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(Telegraph)   If someone rings the mobile phone you've just stolen and asks you for your name and address, they're just trying to trick you into revealing your name and address   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Mobile phone thief, Lincoln Crown Court Gamblin, cellphones, custodial sentence, New Year  
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10727 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2009 at 8:53 AM (9 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2009-12-21 06:24:40 AM  
I swear, sometimes it is hard to believe we are speaking the same language as the English.
 
2009-12-21 08:56:26 AM  
And don't forget to follow up with a text.
 
2009-12-21 09:00:39 AM  

z_gringo: I swear, sometimes it is hard to believe we are speaking the same language as the English.


Me have problem finding part of article that is hard part. Say it again in this place?
 
2009-12-21 09:02:33 AM  
TFA was very in-depth and informative, as knowing the culprit was a billiard champ is relevant and necessary information.
 
2009-12-21 09:05:24 AM  
That's the most I've ever laughed at an article that wasn't meant to be funny.
 
2009-12-21 09:07:57 AM  

Savage Bacon: TFA was very in-depth and informative, as knowing the culprit was a billiard champ is relevant and necessary information.


it tells us he's chav scum, the new dominant class in the UK.
 
2009-12-21 09:11:27 AM  
Working a gig downtown on sunny afternoon, a crackhead stole my cell phone from the table. I called it and the dumb fark answered.

Me: "Hiya, I want my phone back"
Crackhead: "Well i'm REAL hungry. I could use $5"
Me: "Okay cool" (no chance in hell)
CH: "Well i'm pretty starved, how about $10?"
Me: "Sure, fine. whatever. Meet me this place" (i'm gonna farking end you)
CH: "Cool, so $20 and we're good."

Long story short, he actually shows up where and when I tell him to. I get the phone back by any means at my disposal. No $$ out of pocket.

His final phrase was "Okay muthafarka but just so you know i'm gonna go hungry tonight!"

Fine by me.
 
2009-12-21 09:16:49 AM  
Chances that he was arrested with a faux burberry baseball cap: 1.
 
2009-12-21 09:19:31 AM  
No matter how many times I read this, it just seems like he stole the phone from himself. Called himself, and give himself his own information.

At least the court gave him a janitor job.
 
2009-12-21 09:21:42 AM  
i'd say this was greelit as much for the comical, shodddy writing as the moran in question
 
2009-12-21 09:25:09 AM  
shoddy

FTFM

/office is 59 degrees
//numb fingers
///pocket pool
 
2009-12-21 09:25:23 AM  
Snookered!
 
2009-12-21 09:25:31 AM  

Flakeloaf: z_gringo: I swear, sometimes it is hard to believe we are speaking the same language as the English.

Me have problem finding part of article that is hard part. Say it again in this place?


"rings...mobile phone", "custodial sentence", "chav scum"

not hard just different

NTTAWWT
 
2009-12-21 09:27:35 AM  
"Gamblin, played billiards at an international level until 2003."

Someone, needs to learn how to use commas.

/queen's english my, arse
 
2009-12-21 09:27:51 AM  
Peter Gamblin, 24, answered his phone he had taken just hours before and gave him his personal details in an ''act of bravado.''

Fail in the lede. Back to Freshman journalism classes for you.
 
2009-12-21 09:28:20 AM  
Was that written in the middle of the Telegraph Christmas party?
 
2009-12-21 09:29:07 AM  

ShadowPenguin: Working a gig downtown on sunny afternoon, a crackhead stole my cell phone from the table. I called it and the dumb fark answered.

Me: "Hiya, I want my phone back"
Crackhead: "Well i'm REAL hungry. I could use $5"
Me: "Okay cool" (no chance in hell)
CH: "Well i'm pretty starved, how about $10?"
Me: "Sure, fine. whatever. Meet me this place" (i'm gonna farking end you)
CH: "Cool, so $20 and we're good."

Long story short, he actually shows up where and when I tell him to. I get the phone back by any means at my disposal. No $$ out of pocket.

His final phrase was "Okay muthafarka but just so you know i'm gonna go hungry tonight!"

Fine by me.


cdn0.knowyourmeme.comView Full Size
 
2009-12-21 09:40:00 AM  
Find my iPhone, if turned on, will give the it's GPS co-ordinates, a map and a satellite view of the location.
 
2009-12-21 09:41:32 AM  
cool story bros. Stupid people does like stupid people does.
 
2009-12-21 09:41:38 AM  

thamike: Peter Gamblin, 24, answered his phone he had taken just hours before and gave him his personal details in an 'act of bravado.'

Fail in the lede. Back to Freshman journalism classes for you.


This. It gave me a headache just trying to read it.
 
2009-12-21 09:42:04 AM  
farm1.static.flickr.comView Full Size


Apparently, the only thing remarkable about this person was the fact that at one time he was good at playing billiards. Other than that, he was just an unintelligent thief.

/Does not the news people has a grammar check thing?
//You cans catch lots of grammar stuf wen you proof read toos.
 
2009-12-21 09:44:15 AM  

thamike: Peter Gamblin, 24, answered his phone he had taken just hours before and gave him his personal details in an 'act of bravado.'

Fail in the lede. Back to Freshman journalism classes for you.


That sentence actually refers back to the sub-headline (or whatever they call it in the News Biz™), which reads:

A mobile phone thief was caught after he answered a call and gave the his victim his name and address, a court has heard.

So potentially it's more of a layout problem than a writing or editing problem. "His phone he had taken" is pretty horrible though.
 
2009-12-21 09:48:29 AM  

Curse of the Goth Kids: So potentially it's more of a layout problem than a writing or editing problem. "His phone he had taken" is pretty horrible though.


I might have accepted that if the article hadn't steadily gone downhill from there. It reads like it was written by two cats who hate each other.
 
2009-12-21 09:49:02 AM  
In his defense, he was just 13 when he had to leave home.
 
2009-12-21 09:51:30 AM  

thamike: Curse of the Goth Kids: So potentially it's more of a layout problem than a writing or editing problem. "His phone he had taken" is pretty horrible though.

I might have accepted that if the article hadn't steadily gone downhill from there. It reads like it was written by two cats who hate each other.


Or do they LOVE each other?

Seriously...I mean, with cats it's hard to tell.
 
2009-12-21 09:51:48 AM  
GRAMMAR FAIL.
If the first sentence of an article is so poorly written that it makes no logical sense, most people won't bother to read further.
 
2009-12-21 09:53:00 AM  
nt2099.comView Full Size


/Oh yeah, that's hot
 
2009-12-21 09:53:13 AM  

PizzaJedi81: Seriously...I mean, with cats it's hard to tell.


Passive aggressive twats.
 
2009-12-21 09:54:05 AM  
thamike 2009-12-21 09:48:29 AM
Curse of the Goth Kids: So potentially it's more of a layout problem than a writing or editing problem. "His phone he had taken" is pretty horrible though.

I might have accepted that if the article hadn't steadily gone downhill from there. It reads like it was written by two cats who hate each other.


This is made of win.
 
2009-12-21 09:54:51 AM  
z_gringo
I swear, sometimes it is hard to believe we are speaking the same language as the English.

concurs
[image from eos.meccahosting.com too old to be available]
 
2009-12-21 10:27:01 AM  
I just helped my second grader write to Santa. His first draft was more coherent than that mess of shiat. This 'article' read like somebody was so hungover they paid a methhead for a bj, got this instead, and thought it was a fair trade.
 
2009-12-21 11:05:15 AM  
3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
2009-12-21 11:16:05 AM  
At Lincoln Crown Court Gamblin, a former England under-16 billiard champion, from Lincoln, Lincs., denied the robbery, claiming he was at his sister's house

"Good evening officer"
"That phone in your hand? We know it's stolen."
"Nuh uh."
"Yes it is."
"I'm a billiard champion."
"What?"
"I mean to say that I did not steal the phone."
"The owner just contacted you. They have verified ownership of the cell phone. You answered the phone. You gave the actual owners of the phone your personal information... as you were holding and speaking into their stolen phone."
"Yes but see there's something you don't understand."
"And what's that?"
"I was at my sister's house."
"..."
"Did I mention I'm a billiard champion?"

cherryl taggart: This 'article' read like somebody was so hungover they paid a methhead for a bj, got this instead, and thought it was a fair trade.


'Written by two cats who hate eachother' did more with less words, and was much funnier.
 
2009-12-21 11:23:19 AM  

Razorwolf: 'Written by two cats who hate eachother' did more with less words, and was much funnier.


Thanks, man. But as someone who has exchanged prospects of handjobbery for horrible copy, cherryl taggart's quip did cut deep.
 
2009-12-21 11:36:10 AM  

moops: Savage Bacon: TFA was very in-depth and informative, as knowing the culprit was a billiard champ is relevant and necessary information.

it tells us he's chav scum, the new dominant class in the UK.


this. it has spread to ireland as well. HEY YOU Pajama Mammy -pajamas are for bed time not a welfare badge of honour!

that being said - jail time for knicking a cell phone? wow

// i guess the only...
// ...holes...
// ...balls
// ...and so on and so forth...
 
2009-12-21 12:48:01 PM  

thamike: Thanks, man. But as someone who has exchanged prospects of handjobbery for horrible copy, cherryl taggart's quip did cut deep.


I'm not even worried about it. I'm still wondering how the hell "I was at my sister's house" is an alibi for being in possession of a stolen cell phone that he answered and provided personal info.
 
2009-12-21 01:29:08 PM  
Article barely longer than Fark headline.
 
2009-12-21 01:30:59 PM  
And nothing of value is lost.
 
2009-12-21 02:17:50 PM  

Razorwolf: I'm not even worried about it. I'm still wondering how the hell "I was at my sister's house" is an alibi for being in possession of a stolen cell phone that he answered and provided personal info.


It apparently works in SecondLife.
 
2009-12-21 02:26:00 PM  
Billiard Champ huh?
Guess he's gone to pot
 
2009-12-21 03:40:51 PM  

thamike: Razorwolf: I'm not even worried about it. I'm still wondering how the hell "I was at my sister's house" is an alibi for being in possession of a stolen cell phone that he answered and provided personal info.

It apparently works in SecondLife.


They have cellphones now?

My entire experience with Second Life is five minutes of play where someone hit me with a "reprogrammed" vodak bottle and I flew into a different zone. I landed next to a guy flying on a device smaller than his foot... I think it was a neck pillow. I hung it up after that.

Beyond that, I saw it once on The Office.
 
2009-12-21 05:28:32 PM  

Razorwolf: thamike: Razorwolf: I'm not even worried about it. I'm still wondering how the hell "I was at my sister's house" is an alibi for being in possession of a stolen cell phone that he answered and provided personal info.

It apparently works in SecondLife.

They have cellphones now?

My entire experience with Second Life is five minutes of play where someone hit me with a "reprogrammed" vodak bottle and I flew into a different zone. I landed next to a guy flying on a device smaller than his foot... I think it was a neck pillow. I hung it up after that.

Beyond that, I saw it once on The Office.


I think i can one-up your vodka bottle. I decided to spawn into some random "deserted" area and was immediately attacked by about 50-60 AI beach balls, ala fry on the planet of the bouncing balls. It was utterly surreal.
 
2009-12-22 10:45:10 AM  
one day you're a billiards champion playing at the international level, the next you're just some retard chav trying to huslte a few quid at the bar but end up on Fark cause you're too cracked out to reprogram the phone you have just stolen.

/how far ye have fallen
 
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