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(Despair.com)   Our friends at Despair release Bittersweets: Valentine's candy for the rest of us   ( despair.com) divider line
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10564 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Feb 2003 at 8:41 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

58 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-05 08:46:01 AM  
They've had those since at least last Valentine's Day. Not exactly a .

but they are a great idea. :-)
2003-02-05 08:46:09 AM  
Uhh. Lame.
2003-02-05 08:46:15 AM  
Those are hilarious. I have the entire collection of those demotivational posters. (sad, isn't it?)
2003-02-05 08:46:44 AM  
D'oh. That was supposed to be a Newsflash banner. /me kicks self for html ineptitude.
2003-02-05 08:47:21 AM  
C That Door? Ouch!!
2003-02-05 08:48:31 AM  
Feh. The only thing "for the rest of us" is Festivus.
2003-02-05 08:48:40 AM  
Whats wrong with a bag of flaming poo?
2003-02-05 08:49:13 AM  
I like these better...

[image from chocolatefantasies.com too old to be available]
2003-02-05 08:51:36 AM  
What ever happened to

"I Choo Choo Choose you"
2003-02-05 08:52:19 AM  
After spending my first 18 Valentine's days single, this is the third consecutive V-Day where I'll be getting bootie.

/rubbing it in.
2003-02-05 08:52:59 AM  
I can't remember exactly where I've heard this gag before, but its old and busted.
Probably a Spencers Gifts when I was 12. But then again, who knows. Twas alot of pot ago.
2003-02-05 08:54:57 AM  
37 designs in all, including: RETURN MY CDS

Definatly old and busted. More like "RETURN MY IPOD".
2003-02-05 08:56:49 AM  
When cruelty and holidays collide, the weak-willed find solace in self-pity and comfort foods.

Or in my case - a bag of whizz, a bottle of baby oil and a crate full of new pron DVDs.
2003-02-05 08:58:34 AM  
I usually seem to meet girls and start relationships in March. January is usually a month of fruitless dating, and Feburary is an icy tundra of social solitude. So far this year seems right on track.
2003-02-05 08:59:09 AM  
Ah, alcohol. Is there anything it can't blur?
2003-02-05 08:59:23 AM  
That's peachy, Balto. We're all really proud of you.
2003-02-05 08:59:30 AM  
Check out the falvors: Banana Chalk, Grape Dust, Citrucel, You-Call-This-Lime?, Pink Sand and Fossilized Rolaid.

2003-02-05 09:00:08 AM  
testing to see if i've been banned... hm.
2003-02-05 09:05:25 AM  
heehee... I like the little pink one that says "next".
2003-02-05 09:06:00 AM  
The Glass is half full here. Valentines day is the best day of the year to pick up desperate lonley women. (or guys if thats your thing)
2003-02-05 09:06:34 AM  
Me too.
2003-02-05 09:07:35 AM  
I smell a photoshop contest a-brewin'.....
2003-02-05 09:09:22 AM  
They're not that desperate, GummyDemilo.
2003-02-05 09:09:52 AM  
UP YER DOSAGE.......LOL And Gummy is right....fantastic time to prey on the weak and lonely women who will do anything just for a Valentines date. weird.
2003-02-05 09:14:40 AM  
Children are a lot easier to have relationships with, and their bodies fit into suitcases more easily.
2003-02-05 09:15:24 AM  
i think a caption contest would fit this better than photoshop
2003-02-05 09:16:03 AM  
I love the myth that women are just standing by the road, in the grocery store, in the bank line waiting to be picked up the on days leading up to the 14th. Its just not true...

Maybe, just maybe, they are easier to appraoch, but not easier to pick up.
2003-02-05 09:16:32 AM  
isn't that the idea of the 'real' hearts...old and busted. it was just a few years ago that they got rid of the ancient slang
2003-02-05 09:18:48 AM  
Joel Hogsdon used this as a gag on MST3K about 10 years ago.
They forgot to put one in that he had: "IT'S BLUE"
2003-02-05 09:20:07 AM  
02-05-03 08:46:15 AM Benucio
Those are hilarious. I have the entire collection of those demotivational posters. (sad, isn't it?)

I'm with you. My niece got me a couple of prints for Christmas. The "Motivation" print ("If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.") is in a frame in my office. The smaller "Consulting" desk print ("If you're not a part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.") is on my shelf.
2003-02-05 09:21:05 AM  
They ripped off an invention exchange idea from Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K). On the show they demonstrated "bittersweethearts" with sayings like: "Still Angry", etc. And instead of candy, they were little antacids.

Here's the reference:

First shown: 7/24/93
Opening: Crow disrupts Servo's formal welcome
Invention exchange: The square master, bittersweet hearts
Host segment 1: Hot slot bots!
Host segment 2: Trying to get a post-apocalyptic driving permit
Host segment 3: Things to do after the apocalypse
End: Phone call from Megaweapon, letter, the Mads enjoy an active lifestyle
Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checkin' out the babe

Now *that's* funny and original. The folks posted on Fark just ripped the idea :-)

And... MST3K was great! I miss it dearly (even though reruns are still on).
2003-02-05 09:22:02 AM  
Martin Bashir's next project - Living With Goatman264?
2003-02-05 09:28:14 AM  
MST3K was great! I miss it dearly (even though reruns are still on).

Well, some of them are on. The Sci-Fi channel repeats the shows made when MST3K was on the Sci-Fi channel. The Comedy Central shows are no longer broadcast.
2003-02-05 09:30:04 AM  
If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.

behe hehehehe
2003-02-05 09:32:44 AM  
'tis what they made kazaa for JeffF.
2003-02-05 09:47:30 AM  
You know you're a total social failure when you don't even have someone to give one of these to.

2003-02-05 09:50:12 AM  

Yeah... SciFi shows just the ones they have rights to. But... I have almost all of the MST3Ks on tape.

Favorite: The Day the Earth Froze
Best Line: "My other log's a redwood!"
2003-02-05 09:58:40 AM  
Ubermunch and JeffF:

DAP Central is your friend.
2003-02-05 10:26:42 AM  

THANKS!!!!! DAP is really great... although I doubt I'll get much work done today with all the SCTV episodes.
2003-02-05 10:46:53 AM  
Actually, I've seen negative hearts in a bag of regular conversation hearts before. Things like, "NO THANKS" or "NEVER MIND" or whatever. And THOSE things were around before World War I (and they taste like it, too.)

Maybe MST3K ripped it off Necco?
2003-02-05 11:10:51 AM  
Maybe, just maybe, they are easier to appraoch, but not easier to pick up.

sure they are. the only ones left are the ones no one else wanted, though.
2003-02-05 11:32:01 AM  
I have about 2 pounds of these hearts, which I intend to distribute at our Feb. 14th showing of the Rocky Horror Pictuer Show. I figure that anyone who's at Rocky on the 14th could use some of those hearts.
2003-02-05 11:39:52 AM  

Hmmmmm... I remember those to. But they're a far cry fom "Hate You" and "Still Angry" (LOL). I bet you're right, though... MST3K probably built of of the benign negative ones in regular bags.

So Necco made those hearts, eh? In my youth, I though they were only making those Necco Wafers - which tasted like CRAP but made GREAT targets for my .22. Hit a Necco wafer and it blows apart really well. Same with plastic army men :-)
2003-02-05 11:40:25 AM  
I'm sure my ex-wife will enjoy these. And if she doesn't - what the fark do I care? I'm puttin' the wood to a chica 17 years younger than me and the ex is still pinin' for tha fjords.

BitterSweets. Heh.
2003-02-05 11:47:22 AM  
My personal favorite Bittersweet Heart from the MST3k episode was "Can't leave the county."

Are these easy-to-chew antacids like those were? I think not.
2003-02-05 12:11:02 PM  

Yeah, I think Necco (http://www.necco.com) makes the hearts and wafers out of the same ingredients. The hearts taste just the same as the wafers.

I didn't realize that they actually could have a productive use, like serving as target practice fodder. I gotta try shooting the big versions of the candy hearts sometime- see how well they blow up. Probably about as well as my own has every few years. :-)
2003-02-05 12:39:22 PM  
re: Ubermunch

Ohh The Day the Earth Froze is my all time favorite episode too! Although, my favorite line is from the short before it:


Man, I wish I still had that one on tape!

re: Valentines day in general

Blah. I always wear black on Valentines day, if people ask I say that I am in mourning for my sex life. I hate valetines day with all the firey vengenance in hell. I hate everything it stands for. I usually go out feb 15 and buy myself a big ass 50% off chocolate heart and gorge just because I am so full of hatred for love.

Good think I'm not bitter anymore though. But I do think these bittersweets are a great idea.
2003-02-05 12:46:11 PM  

They're not antacids... although that would make them the coolest, eh?

My favorite heart from MST3K: "Still Angry" :-)
2003-02-05 12:48:53 PM  

I don't have any firearms anymore... but I can tell you that *nothing* is as cool to hit with a .22 as a standard issue Necco wafer.

Well... Actually....

Shooting at the cliche Japanese WWII plastic army men is probably cooler... or maybe that B-24 model I shot at once :-)
2003-02-05 12:53:50 PM  

"Here Comes the Circus" was, arguably, the BEST short ever done on MST3K. Remember:

"It's Liza!!!"

And from "The Day the Earth Froze":

"Where's my multi-colored dome? WHERE'S MY MULTI-COLORED DOME??"

"That is an option that you did not order, ma'am."
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