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(Reuters)   Jesus gave St. Peter keys to kingdom of heaven, Vatican loses them   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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14892 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Mar 2003 at 10:26 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

261 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-03-13 02:36:18 PM  
Oops, there's a truck stop instead of St. Peter.

I could go for a heaven key right now. Ah the powers I'd have...
2003-03-13 02:41:44 PM  
That's ok, the Vatican can just ask the Japanese if they can borrow the "Ladder to Heaven." Maybe they can sneak in through a window or something.
2003-03-13 03:05:29 PM  
Was prolly god sending a message that you won't find the keys in the Vatican.
2003-03-13 06:10:44 PM  
Can't wait to see the flames on this thread.
2003-03-13 08:37:04 PM  
Can't wait to find the keys on sale on eBay.
2003-03-13 09:07:56 PM  
Aw damn! They say "DO NOT DUPLICATE" on them.
2003-03-13 10:31:15 PM  
now I'll never get in there...

/dude - cool keyring

/nothing really
2003-03-13 10:31:38 PM  
I swear to GOD, it was just here yesterday!
2003-03-13 10:31:58 PM  
don't they have a spare set somewhere?
2003-03-13 10:32:11 PM  
Dude, somebody's probably out there keying cars with it...
2003-03-13 10:33:23 PM  
Who cares about the keys? That hand's on the loose!

2003-03-13 10:33:56 PM  
now the catholics cant get in.. even if they are faithful (which is not often likely).... ROFL...
2003-03-13 10:34:15 PM  
Thats really strange....there are normally tons of people in there, and also tons of security...
2003-03-13 10:34:18 PM  
It's not like that crap wasn't just made up in the first place, just make some new ones. Problem solved.
2003-03-13 10:36:36 PM  
Wait.. there's a locked door atop that stairway my sister bought?
2003-03-13 10:36:36 PM  
Anti-Catholicism flames in 5...4...3...2...

/grabs rosary beads and ducks for cover
2003-03-13 10:36:45 PM  
Check in the cushions of the couch. I always find my keys there. Damned car key gnomes.
2003-03-13 10:39:48 PM  
There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
And when she gets there she knows if the stores are closed
With a word she can get what she came for

/still keeping cover
2003-03-13 10:40:41 PM  
How could God let this happen? You think the keys to eternal bliss would be better guarded, instead of intrusting them to a statue.
2003-03-13 10:41:45 PM  
2003-03-13 10:42:22 PM  
I have the elevator keys to heaven, I rock.
2003-03-13 10:42:53 PM  
I sure am glad i got the keyless entry package for the extra $75.99 per month. haha! suckers.
2003-03-13 10:44:02 PM  
They need one of those things where you whistle and the keyring chirps back at you.
2003-03-13 10:44:21 PM  
Ha, ha, ha, ha. Should have put one of those clappers on the keychain.
2003-03-13 10:44:40 PM  
Does this mean no one can get into heaven? Damn! I just wasted every Sunday morning for nuttin'.
2003-03-13 10:48:53 PM  
Note that it is the left hand that is missing, and I am strictly right handed. When I use the left hand it feels like... well like someone else... like St. Peter is doing it.
2003-03-13 10:49:35 PM  
They're always in the last place you look.
2003-03-13 10:50:02 PM  
Homerjay - I wouldn't worry too much about it. All they do there is eat pistachio ice cream and listen to WHAM! albums.
2003-03-13 10:50:37 PM  
Actually, the keys are to my hot rod, which Jesus built
2003-03-13 10:51:23 PM  
Not the first time something like this has happened in the Vatican. I believe during the 70's someone smashed the face of the Virgin of Michaelangelo's Pieta.
2003-03-13 10:52:06 PM  
and Fr._Peter_Fitznuggly, you are going directly to hell....
2003-03-13 10:52:10 PM  
Jeebus, please make all the flashing ads stop! (except sbb, for obvious reasons) Where are those goggles? First the keys to heaven, now my gogs.
2003-03-13 10:56:12 PM  
Cursed Visigoths!
2003-03-13 10:56:31 PM  
I hear the Pope swore like a sailor when told of the missing keys. /"That was the loudest profanity i've ever heard!" Ned Flanders
2003-03-13 10:57:38 PM  
They're always in the last place you look.

not for me...i always make it a point to continue looking after i've found them...
2003-03-13 10:58:04 PM  
Scrotar:Who cares about the keys? That hand's on the loose!


[image from too old to be available]

Never mind, found it!
2003-03-13 11:01:15 PM  
beep, beep. who got da keys to my jeep?
2003-03-13 11:02:21 PM  
He knew this was going to happen.
2003-03-13 11:04:45 PM  
Why doesn't the Pope simply say a prayer to St. Anthony, asking for his intercession? For you non-Catholics, St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost items.
2003-03-13 11:05:24 PM  
This is why we can't have nice things.
2003-03-13 11:05:52 PM  
canada just got internet...

what does ROFL mean
2003-03-13 11:09:27 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-13 11:11:03 PM  
Jesus gave me a good price on roofing my house.
2003-03-13 11:11:21 PM  
Actually; that's not such a bad thing to steal
2003-03-13 11:18:29 PM  
Good suggestion, NitneLiun. As a man of the clothe I will lead all farkers in prayer. (For you non-Catholics, just repeat this verbatim-- no ad libbing).

St. Anthony of Padua, humbly we beseech your intercession. Some jack off has made of with St. Peter's left hand. Please find it ASAP. Why don't you check with St. Nicholas of Myra, the patron saint of theives. But it certainly could be employed in deviant sex practices, so you may also want to check with the patron saints of sexual temptation: St. Angela of Foligno, St. Catherine of Siena, St. Margaret of Cortona, St. Mary of Edessa, St. Mary of Egypt, St. Mary Magdalen, St. Mary Magdalen of Pazzi, or St. Pelagia of Antioch.

And while your at it, we humbly ask you to smite the damn thief, hip and bone.

2003-03-13 11:18:58 PM  
*goes to cry, pray, and flagellate self*
2003-03-13 11:19:46 PM  
Sounds like their left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.
2003-03-13 11:22:26 PM  
Holy hand job!
2003-03-13 11:23:51 PM  
goes to cry, pray, and flagellate self

You misspelled fellate.
2003-03-13 11:24:24 PM  
There's usually a spare set under the flowerpot on the front porch.
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