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(AZCentral)'s Losers of the Week   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

13042 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2003 at 1:01 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

103 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-02-07 04:50:30 PM  
I like. Nice sarcasm. Good point about the difference beteen Love and use mere mortals. Nice rip on Bratney.
2003-02-07 07:17:51 PM  
Where is Drew on this? He is now officially old/loser.

Bah, I'm older.

Duke sucks, so I have been told.
2003-02-08 12:08:58 AM  
This guy has talent. Hope he gets wider press.
2003-02-08 01:04:46 AM  
rather uninspired really, i mean damn, who can't make fun of Courtney Love and Metallica?
2003-02-08 01:05:50 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
Wow what a farking crack whore
2003-02-08 01:06:53 AM  
Yeah, Metallica does suck. They need to be touring with Yanni, Kenny G, and Enya.
2003-02-08 01:06:56 AM  
2003-02-08 01:08:05 AM  
Hey! Why wasn't I on the list?
2003-02-08 01:09:40 AM  
I really really hate Metallica. The sad thing is that a lot of people talk about how they suck, but still buy all their albums and their $70+ tickets
2003-02-08 01:10:42 AM  
I like this guys style. Kinda dry, sarcastic, and in your face. This is a quote from an old one that I just thought was to priceless...

DaimlerChrysler is dumping Martha Stewart in favor of Celine Dion, in a move that's comparable to the difference between shooting yourself in the face with a machine gun and shooting yourself in the face with a differently colored machine gun.

"Actually," Chrysler spokesman James Kenyon should have said, "it's much more Shakespearean than that. You know how at the end of Romeo and Juliet, after Romeo drinks the poison, and then Juliet wakes up, and then she stabs herself in the chest with a dagger? We decided to go with the dagger."
2003-02-08 01:11:59 AM  
Check out the author's name.
Justin Doom.

I'd pay to have that name.
2003-02-08 01:12:48 AM  
Hmm... Ace_Lightning didn't make the list. Or did he?
2003-02-08 01:12:56 AM  
a better name would be Justin Time

yeah i'm a dork what of it?
2003-02-08 01:13:49 AM  
i know a Justin Time...he's got odd parents
2003-02-08 01:14:22 AM  
"Sure is a good thing I married Kurt," Love might've whispered under her breath, licking her lips and wistfully dreaming of soon devouring her hotel mini bar. "I mean, he was a musical genius, really well known, and without him, no one would know who I am, including most of my immediate family."

That crack you just heard was the sound of Courtney Love getting the smeared lipstick slapped off her face.

Justin Doom, what a cool farking name.
2003-02-08 01:14:30 AM  
"Hahahahahahahahaha," Pepsi officials would've said, if they weren't rolling around on the floor, convulsing, all but choking on their laughter. "He... wants... (more laughter) a $5 million charitable contribution... to the... (even more laughter) Ludacris Foundation... we'd just as soon give the money to The Human Fund."

"Hahahahahahahahaha," says i.
2003-02-08 01:16:46 AM  
Pretty clever young Grasshopper.
2003-02-08 01:18:01 AM  
GIS for "loser of the week"
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 01:19:40 AM  
And another...
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 01:20:27 AM  
Russell Simmons should be boycotted for being an assclown.
2003-02-08 01:21:11 AM  
OK, one more.
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 01:25:01 AM  
fark follow-up:

The nationstates game gets fun 2morrow.
2003-02-08 01:25:30 AM  
I kind of agree with Russel Simmons on the pepsi thing.
2003-02-08 01:27:32 AM  

[image from too old to be available]

Can you say "Crackwhore"?

(Sarlac could! =)

2003-02-08 01:30:20 AM  
Why didn't the author put his own name on the list?

I was with him on the Courtney Love and wanted to be with him on Metallica. But c'mon, Limp Bizkit aside, I can think of alot worse bands than the Deftones, Mudvayne, and Linkin Park. For starters : Metallica.

And why is Russell Simmons a loser for pointing out the hypocrisy of axing Ludacris and then going out and hiring Ozzy? The only reason they dumped Ludacris was because of O'Reilly's biatchin' and the subsequent biatchin' from his mindless followers. They even admitted that it was a mistake to do so. The author doesn't even give any real reasons for why Simmons is wrong. He only points out that Pepsi won't be affected by the boycott. Maybe so, but that doesn't make the guy a loser.
2003-02-08 01:31:49 AM  
doo­m­[nospam-﹫-backwards]la­rt­n­ecza*com just sounds damn cool
2003-02-08 01:32:54 AM  
Maximusverus: well stated (on russell and pepsi)
2003-02-08 01:32:55 AM  
hehe... I really have to start reading this column regularly!
2003-02-08 01:32:57 AM  
I have a pretty good idea whose gonna be the Loser Next Week.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 01:34:56 AM  
Well, as this 'doom' fellow said, Pepsi is only interested in its bottom line.

Time for Simmons to admit, if only to himself, that his goals in life are no loftier.

Heck, I laughed out loud when I heard about the $5 million demand for the aptly-named "Ludakris Fund" (sp?).
2003-02-08 01:35:50 AM  
Nice recall on the 'Human Fund'.
2003-02-08 01:35:57 AM  
He is such a biatch!
2003-02-08 01:37:18 AM  
mmm pepsi
2003-02-08 01:37:24 AM  
Pepsi sucks. Drink Coke.
2003-02-08 01:39:08 AM  
"Limp Bizkit, in true Limp Bizkit fashion, named its second and most assuredly awful CD "Lessismore," "

Second CD?
2003-02-08 01:41:49 AM  
I thought Limp Bizkit had broken up, or was that a dream? A beautiful, wonderful dream.
2003-02-08 01:43:09 AM  
pepsi and coke suck. drink dr. pepper
2003-02-08 01:43:44 AM  
well to clarify I don't think Pepsi should pay any money to any charity either.
2003-02-08 01:44:23 AM  
Heres another bit this guy wrote. He's pretty funny.

Britney and her posse have chatted loudly and used their cell phones during films, and actually walked out of Robert Downey Jr.'s The Singing Detective 45 minutes after it started.

"The official line is, we had our schedules mixed up, so we had to leave, but I didn't like the movie," Spears told a New York Post spy. "Sundance is weird. The movies are weird - you actually have to think about them when you watch them."

Yes, she actually said that, as every sentient creature on Earth stepped back, shook its head plaintively and let out a long, slow, deep sigh.
2003-02-08 01:44:47 AM  
Where the hell did the name "Limp Bizkit" come from? Wait... I just remembered that I don't care. I'm way too busy listening to good music.
2003-02-08 01:45:35 AM  
i drink whatever is freely available to me

which means i drink pepsi

actually given the choice i think i'd take pepsi anyway, coke is....coke is too red
2003-02-08 01:45:53 AM  
Yeah you kind of lose credibility when you call it Limp Bizkit's 2nd CD. Even if you are only writing a burn piece.
2003-02-08 01:50:16 AM  
I was always trying to defend Metallica, but that summer tour just tore through my denial. Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park? How the mighty have fallen. I think I'm gonna cry. But why are the Deftones on that tour? They are a credible band.
2003-02-08 01:51:30 AM  
true. I don't like Mudvayne or Linkin Park, but the Deftones rock. I also agree with you on the Russell Simmons thing. But hey, at least Pepsi didn't hire Kelly Osbourne.
Oh yeah, all soft drinks suck, drink water.
2003-02-08 01:52:20 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
Cornelius says: "Even though a whole lot of Americans do not listen to me, i'd much rather continue to put out great music then to go on tour with any of those wretched bands"
2003-02-08 01:52:48 AM  
One more vote in favor of the Deftones. And I'm too old to like "nu metal". So they aren't.
2003-02-08 02:00:05 AM  
Why are the Deftones touring with a bunch of LOSERS?
2003-02-08 02:00:46 AM  
Halah "And another..."
I read that geek chicks bio a while back. She seems pretty cool.

Great, another courtney posting. She truly has to be the worlds most disgusting famous Ho.
2003-02-08 02:04:11 AM  
Metallica is a suckhole band. They haven't been good since the 'Justice' days. On that tour, there was NO opening act. (Least not when I saw em.)

Drink Beer
2003-02-08 02:05:19 AM  
Deftones and Mudvayne are good, old Metallica is amazing. Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit suck.
2003-02-08 02:10:42 AM  
Andonbray: I know that reciting this story is going to make me seem like a flaming loser/homosexual but i'm not

I think "limp bizkit" is the name of a game where guys stand around and jerk off onto a biscuit, the last one to "finish" then has to eat it
2003-02-08 02:13:36 AM  
why is my name not on this list
2003-02-08 02:15:20 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Someone sent me this picture earlier today.
2003-02-08 02:24:49 AM  
Enya > Metallica IMO

Maybe it's my Irish heritage and possession of male genitalia but I think Enya is the shiznit like popeyes chicken.
2003-02-08 02:29:38 AM  
Damn CaligulaTD, she's got a MAJOR case of CSL.

2003-02-08 02:42:53 AM  
Chrisifa - Um... well... I wish you hadn't filled me in on that bit of information. Why? Why would anyone ever participate in something like that? Why?
2003-02-08 02:43:56 AM  
Crack whore ? I thought Courtney was a smack hag ? Someone should tell her that that's a bad combination. Heroin goes much better with Pepsi.
2003-02-08 03:00:52 AM  
i saw russell simmons on conan o'brien, and he was talking about how he will sue anybody who uses the terms "phat" or "def" without his permission

the jerk related it in a funny anecdote about how he was gonna sue a company, but liked their product, so bought shares in it

2003-02-08 03:10:22 AM  
I second that one, PfizerX.

Metallica = Old and Busted.

Enya = ...old hotness.
2003-02-08 03:37:51 AM  
Pober - You probably should have linked those pics.
2003-02-08 03:38:54 AM  
2003-02-08 03:47:11 AM  
Well, at least it's the weekend.

No one works on weekends anymore .... right?
2003-02-08 04:00:37 AM  
hmmm... wheres the "DANGER: COURTNEY LOVE PICTURES AHEAD" sign?
2003-02-08 04:03:41 AM  
She looks kinda puffy in this one.
[image from too old to be available]
She ain't exactly pretty, she ain't exactly small...
2003-02-08 04:18:18 AM  
Q: What's the difference between Courtney Love and a hockey team?

A: The hockey team takes a shower after 3 periods.
2003-02-08 04:21:14 AM  
No wonder Kurt shot himself. It all makes sense now. Bleh!
2003-02-08 05:29:09 AM  
Ah, but did he?

"The police and the Medical Examiner have no forensic evidence that proves Cobain's death was a suicide."
2003-02-08 08:57:13 AM  
Limp Bizkit, in true Limp Bizkit fashion, named its second and most assuredly awful CD "Lessismore," the irony of which is the only beautiful and memorable thing the "band" has ever produced.

Hee hee hee....
2003-02-08 09:02:59 AM  
The real loser of the week: Anybody who lives in Central AZ. IMHO.
2003-02-08 09:06:36 AM  
Haw haw haw! That was a good article. I love it when celebrities get mocked and skewered on the stake of sarcasm.
2003-02-08 09:17:26 AM  
Pepsi, coke and Dr Pepper suck. Drink more Squirt and Rondo! Drink it...driiiinnnnnnnnnk it...
2003-02-08 09:19:39 AM  
Funny shiat...however it's not Limp Bizkits second's their fourth. Oh and they are teh suck....the only reasons to see that tour would be Deftones and Mudvayne....but no thanks. I'll wait until they come around themselves.
2003-02-08 10:38:31 AM  
All this babbling about losers and no mention of Justin Brice?
2003-02-08 10:39:47 AM  
<b>Pober</b>: NSFW man. NSFAnyone more like ;) You may also want to link to pics that size to save our dialup friends.
2003-02-08 10:49:52 AM  
y'see some of Limp Bizkits albums were so terrible, they dont't actually meet the requirements to be labelled as "an album"

/thumbs up to the guy that posted Cornelius
2003-02-08 11:08:44 AM  
Good god...where are the mods?!

As for someone who fled the state, I think all the people still in Arizona are the losers of the week.z
2003-02-08 11:12:37 AM  
Thank you, Flakeloaf. I think the mods must be warming up their banning muscles.
2003-02-08 11:15:57 AM  
Time for these people to face facts. He killed himself. Why? He was farked up. Ms. Love's only contribution to society was tearing him down as a martyr during the reading of his suicide note way back when (She essentially echoed my sentiments in calling him a bastard). He took the selfish way out because he couldn't deal (and was too proud to seek help it'd seem), and he will always be remembered as a musical genius who abandoned his fans, and in death became a legend and an asshole.

BTW, if any of those delusional people who think Cobain's death was not suicide are here: Elvis is dead too.
2003-02-08 11:17:58 AM  
Oh and re: Love pics

2003-02-08 11:48:25 AM  
found this at

[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 12:02:31 PM  

**goes and washes eyes out with a solder iron and battery acid**
2003-02-08 12:09:12 PM  
oh come on!!!! i know 95% of you fools would hit it, and you know this man.
2003-02-08 12:26:53 PM  
WWJD- Maybe you'd kiss that guy (excuse yourself), but I would not hit that. I'd alter my state of consciousness with a blunt object until I had reached a state of unconsciousness if faced ith that.
2003-02-08 12:39:15 PM  
Dude, Metallica rocks! I didn't realize it at the time but those were four awesome albums. Too bad they haven't put anything out since 1988...
2003-02-08 12:47:14 PM  
[what Victoly said]
2003-02-08 12:49:50 PM  
the only BAD part of the summer sanitarium tour is metallica, and possibly limp with freak-o gone. well ok basicly linkin park and mudvayne is why im going. so poo on you... yup
2003-02-08 12:53:36 PM  
OK, I learned my lesson.

2003-02-08 12:57:15 PM  
Pepsi should go back to using more wholesome celebrities. Such as Michael Jackson.
2003-02-08 01:25:06 PM  
Did someone say?
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 01:45:18 PM  
When I was in college, I devised an ingenious plan to marry Courtney Love and take all her money. I don't remember exactly how I was going to do this. I spent most of the time thinking about taking the money and buying a 747 with a giant bar and a bowling alley installed.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I have to admit I have far too much self respect to marry Courtney Love, and will have to find another way to buy my party plane.

Peteykins: I too recently fled the state, and I'm never going back. Though I will miss those summers. The thought of spending a lot of time outside in July just seems scary to me now.
2003-02-08 01:48:21 PM  
Pathighgate & Peteykins:: Wussies!(ken titus sounding voice)
2003-02-08 02:29:49 PM  
Nuts to Coke and Dr. Pepper. Sierra Mist is where it's at.

Ah, and Metallica and Limp Bizkit do indeed, suck. It's only fitting that they should be touring together - Metallicrap doesn't have Jason Newsted anymore, and Limp Shiznit is without Wes Borland. Two missing band members...might mean that they might sound less like crap, and more like....what's another word for crap?
2003-02-08 03:36:23 PM  
Russel, I raise my Pepsi can to ya bra!
2003-02-08 04:52:28 PM  
/me reads TheBigBigEye's post... Hmmm... hell, why not:

Courtney Love photo spread survival kit:

[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available]
[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available]
2003-02-08 05:00:33 PM  
What's so great about Sierra Mist that would make people say such sacrilegious things? Lemon-lime soda you drink with your dog?

They offer games on their site called "Palm Shake" and "Coconut Toss." Fap fap fap. :)
2003-02-08 05:27:59 PM  
Best column ever.
2003-02-08 07:26:35 PM  
Thwy forgot Micheal JAckson.
2003-02-08 07:31:48 PM  
Phbbbt. Ack- ick. Arghmmmmm.

They forgot Michean Jackson.
2003-02-08 07:32:31 PM  
Ahhh, fark it. Ya'll know what I mean.
2003-02-08 09:40:39 PM  
100th post
2003-02-08 11:10:18 PM  
All of you who pointed out that it will be Bizkit's 4th CD should be ashamed of yourselves just for following that band...
2003-02-09 12:31:08 PM  
Clevershark: or, they're capable of counting the # of times crap has been thrust upon their ears.

The older ones are a bit more amusing even...
2003-02-10 01:23:11 AM  
AZ Central isn't in a very good position to cast stones with respect to other folks being losers. What a lame arse paper. I swear they must hire their editors from the local school for the mentally handicapped.
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