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(Porn Shop Stories)   Farker Notsafeforwork has started a journal to describe to crazy things that happen at his porn shop (safe for work)   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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26001 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Feb 2003 at 5:43 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

86 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-23 07:52:06 AM  
Interesting and amusing reading. Keep up the good work!
2003-02-23 08:34:41 AM  
I almost forgot, a guy came from the back for change and he had jizz on his finger, it was so gross I almost gave him a napkin but instead I just threw the money on the counter so I wouldn't have to touch him. Bad move since the spunk was on his knuckle. It smeared on the glass counter. I almost dry heaved. I think I'll leave you with that visual. Good night.

Heh, clerks reference:

Randle: Do you know how much the average jizzmopper makes per hour?
2003-02-23 08:58:06 AM  
Kind of like this but with more misspellings.
2003-02-23 09:07:56 AM  
Very nice. *Added to friends list*
2003-02-23 09:08:34 AM  
Wait a minute, that's not a livejournal. :(

Oh well.
2003-02-23 09:23:12 AM  
Good material.
Writer needs to revisit the most recent stuff and edit for style and spelling, though.
Has potential.
2003-02-23 10:25:42 AM  
Good stuff.
2003-02-23 11:48:32 AM  
Not too bad. The latest entry is written like you are writing it out during your shift. True?
2003-02-23 05:25:09 PM  
For a Farker working at a porn shop and developing a web log about it, Notsafeforwork is a great name.
2003-02-23 07:07:08 PM  
Apparently, I live a very sheltered life.
2003-02-23 07:08:44 PM

Heh. Thanks B0rg9, that was very entertaining for some odd reason. I somehow managed to read everything that girl wrote.
2003-02-23 10:46:18 PM  
Borg, I read all 4 pages of that journal you linked. It was great. Thanks for the link. :)
2003-02-24 06:02:47 AM  
I just finished my fifth redbull

Keep up the good work. Great reading.
2003-02-24 06:09:36 AM  
I love this stuff. My work shifts are usually too boring for this, but I can't imagine a better place to log a shift.
2003-02-24 06:12:57 AM  
good idea! could use a bit of spullcheek tho
2003-02-24 06:13:57 AM  
And I think working in the I.T. Field is boring....
2003-02-24 06:18:46 AM  
I kinda miss the video store days now :p Get some interesting people at night
2003-02-24 06:33:15 AM  
Years ago I used to work for a restaurant delivery service (you call us and we go pick up the food from the restaurant and bring it to you). For some reason the area I worked in was full of Jack Shacks and the women that worked there ordered from us every night. Not sure why, but I always ended up delivering to them. These places were basically fronts for prostitution and not very good ones at that. They felt that it was ok to talk about their latest trick in front of me.

The strip clubs I did not mind delivering to, especially the Gold Club and the Cheetah III. They tipped well and I got special treatment if I went back after I left work.
2003-02-24 06:48:12 AM  
We had these guys come in and I must of sold one of them a pack of Stamina RX because he was like, "Thank you so much for that shiat, it works good" That shiat is nuts. It'll give you the biggest hard-on you've ever had. If I had regular sex, I'd have a bottle of it sitting on my nightstand. You'll get what is called a, "Raging Hard-On", you know one of those boners that you get when your girl is teasing the hell out of you and your aching for her to go down on you or sit down on your dick but she won't. That's what these pills will do for you, after half an hour of taking these pills and your girl starts giving you the, "Come fark me eyes", your boy will stand at attention and stay there maxed out for a long time until you farking blow the biggest load you have had in your life. Two minutes later if she touches your shiat, boing! Ready for motherfarking action. I'm not farking around. I don't have stock in that company but it seriously works, man.

2003-02-24 06:49:49 AM  
i thought "well, this could be interesting" - unfortunately it wasn't.
2003-02-24 06:51:46 AM  
Best ujournal I've ever read.
2003-02-24 06:53:55 AM  
entertaining in an odd way
2003-02-24 07:00:27 AM  
Heh, Borg beat me to the Ali Davis link. Go read that too, as it's much better writing. Not to diminish your link though NSFW, it was pretty entertaining.

I worked in a regular independent video store in Hi skool, and while we weren't porn-centered we did have a small curtained area: the employees snickeringly referred to it as the "smut hut".

Strangest experience I had: I got a call one day from a man, sounded like he was in his 40s. He says, "Hey, you got any good porn?" I say "Yeah we rent adult tapes." So the guy says "So what's a good one?"

There are people waiting in line to pay and this whacko wants me to recommend him pr0n. Great, shall I point him to "Little white chicks, big black monster dicks 21" or perhaps "Cum Guzzler Street Whores 4". Maybe I could tell him lot of customers like "Barely Legal #34" but I think that the original eroticism of "Behind the Green Door" is truly the conneseiur's choice.
I was even 17 at the time, to add another level of weirdness onto that. So, I tell him we've got many tapes, I'm sure you can find something good, but right now I've got people in line." He says "Ok, I'll send someone over." I'm thinkin, alright he's sending his wife or a buddy over or something.

Nope, he sends his farking 17 year old daughter over to rent him some porn. (At least she was cute). Middle of a nice upscale suburb, sending your underage daughter to get you (what I'm assuming is) jack off material. *sigh*

Also, I was first introduced to the idea of porn spoof titles the first day I worked alone. Customer asked for "Edward Scissorhands" so I hit "Edward" in the search field, and sure enough Edward Scissorhands pops up, but right under it is "Edward Penishands", oh and let's not forget "Edward Penishands 2". I think I busted a rib laughing.

Some jackass tried to rob the store after we had closed, too. THe store's tiny, seriously like 30'x30'. It has a high arched roof with a skylight at the top and all glass front with one swinging glass door. The guy broke the skylight and rappelled down into the store, which is a good 20 or 30 feet from the skylight, and then tried to grab the portable petty cash safe and run out the front door. He made a few miscalculations though: 1.) There was only like 100$ in the petty cash safe, which is funny already. 2.) The door was STILL LOCKED, you can't unlock it without a key from either side. HAH! So the jackass tries to kick the door out, but it's pretty sturdy glass so he couldn't. Our silent alarm had gotten tripped, so he knew he had to get out, so he had to climb his sorry ass back out the skylight and even left the cash. I bet he felt stupid.

Heh, that was a fun job. Good times.
2003-02-24 07:07:14 AM  
This stuff has a lot of potential. Parts were kinda hard to follow as it rambles a bit, and the grammar and spelling could use some work. All in all though, I did not regret spending the time to read it.
2003-02-24 07:12:13 AM  
Best read I've had all week.
Oh wait. It's monday...

Pretty damn funny anyway. :)
2003-02-24 07:42:32 AM  
It would be easier, to read if. Better grammar was used and sentence structure.
2003-02-24 07:44:48 AM  
Fark needs a "depressing" tag.
2003-02-24 07:54:47 AM  
So what have we learned kids? Let's review:

1. - The dregs of society frequent porno shops. Don't know about you, but I'm farkin' floored by this one. Funny old thing, life.

2. - Farker NotSafeForWork owns stock in some company called "StaminaRX".

I agree with Tangentman. We need a depressing tag.
2003-02-24 07:55:21 AM  
I read the first few paragraphs and I have no idea what he's talking about.
You need to get your spelling on.
2003-02-24 08:00:51 AM  
I hear you Tangentman. I've been reading the Ali Davis journal that B0rg9 linked, and I've decided that when I'm done I'm going to go curl up in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep.
2003-02-24 08:11:01 AM  
My favorite porn title: "Two Wongs Make A White". Classic.
2003-02-24 08:17:57 AM  
seems more like a rip of I picked up on that site long ago from ernies and its a definet classic read.
2003-02-24 08:22:36 AM  
Boobiesontheside - yeah, the sales pitch was a little much. I think we've been had.
2003-02-24 08:23:03 AM  
Jeebus, that's SFW?
2003-02-24 08:37:25 AM  
Oh man, that improv board is a read for the ages. I reserved a day or so to read it a few months ago, and what a read it was. Someday I'll need to print all that out.
2003-02-24 08:39:30 AM  
Definatly one of the oddest things I've read in a while...
2003-02-24 08:43:35 AM  
.. a guy came from the back for change and he had jizz on his finger, it was so gross I almost gave him a napkin but instead I just threw the money on the counter so I wouldn't have to touch him..

Oh, ew. I think that man was trying to tip with some semen though. Who knows! Could be porn shop currency.
2003-02-24 08:47:20 AM  
It would be funnier if it weren't for all the misspellings. For example, how hard is it to spell persecute?

/grammar nazi
2003-02-24 08:56:58 AM  
Oh, ew. I think that man was trying to tip with some semen though. Who knows! Could be porn shop currency.

no! ugh.
2003-02-24 09:05:06 AM  
Great, another journal by another holder of a suck job.

2003-02-24 09:05:16 AM  
He should definitely give that stripper the job.
2003-02-24 09:19:03 AM  
Let's be objective here.

Learn to spell. Or at least spell-check. Pretty funny, though.

The link from Borg9 was better IMHO, way better written. I would have read the whole thing had I not got busted half way through reading it in the office.
2003-02-24 09:43:56 AM  
2003-02-24 09:47:59 AM  
Thanks B0rg9, your link is 10 times better ... much better (comphrehensible even!) writing, etc.
2003-02-24 09:49:19 AM  
Actually, if you guys are looking for some interesting reading, I've got a journal up at Improv under the same username. (Chastain86) The subject material would be of some interest if you enjoyed either Ali Davis' or this Farker's journals. I'd love some feedback sometime.

2003-02-24 09:59:02 AM  
Yet another journal/blog.

2003-02-24 10:06:43 AM  
to farker Notsafeforwork , i used to work at a porn shop. that's pretty much i had too! hehe
2003-02-24 10:09:19 AM  
This is great stuff.

Unfortunately, I'm nervous enough about even renting porn from video stores as it is. After reading these stories, I gotta wonder if I could ever again. Haven't in years, and when I did it was only an occassional thing. Pretty damn strange to think of people renting them enough to fill up a 30 tape card in one month.

What kind of snotty note do you think you'd find if you read *your* file?
2003-02-24 10:20:32 AM  
I think it just proves what you've all thought when you went to rent a porno - did they judge you? Did they care? Did they notice you? Well yes apparently.
2003-02-24 10:45:29 AM  
Aww, not a Livejournal. Poo.

*reads it anyway*
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