Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(onewed.com)   50 year old Valerie Bertinelli getting married for a second time. She wants her upcoming wedding to be small and inconspicuous. Just like her career   ( onewed.com) divider line
    More: Sappy, Valerie Bertinelli, engagement rings, Van Halen, People magazine  
•       •       •

5849 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 27 Jul 2010 at 12:50 AM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



80 Comments     (+0 »)
 


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2010-07-27 12:25:07 AM  
50 years old or not I would defile that woman until it took a team of priests to holify her enough for burial on Hallowed ground. I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it. It would be a cautionary tale for youngsters: "You be a good or Philoebedoe will Bertinelli you."
 
2010-07-27 12:40:32 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: 50 years old or not I would defile that woman until it took a team of priests to holify her enough for burial on Hallowed ground. I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it. It would be a cautionary tale for youngsters: "You be a good or Philoebedoe will Bertinelli you."


and likely all in a shorter time period than it took to type that post.
 
2010-07-27 12:48:56 AM  

NuttierThanEver: and likely all in a shorter time period than it took to type that post.


Hi-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
 
2010-07-27 12:51:49 AM  
Be nice, subby. She's still America's Sweetheart to me.
 
2010-07-27 12:53:20 AM  
How long before these "celeb is a loser/no-career/has-been" headlines officially get old?

Someone must love them because they are constantly greenlighted despite having zero cleverness or originality every time.

/take my wife, please...
 
2010-07-27 12:54:27 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it.


Golf clap. I intend to steal that line at the first opportunity.

Valerie is a sweetie. I'll be in my bunk, wishing her every happiness for her future.
 
2010-07-27 12:56:14 AM  
What did Valerie Bertinelli ever do to you?
 
2010-07-27 12:57:45 AM  
I'd skull fark her head in my van while it was hailin'
 
2010-07-27 12:59:18 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: 50 years old or not I would defile that woman until it took a team of priests to holify her enough for burial on Hallowed ground. I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it. It would be a cautionary tale for youngsters: "You be a good or Philoebedoe will Bertinelli you."


I'm 40. Single. No kids.

Do I matter you farking Farker!


I'm drunk but I have good grammar. ...or do I?
 
2010-07-27 01:01:07 AM  

carmody: Be nice, subby. She's still America's Sweetheart to me.


She doesn't get her period anymore, so there's that.
 
2010-07-27 01:04:21 AM  
I'd prong that so hard David Lee Roth would come.
 
2010-07-27 01:04:42 AM  
She was my generation's version of Annette Funicello, so lay off.

I would dress up as Shnieder and go fix her plumbing, one day at a time.
 
2010-07-27 01:06:50 AM  
Now we're picking on Valerie Bertanelli?


Fark, you need a hobby.
 
2010-07-27 01:08:54 AM  
imbringingbloggingback.comView Full Size


yum...
 
2010-07-27 01:23:18 AM  

Gangway Fathead: Now we're picking Licking on Valerie Bertanelli?


Fark, you need a hobby.


FTFY and that would be my hobby...
 
2010-07-27 01:34:46 AM  

Brick-House: yum...



*Cough*

Photoshop

Pixels and shiat.


*Cough*
 
2010-07-27 01:37:24 AM  
Remember when you were fifteen, with your friends and stoned. Eventually you'd have one of those "If you were stuck on a desert island and could only have five people with you, who would it be?" conversations.
Valerie has always been on my island list. She's just so damn yummy looking.

/Valerie, Christina Applegate, Daisy Fuentes, Ozzy and zombie Einstein (he's our Professor)
 
2010-07-27 02:00:32 AM  

Whatthefark
-

Most people only took albums. You took hostages?
 
2010-07-27 02:19:03 AM  

Dear Jerk: Whatthefark -

Most people only took albums. You took hostages?


Everyone threw flowers, you threw a grenade?

/What are we talking about?
 
2010-07-27 02:26:24 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it.


I am totally stealing this.

Also, 50 isn't all that old, especially when the source material is someone as ridiculously cute as Bertinelli.
 
2010-07-27 02:28:00 AM  
Fifty shmifty, she's still younger than I am.

/and still damn cute
 
2010-07-27 03:08:53 AM  
Don't know if anyone is watching the new sitcom with her, Betty White, et al, but it's surprisingly good.
 
2010-07-27 03:56:23 AM  
Hit it, I would.

/Fist of a God most angry
 
2010-07-27 03:56:43 AM  
Who?
 
2010-07-27 03:58:10 AM  
Her career may be small and inconspicuous, but she's made more money then most of us, I'll bet.
 
2010-07-27 04:34:07 AM  
Eddie lost on every front. he is stuck banging his brother.
 
2010-07-27 04:54:59 AM  
Link was freaking out my work-issued copy of IE 6.

But yeah, she's looking very fine lately.
 
2010-07-27 05:07:35 AM  
Valerie BertandErnie
/Love family guy
 
2010-07-27 05:14:08 AM  
I would give her the best two minutes she's ever experienced.
 
2010-07-27 05:47:21 AM  

Christian Bale: How long before these "celeb is a loser/no-career/has-been" headlines officially get old?

Someone must love them because they are constantly greenlighted despite having zero cleverness or originality every time.

/take my wife, please...


ISWYDT
 
2010-07-27 05:50:30 AM  

HumbleGenius: I would give her the best two minutes she's ever experienced.


Three times? Damn, wish I could do it three times.
 
2010-07-27 06:25:30 AM  

Christian Bale: How long before these "celeb is a loser/no-career/has-been" headlines officially get old?

Someone must love them because they are constantly greenlighted despite having zero cleverness or originality every time.

/take my wife, please...


I was genuinely shocked that this wasn't a headline submitted by everyone's favorite English major.

Having said that, I'm glad that it isn't his, but because FARK greenlights fifty of his submissions a farking day, people are trying to imitate him...so you get what we have here...which is the way the admins want it....welll...they gets it.

/I don't like it any more than you farkers...
 
2010-07-27 06:46:31 AM  

carmody: Be nice, subby. She's still America's Sweetheart to me.


She makes Sandra Bullock look like Michelle McGee.

/and fatty or thin, I'd hit it
 
2010-07-27 06:47:52 AM  

Brick-House: yum...


What the hell happened to her face? That doesn't look like her at all.
 
2010-07-27 07:01:53 AM  

Candygram for Mongo: HumbleGenius: I would give her the best two minutes she's ever experienced.

Three times? Damn, wish I could do it three times.


I was including time for conversation and foreplay.
 
2010-07-27 07:41:19 AM  

PhiloeBedoe: 50 years old or not I would defile that woman until it took a team of priests to holify her enough for burial on Hallowed ground. I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it. It would be a cautionary tale for youngsters: "You be a good or Philoebedoe will Bertinelli you."


The legend lives on
from Van Halen on down
'bout the hot chick they call Bertinelli
Valerie it is said,
never will go to bed
with a sad farker named Philoebedoe.

His post was the pride
of the TotalFark side
though the Liters were still just as horny
As Fark posts go,
it was more boastful than most
though it was still pretty funny.
 
2010-07-27 07:50:31 AM  

Stay Cool Babylon: PhiloeBedoe: I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it.

I am totally stealing this.

Also, 50 isn't all that old, especially when the source material is someone as ridiculously cute as Bertinelli.


You know, I don't normally sponsor farkers with your political leanings but I thought i'd see you once or twice in TFD. Much disappoint.

/agree with both the Gordon Lightfoot line and the 50 YO thing
 
2010-07-27 07:55:08 AM  
image3.examiner.comView Full Size


one fine fifty
 
2010-07-27 07:58:59 AM  

Madbassist1: Christian Bale: How long before these "celeb is a loser/no-career/has-been" headlines officially get old?

Someone must love them because they are constantly greenlighted despite having zero cleverness or originality every time.

/take my wife, please...

I was genuinely shocked that this wasn't a headline submitted by everyone's favorite English major.

Having said that, I'm glad that it isn't his, but because FARK greenlights fifty of his submissions a farking day, people are trying to imitate him...so you get what we have here...which is the way the admins want it....welll...they gets it.

/I don't like it any more than you farkers...


Wow, a mindless thread in the showbiz tab gets this post? What exactly do you expect to find here that you should find this thing so offensive.

/i like EM btw
 
2010-07-27 08:13:37 AM  
one fine fifty = millions of fine brush strokes...
 
2010-07-27 08:14:24 AM  

OtherLittleGuy: carmody: Be nice, subby. She's still America's Sweetheart to me.

She makes Sandra Bullock look like Michelle McGee.

/and fatty or thin, I'd hit it


...Attractive, but she comes off as a prude....

/i'd hit it even if I had to tie her up first
 
2010-07-27 08:34:22 AM  

Fra_dat_da: one fine fifty


Who the fark is that? That isn't Valerie Bertinelli.
 
2010-07-27 08:42:29 AM  
She's still pretty sweet, and still looks pretty good. But then again, this had her.

foxnews.comView Full Size
 
2010-07-27 08:45:07 AM  
I'd show her how babbies are formed.
 
2010-07-27 08:49:52 AM  

dittybopper: PhiloeBedoe: 50 years old or not I would defile that woman until it took a team of priests to holify her enough for burial on Hallowed ground. I'd wreck that so bad Gordon Lightfoot would write a song about it. It would be a cautionary tale for youngsters: "You be a good or Philoebedoe will Bertinelli you."

The legend lives on
from Van Halen on down
'bout the hot chick they call Bertinelli
Valerie it is said,
never will go to bed
with a sad farker named Philoebedoe.

His post was the pride
of the TotalFark side
though the Liters were still just as horny
As Fark posts go,
it was more boastful than most
though it was still pretty funny.


static.open.salon.comView Full Size


//Uh, thanks.. now I can't get that damn tune outta my head
 
2010-07-27 09:00:01 AM  

IamKaiserSoze!!!: Madbassist1: Christian Bale: How long before these "celeb is a loser/no-career/has-been" headlines officially get old?

Someone must love them because they are constantly greenlighted despite having zero cleverness or originality every time.

/take my wife, please...

I was genuinely shocked that this wasn't a headline submitted by everyone's favorite English major.

Having said that, I'm glad that it isn't his, but because FARK greenlights fifty of his submissions a farking day, people are trying to imitate him...so you get what we have here...which is the way the admins want it....welll...they gets it.

/I don't like it any more than you farkers...

Wow, a mindless thread in the showbiz tab gets this post? What exactly do you expect to find here that you should find this thing so offensive.

/i like EM btw


I don't find it offensive. What ever gave you that idea? It's not offensive, it's farking annoying, derivative, repetitive and god-awful stale. Not offensive, though.
 
2010-07-27 09:09:31 AM  

Madbassist1: I was genuinely shocked that this wasn't a headline submitted by everyone's favorite English major.

Having said that, I'm glad that it isn't his, but because FARK greenlights fifty of his submissions a farking day, people are trying to imitate him...so you get what we have here...which is the way the admins want it....welll...they gets it.

/I don't like it any more than you farkers...


Typical Doctor Who-related headline: Matt Smith sucks! And David Tennant is gay!!!
 
2010-07-27 09:11:48 AM  

Billy Ligue:
//Uh, thanks.. now I can't get that damn tune outta my head


Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when an earworm turns the minutes to hours?
The Farkers all say it'll continue all day
But hey, at least it ain't Robin Trower.
 
2010-07-27 09:14:57 AM  
Valerie has had a longer run in my top 10 than anyone but Raquel Welch.
 
2010-07-27 09:51:59 AM  
Of couse shes wearing black during the next wedding ceremony...She was married to the crypt keeper.
 
Displayed 50 of 80 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking





On Twitter



Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report