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(some girl)   Farkette explodingfruit is running for class president. Help her come up with some witty campaign slogans to take down the competition   ( images.google.com) divider line
    More: Advice  
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5783 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 May 2003 at 12:36 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

181 Comments     (+0 »)
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2003-05-20 01:03:38 AM  
Promise to take a dump on stage at the assembly to announce the winner
2003-05-20 01:03:40 AM  
Vote for me and I'll SET YOU FREE!

(it worked in my highschool elections....in 1985)
2003-05-20 01:05:53 AM  
"If the glove don't fit, you must acquit."
"Eatin' ain't cheatin'/Chewin' ain't screwin'."
2003-05-20 01:07:23 AM  
"I am not Pym"
2003-05-20 01:07:40 AM  
"If you were running for Student Body President, I'd vote for you!"

or a simple

"Let's go punch some hippies" campaign
2003-05-20 01:08:35 AM  

"Mr. T here, foo', and I'm going to tell you how ExplodingFruit helped my ass into the president's seat. She told me to put my big gold jewelry on eBay, then take the funds and invest them in a college education. Now, $1,207,043.21 and a Harvard Law Degree later, I'm set to pity foo's from the White House itself!

Be like Mr. Drugs, listen to Exploding Fruit, and don't do T!"
2003-05-20 01:08:38 AM  
Vote For Me
"If I win the election, I'll throw a ten-kegger at the pad!"
2003-05-20 01:10:27 AM  
it doesn't matter if you vote for me, i will sue until i am prez and for 2.5 mil
2003-05-20 01:14:16 AM  
i dont know. mention the fact that you like it in the ass. youve got my vote!
2003-05-20 01:16:28 AM  
2003-05-20 01:16:43 AM  
Vote for me! ...or I'll kick y'all in the nuts!
2003-05-20 01:18:14 AM  
I know many of you and many of you know me, And I know many of you know that I know many of the answers to the problems that face us in this day and age of uncertainty and doubt: Why there is air, a cogent economic rationale for massive tax cuts, where the WMD are stashed, what "is" really is, but... I cannot answer one deeply disturbing question; My fellow classmates, why does my oppenent hate America?
2003-05-20 01:18:37 AM  
"I'm PRO kitten killing!"
2003-05-20 01:19:01 AM  
I once won with, "Does it really matter?"
2003-05-20 01:19:37 AM  
Don't say "lockbox". You'll lose.
2003-05-20 01:21:29 AM  
*sigh* This is what I did in college instead of padding my resume with pretending I could actually do something to change the administration's opinions:


It was more fun and certainly more honest.

And bob help me if the link doesn't show up properly, I'll eat my W3C reference. *finds the ketchup*
2003-05-20 01:21:33 AM  
"You might as well vote for me. By as early as next year it won't matter one little bit, since this is all meaningless crap that has no purpose beyond school."
2003-05-20 01:22:56 AM  
Explodingfruit for President:"All your votes are belong to me."

If that doesn't win it for you, I don't know what will.
2003-05-20 01:22:57 AM  
I won BASED on slogans... three years running in high school. Papered the whole damn school with them. A couple hundred, when everything was said and done. My favorite?


My favorite for three reasons:
1) Totally inappropriate.
2) Totally not true.
3) Totally represented everything I stood for.
Hey, _I_ won. You can use it. It's a secret weapon.
2003-05-20 01:24:02 AM  
"Vote for me, or you'll pay.... You'll all pay!!!"
then start foaming at the mouth. works every single time. (not that i've tried, or anything...)

2003-05-20 01:24:30 AM  
I'm going to Punctuation Hell. Oops, I'm already there!
2003-05-20 01:29:11 AM  
Damn the tents son, I'm alredy HERE. Does I! sens'e, any: make?

2003-05-20 01:35:15 AM  
05-20-03 01:08:35 AM Krapitino

"Mr. T here, foo', and I'm going to tell you how ExplodingFruit helped my ass into the president's seat. She told me to put my big gold jewelry on eBay, then take the funds and invest them in a college education. Now, $1,207,043.21 and a Harvard Law Degree later, I'm set to pity foo's from the White House itself!

Be like Mr. Drugs, listen to Exploding Fruit, and don't do T!"

Just trying to help
2003-05-20 01:35:58 AM  
[image from i-mockery.com too old to be available]
2003-05-20 01:37:53 AM  
one vote. one blowjob.
2003-05-20 01:38:48 AM  
You'll probably never get this, but I've got the answer:

I sh*t you not, once my best friend and I went to Staples, bought a giant roll, and started handing it out yelling, "Vote for James!" People love that crap, and then the constant sound of bubble wrap popping is a constant campaign boost.

Also, I'm from Indiana, and they loved his campaign speech about the Dukes of Hazard. Rather than speaking about what he would do if elected, he told them about how, as a kid, he forced his mom to let him enter the family car through the window. He won--big time.
2003-05-20 01:38:57 AM  
Didn't they try something like this in Degrassi Junior High?
2003-05-20 01:40:30 AM  
"I bet Malcolm Jamal Warner would vote for me!"
2003-05-20 01:41:15 AM  
just make a big poster with a huge-ass pic of domokun, and under say:

'Vote for ________'
2003-05-20 01:45:30 AM  
Vote for me! Try the veal! I'll be here all week!
2003-05-20 01:49:47 AM  
I can't come up with anything, but I liked this one that someone at my school used:
2003-05-20 01:50:34 AM  
Simple is always the best:

Explodingfruit. This time, why not the worst?
2003-05-20 01:53:34 AM  
explodingfruit Proudly Endorses explodingfruit For President.
2003-05-20 01:55:48 AM  
How about "I know you don't care who wins, but I really really want to get into a good college and I don't trust my SAT scores."
2003-05-20 01:57:48 AM  
Are you against the molestation of starving children by their alcoholic step-parents? Me too. Vote for me.
2003-05-20 01:57:48 AM  
Boobies! You want 'em. I got 'em.
Vote for me.
2003-05-20 02:03:08 AM  
If elected, I promise to invade a small oil-rich third world country of your choosing.
2003-05-20 02:06:44 AM  
I'm not wearing any underwear.

Free the mullet.

Becuase I won't show up to commencement drunk off my ass and make you all say the pledge of allegiance twice, thereby pissing of the anal retentive color guard. You heard me ROTC!

Or deliver your entire campaign speech thingy through a sock puppet. Make that a surly, inebriated, mudslinging, vulgar sock puppet. Name him Julian.
2003-05-20 02:08:36 AM  
Seriously, Arcadum, how does one do that? We need to know.
2003-05-20 02:11:06 AM  
Vote for me or the kitten gets it!
2003-05-20 02:13:49 AM  
Or, use a classic:

[image from 4president.org too old to be available]

No matter how you feel about Tricky Dick, you gotta admit the slogan is wonderfully, perfectly vague.
2003-05-20 02:14:16 AM  
[image from theatlantic.com too old to be available]
2003-05-20 02:17:55 AM  
Around the time of the whole BJ in the White House fiasco, my friend made posters of Clinton and Monica Lewinsky and had the caption "Don't blow it, vote for Simon." Long story short, he was kicked out of the elections.
2003-05-20 02:19:06 AM  
Explodingfruit in 2003: Less class, more ass.
2003-05-20 02:20:25 AM  
Move ahead...get head...its all good
2003-05-20 02:27:40 AM  
I'll put the ASS back in CLASS PRESIDENT
2003-05-20 02:29:19 AM  
Just wear duct tape?
2003-05-20 02:30:16 AM  
I ran for ASB presdent of my school, my platform: reasons why NOT to vote for me. The entire auditorium erupted in laughter. I took second, and didn't win, but it still rocked.

Oh! write your speech out on toilet paper, and when you start your speech, say "I had a hard time thinking of things to say in my speech, so i went to the only place were i could think properly" or something to that extent. And then proceed to read your speech off a roll of toilet paper.
2003-05-20 02:35:37 AM  
"Kill baby seals...

Not for fur, but for fun!"
2003-05-20 02:36:33 AM  
Here's one that always works:

"Read my lips: NO NEW TAXES!!!!"

"If elected to office, I will reduce the deficit, lower income tax, reduce inflation, crack down on crime, promote family values, blahblahblah..."

- Name three hated teachers/admin as "The Axis of Evil"

- Tell everyone you're wildly popular on the "wildly popular FARK.com"

- Call yourself a "Woman of Mass Destruction"

- Blow up the schoolbus as a political statement

- Threaten to declare a fatwa on fat people who still eat at McDonald's

- "If elected, I will declare 4:20pm of every school day an hour smoke(up) break." (the stoners won't realize classes usually don't go on till then, so you're safe)

- "Resistance is futile." (works better if you look like Jeri Ryan)

- "Turn on, tune in... and drop OUT!"

- "...I ran for class prez but then I got high / I coulda been a winner but then I got high / And if I don't graduate, I will know why-hy-hy / 'Cuz I got high, 'cuz I got high, 'cuz I got high..." (with props to Afroman)

- "To not vote for me is UnAmerican."

- "ExplodingFruit Uber Alles." or alternately "ExplodingFruit Macht Frei" (depending on how tasteless you want to be)

- "Slackers of the School, Unite!"

- "Mock The Vote!"

- "You say you want a re-vo-lu-shu-un, well, you know, it's gonna be alright..."

- "A vote for me is a vote for democracy!"

Hey, it worked for Bush (any of them).

Number one method to gain mass popularity?

Invade Iraq. ;)
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