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(SNPP)   What is the funniest moment/quote from The Simpsons? Voting enabled   ( divider line
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13523 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jul 2003 at 2:05 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-07-19 11:55:02 PM  
a couple more from the Simpsons (lyrics for songs, itchy & scratchy and stuff)

"Vote Quimby" Jingle
Without a Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink,
We wouldn't have a tire yard, or a mid-size roller rink.
We wouldn't have our gallows, or our shiny Bigfoot trap,
It's not the mayor's fault that the stadium collapsed!

The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song
They fight! And bite!
They fight and bite and fight!
Fight fight fight! Bite bite bite!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

The Itchy and Scratchy Show theme song (after Marge gets the citizens of Springfield to rally and change Itchy & Scratchy)
They love! They share!
They share and love and share!
Love, love, love!
Share, share, share!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

The Itchy and Scratchy Show closing credits
They fought! and bit!
They fought and bit and fought!
Fought, fought, fought!
Bit, bit, bit!
The Itchy and Scratchy Show!

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
smells like a steak and seats thirty-five..

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down,
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown!

Canyonero! (Yah!) Canyonero!
[Krusty:] Hey Hey

The Federal Highway comission has ruled the
Canyonero unsafe for highway or city driving.


12 yards long, 2 lanes wide,
65 tons of American Pride!

Canyonero! Canyonero!

Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!

Canyonero! Canyonero! (Yah!)

She blinds everybody with her super high beams,
She's a squirrel crushing, deer smacking, driving machine!

Canyonero!-oh woah, Canyonero! (Yah!)

Drive Canyonero!

Woah Canyonero!

2003-07-19 11:56:23 PM  
Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?
Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: [thinking] My God! He coming onto me!
Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows. [chuckle] [wink]
Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh! [aloud] Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!
2003-07-20 12:01:31 AM  

Apu: "I can't believe you do not shut up!"

Gil: [pulls a rotary-dial cell phone from his jacket, and dials]
Honey, you should have seen me with my last customer, I ... no, but I came so close. This guy was as ... Whose voice is that? Is that Fred? ... Aw, you said it was over ... No, don't put him on -- Hello, Fred, h-hi!

"Disco Stu doesn't advertise!"

Troy McClure: "Mmm! That's good Billy!"

Ned: "Calm down, Neddly diddily diddily diddily, doodily. They did their best shodaiddily iddily iddily diddily diddily. Gotta be nice, hostidididildilidilly ah HELL diddily ding dong crap! Can't you morons do anything RIGHT!?"

Bart: "It's time for me to bend over and receive my destiny."

Homer: Now you're gonna do chores for that lady until you work off the damage you did. It's called "responsibility."
[drives forward and crushes the mailbox]
[screams, then backs off and drives away]

A small leprechaun appears on Ralph's shoulder.
[Irish] You've done grand, laddie! Now ya know what ya have ta do! Burn the house down! Burn 'em all!
[Ralph smiles, and nods in agreement.]
2003-07-20 12:05:39 AM  
"Who shot who in the what now?"
2003-07-20 12:09:51 AM  
"Marge? Bring me a bucket of chicken. With extra skin!"
2003-07-20 12:11:27 AM  
Willie: Boy, you've got the shin'in!
Bart: Don't you mean the SHINEing?
Willie: SHHHH! Do ya wanna get sued?!
2003-07-20 12:12:35 AM  
"They only come out at night. On in this case, in the daytime." -Chief Wiggum
2003-07-20 12:13:54 AM  
this is the episode where bart steals that game from the make things short...marge is complaining at home how Bart manages to ruin every xmas family picture...and theyre showing examples...and theres one where bart is holding up a paper caption picture to homer and it reads "im stupid"....and homers like ...heeey...i dont remember saying that...


i dont know if you guys did that one already....too bad.
2003-07-20 12:26:46 AM  
You know me, Marge! I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals fa-laaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ming!
2003-07-20 12:28:01 AM  
so many more classic quotes. i just read through all of them. and have a billion more to add. here's my best effort mostly straight from memory....

* you're the fattest thing i've ever seen, and i've been on safari

* hey, i've got problems of my own over here. this is going to get worse before it gets better

* well, okay, i WILL volunteer / i wasn't prepared for that

* my wife and kids stood by me. on the way home, i realized how little that helped

* balzak / no need for potty mouth just because you can't think of one

* by the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind ... feeeee, feeeeee

* it doesn't take a wizz to know that you're looking out for number one. well listen to me and you'll make a big splash very soon

* this is even more painful than it looks

* that's right, i may not even go to church the sunday after that. what do you think of that? .... i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry

* you just stick that guitar in the closet next to your short-wave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle, and we'll go inside and watch TV / what's on? / it doesn't matter

* i want to see you both fighting for your parents' love! fight fight fight fight fight!

* you won't be needing THIS anymore
2003-07-20 12:28:09 AM  
*when Homer becomes a private security cop*

Homer: "Finally a job that combines my love of helping people with my love of hurting people."

*when Homer is running for Sanitation Commissioner*

Homer: [melancholy] My campaign is a disaster, Moe. [angry] I hate the public so much! [melancholy] If only they'd elect me. [angry] I'd make 'em pay! [melancholy] Aw, Moe, how do I make 'em like me?

Moe: Eh, gee, you're kind of all over the place...
2003-07-20 12:28:36 AM  
Comic Book Guy: There is no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

Apu: I used to think that karma was bologna, but now...
Homer: Mmm... Caramel Bologna...

Grimey Junior: He happened to enjoy the company of prostitues, OK!?

Homer: I wish God were still here to see this.

Homer to Brazilian Nun: Now fly me away!

Bart: Have you seen my dog?
Willie: Aye, I seen him, and I 'ate 'im!
Bart: You ate my dog!
Willie: Aye, I 'ate him, and I 'ate the nuggets he left on me carpet!

Dotcommer: While it's loading, help yourself to some stock!

*Fox promos for Joe Millionaire take over screen*
*Homer eats them*
Homer: Mmm... promos.

Burns: I hate fat children!
2003-07-20 12:29:44 AM  
Homer: "Just once, I'd like for someone to call me 'sir' without having to add, 'You're making a scene.'"
2003-07-20 12:30:32 AM  
How can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid?
-Bart, doubting Milhouse's belief in the human soul
2003-07-20 12:34:05 AM  
Marge? Can you set the oven to cold?
2003-07-20 12:35:01 AM  
Steven Hawkings: I came to see your Utopia, but it looks more like a Fruitopia
2003-07-20 12:35:33 AM  
Episode 2ACV05 Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?

this scene:

Dr. Zoidberg runs amok in the gym. His shrill screams scare a
roomful of stationary cyclists to pedal faster. Then he heads
into the Pregnercise class.

Instructor: Nice and gentle. We don't want any unnecessary
Dr.Zoidberg: [pops out of the water, screaming]
Class: [screams, and a baby is born]
Instructor: Is there a doctor in the gym?
Dr.Zoidberg: I'm a doctor!
Class: [more screams and more births]
2003-07-20 12:36:46 AM  
oops that was a Futurama scene... oh well better than the simpsons anyday!
2003-07-20 12:47:34 AM  
This thread was such an extremely bad idea.
2003-07-20 12:58:10 AM  
Homer: (in obviously fake voice) Hello, My name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me
Postal Worker: Okay,and your first name, Mr Burns?
Homer: I ^dont^ know

someone probably covered this but oh well
2003-07-20 12:59:57 AM  
"Silly customer - you cannot hurt a Twinkie!!"
- Apu
2003-07-20 01:02:15 AM  
klub-kalasch! fresh klub-kalasch!
2003-07-20 01:04:12 AM  
Favorite line: from an episode that's been quoted already, the one where Sideshow Bob runs for mayor--
Bart: Oh my God, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican!
My favorite episode was the April Fool's Day episode. It was just another clip show, but goddammit, my father and I almost wet ourselves when the roof of the house blew off from the madly shaken beer can. We laughed all through the commercial, and calmed down when the show came back.
Dr. Hibbert said, "Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead." Marge gasps. "April Fool!"
We lost it again.
2003-07-20 01:11:27 AM  
Homer: See, I have this friend, his name is Joey... JoJo...Junior...Shabadoo?

Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.

(Random guy in Moe's tavern runs out crying)

Barney: WAIT! Joey JoJo!
2003-07-20 01:12:39 AM  
Hank: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank: That's right.
2003-07-20 01:34:52 AM  
The funniest bit is when in "Behind the Laughter", they are revealed to be a normal disfunctional Northern Kentucky family.

Midgettossa, your 2 cents? :)
2003-07-20 01:39:58 AM  
Just gonna list some that I enjoy. They may have already been mentioned but there's just too many comments to scan.

"I see you've played knifey spoony before!"

"OOh look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land who lives in a gum-drop house on lollipop lane....Oh by the way I was being sarcastic."

"Smithers: Help me!
Dr. Nick: Holy smokes! You need booze!"

"Lisa: Tomacco? That's pretty clever, dad. I mean for a product that's evil and deadly.
Homer: Aw, thanks honey!"

"Hey, y'know what, I could call my mom while I'm up here. Hey ma! Get of the dang roof!"
...and of course the song that goes with it: "Most folk'll never lose a toe but than again most folkel aint Cletus the slack-jawed yokel."

"hamburger earmuffs!"
2003-07-20 01:41:21 AM  
When Milhouse's parents divorce and Luann Van Houten starts dating the gladiator guy:
Gladiator guy to Bart: "Go ahead, break a chair on me!"

Then they cut to Homer sitting in the tub, and Bart smashing a chair over him.


For some reason, I've always found this absolutely hilarious. I think I laughed until I cried the first time I saw it.
2003-07-20 01:42:14 AM  
Or the vigilante episode where they recruit Nelson and ask him if he can swing a sack full of doorknobs.

"And in other news, heavy sack beatings are up an astonishing 640 percent!"


/has a sack full of doorknobs and a board with a nail in it.
2003-07-20 01:47:49 AM  
Dentist about braces: These predate stainless steel so you can't get them wet.
2003-07-20 01:53:03 AM  
Bart: and whats with the blue pants ..your not on a golf course
Homer: ya well i was thinking of making them into cuttoffs

(next day at work Homer has super short cut pants and a pda that tells him to buy sinscreen for legs)
2003-07-20 02:11:51 AM  
From the musical, "Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to Get Off!"

Troy: [singing] I hate every ape I see
From chimpan-a to chimpan-zee
2003-07-20 02:13:20 AM  
Marge touches Ralph on the shoulder

Ralph cringes in fear: She touched me in my special area.
2003-07-20 02:32:12 AM  
has anyone mentioned the line from the Trillion dollar bill episode?... where the government is looking for it at Burn's place and talking Homer into going undercover to find it?

"all we have ascertained from out satellite photos is that it's not on the roof"...

simple and genius
2003-07-20 02:42:52 AM  
Homer: Bless this rocket house and all who dwell in this rocket house.
2003-07-20 02:43:00 AM  
Marge: Homer, he prefers the company of men.
Homer: Well, who doesn't?
2003-07-20 02:52:25 AM  
Hey fun-boys, get a room ja?

-German dude from the Hellfish ep
2003-07-20 02:53:27 AM  
No one thought of this one?

Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and sea-men don't mix.
Burns: We *know* what you think!

From the king kong one where they are on the ship.
2003-07-20 02:55:09 AM  
Marge: How come we aren't ascending into heaven?
Marge: Oh right the sins....
2003-07-20 02:56:33 AM  
I am not a clumsy, Clouseau-esqe waiter! [falls into truck full of mousetraps]

-Pierre Lacoste
2003-07-20 03:14:00 AM  
"Ah prayer. The last hope of those who have no hope."

/Lisa, as Bart prays for a snow day to delay a test.
2003-07-20 03:14:49 AM  
I bent my wookie!
2003-07-20 03:17:28 AM  
I'll get you, beer baron
2003-07-20 03:19:11 AM  
Jellyfish, that's from Family Guy
2003-07-20 03:21:34 AM  
Lisa:"Dad I don't want to eat meat anymore"
Homer:"Not even ham? Bacon? Sausage? Pork Chops?"
Lisa:"Dad those all come from the same animal!"
Homer:"Pppphh....right Lisa, a WONDERFUL MAGICAL ANIMAL"
2003-07-20 03:44:21 AM  
Lisa after duffland....
"Can't talk mom, coming down"
2003-07-20 04:37:51 AM  
-baldness is herediatary!!!

-the term unblowupable is thrown around so much these days.....*blows up*

-Homer (talking to ned):Let he who has no sin cast the first stone.

Homer: OW!

Todd: Got him daddy!
2003-07-20 04:38:31 AM  
Hey, you don't like it, move to Russia.
2003-07-20 04:40:04 AM  
"yes sir, theres nothing on earth like a Genuine, bonnified, electified 6 car monorail!"
2003-07-20 04:47:50 AM  
P.S. - I am gay.
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