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(Spike)   10 lies you've been told about sex. Shocker   (spike.com) divider line
    More: Obvious  
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82309 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 May 2009 at 2:01 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2009-05-04 2:06:49 PM  
[image from img3.ifilmpro.com too old to be available]

hmmm - this chart reminds me of something
 
2009-05-04 2:07:09 PM  

DrySocket: It seems clear that the men of Fark are skewing the penis size results far to the right. Its as if this website attracts men with titan missiles in their pants.


Mine's more of a Saturn V.
 
2009-05-04 2:07:25 PM  
Here's Playboy's Courtney Culkin to convince you if you still need convincing:

McCulley came to mind...

*shudder*
 
2009-05-04 2:07:44 PM  

dahmers love zombie: adamgreeney: This thread is quickly going to turn into men swearing that they can cum multiple times and that they have found the G-spot while the actual women come in and dismiss both. Who should i trust more?

Please. You should never trust a woman.


Or the sheep. All sheep lie.
 
2009-05-04 2:08:27 PM  
[image from img3.ifilmpro.com too old to be available]

Talk about a tongue lashing.
 
2009-05-04 2:08:35 PM  
Jonah Falcon can't "really remember" much about his first sexual experience? He enjoys looks from Wall Street types?

Does anyone else think Johan Falcon might be (gasp) a non-heterosexual?

The rest of the article is just as lacking in luster. Nothing noteworthy there, move along, people.
 
hej
2009-05-04 2:09:22 PM  

thomps: 11. you can't get pregnant if you let the guy finish in your hair


One one I remember from HS was "you can't get pregnant if you do it standing up". Because sperm can't swim up hill.
 
2009-05-04 2:09:37 PM  
If 10 is true how come women are always the one that "has a headache"?
 
2009-05-04 2:09:41 PM  
3. Average Penis Size

The average penis size in the general population is probably smaller than you think. Lifestyle condoms did a study on the average length of erect men, and the truth is somewhere between five and six inches. Take heart, dudes. There is a limit to how big you can be comfortably. If you're hitting the cervix, really, there's nowhere else to go. My friend Kiki The Greek put it well: "I don't want any sort of major organs having to make room for Godzilla c***."


Finally! I am happy to know that I am well above average in one area of life anyway......
 
2009-05-04 2:09:52 PM  

wxboy: The smarter you are, the easier it is for you to get on the trolley to Pleasure Town, U.S.A.

Lies. All lies. Apparently.


This.

/Although when I was a teenager, I suffered from 'foot in mouth' syndrome
//Still do, sometimes
///Treatment? Beer. Lots and lots o beer
 
2009-05-04 2:11:27 PM  

hej: Because sperm can't swim up hill.


Unless you're old. Then they can swim uphill, both ways through the snow.
 
2009-05-04 2:11:38 PM  
10. Men are Hornier than Women

This isn't true for the most part.


Yes, it is. Have a hot girl go around asking random guys in a bar to bang her. 9 out of 10 guys will do it. Now have a hot guy go around asking random women to bang him. See the difference in reaction.

9. Nerds Don't Get Any Action

(study)


Women rating attractiveness on paper is much different than in person. They get some, but much less than jerks (who women LOVE).

8. Mountain Dew Lowers Your Sperm Count


Who cares? 10 year old boys are the only people who drink that shiat anyway.

7. Wearing Two Condoms Offers Double the Protection


Anybody who ever thought this should be castrated.
 
2009-05-04 2:11:41 PM  
The Shocker is not a lie...
 
2009-05-04 2:13:14 PM  

Bored Horde: NikolaiFarkoff: If you are deficient,

Not terribly likely unless you eat a shiat diet nowadays.

MasterThief: Re: #6: Bullcrap. It exists. Use your index and middle finger. Put your palm up. Then curl your fingers like you were telling her to come here.

She will.

There are many more studies that show no evidence compared to those that do.


Well, my own studies have found that there is an almond-shaped spot roughly one inch in diameter about an inch or an inch and a half inside a womans vagina. When massaged a woman will initialy have faint urges to urinate...keep it up and she'll have the most intense orgasms you have ever seen.

My own studies absolutely trump whatever you have been reading...because I have been doing...
 
2009-05-04 2:13:57 PM  
The average male ejaculate is about 4 milliliters. And, although there is protein in semen (the sperm, namely), it is largely comprised of fructose which is a sugar, and totally not Atkins-approved. However, the energy in a typical load amount to a measly seven calories. So, let's just say that you're giving your girl 14 shots a day - a noble goal. That's about 100 calories. It would take a month for her to put on a pound of "semen weight."fark cancer, more money to these men immediatly.
 
2009-05-04 2:13:59 PM  

I Said: 11. Men care if women orgasm
12. Women aren't just in it for the sex too sometimes
13. you shouldn't gtfo the next day
14. you're the best he/she has ever had
15. he/she only thinks of you during sex
16. asian women have sideways vaginas
17. it happens to a lot of guys
18. She's of legal age
19. No no everyone cries after sex
20. That was the best 2 minutes of my life


#1 of all time - Baby, I LOVE YOU!!!



/obvious and overdue
 
2009-05-04 2:15:29 PM  

kippyj: Jonah Falcon can't "really remember" much about his first sexual experience? He enjoys looks from Wall Street types?


Doing a GIS for Jonah Falcon with the safe search off is more than just a little terrifying.
 
2009-05-04 2:15:36 PM  
I'm calling BS on #6
 
2009-05-04 2:15:54 PM  

bongmiester: hmmm - this chart reminds me of something


[image from imgur.com too old to be available]

Sure does.
 
2009-05-04 2:16:24 PM  
It's society telling women they should be all prim and proper and non-sexual.


Cart before horse. Society tells women they should be that way because woman are less horny to start with. They want fewer partners and are far, far less likely to desire sex with someone they've just met. It's a biological difference, amplified (though less and less these days with the pill and women's rights) by cultural norms.
 
2009-05-04 2:17:31 PM  

MasterThief: Re: #6: Bullcrap. It exists. Use your index and middle finger. Put your palm up. Then curl your fingers like you were telling her to come here.

She will.


It's not so much a "come here" motion as a curling your fingers and pushing straight up motion. At least for me.
 
2009-05-04 2:17:39 PM  
I pity all the guys out there with 5 inch cocks.
 
2009-05-04 2:17:44 PM  
From the article: However, the energy in a typical load amount to a measly seven calories. So, let's just say that you're giving your girl 14 shots a day - a noble goal. That's about 100 calories. It would take a month for her to put on a pound of "semen weight."
That explains why your whore girlfriend is so fat.
 
2009-05-04 2:17:58 PM  
I have never heard the words "wearing two condoms offers double the protection" unless they were in a sentence like "only a retard thinks wearing two condoms offers double the protection" or "wearing two condoms definitely does not offer double the protection."

Really it was six things thirteen year old boys believe about sex, three things, two things that not even thirteen year old boys believe about sex, and one each of a factoid I knew and didn't know. Awesome list.
 
2009-05-04 2:18:37 PM  

adamgreeney: This thread is quickly going to turn into men swearing that they can cum multiple times and that they have found the G-spot while the actual women come in and dismiss both. Who should i trust more?


Who should you trust more? I don't know, maybe personal experience over what people say on message boards, just a thought.

and I said

some men care if the woman gets off, i certainly do. i know you keep them happy if you want to keep coming back.
 
2009-05-04 2:18:38 PM  

Dr.Knockboots: 1. Black Dudes Have Gigantic Dongs
TRUE

I am half black, from the waist down.

forward.

T,FTFY
 
2009-05-04 2:19:31 PM  

IrishDrunk: kippyj: Jonah Falcon can't "really remember" much about his first sexual experience? He enjoys looks from Wall Street types?

Doing a GIS for Jonah Falcon with the safe search off is more than just a little terrifying.


I'll take your word for it. I've seen plenty of penises. What guys do with them is largely (ha) not my business. Wow, I'm glad to be a woman!
 
2009-05-04 2:20:25 PM  

dahmers love zombie: adamgreeney: This thread is quickly going to turn into men swearing that they can cum multiple times and that they have found the G-spot while the actual women come in and dismiss both. Who should i trust more?

Please. You should never trust a woman.


I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
 
2009-05-04 2:20:29 PM  

tortilla burger: hej: Because sperm can't swim up hill.

Unless you're old. Then they can swim uphill, both ways through the snow.


So, you've met my ex-wife.
 
2009-05-04 2:21:03 PM  

Thisbymaster: I pity all the guys out there with 5 inch cocks.


What about 4 inches and less? I don't know how I'd deal. Although a friend dated a guy who she described as a "forearm." She didn't date him long and she said he had a hard time finding a girl to be with, so you really don't want to be an outlier in either direction.
 
2009-05-04 2:22:22 PM  

adamgreeney: This thread is quickly going to turn into men swearing that they can cum multiple times and that they have found the G-spot while the actual women come in and dismiss both. Who should i trust more?


I dunno about the G spot, but I've definitely had vagina-based orgasms (aka, no need to touch my clit). If it's not cause of the G-spot then what causes it?

Frankly, I don't know, and I don't care, because I loves me my vaginal orgasms.
 
2009-05-04 2:22:41 PM  

Thisbymaster: I pity all the guys out there with 5 inch cocks.


I always told my girlfriend that I would give her ten inches, I would just have to put it in twice.
 
2009-05-04 2:22:59 PM  
I have an 17 inch dong, but it starts somewhere near my spleen.
 
2009-05-04 2:23:19 PM  

Sybarite: 2. Green M&Ms, Oysters, and Horny Goat Weed are Aphrodisiacs


#2 may not be true but there is a beer out there that will.

nicoleandgreg.netView Full Size


/notice 2 guys being held up by 1?
//mmmmmm beer and sexual refrences
///has a chocolate taste to it
 
2009-05-04 2:23:57 PM  

mofomisfit: What about 4 inches and less? I don't know how I'd deal. Although a friend dated a guy who she described as a "forearm." She didn't date him long and she said he had a hard time finding a girl to be with, so you really don't want to be an outlier in either direction.


I would imagine the forearm guys might have better luck with taller girls?

/not sure if vaginal depth correlates with height, but at least there's more room in the abdomen to scootch things up cephalad.
//any OB/Gyns out there have info on this?
 
2009-05-04 2:24:23 PM  
Ok, it's official. I should be a porn-star.

And my wife told me last night I hit her G-spot almost every time.

Muah hah ha ha ha hah ha!!!
 
2009-05-04 2:24:47 PM  

DrySocket: It seems clear that the men of Fark are skewing the penis size results far to the right. Its as if this website attracts men with titan missiles in their pants.


No titan here, but let's just say that graph was gratifying.
 
2009-05-04 2:25:13 PM  

rga184: mofomisfit: What about 4 inches and less? I don't know how I'd deal. Although a friend dated a guy who she described as a "forearm." She didn't date him long and she said he had a hard time finding a girl to be with, so you really don't want to be an outlier in either direction.

I would imagine the forearm guys might have better luck with taller girls?

/not sure if vaginal depth correlates with height, but at least there's more room in the abdomen to scootch things up cephalad.
//any OB/Gyns out there have info on this?


Hah, now that I'm thinking of it, the guy couldn't have been taller than 5'7".
 
2009-05-04 2:25:15 PM  

rga184: mofomisfit: What about 4 inches and less? I don't know how I'd deal. Although a friend dated a guy who she described as a "forearm." She didn't date him long and she said he had a hard time finding a girl to be with, so you really don't want to be an outlier in either direction.

I would imagine the forearm guys might have better luck with taller girls?

/not sure if vaginal depth correlates with height, but at least there's more room in the abdomen to scootch things up cephalad.
//any OB/Gyns out there have info on this?


Women vary, but I'm sure it has nothing to do with height. I've done some experiments and testing to prove this hypothesis.
 
2009-05-04 2:25:18 PM  

I Said: 11. Men care if women orgasm
12. Women aren't just in it for the sex too sometimes
13. you shouldn't gtfo the next day
14. you're the best he/she has ever had
15. he/she only thinks of you during sex
16. asian women have sideways vaginas
17. it happens to a lot of guys
18. She's of legal age
19. No no everyone cries after sex
20. That was the best 2 minutes of my life



I LOL'ed
 
2009-05-04 2:25:32 PM  
Just dropped in to say Bigger is not better. In fact when you are too big it is crappy- magnified by the fact that guys who are big don't seem to try as hard in other areas. (In my experience).

/and the Gspot is very real.
 
2009-05-04 2:25:35 PM  
Americans are funny when they try to sound smart.
 
2009-05-04 2:25:59 PM  
I'm no expert, but I can speak from experience:

Nerds are hot, hot, hot. Pretty boys are not, not, not.

G-spot - I don't care what you call it. It exists.

Younger men are hornier than younger women. Older women are hornier than older men.

Size does matter. Bigger does not mean better. Show me a woman who likes a big penis, and I'll show you a woman with a flabby, well you know. For those of us who are petit, it's no fun at all. No sir. Do not want.
 
2009-05-04 2:26:33 PM  

Diogenes: However, the energy in a typical load amount to a measly seven calories. So, let's just say that you're giving your girl 14 shots a day - a noble goal. That's about 100 calories. It would take a month for her to put on a pound of "semen weight."

He never met me.

/anyone got a tums?


Taking my cue from the unparalleled Adam Carolla, I'm going to tell my daughters that semen has like 14,000 calories per ejaculation.
 
2009-05-04 2:26:34 PM  

WFern: Talk about a tongue lashing.


Is that Sheryl farkin Crow in that pic?
 
2009-05-04 2:26:37 PM  
That anyone, even a farking kid, would just for a moment take such myths like that Mountain Dew, green M&M or sperm diet bullshiat seriously makes me weep for humanity.
 
2009-05-04 2:26:42 PM  
When women aren't getting any regularly, yes, they can be almost as horny as guys. When it's readily available to them at any time, however, their appetite usually drops.

At least that's my experience.
 
2009-05-04 2:27:18 PM  
img145.imageshack.usView Full Size


It's about as Atkins-approved as the ice cream in the picture above.

img142.imageshack.usView Full Size
 
2009-05-04 2:27:24 PM  
Pft. I have had a stronger Libido then every guy I have ever dated. Once guys realize they have a steady supply of poon they pretty much lose interest. At least in the readily available.
 
2009-05-04 2:27:42 PM  

IrishDrunk: kippyj: Jonah Falcon can't "really remember" much about his first sexual experience? He enjoys looks from Wall Street types?

Doing a GIS for Jonah Falcon with the safe search off is more than just a little terrifying.


GIS for Jonah Falcon
3.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
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