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(Dayton Daily News)   Teenager thwarts robbery, offered job at bank   ( activedayton.com) divider line
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14315 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Feb 2003 at 1:07 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

83 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-26 10:01:32 AM  
Some reward. Stop a robbery, get a minimum wage job standing behind a counter waiting on old people cashing their social security checks.
2003-02-26 10:55:52 AM  
Toads give you thwarts.

Brother, where for thwarts tho?

Thwarts so Good

[/so far from nuthin' that the light from nuthin' will take 50 billion light years to reach me]
2003-02-26 01:09:15 PM  
Chief Robbery Thwarter
2003-02-26 01:11:50 PM  
thanks for saving us

would you like a soul-sucking position with us?
2003-02-26 01:12:39 PM  
"I told him to get the heck out of my car," said Schlorman, who lives on Chicken Bristle Road.

What the hell is a chicken bristle?
2003-02-26 01:13:19 PM  
said Schlorman, who lives on Chicken Bristle Road.

2003-02-26 01:13:49 PM  
Bump: May the thwarts be with you!!

Hmmm, right behind you with that nuthin'
2003-02-26 01:13:54 PM  
Follow-up story 2 months from now: Bank gets robbed by a gang found to have direct connections with Our Hero the new teller...
2003-02-26 01:13:57 PM  
Yeah, what FlipChurn said.
2003-02-26 01:14:03 PM  
Kevin Mitnick hackers surrender.
2003-02-26 01:14:07 PM  
So that's how to get a banking career started. I wonder what the bank president had to do?
2003-02-26 01:14:52 PM  
Minimum wage with no hazard pay. What a deal.
2003-02-26 01:15:25 PM  
Bump, You often get one of the Weenerss in for every story... are you just constantly refreshing the page or do you "know somebody"? :)
2003-02-26 01:15:26 PM  
said Schlorman, who lives on Chicken Bristle Road.

*snort, tee-hee, snort*
2003-02-26 01:15:34 PM  
Gotta love the lady at the grocery store that basically told him to piss off.
2003-02-26 01:15:43 PM  
What the hell are they putting in the water at Valley View High School?

First, a girl tackles someone trying to break into her house and sits on him 'til the cops arrive!

Second, this guy....
2003-02-26 01:16:04 PM  
That pisses me off, I have been looking for a job for three months now, and this guy is offered a job for not getting robbed? Damn it all bob!
2003-02-26 01:16:23 PM  

"Another Valley View student, Melissa Alexander, a junior, thwarted a would-be robber at her farmhouse a few months ago, outrunning him, tackling him and tying him up until police arrived"

Must be the water.
2003-02-26 01:16:25 PM  
Is it just me, or is this an extremely poorly written piece of journalistic crap?
2003-02-26 01:16:33 PM  
RandyJohnson - Sadly, it's still a step up from having to sling deep-fried fat at truckers in a two-bit Wendy's knockoff.
2003-02-26 01:17:05 PM  
Jesus, c-omments = Weenerss now...?
2003-02-26 01:17:33 PM  
Thank God for my Concealed Carry permit. Bring it on, punk.
2003-02-26 01:17:58 PM  
So what job did they offer? Honarary Security Guard?
2003-02-26 01:18:02 PM  
He didn't save shiat. He brought the robber to the bank. He stopped a robbery, but of him, not ze bank.

But the job does sound like a step up
short order cook < Bank teller
2003-02-26 01:18:11 PM  
He's going to have to spend more on cheap suits to appear business-like than it's worth. "Sir, if you'd just squiggle a line from your dollar amount to the end, I would appreciate it."
Actually, the better story is the lady that wouldn't do crap for the robber, "no, I'm not going to help you", and continued shopping.
"Uh, attention shoppers, would somebody PLEASE just give me $60 for a Greyhound ticket to somewhere else?"
2003-02-26 01:18:59 PM  
In my version, the kid gives the guy some bucks and the guy talks him into smoking crack and they fall in love and go krazykinkykat through all the kids' parents life savings and then they go on a killing spree cuz they're getting kinda boring in bed and the sight of blood gets 'em h-o-t HOT! and they get the whole world after 'em til they stumble onto Michael Jackson, but I don't want to spoil the superprize ending.
2003-02-26 01:19:53 PM  
In Soooviet Ruuusia, the banks rob YOU!
2003-02-26 01:20:14 PM  
thwarts & thworcery?
2003-02-26 01:20:53 PM  
"Another Valley View student, Melissa Alexander, a junior, thwarted a would-be robber at her farmhouse a few months ago, outrunning him, tackling him and tying him up until police arrived"

Did anyone else kill kittens to this?
2003-02-26 01:20:54 PM  
This is the MUCH cooler part of the story:

Another Valley View student, Melissa Alexander, a junior, thwarted a would-be robber at her farmhouse a few months ago, outrunning him, tackling him and tying him up until police arrived.
2003-02-26 01:21:00 PM  
Hytes You're so much of a romantic.
2003-02-26 01:22:05 PM  
I just wonder what the expression on his face would have been when two of my .45 cal slugs drilled into his head. I don't advocate everyone carrying weapons but as a former cop I know the chances of police helping you once a robbery is initiated are very slim. Police mainly respond after the fact and then investigate. If this perp had a real weapon this would have ended in a much darker way.
2003-02-26 01:23:03 PM  
Hmmm...awful lot of thwarting going on in Miami township...
2003-02-26 01:23:04 PM  
"Another Valley View student, Melissa Alexander, a junior, thwarted a would-be robber at her farmhouse a few months ago, outrunning him, tackling him and tying him up until police arrived"The funny thing is, there was an article posted on Fark about that very same type of occurrence a couple months ago.. I think it might be the same one

2003-02-26 01:23:34 PM  
Can anyone find out who this chick is? I'd love to meet her!!!!
2003-02-26 01:24:01 PM  
Please, someone force me at gunpoint to drive them to the Playboy mansion ! I need a job (and only the kind of job a Playmate can offer me).

[image from doane.edu too old to be available]

2003-02-26 01:24:10 PM  
Hytes Uh, better keep working those steps pal...

Thwarts what I think anyway...
2003-02-26 01:25:02 PM  
It is, Mikemir. I remember it as well.
2003-02-26 01:25:08 PM  
Is is just me or was the robber going about this all half-assed? I mean come on. He told the kid he only had one bullet, let the kid drive him to bank and then didn't stand near him during the transaction. He was so un-intimidating that he got turned down by what was probably a housewife, and ended up bothering people in the parking lot. Sounds like someone needs to watch "Heat".
2003-02-26 01:25:28 PM  
Skinink "Fluffing" Hugh?
2003-02-26 01:26:14 PM  
"Big Boy's never really went away sir, they still offer the same low prices and great food as always"
2003-02-26 01:27:04 PM  
wow I used to shop at that super market. I'm sure everyone finds that fascinating.

for me, that story brings back memories of :

-the suburban wasteland around the dayton mall
-the unbearably crappy dayton daily news
-valley view high school, which was mongoloid central (no offence)

excuse me, I'm getting verklempt.
2003-02-26 01:28:01 PM  
Who wants to work at a bank anyway. The banker i had for several years was this overweight woman with really hairy arms i lovingly called sasquatch. She earned this not only because of her abnormally hairy forearms but tendancy to gargle and moan while she told me i needed a parents signature to withdrawl money from an account when i was 19 years old. Bankers have bad jobs because they have co-workers like this one.
2003-02-26 01:28:07 PM  
Nancy Reagan is rolling over in her grave.
2003-02-26 01:28:10 PM  
This from Dayton Daily News:

Scores of calls and e-mails were received in the wake of a Dec. 13 story about a 17-year-old German Twp. girl's out-running, tackling and tying up an 18-year-old trespasser who was fleeing in the early morning hours from her Stiver Road home.

Melissa Alexander, a junior at Valley View High School, described by her mother, Vickie Stanley, as a "little bitty thing," has appeared on the Today Saturday show, on Connie Chung on CNN and has been interviewed on numerous radio shows.

Alexander has also been invited to appear on the David Letterman Show.

No word on how her felled victim, 18-year-old Jason N. Burkett of Brookville, charged with theft and criminal trespassing, is taking all the publicity.
2003-02-26 01:31:04 PM  
FlipChurn, you got me. Hair brushes have bristles.

Maybe it was a typo, and it was supposed to be "Chicken Gristle Road"?
2003-02-26 01:43:08 PM  
"Skinink "Fluffing" Hugh?"
Well, I can't let my bleach blond hair and boob job go to waste now, can I ?

[image from pettipond.com too old to be available]

2003-02-26 01:44:50 PM  
Thwart is a cool word..
2003-02-26 01:46:59 PM  
Teenage crimefighters nauseate me. They can't vote or drink, but thwarting? No problem with that. Hypocrisy
2003-02-26 01:52:16 PM  
You can find ANYTHING if you search hard enough:
[image from wcpo.com too old to be available]
[image from wcpo.com too old to be available]

Here's a video interview for you all...
(If my html skillz are l337, had to slap the link together out of javacode)

If not, just check out the news story.
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