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(CNN)   Beneath the dark waters of Loch Ness lurk... balls. Lots and lots of balls   ( cnn.com) divider line
    More: Strange, golf balls, Loch Ness, Loch Ness Monster, wading, night, conservationists, lots, demons  
•       •       •

29355 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Oct 2009 at 5:03 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



84 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2009-10-12 02:01:28 PM  
nationallampoon.comView Full Size
 
2009-10-12 02:03:20 PM  
BALLS

 
2009-10-12 02:48:38 PM  
The full scoop is available in my new book, "Castrating Nessie: A Monster Hunter's Guide to Kaiju Victimization," in sstores October 20th.
 
2009-10-12 03:20:43 PM  
So Nessie was really John Daly all along?
 
2009-10-12 05:01:56 PM  
wiw.orgView Full Size

No, they're endangered reptile eggs...
 
2009-10-12 05:05:39 PM  
John Daly. Lance Armstrong. Loch 'em up.
 
2009-10-12 05:05:52 PM  
HOLY LOCH NESS MONSTER BALLS!!!
 
2009-10-12 05:06:40 PM  
Penis.
 
2009-10-12 05:07:05 PM  
Many miles away
There's a shadow on the door
Of a cottage on the shore
Of a dark Scottish golf course
 
2009-10-12 05:07:46 PM  
Whoever is on the controls of that thing can't drive for shiat!!!
 
2009-10-12 05:08:21 PM  
Were they Titleists?
 
2009-10-12 05:09:36 PM  
Chopper!

Lurk balls!
 
2009-10-12 05:11:55 PM  

ricktwig: Whoever is on the controls of that thing can't drive for shiat!!!


Apparently neither can the locals

One witness, conservationist Adrian Shine, told CNN he had seen locals launching balls almost 300 feet into the waters.

100 yard drives.... weak.
 
2009-10-12 05:12:00 PM  
Anybody else have a problem with the lake bottom being covered with silt, but the golf balls are white and pristine?

You made me do it.

SHENANIGANS!
 
2009-10-12 05:14:17 PM  
I have a golf ball I fished out of the screenhouse of a nuke plant. That said, I doubt this is unusual.

/quit hitting them into the lake, dipwads
 
2009-10-12 05:14:51 PM  
Are they inert?
 
2009-10-12 05:15:08 PM  
Well, it is Scotland.
 
2009-10-12 05:15:42 PM  
images.cheezburger.comView Full Size

 
2009-10-12 05:19:11 PM  
[image from z.about.com too old to be available]

Hey! Nessie! While you're down there, see if you find a MAXFLI!



/she's a dear
 
2009-10-12 05:19:17 PM  
Maybe Nessie has been practicing her juggling skills.
 
2009-10-12 05:21:04 PM  
11.media.tumblr.comView Full Size


Balls you say?
 
2009-10-12 05:21:33 PM  
I own a golf ball bore sized swivel cannon and am really getting a kick out of some of these replies.
 
2009-10-12 05:23:13 PM  
On a recent expedition to try and find evidence of the Loch Ness monster

Haha, stupid, superstitious, backwards, third-world, uneducated, ignorant, money-wasting, paranormal-believing...

U.S. research teams

yeah.
 
2009-10-12 05:24:05 PM  
zergwatch.comView Full Size


I'VE GOT BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS
OF GOLF.
 
2009-10-12 05:24:23 PM  
blogcdn.comView Full Size
 
2009-10-12 05:24:42 PM  
There I was, shootin' some golf when this fella comes walkin up to me and goes, "Hey mister! Wanna buy some golf balls?" Well, my game ain't quite as good as I'd like it to be and I had lost quite a few that day, so I was in poor need of some new balls. So I says, "Sho' sonny, how much?" The boy leans over and goes, "That'll be about tree fitty." Well about that time I notice that this fella ain't no fella at all. He was a fifteen foot tall reptile from the Cresiazoithic area. I screamed at 'em, "Goddammit Loch Ness Monsta, I ain't givin' you no tree fitty for dem' golf balls. You just been followin' me around all day stealin' my balls and now you just tryin' to sell 'em back ta me." Well that monsta, he pulled himself up to his full height and let out a tremendous roar.

He was mad. He was gonna kick yo' ass.

Shut up woman and let me tell the story.
 
2009-10-12 05:26:30 PM  
Remember that time that Nessy washed up on the shore of the loch all bloated? Yeah, turns out she had an intestinal blockage caused by.... golf balls.
 
2009-10-12 05:29:20 PM  
Biggest. Water hazard. EVAR.
 
2009-10-12 05:32:05 PM  
His online company www.lakeballs.co.uk have been retailing "lake balls" for almost 10 years

"Lake balls" sounds more like an illness than an item.

"I don't go swimming in murky lakes any more. I got a bad case of lake balls last time. Took 3 months of rubbing Rx salve on my junk 2 times a day. I'll be at the casino if you guys need me."
 
2009-10-12 05:32:56 PM  
The loch was angry that day.
 
2009-10-12 05:35:52 PM  
Thank God a marine biologist was on the job.
 
2009-10-12 05:36:31 PM  
Golf in Scotland?
Unpossible.
 
2009-10-12 05:39:38 PM  
i820.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2009-10-12 05:42:09 PM  
I am not a golfer, but what are "plastic covered golf balls"?
 
2009-10-12 05:42:17 PM  
It's turtles... All the way down!

lostgarden.comView Full Size
 
2009-10-12 05:43:18 PM  
I've found 4 golf balls diving about 150 feet offshore; personally, I blame the whale biologist episode of Seinfeld.
 
2009-10-12 05:46:26 PM  
i38.tinypic.comView Full Size

Unrelated
i35.tinypic.comView Full Size

Or is it
 
2009-10-12 05:52:34 PM  
FTA: One witness, conservationist Adrian Shine, told CNN he had seen locals launching balls almost 300 feet into the waters

This makes no sense. I can hit 100 yards with my sand wedge easily.
 
2009-10-12 06:00:12 PM  
"I've dived in various lakes and found 10 to 15 thousand golf balls at a time, its incredible -- but we've never attempted to clear a loch!"

Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again."

img199.imageshack.usView Full Size


754 feet? Amateurs.
 
2009-10-12 06:00:20 PM  
The sea was angry that day my friends.
 
2009-10-12 06:01:42 PM  
Cubes.
 
2009-10-12 06:06:56 PM  
gatsome.comView Full Size
 
2009-10-12 06:08:04 PM  
My God it's full of balls.
 
2009-10-12 06:12:47 PM  

Jarhead_h: "I've dived in various lakes and found 10 to 15 thousand golf balls at a time, its incredible -- but we've never attempted to clear a loch!"

Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again."

754 feet? Amateurs.


wouldn't you just need a vacuum attachment on it?
 
2009-10-12 06:18:13 PM  
ilovetogolf.comView Full Size


underwatergolfball.comView Full Size
 
2009-10-12 06:23:56 PM  
This golf balls malarkey is just the cover story. Those are monster eggs. It's part of a top secret Scottish military weapons program, not unlike the Bay City Rollers.
 
2009-10-12 06:25:36 PM  

loonatic112358: Jarhead_h: "I've dived in various lakes and found 10 to 15 thousand golf balls at a time, its incredible -- but we've never attempted to clear a loch!"

Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again."

754 feet? Amateurs.

wouldn't you just need a vacuum attachment on it?


You could call it the Paris Hilton Module.
 
2009-10-12 06:32:08 PM  

Do the needful: You could call it the Paris Hilton Module.


why, is she good at hoovering up small white balls?
 
2009-10-12 06:32:53 PM  
Loch balls sounds ghey.
 
2009-10-12 06:34:59 PM  
AC/DC to the dark loch courtesy phone. Paging AC/DC...
 
2009-10-12 06:40:09 PM  

loonatic112358: Jarhead_h: "I've dived in various lakes and found 10 to 15 thousand golf balls at a time, its incredible -- but we've never attempted to clear a loch!"

Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again."

754 feet? Amateurs.

wouldn't you just need a vacuum attachment on it?


Not to be technical but a vaccum that can suck 23.8 atmospheres absolute is not something you can get at Kmart.
 
2009-10-12 06:40:36 PM  
Mouthful of balls (new window).
 
2009-10-12 06:41:30 PM  

TenPoundSledge: [pic of Horta eggs]


NO
DRIVE
I

 
2009-10-12 06:52:55 PM  
One witness, conservationist Adrian Shine, told CNN he had seen locals launching balls almost 300 feet into the waters.

Them locals aint no Lama.
 
2009-10-12 07:00:22 PM  
The US produces about 25 million dozen golf balls a year. If you looked at a lake on any golf course here you would find out where most of them go. Golfers just don't throw them away. That's 25 million dozen every year.

I'd guess Scotland isn't much different.
 
2009-10-12 07:10:22 PM  
Maybe they're Nessie eggs...
 
2009-10-12 07:12:18 PM  

2wolves: AC/DC to the dark loch courtesy phone. Paging AC/DC...


Or, maybe, Nazareth, much closer for them.......

/balls
//big balls
/B.C.Rollers are the ghey
 
2009-10-12 07:19:04 PM  
Another suburban family morning
Grandmother screaming at the wall
We have to shout above the din of our rice crispies
We can't hear anything at all

SLYT(^)
/Lovely bit of Hedge-hopping
//Now, would I?
 
2009-10-12 07:30:57 PM  
But are they touching?
 
2009-10-12 07:53:21 PM  
Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Scotish countryside near Loch Ness. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Scotish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Scotsman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fook sake", says the Scotsman, "BMW thinks of everything."
 
2009-10-12 08:07:28 PM  
@WLPyromaniac

Tiger Woods drives his Buick into a petrol station in a remote part of the Scotish countryside near Loch Ness. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Scotish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Scotsman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fook sake", says the Scotsman, "Buick thinks of everything."

ftfy

/knows buick is no longer a sponsor
 
2009-10-12 08:15:25 PM  

2wolves: AC/DC to the dark loch courtesy phone. Paging AC/DC...


i21.photobucket.comView Full Size

 
2009-10-12 08:21:22 PM  

DetroitDave: 2
Or, maybe, Nazareth, much closer for them.......

/balls
//big balls
/B.C.Rollers are the ghey


Who listens to Nazareth? I refuse to even entertain the B.C.R. reference.
 
2009-10-12 09:15:37 PM  

D00z3r: @WLPyromaniac

Tiger Woods drives his Buick into a petrol station in a remote part of the Scotish countryside near Loch Ness. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Scotish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger.

"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Scotsman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Fook sake", says the Scotsman, "Buick thinks of everything."

ftfy

/knows buick is no longer a sponsor


You might be interested to know the Scotts pronounce it Goff.

Without the L.

/doody
 
2009-10-12 09:35:33 PM  
z.about.comView Full Size


I'm on... TV...
 
2009-10-12 10:31:41 PM  
static.reelmovienews.comView Full Size

About the biggest pair you've ever seen, Dingleberry!

/Hot like those Jersey Girls...
//damn shame they all don't look like that...
 
2009-10-12 10:52:48 PM  
What's Nessie going to practice with if they clean them all out?
 
2009-10-12 11:17:38 PM  
Those loch balls should be worth tree fitty each.
 
2009-10-13 12:38:26 AM  
They all look like landscapes from close up.
 
Tui
2009-10-13 01:44:49 AM  
Came for Seinfeld and was about to leave satisfied, then I was surprised with an Arrested Development reference. Leaving even more satisfied.
 
2009-10-13 02:13:09 AM  
 
2009-10-13 02:46:41 AM  
Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again."

I just want to know if that's the depth of the loch, or the depth at which the water is compressed/heavy enough that the ball floats.
 
2009-10-13 12:14:29 PM  
HelpDeskChick:

Hmmm... bobbing along? sitting on the bottom, or floating. I wish I understood Scottish better.

/ kidding
 
2009-10-13 01:00:33 PM  

ScurvyMcGurk: I'm on... TV...


1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size


Yea, those are balls.
 
2009-10-13 01:44:17 PM  

HelpDeskChick: Bobbing along at a depth of 754 feet, it's unlikely these balls of Loch Ness will ever see the light of day again."

I just want to know if that's the depth of the loch, or the depth at which the water is compressed/heavy enough that the ball floats.


Water pressure will not make golf balls float.

Depth does not affect buoyancy.
 
2009-10-13 01:54:20 PM  

T.M.S.: Depth does not affect buoyancy.


Yes it does. As you go deeper the density of the water increases, increased density is increased buoyancy.
 
2009-10-13 02:01:03 PM  
relevant (pops up like a barrel not attached to a great white)
 
2009-10-13 02:11:05 PM  

medius: relevant (pops up like a barrel not attached to a great white)


Well, kinda. That assumes "perfect" water that never varies in temperature nor any increase in dissolved solids. In reality wood, as it gets waterlogged, will sink only to "float" on top of thermal boundaries, you can hear 'em hit the keel of sailboats on the St. Lawrence.
 
2009-10-13 02:21:08 PM  
I said it was relevant, not that it was accurate, but I do believe one of the posters gives some mention to salinity and temps.

I've heard and have possibly seen pictures of underwater caves where if you look down from a fresh water pocket the divide between salt and fresh water looks like it could be water and air.
 
2009-10-13 02:32:40 PM  

GaidinBDJ: T.M.S.: Depth does not affect buoyancy.

Yes it does. As you go deeper the density of the water increases, increased density is increased buoyancy.


No it does not. At least not enough to make a difference in this case.

Water does not compress therefore the density does not change.
 
2009-10-13 02:43:12 PM  
we're getting off topic

images2.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size
 
2009-10-14 02:10:41 AM  

T.M.S.: HelpDeskChick:Water pressure will not make golf balls float.

Depth does not affect buoyancy.


Well, liquids don't compress MUCH, but enough pressure will compress water and increased density WOULD make something float which sank previously. I didn't think it would be enough difference, though, since it takes a heck of a lot of pressure to make a very minimal difference in water's density.

LanceWithABee: HelpDeskChick:

Hmmm... bobbing along? sitting on the bottom, or floating. I wish I understood Scottish better.

/ kidding


Exactly what made me wonder... doesn't sound like sitting on the bottom, though I doubt they would float (see above). Of course it could be a stylistic oddity, maybe the author was thinking of them rolling about and being in water and just decided to try to be clever.

/Wow, I got made fun of by two people in opposite directions.
 
2009-10-14 11:25:04 AM  

HelpDeskChick: T.M.S.: HelpDeskChick:Water pressure will not make golf balls float.

Depth does not affect buoyancy.

Well, liquids don't compress MUCH, but enough pressure will compress water and increased density WOULD make something float which sank previously. I didn't think it would be enough difference, though, since it takes a heck of a lot of pressure to make a very minimal difference in water's density.

LanceWithABee: HelpDeskChick:

Hmmm... bobbing along? sitting on the bottom, or floating. I wish I understood Scottish better.

/ kidding

Exactly what made me wonder... doesn't sound like sitting on the bottom, though I doubt they would float (see above). Of course it could be a stylistic oddity, maybe the author was thinking of them rolling about and being in water and just decided to try to be clever.

/Wow, I got made fun of by two people in opposite directions.


The column required to compress water molecules to the point where they increase the buoyancy of an object would crush the object to microscopic proportions.
 
2009-10-14 12:18:17 PM  

T.M.S.:
The column required to compress water molecules to the point where they increase the buoyancy of an object would crush the object to microscopic proportions.


Figured as much, but didn't care enough to look it up. I'm not sure what the density of a golf ball is, and how much more dense it is than water... if it's close and you figure in that the water is colder down there which contracts it some, it might almost be plausible.

Didn't quite sound like it would work, but it would be cooler if there was this random layer of golf balls floating halfway down!
 
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