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(News24)   Man masturbating on a tram ordered over a loudspeaker to stop   ( news24.com) divider line
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154 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Mar 2003 at 2:19 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

240 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-03-27 08:57:22 AM  
I'm Home. The Masturbator.
2003-03-27 08:59:17 AM  
Several years ago, I was riding a bus in Long Beach, CA. A crazy looking homeless guy, a cute Hispanic girl, and myself were the only passengers. To make a long story short, homeless guy stands up and walks up to Hispanic girl, then he ejaculates all over her. She's screaming, the bus driver pulls over and tackles the homeless guy and wrestles him to the ground.

The best part was the look on my boss' face when I explained why I was late for work.
2003-03-27 09:02:11 AM  
I am sure his defense will be he thought he was pulling the emergency stop cord and wodered why it as taking so long.
2003-03-27 09:05:04 AM  
Great story, France....

Pretty ballsy for that busdriver to tackle that homeless dude... did he have his pants up yet?
2003-03-27 09:09:35 AM  
Uh, yeah, whatever....
2003-03-27 10:23:40 AM  
When I was 13, I was sitting outside the movie theatre with a couple of girlfriends in a somewhat discreet area chatting and laughing, and one of my friends looks up into an alleyway and sees this guy in a trench coat watching us on manual overide. She says, "Oh my God," in a loud voice. He zips up his pants and walks away.

We were pretty freaked out about it, but hell, we were only 13. Creep.
2003-03-27 10:30:49 AM  
The announcer on loud speaker: "Please stop masturbating."


/the sound of twenty men quickly zipping their pants
2003-03-27 10:32:18 AM  
Monkeyknife - That's classic! Thanks for the laugh ;)
2003-03-27 11:19:17 AM  
When I was around 16 I worked at a movie theatre. For about a month we had this guy we called the phantom masturbator. He would come in every once and a while and sit next to young girls and start spanking it. Then we had to chase him out of the theatre. After about the fifth time it happened while I was there we had someone in the parking lot that grabbed his license plate number and I assume he got busted... never heard about it again.
Oh, and when I was 20 and working at this shiatty diner there was this crazy homeless guy who would come in and try and jerk it when this one specific waitress was working...
What's with people spanking it in public anyway?
2003-03-27 11:19:46 AM  
it's a fine line: the cat's not humiliated rubbing one out on a tram, but becomes humiliated when his masturb is publicly acknowledged. Blushing exhibitionism.
2003-03-27 11:25:03 AM  
I'm so old. I remember a day when masterbating was everybodys secret hobby. Oh sure, everyone spanked it just like people always have - but no one admitted it - much less started roughing up the suspect in public. Perhaps he simply misunderstood the term "pulling out of the station"
2003-03-27 11:31:13 AM  
I used to ask reserve pilots on long flights about wierd things they have seen.

People seem to wig out and spank it in public quite often, it was a common theme.
2003-03-27 12:40:53 PM  
Wow, this thread looks like it's going to yield some interesting stories.

France: Jesus, man. Now that's a story. I bet that poor girl was on her way to work too. Sure she had to take a long long shower first, though. Ughhh *shudder*
2003-03-27 12:44:58 PM  
So much for him being Master of his Domain.
2003-03-27 12:46:05 PM  
Jesus, France, that's like right out of Silence of the Lambs....
2003-03-27 12:53:41 PM  
Just glacing at this headline caused me to spit water onto my monitor.

At least, that's what I told the cops.
2003-03-27 01:02:18 PM  
Great reference, OldMildDog. That is my all time favorite Seinfeld episode.
2003-03-27 01:22:59 PM  
It's 4:30, time for your sponge bath...
2003-03-27 02:01:21 PM  
Wow, this thread looks like it's going to yield some interesting stories.

Yeah, like this one time ... at band camp...

Oh wait, that wasn't me.
2003-03-27 02:06:33 PM  
hey, this happened a few years ago to this girl (cute cambodian girl) i knew in high school on an old philly el train. she was riding the el at night or something and some weirdo was sitting across from her. next thing you know, he whips it out and goes to town right in front of her. she got out at the next stop.
2003-03-27 02:16:33 PM  
I've said it before, I'll say it again France, nothing says love like airborne man-goo.
2003-03-27 02:19:54 PM  
[image from issendai.com too old to be available]
2003-03-27 02:22:19 PM  
Well, I guess that site doesn't like hot-linking!

Ha, at least it fits the thread anyway.
2003-03-27 02:22:37 PM  
I love the media:
19 year old woman

Also in the news, a 12 year old man was found...
2003-03-27 02:23:26 PM  

"Baliff, whack his pee pee".
2003-03-27 02:23:42 PM  
man, that probably REALLY ruined his concentration...
2003-03-27 02:23:58 PM  
France - Hey, thanks for standing by while that sucker-punching sissy bus driver clocked me from behind. C'mon dude, I know you were jacking off to that latin girl too, or at least you wanted to.
2003-03-27 02:25:29 PM  
That driver saved this kitten! He is a
img.fark.netView Full Size
2003-03-27 02:25:45 PM  
What kind of space-age futuristic society did this happen in where th announcement was clear and understood???
2003-03-27 02:25:49 PM  
Cscx: Jesus, France, that's like right out of Silence of the Lambs....

It puts the semen on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again.
2003-03-27 02:28:33 PM  
well, I certainly know that one use of an internet cafe was enough to stop me ever going back.
2003-03-27 02:28:47 PM  
His ticket got punched.
2003-03-27 02:29:08 PM  
damn. now i'm freaked out about being a small hispanic female.

2003-03-27 02:29:54 PM  
I am so glad I live in the sticks up here in Canada! You can keep all those crazy meat beatin whack jobs LMAO.
2003-03-27 02:29:58 PM  
Achtung!! Stop Spankin die Crankin!! Die poooosy kats ist todten!
2003-03-27 02:30:24 PM  
When I was a teenager there was a man who would stand in the door of his garage and masturbate when we went by. One day we were sitting around across from his house smoking, and he came to the door with 2 big sheets of plywood. One of them said "I want to" and the other one said "eat you." It was even stranger because his daughter was our age and a friend. We finally went and told our parents.
2003-03-27 02:30:44 PM  

When I was in high school, we had this new exchange student, some guy from Vietnam or something. Anyway, he was always grabbing on the white girls in the hallways n stuff and laughing about it, a really creppy guy! One day, he walks into the girls bathroom and just starts spanking it in front of all these girls. I wasn't in there but was told that he blew in a matter of seconds and just stood there breathing hard. We were all cracking the hell up cuz the guy didn't think anything was wrong with it. He was expelled and we never saw him again....
2003-03-27 02:30:52 PM  
When I was in Highschool, a teacher (I never had him) was caught doing the same on the interstate. He was driving and just pulled over to do his thing. Some cop pulled over to see if he needed a hand, but he already had one.

My friend went to Highschool with a kid that would pull his sweater over his knees and jerk it in class. This was an everyday event apparently, but he wasn't expelled until he jizzed across the floor.
2003-03-27 02:31:30 PM  
Love the fact that it was an "offbeat" story.
2003-03-27 02:31:56 PM  
That which does not fap us only faps us stronger...
2003-03-27 02:32:37 PM  
Mr_Name -- Nope, the guy "unloaded" on the woman, the kitten died. ;)
2003-03-27 02:33:32 PM  
when i was at michigan state, we had a guy going around the library at night ejaculating onto girls. he would sneak up on girls while they were studying and rub one out onto their back or shoulder. while it's gross, when it was on the cover of the student newspaper, it seemed pretty funny.
2003-03-27 02:35:19 PM  
no "most.poorly.written.article.ever"? comments?
2003-03-27 02:35:54 PM  
Men always have all the fun. Geez, women can't do this!
2003-03-27 02:35:54 PM  
Was this on the "Voice of God" loudspeaker?
(Where's the link to the porno videostore clerk's blog?)
2003-03-27 02:37:25 PM  
On a train? Such is the danger of the wireless web.
2003-03-27 02:38:12 PM  
Maveno - why ever not? and we don't leave a mess either!!
2003-03-27 02:38:59 PM  
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap....

"Hey turn that down! Can't you see that I'm trying to concentrate!"

...fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap...

Jeez. What's a guy got to do to spank his monkey in public!
2003-03-27 02:40:13 PM  
Ohh and for some female masturbation stories:

Senior year of college I sat diagonally beyond this short skinny brunette who always and I mean ALWAYS had her hand on her crotch. Her hand would move slightly, but from my position I couldn't tell for sure what was going on. Plus she was wearing jeans and I doubt you could feel anything through jeans.

My friend has a story about a girl that sat on her ballpoint pen during class, but I call bullshiat on him.
2003-03-27 02:41:04 PM  
When I'm washing the monkey on a bus, I always goo in an old pickle jar and save it for sentimental reasons, is this wrong? I should put the jar on ebay.......
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