Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Smoking Gun)   Scans of L.A. Zoo animal attack reports   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

4418 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Oct 2001 at 11:11 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

28 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-10-05 11:18:29 AM  
I like the cryptic "All I see is Butt all day!" report.
2001-10-05 11:27:03 AM  
Speaking as an ex-elephant trainer at the St.Louis Zoo, let me tell you that there is sooooo much that goes on behind the scenes, it would floor you. In fact, the first thing they do when you quit/retire, is have you sign a non-disclosure agreement stating that you cannot talk about ANYTHING that happened to you during your tenure at the Zoo.


Let me tell you about the time......
2001-10-05 11:31:14 AM  
The absolute best is the patron complaint that her daughter got dirty at the playground because another kid had a diarrea attack. Eww.
2001-10-05 11:32:09 AM  
do y'all remember that video of the dude standing behind an elephant trying to clean his cage, and the elephant backs up/tries to sit down and the guy's head goes RIGHT UP HIS ASS?

I know it's a side comment, but that video still makes me crack up.
2001-10-05 11:35:05 AM  
A funny, close second place... A gorilla flung his waste, landing in my baby's stroller.


That'd suck soooo bad.
2001-10-05 11:36:46 AM  
is it a coincidence that alot of the zoo employees had to take the weekend off after their "injuries"

i wonder how many people used this excuse to go to the FARK party
2001-10-05 11:37:00 AM  
Larsoncc, but did you read the one about the dude ("I and Family", as he puts it) who went to the LA Zoo to get a picture of a Dingo, and when he got there it was gone. that is farking funny as shiat! reminds me of the Griswalds and National Lampoon's Vacation.

"Sorry Folks! Park's Closed... The Moose outside should have told you that."
2001-10-05 11:38:35 AM  
At the Springfield MO zoo they had a breeding program for thier African elephants. They had to use a giant collector condom and a machine to do the dirty work. If the machine wasn't working things had to be done -er manually.
Oh and the elephants could easily become unpleasant if upset.
2001-10-05 11:52:12 AM  
I remember about 10 years ago 2 kids broke into a zoo in N.Y. after hours.One of the kids crawled into the polar bear enclosure,got mauled ,and was found the next day.The zoo had to put the polar bears down,which was unfortunate because this idiot kid got what he deserved.I would of sued the parents for endangering the life of the son and the polar bears.
2001-10-05 11:52:51 AM  
Hold it Jungus: You are in posession of carnal knowledge..
2001-10-05 11:54:54 AM  
LOL...Best quote from the biting reports to me was from supervisor comment area...(#6)
"Keeper should never have put fingers into animal area - she is experienced enough to know this - MORE SAFETY TALKS CANNOT REPLACE COMMON SENSE" [emphasis mine]
As a former manager/supervisor, I couldn't agree more.
2001-10-05 12:00:16 PM  
I like the guy complaining that his wife was stung by 1 bee!

And his idea, do not allow patrons to eat in the picnic area.

HAHAHAHA....what a moron!

What are you going to do release the dogs, with bees in their mouth? So when they bark they shoot bees at you?
2001-10-05 12:08:47 PM  
we were talking about the report where the gorilla broke a patron's glasses when threw a pebble at him. Personally, I think that though poop throwing is to be expected, that it should be the zoo's responsibility to replace the guy's glasses. Do you?
2001-10-05 12:14:51 PM  
I live in Los Angeles and I have heard stories of that the LA Zoo used to be like before I moved here 2yrs ago...apparently the Polar Bear "Habitat" had all the acouchments of the "Polar Landscape" - complete with the rocks they PAINTED WHITE! Gotta love a Zoo that is run by the old FX guys from RKO Pictures...LOL
2001-10-05 12:19:30 PM  
When I go to the zoo I expect the monkeys to throw their dung. It's the main reason I go.
If only they wore fezs.
2001-10-05 12:22:48 PM  
Jungus: elephant breeding, pah! Real Men do artificial tiger insemination. As if getting the stuff weren't bad enough, the female tiger only ovulates when stimulated by the bristly penis of the male. So a zoo vet has to creep up behind a female tiger armed with a dollop of tiger jizz and a toilet brush, all the while praying that she hasn't got a headache that night...
2001-10-05 12:23:11 PM  
oopsie. sorry for the shouting...
2001-10-05 12:43:23 PM  
...when caged animals attack. Film at eleven....
2001-10-05 01:07:37 PM  
"Why is your nose bleeding?"
"Oh it's nothing, just... ibis.... beak... (unintelligible)..."
2001-10-05 01:37:30 PM  
Accident explanation:
I was wearing a bright orange rain gear, and held a metal trash lid up over my head [...] pecked me once on my head, and flew away.

Supervisor's assesment:
Perhaps employee should not wear rain gear.
2001-10-05 03:47:38 PM  
Cavaradossi: Granted it is a more fearsome animal, the male elephant one sounds a bit more tricky. Pardon the pun.
2001-10-05 03:49:25 PM  
Something tells me its all happening at the zoo
2001-10-05 04:19:17 PM  
Peeler -

I still tell your elephant/pigeon story around the office every so often. That was some funny shiat.
2001-10-05 04:46:37 PM  
AYE now i'm gonna put my thumb it's bum .... OH BOY ITS PISSED
2001-10-05 04:47:29 PM  
in its.... grrr
2001-10-05 04:54:06 PM  
Here we have the dangerous and beautiful Tiger...truly one of the most dangerous felines in all the world. Weighting upwards of 1200lbs, it's razor sharp claws can shred a person in one swipe! Let's see what happens when I give it a swift kick in the testicles!
2001-10-05 04:55:26 PM  
Slacky: "What are you going to do release the dogs, with bees in their mouth? So when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

Oh good god! That's my favorite Simpson's quote.
2001-10-05 06:58:05 PM  
Gidget hat ein drucksvolle Wurst? Ich habe ein Wurst, aber ich wisse nicht was "drucksvolle" ist. Gidget, koennen Sie mir hilfen?
Displayed 28 of 28 comments

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.