If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(FilmDrunk)   The Big Lebowski . . . as written by Shakespeare   ( filmdrunk.uproxx.com) divider line
    More: Amusing, Big Lebowski, Shakespeare, child molesters, marmots  
•       •       •

5876 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 Jan 2010 at 2:21 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



116 Comments     (+0 »)
 


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2010-01-08 02:23:24 PM  
looks like the bar has forever been raised for lebowski quoting
 
rmz
2010-01-08 02:25:22 PM  
Saw this yesterday...couldn't stop reading it. Pure distilled awesome.
 
2010-01-08 02:26:09 PM  
Strap in folks... this should get interesting....

/Who's in pajamas, Walter?
 
2010-01-08 02:26:09 PM  

dumbgai: looks like the bar has forever been raised for lebowski quoting


Tis but thine opinion, cuz.
 
2010-01-08 02:26:27 PM  
"It is our most moderately priced receptical."
 
2010-01-08 02:29:30 PM  
This befalleth when thou firk'st a stranger 'twixt the buttocks, Laurence! Understand'st thou? Dost thou attend me? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence, when thou firk'st a stranger 'twixt the buttocks?!
 
2010-01-08 02:29:43 PM  

FrancoFile: dumbgai: looks like the bar has forever been raised for lebowski quoting

Tis but thine opinion, cuz.

 
2010-01-08 02:29:55 PM  
A rug by any other name wouldst still tie thine room together.
 
2010-01-08 02:31:15 PM  

FrancoFile: dumbgai: looks like the bar has forever been raised for lebowski quoting

Tis but thine opinion, cuz.


artiewayne.files.wordpress.comView Full Size


/Preview, damn slut, preview!
 
2010-01-08 02:32:21 PM  
Scribe it thus naught!
 
2010-01-08 02:36:09 PM  
Site already farked
 
2010-01-08 02:37:02 PM  
With the Jesus, thou shalt farketh not, oh man!

/have not read it yet
 
2010-01-08 02:45:28 PM  
"I am the Knave, called the Knave. Or His Knaveness, or mayhap Knaver, or mayhap El Knaverino, in the manner of the Spaniard, if brevity be not in thy soul nor wit. A Knave by any other name would abide just as well."

Oh, that's just beautiful.
 
2010-01-08 02:46:17 PM  

KatjaMouse: FrancoFile: dumbgai: looks like the bar has forever been raised for lebowski quoting

Tis but thine opinion, cuz.

/Preview, damn slut, preview!


yeah that was great, in the link the line is "Yea, well, that be, forsooth, thy opinion, sir."
 
2010-01-08 02:47:17 PM  

mofomisfit: KatjaMouse: FrancoFile: dumbgai: looks like the bar has forever been raised for lebowski quoting

Tis but thine opinion, cuz.

/Preview, damn slut, preview!

yeah that was great, in the link the line is "Yea, well, that be, forsooth, thy opinion, sir."


Yeah, I tried to read the whole script but twas already fbxrd...
 
2010-01-08 02:47:18 PM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: A rug by any other name wouldst still tie thine room together.


Hold thy tongue, Eddie! Thou art out of thy element!
 
2010-01-08 02:47:55 PM  
Mine temperment is more calm than thou.
Mine temperment is more calm than thou.
 
2010-01-08 02:48:48 PM  
"Smokey, this be not the foul jungles of the darkest East Orient. This be ninepins. We are bound by laws."

Pure, unadulterated awesome. One of the better and more fitting things I've ever seen Fark link to.
 
2010-01-08 02:49:20 PM  
"Smokey, this be not the foul jungles of the darkest East Orient. This be ninepins. We are bound by laws."

I am in awe of these people.
 
2010-01-08 02:49:55 PM  
FreakinB: Pure, unadulterated awesome.

Almost the greatest simulpost ever.
 
2010-01-08 02:50:38 PM  

BunkoSquad: FreakinB: Pure, unadulterated awesome.

Almost the greatest simulpost ever.


Wow. So close!
 
2010-01-08 02:51:08 PM  
FreakinB: Wow. So close!

If I only hadn't stopped to check my spelling...
 
2010-01-08 02:52:57 PM  
He died as did so many of his generation, ere his time. In Thy wisdom, Lord, Thou didst take him, as Thou took so many bright flowering young men, i' the jungles of the Orient. These young men gave their lives, and Donald too; Donald who loved to play at ninepins.
 
2010-01-08 02:54:02 PM  
Has thine world entered in oblivion? Might I inquire that I be the single flame who burns with desire about order? Make your mark to be nothing!
 
2010-01-08 02:56:13 PM  

FreakinB: Pure, unadulterated awesome. One of the better and more fitting things I've ever seen Fark link to.


Totally agree. There were several links to this yesterday on TF, but for some reason I don't understand none of them went green--I'm glad to see one finally did. One rejected link yesteday also had a link to a nice clean PDF version of the entire script, which I downloaded and e-mailed to all of my theatre/film connected friends, to universal acclaim.
 
2010-01-08 02:56:17 PM  
Bah damn comment cut the rest of my post... that was one some friends I fooled around with one time

But I love this awesomeness even more

"Hath this whole world been mired in madness?
Remain ye men of faculty complete,
Of full arithmetic and prudence fair,
Attending to our noble bond and contract?
Or does here stand the last remaining man
To give a fig for rules and order yet,
No noble savage, but a stave unbroken
Who loves the law and bids it no misdeed.
I'll not be bent to lawlessness. Mark it nought, if we be men of honour."
 
2010-01-08 02:59:01 PM  
Though words in haste be only human nature,
'Orient-man' is not preferr'd nomenclature.
 
2010-01-08 02:59:39 PM  
Shakespeare? Me Thinkst not.
It's not written in iambic pentameter.
 
2010-01-08 03:03:18 PM  

schattenteufel: Shakespeare? Me Thinkst not.
It's not written in iambic pentameter.


Some of it is.
 
2010-01-08 03:03:46 PM  
And monies, and this is thy home-work, boy.
Wherefore silence? What impudence is this?
Thou art killing thy father, Laurence! O!
This hath no end; he never will speak word.
I take thy parchment back, and turn to plans
Of secondary contingence. Look well.
Behold thy car, the corvette, crimson-stain'd,
And see what befalls sinners evermore.
[He raises his sword, and smites the car]
This befalleth when thou firk'st a stranger 'twixt the buttocks, Laurence! Understand'st
thou? Dost thou attend me? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what
happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence, when thou firk'st a stranger
'twixt the buttocks?!
[Enter CLOWN]
This be what befalleth, Laurence! This be what befalleth, Laurence!
 
2010-01-08 03:06:32 PM  
elementalism.orgView Full Size


It's full of win!
 
2010-01-08 03:07:54 PM  
Well; but be forewarn'd. It reach'd mine ears
That combustible Walter, o'ercome with rage
Did shed good sense, and raise his sword in play.
I fear not such jade's tricks, an seeing ill,
Would snatch the burden from the jealous knight
And pierce his gizzard with the wrongful steel,
Points up, as said of Coriolanus.


It just keeps getting better.
 
2010-01-08 03:08:41 PM  
Coitus?
 
2010-01-08 03:09:50 PM  
is there a passage where Bunny offers the Dude a bj?
 
2010-01-08 03:11:11 PM  
Too. Much. Funny.

Wow.
 
2010-01-08 03:11:19 PM  

Onkel Buck: is there a passage where Bunny offers the Dude a bj?


"Were thou to bring a gentle cock to mine bed-chamber, I might help him to success for ten shillings."
 
2010-01-08 03:11:42 PM  
blogs.warwick.ac.ukView Full Size
 
2010-01-08 03:12:33 PM  

Onkel Buck: is there a passage where Bunny offers the Dude a bj?


And a lady of good housekeeping and agriculture besides, minded to economy and all practicalities. Were thou to bring a gentle cock to mine bed-chamber, I might help him to success for ten shillings.

/It is an enterprise of great zest.
 
2010-01-08 03:13:55 PM  
I, the writer of the play, submitted this with a funnier headline.

It was rejected on Wednesday. :(
 
2010-01-08 03:13:56 PM  

schattenteufel: Shakespeare? Me Thinkst not.
It's not written in iambic pentameter.


So... more Christopher Marlow then?
 
2010-01-08 03:13:58 PM  

Onkel Buck: is there a passage where Bunny offers the Dude a bj?


BONNIE
And a lady of good housekeeping and agriculture besides, minded to economy and all practicalities. Were thou to bring a gentle cock to mine bed-chamber, I might help him to success for ten shillings.

THE KNAVE
Such a lady of talents I have scarcely seen.

BRANDT
Yes, a most forthright jest! Free of spirit and good generosity, she is the nimble nymph of Neptune, and we mark her with good humour.

BONNIE
Free of spirit but ne'er free for flesh. Were I to regale thee with parts of my humour, I would not bid Brandt hear the play ere he paid a shilling himself.

BRANDT
Hark, a marvelous jest; but, I pray you, we dare not tarry. Come, Knave.

THE KNAVE
Yea, I shall come, and then return with money, Or lose the labour'd love of fair Bonnie.
 
2010-01-08 03:14:50 PM  
On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.
Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands,
Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians?
If you schedule us, must you not do right?
If we step o'er the line, do we not mark it nought?
The Sabbath; I'll roll not, God-a-mercy.
 
2010-01-08 03:16:23 PM  

Icon-Cat: I, the writer of the play, submitted this with a funnier headline.
It was rejected on Wednesday. :(


You're really the writer? Seriously? Because this is one of the most truly inspired things I've seen in a long time.
 
2010-01-08 03:17:09 PM  
Mark me; we stand at twisted, jealous gates
Of cast-iron, above which, in vulgar tongue, reads
"Here is a world of pain, thou enterest thus."



This is beyond badass.
 
2010-01-08 03:17:36 PM  

braedan: Coitus?


This is so goddamn much win.

MAUDE
If by my art, my curious friend, I have
Put the wild notions in a roar, so be't.
What think you on the female form, O Knave?
The woman's part in me so gallantly
Manifests itself within in mine art
Commended by the wise as country work;
I paint only those of my own sex.
The very word is said to bother men,
Discomfort them, encircled in their ring.
It is the very painting of discomfort,
Two legs without a head. I say no thing.
 
2010-01-08 03:19:32 PM  
Nihilists! I am beshrewn. Say what thou wilt
Of fascist tenets, Knave; it seeks to stand
Philosophy and politic, not void.
And let it noted be that wildlife kept,
Amphibious rodent, in domestic walls,
Is retrograde to right and civil laws.

Icon-Cat you've made my day.
 
2010-01-08 03:21:26 PM  
THE KNAVE
[sings]
"Imagination setteth in
To maketh man to wish to sing,
Hey-nonny-no, looking out my back door;
Bother me tomorrow
For today I buy no sorrows.
Hey-nonny-no, looking out my back door."

HA!
 
2010-01-08 03:22:29 PM  
THE KNAVE
That maketh a man, in sooth; an a man were to lack those two tests in cause betwixt his stance, 'twould be no man.

LEBOWSKI
You jest; but clowns can speak in truth. My reeling thoughts yearn for such simple counsel.

THE KNAVE
I aim to smoke of the pipe, if that betides your lordship's right good health




Effin' awesome.
 
2010-01-08 03:24:02 PM  
JACK SMOKE
Thy words are hard; I must equivocate.
Put up thy pen, that I may mark it eight.

WALTER
Nay! I do protest, and draw my sword;
It shall teach thee to disobey my word.
Mark none but none into that bowler's frame,
Else thou shalt enter into a world of pain.
A world of pain, think upon't; unhappy world!
A lake of fire, rich with damnèd souls,
Gulfs of anguish 'twixt vales of agonies.
Mark me; we stand at twisted, jealous gates
Of cast-iron, above which, in vulgar tongue, reads
"Here is a world of pain, thou enterest thus."
My steel before thee, 'tis the last of keys
That might could lock these doors, and keep thee
From this world of pain, or with one flick
Ope its mashing maw, and summon winds
To cast thee down within; an excellent key!
Farewell to earthly delights, farewell to friends,
To fellowships and follies and amends.
The choice to spare thy passage through these trials
Is thine alone; take heed, I entreat thee,
And turn thy back upon this world of pain!
 
2010-01-08 03:25:39 PM  

Icon-Cat: I, the writer of the play, submitted this with a funnier headline.

It was rejected on Wednesday. :(


If someone doesn't beat me to it when I get home later, I'm getting you a month of TotalFark because, dear sir, thou art full with victory.
 
Displayed 50 of 116 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter





Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report