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(Some Ghoul)   It is that time of year again, kiddos. Time to share your scariest, spine-chillingest, insanity-inducing tales with your fellow Farkers   (etonline.com) divider line
    More: Scary, insanity, David Boreanaz, Dan Aykroyd, Hollywood, Marilyn Manson  
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4211 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Oct 2010 at 5:16 AM (10 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2010-10-29 1:16:55 PM  
"....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there!"

/jarring chord.
 
2010-10-29 1:19:12 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there I was wearing a wedding ring!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:22:04 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there I was wearing a wedding ring! my penis was missing."

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:29:50 PM  
...and then the cop said "the calls are coming from Speaker of the House John Boehner!"
 
2010-10-29 1:30:30 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there my poop smelled like garlic!!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:34:08 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: the smell of a fart that wasn't mine wafted into my nose!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:40:01 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there A seekrit mooslin was president!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:42:25 PM  

CitizenTed: Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there my poop smelled like garlic!!"

/jarring chord.


YOU GUYS ARE FREAKING ME OUT!!!!
 
2010-10-29 1:43:30 PM  
and when I stepped out of the time machine I looked and still clutched in my hand was a Newspaper bearing the headline "President Palin looks forward to a second term"...,
 
2010-10-29 1:43:39 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there HAD A PENIS!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:46:07 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there I heard a jarring chord!"

/jarring chord.

 
Pud
2010-10-29 1:48:39 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: I was FREAKING OUT after hearing jarring chord!

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 1:51:06 PM  

jehovahs witness protection: Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there I was wearing a wedding ring ON MY PENIS!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 2:20:34 PM  
Well, I suppose it falls to me to end the snark and get started. This story isn't terribly scary, but it is true.

It is shortly before 5:30 PM on a crisp December evening. The sun has almost completely vanished below the horizon, though a few fading remnants of its feeble rays continue to cast the countryside in a gloomy, dim light. As I do on most weekdays, I slip out of my work clothes, don a sweatshirt and pair of nylon running pants, and lace up my running shoes. I do some brief stretching, and start out on my run.

My usual route takes me for a couple of miles through the small town in which I reside, and then takes me outside of it to run a couple of miles on the dark country highways on the town's periphery. Now, we can debate the relative intelligence of running alone on a deserted country highway in near-pitch-dark, but that can be left as a topic of discussion for another diary.

I was running down a long and gently-sloping hill, having gotten into a rhythm with my breathing, the motion of my arms, and the sounds of my Nike cross-trainers hitting the pavement.

That's when I saw it, or rather, heard it.

My first impression that something was wrong came when I began to hear a second set of footfalls. These footfalls were almost exactly synchronized with my own, coming at just a split-second after the moment that my feet hit the pavement. At first, I almost believed that this second set was somehow an echo of my own, despite the fact that there was no physical reason that such a phenomenon should exist.

However, these thoughts vanished completely when I looked up from my own feet and looked about ten yards down the road. There was something horrible crossing the road in front of me. I've been running for a long time, and I've encountered my share of critters. Dogs, raccoons, possums, skunks, mink, deer, even the occasional coyote -- all are common sights when out in the South Dakota countryside. But I could not begin to speculate as to what this was. In the almost-vanquished afternoon light, the thing looked distinctly bipedal. It was large, but not quite human-sized. I remember thinking to myself that I was looking at some sort of sick combination of Steven Spielberg's E.T. and Arthur Conan Doyle's pygmy cannibal Tonga.

I kept running, and soon got to the spot on the highway where the monstrosity (if monstrosity it was) had first stepped on it. The thing had not crossed the road perpendicular to my path, but instead had run across the road at a strange 45-degree angle. It had since vanished into the tall grasses on the other side of the road and headed down a slope. Its footprints, made evident by the wet grass and the dry pavement, were large and elongated, much like human footprints. Its footsteps, when I had been able to hear them, were dull thuds, unaccompanied by the typical "click-click" sound that you would normally hear from the toenails of a dog or a raccoon.

I simply continued to run -- what else was there to do? Within a matter of minutes, I was back in the streetlit confines of my town, and I kept the rest of the run on paths that afforded sufficient illumination. Upon returning home, I sat down at my computer and typed out the story that you are now reading.
 
2010-10-29 2:23:55 PM  

seventypercent: Well, I suppose it falls to me to end the snark and get started. This story isn't terribly scary, but it is true.

...


TL;DR
 
2010-10-29 2:27:54 PM  
seventypercent:

Creepy - was this in Sioux Falls?
 
2010-10-29 2:33:38 PM  

Barbigazi: jehovahs witness protection: Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there, was an HE, and I was wearing HER ON MY PENIS!"

/jarring chord.

 
2010-10-29 2:38:44 PM  

Dr.Zom: Creepy - was this in Sioux Falls?


Just outside.
 
2010-10-29 2:47:02 PM  

seventypercent: Well, I suppose it falls to me to end the snark and get started. This story isn't terribly scary, but it is true.

It is shortly before 5:30 PM on a crisp December evening. The sun has almost completely vanished below the horizon, though a few fading remnants of its feeble rays continue to cast the countryside in a gloomy, dim light. As I do on most weekdays, I slip out of my work clothes, don a sweatshirt and pair of nylon running pants, and lace up my running shoes. I do some brief stretching, and start out on my run.

My usual route takes me for a couple of miles through the small town in which I reside, and then takes me outside of it to run a couple of miles on the dark country highways on the town's periphery. Now, we can debate the relative intelligence of running alone on a deserted country highway in near-pitch-dark, but that can be left as a topic of discussion for another diary.

I was running down a long and gently-sloping hill, having gotten into a rhythm with my breathing, the motion of my arms, and the sounds of my Nike cross-trainers hitting the pavement.

That's when I saw it, or rather, heard it.

My first impression that something was wrong came when I began to hear a second set of footfalls. These footfalls were almost exactly synchronized with my own, coming at just a split-second after the moment that my feet hit the pavement. At first, I almost believed that this second set was somehow an echo of my own, despite the fact that there was no physical reason that such a phenomenon should exist.

However, these thoughts vanished completely when I looked up from my own feet and looked about ten yards down the road. There was something horrible crossing the road in front of me. I've been running for a long time, and I've encountered my share of critters. Dogs, raccoons, possums, skunks, mink, deer, even the occasional coyote -- all are common sights when out in the South Dakota countryside. But I could not begin to speculate as to what this was. In the almost-vanquished afternoon light, the thing looked distinctly bipedal. It was large, but not quite human-sized. I remember thinking to myself that I was looking at some sort of sick combination of Steven Spielberg's E.T. and Arthur Conan Doyle's pygmy cannibal Tonga.

I kept running, and soon got to the spot on the highway where the monstrosity (if monstrosity it was) had first stepped on it. The thing had not crossed the road perpendicular to my path, but instead had run across the road at a strange 45-degree angle. It had since vanished into the tall grasses on the other side of the road and headed down a slope. Its footprints, made evident by the wet grass and the dry pavement, were large and elongated, much like human footprints. Its footsteps, when I had been able to hear them, were dull thuds, unaccompanied by the typical "click-click" sound that you would normally hear from the toenails of a dog or a raccoon.

I simply continued to run -- what else was there to do? Within a matter of minutes, I was back in the streetlit confines of my town, and I kept the rest of the run on paths that afforded sufficient illumination. Upon returning home, I sat down at my computer and typed out the story that you are now reading.


as Mr. Devito's personal assitant and legal representative I am going to ask that you stop with the embarassing allegations into the appearance and exercise habits, strange though they may be, of my clien's wife. Ms Perlman is rather sensitive about these things.
thank you
 
2010-10-29 3:02:56 PM  
We went to a neighborhood on the outskirts of Millsboro, DE, filled primarily with mobile homes as best as I can recall. We started walking up to a house, and all of a sudden, out from behind a big bush, was Jason Voorhees wielding a chainsaw! I think my brother simply collapsed to the ground, while I went running for my father! I was tackled before I could get to him by his co-worker's wife (who had come along with my mom, while my dad and his co-worker sat in the car), because at that point I had forgotten to look both ways and would've been tackled by a car had I continued.

I did not go trick-or-treating again for 23 years, ending last night by my wife and I taking our daughter trick-or-treating for her first Halloween. I was still wary that Jason would jump out and get me, however.
 
2010-10-29 3:12:22 PM  
This one time, I was tuning into Monday Night Football, but I hit the wrong button and Dancing With The Stars came on.
 
2010-10-29 3:12:25 PM  

Dr.Zom: seventypercent:

Creepy - was this in Sioux Falls?


Such a strange story. Doesn't really even fit any "known" unexplained phenomenon. I guess Native Americans would say you saw something like a skinwalker.
 
2010-10-29 3:16:12 PM  

seventypercent: Well, I suppose it falls to me to end the snark and get started. This story isn't terribly scary, but it is true.

................


i215.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2010-10-29 3:22:21 PM  
cretinbob:

I don't see you bringing anything to the table.
 
2010-10-29 3:27:42 PM  
I'm posting this from INSIDE YOUR HOUSE!...


...well, somebody's house. Could be my house really.

[image from mojoimage.com too old to be available]


Awwwwooooooo! I've eaten all your funyons!
 
2010-10-29 3:31:18 PM  

rcain: copy pasta detected


It is copypasta, but it's a copypasta of my own story. I posted it on K5 eight years ago.
 
2010-10-29 3:31:41 PM  
It ate him...bit off his head...like a gingerbread man!
 
2010-10-29 3:36:35 PM  

Aarontology: This one time, I was tuning into Monday Night Football, but I hit the wrong button and Dancing With The Stars came on.


Sure, wrong button. Liar.
 
2010-10-29 3:46:20 PM  
seventypercent, do you think you could draw what you saw?

/I collect strange stories
//eip
 
2010-10-29 3:47:23 PM  

Dr.Zom: Such a strange story. Doesn't really even fit any "known" unexplained phenomenon. I guess Native Americans would say you saw something like a skinwalker.


Well, it was eight years ago and the thing that still sticks out in my mind is the "thud-thud-thud" that whatever it was made as it crossed the road. Not the "clop-clop-clop" of a hooved animal, or the "click-click-click" of a pawed-and-clawed animal, but a "thud-thud-thud" -- the same sort of sound your feet would make if you were running on concrete in a pair of socks.
 
2010-10-29 3:49:38 PM  

muck4doo: Sure, wrong button. Liar.


Hey, it's not hard to mess up and hit 0-6 instead of 3-6 when you've had a few. The worst part is that it took me a few minutes to realize it. I saw this pretty boy mincing about with a bunch of old ladies around him and thought "Hey, wait a minute. The Patriots aren't supposed to be playing tonight"
 
2010-10-29 3:59:34 PM  

Dr.Zom: seventypercent, do you think you could draw what you saw?


Heh, I doubt it. My ability to pluck something out of the mind's eye and transfer it to paper is pretty much nonexistent. About the best that I can do is the description in the story -- it was really too dark to be able to definitively identify details beyond its general presence and the weird sort of footprints that it left on the road.
 
2010-10-29 4:05:10 PM  

Aarontology: muck4doo: Sure, wrong button. Liar.

Hey, it's not hard to mess up and hit 0-6 instead of 3-6 when you've had a few. The worst part is that it took me a few minutes to realize it. I saw this pretty boy mincing about with a bunch of old ladies around him and thought "Hey, wait a minute. The Patriots aren't supposed to be playing tonight"


LOL!
 
2010-10-29 4:06:45 PM  

Dr.Zom: cretinbob:

I don't see you bringing anything to the table.


perhaps you should start at the top
 
2010-10-29 4:19:09 PM  
Pfft treadjacker with his story of being scared by a unknown creature. Im sure it wasnt the Chupacabra. BOO!
 
2010-10-29 4:42:05 PM  

Ennuipoet: "....and when I woke up that morning: she was still there!"

/jarring chord.


I think this is what you were looking for (not the other 20 posts who's heads it went over):

thumbnails.hulu.comView Full Size


And when he woke up in the morning, she was still in his bed! AHHHH!

- That's it?

Yeah.
And then she wanted to make him eggs. AHHH!
And he said, "Oh, I don't have time." I've got a meeting at 12:30."
And she said, "I'll drive you there." AHHH!!!
And he said, "No, no, it's at my office.
It's, like, a half-hour commute." And she said,
"I don't mind. It's on the way to my kid's preschool." AHHH! AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHHH!
 
2010-10-29 5:06:47 PM  
[image from pvponline.com too old to be available]
 
2010-10-29 5:10:35 PM  

calbert: I think this is what you were looking for (not the other 20 posts who's heads it went over):


Well, yeah and no, I mean the joke is old, older than Family Guy, but I will accept it.

But seriously, it's happened to me, I've woken up: AND. SHE. WAS. STILL. THERE!
 
2010-10-29 5:21:59 PM  

Ennuipoet: calbert: I think this is what you were looking for (not the other 20 posts who's heads it went over):

Well, yeah and no, I mean the joke is old, older than Family Guy, but I will accept it.

But seriously, it's happened to me, I've woken up: AND. SHE. WAS. STILL. THERE!


oh I know, I just liked the way Quagmire kept it going

AHHHH!!! AHHH!!!
 
2010-10-29 5:34:24 PM  
I'm engaged...

i201.photobucket.comView Full Size


To a woman with 3 kids...

i201.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2010-10-29 5:37:44 PM  

baka-san: I'm engaged...


AHHHH! AHHHH!

baka-san: To a woman with 3 kids...


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (faints)
 
2010-10-29 5:43:58 PM  
baka-san wins this round.
 
2010-10-29 5:46:03 PM  
Ennuipoet: AHHHH! AHHHH!baka-san: To a woman with 3 kids...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (faints)


Aarontology: baka-san wins this round.

Wish I had enabled voting, oh well.
 
2010-10-29 5:49:09 PM  
One night, after my mother had tucked me in and gone to bed, I started hearing crying, as though from a small child, in my room. I couldn't see anyone and it wasn't my younger brother, who was asleep down the hall. I yelled for my mother, but when she came into the room, the noise stopped. This happened night after night. She'd tuck me in, leave, the crying would start, I'd call for her, she'd come in, and the noise would stop. She never heard the crying. My parents were concerned because they thought I was losing my mind. I knew what I was hearing wasn't in my head. One night, after hearing the crying start up yet again at about four in the morning, I ran into my parents' room and crawled into bed with my mother (my dad got up really early for work and was already in the kitchen by then). After a time, the crying started up again. I woke up my mother and again the noises stopped. We were just drifting back off to sleep when all of a sudden an inhuman howl pierced the early morning air. My father came running into the room and my mother almost shot out of bed. My parents looked at me and asked me if that's what I heard. I nodded. It was amplified, but that's what I'd heard. All of a sudden, from under the house, we heard a "Mmmmmmmmrrrrooowwwww!!"

A female cat had been courting the Toms of the neighborhood underneath our house. I wasn't crazy. And the house wasn't haunted by anything other than the sweet, dulcet tones of feline love. The noise had stopped when I yelled because my yelling had been briefly distracting the cats.

/doesn't believe in ghosts
//does believe in ungodly loud cats
 
2010-10-29 5:57:15 PM  
rcain: Maybe one of the modmins will fix it for you.
Congrats by the way.


Thank you...

THe truly scary part, looking forward to it. :)
 
2010-10-29 6:27:19 PM  
I have a pair of funny stories about me getting the shiat scared out of me (once almost literally).

First, I'm in the kitchen making pasta. It's my first time ever making the sauce completely from scratch. I've seeded canned tomatoes and reduced the canning liquid and I've been working for hours for a pot of spaghetti. It's hot in the kitchen and a cool night, so I have my second floor balcony window open. It's finally done, and I'm fixing up a plate.

And I glance over at the balcony as I'm sitting down and there's a 6'5" tall guy in grey fatigue pants and a military-green tshirt. Just standing halfway into my apartment. When I'm sitting there with a hot bowl of spaghetti in my hands.

It was my and my roommate's friend who was there to pick my roommate up for a night out. He had climbed up the balcony instead of just taking the stairs and knocking on the door. Freaked me the fark to see someone taller than me standing in my apartment.

SECOND STORY
I'm watching Paranormal Activity. It's about halfway over and kinda freaking me out but not so bad I can't pause it and walk to the bathroom. So I paused it and started walking down the dark hall to my bathroom.

If you haven't seen Paranormal Activity, there's this noise...sort of a bassy BRRRRRRMMMMMMMM noise that happens when something supernatural starts happening in the film. I have a fairly decent surround sound system, so it comes through crystal clear and shakes the floor.

I learned that night, while I was walking down that dark hallway with a full bladder trying to make it to the bathroom, that my AC makes the exact same noise when it turns on. Which it did. The MOMENT I walked past it.

Thankfully, it was only five more steps to the bathroom so I made it before I did anything too embarrassing.
 
2010-10-29 7:09:01 PM  

seventypercent: Well, I suppose it falls to me to end the snark and get started. This story isn't terribly scary, but it is true.

It is shortly before 5:30 PM on a crisp December evening. The sun has almost completely vanished below the horizon, though a few fading remnants of its feeble rays continue to cast the countryside in a gloomy, dim light. As I do on most weekdays, I slip out of my work clothes, don a sweatshirt and pair of nylon running pants, and lace up my running shoes. I do some brief stretching, and start out on my run.

My usual route takes me for a couple of miles through the small town in which I reside, and then takes me outside of it to run a couple of miles on the dark country highways on the town's periphery. Now, we can debate the relative intelligence of running alone on a deserted country highway in near-pitch-dark, but that can be left as a topic of discussion for another diary.

I was running down a long and gently-sloping hill, having gotten into a rhythm with my breathing, the motion of my arms, and the sounds of my Nike cross-trainers hitting the pavement.

That's when I saw it, or rather, heard it.

My first impression that something was wrong came when I began to hear a second set of footfalls. These footfalls were almost exactly synchronized with my own, coming at just a split-second after the moment that my feet hit the pavement. At first, I almost believed that this second set was somehow an echo of my own, despite the fact that there was no physical reason that such a phenomenon should exist.

However, these thoughts vanished completely when I looked up from my own feet and looked about ten yards down the road. There was something horrible crossing the road in front of me. I've been running for a long time, and I've encountered my share of critters. Dogs, raccoons, possums, skunks, mink, deer, even the occasional coyote -- all are common sights when out in the South Dakota countryside. But I could not begin to speculate as to what this was. In the almost-vanquished afternoon light, the thing looked distinctly bipedal. It was large, but not quite human-sized. I remember thinking to myself that I was looking at some sort of sick combination of Steven Spielberg's E.T. and Arthur Conan Doyle's pygmy cannibal Tonga.

I kept running, and soon got to the spot on the highway where the monstrosity (if monstrosity it was) had first stepped on it. The thing had not crossed the road perpendicular to my path, but instead had run across the road at a strange 45-degree angle. It had since vanished into the tall grasses on the other side of the road and headed down a slope. Its footprints, made evident by the wet grass and the dry pavement, were large and elongated, much like human footprints. Its footsteps, when I had been able to hear them, were dull thuds, unaccompanied by the typical "click-click" sound that you would normally hear from the toenails of a dog or a raccoon.

I simply continued to run -- what else was there to do? Within a matter of minutes, I was back in the streetlit confines of my town, and I kept the rest of the run on paths that afforded sufficient illumination. Upon returning home, I sat down at my computer and typed out the story that you are now reading.


/jarring chord
 
2010-10-29 9:04:03 PM  
It'll save time to just post my picture.
 
2010-10-29 9:10:51 PM  
The Page you requested is not found.

Use our Search box to find stories, or browse our Home page for the latest celebrity news.

dunn dunn DUNN!!!
 
2010-10-29 9:32:54 PM  
smbc-comics.comView Full Size
 
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