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(Scotsman)   Drunken lion trainers leave door to lion cage open. Pretty much ends like you'd think   ( thescotsman.co.uk) divider line
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13338 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Apr 2003 at 3:49 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-04-27 11:48:18 PM  
police opened fire on a lion as it devoured the dead trainer.

Lions eating people. heh. Where is PeTA when you need them?
2003-04-27 11:57:17 PM  
Dimitri Pavlov, 41, then raised the alarm and tried to round the animals up, but he was killed when they turned on him.

Maybe if he didn't ring the damn bell, the Lion wouldn't have been so damn starving.
2003-04-28 12:12:48 AM  

Looks to me like Pavlov could've predicted this.
2003-04-28 01:04:16 AM  
Vodka is a great meat tenderizer.
Drink enough of it, and your meat will be very, very tender.
The ladies know what I'm talking about.
2003-04-28 03:27:41 AM  
[image from helixdmonster.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 03:52:22 AM  
Lions and Tigers and Beers, oh my.
2003-04-28 03:52:38 AM  
He should have taken more pride in his work.

2003-04-28 03:52:51 AM  
[image from agentnumberone.com too old to be available]

2003-04-28 03:53:19 AM  
This is great. Just... just great! Allow me to be the first to make note of my hatred of humanity, as well as the first to make reference to Darwin!

Go, yon valiant golden-maned beasts o' the wild!
2003-04-28 03:54:44 AM  
Andonbray, you're right. After all, he was the mane man in charge.
2003-04-28 03:54:44 AM  
It is the second such incident within a year in the Moscow region. Last spring, a runaway lion attacked and critically injured a 12-year-old girl in the suburb of Odinzovo.

Odinzovo? I did hear once that Russia was conquered by Vikings centuries ago. They both have distinctive headwear, so I'm swayed to believe it is so.
2003-04-28 03:55:09 AM  
[image from jheather.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 03:57:38 AM  
This calls for a drink [image from fotozoom.com.mx too old to be available]
2003-04-28 03:58:06 AM  
(props to Jarrett for doing, umm, all the work on that)
2003-04-28 03:58:08 AM  
hehehe... funny title
2003-04-28 04:00:06 AM  
the lonliest ranger of all
2003-04-28 04:00:42 AM  
meh. I was hoping it would be Siegfried and Roy.
2003-04-28 04:00:50 AM  
That's adorable Kitschnsync.

And well, I root for any circus animals that feel like killing their trainers.
2003-04-28 04:05:14 AM  
wtf is going on in russia? if i lived there with the economy all $hitty, last thing i would be doing is getting drunk on the job.
2003-04-28 04:05:55 AM  
[image from theimaginaryworld.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 04:15:05 AM  
This wouldn't have happened if PETA members were the ones performing instead of those helpless animals.
2003-04-28 04:16:37 AM  
In Russia, lion trains you!

Meh, nothing I have
2003-04-28 04:22:05 AM  
There is a rescue zoo here in Austin that adopts animals from owners that are unable to care for them properly. One of the lions that they took in was part of a traveling circus. The poor thing had been chained up, and it was so afraid of its handlers that it had literally embedded the chain INTO its neck trying to get away from them. It still has a scar collar. :(
Circus animals should be monitored by third-party organizations to ensure their proper care. It would probably prevent accidents like this too.
2003-04-28 04:22:06 AM  
Well, at least the meat had a nice vodka marinade before it was ready for consumption.

2003-04-28 04:26:19 AM  
He fixes the cable?
2003-04-28 04:26:41 AM  
good one.

Btw, whoever came up with the title also rules.
2003-04-28 04:27:48 AM  
Pretty much ends like you'd think

The first thing that popped into my mind was that the lions had been waiting and scheming for the moment they would be let free of the cage and could easily overpower the guards. Then they would meet up with other lions in a high-tech command center deep within the Earth's core where they would proceed to initiate their plan for global domination by injecting zombie formula into the world's supply of chocolate, turning the majority of the worlds population into zombies under the lions complete control. And the next logical step would be that the lions would start to use their slave army of zombie humans to construct a massive star-ship capable of faster then light travel. This is so they could return to their lion home world, Lionstar 1. But instead of wanting to visit it, they would attack it with turbo-nukes that our best German zombie scientists could build for them. Once they had conquered Lionstar 1, killed all of the lions and made the lionesses into placid love slaves, they would begin a 200,000 year reign of terror upon the universe destroying galaxy after galaxy.

And I was sitting here thinking of going into the bomb shelter to hide, and thinking how lucky I am that I don't really like the taste of chocolate so I wouldn't be a zombie. . . But I've been duped by Fark headlines before, so I clicked on the link just in case and found out they just ate a few drunk Russians and did not proceed with their diabolical plan.
2003-04-28 04:37:11 AM  
Unless it was a Lion that wrote the headline and thus has lured you into a false sense of security. I for one welcome our Lion overlords.
2003-04-28 04:38:08 AM  

[image from monstromart.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 04:48:21 AM  
[image from spielberg-dreamworks.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 04:50:32 AM  
[image from teemings.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 04:52:03 AM  
LOL @ Spoofman

Herbert the friendly lion?
2003-04-28 04:54:20 AM  
Half the lions in this thread are tigers. Tigers I say!
2003-04-28 04:54:38 AM  

And I'm ashamed I can remember that.

But I'm even more ashamed that I can remember the theme-song.
2003-04-28 04:57:08 AM  
Quite an imagination, Pathighgate.
2003-04-28 04:57:37 AM  
Lambert! I loved that cartoon. And, yes, I too can still sing the song. Disney had some catchy tunes back in the day.

2003-04-28 04:58:02 AM  
GIS for Clarence cross-eyed lion

[image from quizquest.fsnet.co.uk too old to be available]
2003-04-28 04:59:16 AM  
Half the lions in this thread are tigers. Tigers I say

[image from emerchandise.com too old to be available]

2003-04-28 04:59:53 AM  
Beer's a wonderful thing, isn't it?
2003-04-28 05:00:07 AM  
Okay, okay, to make up for my last few image posts being tigers, who else remembers THIS lion:

[image from helsinki.fi too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:03:18 AM  
Laaaambert the sheepish lion, laaambert is always trying to be a something something something...
2003-04-28 05:05:20 AM  
[image from sfstation.members.easyspace.com too old to be available]

2003-04-28 05:10:00 AM  
[image from alphalink.com.au too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:13:58 AM  
[image from davidyounker.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:14:16 AM  
But did hilarity ensue?
2003-04-28 05:15:04 AM  
TheDogNextDoor: "...to be a wild and woolly sheep, instead of a sheepish lion."

What the hell was that doing in my head?
2003-04-28 05:18:21 AM  
[image from da7.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:27:55 AM  
[image from lionhrt.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:40:01 AM  
[image from afgrant.com too old to be available]
2003-04-28 05:43:12 AM  
[image from thundercatsprideland.com too old to be available]
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