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(CNN) NewsFlash U.S. lowers terror threat level from "we're all gonna die" to "I wonder what Clinton's penis has been up to lately"   ( cnn.com) divider line
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5466 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 May 2003 at 3:59 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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130 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-05-30 04:01:04 PM  
what has it been up to?
2003-05-30 04:01:07 PM  
you may return your duct tape and plastic to the store ladiest and gentlemen
2003-05-30 04:01:50 PM  
"lowered" to "elevated"...
2003-05-30 04:02:18 PM  
Its funny cuz its true.
2003-05-30 04:02:39 PM  
sO MANY CoLoRS. i THINK I am havin an acid flashback.
2003-05-30 04:02:42 PM  
Yeah, it's been pretty quiet on the Clinton's penis front lately. What's with that?
2003-05-30 04:03:51 PM  
Why do you build me up buttercup baby just to let me down?
2003-05-30 04:03:59 PM  
I would like to take this moment to thank the people who developed the terror alert system. It has provided me with more flame wars than any other invention.
2003-05-30 04:04:19 PM  
ditto to GregoryD
2003-05-30 04:05:16 PM  
Am I the only one who thinks the alert system is retarded?
2003-05-30 04:05:26 PM  
"I wonder what Clinton's penis has been up to lately"

I don't even want to know what color that is.
2003-05-30 04:05:38 PM  
The color raising or lowering has no affect on me whatsoever, since I am colorblind.

[image from posteffects.com too old to be available]

2003-05-30 04:05:38 PM  
[image from harttoys.com too old to be available]?
2003-05-30 04:05:46 PM  
No one understands these terror warnings. As far as I'm concerned, it's always on "High"

/ Vovak for President 2004
2003-05-30 04:06:26 PM  
no bosstweed, me too.

i didnt see a threat level on 9/11/01. gee, anybody happen to think terrorists attack when you LEAST expect them too?

i dont recall any warnings for the morocco and saudi arabia attacks.....
2003-05-30 04:06:34 PM  
Good to hear.. I have to travel to DC next week. Glad to know I won't be inconvienced by the effort of looking out for my own personal safety and all.
2003-05-30 04:07:23 PM  
So was it reduced because a) the press isn't talking about Cheney's old company getting a ginormous contract without any competition b) the Tax cut passed or c) all the above?
2003-05-30 04:07:52 PM  
[image from reelefx.com too old to be available]

terror alert: taste the rainbow.
2003-05-30 04:07:52 PM  
its easy for people to make fun of this stuff, especially the mean spirited FARK crowd, but I have family on a boat over there. If the terror alert is high, they can extend his stay from six months to nine months. Not only does that mean i dont get to see my brother, but he would miss the birth of his child. So really, this is good news for some people.
2003-05-30 04:08:02 PM  
I'll only panic when it gets to "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO ALLAH!" level.
2003-05-30 04:09:09 PM  
The alert system would be cool if it had a protocol, somewhat like TIME (RFC 838). You could request from a government server the current TTL (Terror Threat Level, not Time To Live, you dorky geeks).

The best part about it is that we could have somone hack intot he machines and fark with it, set it to "super-ultra-violet-red," and signal nuclear arrmageddon. It would be great to sit in your room and watch the media and people run around frantically trying to figure out what to do. In the mean time, you would be sitting back in your LAZBoy smoking a cuban cigar.

. . .

What? what're staring at? Move along.
2003-05-30 04:10:07 PM  
"what has it been up to?"

About eight inches, I think.

2003-05-30 04:10:31 PM  
USA Today seems to like it.
2003-05-30 04:10:36 PM  
Oh! Well that explains why I feel safer now.
2003-05-30 04:16:50 PM  
You don't wanna know what happens when we hit fuschia.

(Someone please correct this butchered Jon Stewart line)
2003-05-30 04:17:44 PM  
In other news, the Apathy Threat Alert has been elevated to a lovely burnt umberish kind of tone.

Why is this making the news while I've seen very little information today on possible Democratic Presidential candidate Kucinich saying he would legalize ganja for medicinal purposes?
2003-05-30 04:18:18 PM  
If I lived with Hillary my penis woundn't be up to a damn thing
2003-05-30 04:18:26 PM  
Terror alerts are only for people who choose to live in fear.
2003-05-30 04:19:48 PM  
"especially the mean spirited FARK crowd"

uhhhh, so let me get this straight, farkers are mean spirited because they mock this alert system which has nothing to do with public safety, but is in its entirety a smoke and mirror trick to guide the national focus towards something other than the fact that our king and his merry men are farking with the world so the richest and most powerful get cheap oil and pay no taxes... gotcha.

That having been said, I do honestly wish that your family reunites soon. That must be difficult.
2003-05-30 04:19:59 PM  
Not in New York City, though, where we have always been here:

[image from whybiotech.com too old to be available]
2003-05-30 04:20:40 PM  
Should read:

"Terror threat has been lowered to "
2003-05-30 04:23:15 PM  
Should read:

"Terror threat has been lowered to HULKAMANIA YELLOW, BROTHER!!! WHATCHA GONNA DO????????"
2003-05-30 04:24:49 PM  
Lowered from "We Told Ya So" Orange to "Cover Your Ass" Yellow...?
2003-05-30 04:24:54 PM  
First of, kind of hilarious headline.

Secondly, can we talk about how redonkadonk this color system is?

What's that smell? Smells like, like, like fear-mongering to me!
2003-05-30 04:25:02 PM  
I'd say the folks out on deployment have a different alert system.

It's not the Terror Alert System.

It's the "What Country's Next?" betting pool.

Let's see. We told the Marines the quicker they got to Baghdad, the quicker they'd get home. But then we asked them to police Baghdad and now Rummy wants 20,000 more troops to help.

We still have troops holed up in Kabul. They can't move because the roads are mined and every time they go to clear the mines, they take fire from snipers.

I have buddies over there too. I don't think they'll be home for a while.
2003-05-30 04:26:05 PM  
Though we argue, i have to say:

"Terror Alert: Taste the Rainbow" was. the. best. post. ever.
2003-05-30 04:26:28 PM  
Lowered from "That damn Iran" Orange to "These tax cuts are just super!" Yellow.

/God I hate our government.
2003-05-30 04:27:18 PM  
I am sorry to see the terror level dropped.

At work, we get armed guards patrolling the parking lot when it's red. Sweet!
2003-05-30 04:27:35 PM  

That sucks. I have a couple, too. They all feel like they're wasting their farking time.

I can only say that I agree.
2003-05-30 04:27:38 PM  
Wait, we took care of that North Korea thing?
Was I asleep?
2003-05-30 04:28:24 PM  
I have to agree with Weemill. I never agree with Vroom, but that shiat is funny.
2003-05-30 04:28:30 PM  
Mission Accomplished!

Kinda. Except for the defeating terrorism part.
2003-05-30 04:29:42 PM  

thankya sir. at least we agree on the humor of the terror alert system.
2003-05-30 04:29:44 PM  
05-30-03 04:23:15 PM Wintermute

Should read:

"Terror threat has been lowered to HULKAMANIA YELLOW, BROTHER!!! WHATCHA GONNA DO????????"

Hulk Hogan is no more. He has transmogrified into Mr. America.

"Whatcha gonna do, brother, dude, when these 24 inch Patriots roll over you???!! Dude!"

2003-05-30 04:30:49 PM  
You guys are funny and I am happy about that.

Carry on.
2003-05-30 04:32:06 PM  
"HULKAMANIA YELLOW".... The Hulk movie coming out soon will feature a Hulk whose size changes (from 9 to 15 feet) depending on his rage and also his colorization. I am soooo looking forward to this flick.
2003-05-30 04:32:34 PM  
"So really, this is good news for some people."

are you serious? It goes up and down by the week. Hope he uses that college money.
2003-05-30 04:32:42 PM  
I think that was the worst tag line I have heard here
2003-05-30 04:32:56 PM  
There are some people out there who should get freebie articles posted just because one headline was so damn good. This person is one of them.
2003-05-30 04:33:28 PM  
Cynicali: Excellent, bravo, thank you. Well said.

Might also add that it's a wonderful CYA tool for Those In Charge... instead of answering tough questions like, "how did three commercial aircraft get hijacked and crashed into public buildings without any intervention from the military", they can say:

"What do you expect? We were on ORANGE ALERT... wait! Is that Laci Peterson?"
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