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(CNN)   Meowlingual device will translate your cat's sounds into words. Your cat wants to eat your face   ( edition.cnn.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely  
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10297 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jul 2003 at 2:45 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

49 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-07-16 01:04:39 PM  
i'm sure the translation from CAT to JAPANESE to ENGLISH will be totally FLAWLESS:

[image from home.kc.rr.com too old to be available]
2003-07-16 01:26:43 PM  
LOL Guy Incognito. Just think, Pavlov's dogs never had a chance.
2003-07-16 01:51:00 PM  
I'd tie it around my cats neck (or duck tape for those feisty kitties) that way I'll know what he's saying at all times.
2003-07-16 01:58:14 PM  
Staples work better.
2003-07-16 02:57:54 PM  
I like nails.
2003-07-16 02:59:36 PM  

I have one of those translaters.
It turns out that my cat likes pussy too!
What a coincidence!
2003-07-16 02:59:52 PM  
If it doesn't say "fark off" or "Leave me the fark alone" then it's not accurate :p

</Owned by two cats>
2003-07-16 03:01:30 PM  
meow meow meow, meow meow. meow meow meow meow. mew meow.

/got nothing
2003-07-16 03:01:31 PM  
And you thought cats were annoying before
2003-07-16 03:03:28 PM  
surgical implant would work best.
2003-07-16 03:07:28 PM  
I'd buy it if it translated "I'm about to throw up on the carpet."
2003-07-16 03:11:23 PM  
"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"

"the dog's an asshole."

"where's the catnip?"

"where's the catnip?"
2003-07-16 03:11:27 PM  
People care what cats have to say? What cats are saying is about #10,502 on the list of things I care about, right after #10,501, which is "What is Anna Nicole doing today?"
2003-07-16 03:17:22 PM  
Naked Space reference?
2003-07-16 03:18:23 PM  
CanuckGuy already has the inside scoop.

But don't forget "Do you mind not staring at me when I'm licking my ass?"
2003-07-16 03:18:53 PM  
"Meow" = "I will wait till you fall asleep, then claw your face until you die, all because you had me neutered."

I wonder if this translator works on Vermont State Troopers, meow.

[image from boxofficeprophets.com too old to be available]

2003-07-16 03:25:03 PM  
All your base are belong to them.
2003-07-16 03:28:30 PM  
all i have to say is...people actually buy these things? i thought animals communicated more by methods other than "speech". (tails and ears, for instance)
2003-07-16 03:31:08 PM  
"Dad, I ate a spider"
2003-07-16 03:34:37 PM  
If it doesn't say "feed me" about every other time, then you know it's junk. Phrases that should also be included are "I don't respond to any name unless I want to, stupid," "Pet me, slave" "That's plenty, now get lost" "But fill my food dish first" "Scumbag, why do I let you live in my house anyway?" The list goes on and on.
Remember, you own a dog, you feed a cat.
2003-07-16 03:36:30 PM  
I have been using this device to comminucate with you pitiful humans for months now.

Mostly I say :

1. Screw you!
2. What the f*ck?
3. Man, I got to shiat.
4. Shama lama ding dong.
2003-07-16 03:36:42 PM  
Guy Incognito, you forgot to add the words "golden spider monkey" and "super terrific 100 percent" to that translation.
2003-07-16 03:41:25 PM  
Cat's only say two things:

"Leave me alone."

"You can pet me when I LET YOU PET ME!"
2003-07-16 03:46:08 PM  
I don't need it, I speak fluent 'Felinese'. Miggit, you're right, cat-speak (all animal-speak in fact) deals alot with body posture as you've mentioned,as well as vocalizations.
A meow with ears up and pupils slit means one thing vs. a meow with ears back and pupils dilated...(!)

Has anyone caught the related article to the right,
"Meow TV?"
Its being launched by "Meow Mix". Yea, the catfood that is most infamous for causing crystals to develope in the cats urinairy (sp?) tract!
Just seemed ironic to me is all.

Guy and Squirrel, LOL!

Would LOVE to see how this translator would work with a siamese cat.
Those cats are one one step away from actual human speach!
Heck, they'll hold conversations with you as it is.

Now all they need is a fish translator.
2003-07-16 03:46:55 PM  
I like Gary Larson's translation for dogs' barking:


"Hey! Hey! Hey!"

"Hey! Hey!"
2003-07-16 03:47:19 PM  
2003-07-16 03:53:18 PM  
Funny headline. :p
2003-07-16 04:17:11 PM  
Oh great. Now every time I see some good boobies, I'll have to hear the kittens suffer. Damnit
2003-07-16 04:32:02 PM  
Hey, shouldn't be that bad. Just randomly select between "Let me out" and "I'm hungry", and you'll be right half of the time. :)
2003-07-16 04:36:29 PM  
This reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homers half brother Herb makes the baby translator.
2003-07-16 04:42:53 PM  
The cat around this house seldom "speaks" in my direction. If I do happen to say something in it's presence, it just has that look as if simply hearing my voice is painful. And I am equally interested in what it has to say.
2003-07-16 04:43:11 PM  

"I want to eat your face
It would just be so yummmmy
I'd like to have your smile
In my tummy!"

2003-07-16 04:49:25 PM  
"Now let me see your liscence and registration meow"


"Now whats so funny Meow"?

"Oh um I just thought you said meow"

"Did I say Meow? Do I look like a cat all nimbly jumping from tree to tree drinking milk out of a saucer"?
2003-07-16 04:57:00 PM  
I sometimes have conversations with our two cats in meowspeak. I have no clue what I'm saying, or what they think of it, but I'm pretty sure they just want to be fed, have their ears scrached, be adored, be let in if it's below about 60F, or just be left alone. Oh, and I always call either one of them "cat." There's obviously no reason whatsoever to call them anything else, save for the purpose of designating which one you are refering to when discussing them with other people.
2003-07-16 05:13:24 PM  
I'm getting all my cats one one so they can understand each other.
2003-07-16 06:27:41 PM  
To a dog, you're family. To a cat, you're staff.
2003-07-16 06:31:09 PM  
Meow meow hungry meow

Meow meow change the litterbox meow

Meow meow I'm going to sleep meow
2003-07-16 06:33:45 PM  
Has anyone figured out why the Japanese waste so much technological genius on trivial bullshiat like this? The Japanese people could rule the world if they applied themselves to something other than building pink, plastic cat translators and Hello Kitty vibrators. The sheer magnitude of waste... it's like if you harnassed all the energy used up in masturbation, all the bandwidth in porn, or all the wealth concentrated in the hands of greedy bastard monopolist robber barons... You could win the war on poverty, put an end to starvation, house the homeless, cure cancer, cure the common cold... but no, instead you build a farkING CAT TRANSLATOR.

Thanks, Japan.
2003-07-16 07:57:29 PM  
Not gonna sell. The only people who actually care what a cat has to say (hopeless freaks like me) are the ones who understand them already, anyway.

/yes I do talk to my cat, and yes she talks back
2003-07-16 07:59:39 PM  
Oh, and yes, the thing is practically useless because cats communicate far more with body language than with sounds.
2003-07-16 09:43:29 PM  
If you get one, and your cat tells you to go out and kill masses of people and yourself, can your next of kin sue the company?
2003-07-16 09:56:16 PM  
"Cats are smaller and more finicky than dogs so we had to change the design a little," Takara spokeswoman Maiko Hasumi said.

The feline version won't strap on the collar as does the Bowlingual, and a person must hold the microphone in the machine up to the cat's mouth and hope it says something, she said.

As freakin' if. My cat hardly ever "talks" to me. And when the little guy does, it's because he wants to go outside, which lg isn't even allowed to do. Sometimes I get the old "look in my general direction and see that I put the food dish in your path so if you don't feed me you will trip on it and die" meow. Otherwise, it's all occasionally come up to me and lick my face when I am sleeping (cat breath smells like tuna, and sometimes, shiat). Try to steal my breath will you? We'll see what happens when out comes the water gun? Eh?
2003-07-17 12:23:13 AM  
I took my cat, Zeerox, to the vet this monday for his shots. He usually doesn't mind much, and doesn't care even if there are other cats that are meowing or howling. This time, however, there was another cat that'd been very vocal all the time, Zeerox hadn't paid him much attention, until after this cat came back out of the vet's office. It meowed again and suddenly I hear Zeerox growl, then hiss, and he stayed hissing mad all the time we were there, even snarling at the vet and lashing out at her! He'd never before responded to any cats or even to the dogs at the vet's office and he always allows the vet do anything without protest. I'm not entirely sure what this translator device would've made of this other cat's meows, but I could tell it wasn't anything nice he said, lol!
2003-07-17 12:55:06 AM  
I cant belive someone else actually saw that movie!
2003-07-17 01:34:01 AM  
Hmmm, sounds like a winner:
"Meow, I hit you in the face while you sleep because youre my biatch, punk."
"Meow--get out of bed asshat and feed me."
"meow--whos this jerk in my house?"
"meow--lets smoke some more pot!"
"Meow--time for another nap."
This one time at college, I dropped some acid and I was playing with my cat (after washing my hands thoroughly) and I was holding him up and looking at him and I asked him if he could understand what I was saying and if he could talk and just didn't want to...
He looked right at me and winked.
I put him down and ran away. Ahhh, drugs.
2003-07-17 04:54:05 AM  
Being a longtime cat owner, I have become convinced that the cat language is composed entirely of curse words.
2003-07-17 08:17:08 AM  
"Called the Meowlingual, the cat-shaped machine set to go on sale in Japan in November translates meows and purrs into human phrases such as "I can't stand it," although exact wording hasn't been decided yet, the Tokyo-based company said Wednesday."

Perhaps they had this cat in mind for the shape?

[image from bonsaikitten.com too old to be available]
2003-07-17 08:21:21 AM  
Odd...I put in the code for bold to make "the cat-shaped machine" stand out, but it did not work.

2003-07-19 01:47:48 AM  
"I'm not entirely sure what this translator device would've made of this other cat's meows, but I could tell it wasn't anything nice he said, lol!"


The other cat said "Quick everybody, save yourselves! She just gave me an anal probe!"
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