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(SFGate)   Monkey escapes UC Berkeley lab; tries to date Katherine Ross   ( sfgate.com) divider line
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7102 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2003 at 12:49 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-02-27 10:00:51 AM  
Firstly, I used to know a Scottish guy called "Tan Rhesus Macaque".

Secondly, this is clearly taken from a bad soap opera - people just don't have names like "Lisa Lapin", and "Dallas Hyde".

Thirdly, I like the image of a quiverring Lab Tech been hooked up to a lie detector and asked "Do you think your monkey is dead and lost in a sewer?"
2003-02-27 10:16:14 AM  
"They didn't pump it very hard, because they didn't want to injure it,"

Advice to live by.
2003-02-27 10:24:37 AM  
"They could be disciplined for improperly handling the primate"

"a grinder in the sewer may have chewed the monkey to pieces"

Is there a single line in this article that isn't bizarrely surreally funny?

Okay, I'll shut up now.
2003-02-27 10:27:16 AM  
Cornielius or Peter Tork?
2003-02-27 11:07:42 AM  
The headline says UC Berkeley, but the article says UC Davis. From my memory of living in the bay area Berkeley and Davis are about 80 miles apart. But hey I have been wrong before.
2003-02-27 12:56:02 PM  

Mike Nesmith.
2003-02-27 12:56:59 PM  
Quit spanking it!
2003-02-27 12:57:06 PM  
Randy: You expect a monkey to know the difference (including the one who submitted this link)?
2003-02-27 12:58:35 PM  
Had to be these guys:
[image from newsaskew.com too old to be available]
2003-02-27 12:58:55 PM  
2003-02-27 12:59:54 PM  
After seeing this story, I have determined that I should now prepare to fully welcome our monkey overlords. Must find my post-apocalypse woman immediately.

[image from toyshow.org too old to be available]

2003-02-27 01:00:13 PM  
I feel bad for the monkey. It may have been better off not running away..
2003-02-27 01:00:36 PM  
Gurn - you beat me to it...

[image from www1.uol.com.br too old to be available]

2003-02-27 01:00:44 PM  
She was a bad monkey for running away from the lab. If they ever catch her, they will have to spank the monkey. Didn't see that one coming, did you?
2003-02-27 01:02:04 PM  
dear god they said monkey a lot in there

heheh monkey.
2003-02-27 01:02:41 PM  
LOL, Bump!
2003-02-27 01:03:01 PM  
never monkey with another monkey's monkey.
2003-02-27 01:03:08 PM  
Davis is 50 miles away.
Pretty far to walk, or even scamper, to Berkeley.
But I'll still watch my back.
2003-02-27 01:03:37 PM  
Davis NOT Berkeley ASSHAT!
2003-02-27 01:04:04 PM  
I just love Katherine Ross

[image from magazinequeen.com too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:05:01 PM  
2003-02-27 01:05:38 PM  
Okay, you can flush a goldfish, but a monkey?
2003-02-27 01:05:54 PM  
Katherine Ross lives here in Tucson with her own monkey, Sam Elliott. Just FYI. He is very short, too. He was in front of me in a grocery store checkout line once. Cute, for an old monkey.
2003-02-27 01:06:30 PM  
Who wouldn't want to escape Berkeley?

Oh, it was UC-Davis.

But my original statement applies.
2003-02-27 01:07:34 PM  
Damon_Ryde, you beat me to THAT comment!
2003-02-27 01:08:58 PM  
No trace?

The C.H.U.D.s that escaped from the lab last year must have gotten him.
2003-02-27 01:09:16 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:09:28 PM  
goddam monkey-hungry sewers. oh, how those bastards love a good macaque.

"a grinder in the sewer may have chewed the monkey to pieces."
2003-02-27 01:10:20 PM  
I don't know if anyone said this already because reading is so damn boring and lame, but that headline needs help.
2003-02-27 01:10:48 PM  
Tried to date Ross?

[image from friendsnews.net too old to be available]

Poor guy. Marcel turns out to have "the ghey."
2003-02-27 01:11:24 PM  
"The university may never know what happened to the animal, however, because a grinder in the sewer may have chewed the monkey to pieces."

So they think an organ grinder ate the monkey for stealing change out of the cup. The poor monkey was set up, there was no one in the sewr to put money in the cup.

There's a joke ther but I don't have it.
2003-02-27 01:11:48 PM  
MMMMM...Nova. She was hotter than 2 rats farking in a wool sock.
2003-02-27 01:12:13 PM  
Agreed, Bitterman. Katherine Ross was a knockout. I know she's probably old and busted now, but check her out in "The Graduate" and "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid."
60s hotness.
2003-02-27 01:14:42 PM  
ahhhh...I was hoping for a monkey story today.
2003-02-27 01:16:36 PM  
For the record, I would scamper, on my tongue, over broken glass, from Davis to Berkeley for Katherine Ross.

The Davis-to-Berkeley 40 Pound Lost Monkey Blues
2003-02-27 01:16:37 PM  
The university said that scenario would never have happened at the proposed Western National Center for Biodefense and Emerging Diseases because security, which would include armed guards, would be much stricter.

Scene: Medical Animal Labratory
"Hey you Monkey! Stop or I'll Shoot!"

/missing something..... what is it??? spank, shoot, Hmmmm..
2003-02-27 01:18:49 PM  
They are thinking of putting in armed guards to increase security? I don't know if I could be the guard who shoots an escaping monkey.

Guard: Halt right there, monkey!
Monkey: Eeh Eeeh!
Guard: Do you have a pass?
Monkey: Eehh...EEE! *monkey runs*
Guard: Monkey down! I repeat monkey down!!

I hope we don't have to go back to this. That's what they use to do to the lemurs if they tried to escape the lemur colonies. Or maybe it was lepers...I forget but it's just wrong!
2003-02-27 01:19:38 PM  
Goddess, with Primates:

[image from wga.org too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:19:47 PM  
Her name is spelled "Katharine." Further proof that Fark will always be an amateur site.

If you can't get the headlines right, why bother?
2003-02-27 01:23:22 PM  
Gosh, hopefully we'll keep hearing from you, Redhotwheels, your comments are both enlightening and delightfully charming.
2003-02-27 01:26:44 PM  
Ok, fer' cryin' out loud, who the hell cares how to spell her first name? Christ, I bet you won't give a guy a reach-a-round either.


[image from biography.com too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:27:13 PM  
[image from mtholyoke.edu too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:28:30 PM  

I cum hear for the spellin and gramar nazies, and the Trolls. You ain't got that on the profecional sites.
2003-02-27 01:32:58 PM  
"a grinder in the sewer may have chewed the monkey to pieces."

These guys unavailable for comment...

[image from clownmagicnyc.com too old to be available]

[image from mt-healthy-toy.com too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:33:05 PM  
[image from tkstoystand.com too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:33:07 PM  
"The university may never know what happened to the animal, however, because a grinder in the sewer may have chewed the monkey to pieces."

The author deserves some kind of prize for finishing the story with that line.

"She got hit, by a truck..."

/obscure Anthrax reference
2003-02-27 01:33:20 PM  
Skinink, who is that? Is that Catherine Rosse?
2003-02-27 01:34:04 PM  
...did Matthew Broderick share a quick smoke with the monkey in the lab before it went off to the sewer-grinder?

...and a C.H.U.D. reference...what a sweet movie.
2003-02-27 01:34:18 PM  

[image from biography.com too old to be available]
2003-02-27 01:34:47 PM  
I think they're lying about the grinders in the sewers. It was really the alligators that got him, they just don't want us to know.

/watching for big brother.
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