, she was looking at going back for more schooling and was told that she would have to live on campus for the first year. WHY? She was 26 and I was in my career making decent money. We weren't 18 year old kids fresh out of mommy's basement and broke as hell.


I know that some schools state that living on campus was mandated UNLESS you had already arranged living nearby.

Translation - If you live with your folks you don't have to stay on campus your first year. If you stay with your spouse, you don't have to stay on campus.

That one actually makes more sense than just mandatory you have to stay on campus.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-02-24 08:30:36 PM  

glassbottomboatcaptain: DGS: My money is on you being the serial killer that sets these up to just FARK with him.

Hey, Kutcher staged all the crime scenes, was just the straight man.


But then...it's always who you least suspect. And since I would be prone to suspect a random person on the internet the least, then that means YOU are most likely the killer.


Frame job!

/wasnt't me, it was the one armed man!
 
2012-02-24 08:33:59 PM  
Had one roommate who was an alcoholic. He was in college. He'd get up in the morning and go to school all day and come home around 10 at night and slam a 12 pack in about 90 mins.
Passed out on my couch, pissed his pants. Twice.
He destroyed two of my coffee makers by filling them up and forgetting to put the pot on.
Got up in the morning and there was hot coffee all over the counter and the floor.
He used to make beans in a crockpot and eat them all week. Just beans and beer...
He would flush his dental floss down the toilet. Clogged it so bad they had to pull up the commode.
But he was a hell of a guitar player!

Another roommate used whack it off the side of his bed all over the wall.
And other roommate used to frequent the titty bars and bring home the waitresses.
Skeezy, nasty waitresses...

Only a few stories of many that are safe to tell...
 
2012-02-24 08:39:55 PM  
I once had a female roomate that offered to have sex with me in exchange for her share of the rent.
I declined. (If you saw her you'd understand)
Instead, she intercepted my tax return, forged my signature on the check and paid me with that.

She made money by giving "massages" to old men and selling her meds.

She also stuck me with a $300 phone bill from accepting collect calls from her ex-husband in jail.

I hear she's quite ill now and I'm glad.

Hi Mary!
BTW: I screwed Lourdez......twice.
 
2012-02-24 08:58:09 PM  
All four of us were the "Crazy Roommate".

All four of us had drug problems, 3 of us went to college part time off and on, the other one lived on SSI for mental problems and fronted a punk rock band that practiced at the house.

The parties were legendary, most involved nudity, one featured an exploding ashtray, and then there was me.

We lived across the street form a church and I made sure that every Sunday morning I would walk out to the end of the driveway naked to get the news paper. I heard years later from a member of the church that they were having meetings about what to do about "The Naked Guy" but we were kicked out before the cops got called.

I'm surprised that all of us survived the year (now twenty years later two of us are dead, one of an OD one of a motorcycle accident that wasn't his fault) but the stories that I can tell make the entire sordid experience worth the pain and discomfort that I lived through.
 
2012-02-24 09:14:56 PM  
I rented a room in this one big house that looked like something out of the Munsters. We called it, "Polish Manor" because the woman that owned it was Polish and when I say Polish.... to the core. Was nice enough though. I was the only guy in a house with 4 women, none of them worth farking. My room was the entire attic and there was a bizarre collection of old shiat up there that was disturbing in the right light and when I was farked up. One of them I became friends with. We'd spend the weekends sitting on the couch watching t.v. with the sound off and listening to the stereo (early 70s stuff.. Moody Blues, Led Zep... along those lines. We were total zombies Friday through Sunday.

The owner had a little dog... one of those hyper dogs that she never quite house trained right. Being in a house full of women, there was always one of them on their period to which that little dog would make it's way into the bathroom garbage, drag out some used sanitary napkins into the living room and shake the living shiat out of them as if they were some kind of small critter it killed. It would proudly parade around the room with it in his mouth holding his head up high.

All in all it was a fun place to live. Never a dull moment and it was like living "Fark dot com". Have no clue how I managed to make it through those first few years of college living there before moving on to another place where my room mate's girlfriends somehow ended up in my bed.... 2 different girls, 2 different times.... Allen found out, was pissed and moved out.
 
2012-02-24 09:33:49 PM  

Tanukis_Parachute: i hear 'damnit -insert name here-, not again. can't you last more than 37 seconds'. they broke up not too long after. she was psycho in other ways but i still chuckle at the way she said it.


I should hook him up with my crazy ex. She has to be the only person I've ever heard of who has the opposite problem: I couldn't get off fast enough for her. Not I'm not calming I'm some kind of porn-star, last for 2 days stud. Far, far from it. However it takes a little bit for the train to reach the station, like more than a minute. I don't think I'm that strange in this.

So first time she is giving me head I'm a happy camper. A good day just turned in to a great one... Then seriously about a minute and a half later, she is biatching at me because I'm "not trying." Not trying? For serious? I would think I would get a "minute man" joke for going off that fast. Should have been a clue she was crazy, but it took about another week to figure it out.

However maybe she and that dude would do well together :D.
 
2012-02-24 09:41:53 PM  

sycraft: Tanukis_Parachute: i hear 'damnit -insert name here-, not again. can't you last more than 37 seconds'. they broke up not too long after. she was psycho in other ways but i still chuckle at the way she said it.

I should hook him up with my crazy ex. She has to be the only person I've ever heard of who has the opposite problem: I couldn't get off fast enough for her. Not I'm not calming I'm some kind of porn-star, last for 2 days stud. Far, far from it. However it takes a little bit for the train to reach the station, like more than a minute. I don't think I'm that strange in this.

So first time she is giving me head I'm a happy camper. A good day just turned in to a great one... Then seriously about a minute and a half later, she is biatching at me because I'm "not trying." Not trying? For serious? I would think I would get a "minute man" joke for going off that fast. Should have been a clue she was crazy, but it took about another week to figure it out.

However maybe she and that dude would do well together :D.


CSB continued: one time, while we were driving across country, and she was blowing me, she cried.

I still feel bad I couldn't come in a timely manner...

Shoot.

;)

P.S. Was that the end of that marriage, maybe?
 
2012-02-24 09:48:29 PM  

Bruxellensis: Jake Havechek: [I had a terrible roommate]

Was that recent?


No. More than 10 years gone.

the horror....
 
2012-02-24 10:44:54 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: I'll never understand that rule.


It is because they built too many dorms and they suck and nobody wants to live there. So they force it on students as to not lose money. Just evidence of bad planning/shiatty living situation. The university I work at has the opposite problem. Too many students want to live on campus. Used to be if you got your application for on campus housing in by a certain date, they guaranteed you a spot. However they ended up with too many people and had to resort to shiat like renting out most of a hotel for part of a year and buying up some apartment complexes. Now it is first come, first served, if there's no space fark you go rent something.

Indubitably: P.S. Was that the end of that marriage, maybe?


Marriage? No son, this got nowhere near marriage. I dated her for all of two weeks. Her crazy was way, WAY more than I was capable of dealing with. The wanting a minute man thing was just an amusing anecdote related to the other guy's story. It was more the "being insanely jealous and controlling" and "thinking we were going to be together forever after a week and a half" that lead me to the conclusion she was way too crazy for me to handle.
 
2012-02-24 11:37:23 PM  
all i could find was the abstract.

http://pqasb.pqarchiver.com/coloradoan/access/1753653031.html?FMT=ABS & FMTS=ABS:FT&date=Oct+21%2C+2006&author=&pub=Fort+Collins+Coloradoan&ed ition=&startpage=A.1&desc=Alleged+drug+supply+chain+busted

otherwise, guy had a brilliant mugshot to go with this rap sheet.
 
2012-02-25 12:20:46 AM  
good lord.

these stories are why I'm glad I've never had a roommate.
 
2012-02-25 01:09:34 AM  
I was 25. He was 40.

The first month after I moved in, he shows up at my work to ask how long the power has been off; apparently, he was out of town for a week. I tell him it was on when I left in the morning and ask if he knows why it's off now.

"Because I didn't pay the bill!" he exclaims, as though I should have known.

A few months later, I came home from a business trip to find that all of his clothes, his guitar and his $80/stem wine glasses are all gone. His furniture, bed, toiletries, groceries and everything else are still there.

I get a letter a few days later saying he decided to move back home to Ireland because our country and the economy sucks after 9/11. He also tells me not to worry about his breaking the lease and to "fight the apartment management, because it's all their fault".
 
2012-02-25 03:09:32 AM  
First place I rented from someone as a room mate was...interesting.

First off the place was a mess. Dust bunnies everywhere, pennies thrown everywhere (he apparently had a habit of flipping them around), beer bottles left on the coffee table, soot all over the wall around the fireplace and so on. This should have been a red flag for me but I was too focused on getting out of my parents house that I didn't think anything of it beyond that it needed some cleaning. Translation:a lot.

Week I moved in I worked with one of his friends to clean up the huge pile of garbage in the backyard and clean up the branches of the redwood trees there. Eventually he and another housemate planted th