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(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 223: "Do It Yourself". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme   (farktography.net) divider line
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870 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Aug 2009 at 12:01 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2009-08-12 8:00:46 PM  
Welcome to Farktography!

This Week's Theme: "Do It Yoursel"

Description
: Use a series of three photos to teach us a skill. A spinoff of the Take Three theme, where the photographer demonstrates how to do something in three steps.Explanations welcome.Post all three of the same series in the same post. Limit 2 series of 3 photos.

We ask that before submitting your photos you read and adhere to the following submission rules including but not limited to the following:

Submissions must be photographs; screen captures do not count as photographs.
- You must be the original photographer of your entry. Do not submit anyone else's photography as your own.
- You are only allowed to enter a photograph once. Do not submit the same photo to another contest later.
- You may enter 3 photos in each contest as long as each photo is of a different composition.
- Please post each photo separately so they can be voted for individually.


The overarching ideal behind Farktography is that image corrections are acceptable, while adding or removing elements in the image (e.g. removing telephone poles, adding Elvis) is not acceptable. HDR, stitching, or otherwise combining exposures in post processing are not allowed unless specified for a particular theme (multiple exposures done in-camera are acceptable, however).

See the Rule for more information on acceptable modifications, or check in at the Farkography Forums

Legal: All photographers submitting photos to this contest are the legal copyright holders for the photos submitted and the photos are not to be considered free for any other use without written consent from the submitting photographers.

To have your photo website listed on the Farktography home page, please send your Fark username and url to admin(at)farktography.net and we'll get you up forthwith. (also, indicate if you're willing to share your photographs for use as source images in PhotoShop contests)

- Drop by the Farktography Forums (for chatting, critique, techtalk and so on)

- Image hosting sites can be found here.
 
2009-08-12 8:01:08 PM  
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do, just follow these steps

Step 1: Cut a hole in a box
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Step 2: Put your junk in that box
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Step 3: Have her open the box
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And that's the way you do it!
 
2009-08-12 8:01:09 PM  
How to find a geocache

1. Buy a Garmin GPSMap 60csx unit. There are lots of other choices but none as good. Go to geocaching dot com and find a cache in your area that sounds like fun, then load the coordinates for the cache onto your Garmin. All caches have 1 to 5 star ratings showing how tricky the hide is and how tough the terrain will be.


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2. Ignore all trails and easy routes. Cut right through the woods. Finding log bridges to balance on is a bonus. If you're bringing young ones along make sure to pack lots of trinkets that they can trade for "treasure" when you find the cache.


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3. Step 3 = profit!


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2009-08-12 8:01:10 PM  
Step 1. Collect Underpants
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Step 2. ????
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Step 3. Profit!
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2009-08-12 8:01:14 PM  
Learning Japanese, in 3 (not easy) steps:



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Kanji Practice


This is 大人の漢字練習(Otona no Kanji Renshuu) for the DS, the best Kanji learning system for the DS. Do this every day. (A book to give definitions for the kanji would be useful, the specific one depends on how you learn, but I use A Guide to Remembering Japanese Characters by Kenneth G. Henshall)

A 電子辞書 might be useful, but those can be gotten at HARD-OFF.

Read books, this is a simpler one aimed for a younger audience.


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Japanese Class In Japan


This didn't seem obvious to me until a year ago, but the best way to learn a language is to... go to a country where that language is spoken and take classes.

Do not teach English with the goal of studying Japanese in your spare time, that doesn't work.


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Be The Only White Guy In The Room


Put yourself in situations where you either speak Japanese or don't communicate. Yes all Japanese people study English, but that doesn't mean that they can talk in English. Meet people at International Parties, and then hang out with them.

Yes, it takes a long time. But, these are the pieces that were most important (or not as obvious as they should have been) to me.
 
2009-08-12 8:01:15 PM  
Step 1: Cut a hole in the box

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(all images pop larger)

/Mad props to Justin Timberlake (pops)
 
2009-08-12 8:01:21 PM  
Make Your Own Tripod Strap
Materials Required:

1 old camera strap (or any shoulder strap of the appropriate length)
2 split rings
2 cheap nylon "luggage straps" cut short
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This is the key to getting it to work. I tucked the cut end of the luggage strap back through the slider to create a second loop for the split ring, then melted the cut end of the strap so it can't slip out:
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Here's the whole thing:
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2009-08-12 8:01:45 PM  
Today we're teaching you the oh so important skill of making toast!

Firstly you'll select two slices of bread out of the bag (bread of your own choice of course)
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Inset the bread into the lovely toater. Once you push the button down, the machine does the hard part for you! Mmm toasty! Remember to set your color before hitting that button! Burnt toast is yucky...
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Once it pops out hot and golden, then of course something needs to go on the toast! I prefer butter but you can use jelly or jam or that gross marmalade stuff too.
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Now it's ready for consumption! Bon appetite!
 
2009-08-12 8:01:55 PM  
How you can use farktography to skillfully convince the neighborhood that you're nutso in 3 easy steps

1. Line up your pez collection on the front porch like a little army. Take lots of pictures.


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2. Hang a plastic toy horse from a noose. Wander around the back yard dangling said horse in front of your camera for 10 minutes.


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3. Put a panty on your head. Take lots of pictures of yourself on the back porch, not noticing the work crew next door staring in shocked disbelief.


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B-sides for the Collections, Word Play and Vice themes. Click for biggger.

 
2009-08-12 8:02:14 PM  
 
2009-08-12 8:02:18 PM  
Wildland Firefighting:
The essentials

First, you need a fire. If you don't have one handy, look at step #1.


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Setting Fire


Using fire to fight fire is useful. A fusee (used here) or a drip torch can go a long ways, and create a large area of "black", or burned area.


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Fireline


A dozer made fireline. In light grass the fireline only has to be about a foot wide. It should ring the fire, and then you have to make sure that the fire doesn't jump the line.


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No Hose


Occasionally water will be used, but with only 300 gallons on most wildland firetrucks, it doesn't go far. Note that hoses are useful, but not strictly necessary. My favorite size is 3/4", which has normal garden hose style fittings and adapters, but is a cloth hose.


There isn't a strict order in these steps, as a small fire might be extinquished with water (if you have a hydrant handy, for example), and natural features should be used as parts of the fireline, with backfire starting from that.
 
2009-08-12 8:02:38 PM  
Step One: Steal Panties

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(bigger^)

Step Two: ???


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(bigger^)

Step Three: Profit!!


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(bigger^)

 
2009-08-12 8:03:12 PM  
Since you now know how to make toast, perhaps you'd like some tea to go with that toast.

First fill the tea ball with your favorite loose tea like so careful not to spill some like I did:
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Place the filled tea ball into a mug of your choice (I like the pretty flowers on this one!) Then you carefully pour hot water into the cup and over the tea ball (holding said ball is not necessary but I wanted to show off my nice nails :P )
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After proper steep time (check your tea box/canister for times!), remove the tea ball and drink (but be sure to let the tea cool so you don't burn yourself as I did. we almost got a spit take with this shot)
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/and fyi, it's black raspberry tea (yummy!) not Rose of Suzhou, which was a flowering tea which looked cool as hell but tasted like ass
//and for people who love tea, Teavana is a great place to find a huge variety of interesting teas
 
2009-08-12 8:03:46 PM  
Elsinore's Guide to Creating Art Too Deviant for deviantArt.
A true story and cautionary tale.

1. Obtain a camera. Any camera will do.
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2. Obtain Barbie dolls. A Ken doll would be a bonus, too.
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3. Shoot your Barbie and Ken dolls in various compromising, yet hilarious positions.
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Now you, too, can be deemed too deviant for dA!
 
2009-08-12 8:04:53 PM  
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How to Sharpen a Chainsaw

 
2009-08-12 8:05:59 PM  
Step One - Cut a hole in a box.

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Step Two - Put your junk in that box

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Step Three - Have her open the box.

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SNL Digital Short link to d#@k in a box video

Bigger Step #1
Bigger step #2
Bigger Step #3

 
2009-08-12 8:06:23 PM  
Swampa's chicken caesar salad
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Assemble the ingredients: Lettuce, bacon, eggs, bread, roast chicken, parmesan cheese and caesar sauce.
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Prepare the ingredients: Rip the lettuce into 1 inch squares, cook the bacon and cut into small strips, hard boil the eggs and cut into pieces, toast the bread and cut into small pieces, rip the chicken into small pieces and grate the cheese.
Once that is done, mix all the ingredients except the caesar sauce together.
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Put the mixture in a bowl then drizzle the caesar sauce over it when ready to serve (it makes the mixture go soggy otherwise).

/All images pop to bigger.

 
2009-08-12 8:08:42 PM  
Swampa's katsudon
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Assemble the ingredients: Pork steaks, eggs, spring onions, panko bread crumbs, vegetable stock, soy sauce, sake, mirin and rice.
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Prepare the ingredients: Break an egg into a bowl and whisk it so that the white and yoke mix. Take the pork and put it in the egg then put it in the bread crumbs so that each piece is nicely coated. Cut the spring onions into half inch pieces. Mix 1/3 cup of soy sauce, 1/3 cup of mirin, 1 cup of vegetable stock and a splash of sake into a saucepan (this makes enough for two).
Cook the rice. Deep fry the pork. When almost done deep frying, put heat to the sauce. When the sauce is bubbling, add the spring onions and cook for about 5 minutes.
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Cut the deep fried pork into half inch strips. Put the rice in the bowl, put the pork on top, break an egg on top if that is your thing and then pour the sauce over the top.

/All images pop to bigger.

 
2009-08-12 8:15:40 PM  
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How to Play Darts...A Dartboard and Two Opponents!

 
2009-08-12 8:17:57 PM  
Cooking Bacon

Step 1
Remove bacon from freezer
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Step 2
Cook bacon on grill
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Step 3
Eat bacon!! Mmmmm!!!
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2009-08-12 8:19:23 PM  
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find a bear
kill it with a knife
proudly display its remains :)
 
2009-08-12 8:27:57 PM  
Light a camp fire
Step 1

Pile up empty beer cases and scrap wood
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Step 2

Cover generously with Boy Scout Water
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Step 3

Light and enjoy!
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/shakes fist at U-Man
 
2009-08-12 8:31:42 PM  
How to spin a collie

Step 1. Find a collie. Brush him vigorously. Collect the fluffy stuff.

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Step 2. Break out your Majacraft Susie spinning wheel and start spinning.

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Step 3. Take your skein of collieyarn to someone who knows how to knit.

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(note - no collies were harmed in the production of this tutorial...and prior knowledge of spinning might be helpful.)

 
2009-08-12 8:40:59 PM  
First, get a drill, a stapler and some screw back spikes.
Then drill a hole in the stapler.
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Put the screw through the hole.
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Screw the spike into the screw.
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TADAAAAAAAA!
 
2009-08-12 8:47:34 PM  
How to make your own wedding bands

Step 1. Marry a metalsmith who owns a kiln, oxyacetylene torches, vacuum caster, dental wax and a stash of silver (the ring your ex gave you works just fine, too.) Use her skills to make a master ring out of dental wax.

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Step 2. After encasing the master in investment material and firing it in the kiln at 12000 for six hours to cook out the wax, melt your ex's gift in a crucible with the oxyacetylene torch and pour the hot metal into the mold.

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Step 3. Once the metal has set up, quench the investment in a bucket of water to break up the mold. Fish the new token of one's affection out of the water and polish to taste.

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(my woman has looms, spinning wheels and oxyacetylene torches...she has better tools than I do.)

 
2009-08-12 9:10:43 PM  
Makin' Bacon

Step 1. Open bacon package of your choice.

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Step 2. Cook Bacon. The method shown here is fan frying, however you may choose to bake or *gasp* nuke your bacon as well. This is the hardest step, as you must suffer through smelling it cook without being able to eat it yet.

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Step 3. Prepare to be dazzled. Remove from the pan, let drain, and devour with your meal of choice. My family enjoyed BLT's with the pictured bacon.

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2009-08-12 9:15:28 PM  
How to Succeed at Farktography
by bucky_bacon

Step 1: Use cute baby pictures

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Step 2: Use your subject to spell out "FARK"

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Step 3: If all else fails... BUGGSECKS!

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Good Luck!

 
2009-08-12 9:16:44 PM  
Putting together this Dang Blasted Farking Wooden Puzzle that a 10 YO had to show me how to do. :)

Step 1. Find and assemble the first 2 pieces. This is key, or else you will spend forever with little wooden blocks on your desk.

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Step 2. Continue with remaining pieces.

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Step 3. Wipe your brow and have a cold brew. Go ahead! You've earned it.

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With a very special thank you to the 10 YO model. :)
 
2009-08-12 9:18:17 PM  
How to be Gangsta in Three Easy Steps
by bucky_bacon

Step 1: Ask to borrow $20 from your mom.

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Step 2: Buy a book of hand shadows. Don't spend more than $3.

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Step 3: Use the internet to share what you've learned!

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Now that's Gangsta!

 
2009-08-12 9:31:28 PM  
Wow! I am seriously outclassed in this contest. So I whittled my narration down to 7 words:

1) Buy Wood
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2) Cut Wood
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3) Assemble and enjoy
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2009-08-12 9:38:00 PM  
Barbequing with a watermelon

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2009-08-12 11:54:34 PM  
So if you're like me, you'll often forget about things like the big potluck down at the radio station where you do your volunteer show on every other Saturday night. So you'll find yourself sitting in the dark with the dog and the playstation, and realize you need to get to work. But you have to do so without waking your long-suffering spouse, who already has to brace herself for another winter of you traipsing around in the dark of Alaska taking photos of the sky in when it's freezing outside.

Step 1. quietly, and by the light of just the open fridge door, assemble all necessary ingredients for the dish you were planning on making.

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Step 2. Do a little light prep work in the dark, but realize you can't run the Cuisinart or you'll wake up the hyper-alert fox terrier, who will alert the neighborhood to your late night cooking. Gather all your knives, ingredients, food processor, spice grinder, mortar and pestle, bag of key limes, all that peeled garlic, and head out to the garage for a little food processing with the camping lanterns.

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Step 3. Casually stand around and take compliments on your roasted salmon with anise harissa like it was no big deal. Watch with pride as the hungry masses gather by the salmon like so many bearded Hawaiian shirt wearing hippie bears. Try not to nod off in the corner because you only slept 2 hours last night. Hooray public radio! No ma'am, you can't have the recipe. My Moroccan grandmother made me swear I'd never give it away. Yeah, well, I'm adopted. Hey, what'd you pay for that plate full of salmon, anyway? Wanna know what I paid for it?

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click any image for larger.
 
2009-08-13 12:06:41 AM  
and then, after starting the Midnight Salmon Project, you realize you need *two* sets of three images for the farktography contest. Why not show the folks the behind the scenes?

step 1. yes, you're really making a marinade out of many peeled cloves of fresh garlic in the middle of the night. no, you didn't have to do it all in the dark. it's all facepaint and sequins, kids. you did, however, honestly take a six minute shot of your kitchen counter by fridge light, because you're a purist in only the really strange ways.

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step 2. yes, you really did have to go out into the garage to grind the cumin seeds and the anise and cut yourself on the Cuisinart blade. Not the first time you've made an unholy mess on the top of this poor washing machine in the name of Farktography. Yes, you could have taken the photo of the spinning food processor with the lights on, but dammit, it's dark outside and this is how you take photographs when it's dark. You know how much I spent on this tripod? Am I not going to use it? Oh hell no.

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step 3. after all the fun and games, you've got to clean the kitchen up now, gingerly, quietly, and keeping the Chili Incident of 2001 in mind, thoroughly, because after all, that poor woman puts up with enough of your late night antics without having to clean the kitchen in the morning.

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this week's farktography entries are dedicated to my loving wife April, who has gone to great lengths to lie to me about what I'm like to live with. I love you, babe.
 
2009-08-13 12:13:56 AM  
Steps for making a pb&j sammich
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Thanks to my friend Rachael for bein my sammich makin model.
 
2009-08-13 12:17:29 AM  
FOCUS
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FLIRT
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"FUN" ;)
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2009-08-13 12:23:17 AM  
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1. Ingredients


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2. Simmer


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1. Add cheese!
 
2009-08-13 12:52:59 AM  
No idea what this DIY is about... but what the fark... here goes nothing.
Step 1: Choose a rock
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Step 2: Hold rock
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Step 3: Throw rock on floor
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Repeat steps as necessary until desired effect is achieved.
 
2009-08-13 1:18:28 AM  
Playing the Fool

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1. The Board is set

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2. The opening mistake

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3. The game is lost.

-----
Been awhile since I've participated in a Farktography thread. With I'd had more time to devote to this one. Didn't have the proper lighting to do this how I really wanted.

I wanted to also do "how to make the perfect Gin&Tonic".

Anyway, nice work (as usual), everyone. So many of you put my photography to shame. :)
 
2009-08-13 1:29:49 AM  
1: Put booze in the blender.
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2: Drink until this happens.
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3: Enjoy.
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Special thanks to my old camera for dying in such a spectacular way.
 
2009-08-13 7:10:27 AM  
 
2009-08-13 7:59:06 AM  
WARNING!
DO NOT ATTEMPT AT HOME


(don't attempt at all, anywhere, really)

First, check your local laws regarding distilling. If it's legal, learn braille, get a distilling flask and a wall mount dispenser pack of purell (or some other cheap source of alcohol.)

Fill your distilling flask about 2/3 of the way with purell.
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Wrap the top very tightly with foil and slowly heat in a double boiler to EXACTLY 173°F. After you've been at 173°F for about 30 seconds or so, put a long necked flask to catch the alcohol. Use rubber tubing if you have it.

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You now have a flask of mostly alcohol with a slightly bitter chemical flavor and a slightly floral smell. If you're using plastic bottle vodka or some other fancy pants liquor, you can skip the preceding steps.

Finally, throw some berries or botanicals or whatever you want booze to taste like in a jar and wait a couple weeks.
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2009-08-13 8:41:59 AM  
Step 1: Tear up old floor.
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Step 2: Install Subfloor
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Step 3: Put down tile:
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2009-08-13 9:39:48 AM  
How to plant a tree:
Step 1) Buy tree, bring to location
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Step 2) Dig big-ass hole
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Step 3) Put tree in hole and fill in
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/Bugger, all 3 medium images too big for Fark, so you get the smalls
 
2009-08-13 9:45:57 AM  
How to turn a bowl on the lathe:

Step 1) Mount blank on lathe
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Step 2) Remove all the wood that isn't a bowl
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Step 3) Apply finish
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