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(Chick)   Little known facts: Satan wears a pumpkin on his head and sacrifies cats, also he's bulletproof   ( chick.com) divider line
    More: Asinine  
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5465 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Nov 2001 at 12:00 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

145 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-11-04 12:04:03 AM  
Basil Bub
2001-11-04 12:08:46 AM  
"Satan wears a pumpkin on his head and sacrifies cats, also he's bulletproof", sounds like me with a bulletproof vest on. (please delete my old message and this text, mods... another vote for an edit function....)
2001-11-04 12:08:52 AM  
Yeah... I think Jack ole boy needs take a few more Prozac and go to bed. I wonder why I am surprised everytime I see the gross mis-information that farker spreads. You would think I would be used to it by now.
2001-11-04 12:13:18 AM  
2001-11-04 12:14:05 AM  
Chick: "Halloween started in the British isles with the Druids. Those guys were really spooky.

Spinal Tap: "Nobody knows who they were, or what they were doin'."

2001-11-04 12:15:14 AM  
Man oh man, good 'ol chick outdoes himself again.
2001-11-04 12:17:59 AM  
Didn't the Headless Horseman use a pumpkin for a head?
2001-11-04 12:19:21 AM  
Whatta dickass. Doesn't he realise there is no god?
2001-11-04 12:24:33 AM  
Classic Chic.
2001-11-04 12:25:27 AM  
Reminds me of a joke...

Q< What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do?

A< He lies awake at night wondering if there really is a "Dog".

There was something in there to offend just about everybody. ;)
2001-11-04 12:26:40 AM  
So, the guy is on the mountain looking down at the helpless village and he says "May the saints preserve them". Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't saints a catholic thing?
And aren't catholics almost as bad as the spooky druids?
2001-11-04 12:30:52 AM  
is this guy for real, or is this satire? i certainly hope it's the latter.
2001-11-04 12:35:06 AM  
I Got a posted artice and here I thought drew hated me. Thanks drew for re-instilling my hope in beer and boobies.
2001-11-04 12:35:21 AM  
No suck luck Dachande, Chick is very much real.
2001-11-04 12:43:35 AM  
What's all this about a third of the angels getting kicked out of heaven? Isn't that from Catholic dogma? Is Chick rippin' off their presumably copyrighted (and therefore actionable) texts?
2001-11-04 12:43:44 AM  
I got a Chick tract while trick-or-treating. I don't know how to find specific tracts on the website, but it's the one from Halloween 1996. Worse that getting pennies.
2001-11-04 12:47:48 AM  
To satanists and witches, Halloween is no joke. It's there most solemn ceremony of the year.

Now, I'm not a satanist, nor am I a witch (I guess I would be a warlock, actually), but I really doubt that this is true.
2001-11-04 12:48:19 AM  
I'm tempted to distribute THIS comic instead. Featuring THOUSAND JESUS FIST and the Anti-Christ Pope!

2001-11-04 12:48:48 AM  
D'oh, I spelled "there" should be "their" in the above.
2001-11-04 12:52:01 AM  
I love the last line from the damned soul at the end."You rat!" shaking his fist,boy thats gotta hurt satan's feelings.
2001-11-04 12:52:52 AM  
You'd Satan had better things to do than run around in the mountains and chase people with a chain saw. Doesn't he know how to delegate?
2001-11-04 12:53:21 AM  
[image from elevatedstudios.com too old to be available]
2001-11-04 12:53:28 AM  

Dogma ridden drivel at its best... Chick should sign up to be bin Laden's PR guy, he's got the narrow-mindedness and the whining down pat.

2001-11-04 12:54:32 AM  
i don't know much about druid history, but, i don't seem to remember a whole lot of sacrifices on halloween. weren't sweet foods left on the doors of houses so the demons would take them instead of the people, and costumes were worn so the evil spirits wouldn't recognize them?

if I didn't hate Chick so much, i'd feel sorry for the poor demented fool.
2001-11-04 12:57:09 AM  
Heehee you know, i have to say, Chick has outdone himself on this one and i have to thank/laugh at him for using the word "Spooky", God i love that word (I is a Jhonen Vasquez fan).

Heehee "You Rat!"
2001-11-04 01:00:57 AM  
Welcome to the Laughing Place!

Heh heh heh!
2001-11-04 01:01:34 AM  
I like the part that Satan doesn't want you to read. I didn't know Satan had a list of things he didn't want us to read.
2001-11-04 01:02:00 AM  
I didn't know a full third of the angels joined up with satan. Wow, maybe this satan guy has something going, I should look into his little club there.
2001-11-04 01:04:41 AM  
Either A: Jack Chick just aint tryin anymore
Or B: He is having WAY too much fun with this. I mean that cat looked a lil too comical. "@!!**.. I forgot My Chainsaw!"

This pic says it all. I mean look at that mellon on his shoulders! Chick is having way too much fun with this!
2001-11-04 01:06:47 AM  
Oh. My. Gawd.
Chick has WAY WAY WAY too much free time on his hands. Well, his one free hand, anyway. He needs to get out more, and stop making sh*t up in his basement and publishing it. I am appalled by this guy presenting COMPLETE FICTION as factual information.

BY THE WAY, no, the Druids did NOT sacrifice people on Samhain. Samhain is an ancient Celtic holiday, and is a night to honor the ancestors, to celebrate their lives, and to toast their memories.

If you want to know more about Samhain or Druids, go to Google and start surfing.
2001-11-04 01:13:44 AM  
Oh yeah. I forgot to add that the reason witches run from people preaching about Jay-zus is because they're tired of hearing their shiat. That's just good thinking.
2001-11-04 01:15:55 AM  
I stole a bible from a motel and burned it. Satisfaction! I told Jehova's Witnesses to fark off! Satisfaction! AND THEN I KILLED GOD!

Jack Chick would be amusing if -nobody- stomached his bullshiat.
2001-11-04 01:16:55 AM  
That one was particularly bad. They're all bad, but jeez. Does he really think that Satan actually, physically, mass murders people with a chain-saw?

I agree with Torquemada, I'd think Satan would know how to delegate something like this.
2001-11-04 01:17:00 AM  
Sheesh, now I've done everything. I got so bored, i actually surfed Fark using Lynx off my Unix shell. Geez, text based browsers suck hard.
2001-11-04 01:18:19 AM  
He also keeps a snake on a leash:

[image from chick.com too old to be available]
2001-11-04 01:26:38 AM  
Well, Jack chick has stolen me away from the darkside. No longer shall I read my beloved JtHM comics. From now on its nothing but jack chick comics and the bible for me.
Lick some strange combo of a bad slasher movie, an archie comic and all the dogmatic crap in the world.
2001-11-04 01:29:30 AM  
With a cute little bow on the collar - Satan can just be so sweet sometimes. Also notice how he's holding onto the tree - probably to keep from toppling over. That gourd's got to make him a bit top-heavy.
2001-11-04 01:31:46 AM  
I thought I was done. But apparantly not.

The Druid is holding an Ankh, which is an Egyptial symbol.

Chick could at LEAST not make totally obvious mistakes. I think he had a few glasses of "communion wine" one night, and watched "Carrie", then sat down and wrote this.

There. I think I'm done now. Maybe.
2001-11-04 01:34:10 AM  

I am too disgusted by Chick to even spell right.
2001-11-04 01:41:06 AM  
Has anyone contacted jack chick about fark and how much were roasting his ass? I seriously thing we should have either drew or one of us contact him and see what we think of him in general with what we got to sat about his tracks.....
2001-11-04 01:42:05 AM  
Did anyone notice that the policemen are from Olde England?

"Run... TIS the Devil himself!"
2001-11-04 01:52:33 AM  
Maybe Fark will appear in one of his comics:

[image from jraxis.com too old to be available]
2001-11-04 01:53:03 AM  
Actually, if you guys REALLY want to know...Satan (formerly Lucifer) rebelled against God, and a third of the angels sided with him and became demons. So demons are fallen angels. It's not Catholic dogma (they don't generally believe in the Bible anyhow). It's in Isaiah.

Regardless of what Chick has to say, I don't observe Halloween because it's not a Christian holiday. Same reason why I don't observe Christmas or Easter. Chick has nothing to do with my decision btw. He does have the right idea--sometimes--but he DOES go overboard and he's off base lots of times.

I've read a lot of history and everything. You'd be surprised what you find--after all history is written by the victors and it's not often you get the other side of the story.
2001-11-04 01:54:36 AM  
The devil, after being pelted with bullets, gives his HAW HAW as an afterthought in parenthesis..

(haw haw)

I thought that was pretty funny.

J.C. Needs some mental floss....or a LOVE LETTER from Frank Booth....
2001-11-04 01:55:50 AM  
GoblinKing- You know what the result would be though, right? Chick would proclaim Fark as the cyber-region of the devil.
But if we're lucky, maybe he would do a pamphlet about us!!!
2001-11-04 01:57:31 AM  

--L33T H4X0R 54T4N
2001-11-04 01:59:42 AM  
[image from chick.com too old to be available]

See what I mean?

My first real html! Yay!
2001-11-04 02:04:29 AM  
Do sheriffs really say "'tis"?
2001-11-04 02:06:21 AM  
fat ol' southern sheriff, using the word "'tis"? makes you wonder if he has any idea what anything in the entire world is really like. drugs, D&D, halloween celebrations, pagan religions, speech patterns, the bible, he doesn't know squat about any of them.
2001-11-04 02:11:25 AM  
Yup...as I said no way Chick was ever a high priest.

Druid holding an anhk...yeah right... and Alexa, Halloween is not a Christian holiday (People do not go to church the day of Halloween, they go to services/mass/what have you) the day after. Technically, it's the day after Halloween/Samhain that is a holy day (All Saint's Day -- acccording to Catholic dogma).

The Christians co-opted many pagan holidays in order to endear themselves to Pagans...

(But I don't wanna miss the mead and ale on Beltane! Okay, okay, but instead of calling it Beltane, from now on it's May day. Or I want to have a big party on winter solistice/Saturnalia! Okay, former-Pagan, you can celebrate it as long as you call it Christmas) And so on...
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