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(   Salma Hayek says she's still single because she has yet to meet a man with more balls than her   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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16578 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Sep 2003 at 10:01 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

152 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-09-15 02:47:27 PM  
Maybe it's just because she is a biatch.
2003-09-15 02:59:57 PM  
I'd like to point out to Salma that I have huge balls and they're very manly.
2003-09-15 03:07:09 PM  
She has more facial hair too!
2003-09-15 03:11:32 PM  
Yes, but that quote is misleading:

She's looking for a man who's got enough balls to get in touch with his feminine side. The meaningful quote is:

"I find feminine men unbelievably sexy. But most men are completely incapable of getting in touch with their feminine side. They don't have the courage to confront this part of their soul."
2003-09-15 03:26:23 PM  
I have a feminine side? I thought I ditched that biatch a long time ago.
2003-09-15 03:27:58 PM  
Well in that case gnasche I also love long walks on the beach, reading Virginia Wolf, having tea and crumpets, and just lying beneth the stars at night with the one I love.
2003-09-15 03:30:36 PM  
I also love long walks on the beach, so much more than Thales. Hayek should ignore him altogether. I'm the guy for her.
2003-09-15 03:44:48 PM  
But do you know Espanol snorkbutt? I really hope not cause I realy suck at Habloing Espanol.
2003-09-15 03:50:18 PM  
Ohhh... So Salma wants someone that sings "Quedate Aqui" with feeling:

Quedate aqui, en mis brazos
Quedate aqui, para mi.

Y no me digas que me amas
No me digas que me adoras
Dime solo que te quedas
Una vida junto a mi

Llevame por alli
Llevame en tus anzias a un lugar
Donde ya no tenga que jurar
Donde ya no tenga que mentir
Donde solo exista para ti.

Y no me preguntes si te quiero
Que no te preocupe lo que pienso
Que yo soy completamente tuya a mi manera.

Pero a cuando quiero ser tu sueno
Yo no me conformo con tus besos
Quiero darte todo lo que siento y mas que eso.

I find it a very love-ely song but YMMV.
2003-09-15 05:40:04 PM  
I guess Ed Norton was all brains and no balls.
2003-09-15 06:19:16 PM  
Exactly how many balls are we talking about here?
2003-09-15 06:26:24 PM  
Hmmmmmm this means Edward Norton is single!!!

wooo hooo!!!!!

I have a chance after all!!!!

2003-09-15 06:38:54 PM  
She's just playing hard-to-get with me.
2003-09-15 06:51:21 PM  
*Dances seductively on table in bar full of vampires*

How's that? And I can pencil in a unibrow!
2003-09-15 08:34:38 PM  
I own three pool tables....
2003-09-15 09:08:32 PM  
I just remembered I have Univision! Salma we can curl up in front of my T.V., eat ice cream and cry as Maria finds out that she loves Miguel but Jesus is the father of her baby.
2003-09-15 10:03:09 PM  
Salma is da man! (only with nice hoots)
2003-09-15 10:04:45 PM  
wow! she can talk, I wasn't aware of that.
2003-09-15 10:06:52 PM  
I could touch her feminine side... Does that count?
2003-09-15 10:08:45 PM  
Hell I sat through Frida, (even the parts that didn't have lesbian sex), how much more does she want.
2003-09-15 10:09:05 PM  
i would fark salma hayek even if every farker had farked her shortly before i began to fark. she is worth stirring that much porridge.
2003-09-15 10:10:17 PM  
Selma, meet your future husband.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-09-15 10:10:30 PM  
I have huge balls, and I can fake that feminine side bullshiat with the best of 'em.
2003-09-15 10:10:55 PM  
I'd it it.

2003-09-15 10:10:56 PM  
She's a hypocrite. I'd still hit it though. ;-)
2003-09-15 10:12:00 PM  
So, who wants to take bets on how long it is before she becomes a lesbian?
2003-09-15 10:12:08 PM  
I just wanna compare my balls to hers .... Bet I can't find her balls but I'll try
2003-09-15 10:14:17 PM  
cameltoe elvis?
2003-09-15 10:14:29 PM  
Maybe she wants a man who has enough balls to punch her in the face.

Also, I've heard controlling bossy women love to be dominated in bed.
2003-09-15 10:15:05 PM  
well known fact: Salma Hayek was not the naked girl writhing on the bed with Antonio Banderas in Desperado. Up untill Frida, she didn't do naked scenes.

All those socks sacrifised for nothing.

2003-09-15 10:15:39 PM  

Not Dick van Patten, but Dick van ______

Holland is full of _______

Real Texas chili has more meat and _______ than Wendy's chili, which has more beans and less meat.
2003-09-15 10:15:56 PM  
C'mon Salma, put your moneymaker where your mouth is. Contact Fark and I give Drew permission to put you in contact with me.
2003-09-15 10:16:05 PM  
Ay, fapir! (or would it be fapar? Hell, I forget...)
2003-09-15 10:18:05 PM  
Dear Lord,
Forgive us for not posting pictures of your heavenly work. My mine offerings be pleasing unto you.

[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]
2003-09-15 10:18:13 PM  
Okay, so, Salma wants me to get in touch with my feminine side, because she thinks that's the side with the balls? Brother, either Salma flunked biology with a vengeance, or there's something seriously wrong with the DNA of every "man" she's ever dated. Unless maybe she's just a huge fan of Marilyn Manson?
2003-09-15 10:19:09 PM  
Are you sure that's a guy?
2003-09-15 10:20:03 PM  
Salma Hayek eh? ::Opens up Google Image search::

/fap fap fap
2003-09-15 10:20:14 PM  
Paging Nutsack Squirrel....
2003-09-15 10:20:14 PM  
Dear Selma,

You're old and no one cares. Your narcissistic whining bores us.

The Male Race
2003-09-15 10:20:21 PM  
she sucks.

theres so many girls out there that arent totally retarded that why would anyone care what she wants?
2003-09-15 10:21:02 PM  
Obviously I'm not expert, but if I had to guess, I'd say that Salma Hayek doesn't refer to her mother as "mum."
2003-09-15 10:24:15 PM  
fark that the_leviathan, I don't mind her whining, as long as she graces everyone with her glorious rack. I don't care how old she is, I'd bone her.
2003-09-15 10:25:47 PM  
I think she means she is looking for a girlfriend...Macho big balls with a feminine side and knows what its like to be a woman..That's a lesbian!!!
2003-09-15 10:25:53 PM  
"What am I supposed to talk about with a man who doesn't know what it's like to be a woman?"

Clearly she's looking for someone who has had a sex change operation. Or maybe she just wants this:

I'm sure Martin would hit it....

2003-09-15 10:25:56 PM  
I'd be on Salma like a hobo on a ham sammich!

/buddy lee
2003-09-15 10:26:22 PM  
Salma, I'm right here.
2003-09-15 10:27:07 PM  
Rosalyn Sanchez has passed her by.
2003-09-15 10:28:41 PM  
Let's try that again with the URL instead...

And Martin would still hit it....

2003-09-15 10:29:06 PM  
The only damn reason I watch Frida was to see Selma nekid. That whole unibrow was kind of scary. Almost saved a kitten.

2003-09-15 10:30:41 PM  
Dear Salma,

I have two balls, a large amount of hair on my chest, and a degree in English.

You have no balls, two medium-sized handtantalizers on your chest, and a sunsetting career.

Unfortunately, after reading your personal, I realized that what you are actually looking for a homosexual man. Your column should read "SHF seeks SM who is seeking other SMs". My advice to you is to begin looking for heterosexual men. You will stand a better chance with them, as homosexuals, despite being sensitive and extraordinarily good dressers, are more into balls and than medium-sized handtantalizers.

I wish you luck in your endeavor. Godspeed, while your forties are still in front of you!

Me gusta tu bagos,

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