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(Yahoo)   FDA approves artificial sphincter device.   ( dailynews.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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2487 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Sep 2001 at 9:21 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

31 Comments     (+0 »)
2001-09-28 09:27:00 AM  
I clicked on it, and nothing happened :(
2001-09-28 09:46:05 AM  
New From Reebok: The PumpAss!

Now, imagine the guy who ivented this bad-boy...

#1: I've been working on my doctoral thesis outlining the social behavior of the Benobo apes of Eastern Africa
#2: Really?? I am currently working on the benefits of Stem Cell treatments for Parkinson's Disease
#3: I invented an artificial asshole.
2001-09-28 09:57:10 AM  
Wot no pictures? ;)
2001-09-28 10:03:30 AM  
"The device was designed to imitate the sphincter muscle by allowing patients to open the anal canal using the control pump to inflate the balloon."
2001-09-28 10:06:04 AM  
well, i found the holy grail.

2001-09-28 10:12:25 AM  
And in the nidst of terror and destruction, a ray of hope from the Scientific community shines!

Thank you, asshole-makers! THANK YOU!
2001-09-28 10:15:34 AM  
An artificial fart to go with that artificial heart.
2001-09-28 10:20:27 AM  
An artificial sphincter, for those artificial anal-retentive people.
2001-09-28 10:27:25 AM  
And all this time i've been wasting my energy pooping on my own.
2001-09-28 10:37:32 AM  
In a related story, Jesse Jackson is set to visit the Taliban for hostage negotiations. (Oh wait...he's not artificial.)
2001-09-28 10:37:39 AM  
It's sphincterliscious!
2001-09-28 10:40:30 AM  
sounded like it worked bassackwards.
wonder what one of them puppys cost?
where do they put the pump?
2001-09-28 10:46:26 AM  
They put the pump "in the labium or scrotum" Yikes!

Question: What if someone has one of these things, AS WELL as those pump-penis things? Would they need to tatoo a little sign on each nut to tell them apart?
2001-09-28 10:58:16 AM  
wuz thinkin' the same thing cleighton...hmm
2001-09-28 11:44:33 AM  
They still have some serious technical issues to overcome:

1) Driving on bumpy roads causes sphincter to rapidly inflate and explode

2) You have to wipe your ass with Armor-All after pooping

3) Close proximity to microwaves causes major diarrhea

4) Farting causes garage door to open

5) Corn
2001-09-28 12:15:51 PM  
LMAO Diogenes
2001-09-28 12:16:30 PM  
I like "Corn" - just CORN - 'nuf said - need no explanation - ha ha ha ha
2001-09-28 12:49:35 PM  
All joking aside this is actually pretty cool. Most people with bowel problems end up either homebound (ie toliet bound) or with a colstemy(sic?) bag. So this gives a lot of people a new lease on life who may not otherwise have one. Course the notion of a bionic butthole is just wide open for jokes.
2001-09-28 12:52:49 PM  
Whoa, has anyone read the link to the device posted above, in the warnings it says that the recipent should not engage in "receptive anal intercourse". Oh well, too sad for the goats.cx guy, guess he is stuck with his giant freaking asshole and loose stools.
2001-09-28 12:55:53 PM  
2001-09-28 12:58:04 PM  
Whoa, they have a bunch of tripped out stuff on this site, like the AMS sphicter 800, sounds like a new car model or stereo or something:

2001-09-28 02:13:23 PM  
I wonder how you'd feel after that surgery
2001-09-28 02:17:02 PM  
Thanks Theatergirl7! I was feeling a little blue today.
2001-09-28 02:28:51 PM  
Puts new meaning into being bionic man...
2001-09-28 02:45:01 PM  
Cleighton: They're the BONOBO Apes, not Benobo, damnit! Don't make me get all chimpy on your ass.
2001-09-28 03:21:51 PM  
Tzzhc4 re: your first link

"Requires some manual dexterity to operate. Possibility of unintended erections exists."

So, it's just like a regular penis then...
2001-09-28 03:22:06 PM  
Why do we need prosthetic ones? Aren't there enough assholes in this world we live in already?

-he who stacks pork
2001-09-28 08:37:37 PM  
"A sphincter says what?"
2001-09-28 09:46:25 PM  
Spose the first recipient of this wonder of modern medical inguniety will get his 15 minutes of fame on the news? Like the artificial heart guys? Pig liver guys or whatever.
Spose he will show the camera his new arsehole?
Maybe we will eventaully get to see the artificial arse surgery on the Discovery health network. Anyone ever watch that? I've seen the same breast enlargement surgery like 8 times. I just have to watch it everytime it is on. Something about boobies on basic cable that is just cool.
2001-09-28 10:06:39 PM  
What's the big deal? Look around any liberal college- you'll find plenty of fake assholes.
2001-09-28 10:52:45 PM  
You mean the Young Republicans club?
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