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(Washington Post)   Preacher sneaks past secret service again, gives President Bush an eight page note about Iraq from God   ( divider line
    More: Weird  
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16606 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Feb 2003 at 5:00 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

111 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-07 07:40:02 AM  
;) I knew that; it's all in fun
2003-02-07 07:40:44 AM  
EveryoneLovesCleanUndies: OK, the "phony" reference was about Catcher in the Rye. No need to get so angry and start calling me an asshat

At least flame over something that I ACTUALLY said and meant
2003-02-07 07:41:22 AM  
Meet the messenger:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-07 07:46:11 AM  
It strikes me as odd they way you can say "God told me go there" and people think that's great, but if you say "My invisible friend, Morgo The Giant Carrot told me to go there" you'll get carted off to the funny farm.

Wake up, Donnie.
2003-02-07 07:49:51 AM  
And if you say "Allah told me to go there" you get carted off to the not-so-funny farm.
2003-02-07 07:54:50 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

I dunno, Gere is the evil mastermind behind this device. I think the cage match between him and Hillary should go on PPV.
2003-02-07 07:56:40 AM  
Stoatbringer: "My invisible friend, Morgo The Giant Carrot told me to go there"

You mispelled "Dan Quayle" there, Stoat' old boy...
2003-02-07 07:58:43 AM  
FifthColumn: You're right. Funding a "Church of Morgo The Giant Carrot" would be nice, though.
2003-02-07 08:02:13 AM  
Does The High Lord Morgo support the theory of a Hell where we can send heathens and children to suffer for eternity should they not heed his words: worship Morgo or else?
2003-02-07 08:06:42 AM  
FifthColumn: The "Church of Morgo The Giant Carrot" doesn't scare little children (Jacko can handle that pretty fine), although you can get one or two carrots up your arse if you don't worship Morgo.
2003-02-07 08:09:15 AM  
Yes, but I fail to see what the punishment is. If there is no eternal torment for not worshiping Morgo, what point is there in worshiping him? I'm defecting! My God, Avestrial, will ravage your false idol-God, Morgo! Prepare for the Golden Dawn.
2003-02-07 08:10:41 AM  
I think it's a bit sad that people hold God responsible for their own ideas and actions these days...

"God willed me to give the Prez this note."
"God willed me to preach His message to the masses."
"God willed me to teach those sinners a lesson."
"God willed me fly a plane into the WTC."

Either God is a schizo or no one has the balls to act on their own free will anymore.

/wannabe ol' coot
2003-02-07 08:12:01 AM  
I'm watching Dogma as we speak, heheheh
2003-02-07 08:12:52 AM  
There is a God and he does speak to us. In every Quentin Tarantino movie.
2003-02-07 08:17:51 AM  
"With his conservative blue suit, neat haircut and hearty, gregarious manner, Weaver easily passed through the metal detector."

time to revamp secret service policies?
2003-02-07 08:19:08 AM  
God makes me invisible sometimes. It's usually when I eat a bunch of mushrooms. Thanks big guy!
2003-02-07 08:21:14 AM  
He was not charged with anything.

I'm sorry, but this just reeks of the secret service letting this guy through purposely. Not that this guy knows they're doing so, but if they've research him enough, and it sounds like they have, incidents like this could actually help the president's image. Accessible to the "common man", and willing to listen to him
2003-02-07 08:21:30 AM  
Fark Metal Gear Solid 3, I want my copy of Handshake Man: Iraq for the PS2 !!
2003-02-07 08:26:38 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
"We're on a mission from God"
2003-02-07 08:27:59 AM  
I believe this so-called priest may be person L. The facts speak for themselves: elusivity, writes things, etc. Clearly a spy, and person L to boot!
2003-02-07 08:42:58 AM  
someone start a church of mongo, & i'll join & send my dues. Seriously.
2003-02-07 08:45:38 AM  
It says the Secret Service wasn't too worried because he had passed through a metal detector. Bovinus Masculinus Excretum! If he was able to get 8 pages in he could have smuggled a sharpened stick, or one of those vinyl daggers.
2003-02-07 08:51:20 AM  
He could've even shoved President Bush up against the wall and shaved his pubes!!
2003-02-07 08:56:11 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-07 08:56:35 AM  

[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]


2003-02-07 08:57:55 AM  
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are frisky,
Pakistan is looking shifty,
North Korea is too risky,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone's dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

It's pre-emptive non-aggression, bomb Iraq.
To prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq.
They've got weapons we can't see,
And that's all the proof we need,
If they're not there, they must be there,
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think Saddam's gone mad,
With the weapons that he had,
And he tried to kill your dad,
Bomb Iraq.

If corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain't easy,
And your manhood's getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might knows not our borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We'll call it treason,
Let's make war, not love, this season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.
2003-02-07 09:02:12 AM  
2003-02-07 09:04:07 AM  
2003-02-07 09:05:11 AM  
ok nevermind....what the hell, why can't i ever get pictures to work?

2003-02-07 09:05:38 AM  
He'd be great to have over at Aint It Cool News I bet.

"hey you! What are you doing here on the set of The Hulk?"

"Uhm.. God told me to"
2003-02-07 09:30:06 AM  
note to terrorists: find agents that look like this guy.

the SS will be doing cavity searches on old women and guys with turbans while your WASPy preacher man strolls right up to the target and BLAMMO!
2003-02-07 09:45:42 AM  
thanks Jay-Tea - i do try to keep Farkers informed
2003-02-07 09:48:43 AM  
FifthColumn: That's odd...My God calls it a Golden Shower. Hmm.
2003-02-07 09:50:15 AM  
But he said the president was never in any danger and security had not been breached, because everyone had passed through a metal detector, among other security measures.

Two words: security comb

Do a search on google for united cutlery security comb.
2003-02-07 09:50:47 AM  
Speaking of sirnames and Black Helicopters, we know the middle names of the Maryland asshat "snipers", lending further credence to the theory. John Lee Malvo, and John Allen Muhammed. Their victims died. If their victims had lived, we wouldn't know their middle names.
2003-02-07 09:54:19 AM  
God can type? Besides that guy looks like a gerbil invaded his ass......
2003-02-07 09:58:23 AM  
I thought God was supposed to be a bit more brusque...

[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-07 10:01:12 AM  
When last seen, Handshake Man was being frisked, then put in a car by government agents.

Indeed, that WILL be the last that's seen of him.

On another note, its fairly easy to get past Secret Service. Back in '91 I was making a piano delivery in LA, and the address we had was the same place Nelson Mandella (and numerous other dignitaries)was speaking that day. SS thought we were part of the entertainment, allowed us in, and escorted us to wherever in the venue we wished to go. I was also left alone much of the time and allowed to wander freely, including onto the stage. The stage manager was amazed that we were given carte blanche to move about freely, when even she was restricted to certain areas and needed an access pass.

Turned out we had the wrong address, and should have been down the street at a Mel Brooks set.

That being said, I behaved myself while I was there. I'm very certain I would have been taken down with the quickness if I tried anything stupid.
2003-02-07 10:03:13 AM  
1. There must be a god!
2. Bush had a look of attentiveness and "peace," Weaver added. Is "peace" the same thing as "vacuousness"?
3. "You don't need to see my identification." "We don't need to see your identification." "These aren't the droids you're looking for." "Those aren't the droids you're looking for." "I can go about my business." "You can go about your business." "Move along." Move along, move along."
2003-02-07 10:06:57 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

"You ain't a demon, are you George?"
2003-02-07 10:09:26 AM  
FifthColumn: I fear no man!

[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-07 10:15:44 AM  
That guys crazy!

If I just did whatever my dog told me to, I'd be getting into all kinds of trouble.
2003-02-07 10:18:22 AM  
How the hell does this guy keep doing that?

Easy. He's a conservative, clean cut, Caucasian gentlemen with an affable personality. If it had been someone a little darker, he would've been stopped at the gates and screened over and over before even getting 10 steps within the prez.
2003-02-07 10:23:17 AM  
When's TSG going to publish this guy's paper?
2003-02-07 10:23:43 AM  
According to New York Magazine's upcoming Intelligencer column, Clinton had already departed Cipriani 42nd Street restaurant when speechmaker Gere announced at the American Foundation for AIDS Research event: "Senator Clinton, I'm sorry, your husband did nothing for AIDS for eight years."

As funny/remarkable as the posted story was, this is the teh funny for real. It's so fascinating when they fight.
2003-02-07 10:25:16 AM  
I hear the Mr. Shakehandsman plans on taking a big dump on the president''s table next time!

Hmmmmmmmm big dump.
2003-02-07 10:33:25 AM  
How the hell does that place sell "security combs" legally?

How is its purpose anything other than to get a weapon where you shouldn't have one?
2003-02-07 11:38:21 AM  
"I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver. And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him and hand it to him."
--Jack Handey
2003-02-07 11:39:01 AM  
I believe that this man should not be harassed by the Secret Service because it did not do its job. If people are able to approach the president without use of force or trickery, and they are able to have a normal, human, civilized discussion in a public place, that should not be a crime. It shouldn't even be worthy of detention. The Secret Service needs to tighten up or back off.
2003-02-07 11:46:20 AM  
02-07-03 10:33:25 AM PlastiqueJeebus
How the hell does that place sell "security combs" legally?

How is its purpose anything other than to get a weapon where you shouldn't have one?

Same reason anyone would carry a concealed weapon: to be armed without drawing attention to yourself.
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