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(BBSpot)   Star Trek pundit blasted at convention for controversial theory that a star destroyer could whoop the Enterprise E   ( bbspot.com) divider line
    More: Satire  
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19076 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Jul 2003 at 1:12 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

201 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-07-15 01:19:15 PM  
i've heard my pals have this argument before. very funny.
2003-07-15 01:21:24 PM  
What about a borg ship or the klingons around uranus?
2003-07-15 01:21:42 PM  
Are we sure this is satire? My other half is a TrekNerd and they have their meetings at our house sometimes - when I do bite the bullet and stick around, I listen, and yes, I too have heard this argued. Seriously. I just close the door and turn on porn or baseball, anything to drown it out.
2003-07-15 01:21:46 PM  
I'll quote the story by saying that whole website has become "Stupid and Gay"
2003-07-15 01:25:02 PM  
Shadows 0wn!
2003-07-15 01:25:31 PM  
Dude, Yamato/Argo OWNZ!

Hnuh, Hnuuuuuuhhhhh Hnuh-Hnuh-Hnuh!
2003-07-15 01:26:16 PM  
But the real question is, can you get out of the dungon without using the wizard key?
2003-07-15 01:26:57 PM  
!*&#$ Swiss websites! Feh!
2003-07-15 01:28:34 PM  
2003-07-15 01:28:34 PM  
It's a lot of fun to point and laugh at the ones who are slightly less cool than we.
2003-07-15 01:28:59 PM  
BBSpot: The Trouble with Satire.

[image from bioinfo.mshri.on.ca too old to be available]

2003-07-15 01:29:05 PM  
But who would win in a fight:

The T-1000 mimetic polyalloy robot from Terminator 2


Agent Smith from the Matrix
2003-07-15 01:31:17 PM  
These guys?
[image from driko.org too old to be available]
2003-07-15 01:31:19 PM  
Wow, the article is frighteningly not funny. Most BB Spot articles are pretty bad, but they're just bad. This absolutely lacks humor of any kind, and is just painful, with no redeeming qualities.
2003-07-15 01:31:20 PM  
Star Trek is in the distant future and Star Wars was a long time ago....in a galaxy far far away. Two different timelines! Stupid and Gay lol:)
2003-07-15 01:31:39 PM  
Pfff... Both would get pwned by the Pillar of Autumn with the Chief on board.

Hehe, really, I don't know who could win here. But that guy was a dumbass to tell a bunch of Trekkies that. Asshat.
2003-07-15 01:31:43 PM  
This is so stupid. Every one knows that Star Wars is based on more realistic science than Star Trek.

The Death Star could take down the Borg anytime....
2003-07-15 01:33:27 PM  
Someone, please, assure me that this is in fact just satire because if it's true, it's the saddest thing I have ever read.
2003-07-15 01:33:38 PM  
************ Nerd Alert, Nerd Alert ****************
2003-07-15 01:34:32 PM  

That is an interesting question, but i would have to say that we would have to know whether you mean Smith from Matrix, or Matrix reloaded....

This would be a good debate....
2003-07-15 01:34:41 PM  
The borg could just assimilate all the Jedi and they would become unstoppable.

And of course Q could always just teleport that Star Destroyer all the way to the beta quadrant and they wouldn't be able to make it back for hundreds of years.

No way those Star Wars fools would stand a chance!
2003-07-15 01:34:46 PM  
This guy could whoop them all...

[image from members.fortunecity.com too old to be available]

Beware the Dweed...
2003-07-15 01:34:52 PM  
You mean this isnt real?
2003-07-15 01:36:18 PM  
basically star trek ships give me the impression they couldn't even take a tie fighter. Every episode they're getting their ass kicked by someone. I don't think a federation ship could defeat another federation ship.

Oh wait, they did it in wrath of kahn. The only time I saw the enterprise actually win a fight.

Hell, even with a klingon on board they suck.
2003-07-15 01:36:19 PM  
What is really FUNNY (or not at all for me), is that being a CS major I have to endure hearing these conversations constantly. As if the body odor and hardcore japanese fanaticism weren't enough, I have to be put through this every day as well.

I really should have just sticked to an easy liberal arts major and been in class with a bunch of hotties instead.
2003-07-15 01:36:51 PM  
BritneysSpeculum -- BBSpot is, in fact, a satire site. However, if you searched for "crossovers" or "fanfic", you could probably find just-as-pathetic claims and debates made in earnest.
2003-07-15 01:37:08 PM  
Dude, Agent Smith. Huge Weaving is totally badass, just look at his hair line
2003-07-15 01:37:15 PM  
This article failed to answer my burning question about who has better tractor beams - the Federation or the Empire?
2003-07-15 01:37:17 PM  
Everyone knows that the spaceship to root for is the Red Dwarf
2003-07-15 01:38:47 PM  
Sci-fi pundit Marc Eisenburg, 38 of Apple Valley, Minnesota
Lets do the Star Trek Geek check list

Lives in his parents basement-check
Has never kissed a girl - check
Owns a red Star Trek Security crewman shirt-check
Believes Sci Fi movies are real- check

Chances of getting laid after this article, slim to nil!
2003-07-15 01:38:55 PM  

Everyone knows that the Star Destroyer would win.

2003-07-15 01:39:05 PM  
The Sun Crusher would obliterate any Borg cube...
2003-07-15 01:40:56 PM  
I think Tron would whip them all.
2003-07-15 01:41:50 PM  
Now, if it's classic Trek, and Scotty's drunk, and Kirk and his entire senior staff are stuck on the planet's surface, and Kirk just got done molesting the green broad, then hell yeah, Scotty will blast any non Federation vessel out of the sky.
2003-07-15 01:45:47 PM  
Funnier than satire is actual arguements about this.

I can't wait to tell my wife I'm cooler than someone.
2003-07-15 01:46:58 PM  
Ahh, let me be the first trekker to put in his $0.02

The Enterprise E vs a Super Star Destroyer may be an interesting match, however vs a simple Star Destroyer its doubtful it be much of a head ache for the Enterprise.
I personally doubt though that the influences of the force can carry over such long distances as from the Command bridge of a Start Destroyer, which is near the rear to the bridge of a Sovereign Class Star Ship which is about 2/3 from the back tip of the nacelles. This compounded with such things as shields makes it highly unlikely Vader could exert all too much influence.

In any event if it is assumed that Vader did succeed in doing so, one has to consider that this Jedai mind trick only works on weak-minded individuals. Hence it is questionable if it would work on Picard, a man who was able to regain his individuality after being assimilated. Also its doubtful Data, if this fight was pre- Nemesis, be affected.
Now as to technical differences.

The shields of empire ships seem not to be too hard to get through. If I remember correctly it was easily taken out by a kamikaze run from someone in an X-wing. This could be accomplished by loading antai mater in a shuttle and remote piloting it in to the shield generator, unless you wish to take a page from Nemesis and just ram the Enterprise into that particular section of the Destroyer.

As for weaponry, the Empire seems to outfit its ships with the equivalent of Klingon / Romulan Disrupters. However, the enterprise has Photon torpedoes as well as Quantam and even perhaps Tri Colbalt torpedoes. It would also have standard Phasers to deal with possible squadrons of tie fighters.

/Remember Trekker, not trekkie
2003-07-15 01:47:16 PM  
I have a midget friend, and an albino friend. Together we call ourselves "The Unfarkables"
2003-07-15 01:52:15 PM  
I've heard several arguments about SW vs ST, the funniest were what would happen if the Death Star fought a Borg Cube, and who would win if a Wookie fought a Klingon.

Hypothetical arguments about fictional characters are almost as fun as political flamewars.
2003-07-15 01:54:41 PM  
300lbs_Gorilla wrote:
Funnier than satire is actual arguements about this.
I can't wait to tell my wife I'm cooler than someone.

Ok, I'll retract my earlier statement. The saddest thing I've ever read is on the link provided by the Gorilla. I fear for the future of my country.
2003-07-15 01:58:41 PM  
Many moons ago when I was in the Navy, this guy transferred to our command from the USS Missouri, an old and very famous WWII vintage ship. I'm pretty sure the Japanese signed the surrender papers on it.

Anyways, the guy was a total Missouri dork. No matter what the subject of conversation, he'd try to steer it back to either something similar that occurred on the Missouri, or the ship itself.

Well, one time I said a modern Navy destroyer could probably take out Mighty Mo'. Big mistake!

Our boy started sputtering on about the Missouri's firepower, it's armor, all kinds of stuff. Got all kinds of mad about it. Other people heard us talking (well, I was talking, but homeboy was all spun up like daffy duck vs bugs bunny) so they joined in and it devolved into 4-5 guys talking shiat about the Missouri, and how bad it sucked and so on.

so, it ended up with our boy hissing <drama tag> "the USS Missouri will NEVER be defeated!" <close drama tag> and storming off.

"totally stupid and gay"
2003-07-15 01:58:41 PM  
Whew! What a relief--BBSpot managed to get that article in just before the Star Trek franchise's death rattle. Probably makes up for all those Babylon 5 jokes they thought of just a year or two too late.
2003-07-15 01:59:33 PM  
You see


It is the 72 tie fighters (yes, i know they blow up fast), the 5 gunboats (which, are devistatingly effective if you have played Tie Fighter), but trully, it is the 60 ion cannons that would fark up the Enterprise in no time flat,

Hell, a couple of photon torpedoes would cash out the Enterprise once those babies had their way.
2003-07-15 02:03:38 PM  
I was going to ask why people found this BBSpot site funny, with its ham-fisted attempts at satire, when there's the feather-light deft touch of subtle genius at The Onion, just another click away. But, then I realized that apparently no one here finds BBSpot funny. Thank God, renewing my faith in Farkers.
2003-07-15 02:04:17 PM  
I personally doubt though that the influences of the force can carry over such long distances as from the Command bridge of a Start Destroyer, which is near the rear to the bridge of a Sovereign Class Star Ship which is about 2/3 from the back tip of the nacelles. This compounded with such things as shields makes it highly unlikely Vader could exert all too much influence.

I'm not too sure about the effects of shielding on the Force, but there is a flaw in your argument. Through the Force, Obi-Wan was able to sense the destruction of Alderran (the "thousands of voices crying out")

/can't believe I'm writing this.
2003-07-15 02:06:24 PM  
Star Trek, however, has hotter babes.... Janice Rand, 7 of 9, T'Paul, Janeway....


Scratch that.
2003-07-15 02:07:15 PM  
(Slowy putting on the flame retardant suit)

You know, The Lexx and Moya from farscape would kick all their asses...

Amd at least in those shows people get laid. ROFL...
2003-07-15 02:08:53 PM  
dreadnought: it was an A WING, not a X WING!!!

/shakes head because I knew that.....
2003-07-15 02:09:02 PM  
Pman - good call with the sun crusher..it would fly right through it.

They didn't classify what type of star destroyer? An imp class would get it's arse beat but a super would crush them.
2003-07-15 02:09:15 PM  
im not expert in either starwars or startrek but doesnt a star destroyer have lots of guns or "blaster" and there like 10 times the size! the carry brigades and brigades of infantry and ground attack thinks like that AT AT plus all those ships and tie fighters. what does the Enterprise have? aside from gay uniforms, a blind engineer, a balding and ahem.......french captain . <--battle already lost he ran away long ago. oh ya a wonderfull aura of colourful laser weapons all they need now are purple horse shoes and maybe the gay flag in the brigde.
2003-07-15 02:09:51 PM  
Now, Adama and Lloyd Bridges could take out both.
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