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(Fark)   Farker PlumsDeify ran into a female acquaintance at the video store while he was renting porn, how should he redeem himself? (Voting enabled)   ( divider line
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6565 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Oct 2003 at 4:05 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

279 Comments     (+0 »)
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2003-10-07 04:12:18 PM  
with all the pr0n on the internet you went to a video store to rent it??
2003-10-07 04:12:24 PM  
If it really bothers you, get DSL and Kazaa and you'll never have to run into this situation again. Duh!
2003-10-07 04:12:32 PM  
Who said porn is not the devil's fruitcake?

"The Devil's Fruitcake" was the best porn I've ever seen.

Especially the circus bukakke scene in vol. 37. What they can do with velcro these days...
2003-10-07 04:12:32 PM  
if she is *innocent* which i think is the case, invite her over so that you can cook for her and watch a chick flick (i know its going to hurt)... then work your way up to asking her if she wants to watch porno...

(i went to college down the way from an all girl's school... you might not believe it, but like 20% of women out there LIKE watching porn with a guy) god bless Russel Sage :)
2003-10-07 04:12:36 PM  
Don't sweat it! Don't mention the previous run in, just call her up for next weekend, and ask her if she would like to come over for pizza and an "art film". If she agrees, youre all good. If not, well, you still got porn and a pizza...
2003-10-07 04:12:45 PM  
Why buy or rent when you have broadband and Kazaa?
2003-10-07 04:13:05 PM  
SamHandwich- The funny thing is that the spanish word for lips is Labio.
2003-10-07 04:13:25 PM  
It's not a porn, it's an instructional video. *wink wink nudge nudge*
2003-10-07 04:13:33 PM  
1. If she's the type to be offended by porn, never speak to her again. Uptight, repressed girls aren't the kind you want to make a habit of associating with, lest you accidentally fark up and marry one. Nothing worse than ending up with a frigid biatch for the next 40 years, give or take a decade.

2. If she's the type to be intrigued by porn, make light of it. "I'm doing research for my screen test next week" or something equally droll. Gauge her interest at the same time.

3. If she's the type to be into it, use the phrase, "Y'know what's better than watching one? MAKING one."

4. In case of scenario 3, buy a trophy for Chastain86 immediately.
2003-10-07 04:13:33 PM  
2003-10-07 04:13:51 PM  
Forrest Hump??? Ooops, I thought I was renting Forrest GUMP!!!
2003-10-07 04:13:59 PM  
Research study for a thesis titled, "Commercial Utilization of Nude Teens."

I'm sure there's an acronym in there somewhere.
2003-10-07 04:14:07 PM  
Kill her.
2003-10-07 04:14:22 PM  
Just say, "Oh, this? I'm just renting it for those underage kids outside."
2003-10-07 04:14:36 PM  
Tell her to subscribe to Total Fark for only $5 a month. Thats just pennies an hour!
2003-10-07 04:14:44 PM  
Say it was only after you got home that you noticed it said "Edward Penishands" instead of "Edward Scissorhands".

Or just cry yourself to sleep. Your call.
2003-10-07 04:14:54 PM  
Tell her youre parents sent you to the store for beer, cigarettes and porn. But said you could keep the change.
2003-10-07 04:14:56 PM  
Are you trying to hook up w/ her? If so, take any advice above. If not, no harm no foul.
2003-10-07 04:15:21 PM  
He should do 2 things.
1. Go buy a large dildo
2. Apologize to her and hand her the dong.
That way if she doesn't accept the apology she can go fark herself.
2003-10-07 04:15:30 PM  
Just tell her you're renting it for your kids. Either that or ask her where the really hardcore hosed up animal porn is. If she laughs, you're in, otherwise you've got some explaining to do. Unless that's what you were renting in the first place, then you're a wierdo.
2003-10-07 04:15:39 PM  
Start (continue?) to stalk her.
2003-10-07 04:16:14 PM  
If she gives you any flack tell her that as a US citizen it is granted by the US Constitution that you have the inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness. Therefore your said right is to masturbate to midget interracial porn. If she doesn't like it, she should get the fark out!!

Then call her a fascist/commie/terrorist as the situation merits.

/always works for me
2003-10-07 04:16:21 PM  
If he wants a date, he should play it off, ask her if she knows any nice women to see, as he is "tired" of renting movies and staying in. He may get sympathy sex or unleash his friend's freaky side. Write back with stories dude.
2003-10-07 04:16:26 PM  
Just tell her to come by and you'll show her some new techniques that you learned.
2003-10-07 04:16:32 PM  
"Well if you'd fark me, I'd not have to fap all night long" used to work for me. Now I'm married and just download pr0n from the net.
2003-10-07 04:16:44 PM  
Just slip her the tube steak or invite her over for some pole smoking. If the video was "Face Sitting 3" you can't lose!
2003-10-07 04:16:49 PM  
just tell her you got put on porn duty for some guy's stag party and your pissed about it and ask her if she has any suggesttions
2003-10-07 04:16:53 PM  
Props to flickinator! I was a minute too late. ;)
2003-10-07 04:17:12 PM  
1. Invite her to watch it with you.
2. Put your hands on various parts of her body.
3. Take off her clothes
4. Fark the shiat out of her and try stuff you saw on the porn.

2003-10-07 04:17:13 PM  
A recent article summed it up best when the writer said, "I've always treated pornography ... and chocolate the same way: Never buy it yourself, but don't turn it down when offered."

So, don't pay for porn unless you're going to buy her chocolate as well.

mmmm... chocolate...
2003-10-07 04:17:18 PM  
Rent porn? you mean people actually pay for this stuff?

/goes back to kazaa
2003-10-07 04:17:30 PM  
Its not the fact that you were renting porn that probably scared was the fact you were doing it "ALONE". Hope you had that big bottle of jergins hidden well.
2003-10-07 04:17:39 PM  
Tell her you know Randy Savage and you'll show her your Slim Jim. OOOOOOOhhh Yeah!
2003-10-07 04:17:47 PM  
The important question is what porn did he rent?
If it was a classy flick with a nice title like "Blue Passion, Tokyo Nights" then it's totally acceptable to laughingly invite her over to watch. When two humans of the opposite sex watch porn they invariably start fornicating themselves. Monkey see, monkey do.

Now if he was renting "Cum Gargling Teenage Gutter Sluts Part 9" he's SOL.
2003-10-07 04:17:51 PM  
There is no thing greater - or worse - than female word of mouth.. If you are single and you care, she will tell this story of you and the porno to all her friends (including hot ones) and they will respond "What a freak!"..

Likewise, if you can impress or keep on good terms with other women (married, boyfriended or otherwise) - the chances of them saying good things about you to thier friends (including hot ones) is key..
2003-10-07 04:18:08 PM  
Say to her, "Look, over there, it's Jimmy Hoffa !" Then when she looks away, toss the tape and run out the front door.
2003-10-07 04:18:36 PM  
Say that fapping is necessary to avoid the messy complications of wet dreams. Then change the subject to her self-pleasure habits. That'd be so hot.
2003-10-07 04:18:41 PM  
1. Invite her and her friends over
2. Ply them with booze
3. Make own pron
4. Profit

/what? It's been done already? WTF?
2003-10-07 04:18:44 PM  
Ask her if she has seen it before and what did she think of it....
2003-10-07 04:18:49 PM  
she wasn't gonna sleep with you before, not like this hurt your non-existent chances of getting any...
2003-10-07 04:19:22 PM  
Just ask her if you can put it in her rear and splooge on her face.

Also run real fast if that doesn't work.
2003-10-07 04:19:47 PM  
That is classic. Girl walks up to you in the vid store and you've got some hardcore porno in hand! Sweet!

I agree with everyone else who said it. Who rents porn anymore? I've got all I need on the net and its free. Who wants to handle some tape/dvd that some dude had in his hand right after he was whackin' off? If you put a UV light on that tape it would glow with DNA.

I'll take internet pr0n anyday.
2003-10-07 04:19:58 PM  
Next time you see her, look her straight in the eye and say "make me a sammich biatch!"
2003-10-07 04:19:59 PM  
Hell, she was probably going to do the same thing. Watching pr0n is no big deal. Renting it when it's free on the internet is something to think about, however.

Everyone likes sex, everyone masterbates and everyone shiats when they have to.

God, I hate America's guilt culture.
2003-10-07 04:20:12 PM  
Just when I thought Fark couldn't get any sillier, here they go posting some dude's asinine insecurities.
2003-10-07 04:20:18 PM  
As a girl - I don't think you need to make it up to her... unless you've misled her to think you're not the kind of person who would watch porn (and she believed this). If that's the case I think there's not much you can do - if she's offended by you renting porn she'd be offended by you trying to explain away the porn.

Personally - if I saw a male friend (or even romantic interest) renting porn, I wouldn't think much of it. He'd get harassed (in a good natured kind of way) at some point in the future but nothing more.
2003-10-07 04:20:30 PM  
just tell her you are in the movie and wait for a response
2003-10-07 04:20:51 PM  
Ask is she wants to watch
2003-10-07 04:21:15 PM  
uh yeah. he might not have been at a porn store. he could have been at a videostore with a back room, and when he was walking out front to pay, thats when he could have been caught. so inviting her to his place would be most fubar. and it says acquaintance, not friend. so extra fubar. and like everyone else is saying, buy not rent, and pick out titles like, "saving ryans privates" "free your willy" and "forrest hump" that way you can act baffled, and then start yelling at the clerk. make sure afterwards you leave him a $10 tip.
2003-10-07 04:21:15 PM  
tell her if her and her friends would be kind enough to come over and suck the skin off your pole, you would not have to rent porn and yank the wank.
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