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(WWDN)   Wil Wheaton beer joke. Coors and Miller surrender   ( divider line
    More: Wheaton  
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16692 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Sep 2003 at 9:46 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

157 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-09-27 09:43:31 AM  
very old joke....but i did have 5 guiness with dinner last nite
2003-09-27 09:50:37 AM  
Wow! This gets posted to the main page?
2003-09-27 09:52:51 AM  
*yawn* Mods hungover this morning?
2003-09-27 09:56:06 AM  
Yippee! It's the first phase of a Fark attack on Wil's website!

Let's all spend Wil's bandwidth money. That'll teach 'em.

2003-09-27 09:56:11 AM  
That joke goes great with my free Guinness keychain bottle opener.

/bring back freebee day
2003-09-27 09:57:26 AM  
That's nothing. Here's my favorite joke.

Q: What did Ray Charles say when they gave him a cheese grater?
A: "This is the most violent book I have ever read!"
2003-09-27 09:59:10 AM  
thank you, i'll be here all week

/kicks self for reading the joke
2003-09-27 09:59:45 AM  
It is funny because its true.
2003-09-27 10:01:23 AM  
I think wil had been wearing his VR goggles too much
2003-09-27 10:08:41 AM  
I heard that a while ago, instead of Guinness they had Molsens, and each president of the company would spout off their advertising slogan... "I'll have the beer brewed from the streams of the rocky mountains, beername" etc...
2003-09-27 10:09:02 AM  
Nice to see this crap gets posted but my most recent Walken post was condemned to oblivion. Guess I need to get Total Fark and let the mods totally fark me if I want to get posted. MMMMMMMM.....nepotism.
2003-09-27 10:09:12 AM  
will wheaton needs some photoshop color correction or else he is eating way too many beets.
2003-09-27 10:09:45 AM  
I don't get it???
2003-09-27 10:13:00 AM  
Wil knows he needs to come back from a weak blogging summer.

In our hearts we root for you dude, and we UNDERSTAND, but self-promotion is precisely what we hate about the web AND what we hate about Hollywood.

For whatever reason, we are incredibly intrigued by the story of your life, but we prefer when you actually tell it. Why hide stuff? Put it out there. What have you got to lose?
2003-09-27 10:17:34 AM  
jeroendehaan in the US, the beers Coors, Miller, and Bud are known as pisswater. Guinness is real beer. I sincerely hope this starts a beer flamewar that I'll have nothing to do with.
2003-09-27 10:19:39 AM  
It is funny because it's true.
2003-09-27 10:21:48 AM  
"Walks into a bar" Joke #01:

So a grasshopper walks into a bar and jumps up on a stool. The bartender comes over and says "Hey, you know we have a drink named after you". And the grasshopper says "You have a drink named Ernie?"


"Walks into a bar" Joke #02:

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt outta here!" The man replies "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog". The bartender is very flustered, and gives the man a beer on the house as way of an apology.

So later that day this guy is telling his friend about it - "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!". And the friend takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says "The sign says no dogs allowed! Get out with that thing!" The friend says "I can't read the sign, I'm blind and this is my seeing eye dog." Bartender replies "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says "They gave me a Chihuahua?!!?!"

2003-09-27 10:23:28 AM  
I met Will at a Star Trek art gallery promotional thingee down in SoCal. Seems like a nice kid.

Fark on-
2003-09-27 10:27:02 AM  
that Wil Wheaton link didnt work for me
Either IE or Mozilla

I tried,,, also , no farking good
2003-09-27 10:31:57 AM  
theskinnypimp (and all), having any concern whatsoever if a link gets posted is a waste of time.
2003-09-27 10:32:50 AM  
Wow. They got rid of THAT one quickly.
2003-09-27 10:34:54 AM  

Let me guess, you have cogeco, rogers, or @home as ISP?

Didn't know you couldn't access all of the web did ya?

2003-09-27 10:37:38 AM  

people still dont know eh?
2003-09-27 10:40:21 AM  
Bin_jammin :

guinness in america was real beer in the 1970s.

sorry you were born too late.
2003-09-27 10:42:57 AM  
I always get Forbidden You don't have permission to access to this document on this server. error
Can any of you tech savy farkers help a brotha out.
It's only Wills site I can't access. (mabey my computer just has good taste?)
2003-09-27 10:45:41 AM  
Phew, and I thought this was going to be a stupid and trival subject.
2003-09-27 10:48:05 AM  
Trust your computer. Wil has been reading Joe Conason. No good can come of that.
2003-09-27 10:48:52 AM  
Okay... another classic:

an Englishman, Scottsman and Irishman are sitting in a pub together and each orders a Guinness. After waiting the requisite time for the proper pouring, the three Guinnesses arrive at their table.
Just then, three flies that came in with the Frenchman at the next table simultaneously take a dive, separately into each man's drink. The trio are taken aback for a second but regain their composure.
The Englishman waves to the bar maiden and asks for a fresh pint.
The Scottsman plucks the fly from his Guinness and he continues drinking.
But the Irishman grabs the fly, holds it above his drink and shouts "SPIT IT OUT YA BASTARD! SPIT IT OUT!"
2003-09-27 10:55:37 AM  
Why didn't Helen Keller scream when she fell off a cliff?
She was wearing mittens!

/to Hell.
2003-09-27 11:00:24 AM  
A small, white duck goes into a bar, jumps on the barstool, orders a shot of booze and says to the bartender "listen, I'm a bricklayer on the construction site nearby. The works will last for some time and I'll be coming here every day around lunchtime for a shot of booze, so think about some discount or something". The duck drinks the shot, jumps off the stool and goes out.

The bartender is shocked, he's never seen a talking duck before, so he calls his friend who owns a circus: "listen, there's a talking duck coming to my bar, come tomorrow around lunchtime and see for yourself'. So the next day the circus owner waits in the bar and the duck goes in, jumps on the barstool and orders a shot of booze. The circus manager overcomes his awe and says: "Hello sir, I'm a circus owner and I wan't to offer you a job. I can give you whatever money you want, plus a company car, a cell phone, best hotels, best women, whatever you want". The duck considers his offer for a moment and says "so you're a circus owner, right?"

"Right" "And your circus is one of those big tents, right?" "Right." "With a sandy arena in the middle?" "Yes" "And with rows of seats around?" "Correct" "So what the fark you need a bricklayer for???"

2003-09-27 11:07:46 AM  
That was funny.

Not funny 'haha', but funny like "that smells funny"

/wil, I still like ya, though
2003-09-27 11:08:36 AM  
Hmm, Wheaton says the joke was sent in by "Leilani."

[image from too old to be available]
2003-09-27 11:09:17 AM  
Kevbo: Ah think ye got the Irishman an' the Scotsman mixed oop there, laddie...
2003-09-27 11:17:56 AM  
what a joke
2003-09-27 11:21:17 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-09-27 11:22:33 AM  
"Walks into a bar" Joke #03:

A man walks into a bar he's never been in before. He sees a horse in the corner of the building, and a bucket full of money next to him. He orders a beer and asks the bartender about the horse. "It's a sort of game we have - you put five dollars in the bucket and you try to make the horse laugh. If you do, you get the bucket of money."

So the man finishes his beer, walks over to the horse and drops a fiver in the bucket. He whispers something in the horse's ear, and the horse is just about rolling on the floor laughing. Man takes the bucket o' cash and leaves.

Next week, same man, same bar, same horse - except the bartender says the rules have changed: in order to score the cash you have to make the horse cry. So our man finishes his beer, walks over to the horse, drops a five in the bucket, and soon after the equine is bawling it's eyes out. The man grabs the bucket and starts to leave, but the bartender stops him and asks "So how did you do it?"

The man replies "Last week I told him I was hung better than he was, this week I showed him."

2003-09-27 11:25:07 AM  
An angry woman walks up to the golf course attendant and says, "I just got stung by a bee right between the first and second holes!"

The attendant says, "Well Ma'am, I'd reccomend you narrow your stance a bit."
2003-09-27 11:29:23 AM  
tikibouy - good one, I'll remember that.

And seeing as no one has done it yet:

"Why is drinking American beer like making love in a canoe?

Because it's farking near water."

/homebrewer rimshot
2003-09-27 11:33:27 AM  
beer nerds
2003-09-27 11:41:50 AM  
Jim and Bob went duck hunting with Jim's hound dog. "This is the best damn duck hunting dog you'll ever see," Jim said.

The sent the dog over the first hill to scout it out. He came running back, raised his paw once and pointed. They went over the hill and saw one duck. "See, I told you," said Jim.

They sent the dog over the second hill, he came running back, raised his paw twice, and pointed. They went over the hill and saw two ducks. Bob said, "That's amazing."

The third hill Jim said, "I'm going to go with him this time, you wait here." They go over the hill and the dog comes running back. When Jim finally gets back to Bob a minute later, his dog is shot dead.

"What the hell happened? You shot my dog???" Jim yelled.

"I had to," said Bob. "That dog just went crazy. First he humped my leg, then he grabbed a tree branch in his mouth and jumped around, then he humped me again, then grabbed the branch again. He just went nuts, I had to put him down."

"You IDIOT!" Jim screamed. "He was trying to tell you that over that hill there are more farking ducks than you can shake a stick at!"
2003-09-27 11:48:32 AM  
yeah,,,stick to beer/booze/bar/ jokes
2003-09-27 11:52:45 AM  
what is all this /rimshot business?

everyone's signing their jokes rimshot.

Am confused.
2003-09-27 11:52:49 AM  
"Walks into a bar" joke #04:

This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. About half an hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says, "hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds, "oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!" exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!" So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says, "Superman, you're a jerk when you're drunk."

/super rimshot
2003-09-27 11:53:10 AM  
Oh, and I suppose you people can keep on drinking your Guinness, thinking that you got something good. Some of us know better. The rest of you never will.

2003-09-27 11:53:24 AM  
A really sloppy drunk is draped over the bar. The bartender
tells him, "OK, you've had enough. I'm not going to serve you
anymore, so get out of here and go home."

The drunk leaves the bar. Ten minutes later the drunk comes
back in through the back door. The bartender tells him, "I
told you to go home, I'm not serving you anything more,
you've had enough, now go home."

The drunk leaves again.

Ten minutes later the drunk comes back in through a side
door. Again, the bartender tells him, "Man, I told you,
you're wasted. I'm not serving you anymore, now go home,
you've had enough."

Again, the drunk leaves.

Fifteen minutes later the drunk comes back through another
side door. The bartender says, "What the hell is the matter
with you? I keep telling you, you've had enough already, and
I'm not going to serve you anymore, now go home!"

The drunk looks up at the bartender and asks, "How many
places do you work at?"
2003-09-27 11:55:31 AM  
Another duck joke (actually an old Buddy Hackett joke):

A hunter shoots a duck out of the air and it lands inside a fence. When he jumps the fence to retrieve it a rancher comes out of his house and says, "Hold on there, partner. That duck's on my property, it belongs to me."

The hunter says, "But I shot the duck. I'm sorry it landed in your fence, but it belongs to me."

"Nothing doing," says the rancher. "That duck is mine."

"I've got an idea," the hunter said. "I'll challenge you for it. I'll kick you in the nuts, then you kick me in the nuts, and we'll go back and forth until someone gives up. The winner gets the duck."

"Okay, sounds good" the rancher said. So the hunter squares up on him and with all his might lands a crushing blow right to the ranchers balls. The rancher goes down, wailing in agony, rolling on the ground and turning blue. After a minute or two of whimpering in excruciating pain the rancher gets up and says, "That was a pretty good shot, but now it's my turn."

The hunter says, "Nah, on second thought, you can have the duck."
2003-09-27 11:56:25 AM  
Okay, no more duck jokes.
2003-09-27 11:58:57 AM  
One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk." The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay." The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye. The bartender, by now was really mad.

After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar." The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay. The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500. In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why. The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"
2003-09-27 11:59:43 AM  
Kymry: what is all this /rimshot business?

Perhaps this sound will help.

A rimshot is a drum noise made after a corny joke. See also Henny Youngman.
2003-09-27 12:01:24 PM  
A guy says to the bartender, "I want to buy a drink for that douchebag at the end of the bar," pointing to a woman.

The bartender says, "Hey mister, that's uncalled for. I'm sure she's a respectable lady and I don't appreciate you referring to her that way."

So the bartender walks over to the woman and says, "The gentleman over there would like to buy you a drink. What will it be?"

The woman replies, "Vinegar and water, please."
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