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23070 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jun 2003 at 1:39 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite   |   Watch    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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‘’ 2012-05-16 06:37:36 PM  
Speaking of money for illness, forgive me, but just in case any of you haven't seen it...

A Farker Needs Our Help

Alan/dj4aces is good people.
 
‘’ 2012-05-16 08:03:55 PM  
I have 3 kittens that need new homes.
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 08:36:10 AM  

leftyblonde: I have 3 kittens that need new homes.


Nope.
I have 2 that are being eaten by somthing.
Slowly.
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 08:38:24 AM  
the sarlacc?
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 11:21:53 AM  
Chinese roommate.
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 04:36:10 PM  
and by 2 you mean two college girls right? Were they hooking at walmart?
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 05:54:48 PM  
Eddie must be in rehab again.
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 11:05:04 PM  
Some troll in the Jane Fonda thread is getting his panties in a wad.
My job is done her for the evening.
I have a 8AM meet with the executive VP form my company about ch-ch-ch-changes.
Long haul from being a Baguette cook to this day on Fark.

I'd hit it.
 
‘’ 2012-05-17 11:19:32 PM  
I wanna give a shout out to all my Fark nigs and nigettes.
Jyeah. You know how we do.
 
‘’ 2012-05-18 08:04:01 PM  
All these years, and aeons, and time travel still makes me puke.
 
‘’ 2012-05-19 11:17:43 AM  
Just weighed in at 169#. Of course, I just ran a half marathon, but I haven't seen that side of 170 since the last time I had food poisoning (and for the same reason: dehydration).

/water!
 
‘’ 2012-05-19 11:11:00 PM  
Beer. Home after being at a redneck wedding all day.
The bride's mother wore a backless, sequined, no, Rhinestoned black velvet uh... not an evening gown, more like a pile of gaudy crap, and and ankle monitor and open sores on her arms. The senile priest read from the book of 1980 US Census Bureau's statistics on marriage. The bride and groom's three children where in the wedding party. The VFW hall was awash with a buffet of quite firm new England style baked beans, ambrosia salad, veggie platters from the grocery store, and crock pots of mac and cheese, meatballs, and hotdogs. Oh, and one had elbow mac goulash in it. There was a tossed salad and a couple of bottles of dollar store ranch and Italian dressing. The band was my neighbor's, as it was his brother getting hitched. The bride's family was colorful. By colorful, I mean inked. Heavily.
Poorly. Oddly, I happened to run into an old acquaintance, who is a retired member of a Harley Davidson MC, and when I met him he always wore his chapter colors. That's why I almost didn't recognize him. He's the Uncle of the POS that married the prettiest little hillbilly of a woman-chile I ever had the experience of watching grow up, and move away. Surprisingly, he was in the bride's party and clean and sober. 25 years now. The bartender I tipped profusely and she had a heavy pour but facing that crowd, I felt a couple a few Tanqueray and Tonics at $10 a pop after tip was a bargain. The children were unparented, and the adults were surprisingly well behaved. Mostly because you couldn't drink outside, and you couldn't smoke inside. Rednecks tend to lose control when they already have two hands full. That's when they think they can grow and extra set of arms and kick ass with them.
I had a DD, so I had as many as I wanted. I ate light, because I wanted to strren clear of food poisoning, but still had an empty stomach when I cot there, so chips, crackers and cheese, some olives, and broccoli and over cooked meat sufficed.
If there really were fashion police out there, they would have called in a swat team. Why do the ugly, skanky looking chicks think a wedding is a slutwalk? *shivers*
Really fat? Wear this mini dress that shows off your luxurious cankles and the cellulite on your ample gams. SO skinny that crack whores think your anorexic? By all means, the third hand prom dress you got at the yard sale in the free bin at the creepy old transvestite's trailer will be a bold statement. Never mind those stains. It was free, sister, and you look mahvelous. Besides, it's polyester and will burn real good in the trash barrel out back once your biker boyfriend rips it off of you tonight while you do rough sex.
nttatwwt.

Anyway, I'm home. It's late.
And no one got punched, except some kids, so it was al in all a good wedding in the hills of Vermont.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 07:00:14 AM  
what? no video on you tube?
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 07:07:04 AM  
Maybe Fb, later.
Maybe.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 10:57:54 AM  
Maybe tits
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 05:41:32 PM  
I'm only here for the complimentary newspaper, and tits.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 07:01:27 PM  
you do have a nice set
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 08:04:16 PM  
*Drives bye*......*crashes*...
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 10:31:04 PM  
We had memes at the reception, too.
We had a 8 month preggo smoking and biatching about construction noise.
We had mullets.
We had a guy who looked like a Game Of Thrones extra with a HD tee shirt on.
There was a huge retard, and I say this with clarity. He kid was in a tux, with a ball cap on, breathing through his mouth. He looked like Patrick from the Sponge Bob series.
There was one ugly chick with a moking hot body. A true butterface.
There was an Asian woman who looked smokin' hot, but had like three kids, and was peeling off her dress down to her cut off jeans, and ended up looking like any other chick riding a tractor.
There were tweens with too much make up, and fatties with 3 plates of food. Like I believe you filled those for the three infants you're nursing, and you just swap them out like a revolving trough.
There were cupcakes, and one grocery store "wedding" cake and cow bells.
Did I mention the cow bells?
Apparently, they found some plastic flatwear that was dipped to look like silverwear (yes, it was policed up for a dish washing after) so in order to cue the happy couple that we wanted to see them kiss (*shudders*) we had these little cowbells on the tables.
And tubes of bubble makers.
And sachets of candy.
And monogrammed match books.
And little plastic "crystals" like diamonds, and little plastic rings entwined, one plain and one with a plastic diamond shape.
It. Was. Hideous.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 10:36:21 PM  
I still can't sleep.
You have no idea what it's like to have to go outside while the Beatles are butchered in multiple keys, and have a skinney moley, fetal alcohol syndromed construction flagger tell you "I. Just. Want. to. have One. Slow.dance. With . you."
While trying not to puke on your shoes, which you won't because you paid for those drinks. And by God, you are not going to spill them after you wolfed them down.

*Shudders*
The Horror.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 10:45:31 PM  
Driving home, the kids are all cranked up on the candy, popping balloons in the back seat and blowing bubbles in the car.
They want to go swimming, because it's finally over 70o out, but the steams are still ice melt from the mountains, but the parents let them.
They go from rosy cheeks to blue lipped in 5 minutes.
Then they are cold and soggy, in their car seats, sticky from candy and still hopped up.
I want to run. But I can't. I have a DD and a 12 pack of beer in a cooler and I'm along for the ride.
The kids want to stop for creemees. Just what they need. Moar sugar. Sugar for the sugar gods.
Sugar for the pure energy of it. They are like sugar vampires. Zombies on adrenaline, begging for another fix. They are obliged. We wait for the crash. It never happens. Home, They want to hit the pool. The pool that was filled with spring water only yesterday. It's 65o in there but those little skinny bastards are junior Navy Faking Seals, and cranked on sugar and nothing is stopping them. They splash, in and out, and tramp coldly and wet through out the house, leaving grass clippings and mud in their wake. I'm happy not to be a breeder, but have a headache from the noise.
The clamor of the brood. They parade inside, grabbing handfuls of chips and shouting.
I want to kill.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 10:47:01 PM  
/Brought to you by Trojan Brand condoms.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 11:03:25 PM  
Nice...psycho..or some shiat.
 
‘’ 2012-05-20 11:04:22 PM  
/mashed obviously
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 12:47:17 AM  
Vudu's posts make my Sunday evening special.
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 06:11:30 AM  
LinkedIn has me spamming the world.

I just spammed myself.

/spambot
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 08:57:40 AM  
Hormel Foods Inc., the makers of Spam, resent the implication, and the ongoing association of their wholesome food product with the epidemic of unsolicited commercial emails, even though it be in name only. Having some amount of internet savvy, they realize that a simple Cease and Desist will result in the generation of much negative publicity. To wit, they have decided to discontinue the manufacture of their pork-based products (Spam) and will instead begin the manufacture of wholesome food products based upon other meats. Soon, on your grocer's shelves, you will be able to find:

Speef
Spurkey
Sprimp
Sprab
Spobster
Spofu (for the health-conscious)
Spepperoni
Spalami
Spologna
Spalmon
Spalibut
Spausage
Spacon (this should be interesting)
Spatback
Spicken
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 01:15:50 PM  
lol

BLAH!
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 03:00:47 PM  
so the owner paid $700K for this boat and is selling it for $200K....now that (to me) is a MAJOR farking.


pops:
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 04:07:37 PM  
You know if someone could just come up with reliable penis enlargement...
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 04:22:58 PM  

knobglobbler55: so the owner paid $700K for this boat and is selling it for $200K....now that (to me) is a MAJOR farking.


pops:


Welcome to the wonderful world of boating.
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 04:49:06 PM  
what good would a bigger penis do me? there would just be more of me to fail

/wah-wah
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 05:29:38 PM  
Bought any decent watches lately Jax?
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 05:45:23 PM  
you can WATCH THIS RIGHT 'ERE!

ay! oh!
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 07:02:23 PM  

HAMMERTOE:
Speef
Spurkey
Sprimp
Sprab
Spobster
Spofu (for the health-conscious)
Spepperoni
Spalami
Spologna
Spalmon
Spalibut
Spausage
Spacon (this should be interesting)
Spatback
Spicken


What, no Spcrapple?
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 07:03:04 PM  
Wait, I think I spy what their astute marketing team did already.
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 07:22:00 PM  

czmilosz: Bought any decent watches lately Jax?


Well, since you asked.

img.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 07:35:35 PM  
oyster, eh?

a shucker born every minute
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 09:44:56 PM  

HAMMERTOE: Soon, on your grocer's shelves, you will be able to find:


You forgot "Spuck"
 
‘’ 2012-05-21 09:45:47 PM  
and Spiver
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 06:47:55 AM  
And Spead Cheese
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 08:08:40 AM  
that's a cool watch
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 09:20:14 AM  
and sperm
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 09:55:43 AM  
oh yeah, this is why i don't drink anymore

/day 0
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 10:44:25 AM  
Spunt?
Spoobies!
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 10:52:07 AM  
spick
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 10:52:44 AM  
spurt post
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 11:46:26 AM  

Jaxom: knobglobbler55: so the owner paid $700K for this boat and is selling it for $200K....now that (to me) is a MAJOR farking.
pops:
Welcome to the wonderful world of boating.


I took Thurs off, all these big old ships are gonna be docked in town, take the bike and mrs and check 'em out.

op sail
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 11:59:39 AM  
Now that is cool knob. All the depreciation is gone from those ships.
 
‘’ 2012-05-22 12:08:37 PM  
They usually have something like that here in Chicago, too. But I don't see a schedule. I know they usually have 2 or 3 that around most of the summer. Are you going to sail on any of them Knob? Or do they only do the docked tour of the boats?
 
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