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(StonedGecko)   Drive-by shooting etiquette. Add your own (with voting)   ( stonedgecko.com) divider line
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17600 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 May 2003 at 4:06 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

103 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-05-04 10:31:13 PM  
Peter: Don't worry about it. I've got it all figured out. We'll move to England. The worst they have there is drive-by.. arguments.
Englishman: I say, Jeremy, isn't that Reginald B Stifworth, The young chap who's been touting the merits of a united European commonwealth?
Jeremy: Why yes, I believe it is.
Englishman: Oh, let's get him! "Oh Reginald. I disagree." (they speed off)
2003-05-04 11:02:12 PM  
"Ettiquite"? What's that, someting that is "quite an etty"?

I think you mean "etiquette"!
2003-05-04 11:03:25 PM  
And, BTW, where's the voting you talk about?
2003-05-04 11:26:38 PM  
This reminds me of a time where me and my homies were just kickin it in the crib, and all of a sudden two bloods just bust in the door and are all "Hands up mothafarka!" Then they just start spraying the room with bullets!! That was SO rude! My boys Glock-9 and T-zizzie-cragdangle are all like "what the fark, you dumb sucka?!" They were just as offended! I mean, if you're going to come in and shoot up my house, please knock!
2003-05-05 03:22:19 AM  
Never shoot whites after labor day.
2003-05-05 03:49:15 AM  
"Drive by shooting" and "ettiquite" go together like- oh wait they don't. Let's not make jokes about murder and violent street crime.
2003-05-05 04:11:34 AM  
I am horrified at myself for thinking that article was hysterically funny.
2003-05-05 04:14:38 AM  
Wow, this article's the action.
2003-05-05 04:19:52 AM  

If you honestly feel that way, this (www.fark.com) is probably not the website for you... Making fun of inappropriate things is practically its reason for existance.
2003-05-05 04:23:47 AM  
Never shoot whites after labor day.
2003-05-05 04:33:13 AM  
http://www.drivebyshooting.com is apparently for sale, just like the article said. Go figure.
2003-05-05 04:33:56 AM  
Man, today is not Dre day.
2003-05-05 04:35:08 AM  
"Drive by strangling"
Absolute genius
2003-05-05 04:35:32 AM  
Here's my own...

Drive By Etiquette for Dummies:

The first rule of a Drive by Shooting is to have an experienced "Shooter". The "Shooter" must be able to hit the target. You do not want an exchange to happen as demonstrated by the following dialogue.

Driver: There he is, there's that mo'fo! Shoot him dawg!
(Gun Shots)
Victim: Oh God, oh God I've been hit!!! My leg, Oh Lordy my leg!!!
Passenger: You idiot, you missed!
(Car screeches to a halt. Sound of gear shifting, and vehicle travels in reverse back to the victim)
Shooter: I got him now!
(Gun Shots)
Victim: Oh God, my SHOULDER!!! You dumbass, that's my shoulder you hit!
Shooter: ...*sigh*...
(Shooter gets out of car, walks to victim, and fires several shots. Shooter reloads gun, and fires several more shots. Shooter walks back to car, enters the car, and the car speeds down the street.)

As you the reader can see, this is not the desired outcome of the experience. Here are some easy tips for a Drive by...

/The Dark One signing off
2003-05-05 04:37:15 AM  
Better than anything I've ever written on the internet, but still pretty lame by FARK standards.
2003-05-05 04:40:48 AM  
Make sure to give your victim a reach around.
2003-05-05 04:41:17 AM  
[image from bedlam.dreamwater.org too old to be available]
2003-05-05 04:44:42 AM  
clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG!!!! clip clop clip clop
Amish drive-by.
2003-05-05 05:01:46 AM  
Do it mother nature style: take out the trash with a tornado.
2003-05-05 05:02:28 AM  
[image from cfporn.com too old to be available]
2003-05-05 05:17:54 AM  
"Let him have it!"

2003-05-05 05:25:35 AM  
As a new government service, our Leadership in Florida has determined that the Supreme Court should do the voting.
2003-05-05 05:29:04 AM  
"05-05-03 04:44:42 AM JamuraiSack

clip clop clip clop clip clop BANG!!!! clip clop clip clop
Amish drive-by."

THat'd be 'clip clop clip clop clip clop TWANG!!! clip clop clip clop'

The 'TWANG!!!' being a crossbow or bow&arrow
2003-05-05 05:30:46 AM  
that article was the shiate.

Derek Bentley.
2003-05-05 05:32:52 AM  
My strikeover tag did not work. 'the' was overstriken.
2003-05-05 05:34:09 AM  
They took something with absolutely no etiquette and presented it in a way as if it had etiquette. Hilarious! Brilliant! Never been done before! Too bad it wasn't played over Classical Music and had a British Narrator!
2003-05-05 05:34:55 AM  
Can't I overstrike on Fark? What about a drive-by overstrike?
2003-05-05 05:37:39 AM  
That article is gold :)
2003-05-05 05:56:23 AM  
This is just awful! Completely innocent people are killed at random by some shmuck because he's having a bad day and this guy thinks that by mking it more "personal" it can make for a funny article? This is one of the most tasteless things I've ever read and, frankly, I can't believe that anyone would feel differently.
If this is the sort of thing that fools write when they're on the internet then maybe it's time for someone to legislate against hateful things like...

Aww, hell. I smirked and gave myself away.
2003-05-05 06:35:16 AM  
Down-Crier, I absolutely agree dude. Glad that shiat don't happen in my country
2003-05-05 06:39:46 AM  
One minute to midnight we hit the street,
cold as a cadaver, hard as concrete.
Doomsday's packing a baby Mac,
got my AK-47 and the nine in my back.
The Alpine's glowing, P-E's flowing,
got my swerve on tight and my game face showing.
Them damn punks are gonna pay,
the Hawks on the case a bird of prey.

Then up ahead cold chilling in the street,
six motherfarkers from MIT.
I flick off the safety, check my grip,
and load a dum-dum clip.
I glance at the Doom to make sure he's packed,
his fingers on the trigger of his baby Mac.
Time to give a Newtonian demonstration,
of a bullet its mass and its acceleration.

Nine on my lap AK in my hand,
I roll up slow like a snake in the sand.
I wait till I'm sure they can see my face,
then I bust out slugs to the beat of the bass.
The streets sketched out in the full moon light,
MIT punks dying left and right.
There's nowhere to run don't even try,
cause all my shootings be drivebys.
2003-05-05 07:39:36 AM  
Okay, so here's my drive-by story. Late one night about 10 years ago this guy pissed off some cholos at a party. He parks his corvette in front of our neighbors house (who happened to be my room-mate's parents...that's a different story) when they drive up, get out of the car and proceed to walk around his car firing an AK into it. They get back in the car and speed off leaving him with three bullet holes and his corvette completely ventilated. My roomie wakes me up in a panic and is calling 911. By the time we're all awake and realizing that the coast is pretty much cleared the scene is pretty wierd with this bullet-ridden car, shell casings all over the place, a blood trail from where the guy got out of the car and staggered to his girlfriends house to call for help, and a water-main pipe that was perforated and water is gushing out all over the street. Paramedics are treating the guy (he lived) the cops are picking up 7.62x39mm shell casings and the fire department are trying to shut the water off.

As far as I know the guys who did it were never arrested, though we suspect that the low-rider that cruised by the next day while the water main was being repaired were the perps. I still have the pipe with a bullet hole which I keep in my office as a souvenier.

Too bad no voting.
2003-05-05 07:52:17 AM  
P.E.T.A. drive-by...

Step 1- Pick fur-wearing meat eating victim.

Step 2- Tell him(her) that because they do not conform to your extreme way of thinking, that you will be a target.

Step 3- Annoy said victim with shrill shouts, scary signs and occasionly slinging blood at the chosen victim.

Step 4- Feel smug

Step 5- Return to your suburban home for a nice steak dinner.
2003-05-05 08:07:15 AM  
Everything I know about driveby's I learned from Henrietta Collins and the Wifebeating Childhaters:

- get in a car, go go go
- drive to a neighbourhood you don't know
- get yourself a Smith&Wesson
- teach some folks a lesson
- watch out for the pigs
2003-05-05 08:18:11 AM  
Let me tell you how enept the cops in my town are. My Freshman year in highschool there was a shooting down the street from my house in a set of apartments. Now the shooting happened in the driveway with the van facing the street but far enough back to be protected by the buildings. There were two people in the van both facing the street. They were shot in the side of the head and the cops called it a drive-by. People wonder why I do not like cops.
2003-05-05 08:24:52 AM  
That's twisted.
Funny, but twisted.
2003-05-05 08:25:41 AM  
Drive by trolling etiquette

Step One
: Carefully choose a political affiliation.

Step Two: If you're a lefty, show off your ignorant and simplistic view of the world by stating that an "election" was stolen. If you're a righty, this effect can be reproduced by equating "pacifism" with jew-bashin'. At any rate, it's important to call the other side a bunch of Nazis.

Step three: Be sure to use "sneer quotes" around any positive "word", such as "election" or "peace". This shows just how "intelligent" and "sophisticated" your sense of "irony" "really" "is".

Step four: Post your blather in a forum about drinking, naked women, or anything else completely unrelated to politics. Then run like hell.
2003-05-05 08:26:39 AM  
That was P.J. O'Rourke - level funny.
And that's sayin' a lot.
2003-05-05 08:56:26 AM  
Boobiesontheside, MC Hawking never goes out of style.
2003-05-05 09:09:36 AM  
The author was an idiot.

Once I read, "In prehistoric times, if you had a problem with someone you had to walk up to them and bash them over the head with a club. But of course youd have been eaten by dinosaurs first", all credibility was out the window.

Everyone who thinks that the submitter of this crap needs to be taken out and shot, raise your right hand and say, "Aye".

2003-05-05 09:31:24 AM  
Man,I've been going about it all wrong. You mean it's nothing like Grand Theft Auto III?
2003-05-05 09:32:42 AM  
It is exteremely rude to commit a driveby during dinner hours. How many times have you been ready to sit down and enjoy a nice meal and then you have to keep jumping under the table because of rude driveby shooters? What is wrong with people.
2003-05-05 09:33:03 AM  
Civilization as a whole has been beaten into accepting violence to be an end to most means. Political strife, senseless violence and war have become commonplace in society today. To be able to accept this fact and illustrate it as comedy takes a perverse and farcical mind, which more people should utilize. Everyone laughs at Mel Brooks, right?
2003-05-05 09:33:59 AM  
Don't lead women and children so much.
2003-05-05 09:34:31 AM  
I've found a sip of courvoisier calms my nerves before rolling on. I can assure you that as soon as my drive by is over I will be getting it on with someone or something, but it will most definitely involve the butt.
2003-05-05 09:34:35 AM  
After a good drive by,
I always like to pour a 40 out on the curb to remember my fallen homies.
2003-05-05 09:36:06 AM  
Darknerd, "all credibility was out the window":

The author did this to establish early on with the reader that the article was indeed a joke. It's a simple writing tool. It was supposed to demolish all credibility. It helps you to read the rest of the article as a joke (and take everything all the more humorously).

/english teacher mode
2003-05-05 09:37:19 AM  
Wow. This guy sounds like PJ O'Rourke. Except stoned. And a lizard.
2003-05-05 09:42:27 AM  
Steppenwolf, Boobiesontheside,

Word. Represent!
2003-05-05 09:59:06 AM  
so i should have been grateful the gangbanger that threatened me in my doorway with a knife, had the courtesy to do it face to face.

and he should be grateful, that when karma struck and 2 days later he was found dead on the next corner with his throat slit, that it was done face to face with his own knife.

go it.
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