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(News.com.au)   No matter how long she's taking, don't leave your bride at the airport because she's been in the bathroom too long   (news.com.au) divider line
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7400 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jul 2009 at 7:43 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2009-07-04 7:44:13 AM  
Never, ever AIS your wife
 
2009-07-04 7:46:01 AM  
That's right, the TSA frowns on baggage left unattended...
 
2009-07-04 7:47:12 AM  
That was shiatty... of both of them.
 
2009-07-04 7:49:45 AM  

Proud2B_American: Never, ever AIS your wife


Ha, first thing I thought of too.
 
2009-07-04 7:54:34 AM  
I buzzed through tfa so I may be wrong, but the flight was from Malaysia to Saudi Arabia? hmmm.. and the wife is demanding a divorce?. I think that wife is gonna get the ol' arms cut off then buried up to Her neck and stoned to death. ..and not the fun stoned that gives You the munchies.
 
2009-07-04 7:56:55 AM  

pipco: I buzzed through tfa so I may be wrong, but the flight was from Malaysia to Saudi Arabia? hmmm.. and the wife is demanding a divorce?. I think that wife is gonna get the ol' arms cut off then buried up to Her neck and stoned to death. ..and not the fun stoned that gives You the munchies.


I think the munchies got her into this pickle in the first place.
 
2009-07-04 7:57:52 AM  
TFA isn't terribly clear on the timing, but I must know: Did the plane take off before the left the John, or did she miss the flight because she was busy looking for her husband?

Reminds me of a story told by a chick I met through a friend a few years back. She got married to a Navy SEAL after dating for 5 months (her biological clock went off). They'd never had a fight until about a month after they tied the knot. She was driving, he was in the passenger seat. He told her he wasn't going to argue with her, and she said he had no choice. So he summarily opened his door at ~30 MPH, and tucked-and-rolled right out of the car. Kind of a dick move, but you have to admire the man's commitment to avoid having and argument he didn't want to get involved in.
 
2009-07-04 7:58:54 AM  

Pay the Man: pipco: I buzzed through tfa so I may be wrong, but the flight was from Malaysia to Saudi Arabia? hmmm.. and the wife is demanding a divorce?. I think that wife is gonna get the ol' arms cut off then buried up to Her neck and stoned to death. ..and not the fun stoned that gives You the munchies.

I think the munchies got her into this pickle in the first place.


What was she doing with this 'pickle'??
 
2009-07-04 8:00:09 AM  

Proud2B_American: Pay the Man: pipco: I buzzed through tfa so I may be wrong, but the flight was from Malaysia to Saudi Arabia? hmmm.. and the wife is demanding a divorce?. I think that wife is gonna get the ol' arms cut off then buried up to Her neck and stoned to death. ..and not the fun stoned that gives You the munchies.

I think the munchies got her into this pickle in the first place.

What was she doing with this 'pickle'??


My guess? Making Jam.
 
2009-07-04 8:00:31 AM  
Bonanza Jellybean: I like it. I assume he was A-OK and got to enjoy the rest of his day in silence?

Anyway, my real reason for posting: what is "AIS", and why should you not do that to your wife?
 
2009-07-04 8:05:41 AM  
Female here, and why in the world ANYONE would ever spend more time than necessary in an airport loo is beyond me. Of course, I've not yet been to Malaysia; I'm thinking about the stink at JFK. (Worst airport in the world.)
 
2009-07-04 8:15:17 AM  
Nevermind, I figured it out...
 
2009-07-04 8:19:41 AM  
I remember KLIA as being relatively clean, better than Heathrow, but I'm a guy and I don't know for certain she was even in that airport. Still wouldn't want to stay any longer than necessary, hell I'd rather the plane itself (especially if, ya know, it was leaving without me).
 
2009-07-04 8:19:58 AM  

Baker_Street_Irregular: Female here


There should be a rule about requiring profile pics if you say that.
 
2009-07-04 8:20:09 AM  

Baker_Street_Irregular: Female here, and why in the world ANYONE would ever spend more time than necessary in an airport loo is beyond me. Of course, I've not yet been to Malaysia; I'm thinking about the stink at JFK. (Worst airport in the world.)


Quite a statement. The WORLD? Depends on which terminal, etc. but I am ASSUMING you've never been to Mumbai (or anywhere else)...
 
2009-07-04 8:28:28 AM  
Never been to Mumbai and would not expect American standards there. Last time I checked JFK was still in New York, which is still part of the US and the poo should not be on the floor.

I was in cleaner places in Mexico.
 
2009-07-04 8:34:59 AM  
I've got a "beer theory" that every woman has an unconcious way to test her man to see if he loves her. It's not a one time thing; she'll keep testing you the same way as long as you are together.

Making the guy wait is a common one, especially while she is in the bathroom or getting dressed. Forcing the guy to go shopping with her is another. With my wife, she wants me to make breakfast for her when she asks. It's never something you would naturally do on your own... that's kind of the point.

If you recognize "The Test" for what it is, and always respond with good humor & some extra attention, your lady will be happy and secure. Otherwise, not so much. Subconciously, she's asking you if you love her. And you know what's going to happen if you keep saying no, right?

Of course, then there are the women who have many & varied tests... avoid those like the plague.

So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".
 
2009-07-04 8:35:48 AM  

Baker_Street_Irregular: Never been to Mumbai and would not expect American standards there.


American Standards. Got it Thanks for clearing that up...

[image from img190.imageshack.us too old to be available]
 
2009-07-04 8:43:32 AM  
Baker_Street_Irregular
Female here, and why in the world ANYONE would ever spend more time than necessary in an airport loo is beyond me. Of course, I've not yet been to Malaysia; I'm thinking about the stink at JFK. (Worst airport in the world.)


Amen, sister.
 
2009-07-04 9:18:33 AM  

Bolo Jungle: American Standards. Got it Thanks for clearing that up...


So you're one of those schmucks who think Europeans are superior to Americans in every possible way. Thanks for clearing that up.

/favorited! goes the ignore list
 
2009-07-04 9:28:44 AM  

ciberido: Bolo Jungle: American Standards. Got it Thanks for clearing that up...

So you're one of those schmucks who think Europeans are superior to Americans in every possible way. Thanks for clearing that up.

/favorited! goes the ignore list


And you're on Double-secret Ignore.
 
2009-07-04 9:29:33 AM  

ciberido: Bolo Jungle: American Standards. Got it Thanks for clearing that up...

So you're one of those schmucks who think Europeans are superior to Americans in every possible way. Thanks for clearing that up.

/favorited! goes the ignore list


lol, serious business


i41.tinypic.comView Full Size
 
2009-07-04 9:33:51 AM  
SomeAmerican: Goddamnit, so this is why my girlfriend will traverse the entire grocery store 4 times while I hold the basket like an asshole and try to keep my eyes from glazing over, and then once she decides what she wants, she locates it with the speed and efficiency of a seasoned librarian?

I ask her EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. why she doesn't just make a list before we leave. I even tried to present the argument that she is increasing our dependence on foreign hops because I usually end up buying a bunch of Paulaner Hefeweizen when we go down the beer aisle.

If I ever discover that I'm gay, I'll look back on this discovery as the turning point.

Seriously, that is going to drive me crazy. Knowing the truth is far worse than the self-propagating illusion that she's just indecisive.
 
2009-07-04 9:34:45 AM  

ciberido: Bolo Jungle: American Standards. Got it Thanks for clearing that up...

So you're one of those schmucks who think Europeans are superior to Americans in every possible way. Thanks for clearing that up.

/favorited! goes the ignore list


You must be new here. Welcome to Fark.
 
2009-07-04 9:36:13 AM  

SomeAmerican: I've got a "beer theory" that every woman has an unconcious way to test her man to see if he loves her. It's not a one time thing; she'll keep testing you the same way as long as you are together.

Making the guy wait is a common one, especially while she is in the bathroom or getting dressed. Forcing the guy to go shopping with her is another. With my wife, she wants me to make breakfast for her when she asks. It's never something you would naturally do on your own... that's kind of the point.

If you recognize "The Test" for what it is, and always respond with good humor & some extra attention, your lady will be happy and secure. Otherwise, not so much. Subconciously, she's asking you if you love her. And you know what's going to happen if you keep saying no, right?

Of course, then there are the women who have many & varied tests... avoid those like the plague.

So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".


I could use your help on figuring out my wife of 7.5 months.

aka... Your newsletter....
 
2009-07-04 9:41:07 AM  

abdul: If I ever discover that I'm gay, I'll look back on this discovery as the turning point. Seriously, that is going to drive me crazy. Knowing the truth is far worse than the self-propagating illusion that she's just indecisive.


Sorry about that :P If it helps, I'm convinced most don't conciously realise what they are doing.
 
2009-07-04 9:48:08 AM  
SomeAmerican: That is a positive thought. I'll just resolve to teach her how to drive a stick so she can take my Jeep to the store from now on -- it can be my version of the test.

You know, for being called SomeAmerican, you typed "realise" the British way :)
 
2009-07-04 10:07:38 AM  

SomeAmerican: If you recognize "The Test" for what it is, and always respond with good humor & some extra attention, your lady will be happy and secure. Otherwise, not so much. Subconciously, she's asking you if you love her. And you know what's going to happen if you keep saying no, right?


Dude! Don't do that! That's a power struggle you are telling everyone to lose! When she takes too long shopping, you gotta give her the quizzical cockeyed look and just turn and leave.

If you don't you are signing up for a friggin lifetime (or until the inevitable divorce) of similar crap, and will end up one of those guys thinking a plastic tool shed out back is his "man cave" while scampering back home away from any event with other men and beer.

IT. IS. A. TRAP.

The husband in the article made the right move.
 
2009-07-04 10:08:51 AM  

abdul: Goddamnit, so this is why my girlfriend will traverse the entire grocery store 4 times while I hold the basket like an asshole and try to keep my eyes from glazing over, and then once she decides what she wants, she locates it with the speed and efficiency of a seasoned librarian?


Nothing unique to your girlfriend.

See, men and women treat shopping the same way they treat sex.
Men like to go it, get what they want, and get out. Women, they like to browse...

/Forget the name of the comedian who did this schtick...
 
2009-07-04 10:09:47 AM  

SomeAmerican: So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".


My live-in GF's favorite trick is to wait until we are ready to leave for somewhere and then suddenly blitz around the house for 10 minutes for things she suddenly remembers. I'll even start asking her 15 minutes before we leave - "Are you ready? Do you have absolutely everything?"

And no matter how many times I ask her, there are always things to do and trinkets to grab before we leave, which effectively renders us late to everything.
 
2009-07-04 10:09:51 AM  

abdul: You know, for being called SomeAmerican, you typed "realise" the British way :)


You found my dark secret... I'm a terrible speller!
 
2009-07-04 10:11:24 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: TFA isn't terribly clear on the timing, but I must know: Did the plane take off before the left the John, or did she miss the flight because she was busy looking for her husband?

Reminds me of a story told by a chick I met through a friend a few years back. She got married to a Navy SEAL after dating for 5 months (her biological clock went off). They'd never had a fight until about a month after they tied the knot. She was driving, he was in the passenger seat. He told her he wasn't going to argue with her, and she said he had no choice. So he summarily opened his door at ~30 MPH, and tucked-and-rolled right out of the car. Kind of a dick move, but you have to admire the man's commitment to avoid having and argument he didn't want to get involved in.


Did he suffer any injury? 30 MPH means he probably did a somersault: if he didn't protect his head, he may have left the SEALS to become a NAVY SQUID.

//have left my wife at the airport
//because she thought the plane wouldn't leave without her
 
2009-07-04 10:21:18 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: TFA isn't terribly clear on the timing, but I must know: Did the plane take off before the left the John, or did she miss the flight because she was busy looking for her husband?

Reminds me of a story told by a chick I met through a friend a few years back. She got married to a Navy SEAL after dating for 5 months (her biological clock went off). They'd never had a fight until about a month after they tied the knot. She was driving, he was in the passenger seat. He told her he wasn't going to argue with her, and she said he had no choice. So he summarily opened his door at ~30 MPH, and tucked-and-rolled right out of the car. Kind of a dick move, but you have to admire the man's commitment to avoid having and argument he didn't want to get involved in.


I have a similar tale.
Except she forgot to tuck and roll.
 
2009-07-04 10:27:28 AM  

jafiwam: Dude! Don't do that! That's a power struggle you are telling everyone to lose! When she takes too long shopping, you gotta give her the quizzical cockeyed look and just turn and leave.


It's not a power struggle to her, that's guy thinking. It's emotional touchy feely stuff. Sure, you can refuse to fill her needs because you think it impacts your manliness. But sooner or later she'll stop fulfilling your needs, if you know what I mean. You'll end up divorced, or worse in a loveless marriage.

If you don't you are signing up for a friggin lifetime (or until the inevitable divorce) of similar crap, and will end up one of those guys thinking a plastic tool shed out back is his "man cave" while scampering back home away from any event with other men and beer.

Every girl has a neediness level and every guy has a tolerance level. Look for low levels of the first and try to build a reasonable amount of the second, and sooner or later you'll find the right girl. Insisting on zero neediness while showing zero tolerance is IMHO a good way to die alone.

Before you dump a girl because she makes you late to parties, you have to realize (see I spelled I right this time I think) that the next girl is going to do the same kinds of things. She likely has a different way of testing you, but test you she will. So is it really so bad that you need to start from scratch?

Sometimes the answer is yes, absolutely. The more emotionally insecure the girl, the more hoops she makes you jump through. If she is just too needy for you to deal with, recognize that and bow out gracefully. But if the grass never gets greener, take a hard look at yourself and say, what if it's been me all along?

But hey, to each his own. This way works for me. Been married for 15 years now, to the same girl even :P
 
2009-07-04 10:42:43 AM  

SomeAmerican: I've got a "beer theory" that every woman has an unconcious way to test her man to see if he loves her. It's not a one time thing; she'll keep testing you the same way as long as you are together.

Making the guy wait is a common one, especially while she is in the bathroom or getting dressed. Forcing the guy to go shopping with her is another. With my wife, she wants me to make breakfast for her when she asks. It's never something you would naturally do on your own... that's kind of the point.

If you recognize "The Test" for what it is, and always respond with good humor & some extra attention, your lady will be happy and secure. Otherwise, not so much. Subconciously, she's asking you if you love her. And you know what's going to happen if you keep saying no, right?

Of course, then there are the women who have many & varied tests... avoid those like the plague.

So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".


You, sir, are a wimp.

Treat the woman in your life kindly, with reverence and love. I'm a big fan of the 'out of nowhere' affection, the kind that she doesn't see coming. But if she is intentionally testing you by deliberatley being inconsiderate just to see how you will react, she does not need to be encouraged and coddled.

I thought the argument was women were equal in every way to men...if so, why are they entitled to being stroked when they are trying to annoy you?

When did men become such farking lapdogs?
 
2009-07-04 10:47:38 AM  

Occam's Nailfile: You, sir, are a wimp.


Probably, never claimed to be otherwise.

Treat the woman in your life kindly, with reverence and love. I'm a big fan of the 'out of nowhere' affection, the kind that she doesn't see coming. But if she is intentionally testing you by deliberatley being inconsiderate just to see how you will react, she does not need to be encouraged and coddled.

But I bet yours tests you too, you just don't realize it. You are likely more trained then you think. Knowledge is power; if you recognize what is happening you can take advantage of it.
 
2009-07-04 11:11:55 AM  
Oh, Occam, but I think you are missing a key part of the theory. The frequency and number of the tests are proportional to how emotionally insecure the girl is. You can never get rid of "The Test", but you can greatly decrease the frequency of them by making her feel loved. You can take advantage of "The Test" itself to help do this. Ignoring the test makes it way harder, and may in fact make your job impossible if you aren't starting with a girl who isn't that stable to begin with.

Anyways, I think I'm going to grab a beer and go hang out by the pool. It's pretty nice outside today.
 
2009-07-04 11:30:06 AM  

Baker_Street_Irregular: Female here, and why in the world ANYONE would ever spend more time than necessary in an airport loo is beyond me. Of course, I've not yet been to Malaysia; I'm thinking about the stink at JFK. (Worst airport in the world.)



She drank the water?
 
2009-07-04 11:38:28 AM  

Broadside: SomeAmerican: So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".

My live-in GF's favorite trick is to wait until we are ready to leave for somewhere and then suddenly blitz around the house for 10 minutes for things she suddenly remembers. I'll even start asking her 15 minutes before we leave - "Are you ready? Do you have absolutely everything?"

And no matter how many times I ask her, there are always things to do and trinkets to grab before we leave, which effectively renders us late to everything.


And for the flip side of the coin.... I'm married to a guy who is like that.

/more than once I've had to stop myself saying "thats it! I'm leaving now!" and leaving him behind at home or somewhere he is being really slow.
 
2009-07-04 11:40:00 AM  
Sorry about the bold. Forgot to close that tag when quoting.
 
2009-07-04 11:40:55 AM  

Bonanza Jellybean: TFA isn't terribly clear on the timing, but I must know: Did the plane take off before the left the John, or did she miss the flight because she was busy looking for her husband?

Reminds me of a story told by a chick I met through a friend a few years back. She got married to a Navy SEAL after dating for 5 months (her biological clock went off). They'd never had a fight until about a month after they tied the knot. She was driving, he was in the passenger seat. He told her he wasn't going to argue with her, and she said he had no choice. So he summarily opened his door at ~30 MPH, and tucked-and-rolled right out of the car. Kind of a dick move, but you have to admire the man's commitment to avoid having and argument he didn't want to get involved in.


HE WINS!

/man, I'd have loved to do that when my mom was driving me around in High School, yammering on about what was wrong with me.
//escapism fantasies ftw.
 
2009-07-04 12:43:05 PM  
No matter how long she's taking, don't leave your bride at the airport because she's been in the bathroom too long

I TOLD her not to eat 3 quarts of cole slaw at the reception!
 
2009-07-04 12:58:08 PM  

Evilmogwai: Broadside: SomeAmerican: So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".

My live-in GF's favorite trick is to wait until we are ready to leave for somewhere and then suddenly blitz around the house for 10 minutes for things she suddenly remembers. I'll even start asking her 15 minutes before we leave - "Are you ready? Do you have absolutely everything?"

And no matter how many times I ask her, there are always things to do and trinkets to grab before we leave, which effectively renders us late to everything.

And for the flip side of the coin.... I'm married to a guy who is like that.

/more than once I've had to stop myself saying "thats it! I'm leaving now!" and leaving him behind at home or somewhere he is being really slow.


Mine is the opposite of slow. He'll just randomly be ready to leave anywhere, anytime. At a bar drinking and listening to a band he's been excited about for two days? We stayed fifteen minutes and his friends stared at me like I was "that girlfriend". Thanks for making me look like a coont, dear. This happens a lot.

Nothing is good enough for him. He's clingy and then suddenly goes cold. I don't know if he's testing me but I guess I'm letting him win if he is.
 
2009-07-04 1:14:53 PM  

lamecat: Evilmogwai: Broadside: SomeAmerican:
Mine is the opposite of slow. He'll just randomly be ready to leave anywhere, anytime. At a bar drinking and listening to a band he's been excited about for two days? We stayed fifteen minutes and his friends stared at me like I was "that girlfriend". Thanks for making me look like a coont, dear. This happens a lot.

Nothing is good enough for him. He's clingy and then suddenly goes cold. I don't know if he's testing me but I guess I'm letting him win if he is.


Well he sounds like a real poop. I hope he has some redeeming qualities that you aren't telling us about (and which I won't ask about because I'm a good girl, but you know what I mean... wink wink)
 
2009-07-04 2:20:34 PM  
I'm all about the promptness and preparation. If I were with a chronic latenik, it wouldn't get to the point of marriage. But if this were his first time going to this extreme, I would get concerned for his well-being. Is he sick? Been mugged? Is he fending off a foot-tapping senator? Is he...NOT fending off the foot-tapping senator? The guy could at least have investigated first, sent a female employee in to check on her, whatever...
 
2009-07-04 4:57:18 PM  

jafiwam:
The husband in the article made the right move.


Agreed. I have made it clear to my girl friend that I don't mind taking her shopping, but I do refuse to stand around for hours while she meanders. I presented it this way:

We spend on average 6 hours a week shopping, during which you're looking at clothing/food/whatever and I'm sitting there waiting to leave. That's 6 hours I would rather spend on things like cleaning the junk off the counter, sealing the exterior siding to keep bugs out, and replacing all the light fixtures in the house so they all look alike; in other words, time I'd rather spend doing the things I get nagged about not doing.

So I made a deal with her: I would sit and wait patiently while she goes shopping _if_ she stops nagging me. Otherwise, she gets to try to keep up with me as I grab everything I need (my shopping trips to the grocery store take 10 minutes - I know what I need before I go, I spend no time looking at things I don't need, and I use the self checkout so I don't have to deal with overly talkative idiots at the checkout).

So far, she's been opting for letting me do the shopping which has an added bonus of me not getting nagged at. And I get all the shopping done in a few hours where-as it takes her all week, at the end of which more shopping needs to be done to replace the consumables bought at the beginning of the week.
 
2009-07-04 8:45:27 PM  

SomeAmerican:

So there you have it, my "always past the test" theory of marital bliss, which ranks right up there in importance with "make her feel pretty", "split the housework", "make sure you get you time", and "everybody gets their own spending money".


Most excellently well put, sir!
 
2009-07-04 8:59:12 PM  

lamecat:

Mine is the opposite of slow. He'll just randomly be ready to leave anywhere, anytime. At a bar drinking and listening to a band he's been excited about for two days? We stayed fifteen minutes and his friends stared at me like I was "that girlfriend". Thanks for making me look like a coont, dear. This happens a lot.

Nothing is good enough for him. He's clingy and then suddenly goes cold. I don't know if he's testing me but I guess I'm letting him win if he is.


Perhaps a case of ADD?
No, seriously, it's worth checking into!

/diagnosed at 42 years old
//changed my life, wife was thrilled
 
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